A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

We still haven't talked about it. I agree, saying that other stuff wouldn't be helpful. I was completely spent last night and had nothing left to give in order to be able to talk coherently about anything. Weather was bad so didn't go to the park, but I was planning to give it a miss last night anyway even if weather was good. I was frazzled and pretty late home anyway.

Urgent priority is what to do about park tonight. I would really appreciate some input, but I guess ultimately I need to play it by ear and decide for myself.

I have 3 options that I can see:

1. Don't go to park today.
2. Go as usual on my own.
3. Invite wife to come with me (she might decline).

I spoke to my mum yesterday and she's advised that I should do everything that I can to stay together. She said she always thought we'd be together forever as we were so good for so long (my sentiments also).

Wife seems to be doing all the right things as far as what I can see. Computer seems to have been untouched since last Friday morning. She's doing bits of housework here and there but mostly staying in bed. Maybe I just need to give her space to maybe mourn her other relationship if it's ended and to decide what to do from here. Maybe missing the park for today (or inviting her along) would be the right move.

I guess I need to focus on resolving things with my wife first and sort out what we want to do before considering L any further. If things still fall apart with wife but it's too late for L, then I guess there would be no shortage of PG1.0, L types interested in a guy like me. Young Asian girl with middle aged white guy is so common it's almost cliche I guess.

I hate that I've hurt my wife this week, I really can't stand hurting her.

[whosbeensleeping]

We still haven't talked about it. I agree, saying that other stuff wouldn't be helpful. I was completely spent last night and had nothing left to give in order to be able to talk coherently about anything. Weather was bad so didn't go to the park, but I was planning to give it a miss last night anyway even if weather was good. I was frazzled and pretty late home anyway.

Urgent priority is what to do about park tonight. I would really appreciate some input, but I guess ultimately I need to play it by ear and decide for myself.

I have 3 options that I can see:

1. Don't go to park today.
2. Go as usual on my own.
3. Invite wife to come with me (she might decline).

I spoke to my mum yesterday and she's advised that I should do everything that I can to stay together. She said she always thought we'd be together forever as we were so good for so long (my sentiments also).

Wife seems to be doing all the right things as far as what I can see. Computer seems to have been untouched since last Friday morning. She's doing bits of housework here and there but mostly staying in bed. Maybe I just need to give her space to maybe mourn her other relationship if it's ended and to decide what to do from here. Maybe missing the park for today (or inviting her along) would be the right move.

I guess I need to focus on resolving things with my wife first and sort out what we want to do before considering L any further. If things still fall apart with wife but it's too late for L, then I guess there would be no shortage of PG1.0, L types interested in a guy like me. Young Asian girl with middle aged white guy is so common it's almost cliche I guess.

I hate that I've hurt my wife this week, I really can't stand hurting her.

I would go with one of those two options as well. Not sure which but likely the second one, as normalcy, even if it's an abnormal normalcy, is a good thing in times of chaos.

[newaussiecuck]

We still haven't talked about it. I agree, saying that other stuff wouldn't be helpful. I was completely spent last night and had nothing left to give in order to be able to talk coherently about anything. Weather was bad so didn't go to the park, but I was planning to give it a miss last night anyway even if weather was good. I was frazzled and pretty late home anyway.

Urgent priority is what to do about park tonight. I would really appreciate some input, but I guess ultimately I need to play it by ear and decide for myself.

I have 3 options that I can see:

1. Don't go to park today.
2. Go as usual on my own.
3. Invite wife to come with me (she might decline).

I spoke to my mum yesterday and she's advised that I should do everything that I can to stay together. She said she always thought we'd be together forever as we were so good for so long (my sentiments also).

Wife seems to be doing all the right things as far as what I can see. Computer seems to have been untouched since last Friday morning. She's doing bits of housework here and there but mostly staying in bed. Maybe I just need to give her space to maybe mourn her other relationship if it's ended and to decide what to do from here. Maybe missing the park for today (or inviting her along) would be the right move.

