Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[whosbeensleeping]

Hallelujah. Good going!

[drstrangelove]

Hallelujah. Good going!

It’s such a fascinating journey. I was genuinely so happy when she decided to reach out to F to reschedule for Saturday morning. I had worried I blew my chance at this. So when it was back on, I felt so content and at peace with moving forward.

My family all went to bed early and I stayed up playing a video game and watching a movie. Gradually, curiosity began to creep in. I wondered what the text exchange between them entailed—she showed me a quick section about the time change, but I began to wonder what I might be missing.

So I gave in to the desire and snooped on her Insta account to read the PM exchange. It was nothing special; some light flirting from my wife and the time change on Saturday.

The result though was dread—a deep feeling of jealousy that I’ve been dealing with all week for seemingly the first time in my life.

I always used to say I had a strange relationship with jealousy as it typically turns me on instead of making me feel bad. But that’s because I tend to tap into it when I’m aroused or ready to be aroused. Now it’s constant—and filling all the quiet space with jealousy. Essentially, it doesn’t feel good if I’m not looking to jerk off.

I don’t know how to manage this—I feel like I can’t trust my own thinking as it keeps swinging wildly even though all the facts around me are the same. I don’t know how to get back to a feeling of normal and I’m terrified this could get worse after Saturday. I’m hosting/cooking a fancy five-course tasting menu for a NYE dinner party and I’m completely stressed that I’ll botch the whole thing after not sleeping and dealing with the fallout of their meeting the day before; and then further stressed about my pending trip to Italy for a week without my wife.

All of that is on me to sort through and deal with. For my wife, I suppose I’m hopeful she works in more teasing with me, so I can feel more involved. She’s putting a ton of effort into flirting with F because she’s enjoying it, so I’m hopeful she can find the fun in toying with me soon as well.

I’m also now worried about how it will go on Saturday when she returns. Our kids will be home, so we’ll need to put on a movie for them and ignore them for a bit—not an ideal time to reconnect. But I’m also wondering if she will be in a bad emotional state—that would be worse than my jealousy from her being in a good emotional state. I am struggling to see how this ends well for me right now.

And I know many of you don’t want to read downer posts like this—I know I sure wouldn’t. I’m sharing my thoughts though as a commitment to authenticity in this thread. For better or worse, this is the ride. I keep pushing forward because I want to better understand how I tick—I don’t want to avoid the pain in favor of ignorance.

So I’ll continue to lean into the flame as long as I can stand it—but I’m not doing great, emotionally/mentally.

[whosbeensleeping]

I am reminded of recent ideas around the inherent narcissism (in a good way) of female sexuality, as related by Esther Perel. You can Google the title: Men, Women, and Sexuality: More Similar Than Different.
Maybe you will draw some encouragement there.

[drstrangelove]

I am reminded of recent ideas around the inherent narcissism (in a good way) of female sexuality, as related by Esther Perel. You can Google the title: Men, Women, and Sexuality: More Similar Than Different.
Maybe you will draw some encouragement there.

Thank you for that suggestion. I read it and related to it deeply. I shared it with my wife as well as I’ll be interested in her feedback.

I started feeling a bit better last night after I wrote my update here (writing always seems to help me). It occurred to me that the arousal aspect that’s so often missing now as I fixate on what’s happening around me can also be my ticket out of feeling negative if I can lean into it.

I spent some time imagining various kink ideas we will now be able to explore and it relaxed me a bit. I also realize I was spending too much time focused on likely outcomes when so much about this dynamic is unknown.

Saturday will be a major inflection point, but it can diverge wildly and quickly in different directions from there. Maybe they fuck once, get closure and part ways; maybe they get hooked on each other and want to keep fucking like rabbits—maybe it’s anywhere in between.

What I know for sure is Saturday will be a major step in our relationship that has the potential to open up different doors I can’t even see yet. It occurs to me that once this line is crossed, my wife’s hesitation about the dynamic is likely to wane further.

She’s now 39, but her social media feed is filled with guys from college (mostly married) commenting fire emojis and “you look so hot!” on her pictures through private messages. I’m sure that’s common for most attractive women, but it occurs to me that those are all closed doors now that she may see as open soon. (It also amazes me because I could never imagine making those kinds of comments to a married woman.)

And of course, the reverse is also true; she could do this and feel bad about herself instead—maybe she’ll find a coldness to it all—showing up at his rented house at 9 a.m. just to have sex with him. I know there’s a path where this doesn’t take hold of her and she shuts it down too.

So my expectations are varied and I’m trying to focus on how I fit into whatever her new sex life will be. So at a minimum, it’s an opportunity for me to check a few cuck boxes while I can.

Rather than fears and anxieties, I’m now trying to spend my time thinking of what I can look forward to:

- Helping/watching her get ready for her date.

- Her wearing our chastity key, wondering if he will ask about it.

- Imagining what he decides to do to her while he has her all alone in his house; where will he cum?

- Waiting on a text from her when she’s back in her car and ready to come home.

- When I see her, how will she look? Will she be smiling and glowing, or nervous and regretful? How will her mindset make me feel?

- Holding her and telling her that she’s gorgeous and I love her so deeply. Feeling her grip me back; feeling the return of her love.

- Taking off her cloths and seeing her body for the first time in a new light—wondering what he touched and did to her just moments before.

- Setting my eyes on her swollen pussy and engorged clit; knowing she just had her best sexual experience in nearly two years.

- Kissing her pussy and feeling her body react to my tongue—imagining she feels totally comfortable and accepted by me in the moment.

- Hanging on every word she says as she describes in detail what she did with him.

All of those fantasies will become a reality in two days. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and enjoy the path I’m on.

[kellycuckoldsmark]

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story. It has been an incredible roller coaster for both of you with very low lows and highs. You are communicating well and while as you admit Saturday carries a lot of risk you are both going into it eyes wide open. I enjoyed your list above and would like to add some thoughts:

- the decision to see F on Saturday is not irreversible until the moment he opens the door. She can still say no to sex after that but you won't be able to. I always tell people getting married that you have to live with the decision so if you have any doubt say them. It is better to disappoint people than make a huge mistake. So if you get cold feet or she does, then maybe act on that. As y_guy calls it an Instant Cuckold Erection is a very unreliable tool to base decisions on!

