progress story

[Breaker445]

I get where you are coming from but you know this isn’t good. She can cuckold you, she can tease you, but she has to talk to you. This is like having an affair where the other person suspects but never truly knows. I am not a cheerleader, nor am I a doom and gloom merchant. I do however worry in some threads that people’s kinks and fantasies blind them to what’s happening in front of them.

My whole concern with this man is it’s been done without you knowing anything about him. What his motivations are. Does he know that he’s just a toy? If he does, does he intend to keep it that way? More importantly, why is she lying to you? Because that’s what a hair appointment with no cut or straightening that takes 5hrs is.

You need to speak to her as soon as you can. Otherwise she will think this is how you want to play this exciting game. But perhaps it’s not a game to her? Perhaps she’s thinking there’s this nice sexy guy, good fun, attractive, sexy and my husband doesn’t mind. I don’t have to tell him about when we meet and if he suspects, then that’s all part of the fun! Then, as she falls in love with him, leaving you out of the communications will become easie and easier, to the point where she will resent telling you anything. And she’ll tell herself that is what you want and enjoy. And all the time, you’re convincing yourself that she’ll tell you this time. And if not this time, next time.

The last paragraph there is spot on. Thank you, that is always in the back of my mind a concern, i keep waiting and waiting and maybe that openness never happens.

[FNQLivin]

You own this outcome breaker. Speak to her today. Find the time. Tell her. It will not get easier day by day, it will get harder.

[Breaker445]

Well that's the thing, I cant be upset with how this has panned out, this was my idea and fantasy from the start. So I cant blame her at all and would never do that. A learning experience for sure and I will talk with her tonight, seems the door is open anyways for a conversation since she is planning the upcoming dance night.

[FNQLivin]

No one is suggesting you blame her. But secretly meets ng him with no updates isn’t a recipe for success either.

[conflictedhubby]

Oh yeah I am also not saying to blame her either. My suggestion about knowing about what she hides in the hamper from day 1 is merely a suggestion to open communication. The surprise of being found out might cause some initial anger and resentment (oh so you're going through my things?) but it would also tear down some barriers she has put in place thinking she can hide things from you and you would never find out. Also if she was hiding something in there from before a few weeks ago, stating its from "day 1" rather than saying the infamous date night, then any guilt might cause her to open up on that as well (not saying she has, but if she did then the potential for revealing all is there).

[60dCommon]

Not trying to be contrarian, but there's no way she can know what you want unless you tell her. If you crave to eat her when she comes home from a date, tell her. Tell her it doesn't have to be every time, but that it's something you want (just as an example). Remind her that she said she'd at least mention after the fact that she'd hooked up, and that it's confusing for you when she doesn't.

Remind her that you crave being able to give her pleasure, and that you'd like more sexual contact. Remind her that you really mean it that sex doesn't always or even frequently have to include your cock at all (if I'm correct that that's correct), and that you'd really like to eat her at least a few times a week. You gotta tell her what you want.

I also agree that she's gotta tell you - straight up - what Dylan's about. Is he married? Is he exclusive with your wife? Where are they headed as a couple?

I've been almost exactly where you are - almost exactly. I really, really regret not being more direct with the Mrs. about all of this. More consistently direct. We'd have these big breakthrough conversations, but in between...

You'll be fine, but only if you two understand this is your actual life - all of it.

I'm pulling for you both!

[FNQLivin]

Not trying to be contrarian, but there's no way she can know what you want unless you tell her. If you crave to eat her when she comes home from a date, tell her. Tell her it doesn't have to be every time, but that it's something you want (just as an example). Remind her that she said she'd at least mention after the fact that she'd hooked up, and that it's confusing for you when she doesn't.

Remind her that you crave being able to give her pleasure, and that you'd like more sexual contact. Remind her that you really mean it that sex doesn't always or even frequently have to include your cock at all (if I'm correct that that's correct), and that you'd really like to eat her at least a few times a week. You gotta tell her what you want.

I also agree that she's gotta tell you - straight up - what Dylan's about. Is he married? Is he exclusive with your wife? Where are they headed as a couple?

I've been almost exactly where you are - almost exactly. I really, really regret not being more direct with the Mrs. about all of this. More consistently direct. We'd have these big breakthrough conversations, but in between...

You'll be fine, but only if you two understand this is your actual life - all of it.

I'm pulling for you both!

I don’t see this as being contrarian at all. Expressed differently perhaps.