I guess I need to focus on resolving things with my wife first and sort out what we want to do before considering L any further. If things still fall apart with wife but it's too late for L, then I guess there would be no shortage of PG1.0, L types interested in a guy like me. Young Asian girl with middle aged white guy is so common it's almost cliche I guess.

I hate that I've hurt my wife this week, I really can't stand hurting her.

I would go with one of those two options as well. Not sure which but likely the second one, as normalcy, even if it's an abnormal normalcy, is a good thing in times of chaos.

Just to clarify, you mean to go as usual but ask if she would like to join me? Yes, I think this is the best option.

Temperature and stress levels are coming down a bit today. I've thought about it more, and I think I said enough last Friday. I didn’t say much but it was very raw and powerful and full of conviction. The point got driven home hard, that I am sure. The whole thing has given us both a huge shakeup and we need time to process it. I don't think there's much further to be gained from talking right now. Somtimes less can be more. No need to over explain or rub her face in it. Just let time heal the wounds and see if we can come back together again nicely. Initial signs today are promising.

Unfortunately though, I have no way to know or verify if she's still using her phone to keep in contact. I hope she hasn't or that could be responsible for slight increase in mood. I don't think so though. Maybe she had been looking for a way out for a while now. Maybe she just needed that shove from me.

I think someone might have mentioned this already, but I think she had lost respect for me. Maybe I have been able to regain some. I don't think she has felt me stand up to her like this before.

[newaussiecuck]

Also I should mention there has been some hugging, hand holding and peck on lips type of stuff. Not lots and lots but it's there.

Her birthday is coming up and we need to organise a get together with friends. She mentioned it again today and for the 2nd time she has asked somthing along the lines of "If you're still wanting to go".

Maybe she's seeking reassurance that we're still together? I haven't indicated we're not, but I guess she had really felt me looking to move on and stopping her from going to the park last Friday would have added petrol to those feelings.

[whosbeensleeping]

Sounds like you have a good handle on things.
I guess if you keep quiet about knowing what you do then you'll be able to verify later if things seem to be improving.

[newaussiecuck]

I asked wife to come to the park with me last night, but she declined in order to stay home and cook dinner. I suggested we could cook it later but she politely declined. I was hoping it was a show of good faith that she might choose to reciprocate but no. I guess I can't blame her after last Friday.

No L again at the park but it's not really her time during the week anyway. PG 1.0 was there and talking with that lady that I mentioned who knew Ls dog and knew my name. I just waved and said hello to them both but that was it, I didn’t go over and talk or anything. PG responded happily with a hello and wave.

Tensions have really calmed down at home, and wife almost seems happy. I'm starting to feel maybe a little too happy for someone having busted up an almost 3 year relationship. Something's telling me that maybe it isn't done and over with. I'm really flying blind now, wishing I just let wife come with me last Friday though it will give a chance to see which way she'll go. If she keeps the online relationship after all this then there's no hope for us. The computer remains where it was, seemingly untouched. I wonder if it will get used today.

I do find it hard to imagine that she won't go back to it once she feels she's really pulled me back into line. I'm also starting to feel like I fell for manipulation with that very sad morose phone call.

Wife is in bed very early, like right after dinner but on phone, headphones on and under the covers.

With tensions lowered I do feel my mind wandering to L quite a bit. The appeal of a fresh start, her warm nature and possibility of future children is pretty strong. Plus her family, if that was them, seem really nice. I'm also wondering how we can go back to have a proper relationship after all this. Nothing feels normal or like it could ever be the same again. Even if we get past all this, whatever problems she had with me to cause her to be like this would still be there.

[whosbeensleeping]

She may just be feeling like she dodged a bullet right now.

[newaussiecuck]

She may just be feeling like she dodged a bullet right now.

Yeah, I guess she did.

For now at least I'll just try and let things settle down a bit and try and keep things low key. I'll go to the park as usual, probably won't ask again if she wants to come, but if she ever asks to come I'll say yes (like I should have last time). Even if it turns out that she's with me when L is there then so be it. I just wish to see L one more time on my own first.

With L (if I do ever see her again) I might just get to know her a bit more but again try and keep it low key.

