Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[DoctorLuv]

Has your wife recently again insisted that you be restrained & blindfolded when you were present when she & your friend were having sex? I’m sure many in a similar situation would find being blindfolded & restrained titillating. I wouldn’t & evidently neither did you. Have you discussed this with your wife & is she now accepting & accommodating your wishes?

[MatureCouple]

Your friend likes showing off his cock to you. And then when she's giving him a blowjob, she puts your hand on his cock. You felt it's massive size and power. Now you guide it into her pussy, and even jerk him off. Has he cum while you were jerking him? Did you feel his cock swell and then pulsate when he came? Did you have an urge to taste his semen? Or use it as lube on your cock?

He likes you touching his cock, doesn't he? Why not suck his cock? You've broken down all the other barriers. I think once you put his cock in your mouth, you will soon be comfortable with sucking him to completion. It's the ultimate to pleasure a cock with your mouth, especially from the flaccid state, feeling it grow to being fully engorged. Listening to him moan and groan as you pleasure his cock, finally exploding in your mouth.

Do you think he has any interest in sucking your cock? Maybe while he's fucking your gf, he could be sucking your cock?

[anondesires]

Has your wife recently again insisted that you be restrained & blindfolded when you were present when she & your friend were having sex? I’m sure many in a similar situation would find being blindfolded & restrained titillating. I wouldn’t & evidently neither did you. Have you discussed this with your wife & is she now accepting & accommodating your wishes?

I did find it erotic but I don't think it would have the same effect any more. They found it fun to encourage me to ask to be able to watch. I found the helplessness hot but it also made it easier for me to handle because I couldn't do anything about it, wasn't expected to do anything and couldn't be caught looking or see how they looked at me.

I'm not sure how we would get those same feelings back, maybe with someone else or a different situation entirely.

[anondesires]

Has he cum while you were jerking him?

No, you could barely class it as jerking him off. I couldn't think of a term between stroking and jerking off.

Did you have an urge to taste his semen?

I've tasted it many times but only indirectly via her. I don't think the urge is for his semen but for her.

Or use it as lube on your cock?

Again, indirectly many times.

He likes you touching his cock, doesn't he?

It's not something we've talked about. He'll make comments about me getting to see what a proper cock feels like but I think we avoid the subject of me pleasuring him directly.

Why not suck his cock?

Not something I want to do.

Do you think he has any interest in sucking your cock? Maybe while he's fucking your gf, he could be sucking your cock?

I don't understand why you think that might ever be a possibility.

[lockedbybullsw]

I, for one am very happy to see your back anon. You’re living an inspiring tale. It’s full of mystery, delight, and conquest. I look forward to seeing your posts. It is exciting to hear of all three of your point of views. The shear fact that you and your girlfriend align like, so early on, is absolute magic. I wish you a long healthy relationship moving forward that continues to push boundaries in healthy ways. Have fun!

[wannabecUKold]

The following week she tried the same trick, less as a trick, more as a suggestion but I went along with it. I had my hand around his cock as she sucked it. It felt so wrong, I don't know if that's what made it hotter or if it was feeling so compliant in her cucking me. That lasted less than a minute but since then I've become more comfortable with it. In more recent times, I've guided his cock into her pussy and gradually gotten comfortable essentially jerking him off while we're making out between times where she's sucking him if that makes sense. That thing feels mighty in my hand, I can only imagine what difference it feels for her in her pussy.

I am glad you have done this and that you have got more relaxed and are enjoying the cucking. Guiding his cock into her pussy is an ultimate cuckold delight. Does your best friend comment on you holding him at all? Is he or she going to ask you to suck his cock?

[mfmfantasy50]

Love that the activity here on this thread has picked up, again!!! It's one of my favorites threads in OHW.org...

[xelfor7]

Thanks for writing all of this out. I just recently learned my husband has these fantasies and it’s helpful to see how things may have developed for him.

[ppisbest5]

A while ago some of us asked about you see all this being turned out, and you said you didn't know then... Have you figured out what you want from the future?