- do cum before Saturday's meeting. My thought would be Friday so the downside of an orgasm doesn't force cancellation. Think about how you want to cum with her the last before she sees F and how she wants you to cum. Mentally you may want a denial orgasm with you cumming in your shorts or by your own hand but emotionally you may need to make love to her one last time. IMHO definitely don't be celibate between now and then.

- if she allows then choosing her lingerie now she doesn't have to worry about work would be hot and humiliating. You have that it on your own list.

- her locking you in the cage and then placing the key around her neck. You will need to be caged for this. From my experience it is too much going on mentally, emotionally and physically and the cage helps with one of those! Great comment on when he sees the key.

- agree in advance about communication before, during and on her way home. Do you want one final check in with her before she goes to the door. A final 'yes'; do you want to know anything during the meeting - my guess is that wouldn't work but you need to agree up front; does she leave her phone on and you only call if it is a 'kid emergency?' - a safe word for sorry but don't go further; and then do you want to know when she leaves and if so do you want any details or just that it happened and she is on her way home. This is different thankfully from the affair but I know I am screwed up before wanting to know too much to soon while she is still in the glow of great sex. Your wife will also be going through a lot of emotions.

- and finally, and you highlighted this. It is Saturday morning. I think this could be a positive in terms of you being occupied with the kids and life vs. sitting on the couch looking at your phone and waiting for it to light up but as you say, it is also going to make reconnection challenging. Have a plan A, B and C all ready to go. It will be important to be 100% supportive of your wife and regardless of how well you plan her timeline is what will matter.

Assuming everything happens my guess is you will experience more emotions from now till Sunday morning than you could ever imagine. It can be incredible but it will also be challenging to get through espeically on your own Saturday. In those moments just remember this is what you wanted - at least once - and that your marriage and your wife are #1.

Hope this helps a little.

[drstrangelove]

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story. It has been an incredible roller coaster for both of you with very low lows and highs. You are communicating well and while as you admit Saturday carries a lot of risk you are both going into it eyes wide open. I enjoyed your list above and would like to add some thoughts:

- the decision to see F on Saturday is not irreversible until the moment he opens the door. She can still say no to sex after that but you won't be able to. I always tell people getting married that you have to live with the decision so if you have any doubt say them. It is better to disappoint people than make a huge mistake. So if you get cold feet or she does, then maybe act on that. As y_guy calls it an Instant Cuckold Erection is a very unreliable tool to base decisions on!

- do cum before Saturday's meeting. My thought would be Friday so the downside of an orgasm doesn't force cancellation. Think about how you want to cum with her the last before she sees F and how she wants you to cum. Mentally you may want a denial orgasm with you cumming in your shorts or by your own hand but emotionally you may need to make love to her one last time. IMHO definitely don't be celibate between now and then.

- if she allows then choosing her lingerie now she doesn't have to worry about work would be hot and humiliating. You have that it on your own list.

- her locking you in the cage and then placing the key around her neck. You will need to be caged for this. From my experience it is too much going on mentally, emotionally and physically and the cage helps with one of those! Great comment on when he sees the key.

- agree in advance about communication before, during and on her way home. Do you want one final check in with her before she goes to the door. A final 'yes'; do you want to know anything during the meeting - my guess is that wouldn't work but you need to agree up front; does she leave her phone on and you only call if it is a 'kid emergency?' - a safe word for sorry but don't go further; and then do you want to know when she leaves and if so do you want any details or just that it happened and she is on her way home. This is different thankfully from the affair but I know I am screwed up before wanting to know too much to soon while she is still in the glow of great sex. Your wife will also be going through a lot of emotions.

- and finally, and you highlighted this. It is Saturday morning. I think this could be a positive in terms of you being occupied with the kids and life vs. sitting on the couch looking at your phone and waiting for it to light up but as you say, it is also going to make reconnection challenging. Have a plan A, B and C all ready to go. It will be important to be 100% supportive of your wife and regardless of how well you plan her timeline is what will matter.

Assuming everything happens my guess is you will experience more emotions from now till Sunday morning than you could ever imagine. It can be incredible but it will also be challenging to get through espeically on your own Saturday. In those moments just remember this is what you wanted - at least once - and that your marriage and your wife are #1.

Hope this helps a little.

Thank you so much for this post—I wish I read it earlier in the day.

When my wife woke up this morning, we chatted briefly, and I told her about my desire to perhaps not cum before Saturday. I even suggested using the cage a bit beforehand perhaps as it could help. We discussed what she might say if he asks about key—I suggested she just tell him she began to have fears last year that I might cheat as retaliation, so she asked for it and it stuck. She seemed ok with it, but said she’ll give it more thought.

Then I asked if she wanted me to give her an orgasm (she’s got a cold and I know she enjoys morning orgasms and thought I’d help make her feel better).

She said she’d like to have sex, doggystyle. I asked her if she’d be ok with me having sex and not cuming, and she told me she was totally fine and that I should do what will make me feel better about everything. But for her, she really wanted penetration in that moment.

So we went at it—and I wish I had a greenlight to share photos because her ass to waist ratio is a thing dreams are made of and I know you guys would love it. But in my head at the time, my hands gripping her waist and fucking her deep and hard, all I could think about is that it would be F’s view in two days.

She came hard and I slowed down and let her descent from her orgasm. I asked her to cuddle. She did and asked me if I was sure I’d be ok not cuming.

I realized I had gone too far and was too close to cuming myself to stop—I recognized I wouldn’t be able to handle blue balls for two days after a couple of minutes and let her know.

She suggested I jerk off on her stomach, so I sat up, positioned between her legs with my dick inches from her pussy and jerked off. I came in 30~ seconds or so as I was close and helped her clean up.

She was very sweet to me, but I was immediately struck by how I always make sex so complicated and confusing for her. All she keeps telling me is she just wants to be fucked and I can’t seem to give that to her. There’s always some bullshit nonsense, like today, of me overthinking it.