[Goodboy66]

You own this outcome breaker. Speak to her today. Find the time. Tell her. It will not get easier day by day, it will get harder.

Breaker does not own this outcome unless he is consulting a lawyer, as I said previously I think she has been playing Breaker and been seeing someone for months. The Dylan situation may have just been a ploy to play with his cuck fantasy.

Breaker through nearly the entirety of your thread any major point that you should of been discussing you have shied away and avoided talking to her. No one should ever be scared to converse with their partner, which is what you seem to be.

[Wifesharing]

Yes she is not at fault or to be punished. You let this get here but she will never know what you want if you don't tell Her. If you want to know when it is happening tell her, want to know after or details what ever it is you feel you want to know or need to know you need to tell her.

I totally understand it is exciting, been there for sure, if you don't get what you want out of this it will eventually turn very bad.

IF you tell her what you need to get out of this and she refuses she has to stop or things will get very bad. It will be exciting right up till the end for this to work both you and her have to get things you want out of it there has to be trust and lot and lots of communication.

You are not in danger zone yet you are just headed there unless you communicate with her. I really don't want this to go bad for you. Good luck

[Goodboy66]

You are not in danger zone yet

I think most rational heads on this board may disagree.

[Goodboy66]

You are not in danger zone yet

I think most rational heads on this board may disagree.

[Breaker445]

I agree communication is needed. The confusion is, I don't know why she'd tell me about one night, hint that I was right on my suspicion for another night (the night she went to the gym) be secretive about the hair appointment, but then openly tease me about an upcoming dance night. Yet, through this it's all pretty dang exciting to me. And maybe that is why I've thought it would be worth waiting to see if she brought it up, because it may not come across as it, but this situation still works for me and as I can tell still works for her. But I agree I'll talk with her tonight about things.

[Bayless]

Hi Breaker,
Please be careful. I certainly agree with the previous post about being honest and not letting Mrs. B’s. secrecy continue. If this is her understanding of how sharing works this is not a good message. More years ago than I care to admit, I screwed up a relationship because I didn’t understand the difference between sex and emotion. If it is emotional you lose. Sorry to be so blunt,but this is what you will look back on and say,”if she would have been honest and open with me, we could have been great.” You have everything to gain, or everything to lose. Don’t lose!

[Breaker445]

Oh man reading these comments I feel like it's taken a turn here that I did not intend. I didn't mean for my post to sound so doom and gloom. Here is the thing about this thread, I've only posted snippets of our relationship that is related to cuckolding (fantasy) and dom/sub stuff. Things between us seem more better now and have ascended toward being better. Granted some may scratch their heads reading that and wonder how communication about this topic could so hard then. I guess it's because probably both of our personalities are that of a little shy. Add to it the emotions she expressed to me after their date and I can see why, for us, it's a little bit of unknowing or shy about what to talk about next on this topic.

[FNQLivin]

Oh man reading these comments I feel like it's taken a turn here that I did not intend. I didn't mean for my post to sound so doom and gloom. Here is the thing about this thread, I've only posted snippets of our relationship that is related to cuckolding (fantasy) and dom/sub stuff. Things between us seem more better now and have ascended toward being better. Granted some may scratch their heads reading that and wonder how communication about this topic could so hard then. I guess it's because probably both of our personalities are that of a little shy. Add to it the emotions she expressed to me after their date and I can see why, for us, it's a little bit of unknowing or shy about what to talk about next on this topic.

I understand your viewpoint but the secrecy has to end or change. She doesn’t have to give you war and peace. But she has to give you something. As I wrote the last post, the bit that struck me afterwards is that the longer you take to address this, the more this will become the accepted norm. And one day, when you decide you need more information she will be resentful and upset. And the longer she keeps stuff from you, whether it’s because she’s shy, embarrassed or simply doesn’t want to tell you, the harder it will be to fix.

If she had just said ‘me and my girlfriends are going out and Dylan is invited’ would give you that punch to guts you enjoy, add more tension and excitement and push all your cuck buttons.

And the hardest part is that secrecy breeds more secrecy. She could end up falling in love with him and the first you know about it could be when it’s too late.

[conflictedhubby]

I have a few potential scenarios in my head as to whats going on, as I am sure everyone else has their own opinions as well. I don't believe it matters. Its good you are going to talk to her tonight. Everyone's imagination can come up with one reason or another for her apparently erratic behavior, and some may be spot on, but the only way to know for sure is to talk to her. Good luck!

