Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[user322]

Hi, I think I've figured out your problem, and it's actually quite simple (at least in theory; later, practice will always be more engaging).

You actually seem to have strong submissive desires. You don't just want your girlfriend to sleep with another man; you seem to want to be submissive, and perhaps you want to go quite far down this path.

This means that it's a huge change in your behavior!
Some men, when they move towards this lifestyle, are content with wanting their wife to be with another partner. This brings about certain changes, especially in the dynamics of the couple, but the man's personality doesn't change much.

However, in your case, you're going from a man whose behavior corresponds to societal norms to a submissive man. This means that in your case, there's a significant change in behavior and personality, and above all, a change that doesn't correspond at all to societal norms! That's why your ego has been so severely affected.

And this change is so enormous for you that you need to take the time to manage it. Everyone has their own personality: some accept their submissions quickly, others take longer. You need time!

And what happened for you is that things moved too fast! Too fast for your own pace! For someone else, it might have been manageable, but not for you!

So you would have needed things to move more slowly, but since it moved too fast, you couldn't take it all in. And that shook you, destabilized you, and made you depressed.

So you have a desire to continue on this path, but gradually, while you adjust to your new personality.
That's why you wrote this:

I think during our conversation last night, I made it clear to her, in a confused way, that I didn't want this, but that I wouldn't ask her to stop either, which she seemed to understand.

What you said seems contradictory, but in fact it's completely normal. You say that "you don't want this," because the way things have been done up to now, it's gone too fast.

And it's this speed that you don't want.

And then you say that "you don't want to stop either" because you'd like to continue on this path, but more slowly and gradually.


So your problem seems pretty simple: you want to go this way, but slower. If it goes too fast, it will freak you out.

If my theory is correct I think you should talk to your girlfriend about it so you can start a transformation process for yourself, step by step, until you are a submissive cuckold.




( Quick note: I feel like you have a girlfriend who really loves you, and is very understanding of your fantasies, and very open-minded. If you really want to experiment with the cuckold lifestyle, I feel like she is a precious woman you have in your hands. )

[anondesires]

Anondesires
Some real good thoughts from you in today’s posts.

Has she said anything about going out with the guys from work again tonight?

She got the offer again but turned it down this time, she knew it wasn't right for us right now.
We went on a dinner date instead and she got dressed up.

[Watchinu69]

Sounds like your women is giving you what you wanted, time to man up & get over it.... it's life, stop making things difficult for no reason...

[anondesires]

Hi Anon, it pains me to read how your urges are freaking you out. I think for all us Cucks we can't understand the initial urges but over time we realise that it's simply who we are and learn to love it. Finding a loving partner who helps us on the journey is the key ingredient BUT so rare to find. I was so lucky to find Sally. She is the first person in my life whom I can be totally honest. Bizarrely I realised I had found my soulmate, the first time I cleaned up her Bull's creampie. I looked up, and she looked down on me with her empathic smile and even though she was still laid in his arms, the lightening bolt we both felt, transcended our love on a whole new level. I believe that level can only be achieved when you can be totally honest with each other. It is so freeing.
I can see how your thoughts of your friend understanding your desires are freaking you out, but I can also see how your honestly with him could help you on the journey.
Best wishes, You are so lucky to have found your partner at this stage of your life.

Thanks. I think we'll get there, wherever "there" is, we're still figuring it out.

[anondesires]

Anon,

Your comment here, really resonated with me:

"I think in our conversation last night, I confusingly put it to her that I don't want this but I won't ask her to stop either which she seemed to understand. In the last 2 days, she's really demonstrated why I trust her and should continue to trust her. It feels like I submitted, let go and gave up control by telling her that and she seemed to accept the responsibility of it."

A concept that really hits with me is the concept of the "reluctant cuckold", in that I'm not accepting of the situation that is developing, but at the same time, I'm not being assertive enough to put a stop to it, so my wife just keeps pushing my limits to see how far things can go, to the point that another man and my wife are openly flirty and affectionate in front of me and in public. I literally had a dream last night along these lines which was a very erotic dream for me. I'm sure reading your posts contributed a lot to this.

It will be interesting to see with the openness of communication you and your girlfriend are having, and the sensitivities expressed, how quickly she comes to you with the next endeavor.

