A virtual cuckold?

[gordon921]

I had the counselling session today (by phone). It went OK and I'll try and write more tomorrow. In a nutshell he recommends I suggest to my wife that we attend marriage counselling. He also suggested I think about what my boundaries are. In that if she refuses counselling then what are my next steps?

I'll ponder this some more overnight (short on time now) and will try and write some more tomorrow.

Hi newaussiecuck,

just do a little research about counseling.

MC - the MC primary focus is saving the marriage, they will rug sweep any of the reason why the marriage arrived at the point it has.

Advice from another site would be to go to IC (Individual Councillor), their job is to help you understand what has happened and to fix it. So for your wife: why did she start the game, why did she make the choices she did within the game etc, etc. Your IC would be in terms of coming to terms with your trauma, so it does not become a barrier to saving the marriage.

Only after IC and fixing the issues should you progress to MC.

Regards

[Whosbeensleeping]

Glad to hear you're getting some support in place that way.

[newaussiecuck]

Hi newaussiecuck,

just do a little research about counseling.

MC - the MC primary focus is saving the marriage, they will rug sweep any of the reason why the marriage arrived at the point it has.

Advice from another site would be to go to IC (Individual Councillor), their job is to help you understand what has happened and to fix it. So for your wife: why did she start the game, why did she make the choices she did within the game etc, etc. Your IC would be in terms of coming to terms with your trauma, so it does not become a barrier to saving the marriage.

Only after IC and fixing the issues should you progress to MC.

Regards

Yes I tend to agree, at the end of the day everyone has a product to sell and they will act in a way that best sells that product. For lawyers they get measured on number of cases won vs lost. Nobody wants a lawyer who loses 90% of his cases. For marriage counsellors, no couple would choose one who has 90% of his cases end in divorce, even if that happened to be the best outcome for everyone.

With the counsellor I spoke to, his goal would be to have a functional employee in as little sessions as possible (thus costing the company less). Thus his goal would be to support me short term and push me to marriage counsellor.

The one good thing I did take away was his comment about setting boundaries, and also having a think about what part I may have played in all this. This is something I have reflected on in recent posts in regards to taking charge more and not accepting her crap and lies any longer. I now realise that I probably got us into this mess because I gave her carte blanche and let her do whatever she wanted and I set no boundaries. In essence I probably fed her the rope to hang herself with so to speak.

For her part she was probably pushing and looking for the boundaries and having not found any probably got upset thinking that I didn't care about her. Her recent turnaround could be partly because I made her feel she was losing me, but also partly because I was starting to set some kind of boundaries and made her feel valued.

Still much to ponder and reflect on. I also ponder the merits of dragging things back up again. Things are slowly improving so maybe best to just continue on with the carrot and stick approach and see how far that takes us before suggesting counselling if we get really stuck.

[newaussiecuck]

Another interesting point the counsellor made, in relation to revealing exactly what I know about what she's been up to. His belief is that the actions I took will be deemed completely reasonable as I have a right to know what is going on within my marriage. As long as I haven't broken into any accounts or anything like that (I haven't), that it would be reasonable to monitor what happens on our own private computer. I guess it isn't legal advice but it was an interesting perspective for sure.

[newaussiecuck]

On a slightly different note I have heard indirectly from park girl via a Facebook message from someone purporting to be her boyfriend, but the message was sent 2 weeks ago and I only just saw it. It was along the lines of I heard you've been trying to contact her and get close to her which is making her feel uncomfortable I request that you stop.

If it's a long term boyfriend then she had been trying to pick me up behind his back. If it's a sudden short term thing then he can hardly call himself her boyfriend as at that time he couldn't have possibly been seeing her for more than a week.

If it is an actual boyfriend then it sounds more like it's him that is uncomfortable and wants me to stop talking to her. I still don't know what her actual thoughts are.

It's possible that it's a friend she's asked to send the message to me, maybe to find out why I've been trying to contact her.

