The risk a cuck takes

[coastalkid]

I'm not on this forum or posting on this thread because I want to bash the lifestyle. I'm here because I am truly interested in being a part of it. And after a whole lot of reading here and on other sites I've learned I want to do just like all of you and that is in my own unique and different style! I'm not just here to masturbate. Believe me, there are some threads that I've read I absolutely have no desire to experience. They have no attraction to me, much less wanting to masturbate to!

Some people will say, "Well, you're just not cuck material! You'll never understand!" I instantly ask myself, then what is "cuck material"? Whose definition do I use? What acts must I commit to? Will purists say, "You're talking about a Wittol, or a Stag and Vixen, not a cuckold arrangement." All of those arrangements involve extra-marital sex of some sort and along with them inherent risks.

Reading first hand accounts of the mistakes and solutions would be comforting and welcome. If I ever do get to participate in the lifestyle in some form I'd want it to enhance my sex life not stress it out. I'm really here to learn even though by now I should have a doctorate with as much as I've read!

[weluvtoodoit]

Do you think it would be helpful to others if they knew about the mistakes made along the way, or do you think each relationship is so distinct that the knowledge would be insignificant?

I felt insecure and had trust issues after my wife telling me she had been having a secret affair with my lifelong friend. Now after many years of reflection and happily married for 52 years, I realize she did not want to replace me, but rather wanted to enhance her experiences with other men. It has been said so many times on here that communication is the most powerful tool you can use. That is easy to say and yet it is very hard at times to do. Once that hurdle is jumped over, things just become easier. I was slow to pick up on things she was telling me of what she wanted. For years we had sex at least once and some days more, but I fell short in the romance part. She was looking for more foreplay and kissing that would lead to sex. My friend gave her all that and more. Years later she told me he was the first man to give her an orgasm from penetration. It hurt to hear this at the time, but I am not happy that he could do that for her. After a few years she did have an ongoing thing with another friend for a while. Both these men still have a place in her heart even though there is no sex between them. Two other men she has been with were just men she met, but nothing more than good sex and they were only a one time thing.

[trecital]

Years later she told me he was the first man to give her an orgasm from penetration. It hurt to hear this at the time, but I am not happy that he could do that for her.

There is much in your post that I can relate to.

However, I have highlighted a bit in the above quote that I'm unclear about.
You said that you were NOT happy that he could do that for her.
Are you sure that you meant "not happy"?
Could you clarify that that is definitely what you meant?

I would have thought that if you couldn't make her orgasm, then you'd be happy that she'd got to experience that pleasure. Ok, I can understand if you were disappointed that you couldn't manage it.

[weluvtoodoit]

Yes, my bad for not proof reading before hitting submit. It makes me very happy that he was able to give that to her. Thanks for pointing this out so I could clarify my post!

[Dream Weaver]

This poll is super interesting. 85 % of hotwife-cuckold are still married according to this poll. Its very high, compared to USA where 50 % divorce (same in other western countries). Seems that the risk for divorce is much lower for hotwifes and cuckold!

First of all, that 50% figure that gets thrown around all the time is based on a non scientific poll done about 45 years ago. According to most studies done in the past 20 years, about 70% of first marriages are still intact. The difference is due to subsequent marriages ending in divorce at a much higher rate which skews the results.

If anyone wants to believe that cuckold marriages are more stable and longer lasting (or even the same) that’s your prerogative. God forbid you should actually dig into the data to find anything that might conflict with what you want to believe.

Furthermore, if you have been around this forum for any length of time, you will have seen many couples who were very active posters just vanish without a goodbye, so they’re no longer around to vote in this poll that their marriage imploded.

Yeah, some people really like to get married multiple times.

I myself and sort of torn about the "poll". On the one hand, it happened to me, I loved it, despite all the stress. But my wife couldn't handle it. Now she won't touch the idea with a 10 foot pole, not even bedroom talk, and things are a lot less fun. But the marriage is otherwise great. So sexually sort of a disaster, but it's hard to quantify. Went from party girl who kissed another girl, had a few "crushes" and finally made it happen to... dull in bed who gets angry with any role play of any kind. And the cuckolding was definitely the catalyst, she's made that more than clear. Married over 25 years.

[veub]

This poll is super interesting. 85 % of hotwife-cuckold are still married according to this poll. Its very high, compared to USA where 50 % divorce (same in other western countries). Seems that the risk for divorce is much lower for hotwifes and cuckold!

First of all, that 50% figure that gets thrown around all the time is based on a non scientific poll done about 45 years ago. According to most studies done in the past 20 years, about 70% of first marriages are still intact. The difference is due to subsequent marriages ending in divorce at a much higher rate which skews the results.

If anyone wants to believe that cuckold marriages are more stable and longer lasting (or even the same) that’s your prerogative. God forbid you should actually dig into the data to find anything that might conflict with what you want to believe.

Furthermore, if you have been around this forum for any length of time, you will have seen many couples who were very active posters just vanish without a goodbye, so they’re no longer around to vote in this poll that their marriage imploded.

As I posted earlier: the fact that ONLY 85% of the people who are still actively enthused about cuckolding succeed in keeping their marriage is not a great number. It's like going to a bar and asking how many people like to drink alcohol.

[coastalkid]

Yeah, some people really like to get married multiple times.