It made me feel bad knowing she was so excited to get the sex she wants in a marriage where she had given up on it being possible. I feel like I just confirmed it for her this morning. And she’s saying all the right things and telling me it doesn’t matter, but as long as I feel like it does, it is what it is.

Anyway, so that’s going to be my last orgasm before she comes home on Saturday. These emotional lows tend to hit after I orgasm, so I want to stop messing with my head and stay horny leading up to it.

Shifting gears to your other points…

As for choosing the clothing, she was thinking of a short dress and no panties, but as I’ve thought about it, I think I like the idea of her wearing a thong the first time. There’s fun imagery of both him peeling them off her and then me peeling them off her after she returns. But I could go either way.

I also think I’d like lingerie to be involved because it’s something she can keep and we can use to feed into the cuck kink in the future when we play alone. And as you said, this could end at any time, so planning ahead makes sense.

In terms of communication, I’m certain I want her to text me when she leaves his place and is in her car. I’ve envisioned that exchange for so long; me asking her if I’m officially a cuckold essentially. I’d love to have that written rather than just verbal for future reflection.

Beyond that, I’d love any other communication she can muster, but I’m not assuming she’ll have any alone time to send anything to me. Maybe if he goes to bathroom or something, but it’s still a risk he could see something and wonder what is going on.

Also a bit concerned about texts before. My son has basketball camp right near his house from 9-10:30 am on Saturday, so she’s using that as her out to have to leave by 10:30—he also mentioned needing to get going around then too, so it works out. However, if things are going well and they want to extend time a little, she has the cover of texting me to ask me to pick up our son in front of him (I’m going to get him regardless); and I wouldn’t want him to see previous texts between us if he sees her phone.

As for details, we agreed we will wait until she’s home, so text exchange will be brief.

Plan A is for us to tell kids we need to talk upstairs and let them watch TV. Then go up stairs and cuddle a bit and let her relax. Once she is comfortable, she’ll tell me the details of what happened.

I genuinely don’t know yet how I want the experience to go for me—I could lean into the cuck fantasy and have her jerk me off as she tells me. I’d also love to record the story so I always have it. But I also wonder if in the moment I’ll just need to fuck her and “reclaim” her—I know that’s a big thing for some guys, but it’s not something that has resonated with me. Who knows how I’ll feel in the moment though.

[mf2hd82]

I've been following along since the beginning and totally appreciate your posts and support you. I just feel like throwing my two cents in and that's probably more than it's worth.

It does seem like you are trying to perfectly script Saturday for your cuckold enjoyment. I totally get that! I would do the same thing. However I can see how this can be difficult for your wife because she wants to do it the way she wants to do it, while still trying to satisfy your desires. I can see how that would be overwhelming for her, and why she just wants to get a good fuck.

[drstrangelove]

I've been following along since the beginning and totally appreciate your posts and support you. I just feel like throwing my two cents in and that's probably more than it's worth.

It does seem like you are trying to perfectly script Saturday for your cuckold enjoyment. I totally get that! I would do the same thing. However I can see how this can be difficult for your wife because she wants to do it the way she wants to do it, while still trying to satisfy your desires. I can see how that would be overwhelming for her, and why she just wants to get a good fuck.

For sure, though I’m sharing more here than with her—it’s why I’m writing so much—I know she doesn’t want to endlessly discuss it and just live it.

It also depends on her mood—yesterday was rough as she had little sleep and just had the rough night the night before. She woke up with a pep in her step today despite her respiratory cold. She did a workout and is smiling around the house.

I know she took the naked pic yesterday and didn’t send it to him, but even money says a pic gets shared soon lol.

My point is though that I think she realizes her fun will be just walking through the door and losing herself for a morning; while my fun is everything else and she knows she has to be cognizant of that for this to work.

[drstrangelove]

Kelly’s post inspired me a bit to think about the discussion points I want to hit on before Saturday. Focus on the stuff I care about and ignore all the other things, such as what she tells F and her sister beforehand—I’m removing those from my brain to stay focused.

Let me know if this pitch makes sense:

- Level of involvement with you getting ready? Can I assist in selecting outfit; just watch; or do you prefer me not being in room?

- Communication before, during and after. My assumption is you’d prefer nothing before or during, but let me know. I’d like for you to text me briefly once you are back in your car if that’s ok.

- If you decide you’d like to stay a bit longer than 10:30 (assuming he even can), you can text me to let me know you met a friend while out and are chatting, and ask me to get [our son]. I’ll plan to get him regardless though.

- I don’t have any plans or expectations afterward other than us cuddling and you eventually telling me the details of what happened. I haven’t planned anything specific because I don’t know how I’ll feel in the moment. If you have thoughts, please let me know.

- And please don’t wash up afterward—you can always do when you’re home if we want—I just want to leave all options on table so we navigate however we’d like. Bonus points to if he cums on you instead of inside condom…

[drstrangelove]

So I was resting upstairs and my wife came up and we chatted for thirty minutes. The talk was awesome. We are both now calm about this. She feels confident that she can do it and I feel confident that I can handle it—and she was incredibly loving and supportive as we chatted. I also asked her if she was excited and she smiled and said she was, which made me hard right away.

So we covered all the topics I mentioned above.

She’d like me to be in the room while she gets ready, but would like to choose her clothing. She doesn’t want to go over-the-top as it’s not only their first meet, but it’ll also be in the morning.

She’s planing on jeans and a t-shirt with a sexy bra and thong underneath.

She was in agreement on my communication points and plans to text me before she goes in and after she gets back to her car. She also said she’s happy to send me a text during if she’s able, just asked that I don’t text back as it could blow her cover.

Our emergency break “safe word” will be if I call her. If that happens, she’ll leave his house immediately. But I have no plans to do that obviously.

She’s good with the plan to text me if she decides to stay longer. It seems unlikely, but if things are going great and they want more time, I wanted her to have the option without me getting worried that she’s not home on time.