I have written a long explanation in response about how I was trying to contact her to pass on a message reassuring her about my dad since I was so distressed about him last time I saw her. That it was well intentioned but my message didn't get passed on correctly and left the wrong impression.

It is a very well written response. However, after sleeping on it, I've decided there's nothing to be gained by sending it. I don't want to be drawn into any childish games. It's best not to have a discussion on anything like that to be in writing either.
The whole thing seems pretty childish. Maybe silly little girl playing silly little girl games.

I'll just play it cool. If she wants to speak to me she can, if she doesn't she doesn't. The next move is clearly hers to make otherwise I'll just keep to myself. Nothing to be gained by answering that message either way.

It has probably put my mind at ease if nothing else, in that I can now put her out of mind and focus on improving my marriage! It's probably the first time I've felt that I've been able to let her go from my mind.

[gordon921]

On a slightly different note I have heard indirectly from park girl via a Facebook message from someone purporting to be her boyfriend, but the message was sent 2 weeks ago and I only just saw it. It was along the lines of I heard you've been trying to contact her and get close to her which is making her feel uncomfortable I request that you stop.

If it's a long term boyfriend then she had been trying to pick me up behind his back. If it's a sudden short term thing then he can hardly call himself her boyfriend as at that time he couldn't have possibly been seeing her for more than a week.

If it is an actual boyfriend then it sounds more like it's him that is uncomfortable and wants me to stop talking to her. I still don't know what her actual thoughts are.

It's possible that it's a friend she's asked to send the message to me, maybe to find out why I've been trying to contact her.

I have written a long explanation in response about how I was trying to contact her to pass on a message reassuring her about my dad since I was so distressed about him last time I saw her. That it was well intentioned but my message didn't get passed on correctly and left the wrong impression.

It is a very well written response. However, after sleeping on it, I've decided there's nothing to be gained by sending it. I don't want to be drawn into any childish games. It's best not to have a discussion on anything like that to be in writing either.
The whole thing seems pretty childish. Maybe silly little girl playing silly little girl games.

I'll just play it cool. If she wants to speak to me she can, if she doesn't she doesn't. The next move is clearly hers to make otherwise I'll just keep to myself. Nothing to be gained by answering that message either way.

It has probably put my mind at ease if nothing else, in that I can now put her out of mind and focus on improving my marriage! It's probably the first time I've felt that I've been able to let her go from my mind.

I agree, don't respond she'll never see it.

[newaussiecuck]

I agree, don't respond she'll never see it.

Yeah nothing I can do but try to forget and move on. I don't know whether I regret moving too slow and letting her get away or whether I'm thankful that I handled the whole thing like an adult. To be honest I think I flip flop between the two extremes depending on what's happening at home.

Yesterday when I was driving home I was feeling pretty good about things and looking forward to the weekend with my wife. I got home and greeted her with a huge passionate kiss but she wasn't much into it and was pretty much pushing me away. That sucked.

Rest of the night she was pretty distant. The computer was off and she was on the lounge with me, but headphones on watching some video. We hardly spoke.

This morning (Saturday) she's back on the computer and asked (I think maybe hoping) if I was taking the dog to the park this morning. I suspect maybe she had a fight/argument with her online lover yesterday and wants to make it up. She was probably resenting me for staying away from the computer which maybe caused the argument. Who knows, I can't see what's happened yet.

It's times like this that I REALLY miss park girl! I realise it's partly her and partly what she represents. There's nothing inherently too special about her apart from being young and attractive and into me at one point, but there was just something about her that has reached into me somehow. It was sure nice to feel that even for a little while.

There's a couple of girls at the new office that have been pretty friendly towards me already. One of them got me cake last week, then asked me to join her and her friends for lunch day before yesterday (I actually declined) and then yesterday she was asking my name and all about what I do there. Then she made some kind of comment about the colour of my shirt somehow matching what I do there. The 2nd one is young, attractive and Asian but I've only spoken to her the once as she works on a different floor. She was smiling a lot when I talked to her though.