Exactly as you say. I think I said earlier how I've always loved the idea of her being so horny that she needed to straddle my face and have me lick her. To me, cuckolding is like a step up from that, the idea that she's so horny for better dick that she's willing to hurt/humiliate me for it but only to the point that she knows I can tolerate/forgive.

[anondesires]

So your problem seems pretty simple: you want to go this way, but slower. If it goes too fast, it will freak you out.

If my theory is correct I think you should talk to your girlfriend about it so you can start a transformation process for yourself, step by step, until you are a submissive cuckold.

You're right that essentially some things have changed too fast but I don't think it was the experiences that were the most difficult to deal with. Her going out last week and sucking dick, I was fine with, it was an angsty time while she was out but I was ok with it after. Her fucking a guy she had fucked before, I was fine with, it was intense but I was ok with it after.

What I've seemed to struggle with most is accepting that I was living a lie and that lie couldn't continue. I can't go back to that "ignorance is bliss" place I was a couple of years ago where I thought I was able to sexually satisfy a woman that was out of my league. I struggle with realising that I'm not able to sexually satisfy women and there's not much I can do about that.
I think to give a specific example and context: My friend has always been jealous that I have such a hot girlfriend, I have always been quite proud of it, I've essentially rubbed it in his face at times that I get to do this and that with her. Now that would be completely flipped on its head if he were to be fucking her and able to satisfy her knowing full well that I can't and that I get more pleasure from watching him do all those things I bragged about in the past than I get from anything I can do with her.

That is how much my ego needs to deflate and you're right, it's too fast.

It took me months to accept that this fantasy turns me on as a fantasy. I was probably in denial about not being able to sexually satisfy women but the reality hit hard and fast the other day, I'm not sure there was a slower way of realising that, it just happened.

( Quick note: I feel like you have a girlfriend who really loves you, and is very understanding of your fantasies, and very open-minded. If you really want to experiment with the cuckold lifestyle, I feel like she is a precious woman you have in your hands. )

Thanks. In many ways, she's amazing. What I've always known, from when this fantasy started, is that she would be so quick to pounce on it and run away with it and that has been true.

[Wantsomefunto]

She really needs to feel the satisfaction of a bigger cock in her again

[elina]

......

She got the offer again but turned it down this time, she knew it wasn't right for us right now.
We went on a dinner date instead and she got dressed up.

Great,
I think both of you appreciated this now.
You know the statement; "Everything has changed, at the same time nothing has changed".

In some sense, everything has changed since both of you has gone through a pretty nerve wracking journey, learning (and accepting) things about yourself and your partner that you were either not fully aware of, or actively tried to suppress.

But then; Going on a dinner date with your Loved Girl, nicely dressed up, shows that in some sense nothing has changed.
You are still together, still love each other. I hope both of you really enjoyed it

You have several times stated that the changes was to abrubt for you, that you wished this had happened on a slower time scale. I can understand that. But at the same time doesn't it actually feel good now that you have arrived at this stage to have completed this part of your journey? If it had dragged out, maybe that would just have prolonged the pain and the agonizing? I am trying to ask you if you now start to see it this way, I am not telling you this is the way you should think; my thoughts for you to reflect on.

And then off course, we are all on our journeys through life. Yours is not finished. So has the time now come for you to discuss with your Wonderful Girlfriend how you can help Her satisfy Her urges....? How you can help Her feel good about the things that I think both of you now knows needs to happen next?

Sincere regards
elina

[user322]

You're right that essentially some things have changed too fast but I don't think it was the experiences that were the most difficult to deal with. Her going out last week and sucking dick, I was fine with, it was an angsty time while she was out but I was ok with it after. Her fucking a guy she had fucked before, I was fine with, it was intense but I was ok with it after.

What I've seemed to struggle with most is accepting that I was living a lie and that lie couldn't continue. I can't go back to that "ignorance is bliss" place I was a couple of years ago where I thought I was able to sexually satisfy a woman that was out of my league. I struggle with realising that I'm not able to sexually satisfy women and there's not much I can do about that.
I think to give a specific example and context: My friend has always been jealous that I have such a hot girlfriend, I have always been quite proud of it, I've essentially rubbed it in his face at times that I get to do this and that with her. Now that would be completely flipped on its head if he were to be fucking her and able to satisfy her knowing full well that I can't and that I get more pleasure from watching him do all those things I bragged about in the past than I get from anything I can do with her.