Need to try and get through wife's upcoming birthday without any more drama. Plus I'm completely frazzled and need to recover and regroup. At least I slept well last night for first time in 2 weeks.

[newaussiecuck]

Went to the park, no L again. I think it's because the puppy classes she was going to before the park have been cancelled last 3 weeks. Once because of bad weather and twice because of Easter holidays. I think maybe that has upset her normal routine as she was going there and then stopping by the park afterwards. Probably harder to tell family she's going out to meet with me. Otherwise maybe she's run away scared after getting my attention and I was imagining that it was her family that had been coming. I don't think so though, I've been pretty good with my intuition so far. I think it's one thing to bump into me at the park after leaving home for puppy school, however it's an entirely different thing to leave home just to meet me when we're not officially dating. Sounds like a silly splitting of hairs, but I think culturally it makes sense to me. I guess it's important for her to act properly in the eyes of her family and I can respect that.

Life at home has been unbearably uncomfortable. I wish there was yelling and screaming but its just uncomfortably quiet and depressing.I don't know what to do or say to make things better. Her time away from the computer hasn't been made up by extra time with me, that's for sure. She's either busy doing housework (maybe attempting to atone for her sins) or in bed. I'm pretty sure I caught her typing to her online friend on her phone last night.

I revisited some meditation/self improvement type audio last night. First thing that came up was "Cut ties with negative people". I felt like the universe is trying to tell me somthing. Like the other week when I prayed for both wife and L and was struck by positivity and light when thinking of L and negativity and darkness when thinking of wife.

After hurting for the last 2.5 years I was finally feeling out of that hurt. Now I'm hurting all over again. I cried today for first time since dad passed away. Was outside in backyard so that so at least she didn't see. In hindsight I should have just let her come to the park, but at the same time I feel entirely justified for standing my ground.

Life just sucks at the moment. I think I'll get back into working out again and focus on building myself back up again.

[whosbeensleeping]

Building yourself back up sounds like an excellent plan.
Seems like she may be in the grip of a compulsion. That doesn't excuse it though.

[newaussiecuck]

Well it seems that L is still well and truly in the picture, though I still haven't seen her. I decided to give the park a miss Saturday night due to bad weather and too much tension at home, and thinking there was zero chance of L turning up since it had just rained with more rain due. Thought I'd tone it down a bit with wife's upcoming birthday and all.

So when I went again last night one of the guys there (he's a bit elderly and was there the first day I met L) told me that she had actually come on Saturday afternoon at the time that I normally go, and she was asking about me!!!! Checking if anyone had seen me or if I had been and gone already.

It sucks that I missed her, but I got a really nice bump to hear that she had been asking about me. A really nice feeling and I couldn't stop smiling. I told the guy that she's a really nice lady and he agreed. I told him that if he sees her again to tell her that I said hi. I really do hope I see her again soon, but I won't be able to go much this week because of work commitments.

Things with wife still suck, she was a bit of a storm cloud last night hardly speaking to me. I decided that I can't keep letting her drag me down so I went and did a great workout instead. I want to focus on nice feelings not misery, I've had too much of that over the last few years.

I guess wife is frustrated that she's using all her tricks on me but I still haven't budged. Problem is she doesn't have much left to hit me with, without resorting to being really nasty ( not there yet). I'm trying to respond with kindness and I think she hates that as it takes away her ammunition. She can't take away sex since we barely have it. She's doing cold shoulder treatment and not talking to me much, but that's how it's been last 2-3 years anyway. She's coming to bed very early, but then putting on headphones and head in phone. So that's the same as usual just the time of coming to bed has changed. She's not wanting to do anything with me, but again that's the same as most of the last 2-3 years.

[whosbeensleeping]

Glad to hear you're prioritizing your well-being. Sounds like she is demonstrating where her interests lie.
It's a good feeling to know you mean something to someone you're interested in. Nice that you got that affirmation.

[newaussiecuck]

Glad to hear you're prioritizing your well-being. Sounds like she is demonstrating where her interests lie.
It's a good feeling to know you mean something to someone you're interested in. Nice that you got that affirmation.