Lastly, my wife had decided to come to the wedding with me next month and we were going to leave the dog with her mum to look after while away. Unfortunately that's now fallen through as her mum will be overseas. My wife will stay home to look after our dog plus her mum's dog. I can't blame her too much for this I guess, it's just the way it is. However, if she had decided to come with me months ago like she should have then everything would have been locked in.

[newaussiecuck]

Very quick update. It wasn't a fight that she had yesterday with her online love interest. Instead it was a 2 hour long marathon sexting session!

For those who still doubt that this is an emotional affair (EA) then how could I have possibly known within 2 minutes of arriving home that something so significant had happened? She's still pretty distant today.

I'm out again after lunch, she asked if I was going shopping. Meaning she hopes I'll be going out shopping.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Deleted, duplicate post.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Whew, lots going on.
I couldn't agree more with your therapist that whatever measures you are using to know what's happening ought to be seen as entirely justified.
It's interesting that you wrote to park girl's apparent boyfriend and then didn't feel the need to send it. That reminds of something a therapist once described to me about a patient to whom he suggested he write a letter to the other person and not send it. He said once they did that the other person backed off and they never felt the need to send it. It's kind of like putting on an internal armour. I think to some extent you are already doing that, but if you wrote a letter to your wife laying out how you feel about the whole situation it might really help you as you articulate your own experience, and give you strength to deal with the day to day. You could decide later if you needed to send it. Just an idea.
Despite some bitter disappointments, it still sound like you are moving forward.
As for the office ladies it might not hurt to think of them as wolves, lol!

[gordon921]

So how did the rest of the weekend go? Hopefully she calmed down and wanted to reconnect with you.

[newaussiecuck]

So how did the rest of the weekend go? Hopefully she calmed down and wanted to reconnect with you.

Yeah I think pretty much on Sunday she was wanting to reconnect more, maybe after realising that I was now the one being distant. We went out somewhere for lunch and take the dog for a walk. It was nice but yeah I was still feeling pretty off and distant.

By the end of the night I was a lot better but it was just headphones on while she watched videos in bed. Now back to work for the week so she'll be spending lots of time online again.

Whole out we had coffee and desert somewhere and we talked a bit. She mentioned maybe starting a small business or something at home. It would be good for her to do something but I also suggested maybe she can get a job for a bit in an office or something. I told her that she's become pretty isolated. I don't think she was too keen on that idea though.

[newaussiecuck]

Whew, lots going on.
I couldn't agree more with your therapist that whatever measures you are using to know what's happening ought to be seen as entirely justified.
It's interesting that you wrote to park girl's apparent boyfriend and then didn't feel the need to send it. That reminds of something a therapist once described to me about a patient to whom he suggested he write a letter to the other person and not send it. He said once they did that the other person backed off and they never felt the need to send it. It's kind of like putting on an internal armour. I think to some extent you are already doing that, but if you wrote a letter to your wife laying out how you feel about the whole situation it might really help you as you articulate your own experience, and give you strength to deal with the day to day. You could decide later if you needed to send it. Just an idea.
Despite some bitter disappointments, it still sound like you are moving forward.
As for the office ladies it might not hurt to think of them as wolves, lol!

I have more to write on park girl's boyfriend and the letter shortly. I may need to send it after all.

Yes, I think that is a great idea to write a letter like that to my wife. If nothing else it will help me articulate and get my thoughts in order for when we can have a proper discussion on it. I think part of my problem is I can't even articulate my thoughts to myself let alone to her.

Wolves lol. I like that. I guess they see me as fresh meat being the new starter. Funny.

[newaussiecuck]

OK, so in regards to park girl, and her boyfriend and the message I wrote but didn't feel the need to send. I think we have a pretty big problem here.