Once she gets home, she’d like to do whatever I want—so she’s fine giving me a HJ while she tells me details or us having sex. She told me she wants me to feel reassured and loved and she’s down to do whatever I want to enjoy the moment. Her moment is going to be her time with F and that’s when her attention will be on him and not me; so once she returns, she wants me to feel I have all her attention. I love how awesome she is.

She deferred to me entirely on the cage as she doesn’t want to impose anything on me for this and wants me to be comfortable. I told her I think I’d prefer to wear cage while she’s gone so I don’t have any issues with temptation and ruin everything. She said she is good with that and will happily wear the key while she’s with him.

She is also fine not washing up; she’ll get dressed and come home and then I can decide how I want to proceed. But she’s not planning on how or where he cums.

She seems to think it’s likely she may swallow first load and then next one will be during sex, so he may or may not cum in condom. She doesn’t want to get too specific in what she plans; she just wants to enjoy the session, which I agree with completely. If it goes well, there will be other opportunities to explore different things.

And that’s it really. I think I’m now prepped and ready to go. I still have two nights to get through, so it still feels fairly far away.

And overall, I got the sense that she really learned from the mistakes of the other night. She seems thankful for giving her my consent on this and in return is invested in me enjoying it—I get the sense she recognizes that for this to continue, we both need to be happy with it and she wouldn’t want me to pull the plug because she’s mishandled anything. So it’s all good vibes right now and I have no concerns going into Sat. Feels good.

[kellycuckoldsmark]

Thx for the update. I think you are both as prepared as you can be given all the emotional unknowns. I do encourage the cage despite her leaving it up to you. It is so difficult not to give into your imagination and temptation and as you stated that can ruin everything.

Over the years you have kept this thread you have commented several times of saying things you regretted and it leading to distance between you. I don't have great advice for when she arrives home but would just encourage you to be silent if in doubt and constantly supportive even if it is against your instincts. You wont have the perfect return home given the kids so don't rush her and give her room. It may be more supportive when she returns and comforting and assurance for you and for her that you still support this. The fun, the details, the questions can come that night after the kids are in bed. And then if there are troubling things that can be Sunday when you are both a little off the high.

I think others would agree that for most cucks there are three stages that are equally intense when this moves from fantasy to reality:
1) She is going for her date and you are left wondering if you did the right thing, your stomach is churning and you have as many negatives as positives in your head. You have a very active imagination - I think she even said sex is complicated by your mental approach - so be ready for what it will conjur up on Saturday while she preps and is with him
2) Her return. Depending how the above goes this is also challenging. You have the fantasy in your head of her return. I find with first-timers that it is often harder than the date itself and that was already challenging! This is the time you see your wife return from having sex with someone else (in your case with your knowledge and approval vs before). Be ready....
3) And finally the 72 hours post the date also need prep and focus. The cuckold high her sexual high are all receding and reality is setting in. Make sure you have all the room you need to communicate. It is key to find out if this works for you. Your marriage has to come first so communicate all things before you leave so neither of you are left festering or acting in ways that aren't totally aligned.

Once again, hope not too prescriptive, and you definitely seem to be well prepared.

[drstrangelove]

Thx for the update. I think you are both as prepared as you can be given all the emotional unknowns. I do encourage the cage despite her leaving it up to you. It is so difficult not to give into your imagination and temptation and as you stated that can ruin everything.

Over the years you have kept this thread you have commented several times of saying things you regretted and it leading to distance between you. I don't have great advice for when she arrives home but would just encourage you to be silent if in doubt and constantly supportive even if it is against your instincts. You wont have the perfect return home given the kids so don't rush her and give her room. It may be more supportive when she returns and comforting and assurance for you and for her that you still support this. The fun, the details, the questions can come that night after the kids are in bed. And then if there are troubling things that can be Sunday when you are both a little off the high.

I think others would agree that for most cucks there are three stages that are equally intense when this moves from fantasy to reality:
1) She is going for her date and you are left wondering if you did the right thing, your stomach is churning and you have as many negatives as positives in your head. You have a very active imagination - I think she even said sex is complicated by your mental approach - so be ready for what it will conjur up on Saturday while she preps and is with him
2) Her return. Depending how the above goes this is also challenging. You have the fantasy in your head of her return. I find with first-timers that it is often harder than the date itself and that was already challenging! This is the time you see your wife return from having sex with someone else (in your case with your knowledge and approval vs before). Be ready....
3) And finally the 72 hours post the date also need prep and focus. The cuckold high her sexual high are all receding and reality is setting in. Make sure you have all the room you need to communicate. It is key to find out if this works for you. Your marriage has to come first so communicate all things before you leave so neither of you are left festering or acting in ways that aren't totally aligned.

Once again, hope not too prescriptive, and you definitely seem to be well prepared.

I greatly appreciate your feedback.

Truthfully, we selected the worst possible time to do this. I have to prepare for the dinner party I’m hosting on Sunday and she made plans with a mom to take kids to movies on Saturday night, so I’ll be alone in the house likely prepping food. So on one hand, lots of distractions, but on the other hand, maybe less time than I’ll want to connect with her.

Thus far, that’s been my biggest challenge. I want to keep communicating with her and she wants to roll with flow. Right before our talk before, she had privately been sexting with F (we agreed she can msg him throughout day as long as she is transparent about it before end of day). They both discussed how excited they were to see each other and fuck each other silly—she also shared a naked pic of her.

It was incredibly hot and I loved it. It turned me on and I wanted to fuck her again today, but she said she needed to deal with something for work and to give her 15 minutes.

30+ minutes later and the pit in my stomach emerged—I suppose it’s jealousy, but I struggle to analyze it. I suspect I see her giving her attention to F (sexual and otherwise) and then crave her attention on me. But I’m often not getting as much attention as I desire and then feeling hurt.

I don’t know how to manage that—objectively. I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong, she likely got caught up with work. Or even more likely, maybe she just doesn’t want to fuck me again today lol. So it’s not that she’s wrong, it’s that I can’t control my emotional response to her behavior.

So I imagine this is going to be an ongoing issue for me—her giving him attention (texts or sex) and me wanting attention too, but not getting it. This isn’t easy!