That is how much my ego needs to deflate and you're right, it's too fast.

It took me months to accept that this fantasy turns me on as a fantasy. I was probably in denial about not being able to sexually satisfy women but the reality hit hard and fast the other day, I'm not sure there was a slower way of realising that, it just happened.

Okay, I understand.
Actually, I think you need time not to experiment with cuckolding, but to accept your psychological transformation.

You seem to see the fact that you can't satisfy your girlfriend as a problem, but I'm not sure that's really your problem.

first of all, you seem excited about your girlfriend getting fucked by a better cock, but for that to be possible, you have to be not good enough for her... So, there's at least a part of you that likes it.
Then you seem to be saying that you've never managed to be dominant with your girlfriend, and that now she's even starting to be dominant towards you in your relationship: this seems to mean that you have, in your intimate sphere, a rather submissive mindset.

So if you have a submissive mindset, and it also turns you on, I'm not sure that the fact that you can't fully satisfy your girlfriend is a problem. The problem seems more like not being able to accept that these things turn you on, and that you want them... no ?

It also seems to me that you're afraid of losing your virility...
But I wonder if being virile is just being able to perform physical feats?
If you embrace your sexual fantasies without feeling inferior in real life, isn't that virility? Isn't it manly to accept yourself as you are? It takes inner strength to be able to accept yourself...

To trust someone (your partner), doesn't it also require strength? It's always easier to be suspicious of others, to be afraid in relationships, to protect yourself from others...
But to dare to trust someone, doesn't it require inner strength? Doesn't it require strength to dare to trust and take the risk of being betrayed?
We're all afraid of being betrayed, abandoned, judged... so to be able to trust, you have to be strong, not be afraid of all these things, have the courage to face uncertainty, the unknown!
And all these forms of courage, aren't they virility?

Is virility primarily physical strength or inner strength? Ask yourself the question!

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

Fourteen pages before jumping into the discussion. That’s a lot of reading. Sorry I’m late!

Like you, anon…, my introduction to all of this was rather similar. Having watched my buddy fuck his beautiful wife in tandem to ourselves…..watching my wife fixate her stare at my friend’s cock entering (and retreating from) his own wife’s pussy, the fantasies began. I wondered how much better she would have enjoyed his superior-looking cock than my fairly normal one. I imagined her bouncing to her heart’s content on that thing, giving me a glazed-eye smile and pulling me in to kiss her so she could thank me for giving her such a wonderful gift to enjoy with no guilt.

It took nearly exactly (to the month) 10 years for her to finally “take the plunge.”

There have been times when I wring my hands, thinking, “What the fuck have we done to ourselves?”

But she has ALWAYS told me that we are each others’ primary relationship, and that I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

She’s always been right, of course.

We’ve had good fun over the years.

She has enjoyed some better cock than I would have been able to give her. She’s grateful, now that she looks back on our journey. She has cucked me…..because she knew that it was important for me…….showing me herself enjoying a more talented cock and delighting in watching me jerk off while she moaned and came on his dick. But she also understood that HIS consummation was also just as important to me, so she had me watch up close while he stiffened his jaw, held his breath, and shot his cum deep into her…only to later roll away from him so I could see the evidence of his deposit inside of her…dripping from her. (Mind blown!)

It was, as you might imagine, unbelievably mind-blowing for both of us.

But we KNEW we weren’t ready to go “total slut” with her, picking up strangers and heading to a by-the-hour hotel. Slow, please. MUCH SLOWER, please.

So, what was supposed to be a “fling” turned into a boyfriend.

She had “permission” to explore herself with no guilt. (The “permission” was always hers, but society often tells us it’s not.)

We’ve explored parts of ourselves…our marriage…that I never would have thought possible.

And as you know from other threads where we have interacted, we’re STILL going very slow after 18+ years. She’s only now on her SECOND boyfriend, having finally shelved the first.

So my advice is that you can (and should) make your journey what YOU (both of you) want it to be. Fast? Slow? Many? A single boyfriend? Friends? Coworkers? Family members?

You decide.

But do so WITH her.

Maria and I may be “slow-goers” compared to so many others here, on OHW. (She’s only on her second boyfriend.) But it’s what’s right for us.

Still, I’ve been elated that she has helped me realize my fantasy (now a reality) to be cucked….completely and fully. It was a beautiful thing, and I shall die a happier man for it someday. And for her part, she has had the fun of having a man who is FAR better talented than me hit all her right spots…give her orgasms that I likely would never have been able to give her.