Yeah, gotta look after myself. It was definitely nice to hear of L looking for me. I really love her confidence and boldness to just go there and ask about me to my friends.

Unfortunately this isn't really the reaction I was hoping for from wife. I kind of did what I did to shock her and see if there could be a path forward for us. Yes she's gotten off computer (good in some ways but it's made this week a living hell) but I don't trust that she's not still on phone. It also sucks that it took this final straw and basically getting called out for her to stop.

I was hoping there would be warmness and an attempt to reconcile, but the actions she's taking is just to throw herself into housework (which is actually making me feel uncomfortable) and to just be so negative towards me. I guess more housework is her answer for everything. Last year when I sat her down to find out what I've done wrong or could do better, her only response was to do more work around the house. I did by the truckload but it didn't change anything. She then rewarded me for it by not coming to see dad with me.

It sucks as it's really hard to see such a great relationship that we once had seemingly come to an end. I really did love her and would have done anything for her. I do still love her, which is why all this is so hard. It's just so hard to see past what happened last few years though.

I've been thinking of what to say to her when we do finally talk. I think I'll just say that she's been giving me major signals that she's wanted out for 3 to 4 years now (and give what these signals were). Really though I'm at a loss as to what to say. It's just all really hard.

I still don't feel like I've done much wrong. I think I've been a great husband to her. I guess it's hard for her to see that though.

So yeah, just working hard to not let her poison my mind and spirit or that would be most unattractive for L. Gotta keep positive and looking forward to great things whatever that might be.

[whosbeensleeping]

"Gotta keep positive and looking forward to great things whatever that might be."
I agree.

[Long Lurker 34]

NAC - Glad L was asking after you. Very encouraging.
Frankly I'd be looking at an exit plan regarding the wife. I believe she very much has her own agenda and you are only in it if there is a major benefit to her.
KCCO and remember to breath.

[newaussiecuck]

NAC - Glad L was asking after you. Very encouraging.
Frankly I'd be looking at an exit plan regarding the wife. I believe she very much has her own agenda and you are only in it if there is a major benefit to her.
KCCO and remember to breath.

"I believe she very much has her own agenda and you are only in it if there is a major benefit to her."


This. 10,000%. Thanks for putting into words what I couldn't quite get to grips with. It's at the heart of my problem with her. I no longer feel that she has OUR best interests at heart and I've felt this way for last 2-3 years. Everything she's done or had me do was for her own agenda. All those projects just to keep me occupied and out of her business.

It's why I can no longer just blindly do anything that she asks of me, I just don't trust that she has my best wishes at heart. She pulls me and pushes me back and forth to whatever way the wind is blowing with her.

L seems really great but in reality I think I made the decision to leave last year well before L was even an idea. I think she just came at the right time. A few interesting signs/coincidences with her:

1. I met her on the day that was my final straw broke. The cancelled camping trip. I just didn't know that day that she could turn out to be someone of interest. That didn't happen until our 4th meeting.
2. The day I met her was my brother's birthday.
3. Her name is the same as my other brother's wife.

Just some fun coincidences. Maybe a sign. Hope I see her soon.

[newaussiecuck]

NAC - Glad L was asking after you. Very encouraging.
Frankly I'd be looking at an exit plan regarding the wife. I believe she very much has her own agenda and you are only in it if there is a major benefit to her.
KCCO and remember to breath.

Does anyone have good suggestions on an exit plan or how to come up with one. Or any good resources to look into?

[newaussiecuck]

Wife's birthday has been and gone and what a joy that was (dripping sarcasm). Hated my gift and basically scowled and cold shoulder most of the day. Was an extremely unpleasant experience and wished I could have been anywhere else. Unfortunately I had to be there working from home that day.

Next day I worked in the office and dreaded coming home. However some kind of magical switch had been flipped and she was being so nice and pleasant and kinda freaked me out. I think she was angling maybe for an invite to the park. I need to insist on keeping that a separate activity. With or without L or any park girls, I need a happy place that I can go to away from wife and troubles to just relax and be peaceful. I was in a pretty dangerous position last year with losing job and thus my whole support network as I had no friends of my own and wife was nowhere. I can't be in that position again. Plus, yes I do need to see where things can progress with L.