[kellycuckoldsmark]

No it isn't! For me part of being a cuckold is the very fact that she gives more focus and attention to him than me, especially sexually. Breathe. Remember this is a learning process. It is a little trial and error but always learning and communicating.

Maybe, given our angst, you should ask her to tell you to put the cage on or do it voluntarily. It will actually help you understand that this isn't all about you. You have agreed boundaries with her and she is sticking within them (per your comment above). The cage will be a nice reminder for you to calm down and for her to remember to fulfill what is important to you. Given her comments about when she comes home Saturday she is very aware of the need to meet your emotional and physical needs.

This will also help you manage your emotions ahead of and on Saturday. If you are freaking out over sexts that you have approved, the angst will be a million times worse on Saturday when you know F is satisfying your wife - and you will be tempted to make the safe word call......better learn over the next 36 hours or so.

Fun being a cuckold isn't it ?!?!?!

[drstrangelove]

Guys, this is such a rollercoaster, but here’s a massive update on a crazy evening. It’s been by far the hottest experience of my life. It’s like in a moment, my wife became my perfect fantasy—she pressed every button and quite literally made my dream come true and we haven’t even started this yet.

As she made it clear today, she has now jumped into this with both feet and she would be upset if I pulled the plug at this point. And she has been incredibly open and honest about how badly she wants to fuck him (if he wasn’t working, she was ready to do it tonight). She’s also made it clear she’s going to be impulsive and the hookups maybe more frequent than I’m expecting, so she wanted me to be prepared for that.

But I’ll do my best to capture everything as best I can, but there was so much going on in parallel, that this post is going to be a struggle to write. I assure you it’ll be worth it…

**

So I had gone upstairs to reset after my wife blew me off not following up on sex this afternoon. As I explained, it wasn’t her fault, but her giving F attention and not me, hurt.

So she texted me from downstairs, apologizing. I told her she didn’t need to. But she said she knew she was wrong and wants to be more cognizant of making sure I feel loved, especially now. She recognizes that she’s going to have a lot to manage in terms of how to divide her attention (me, kids, F and work).

I made the suggestion for her to keep it lighter—she can blow me off, tell me she gives F more attention because of how good he’s going to fuck her Sat, and then give me attention later when she can. Instead she seemed annoyed by me again after having fun with F, and ghosted me after suggesting we have sex lol.

She agreed completely and I know I need to learn how to manage those jealousy spikes better. It’s certainly a trigger point for me when I feel like her giving me attention is a burden on her—so it’s a problem we’ll have to guard against for sure.

So then we had this exchange:

Wife: I think you are so completely amazing

Me: Oh? Tell me why…

Wife: Because you’re allowing me to fuck another man while you watch the kids

Wife: lol

Me: Why do you appreciate that so much, babe?

Wife: Because this is my escapism

Me: So you like that I understand you may occasionally need to just get fucked senseless or blow him after work? So you can reset?

Wife: Exactly *shrug*

Me: And you like that I’m ok if you do all the wild things with him? That I won’t mind getting HJs instead of BJs and bending you over his dresser?

Wife: Of course.

Wife: If you’re ok!

Me: As long as you are willing to give me that attention, of course I am. It would be unfair for me to expect you to be a wild porn star with me and him. I understand that’s the side of you he gets.

Her: I give you my love, respect and family

**

We kept talking a bit, and I mentioned the idea of role playing with her pretending I’m F maybe—would give me a chance to do all the fun things with her too.

She also asked me if I thought she was going to blow him in first encounter and I told her 100%.

Me: He’s going to want to see your lips wrapped around his cock after all this time. He knows you love to swallow him, so he’ll want to watch you take every drop.

Wife: And maybe he’ll film it while it’s happening

(Note: A few days ago, I mentioned vids/pics was one of my bucket list items. I didn’t think it would happen honestly, so this took me by surprise.)

Me: You should text him and let him know the big mistake you made the first time is no video for you to masterbare to.

(What I didn’t know, is during that convo, she was in parallel already texting F. So I’m not sure how to share this as we were both texting her at the same time and I was giving suggestions on what to say. So I’ll just pick up here with her entire convo with F, but note it starts in the middle of the convo you just read and it’ll pick up here when we get to the filming suggestion.)

**

Wife: I’m glad you became my escape again

F: looking forward to playing that part. And looking forward to having fun with you again. This time no need to book hotels

Wife: Thank you for that. I’m looking forward to having a little fun too *wink* You know the best part of not needing a hotel…I don’t need to muffle how loudly I scream

F: *drool* - I plan on that being my face after being down between your legs

Wife: OMG

F: hahaha! Depends on who’s home upstairs from me *laughing*

Wife: Well you might need to keep me in check…

F: I’ll just have to put my hand around your neck

Wife: Hmmm…

F: *Devil*

Wife: …such trouble

F: And so are you

Wife: Maybe I’ll just have to put my mouth around your dick *wink*

F: Won’t hear any complaints from me. Looking forward to that. Remembering how good you felt. Especially when taking you from behind

Wife: Hmm

Wife: Also, you can film Saturday or take pictures at any point

F: Hmmm. For what

W: I’m giving you the possibility don’t need to take it

F: And you say I’m trouble

Wife: Some people like that

Wife: Again…Just giving you options *shrug*

F: Maybe I’ll take a picture or video of you sucking my dick. Or having you from behind and hearing you moan

Wife: OMG I was just writing that…See I’m fun

F: Never said you weren’t

Wife: I’d love you taking a video of me sucking your dick

F: *big eyes* Then it’s a done deal

Wife: *Smile* I love when I get my way

F: I just ask that you let me do at least one thing…

Wife: What is that?

F: You go on all fours. Literally face down and your ass up. And you let me eat you from behind.

Wife: Done

F: *drool*

Wife: Will you video that too?!

F: Hmm if I’m able to get a free hand during that

Wife: How many hands are you going to need?!

F: Possibly both *hand* *lick* *hand*

Wife: OMG you’re insane

F: But you like it

Wife: Of course. Why wouldn’t I?!