I went to the park Saturday and she still wasn't there, not too unusual. I was really expecting her there Sunday though. So as to not miss her, I went pretty early and stayed an hour or so. We need to talk and sort it out to be able to move on. Avoiding me and avoiding talking isn't helping at all.

So while there, I saw a car drive past and keep going. The street is very quiet and any cars are either for the dog park or handful of houses that are on that street. The car had a dog in the back the same size and colour as her dog. It was a different car but it had plates that the young drivers here have to display. I'm sure it must have been her "boyfriend's" car. I feel they must have seen me there and kept going. That's next level avoidance and not good! There's no need for that and it makes me feel pretty uncomfortable. They should be able to come and enjoy the park whenever they want.

20 minutes later park girl 2.0 comes in (the one I said could possibly have been her sister, but who knows) and.while I was talking to her, I'm 99% sure I saw park girl drive past again in her actual car this time (same make, same colour and I think it was the same model but I didn't see the plates) with the same dog in the back and same young driver plates displayed as she has. It HAD to have been her. Again the car drove past and she never came in. I stayed maybe 30 minutes more and then I left.

So this is not good for her to make the effort to go there, probably twice, and not come in probably because of me. I've done nothing wrong to cause that kind of avoidance I don't think.

So I think at this point I need to send that message I wrote and reassure them that there's no need to avoid the place just because I'm there.

Thoughts????

[newaussiecuck]

After sleeping on it again (always best to avoid knee-jerk reactions) I've decided no action is necessary. Nothing has changed.

To respond now (3 weeks later) would be a sign of weakness and I would be assuming guilt when I've done nothing at all wrong. I was minding my own business and she came onto me hard. I was slow but eventually responded as intended, and in a reserved manor mind you. I think I can be proud of how I handled everything given all the circumstances I was going through at the time also. It's not my problem if she now wants to take back her actions for whatever reason.

If they feel the need to stay away for whatever reason, that is on them. It's a sign of severe insecurity and cowardice that he wouldn't come in with her just because I was there. Maybe she will sense that.

On other news, I got word last night that my dad is back in hospital. Nothing sudden happened but he's had a pretty steep decline over the last 3 weeks since he got out from his last stay. I'm praying he will be OK.

As for wife, same new routine. Computer is off but on the lounge and then bed with headphones on and head in her phone. Still not much of a relationship unfortunately. Computer is still being used during the day.

[Whosbeensleeping]

I agree that you handled it well.
That's unfortunate about your dad. Hope he take a turn for the better. A difficult time all around for you.
Hang in there. Things will get better.

[Bent_n_Twisted]

...I was minding my own business and she came onto me hard. I was slow but eventually responded as intended, and in a reserved manor mind you. I think I can be proud of how I handled everything given all the circumstances I was going through at the time also. It's not my problem if she now wants to take back her actions for whatever reason.

If they feel the need to stay away for whatever reason, that is on them. It's a sign of severe insecurity and cowardice that he wouldn't come in with her just because I was there. Maybe she will sense that.

Frankly, I think you misread the situation right from the start. You may be starving for affection, but that doesn't mean that every little chippy who smiles at you is 'coming on' to you. It was just friendly, casual chit-chat and you turned it into something it wasn't, because that's what you wanted it to be. Now you have made her uncomfortable, maybe even a little frightened, and nothing you do is going to make it better. Terming it 'insecurity and cowardice' is a stretch, and unreasonable, you are reading this just as badly as you read the situation in the beginning. *You* have scared her, now leave it alone. *Anything* you do will just make it worse. You might even find yourself on the wrong end of a 'stalking' charge, if they have laws about that down there.

I smile and chat with women of all ages, from young to old. It means nothing other than us being sociable. There is a little general store that I go to sometimes, to sit on the porch and sip coffee. There was one time when two cute young ladies were chatting with me, one touched my arm and the other touched my leg. Would you think that that meant that they were 'coming on' to me? Well it didn't. They were just being friendly and nothing more was meant by it. It might have been a little 'forward', being that I had never seen them before, and I didn't really mind but I am certain that it was in no way an invitation to make a sexual advance. It was just two young girls having a friendly conversation with an older 'grandpa' type.