She’s quite literally “enjoying the fuck out of herself,” discovering how fun sex can be, and not feeling guilty about discovering herself.

Despite the hand-wringing, I don’t think we’d ever want to go back to “vanilla” now that we’ve tasted something so sweet and addictive.

I hope you and Mrs. Anon… enjoy your journey. I’m here to offer encouragement and help, brother.

[Watchinu69]

Maybe you should start your own thread to get your message out .....

[Wantsomefunto]

Hopefully Anon’s big dick friend comes over this weekend

[anondesires]

So yesterday night, we went on a dinner date, she got dressed up in a short, tight, sexy dress with lingerie underneath, you couldn't see it but knowing it was there was sexy. She doesn't see it as much as I do but nearly every guy was trying to sneak a look at her (more so than usual). We talked about normal things, it felt like we had to in case anyone could hear us. Sometimes the conversation might start to head in a sexual direction and we would smile at each other and know that we had to cut it off there.

When we got home we chatted some more on the sofa. She was teasing me with upskirt angles and getting on top, straddling me as I sat. Kissing seemed to be the limit, any more and she would steer me away, she wanted to talk about all the things we'd had to avoid earlier.

One of the subjects was about what I had said the day before, about not wanting it but not stopping her either. We were discussing how she could be sure that she wasn't going too far. I said the concept of the safe word had entered my mind every day since that time I forgot it was an option (the pegging). I've not used the safe word but I felt like from the regret of not using the safe word that time, I had since learned my lesson and the concept was in my head now. She agreed to respect the safe word at all times. Then there was the subject of her knowing how far she was pushing me. She liked how I'd pleaded with her a few times in the past few weeks (against pegging and dildo sucking in particular), she said it was hot and fun for her. We agreed that the level of pleading would indicate how close to the limit I was but no amount of pleading meant stop, that was what the safe word was for. She looked at me in a mischievous way and said she was looking forward to having me plead but then doing it anyway. I think we both got turned on by the concept.

There was also the subject of her sexual frustration and who was going to relieve her of that. She was reluctant to tell me but felt that she had to be honest with me that she felt that she needed something regular. My heart sank when she told me, the evening had almost made me forget about my depression of the last couple of days and the pain was still quite raw. She told me that the guy that fucked her before didn't seem interested enough to be regular, he had fucked her enough times before, when she was new, forbidden and interesting to him and she wasn't those things anymore. She didn't want to get into the habit of fucking guys from work or guys that knew people she worked with, so her Friday night ventures couldn't be her main source of satisfaction. We considered finding someone online, it's an option but she's not had good experiences with people she's met on apps. She was worried about the amount of time that would be wasted trying to find someone. My friend came up as an option a couple of times but was dismissed as being too close to us, too intense and potentially a lot of fallout. Each time we circled back to him, she seemed more determined that he was the best option.

She pointed out that he was the hottest scenario for me, which I couldn't deny. She pointed out that he had demonstrated that he didn't want to do anything behind my back. She pointed out that even more important to him than doing something behind my back was anyone finding out about his foot fetish. She said those priorities of his made him perfect. Until now, I thought she meant fucking him with him thinking they were cheating on me but she meant coming clean with him. I made it clear there was no way that was going to happen. She pointed out that that sounded like pleading and that I hadn't used the safe word. I thought about it, the safe word seemed like an "in case of emergency" type thing, not something to throw around every time things got a little intense. I think that's why I had disregarded it the time she threatened to peg me, it was like I decided that she wouldn't dare to do anything that extreme and so the safe word was like some kind of boring "health & safety" concept. It felt like being prepared to evacuate an office block when there's a risk I might char my toast.