No but it's something we discuss an increasing amount. At first it was a "try it and see" thing but now it's become a "this is what we do now" thing and I can't see it stopping in the foreseeable future. I still don't see my future self as some "cuckold husband", I guess something's got to give there and I think I know which and it still scares me. From her perspective, she doesn't see the problem (as much). She says people have all sorts of sexualities and relationship dynamics these days, it's not that weird any more. I point out that if my friends, family and/or colleagues found out, it would define who I was and some might start pushing for a piece of the action.

As seen previously, your girlfriend seems to just go full speed in pushing your boundaries, do you guys take a break and talk about what do you both want long term?

We talk about a lot of things. It was talking about our pasts and present desires that led us to try other things in the first place. When we're both horny, things inevitably tend to go "full speed", why would you only go half speed? You want to arouse your partner as much as you can, right? With regard to where it's all headed, we don't know, we're just seeing where it goes. I don't think you can plan how your likes/dislikes will change in the future. Sure, you could argue that she's been suggestive about things that she likes the idea of but these things find their own direction.

Do you think someday you'd not be as into this kink as you are now and would want to stop? How would she react to that?

I guess I hope someday that we both lose desire for it but where would we go from there? I guess the bigger and more general worry is "what if our desires go in different directions and we drift apart?" For your specific question, does that happen? Do you know anyone that's happened to?

More accurately do you actually want to be in this kind of relationship for the rest of your life?

A large part of me doesn't want to be in this kind of relationship now. There are days/times where I wonder if I'm no longer into it, most of those times I get straight back into it when it's imminent, other times I don't get into it but days later I'll remember it and be annoyed at myself for not making the most of it.

This may be a sensitive question but do you think she'll lose interest in you once she's done with pushing you and gets all she wants?

I don't know. I guess there's a thrill to pushing limits but there's also memories and a bond created along the way. Having gone through what we have, there's been emotional times and we've been through it together. Are you suggesting she would rather start again from scratch with someone else because she only enjoys pushing limits? Do you think pushing those same limits with someone else would be as fulfilling? Would it not just remind her of when she did it with me?

I hope you guys have talked enough and your thoughts and worries are taken into consideration as well instead of her just pushing you all the time.

As much as it might seem like she's just selfishly steering things where she wants, she's also very considerate.

And most importantly, how are you doing mentally/emotionally?

I think I've learned to cope with it. Maybe that's by compartmentalising this as an experience or as a temporary situation and not dwelling too much on the long term implications. I can't undo what's happened so far. The implications of what's already happened are already there so I may as well have some pleasure from it. I'm assuming that with time I'll become more comfortable with the bigger picture as I have done so far already.

The Reason I asked all those questions is because (if I recall correctly) you told us that a couple of her past relationships didn't work out where she tried to do some sort of open relationship thing, so in the future if you lose interest at some point in this lifestyle, what do you think would happen? Why would it be different in your case if the past open relationship (s) didn't work? I feel like this is a serious question to consider with the predicament you're in since(from what Ive gathered reading from the beginning) you have faced a LOT of internal conflict, discomfort, breakdown, manipulation and a form of cheating from her as well so putting myself in those shoes the main thing I would be constantly thinking about is : is this all worth it? Is this a waste of time? Is she worth all this mental/emotional discomfort (/pain)? . I ask this because unlike most other posters on this website you have been very reluctant right from the start going into this lifestyle. I understand asking yourself all these questions is not practical because you'd be turned on by what's happening to you a lot of the times but its still something to give a serious thought to.

This was just a random exploration for me in the beginning but I'm hooked to your story for some reason and find myself placing me in your position and thinking that I would have the same reluctance (probably even more)

I don't know/remember if you told us this but did she ever apologise for messing around with your friend back then ? And then blackmailing him to not tell you? And even when telling you holding back on the important details and making him look like the bad guy for a while ? I personally think that she would have hid all that from you if all things went on as normal and you guys didn't stumble upon this kink. You can justify it as "not wanting to damage the relationship" but it still cheating and betrayal period.

Also, if you were to tell her that you would like to sleep with other people as well, how would she react to that? Do you think she wouldn't care or would be opposed to it?