We have a lunch scheduled on Saturday which clashes a bit with the most likely time I will see L. If she comes I will likely either miss her completely or not be able to spend long. Getting out alone without another huge fight with wife will also be a challenge. Going to the lunch with her friends after a huge fight will suck. I hope she just lets me be.

I had another great workout last night.

[Maddie_Hippychick]

Ya know? Sometimes… It’s OK to be the bad guy. Please, stop beating this dead horse. Divorce.

[whosbeensleeping]

Sorry to hear things are like that.
I think you have your head on straight despite an extremely difficult situation.
I consulted Dr Google and had good luck with the following terms: how to make an exit plan from marriage.
Found some really valuable stuff. It's good to plan very carefully.
As for Saturday, maybe a short visit would still be worthwhile?

[Long Lurker 34]

NAC - This flipping of her personality back and forth, does she or family have any history of mental illness?
I goatta say, if this has been going on for 3-4 years, I'd be looking for place to be moving into.

[newaussiecuck]

Ya know? Sometimes… It’s OK to be the bad guy. Please, stop beating this dead horse. Divorce.

Thank you. I do have an overwhelming need for doing what's right. I guess it helps what you said that sometimes it's OK to be the bad guy.

I guess if I can really mean something to somebody else as a result of moving on then I can see that as I'm doing what's right.

For whatever reason it seems she's just not happy with me, and it could possibly be as simple as that I am just not of the right gender for her. Same thing happened to my sister's husband's first marriage. He then met my sister and remarried and they have a kid. He seems happy as a result.

[newaussiecuck]

Sorry to hear things are like that.
I think you have your head on straight despite an extremely difficult situation.
I consulted Dr Google and had good luck with the following terms: how to make an exit plan from marriage.
Found some really valuable stuff. It's good to plan very carefully.
As for Saturday, maybe a short visit would still be worthwhile?

Thank you I will do some searches for information. My time is a bit limited now for research since wife is no longer staying up on computer. I would have normally researched stuff like that when I used to be alone in bed. I still feel alone in bed even though there is another body physically present.

Yes come hell or high water I'll be going to the park on Saturday for as long as I can, but that won't be nearly as long as I would like. I really do hope I see L. The shot in the arm from hearing about her asking for me is wearing off. What are we 3 to 4 weeks now without seeing her? I really don't know if she's still interested or found someone else by now however I do still feel the connection is still there. There's been no more surprise mystery visits from people that I suspect know her. It's surprising me just how keen I am on her. I'll need to tone this down for fear of scaring her away if/when I see her.

[newaussiecuck]

NAC - This flipping of her personality back and forth, does she or family have any history of mental illness?
I goatta say, if this has been going on for 3-4 years, I'd be looking for place to be moving into.

Good question and not that I'm aware of. However she had a rough time during her formative years which I think might have left her with some abandonment type issues. I kind of feel that maybe since I didn't leave her that she's acted out in order to cause me to leave, thus filfilling her view that everyone leaves her eventually. I'm not a psychologist but it's just a theory that I have.

During the years she's kind of cut herself off from family and friends to a very large extent. I just happened to be the last person left to be done away with I guess.

It's very sad, but I've done all that I could.

I think I've written before about being scared for my physical safety when TSHTF so yeah maybe getting out is a good option. Will just have to guage things as it comes. Trying to difuse things as best as I can. Her mum is out of the country for another couple of weeks. It would be best to wait for her to return if at all possible.

One thing I've noticed this week is that if I let her pull me down and feel and act sad and hurt etc, I can see that actually boosts her mood. When I'm feeling good and acting happy, the storm clouds roll in and she pulls me down again. I'm getting better at detaching and not letting her drag me down though.

On a positive note I did another great workout last night that's left me feeling pretty good and strong.

[whosbeensleeping]

The exit plan idea is a good one and will help keep you grounded when everything explodes around you.
I'm sure the workouts are a life saver too.
The stuff you observe is real. That's human nature, so I think your caution is well-advised.