I didn't use the safe word, I chose to reason with her instead. She stopped me, straddled me, started rubbing herself against me and pointed out that I hadn't used the safe word and me pleading was turning her on. We made out, she would interrupt by dirty talking into my ear about how I wasn't ruling it out, telling me how she might fuck him, how I would watch. It felt like all those times he had said similar things to me about her. I was used to the idle/joke threats, it felt strange to realise that she might mean it. She told me she needed to cum and she knew I definitely wasn't going to last this time. She told me to lay on the floor while she took off her dress and underwear and then straddled my face. I didn't need telling to lick but she told me to anyway. She told me to imagine this might be how it would be if she had just fucked him and he had gone home, me licking my friend's cum from her pussy. She said she assumed that she wouldn't want him to see me do that (as a question) but smothered me so I couldn't answer. She said other things along those lines, turning us both on in the process. She came but insisted I keep going, she was still horny. After she came again, she lowered herself onto my dick slowly, I squirmed a bit. She deliberately condescendingly told me it was ok, that she knew I was excited and she'd go slow. She slowly thrusted against me while we made out. She wasn't dirty talking anymore but insisting we make love, it was a nice moment and I eventually shot my load inside her as she made encouraging moans and we cuddled.

It was an intense and erotic session but I couldn't help feeling a little cucked and denied. I had spent the whole night we were out desperate to get her home, strip her out of what she was wearing and fuck her. Instead she had resisted my advances and jumped straight to being naked and emulating a creampie cleanup and reclaiming. I'm back to this conflicting feeling of wondering if I actually wanted to strip her and fuck her or accepting that what happened was actually much more erotic, interesting and fun.

There were developments today too, I'll explain those when I regain the motivation to write (I hate writing and dragging up all these thoughts and feelings for everyone to read but I appreciate the experienced advice (and debate) that I get in return)

[joel68]

It looks like she is going to have your friend fuck her. As horny as she is and he need for a big cock it likely will be soon too.

Do you agree?

[Rogueuser1]

Wow - a great update, love the way your pleading turns her on but also that she has given you a safe word too just in case. What a wonderful girl!

[wannabecUKold]

Wow what an amazing evening.

It was an intense and erotic session but I couldn't help feeling a little cucked and denied. I had spent the whole night we were out desperate to get her home, strip her out of what she was wearing and fuck her. Instead she had resisted my advances and jumped straight to being naked and emulating a creampie cleanup and reclaiming. I'm back to this conflicting feeling of wondering if I actually wanted to strip her and fuck her or accepting that what happened was actually much more erotic, interesting and fun.

I think you know the answer to that last question, don't you?

And you know where this has to go, where you deeply want it to go.

Edit:

I think Anon must initiate this himself with the best friend (ofc I'd expect that his gf will give the best friend the heads up in advance).
I would suggest that he says he lost a truth or dare / gamble. The choice was either (gf wins) he let his gf fuck whichever guy she wants in front of him or (anon wins) she agreed to have full-on sex with a girl in front of him.

Ofc he lost with the weighted dice. So it was obvious who Anon would ask. And his gf says that she know a secret about best friend, which should keep him from blabbing. And no time for thinking; it has to happen right away before anon uses the safe word.

[elina]

So yesterday night, we went on a dinner date, she got dressed up in a short, tight, sexy dress with lingerie underneath, you couldn't see it but knowing it was there was sexy. She doesn't see it as much as I do but nearly every guy was trying to sneak a look at her (more so than usual). We talked about normal things, it felt like we had to in case anyone could hear us. Sometimes the conversation might start to head in a sexual direction and we would smile at each other and know that we had to cut it off there.

Very good to see that, it is so important that your Girlfriend has a male that She is happy to be seen with in restaurants, in concert halls, whatever the two of you like to do together. So wonderful that She dressed Herself up.

When we got home we chatted some more on the sofa. She was teasing me with upskirt angles and getting on top, straddling me as I sat. Kissing seemed to be the limit, any more and she would steer me away, she wanted to talk about all the things we'd had to avoid earlier.

One of the subjects was about what I had said the day before, about not wanting it but not stopping her either. We were discussing how she could be sure that she wasn't going too far. I said the concept of the safe word had entered my mind every day since that time I forgot it was an option (the pegging). I've not used the safe word but I felt like from the regret of not using the safe word that time, I had since learned my lesson and the concept was in my head now. She agreed to respect the safe word at all times. Then there was the subject of her knowing how far she was pushing me. She liked how I'd pleaded with her a few times in the past few weeks (against pegging and dildo sucking in particular), she said it was hot and fun for her. We agreed that the level of pleading would indicate how close to the limit I was but no amount of pleading meant stop, that was what the safe word was for. She looked at me in a mischievous way and said she was looking forward to having me plead but then doing it anyway. I think we both got turned on by the concept.