[JRE2]

My opinion is a little different, and is only based on my wife's activities. It sounds as if your wife has not clearly sorted out her own thoughts and desires, and is reluctant to talk about things at this point. Dylan might have been a dud, and she's not eager to talk about it.

My wife was very open about some of her dates, while closed mouth about others. Eventually I learned that at the time she had been open about the good experiences and wanted to share her happiness, while disappointment with others was not shared with me until much later. Now she can talk openly and objectively about everything that transpired. One thing I never did was keep bugging her, and eventually I learned all I wanted to know.

As with every other opinion, your actual situation might be entirely different.

PS...One thing different in our situation was that I was not submissive in any way and didn't seek that from either her or her guys. Her pleasure was the primary driver of her activities, and that was what scratched my itch.

[Wifesharing]

Oh man reading these comments I feel like it's taken a turn here that I did not intend. I didn't mean for my post to sound so doom and gloom. Here is the thing about this thread, I've only posted snippets of our relationship that is related to cuckolding (fantasy) and dom/sub stuff. Things between us seem more better now and have ascended toward being better. Granted some may scratch their heads reading that and wonder how communication about this topic could so hard then. I guess it's because probably both of our personalities are that of a little shy. Add to it the emotions she expressed to me after their date and I can see why, for us, it's a little bit of unknowing or shy about what to talk about next on this topic.

Beaker this didn't take a turn just now it took a turn a while ago. You wanted this so bad you were willing to over look her behavior and secret approach. The thing is it is starting to sting a little now because she did it and you thought it would get better but it has got worse. You feel excitement now but it is likely that as time goes on and she keeps going on as is the excitement will lesson and maybe turn to resentment. The thing is you can both get excited and be in despair.

She has to be told that you don't like the secret nature she takes to this. He not telling you makes it real easy to start thinking what else has she hidden from you that other time she came home and smelled like rubber, all the other times she was gone too long if she can hide it now who says she was not then. Nothing may have happened bad but because you have no trust and communication setup the thoughts in your head will fill in the blanks. That is never a good idea.

You need to prepare yourself that when you try to talk to her she will try to change the subject laugh you off and tell you that is the only way she can do this. She said she didn't want to dominate you relationship with it but she spent at least 8 hours with him behind your back that you know of. You have to tell her that we need to have a open conversation no deflecting, and you have to be prepared that she will tell you she would rather stop this all. You need to decide what you want and are wiling to expect before the conversation. You also have to figure out what you are going to need to trust her.

[Calendar1435]

Hi All,

I'm a little confused. Maybe a post has been edited or removed?

There's talk of recent secret times with Dylan, 5hr hair appointments, 8hrs with Dylan behind Breakers back, panties in the hamper, not telling Breaker about a hookup, but I can't see where Breaker said these things happened in the past couple of days?

I thought everyone was overreacting, as I didn't read this stuff from Breaker. But if those things are going on, I agree it's a problem, which hopefully Breaker will address ASAP, without blaming Mrs Breaker, but telling her how he feels about everything.

Mrs Breaker seems to be getting into the grove, and making this work for her, that's great. Now it's (past) time for Breaker to let her know how this feels for him currently, and what he needs for it to work for him. (No blame, shame or recriminations... just sharing how he feels.) Hopefully then she can compromise and they can get onto a healthy path together.

Problem is, Mrs Breaker was clear in the beginning. If she does this, she does it for herself, and she won't be sharing much of anything with Breaker. She's doing what she said she'd do, which Breaker agreed to. This was never going to work for Breaker, (ie sharing nothing) so now he needs to try and re-negotiate the terms. He needs to understand there's a chance Mrs Breaker calls the whole thing off, if Breaker tries to change the deal. Or maybe she goes underground, and starts cheating in secret... which it seems has happened?

My concern has been that their newfound activity is not a joint activity. It's not husband and wife brought closer together, it's 2 individuals doing their own thing, with little communication, and no sharing of thoughts or feelings. There is so much that could go wrong, when husband and wife are not communicating about an activity that can easily tear the marriage apart.

Alex.

[Breaker445]

Hi All,

I'm a little confused. Maybe a post has been edited or removed?

There's talk of recent secret times with Dylan, 5hr hair appointments, 8hrs with Dylan behind Breakers back, panties in the hamper, not telling Breaker about a hookup, but I can't see where Breaker said these things happened in the past couple of days?

I thought everyone was overreacting, as I didn't read this stuff from Breaker. But if those things are going on, I agree it's a problem, which hopefully Breaker will address ASAP, without blaming Mrs Breaker, but telling her how he feels about everything.