I myself and sort of torn about the "poll". On the one hand, it happened to me, I loved it, despite all the stress. But my wife couldn't handle it. Now she won't touch the idea with a 10 foot pole, not even bedroom talk, and things are a lot less fun. But the marriage is otherwise great. So sexually sort of a disaster, but it's hard to quantify. Went from party girl who kissed another girl, had a few "crushes" and finally made it happen to... dull in bed who gets angry with any role play of any kind. And the cuckolding was definitely the catalyst, she's made that more than clear. Married over 25 years.

Thanks for your response. If you could turn back the clock and you knew beforehand it would turn out like it has for you would you still do it again? It's easy to imagine why you loved it at the time. Can you say anything about your stress from the experience and your wife's reasons for not being able to handle it?

[Dream Weaver]

Yeah, some people really like to get married multiple times.

I myself and sort of torn about the "poll". On the one hand, it happened to me, I loved it, despite all the stress. But my wife couldn't handle it. Now she won't touch the idea with a 10 foot pole, not even bedroom talk, and things are a lot less fun. But the marriage is otherwise great. So sexually sort of a disaster, but it's hard to quantify. Went from party girl who kissed another girl, had a few "crushes" and finally made it happen to... dull in bed who gets angry with any role play of any kind. And the cuckolding was definitely the catalyst, she's made that more than clear. Married over 25 years.

Thanks for your response. If you could turn back the clock and you knew beforehand it would turn out like it has for you would you still do it again? It's easy to imagine why you loved it at the time. Can you say anything about your stress from the experience and your wife's reasons for not being able to handle it?

Hard to say. To use a metaphor, the whole situation for me was and is a bit like being in a funhouse mirror maze. The whole situation was 12 years in the making at the time it happened. Very complex. I know that's not a satisfactory answer, perhaps, but it's the truth. Would I have done anything different? Sure, but I was getting cuckolded, I wanted that, and I'm not sure I could have changed that fundamental fact.

[coastalkid]

Yeah, some people really like to get married multiple times.

I myself and sort of torn about the "poll". On the one hand, it happened to me, I loved it, despite all the stress. But my wife couldn't handle it. Now she won't touch the idea with a 10 foot pole, not even bedroom talk, and things are a lot less fun. But the marriage is otherwise great. So sexually sort of a disaster, but it's hard to quantify. Went from party girl who kissed another girl, had a few "crushes" and finally made it happen to... dull in bed who gets angry with any role play of any kind. And the cuckolding was definitely the catalyst, she's made that more than clear. Married over 25 years.

Thanks for your response. If you could turn back the clock and you knew beforehand it would turn out like it has for you would you still do it again? It's easy to imagine why you loved it at the time. Can you say anything about your stress from the experience and your wife's reasons for not being able to handle it?

Hard to say. To use a metaphor, the whole situation for me was and is a bit like being in a funhouse mirror maze. The whole situation was 12 years in the making at the time it happened. Very complex. I know that's not a satisfactory answer, perhaps, but it's the truth. Would I have done anything different? Sure, but I was getting cuckolded, I wanted that, and I'm not sure I could have changed that fundamental fact.

I have no doubt it's not easy to explain. I appreciate your attempt to answer as best as you can. Your wife seems to have some very strong feelings about the overall experience that she still carries with her. That has to be hard to live with. I'm glad you're still together. Hopefully things don't stay dull for you both.

[Pillow_Talk]

My advice: make sure to meet the bull before you take the plunge. You don't have to tell him, but it helps a great deal if he doesn't see you as an anonymous a-hole whose marriage he might as well destroy. Of course if you DO tell him (maybe when he tells her, or you, that he feels guilty about having sex with her), that's even better, it removes the secrecy for everyone and you'll be sure to be part of the game. If you don't tell him (leaving him to think she's cheating), then don't count on your wife to be upfront with you just because you consent to her having sex with him. Mark my words.

[coastalkid]

My advice: make sure to meet the bull before you take the plunge. You don't have to tell him, but it helps a great deal if he doesn't see you as an anonymous a-hole whose marriage he might as well destroy. Of course if you DO tell him (maybe when he tells her, or you, that he feels guilty about having sex with her), that's even better, it removes the secrecy for everyone and you'll be sure to be part of the game. If you don't tell him (leaving him to think she's cheating), then don't count on your wife to be upfront with you just because you consent to her having sex with him. Mark my words.

It sounds like you went the way of NOT meeting the bull and it didn't go as well as you would have liked. When people say, "Mark my words" it usually is a warning. It sounds like your wife wasn't "upfront" with you.

[Pillow_Talk]

My advice: make sure to meet the bull before you take the plunge. You don't have to tell him, but it helps a great deal if he doesn't see you as an anonymous a-hole whose marriage he might as well destroy. Of course if you DO tell him (maybe when he tells her, or you, that he feels guilty about having sex with her), that's even better, it removes the secrecy for everyone and you'll be sure to be part of the game. If you don't tell him (leaving him to think she's cheating), then don't count on your wife to be upfront with you just because you consent to her having sex with him. Mark my words.

It sounds like you went the way of NOT meeting the bull and it didn't go as well as you would have liked. When people say, "Mark my words" it usually is a warning. It sounds like your wife wasn't "upfront" with you.

You guesses it right. I won't detail the whole story, but yeah, she wasn't upfront and things went awry. Still married, but with unresolved issues.