Safewords are truly great. Not just because you can stop this if it goes to far. But even more important, because Your Girlfriend can feel confident that She can continue to push your limits and that ultimately you can accept what She is doing to you.

There was also the subject of her sexual frustration and who was going to relieve her of that. She was reluctant to tell me but felt that she had to be honest with me that she felt that she needed something regular. My heart sank when she told me, the evening had almost made me forget about my depression of the last couple of days and the pain was still quite raw. She told me that the guy that fucked her before didn't seem interested enough to be regular, he had fucked her enough times before, when she was new, forbidden and interesting to him and she wasn't those things anymore. She didn't want to get into the habit of fucking guys from work or guys that knew people she worked with, so her Friday night ventures couldn't be her main source of satisfaction. We considered finding someone online, it's an option but she's not had good experiences with people she's met on apps. She was worried about the amount of time that would be wasted trying to find someone. My friend came up as an option a couple of times but was dismissed as being too close to us, too intense and potentially a lot of fallout. Each time we circled back to him, she seemed more determined that he was the best option.

She pointed out that he was the hottest scenario for me, which I couldn't deny. She pointed out that he had demonstrated that he didn't want to do anything behind my back. She pointed out that even more important to him than doing something behind my back was anyone finding out about his foot fetish. She said those priorities of his made him perfect. Until now, I thought she meant fucking him with him thinking they were cheating on me but she meant coming clean with him. I made it clear there was no way that was going to happen. She pointed out that that sounded like pleading and that I hadn't used the safe word. I thought about it, the safe word seemed like an "in case of emergency" type thing, not something to throw around every time things got a little intense. I think that's why I had disregarded it the time she threatened to peg me, it was like I decided that she wouldn't dare to do anything that extreme and so the safe word was like some kind of boring "health & safety" concept. It felt like being prepared to evacuate an office block when there's a risk I might char my toast.

I didn't use the safe word, I chose to reason with her instead. She stopped me, straddled me, started rubbing herself against me and pointed out that I hadn't used the safe word and me pleading was turning her on. We made out, she would interrupt by dirty talking into my ear about how I wasn't ruling it out, telling me how she might fuck him, how I would watch. It felt like all those times he had said similar things to me about her. I was used to the idle/joke threats, it felt strange to realise that she might mean it. She told me she needed to cum and she knew I definitely wasn't going to last this time. She told me to lay on the floor while she took off her dress and underwear and then straddled my face. I didn't need telling to lick but she told me to anyway. She told me to imagine this might be how it would be if she had just fucked him and he had gone home, me licking my friend's cum from her pussy. She said she assumed that she wouldn't want him to see me do that (as a question) but smothered me so I couldn't answer. She said other things along those lines, turning us both on in the process. She came but insisted I keep going, she was still horny. After she came again, she lowered herself onto my dick slowly, I squirmed a bit. She deliberately condescendingly told me it was ok, that she knew I was excited and she'd go slow. She slowly thrusted against me while we made out. She wasn't dirty talking anymore but insisting we make love, it was a nice moment and I eventually shot my load inside her as she made encouraging moans and we cuddled.

Remember how we discussed the process whereby a Lady tends to become more dominant when Her partner becomes more submissive. Isn't this just what is happening here? And I am sure you have allready reflected upon how much you loved Her taking charge like this. We submissives want to please our Wives and girlfriends, don't we? You allowed your Lady to use you, straddling your face making you lick Her untill She is as satisfied as She can get from that, then in return She allows you to make love to Her, still with Her on top that is.

And this comes after She has mentally pushed your borders. It should be very clear by now that She needs to fuck your friend with the foot-fetish to get satisfied. Don't you want Her to be able to experience that? And not only that, She does not want to lie or play around letting him think She is cheating on you. This wonderful Lady is not shy about what She wants, and if you ask me, it is pretty clear by now that She can twitch both you and your friend around Her little fingers. Aren't you incredibly lucky to have found this one-in-a-million babe?

You still struggle with experiencing this in real life. But what if you look at it from another perspective. Lets go back to your statement some time ago that you felt being a cuckold was much worse than having a foot-fetish. And I think you still believe that. But to me, a cuckold is a man who loves his Girl so much that he does not want to stand in Her way when She needs a stud with a big cock and better stamina than what the cuckold can muster. In stead he learns to accept the immense hotness, mixed with intense jealousy and fear that arises in him as he watches his beloved Lady get satisfied from Her bull. To me, allowing yourself to be cuckolded because that is what your Girlfriend needs is an act of love and devotion. You are so incredibly lucky that the Lady will love you for that. When the first session is over, She will take care of you, thank you for allowing Her the pleasure, and take care of your emotions and sexual needs. Also allowing you to clean Her pussy as a sign that you love Her exactly the way She is and wants to do everything to make Her feel good about Herself.