If you get tired of my skeptical Outlook on your situation please tell me and I'll shut up. But Until then I'll keep asking you these questions to balance all the cheering and encouragement posts and also because I resonate and relate to you for some bizzare reason and would want other people to ask me the same kind of questions.

One last thing, suppose you both get on the same page going forward with her seeing other people, she's gonna want to tell her friends at some point as you mentioned in a reply above. How would you feel being outed to your friends and family eventually? (Even if accidentally).

Most people would really not understand and would judge you hard for letting your girl sleep with others, would probably even lose respect for you which would make social situations painful if you come across people like that.

If you haven't already, you should talk to her about if this gets out , you're a lot more vulnerable in this arrangement than she is in most ways. It's probably you who's gonna be judge the hardest by friends and family, not her.

Wow typing this out took a lot more time than I imagined, now I understand how you probably feel wanting to put out fleshed out recollections of your experience and not wanting to leave details out etc.

Hope you're doing well,
Good day!

[xelfor7]

Thanks for posting this. As someone who just learned my husband has this kink it’s helpful to see the progression of thought.

[mfmfantasy50]

Thanks for posting this. As someone who just learned my husband has this kink it’s helpful to see the progression of thought.

Congratulations and I suppose WELCOME!

I, am what I call a "Cuckold Husband Wannabe!" Though, depending on the definition for "Cuckold" used, some suggest I already am a Cuckold, because of my Wife's previous infidelity. Be that as it may, I've gone through many emotional stages over years to reach the point where I am now desirous of accepting and taking on the Cuckold Role in the most serious manner my Wife wishes.

By the way, what will you go by on this thread and will your husband also be joining you as you participate in this thread?

Best,
Rock, Cuckold Husband Wannabe

[wannabecUKold]

Anon, thank you for all your recent answers, especially to ppisbest5 questions.
Your answers are very balanced and realistic. Your answer "A large part of me doesn't want to be in this kind of relationship now. ...most of those times I get straight back into it when it's imminent" shows, I think, that this is part of you now, even though you may still feel you ought to fight it. It is who you are and is what you want.
She understands your needs in this and is considerate. You two are compatible and are doing what you both want. "it's become a "this is what we do now" thing and I can't see it stopping in the foreseeable future." That is good.

[_xavier_]

I just want to say it's great to see you posting again, anon. It's been fascinating to read about your experiences, especially the evolution of your relationship with your girlfriend.

Obviously we all find the subject hot, and it sounds like you've come to accept that you find it hot, too, but it is the honesty and authenticity about how you've struggled with these choices that make this such an interesting thread. Hearing how she has led you gently (most of the time) undoubtedly makes many of the wannabe cucks here very envious. As more of a Dom/bull, myself, it's most illuminating to hear what has and hasn't been natural for you and how you respond to each small incremental step.

That said, we are all rooting for you to be happy, whatever that turns out for mean for you. If you tire of this kink, I think we'd all still want to hear how this is change, etc. Or if you continue, if your girlfriend is right and this actually is who you are now (at least for now) then we will all be glued to your posts and here to offer any thoughts you might ask for.

I just hope neither website performance nor the inevitable thread hijackers that I'm sure will eventually pop up deter you from continuing to post. As was said, typing in another document can at least help the first of those issues.

As for the point you're at right now, where she is teasing you and egging you on to not only grant her freedom, but to actively ask, maybe even beg for her to use it... that's a big decision and I'm glad you're allowed to play with the idea without it being real. I'll only suggest that if you do decide to take that plunge that you consider making a bit of a ceremony out of it. Maybe having her bff there to witness that ceremony would be a good way to address your girlfriend's other desire so that she can share those secrets with her closest confidante.

Anyway glad you returned! Thanks for the hot updates.

[DoctorLuv]

The idea _xavier_ expressed is intriguing. If you decided to have your relationship with your GF evolve to one in which she had total sexual freedom without any regard or input from you, it would be a monumental decision that would forever define your relationship. Society defines marriage as a relationship that should be memorialized and commemorated. I agree with _xavier_ that such an evolution to your relationship, like a marriage, should only be undertaken with serious deliberation and without regret, doubt, or hesitation.