You have nothing to be 'proud' of, *you* fucked up.

[newaussiecuck]

...I was minding my own business and she came onto me hard. I was slow but eventually responded as intended, and in a reserved manor mind you. I think I can be proud of how I handled everything given all the circumstances I was going through at the time also. It's not my problem if she now wants to take back her actions for whatever reason.

If they feel the need to stay away for whatever reason, that is on them. It's a sign of severe insecurity and cowardice that he wouldn't come in with her just because I was there. Maybe she will sense that.

Frankly, I think you misread the situation right from the start. You may be starving for affection, but that doesn't mean that every little chippy who smiles at you is 'coming on' to you. It was just friendly, casual chit-chat and you turned it into something it wasn't, because that's what you wanted it to be. Now you have made her uncomfortable, maybe even a little frightened, and nothing you do is going to make it better. Terming it 'insecurity and cowardice' is a stretch, and unreasonable, you are reading this just as badly as you read the situation in the beginning. *You* have scared her, now leave it alone. *Anything* you do will just make it worse. You might even find yourself on the wrong end of a 'stalking' charge, if they have laws about that down there.

I smile and chat with women of all ages, from young to old. It means nothing other than us being sociable. There is a little general store that I go to sometimes, to sit on the porch and sip coffee. There was one time when two cute young ladies were chatting with me, one touched my arm and the other touched my leg. Would you think that that meant that they were 'coming on' to me? Well it didn't. They were just being friendly and nothing more was meant by it. It might have been a little 'forward', being that I had never seen them before, and I didn't really mind but I am certain that it was in no way an invitation to make a sexual advance. It was just two young girls having a friendly conversation with an older 'grandpa' type.

You have nothing to be 'proud' of, *you* fucked up.

I don't think I miss read it from the start but I agree there was a point where her feelings had changed, some time between the 2nd last time I saw her and the last time. Thinking back to day of the 2nd last time I saw her, she asked me how my day was and what I had done that day. I mentioned that I had gone for a job interview that day. Maybe she thought I was an unemployed loser and stayed away after that. However my time off was self-funded and I wasn't accepting any government benefits, she wouldn't have known that though.

I only saw her the once after that day and it was right after I got the news about my dad being in an ambulance. I was a mess and shouldn't have gone that day.

In the prior weeks she had asked how often I go there and then she started coming more often. She asked what time I go there and she started coming that exact time. She asked where I parked my car and she then started parking there. She asked if I would like to have another dog and when I said I wasn't sure, maybe not, she said that I could have her dog if I would like that while smiling at me. Maybe I'm just clueless but these did seem like signals of interest to me.

She had also raised the point several times about my car, and also about where I live (clarified two or three times including whether I could walk there), and how many minutes it takes me to get to the park. The location of where I live and what car I drive seemed very important to her. Odd for a casual friend at the park. Her family friend also asked me where I live, so did the lady that I thought could be her mum and the lady who I thought could possibly be her sister (all from the same country at least). I've been going there almost every day for 8 months and nobody else has asked me where I live.

I don't think I mentioned it but the earlier night that we took a walk to the secluded place in the dark (she lead me there to that secluded location in the dark by the way), we were both crouched down patting our own dogs. She asked my dog to come closer. I'm 90% sure she was signalling for me to come closer as she was also smiling at me at the time. Having not made up my mind whether I actually wanted to start something with her or not, and also being very aware of the surroundings and not wanting to scare her, I erred on the side of caution and kind of awkwardly pushed my dog towards her instead. That was my opportunity to make a physical advance on her and I didn't!

I've never made any sexual comments or advances on her. I've never so much as brushed her arm. I've never made any physical contact at all or attempted to.

Since I was away visiting my dad and was going to be away a lot when I got back as I started a new job, I reached out to a mutual friend to explain why I'm uncharacteristically away and won't be around much, and to give her my phone number.