F: *smile*

(Small break here. Kids to bed, etc. I wasn’t involved during next part at all and read about an hour after it happened.)

Wife: God I can’t wait to fuck you

F: Me either. It will feel so good being inside you again

Wife: So sad you’re not around tomorrow

F: I mean you can come over after I get home around 11:30pm

Wife: Hmmm I’ll see you at 9 on Saturday

F: Haha ok

(Discussion on logistics and his address)

Wife: Also, curious, is that the only thing you want me to do? Get on all fours while you eat me from behind? What other things would you like?

F: Oh no no no. That’s just a must have.

Wife: Oh ok I misunderstood

F: I really can’t wait for this. I want to just come home tonight and you just be naked in my bed already

Wife: …don’t tempt me

F: Why not?

Wife: Damn you’ve got me. Of course I would like that

F: So come over later

Wife: I should have just fucked you Wednesday

F: Come fuck me tonight. So I can cum all over you

Wife: I can’t

F: *sad*

Wife: You can cum on me on Saturday. And don’t give me that sad face my pussy is sad thinking about it

F: Tell me where you want me to cum on you

Wife: All over my stomach

F: Maybe all over your ass so I can run my dick up and down it while running my cum on you with it. Or maybe right on top of your pussy

Wife: I’ll do you one better. You want to cum after we fuck. Cum all the way down my throat

F: Ohh my I’ll unload down your throat

Wife: Please do

F: As long as you cum in my mouth as well

Wife: Agreed. It won’t take much

F: Perfect

Wife: We have a lot of ambitious goals for only one hour I should have thought this through

F: Will keep the anticipation for the next time

Wife: Agreed and it would also just be nice to say hi but maybe chatting is overrated

F: True. We could do that…while you take your shoes off

Wife: Or I could just jump and straddle you while you take me to bed

F: Could do that

Wife: Options…

F: Many

**

So after that, I was rock hard and I needed to cum again today. I honestly can’t get over how crazy these text exchanges are. Fucking insane. I feel like I’m living a cuckold porn movie right now.

So I told my wife I needed to cum, but I know she’s sick and tired so I said I can just jerk off. But she told me to just fuck her and she took off her pants and leaned back on the couch spreading her legs. I licked her quick and she was soaked.

We then had an absurd dirty talk session as I began to fuck her.

I said it was my last chance to fuck *my* pussy as she was taking back ownership of it on Saturday.

She replied: “It’s never been your pussy; now you just know about it.”

This is also when she told me this was about to get way more intense than she thinks I’m expecting—she warned me that she’s certainly going to randomly go over there while we are watching TV if he’s free some nights. And if she doesn’t want to drive, she’s going to have him drive over here and blow him in his car down the block.

I told her that was so hot and she should make sure she’s fucking him more than me so she can be having twice as much sex as me. She audibly laughed out loud, telling me she knew this stuff turned me on, but she’d love if that were the case, but just doesn’t think I’ll be able to handle it.

I told her I’d prove her wrong and would love if she fucked him more. I asked if she could have him cum on her pussy, so she said of course.

So I said ok, then when you cum home, I want you to sit on my face and take a pic of me eating his cum—and anytime I question you going to fuck him, show me that pic and remind me of who is in charge in this relationship.

She replied: “Oh you have no idea but you’re going to realize really soon how in charge I am. I’m going to be cumming all over his dick all the time.”

Me: “And you’re going to have him shoot his load all over your pussy on Saturday?”

Her: “It’s not like it’ll be the first time he’s done that, babe.”

I shot my load on her stomach and cleaned up. I told her it was the single hottest sexual experience I ever had, but to give me a bit of attention before bed as I process it all. She told me she was glad I enjoyed, but clearly it didn’t do much for her physically.

She said she’s glad I enjoyed and that she hopes I don’t mess up her getting to enjoy Saturday so we both get what we want.

I was a bit taken aback as it felt a bit insensitive of her—but she actually pleaded: “babe, I really just want to cum all over his dick and enjoy my time there.”

I then asked her how much of what she said during sex was serious vs dirty talk and she looked at me asking what I mean. So I started listing the things she said: “would you really run out of here on a whim to go fuck him one night?”

Her response, dead pan: “Babe, are you kidding? I’d love to do that all the time—why wouldn’t I want to do that?! It’s so hot and kinky. I’d love it. But I get the sense you may rain on my parade.”

She told me she was worried I was going to back out and she would be upset. She’s jumped in with both feet now and she really wants to go fuck him Saturday. And she’s worried when she gets home I’ll be a mess instead of wanting to lick her clean.

So we discussed a bit and I’m resolved to follow this through. I mean this is fucking it—this is my perfect fantasy come to life. I have no idea how it ends, but I’m not going to deprive myself of experiencing this.

It’s crazy because tonight was beyond my wildest fantasy and she hasn’t even fucked him yet. And the look on her face tonight was serious. She is dead set on fucking him. I’m a bit scared that if I did pull the plug, it would cause a disaster for us at this point. Onward we go.

[drstrangelove]

No it isn't! For me part of being a cuckold is the very fact that she gives more focus and attention to him than me, especially sexually. Breathe. Remember this is a learning process. It is a little trial and error but always learning and communicating.

Maybe, given our angst, you should ask her to tell you to put the cage on or do it voluntarily. It will actually help you understand that this isn't all about you. You have agreed boundaries with her and she is sticking within them (per your comment above). The cage will be a nice reminder for you to calm down and for her to remember to fulfill what is important to you. Given her comments about when she comes home Saturday she is very aware of the need to meet your emotional and physical needs.

This will also help you manage your emotions ahead of and on Saturday. If you are freaking out over sexts that you have approved, the angst will be a million times worse on Saturday when you know F is satisfying your wife - and you will be tempted to make the safe word call......better learn over the next 36 hours or so.

Fun being a cuckold isn't it ?!?!?!

I feel like I’m well past controlling any of this—read my last post. She’s going to fuck him on Saturday no matter what I think. I honestly wouldn’t even risk the safe word if I needed it because I think repercussions of me stopping her would be a worst case scenario now. If anything, I’d stop her afterward if I need to.