Your ceremony shouldn’t be trivialized by humor. Any ceremony you did should be witnessed by those who love you and those you love. Also, your ceremony should be serious and even solemn because your decision would profoundly impact your lives beyond sex itself. (Think about family & possible future children) The solemnity of your ceremony shouldn’t preclude it being joyous, too. Hopefully such a ceremony would be liberating to both you and your girlfriend. Such a liberation should be joyous to both of you and those who truly love you, too.

[coastalkid]

Thank you for the answers to ppisbest's questions anondesires, sincerely! Ppisbest asked the questions I would have wanted to ask.

There's always lots of talk about the gf/wife's experience. It's always a crowd pleaser. All delicious and salacious details make for good masturbation. I can also imagine (because that's really all I have) that in the moment, the thrill is intense and really gets you going mentally, emotionally and physically. It's the "non-sexual" time, the time you have to think about it that I wonder about. If NRE (new relationship energy" can be a real thing then "post nut clarity" has to real too. In your answers I hear you saying that, you don't want friends, family and colleagues to know about it, you don't want this lifestyle for ever and you lean heavily on your gf's consideration.

[DoctorLuv]

What your GF is requesting, that you give her complete unilateral control of her sexuality without input or involvement from you may in some ways sound hot to you in the moment. However, longer term it may not be so titillating. Short term denial may sound hot. Longer term it will probably feel very lonely. Hate is not the opposite of love, ignore is the opposite. When does denial become ignore to you?
So far your GF has worked to involve you in her sexuality. She has let you know about the intimate details of her sexual trysts with your friend. Also, she has invited you to watch her have sex with him essentially half the time. Whether or not you watched her have sex, she has always facilitated you reclaiming her.
In the new arrangement she wants, will she still put forth the effort to involve you in her sexuality? Will she be able to go away with her lovers for days or even months at a time. Maybe she would even want you to pay for her getaways with future lovers. Would she tire of you reclaiming her after her trysts? Would she tire of giving you all the details of her intimate moments with her lovers? Maybe her lovers will resent her detailing their intimate love life with you.Would you find that acceptable or even titillating, or would you find that lonely & heartbreaking?
What your GF is asking would be a momentous change to your relationship that really should be appreciated by both of you before you undertake it. Right now I don’t think either of you really have thought through all the consequences of granting her wish.
I think you really should define what your future relationship will be before you commit to it. You should each be explicit about what you want from each other and what guardrails and boundaries you need.
I didn’t suggest a commemorative ceremony as a cuckold fever dream. Instead I suggested a formal memorialization of your new relationship so that each of you would understand their role and your obligations to each other. When I suggested that your ceremony should be witnessed and celebrated by those you love and who love you, I didn’t mean to imply that you should invite all your family and friends to celebrate your new relationship. Most of your friends and family, even those you love and love you back, would not realize or understand what you are doing and why you are seeking such an unconventional relationship. Nevertheless, I would hope that both of you could invite a few close individuals who could witness and celebrate with you the memorization of your new relationship.

[anondesires]

you told us that a couple of her past relationships didn't work out where she tried to do some sort of open relationship thing, so in the future if you lose interest at some point in this lifestyle, what do you think would happen? Why would it be different in your case if the past open relationship (s) didn't work?

I'm not sure I understand your angle. With her previous relationships, she couldn't continue with monogamy. Her first relationship failed because they couldn't cope with an open relationship. Her later relationship failed because it was too casual. Our relationship was more like her first and she tried to be monogamous again but it felt like our sex life was starting to struggle and she was starting to struggle with monogamy again. So far, we're not having the problems she had in previous open relationships. We have a close and meaningful relationship and her having sex with others seems to be a thrill for both of us.

I feel like this is a serious question to consider with the predicament you're in since(from what Ive gathered reading from the beginning) you have faced a LOT of internal conflict, discomfort, breakdown, manipulation and a form of cheating from her as well so putting myself in those shoes the main thing I would be constantly thinking about is : is this all worth it? Is this a waste of time? Is she worth all this mental/emotional discomfort (/pain)?