I purposely didn't ask for her contact details. I gave her mine and the ball is then entirely in her court as to whether she uses it or not. I fail to see how that could be perceived as threatening or reason to be afraid of me. However the way the person passed on my message was wrong. Instead of saying how I was away etc and won't be around much he just told her that I was looking for her. I guess in hindsight that does sound a bit sinister but it is totally not what I meant! There seems no way to correct this misunderstanding unless I answer her "boyfriend's" Facebook message but I don't think that is a good idea. So as you suggested (and what I have been doing) is to just leave it.

I've made no further attempts to locate her or contact her. I've been going to the park way less, not more. Even though I have since run into a friend of hers there, I never asked her friend about her.

If I've done something wrong then I'm forever lost and I have no idea how to relate with women.

I'm sorry but I'm just pretty upset to think that I have frightened someone and yes I agree that her behaviour indicates that I somehow have I just don't know how. I feel like I've gone way out of my way so as to not frighten her.

I haven't already for 3 weeks, but I won't make any attempts to talk to her or contact her. I will only talk to her if she talks to me first.

[gordon921]

newaussiecuck, really forget about any park girls, honestly, it does sound a bit creepy.

You should be totally focused on trying to save your marriage or just ending it. If you don't do something it will end at some point.

Your wife being hot and cold is not you controlling the situation or her reacting to your behavior, but her outlook towards what happening in her life.

I doubt you have had a heart to heart talk with her, you hint at things, but really don't believe the two of you have sat down at a table and talked. I also struggle with you saying she always shuts you down, don't let her, be forceful, don't let her shut you down, are you submissive to her, would you stand up to a colleague at work trying the same thing?

Sorry but you really need to get a grip of the situation, but suspect you're scared it will end in divorce and you'll lose 50%, but think if you do nothing it could very well end in divorce as well, initiate by her and guess what, you will still lose 50%.

Why do you allow her to come to bed and then watch video's, the bed should be about both of you, having a snuggle, chat, talk, messing around, making love, but you allow her to ignore you and watch video's...

So you choice is, meet it head on now and you could be divorced in 6 months or carry on the miserable life you leading now and you marriage could be over soon or later, but you're still going to be miserable.

Divorce is a new dawn in situations like this.

[Whosbeensleeping]

...I was minding my own business and she came onto me hard. I was slow but eventually responded as intended, and in a reserved manor mind you. I think I can be proud of how I handled everything given all the circumstances I was going through at the time also. It's not my problem if she now wants to take back her actions for whatever reason.

If they feel the need to stay away for whatever reason, that is on them. It's a sign of severe insecurity and cowardice that he wouldn't come in with her just because I was there. Maybe she will sense that.

Frankly, I think you misread the situation right from the start. You may be starving for affection, but that doesn't mean that every little chippy who smiles at you is 'coming on' to you. It was just friendly, casual chit-chat and you turned it into something it wasn't, because that's what you wanted it to be. Now you have made her uncomfortable, maybe even a little frightened, and nothing you do is going to make it better. Terming it 'insecurity and cowardice' is a stretch, and unreasonable, you are reading this just as badly as you read the situation in the beginning. *You* have scared her, now leave it alone. *Anything* you do will just make it worse. You might even find yourself on the wrong end of a 'stalking' charge, if they have laws about that down there.

I smile and chat with women of all ages, from young to old. It means nothing other than us being sociable. There is a little general store that I go to sometimes, to sit on the porch and sip coffee. There was one time when two cute young ladies were chatting with me, one touched my arm and the other touched my leg. Would you think that that meant that they were 'coming on' to me? Well it didn't. They were just being friendly and nothing more was meant by it. It might have been a little 'forward', being that I had never seen them before, and I didn't really mind but I am certain that it was in no way an invitation to make a sexual advance. It was just two young girls having a friendly conversation with an older 'grandpa' type.