Having a footfeetish is just something slightly weird, I don't see how anybody can be admired for that. Allthough to me, there is nothing wrong or a need to feel embarassed. It doesn't hurt anybody and is just the way it is, so what?

Now imagine yourself at a swingers party. Not just you, but lots of others are watching as your Girlfriend has passionate sex with your friend, then makes you clean Her up. After this She stands by your side and declares, for all to hear, that She loves you and admire your courage and strenght to accept your place and that She will allwasy be your girlfriend and love you for what you are. Meanwhile your friend with the foot-fetish is just a tool to be used for Her pleasure. For a while that is, untill they tire of each other. Just like She and Her X that you witnessed fucking Her is now a past chapter and he has no place in Her life anymore. He will for sure fuck other girls, but may end up being considered by all of those girls as someone who is a good fuck but also as someone it is impossible to have a longterm relationship with. Personally, I would much rather be in cuckold's shoes than the bull's shoes. But that is just me. Or maybe if you think about it, yes it will be nerve wrecking to get to that point. But is this more nerve wracking than the part of your journey that you have already completed?

It was an intense and erotic session but I couldn't help feeling a little cucked and denied. I had spent the whole night we were out desperate to get her home, strip her out of what she was wearing and fuck her. Instead she had resisted my advances and jumped straight to being naked and emulating a creampie cleanup and reclaiming. I'm back to this conflicting feeling of wondering if I actually wanted to strip her and fuck her or accepting that what happened was actually much more erotic, interesting and fun.

There were developments today too, I'll explain those when I regain the motivation to write (I hate writing and dragging up all these thoughts and feelings for everyone to read but I appreciate the experienced advice (and debate) that I get in return)

Really great that you did not use your safe-word to stop Your Wonderwoman Girlfriend when She explained to you that She has concluded that your friend is the right Bull for Her, and you, now. You can also look at this as a friend who is helping you ensure that your beloved Girlfriend can also satisfy some of Her sexual cravings that you are not able to fulfill yourself, then She can continue to be your very Happy Girlfriend. Think of it; isn't that what a good friend should do?

Thanks for continuing sharing your journey.

I am looking forward to reading about your subsequent discussions.

Sincerely
elina

[octavian]

I am a former wannabe and now at my relatively late stage of life, recognise that I am a never will be. Nevertheless, it seems to me that Elina makes a great deal of sense.

[KevKevKev]

I'm really glad this whole thing is working out. It would have been a shame for a natural cuck to break up with a natural cuckoldress. I think you two are going to have a lot of fun with this.

What is she planning for the friend? Is she going to seduce him or are you going to be out in the open with your intentions? I really hope she does something with her feet that would drive him wild. Does he like anklets and toe rings? Heels or sandals? I do know one thing. Next time your friend comes over your girlfriend will have sore feet and need him to massage them

[sucker00]

Anon,

Here's an idea that may help you guys ease into this, if your GF is intent on this happening. Consider maybe a repeat of your date night but with your friend included this time. It can be more casual than a fancy restaurant, the idea is to place the three of you outside of your typical environment which sounds like is your place that you share with your GF. To make things interesting, maybe your GF wears something on the sexy side that would show off her legs and your friend's favorite attribute, her feet. Maybe she even wears a saucy pair of sandals that might get your friend's attention. Have fun and keep things casual and see where things might lead from there. I think this would be a lot easier than there being a blatant conversation along the lines of "my girlfriend wants you to bang her with your big dick".

[anondesires]

You know the statement; "Everything has changed, at the same time nothing has changed".

I didn't, but that is quite accurate sometimes. Sometimes I'm able to forget about the changes we're going through because we just do things that are familiar feeling. It's nice to forget about it and go back to "ignorance is bliss".

But at the same time doesn't it actually feel good now that you have arrived at this stage to have completed this part of your journey? If it had dragged out, maybe that would just have prolonged the pain and the agonizing? I am trying to ask you if you now start to see it this way, I am not telling you this is the way you should think; my thoughts for you to reflect on.