I have been through a lot emotionally as you say. It's gotten easier or at least more stable. Why would it be a waste of time? I feel like our relationship is fundamentally good, that was always what kept me going. What do you suggest the alternative is?

I don't know/remember if you told us this but did she ever apologise for messing around with your friend back then ? And then blackmailing him to not tell you? And even when telling you holding back on the important details and making him look like the bad guy for a while ? I personally think that she would have hid all that from you if all things went on as normal and you guys didn't stumble upon this kink. You can justify it as "not wanting to damage the relationship" but it still cheating and betrayal period.

She was very apologetic. A lot of things were up in the air back then, we were trying to understand ourselves and each other better. We both had our own struggles and our relationship had cracks beginning to emerge, her being tempted to cheat being one of them. It seems a bit bizarre now to consider that she stayed monogamous with me for all that time. What we have now is so much more honest, she can tell me everything without worrying about hurting my ego. So while it was cheating and betrayal at the time, it feels like it was the "rules" that needed to change to suit us.

Also, if you were to tell her that you would like to sleep with other people as well, how would she react to that? Do you think she wouldn't care or would be opposed to it?

Based on when she tried it previously, she wouldn't be able to cope with it. I think she was able to cope in her 2nd open relationship by keeping her distance emotionally but that defeated the point for her in having a relationship. I think if I tried to push for me to sleep with other women she would probably distance herself from me and it would probably pry us apart.

If you get tired of my skeptical Outlook on your situation please tell me and I'll shut up. But Until then I'll keep asking you these questions to balance all the cheering and encouragement posts and also because I resonate and relate to you for some bizzare reason and would want other people to ask me the same kind of questions.

I'm happy to keep answering them, I'm always trying to consider all the angles of this so I appreciate other people's angles too. I'd be interested to know why you feel like you resonate with me. It's also nice to know that you do, like I'm not alone with this viewpoint in some way. I think I asked about your situation previously but I don't remember if you answered.

One last thing, suppose you both get on the same page going forward with her seeing other people, she's gonna want to tell her friends at some point as you mentioned in a reply above. How would you feel being outed to your friends and family eventually? (Even if accidentally).

It's a big fear for me. I don't see why anyone else needs to know. Most people don't talk about their kinks, especially not with friends and family.

Most people would really not understand and would judge you hard for letting your girl sleep with others, would probably even lose respect for you which would make social situations painful if you come across people like that.

Hence my fear.

If you haven't already, you should talk to her about if this gets out , you're a lot more vulnerable in this arrangement than she is in most ways. It's probably you who's gonna be judge the hardest by friends and family, not her.

We talk about it a lot. She understands but obviously would like to discuss it with some other people.

[anondesires]

When I started writing on here, I was hoping/expecting a bunch of guys would tell me that they went through that phase of thoughts entering your head and turning you on to the idea. I hoped for advice on where it goes from there. I think there were 1 or 2 guys that did that (privately) but the majority of responses were essentially "encourage her to fuck your friend". I assume these guys are somewhere between wannabe and closet wannabe, looking for jerk-off material?

There's also a lot of guys that have said they resonate with me, especially first time posters and I wonder why that is. Am I resonating with guys that were in a similar place at the beginning but they have kept it to themselves and wonder what might happen and how they might handle it if their wives/girlfriends were up for trying it?

Are guys that have been through that not interested in talking about it? I guess guys that are going through that don't want to admit it to themselves, especially not anyone else?

I often wonder what might've happened if we hadn't started talking about it and experimenting so openly. Would I still be trying to suppress the thoughts? Would I still be trying to dominate and fuck the way she wanted? Would she have cheated? If she cheated and confessed, would I have been turned on by it and allowed her to continue? (it sounds like this is a common outcome?)

When I think about the alternatives like that, it feels like what happened was the better way to go. She often tells me that I seem more relaxed and enjoy sex more than I did before. I don't like to accept it but, if I'm honest, I think she's right, the pressure's off now, I don't have to suppress thoughts and orgasms, I can just enjoy it.