Mrs Breaker seems to be getting into the grove, and making this work for her, that's great. Now it's (past) time for Breaker to let her know how this feels for him currently, and what he needs for it to work for him. (No blame, shame or recriminations... just sharing how he feels.) Hopefully then she can compromise and they can get onto a healthy path together.

Problem is, Mrs Breaker was clear in the beginning. If she does this, she does it for herself, and she won't be sharing much of anything with Breaker. She's doing what she said she'd do, which Breaker agreed to. This was never going to work for Breaker, (ie sharing nothing) so now he needs to try and re-negotiate the terms. He needs to understand there's a chance Mrs Breaker calls the whole thing off, if Breaker tries to change the deal. Or maybe she goes underground, and starts cheating in secret... which it seems has happened?

My concern has been that their newfound activity is not a joint activity. It's not husband and wife brought closer together, it's 2 individuals doing their own thing, with little communication, and no sharing of thoughts or feelings. There is so much that could go wrong, when husband and wife are not communicating about an activity that can easily tear the marriage apart.

Alex.

Yeah I edited the post that most have responded about. I am going to chat with her tonight about how I feel and that although it was agreed upon, in a way like you mentioned, I need some sort of notification that she's playing. However, I have mentioned that before that even if it's as small as sending me a fleur de lis symbol we would have a universal understanding what was going on. So I think if we can talk about things tonight hopefully clear some things up so that we can either move forward better in this or maybe, and I would have to realize this, we need to stop moving forward, but regardless we need to get on the same page and that happens with talking. She's got a night coming up where she has plans to go to dinner and a club, and she is very excited about that she has been mentioning to me all day so we will see.

[FNQLivin]

Thanks Mr B. You take care.

[shall54]

Best of luck Breaker...hope the discussion helps her understand your needs more clearly.

[Calendar1435]

Hi Breaker,

Ok, so she did go and play without telling you? Tried to hide it, keep it a secret?

If so I agree with you that's she's not upholding her end of the deal. From what I recall the deal was pretty clear (and has been repeated many times), she gets to play, without you hassling her for details after. But she must let you know that she's playing. I believe she agreed to that. If she's not even prepared to give you that tiny amount of info, there's a problem. She's having her cake, and yours, and Dylans... and eating them all too.

Given she knows what she is meant to do (and agreed to do), for you both to be happy, and she's (maybe?) choosing not to do that. I think you need to ask for what you REALLY want, which is (from what I understand) to be involved in her life as her husband, to know her thoughts and feelings. Not to be an outsider who has no idea what is going on.

I don't believe she will get better and give you more, I think she will get worse and give you less. Unless you let her know how you feel and what you need for this to work. ie don't tell her you only need crumbs off the table, when you need more than that to be happy. If she WON'T let you IN, won't allow you to be involved in her life... it may be better for your marriage to stop now. If that's possible.

(Note: I'm not saying she needs to tell you everything right now, but she needs to see that for this and your marriage to work, you both need to learn to communicate freely about your deepest thoughts and feelings. If she's not interested in working on communication as a priority, and doesn't see the problem, then maybe you should suggest professional help in marriage counseling?)

As always I may be completely off track here, but as you know I think our wives are quite similar. My wife can be very selfish at times, and is always non-communicative about her thoughts and feelings. I always took the gentle persuasion path with her, telling her what I wanted (ie emotional closeness/depth etc), but never being blunt about what I needed. When the shit hit the fan, she said she doesn't ever recall me saying those things, didn't understand what I wanted and needed. ie I was toooooo gentle and nice, and not blunt enough to get through her self interest, as she floated along in her pleasant little bubble world. I worked hard to make life grand for her, she ignored my wants and needs. Sounds like a similar story.

Final note: I've mentioned before, keeping conversation light and fun is the way to go (if possible)... but you've still got to tell her what you NEED, which may not be light or fun

Good Luck,

Alex.

[FNQLivin]

I don’t know if would be as dramatic as that, but the part about being an outsider resonated with me.

[Calendar1435]

True FNQ,

I guess my drama nerve was tweaked by the idea that Mrs Breaker has been given everything, all Breaker asked for in return is to know when she's playing. And it seems, that's too much to ask of her. Better to go behind Breakers back, than send a txt message, or say a couple of words. (If that's what has happened... I didn't read the post mentioning these things before it was edited.)

Thanks,

Alex.