The next challenge is how I spend my time on Saturday. I’ll be home with my daughter so I’ll either hang out with her or workout probably. My mom is taking kids soon after, so wife and I will have a few hours alone to recover. I may even have videos! Which will be a trip. Fuck this is crazy.

[elina]

I feel like I’m well past controlling any of this—read my last post.

Dear Drstrangelove,

I agree. You have encouraged your Wife to take control and take a Lover.
Now She really wants this, you backing out now would be really bad.

So now, your only choice is to fully support Your Wonderful Wife and soon to be Cuckoldress,
enjoy the experience with Her and be a good and submissive husband around Her, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, smiling and being Nice to Her all the time....

I would for sure enjoy that ride, I think from what you have written that you will do as long as you make up your mind to go through with it.

I wish you the best of luck and look forward to your updates.

Sincere regards
elina

[drstrangelove]

I feel like I’m well past controlling any of this—read my last post.

Dear Drstrangelove,

I agree. You have encouraged your Wife to take control and take a Lover.
Now She really wants this, you backing out now would be really bad.

So now, your only choice is to fully support Your Wonderful Wife and soon to be Cuckoldress,
enjoy the experience with Her and be a good and submissive husband around Her, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, smiling and being Nice to Her all the time....

I would for sure enjoy that ride, I think from what you have written that you will do as long as you make up your mind to go through with it.

I wish you the best of luck and look forward to your updates.

Sincere regards
elina

Thank you, Elina.

I had a rough night. I really felt like I needed some “aftercare” last night to calm my nerves. The reason it was so hot was because it wasn’t fantasy dirty talk; it was real. She was being honest with me. So after I came and the arousal wasn’t a part of it, I was a bit terrified.

But she wouldn’t give me any comfort—when I asked for it, she turned it back on me. Saying she was sick and tired and felt like I needed to do more to hold up my end of the deal. I had promised to give her more support (house, kids) and she could really use it starting now.

I don’t disagree with her, but in the moment, I was having a bit of a panic attack and needed her to calm my anxiety, not pick a fight over putting the kids to bed.

The psychology of it all is so familiar as I dealt with it during and after affair. She takes on so much and is frustrated and overwhelmed by it, so she blames me. So last night, I know exactly what she was thinking—she wanted to relax and sext with F, but had to put kids to bed as I was tied up at time with something else. So to her, it’s like I’m interfering with her ability to get her dopamine fix from him.

And once she gets that justified anger mindset, she’s emotionally unavailable to support me. And my fear is it’s a bottomless pit with her—there’s no amount of chores I can do that will make her not turn on me when the tide goes up and there’s too much on our plates.

But to your point, my best option now is to try my best. My mind keeps drifting forward: scared she won’t use condoms; scared she’ll fuck him while I’m in Italy, etc. I’m trying to center myself and focus on the moment, but lack of sleep is piling up and taking a toll.

[elina]

Dear Drstrangelove

I can understand all of that; both your Wife's reactions and yours.
We are all falible humans and Life was never meant to be easy
Also, it is a very well known reactions that submissives or cuckolds who are allowed to cum will loose their interest in it all after the orgasm untill everything builds up again and then we are as desperate as before.

So I suggest you should try to limit your orgasms and focus on pleasing your Wife, that is the best way to stimulate Her to give you some care I think

Sincerely
elina

[Rogueuser1]

You need to work through now how you will feel if she doesn't make him wear a condom, of she fucks while you are in Italy, etc.
Part of all of this is that she is in control now, not you. You need to be careful not to ruin it and make her resent you because you have opened this door and she has jumped in with both feet.
A huge thing would be a signal she could text you wjen sue is or has jist fucled him so that there are no secrets but she is free to fuck when she wants.
Another thread in here, breaker, his wife would send him a fleur-de-lis to let him know she was getting or had jist gotten fucked. They worked it out after she snuck around a bit and got fucked without telling him and it really helped.
You also need to be ready for her to not tell you every detail. Even though you want them. There are two of you in this situation not just you and what you want. She is another human and also gets what she wants too, the trick is finding balance.
Good luck!

[drstrangelove]

So I suspect this may be my last update before tomorrow.

I went to my former couples’ therapist this afternoon solo to chat—I thought with everything going on, seeing someone again would help me gain clarity. My wife and I were seeing her from March 2022 (end of affair) to May 2023 when I pulled plug due to it adversely affecting my wife. This was my first visit without my wife.

The therapist raised all of the obvious red flags and some concerns I hadn’t even thought of.

She has concerns with a dynamic where a married partner has the “fun sex” outside the marriage—she noted that my wife and I not having a healthy, fun sex life will cause significant problems over time. Something my wife will guard against by planning non-cuck evenings where we can have fun together.

She also noted a red flag I shared: my wife’s insistence that she only enter into this dynamic with F. The therapist thinks whatever her underlying reasons for insisting on him are bad—her likely guess is that my wife is trying to absolve her lingering guilt from affair and right the wrong by sleeping with the same man, but now with my approval.

That one struck me because it’s similar to what I wanted to do while recovering from the affair—having my wife erotically tell me what she did during affair so I could turn it from a bad memory to a good one. I wonder if this will help my wife’s shame from affair.

She also thinks we’re rushing in without establishing enough clear boundaries, too many things are changing this week as we launch toward tomorrow. I think it was a fair criticism.

And lastly, because she knows my wife, she confidently told me she will not be able to emotionally and mentally handle this dynamic. She feels she’ll be overwhelmed and the great strides in our marriage will regress as a result. Essentially, my wife takes on a lot and struggles juggling it all. Now she’s adding a new, complicated ball to the mix. So when things in life get crazy in other areas, she’ll need to cut F to avoid neglecting the other things (me, kids, work); however in those situations F will be the last thing she wants to cut because it’s the fun escape for her. So you can’t setup a fun escape as the least important thing as people won’t adhere to what they should do.

All very fair stuff. Her bottom line wasn’t to not do it, but to wait a bit longer.