You have nothing to be 'proud' of, *you* fucked up.

I don't think I miss read it from the start but I agree there was a point where her feelings had changed, some time between the 2nd last time I saw her and the last time. Thinking back to day of the 2nd last time I saw her, she asked me how my day was and what I had done that day. I mentioned that I had gone for a job interview that day. Maybe she thought I was an unemployed loser and stayed away after that. However my time off was self-funded and I wasn't accepting any government benefits, she wouldn't have known that though.

I only saw her the once after that day and it was right after I got the news about my dad being in an ambulance. I was a mess and shouldn't have gone that day.

In the prior weeks she had asked how often I go there and then she started coming more often. She asked what time I go there and she started coming that exact time. She asked where I parked my car and she then started parking there. She asked if I would like to have another dog and when I said I wasn't sure, maybe not, she said that I could have her dog if I would like that while smiling at me. Maybe I'm just clueless but these did seem like signals of interest to me.

She had also raised the point several times about my car, and also about where I live (clarified two or three times including whether I could walk there), and how many minutes it takes me to get to the park. The location of where I live and what car I drive seemed very important to her. Odd for a casual friend at the park. Her family friend also asked me where I live, so did the lady that I thought could be her mum and the lady who I thought could possibly be her sister (all from the same country at least). I've been going there almost every day for 8 months and nobody else has asked me where I live.

I don't think I mentioned it but the earlier night that we took a walk to the secluded place in the dark (she lead me there to that secluded location in the dark by the way), we were both crouched down patting our own dogs. She asked my dog to come closer. I'm 90% sure she was signalling for me to come closer as she was also smiling at me at the time. Having not made up my mind whether I actually wanted to start something with her or not, and also being very aware of the surroundings and not wanting to scare her, I erred on the side of caution and kind of awkwardly pushed my dog towards her instead. That was my opportunity to make a physical advance on her and I didn't!

I've never made any sexual comments or advances on her. I've never so much as brushed her arm. I've never made any physical contact at all or attempted to.

Since I was away visiting my dad and was going to be away a lot when I got back as I started a new job, I reached out to a mutual friend to explain why I'm uncharacteristically away and won't be around much, and to give her my phone number.

I purposely didn't ask for her contact details. I gave her mine and the ball is then entirely in her court as to whether she uses it or not. I fail to see how that could be perceived as threatening or reason to be afraid of me. However the way the person passed on my message was wrong. Instead of saying how I was away etc and won't be around much he just told her that I was looking for her. I guess in hindsight that does sound a bit sinister but it is totally not what I meant! There seems no way to correct this misunderstanding unless I answer her "boyfriend's" Facebook message but I don't think that is a good idea. So as you suggested (and what I have been doing) is to just leave it.

I've made no further attempts to locate her or contact her. I've been going to the park way less, not more. Even though I have since run into a friend of hers there, I never asked her friend about her.

If I've done something wrong then I'm forever lost and I have no idea how to relate with women.

I'm sorry but I'm just pretty upset to think that I have frightened someone and yes I agree that her behaviour indicates that I somehow have I just don't know how. I feel like I've gone way out of my way so as to not frighten her.

I haven't already for 3 weeks, but I won't make any attempts to talk to her or contact her. I will only talk to her if she talks to me first.

The dog park is a special place. Something about the animal energy and feeling good in one's skin, maybe? I know I've developed crushes there, despite having a strong marriage. Maybe it's that state of canine play that sparks the imagination? Who knows.
In any event it doesn't sound like you crossed any significant boundaries. Sometimes a man and a woman can have different experiences and perceptions during brief interchanges, and the attraction can go either way.
There's no harm in a little frisson, though trying to reach her may have triggered some fears around potentially being stalked.
I hope that the scrutiny you get here hasn't discouraged you too much and that you are doing all right.
Real life has gotten in the way of me posting lately, so just wanted to stop by and say hello. How's it going with everything?