It doesn't "feel good". I wake up each day and enjoy the moments before I remember my current reality. Then my horny brain wakes up and finds some way of turning me on about it. It is however starting to feel like I've gone through most of the pain of accepting cuck status without getting the benefits of it yet.

And then off course, we are all on our journeys through life. Yours is not finished. So has the time now come for you to discuss with your Wonderful Girlfriend how you can help Her satisfy Her urges....? How you can help Her feel good about the things that I think both of you now knows needs to happen next?

Those conversations coincidently started Friday night and have continued since.

[mrs_hotwifecplsa]

The thing I found for me, as a wife craving to be submissive and not in control, if I actually have control in that I can stop the action at any time, it completely loses the turn on. If you want to be submissive to your wife and her lovers, you got to just let it flow wherever it leads. I know that's not everyone's cup of tea, but it's what I needed to make it work.

[anondesires]

The problem seems more like not being able to accept that these things turn you on, and that you want them... no ?

It seems to be something I'm completely torn about. Accepting they turn me on has mostly happened. Accepting I want them is different. Accepting that things have happened or are happening seems to be easier than accepting I want them.

It also seems to me that you're afraid of losing your virility...
But I wonder if being virile is just being able to perform physical feats?
If you embrace your sexual fantasies without feeling inferior in real life, isn't that virility? Isn't it manly to accept yourself as you are? It takes inner strength to be able to accept yourself...

To trust someone (your partner), doesn't it also require strength? It's always easier to be suspicious of others, to be afraid in relationships, to protect yourself from others...
But to dare to trust someone, doesn't it require inner strength? Doesn't it require strength to dare to trust and take the risk of being betrayed?
We're all afraid of being betrayed, abandoned, judged... so to be able to trust, you have to be strong, not be afraid of all these things, have the courage to face uncertainty, the unknown!
And all these forms of courage, aren't they virility?

Is virility primarily physical strength or inner strength? Ask yourself the question!

I think I understand what you're getting at but I'm not sure it helps if I look at it that way.

[anondesires]

Fourteen pages before jumping into the discussion. That’s a lot of reading. Sorry I’m late!

I'm sorry you fell into the trap of reading it all. It wasn't worth it but you probably feel invested now

Like you, anon…, my introduction to all of this was rather similar. Having watched my buddy fuck his beautiful wife in tandem to ourselves…..watching my wife fixate her stare at my friend’s cock entering (and retreating from) his own wife’s pussy, the fantasies began.

I have actually already read your story about that, or a version of it that I think you replied to someone else with.

There have been times when I wring my hands, thinking, “What the fuck have we done to ourselves?”

I'm glad it's not just me.

So my advice is that you can (and should) make your journey what YOU (both of you) want it to be. Fast? Slow? Many? A single boyfriend? Friends? Coworkers? Family members?

The problem is I don't feel like I "want" it, it just turns me on more than anything else. So asking what I want to happen is a difficult question.

If I remember your story correctly, you agreed to a swap with your friend the next day but it fell through and didn't happen? Like me, I assume you were fixated on him being her lover as your hottest new fantasy? How did you come to terms with wanting that and proposing it to him? Or was the same room sex enough to break the ice and that made it easier?

Despite the hand-wringing, I don’t think we’d ever want to go back to “vanilla” now that we’ve tasted something so sweet and addictive.

You never while you're thinking “What the fuck have we done to ourselves?” consider that you'd like to go back to how it was before? Or at least relive how it was before? What does "before" feel like to you now when you remember it?

I hope you and Mrs. Anon… enjoy your journey. I’m here to offer encouragement and help, brother.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

[anondesires]

I think Anon must initiate this himself with the best friend (ofc I'd expect that his gf will give the best friend the heads up in advance).
I would suggest that he says he lost a truth or dare / gamble. The choice was either (gf wins) he let his gf fuck whichever guy she wants in front of him or (anon wins) she agreed to have full-on sex with a girl in front of him.

Ofc he lost with the weighted dice. So it was obvious who Anon would ask. And his gf says that she know a secret about best friend, which should keep him from blabbing. And no time for thinking; it has to happen right away before anon uses the safe word.

It's a hot idea but it would either be a lie or a set up. The truth would hit harder and as much as I really don't want it to happen, I think it would be best that way.