I have given it some thought and discussed feedback with wife. We’ve decided to still move forward. We want to do it and see how we feel afterward. We both feel confident we can pull plug if we can’t handle it, but we’ve come far enough to want to experience it at this point.

So here’s the plan:

I didn’t sleep last night, so I’ll be taking magnesium and melatonin and be in bed early. We’ll get up by 8 a.m. and both shower. She’ll get prepared for date as I observe—her plan is sexy bra and panties and jeans and a t-shirt. Around 8:45 a.m. she’ll head over to F’s house.

I plan to bring my kids to my mom and go do some grocery shopping for the meal I’m making on NYE. Then we will meet back at our empty house before 11 a.m. to reconnect.

Their plans for the 90+ minutes isn’t clear as they covered a tremendous amount of things they want to do to each other.

His primary ask was to have her face down, ass up, so he can eat her out from behind for a bit before fucking her doggy.

They discussed filming her sucking his dick and fucking doggy.

They discussed where he’d cum, with his preference all over her pussy (mine too) or on her ass and her preference was swallowing it—but I suspect they may do both.

My wife is committed to using condoms, which I’ve already purchased for her. She has not yet told F that she wants to use them as it’s her strong preference to wait to say it in person. I don’t think it’ll be an issue, though he will still be finishing on her and doing unprotected oral sex.

So thats it I guess. Unsure when update will come, but certainly no later than tomorrow night as I’ll be home alone with family going out to movies.

All I can hope for now is a good long sleep tonight!

[drstrangelove]

You need to work through now how you will feel if she doesn't make him wear a condom, of she fucks while you are in Italy, etc.
Part of all of this is that she is in control now, not you. You need to be careful not to ruin it and make her resent you because you have opened this door and she has jumped in with both feet.
A huge thing would be a signal she could text you wjen sue is or has jist fucled him so that there are no secrets but she is free to fuck when she wants.
Another thread in here, breaker, his wife would send him a fleur-de-lis to let him know she was getting or had jist gotten fucked. They worked it out after she snuck around a bit and got fucked without telling him and it really helped.
You also need to be ready for her to not tell you every detail. Even though you want them. There are two of you in this situation not just you and what you want. She is another human and also gets what she wants too, the trick is finding balance.
Good luck!

I don’t think I’m ready for any of that yet, Rogue.

I suspect I’ll be fine with her fucking him on her terms down the line, but it’s to new. Being with him again so soon and while I’m out of the country is an emotional burden I simply don’t want and she has promised to respect that.

As for condoms, she’s been clear with me that she will wear them and not change her mind. I believe her. And I understand not wearing it would be hotter, but the reality is a bit too problematic here—we don’t know his dating status and he’s been single nearly two years. She’s also not on BC—so that’s not something we can mess with at this time.

As for the details, that’s up to her entirely—she’s been very open in the past about sex details, so it’s not a hang up for her. I don’t foresee it being an issue.

[residueS]

Good to hear that you guys are back into a calmer state of mind. But, seriously, I don't know how you can go this long with bad sleep. I would totally be non-functioning.

Get some good sleep and Good luck!

[drstrangelove]

Good to hear that you guys are back into a calmer state of mind. But, seriously, I don't know how you can go this long with bad sleep. I would totally be non-functioning.

Get some good sleep and Good luck!

Just been extreme anxiety, stress and jealousy. I think I just took too much in too fast. And even tonight, they had a few texts confirming plans tomorrow and as soon as I started to read them, panic set in and I had to stop. I just need to clear my head.

My wife and I talked though and she’s a little nervous for sure, but definitely more excitement on her end. She also keeps making references to this being long term, mentioning how future visits to his place will be less stressful, etc. So hearing her expect this becomes a regular part of our lives is a mix of really hot and really scary.

I’m just hoping she comes home happy and fulfilled and then I enjoy reconnecting with her. Ideally we go through this experience and see it as a positive that we want to continue.

[mf2hd82]

I'm excited for you and nervous as well. I'm afraid when she comes home after fucking him that your reconnecting won't go exactly according to the script you have in mind and you will be disappointed and she will be frustrated. Which in turn will ruin the fun she had. This may have been best left a fantasy. Good luck!

[drstrangelove]

I'm excited for you and nervous as well. I'm afraid when she comes home after fucking him that your reconnecting won't go exactly according to the script you have in mind and you will be disappointed and she will be frustrated. Which in turn will ruin the fun she had. This may have been best left a fantasy. Good luck!

I’m less worried about the perfect reconnection, especially considering that’s my wife’s biggest worry: she is more nervous about returning home than going to his house.

On my end, knowing how concerned she is about it, makes me feel comfortable that she’s going to handle it great.

I slept a bit better, but not much—perhaps 4-5 hours. I went to bed feeling fairly good and woke up the same, but the anxiety has been creeping up more and more as I lie in bed the last two hours.

I went and read the texts between them from last night (the ones I stopped myself from reading last night). They had a flirty exchange about wearing things that will make it easy for the other to get off.

They also briefly mentioned how they’re both a bit nervous because they haven’t seen each other in person in nearly two years. He felt that would melt away as soon as he sees her—she thought the same.

I suppose for me the hardest part is just how excited she is in the texts—she’s like a kid in a candy store. I think that’s probably better than the alternative—her being filled with dread—but it still leaves me feeling vulnerable.

I think managing my ego as we move forward is going to be a challenge. I need to get my mind to accept that my wife is filling a desire she can’t with me and she is thrilled about it—that should make me happy, so I need to move passed the jealousy and view my ego in a different light. And I think my wife will help with that as she can be very playful and teasing, which will disarm me.

Anyway, it’s about 7:20, so she’ll be waking up soon and walking out the door in 90 minutes. We’re both going to shower; I’ll put on cage and then help her select her bra and thong.

My main concern is not showing any sadness or concerns before she leaves—I don’t want her to feel bad about herself. For us to give this a real shot, she needs to feel supported and loved. That said, I could certainly imagine breaking down when I’m alone—hopefully grocery shopping will do the job of distracting me.