[gordon921]

Hi newaussiecuck,

it's been a while since you last posted an update, how are things going?

Regards
Gordon

[newaussiecuck]

I've been absent a while. In some sense not much has happened but in another sense a LOT has happened.

Before making my last update I came on to write about some good news. We made love that morning and it was amazing. She looked at me afterwards and I could see pure love in her eyes. It was wonderful. I didn't end up writing about it. I got a bit upset that day but only because it was the truth. I did fuck up, but I've now come to be at peace with that. I'll write about PG in another update. I haven't spoken to her since but I did see her once, from about 50-100 meters away. It's a strange thing though. The last time I spoke to her was the day I got the phone call about my dad's first trip to the hospital. The next and last time I saw her (but from a distance) was the day he died. Weird huh?

However I didn't come here to write about any of that stuff. There are much more important things.

My dad's funeral is on tomorrow. He was an amazing man and I'll miss him dearly. After missing most of the last 2-3 years of his life due to Covid and lockdowns and state border closures etc etc etc, I am so thankful I was able to take the opportunity to spend almost a week with him when he got out of the hospital the first time, it was the last time I saw him in person. After he went back in the 2nd time he wasn't able to recover. On fathers day we got the news that he wasn't coming out of hospital and had 1-2 months left to live. That was the last day I spoke to him on the phone, and even then he could only manage about 4-5 words to me. He was gone just 7 days later. I can live with my last words to him being "I love you dad".

They were never really able to diagnose what was wrong with him. During the period they first thought he had a stroke, then they ruled it out. Then they said maybe he did have one they're not sure. Then they said it was from seizures and they gave him anti-seizure medication which seemed to help a bit but not much. Finally they say it was some form of MND, but they said he had some signs of it and some other signs he didn't have. It's also not usually so aggressive, mean time between diagnosis and death for MND is usually 3 years, not 1 week. He was still driving his car only 8 weeks before he died! I have my suspicions as to what has caused it. The timing of it coinciding with the start of his decline is too big of a coincidence for me. He had his 4th of the thing I got fired for not taking just 10 weeks before he died and he last drove his car 8 weeks before. However I keep my thoughts to myself as it is very upsetting for me, and would be devastating for my mum if it turned out to be the cause. I have no way to prove it and nobody would own up to that being the cause anyway. In my own heart though I know it's from the thing that must not be spoken about. The doctors were stumped and I've been hearing that a lot.

My poor mum is devastated, she's the one that's always been having health problems, it never entered her head that my dad would go first. She keeps saying "I can't believe it, this shouldn't have happened". She's handling herself very well though, a tower of strength. She was even able to have a dance with me and my brother and nephews at the wedding. I even saw her smiling while dancing and that meant the world to see that.

As for my wife, things are ok and seem to be pretty good. Unfortunately she wasn't able to make it with me to the wedding or funeral (they're just 5 days apart) as she had made prior commitments to her mum. She's looking after not just our dog but her mum's as well while I'm away. I'm sad she's not with me now, but I also understand. We talk and text every day while I'm away, and it feels ok. I can concentrate on being there for my mum to help her through this period.

I'll end here as I need to finish writing the eulogy for tomorrow, but will probably be back again at some point.

[Whosbeensleeping]

It is a very rough thing to lose a parent and there's something about losing a father that's especially hard. My father died a year ago today. My sincere condolences. Will be thinking of you and your family.

[gordon921]

I come from a very dispersed family for reasons I'll not say, when my parents were alive we lived in 5 countries on 4 continents, my dad lived in your country. It was hard feel for you.

[newaussiecuck]

My dad's funeral went off really well. It was a beautiful service and I think we did him proud. Many spoke about how good a job my brothers and I did with our eulogies. Although it should never be a competition, many said that it was the best funeral they've ever been to.

That's all that we could have asked for in these circumstances. To send him off and remember him and celebrate his life in the way he deserved. He was a wonderful man and father and will be forever missed and remembered.