Re: progress story
Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 5:26 pm
First time posting, though I have read this entire thread (which was exhausting!).
I'm not going to comment on the specific cuckold -related issues - I share the fantasy, totally get the turn on, but haven't gone there for real yet and not sure we ever will.
However, I do have some expertise in relationships where communication isn't good that failed (and fortunately, now with one where it is good).
Breaker - nothing I have to offer is radically new on this thread. But throughout my reading of this thread, I have been repeatedly upset that you two don't really talk to each other! You love each other, you have attraction still, you enjoy being together. But you don't really talk. You have had some recent progress in your talking - but even now, it's like an iceberg - most of it is still under the surface. Reading about your interactions, it was painful to see how much is being hidden.
She hasn't said exactly what she feels guilty about or what she likes and you have never had the courage to tell her what you want and what you need. Not really. After all - this started because you wanted to share a cuckolding relationship with her - but that isn't what was happening at all. You have to be brave and REALLY say it all. It seems to me that when you try, it generally goes well - she wants to talk I think. So take encouragement from that.
You say you want to give her what she needs...right? What she needs is your help being honest and open. She needs you to show her how to stop hiding and teasing and avoiding. It really doesn't matter why - shyness, control, guilt - ultimately neither of you is really being honest. And you have to stop telling her whatever she wants is just fine. I don't think that's what you really believe. You're both being cowards (and I mean that in the nicest way).
If you can't talk now - just wait till you have kids (if you ever do). That shit is REALLY hard.
It doesn't sound like she'll do it without you. So you have to be stronger than you have been and insist. Show some confidence in your marriage in a real way - not a fantasy. Maybe you guys should find a kink-friendly couples therapist and get some help. And as far as how things go in bed with you two - despite the way out there cuckolding thing - you two seem downright conservative about everything else. How about exploring things together - using toys, using a strap on for YOU (that'll work right into the femdom theme). I don't get how it's too embarrassing to use toys together but it's okay to have another lover. There are a gazillion books, blogs, websites with ANYTHING you can imagine - explore some together. And when she says "you're weird" or "that's weird" - tell her "no, it isn't - it's healthy and fun". In some ways, I think you guys jumped too fast to such a complex and risky kink, without passing through some less difficult stages - that's part of what has gone wrong. You didn't build a mutual understanding, tolerance, and tools for sharing with each other your true feelings and reactions. My GF and I still are working on how to deal with how to talk about when she whines about how it feels stressful when she ties me up or how the positions I want to do are difficult for her to cum with or how I say I want to be her sub but then don't act submissive. I cannot imagine going straight to what you need to discuss. But you do need to discuss it because that is where you are.
Anyway - I hope things go well - you seem like nice people who really love each other. But PLEASE - take some initiative on improving your relationship in and out of bed. And don't say it's not the right time because she's not doing anything. It is never the wrong time to bring up something concerning in your relationship - because you care about that relationship. You can be a submissive cuckold and still be strong and assertive when needed. And your wife needs it now.
I'm not going to comment on the specific cuckold -related issues - I share the fantasy, totally get the turn on, but haven't gone there for real yet and not sure we ever will.
However, I do have some expertise in relationships where communication isn't good that failed (and fortunately, now with one where it is good).
Breaker - nothing I have to offer is radically new on this thread. But throughout my reading of this thread, I have been repeatedly upset that you two don't really talk to each other! You love each other, you have attraction still, you enjoy being together. But you don't really talk. You have had some recent progress in your talking - but even now, it's like an iceberg - most of it is still under the surface. Reading about your interactions, it was painful to see how much is being hidden.
She hasn't said exactly what she feels guilty about or what she likes and you have never had the courage to tell her what you want and what you need. Not really. After all - this started because you wanted to share a cuckolding relationship with her - but that isn't what was happening at all. You have to be brave and REALLY say it all. It seems to me that when you try, it generally goes well - she wants to talk I think. So take encouragement from that.
You say you want to give her what she needs...right? What she needs is your help being honest and open. She needs you to show her how to stop hiding and teasing and avoiding. It really doesn't matter why - shyness, control, guilt - ultimately neither of you is really being honest. And you have to stop telling her whatever she wants is just fine. I don't think that's what you really believe. You're both being cowards (and I mean that in the nicest way).
If you can't talk now - just wait till you have kids (if you ever do). That shit is REALLY hard.
It doesn't sound like she'll do it without you. So you have to be stronger than you have been and insist. Show some confidence in your marriage in a real way - not a fantasy. Maybe you guys should find a kink-friendly couples therapist and get some help. And as far as how things go in bed with you two - despite the way out there cuckolding thing - you two seem downright conservative about everything else. How about exploring things together - using toys, using a strap on for YOU (that'll work right into the femdom theme). I don't get how it's too embarrassing to use toys together but it's okay to have another lover. There are a gazillion books, blogs, websites with ANYTHING you can imagine - explore some together. And when she says "you're weird" or "that's weird" - tell her "no, it isn't - it's healthy and fun". In some ways, I think you guys jumped too fast to such a complex and risky kink, without passing through some less difficult stages - that's part of what has gone wrong. You didn't build a mutual understanding, tolerance, and tools for sharing with each other your true feelings and reactions. My GF and I still are working on how to deal with how to talk about when she whines about how it feels stressful when she ties me up or how the positions I want to do are difficult for her to cum with or how I say I want to be her sub but then don't act submissive. I cannot imagine going straight to what you need to discuss. But you do need to discuss it because that is where you are.
Anyway - I hope things go well - you seem like nice people who really love each other. But PLEASE - take some initiative on improving your relationship in and out of bed. And don't say it's not the right time because she's not doing anything. It is never the wrong time to bring up something concerning in your relationship - because you care about that relationship. You can be a submissive cuckold and still be strong and assertive when needed. And your wife needs it now.