[Ranger55]

Anon,

I have pulled both ways for you, until now silently. For you taking the leap as I wish my previous partners would have been more honest and forthright rather than lying and cheating. Waving you off because I have never enjoyed the relationship you now have so am unsure of the outcome. Fantasy vs. monogamy. Always the question!

[Jujube]

I think that final acceptance of the way things are is a watershed moment for a cuckold. You are finally liberated from a lot of negative feelings and the pressure is off. I think you were half drug and half excited to be pushed into the way things are now. Her half-confessions of previous gropings definitely propelled you, so you are right- eroticisms of cheating is definitely a thing. I’m not exactly a cheerleader, but an observer of the way things progressed. I think with your submission to the situation, you three are liberated to take this as down and dirty as you want.

[realcucklife]

Hey Anon,
Fear of the unknown, and the pushing boundaries of normal behaviour is what drives a lot of the anxiety, but it also drives the desire to do it in equal parts, this is the double edged sword of the lifestyle.
Communication with each other is the key to making it work, you had a few moments there when you got into your head rather than sharing with her, but eventually you would sit down and tell her where you were at, and your concerns. This communication has seen the two of you grow as a couple, you are more aligned and can handle anything together as a unit front, this is a key outcome of cuckolding that you are now realising.

[realcucklife]

Hey Anon,
Fear of the unknown, and the pushing boundaries of normal behaviour is what drives a lot of the anxiety, but it also drives the desire to do it in equal parts, this is the double edged sword of the lifestyle.
Communication with each other is the key to making it work, you had a few moments there when you got into your head rather than sharing with her, but eventually you would sit down and tell her where you were at, and your concerns. This communication has seen the two of you grow as a couple, you are more aligned and can handle anything together as a unit front, this is a key outcome of cuckolding that you are now realising.

[user322]

Hi,
When you wonder if you made the right choice, I think saying these things gives you the answer:
" She often tells me that I seem more relaxed and enjoy sex more than I did before."
" I don't have to suppress thoughts and orgasms, I can just enjoy it."

And I think that despite the doubts you might have (and everyone has doubts in life, no matter the reasons...and often it's not by not taking risks that we have fewer doubts...) and no matter the choices you make, the most important thing is: ENJOY IT!

[Jujube]

I think realcuck and user make some really valid points.

[vicg]

When I started writing on here, I was hoping/expecting a bunch of guys would tell me that they went through that phase of thoughts entering your head and turning you on to the idea. I hoped for advice on where it goes from there. I think there were 1 or 2 guys that did that (privately) but the majority of responses were essentially "encourage her to fuck your friend". I assume these guys are somewhere between wannabe and closet wannabe, looking for jerk-off material?

Yes, I'm sure that's true for most of them. I'm a wannabe, and I confess I was hoping things would progress because it would turn me on. But I'm self-aware enough (and also cognizant that this lifestyle can do a lot of damage to some people and relationships) that I would never jump in and play cheerleader just so I could get my jollies from your experience.

There's also a lot of guys that have said they resonate with me, especially first time posters and I wonder why that is. Am I resonating with guys that were in a similar place at the beginning but they have kept it to themselves and wonder what might happen and how they might handle it if their wives/girlfriends were up for trying it?

I also resonate with you. When I started having these desires and wondering if I would seriously want it to happen, I thought about some of the same anxiety that you've had. I think a lot of what you've gone through stems from your particular circumstance: she's cuckolding you with your best friend, and you and your friend have a history that made you very sensitive about that dynamic. I suspect if your fantasies had been triggered by a photo of some anonymous stranger's cock and she decided to cuck you with someone that you didn't know, it might've been easier for you.

When I think about the alternatives like that, it feels like what happened was the better way to go. She often tells me that I seem more relaxed and enjoy sex more than I did before. I don't like to accept it but, if I'm honest, I think she's right, the pressure's off now, I don't have to suppress thoughts and orgasms, I can just enjoy it.

For what it's worth, this makes perfect sense to me.