I'm Ky, and I'm a cuck-oholic

[realcucklife]

Great to hear your both well and happy.

[offendedgame]

Emotions are very complicated, sometimes you can't even know how express them especially when you feel many things at the same time.
Pain/Joy, grief/happiness, anger/relief...etc

Why they're so complicated? I don't know.. maybe because they don't speak English; they speak with much deeper and complicated language, and that's why we do irrational things sometimes.
I don't know what i'm saying. lol. But it's great to hear from you again, and i'm glad that you're all okay.

It's good to be able to vent and talk about what you're going through sometime, specially with like-minded people that some of them dealt (are dealing) with the same thing as you. It really helps you keep the dark thoughts from eating your brain, with all the insecurities and the pervy thoughts and all, you know what i mean?
Right now? I can't imagine what Jaimee is going through, specially with the twins and the diapers and the crying and the little sleep.. all of that is tough to go through without like-minded people she can express herself with.. I feel bad for her, but i really admire her.

Anyway, can't wait for your next updates, because i have some questions of my own.

[Ky_Da]

Emotions are very complicated, sometimes you can't even know how express them especially when you feel many things at the same time.
Pain/Joy, grief/happiness, anger/relief...etc

Why they're so complicated? I don't know.. maybe because they don't speak English; they speak with much deeper and complicated language, and that's why we do irrational things sometimes.
I don't know what i'm saying. lol. But it's great to hear from you again, and i'm glad that you're all okay.

It's good to be able to vent and talk about what you're going through sometime, specially with like-minded people that some of them dealt (are dealing) with the same thing as you. It really helps you keep the dark thoughts from eating your brain, with all the insecurities and the pervy thoughts and all, you know what i mean?
Right now? I can't imagine what Jaimee is going through, specially with the twins and the diapers and the crying and the little sleep.. all of that is tough to go through without like-minded people she can express herself with.. I feel bad for her, but i really admire her.

Anyway, can't wait for your next updates, because i have some questions of my own.

That's well said. Emotions are complicated. And then add to that a perfect storm of out-of-balance hormones and you have a real fecal storm.

This whole thing has been hard on my wife. My family has been here as support, but I know she wishes her own family were closer. But she's got some serious inner-strength that I'm only now realizing. I try to change as many diapers as I can, and I try to give her a break as often as possible, but I don't do even 5% of the work she's doing.

[Ky_Da]

Hey all,

I’m glad you all don’t mind me going off on this mindless drivel.

This is so superficial, but I can’t get over the change in my wife’s breasts. It blows my mind that she’s able to feed our sons from her body. She’s actually had a hard time producing enough milk for two, and she’s was losing weight too quickly. The doctor is on her constantly to eat more. I know she’s trying, but as the doctor says, now is not the time to discriminate calories. She has a free pass to eat almost anything to get her calorie count up. She’s lost a lot of weight fast, and that’s despite her tits that are continuing to get bigger and bigger. They have some stretch marks from growing as fast as they have, but the marks are small so far and fairly light. I have a whole new respect for what a woman’s body goes through to bring a child into this world. What an amazing sacrifice.

Our lives are diapers, naps, and pacing the floor trying to get babies back to sleep. Yet, I’ve been hornier this last month than I was during all my teenage years, but sex is the last thing on my wife’s mind right now. That’s probably part of what has be writing here again. I’ve got all this pent-up sexual energy, despite being physically and mentally exhausted.

A couple of nights ago I was up with the boys. I finally got them to sleep around two in the morning, but I was still wide awake, so I pulled up Literotica and was reading a story while lying in bed. My wife turned over and woke up enough to see what I was doing, and the wood I was sporting while doing it. She abruptly turned away from me, mumbling something like, “I’m officially a lesbian,” and then went back to sleep.

On a more serious note: while we haven’t talked about the game—it continues to be on hold—we have talked a lot about Wade, and all the subjects that go along with him being the bio-father. We’ve had him over a couple of times now and talked at length about the future. He continues to be very respectful and willing to follow along with what we ultimately decide to do. But he has pleaded his case, saying that maybe he could sign up and be the kid’s soccer or baseball coach in the future. He’s willing to be relegated to whatever role we decide, even if that means no role at all. I trust what he’s telling me is true, but I can see how much he hopes that we’ll include him in some way. He’s stated numerous times that he doesn’t want to get married, that he knows it would end in disaster. He loved the way things were back when we were playing the game—he’s confessed as much several times. But he told us flat out that he’s not willing to participate any longer because he needs/wants a more stable relationship, and not one that can be yanked out from under his feet all of the sudden. I get that. I completely understand. He’s not bitter about playing the game with us—he had fun. He knew exactly what the rules were and knew what he was getting into.

I also get that he wants a long-term, stable relationship. I just don’t see how that could be with my wife. I see so many potential pitfalls ahead if we don’t manage this correctly. If we include him in our boy’s lives, that’s going to mean a lot of contact between him and us (him and my wife), and that would mean a high potential of temptation and falling into old habits and patterns. I’m torn. It’s one of those things where it’s easiest to just turn the faucet complete off, not letting even a drip get loose. Because if you open the tap even slightly, it’s so hard to turn it back off.


To give a little more insight into some of our thoughts about Wade. This was a conversation from several months ago…

“Is it over between you and Wade? I mean, did you ever officially ‘break-up’? I asked my wife. She lay on her side, her back next to me, her swollen belly turned away from me. She had a pillow between her legs and was wearing yoga pants and an old t-shirt. She had taken out the rings in her nipples a few weeks before, but the holes were still visible if you looked closely.

“I suppose it is, yeah,” she said, turning her head toward me and setting her phone on the bed. She had been texting her mother, working out travel arrangements. “we never actually said the words, it’s over, but we ended the game. He knew.”

“Do you miss it?” I asked.

She snorted a quiet laugh and rubbed her stomach, “I miss not being pregnant. I miss my flat tummy and feeling sexy—I’m such a fat cow.”

“You are sexier now than ever—and I’m not just saying that, but you didn’t answer my question,” I said, and she laughed coyly. And I wasn’t kidding. I was constantly horny for my wife when she was in her last trimester. Something about a pregnant woman just revs my engine. “Do you miss the game, having a boyfriend?” I asked again.

She looked thoughtful for a long moment and shrugged her shoulders, “Sometimes,” she said, “I miss the rush. I miss… I miss how carefree I could be. I miss teasing you, too.”

“You could still tease me. You don’t need to stop that,” I said quickly. We really had been playing things straight up for a while by then.

By the way she smirked at me, I knew more-or-less what she was thinking. “You miss your wife being a slutty whore for other men’s cocks,” she said in more of a statement than a question. I laid back and groaned a little. I did miss that. She reached back and cupped my dick. “I think you miss seeing my sloppy cunt stretching over bigger cocks.” I was hard as a rock, “I can tell you miss the game.”

I enjoyed the hand job for a minute before saying, “I miss it. But I’ve been extremely happy since we stopped, too. It’s been good to have you completely back as my wife… It never seemed like you were too broken up about Wade when we stopped. At least I never noticed it if you were.”

“There were a few moments when I had a bit of a cry, but no, it was different this time.”

“How so?”

She thought for a long moment, slowing down her hand job considerably but not completely stopping, “Wade is a close friend, but I never gave him my heart… I care for him, but we don’t connect on a very deep level,” she stopped the hand job but continued to hold my dick in her hand. I could tell she was really thinking about her answers. “This last time we played the game, it felt like I was acting. Like that was my alter ego or something—I was basically playing a part, yeah… I would never hurt Wade on purpose. He’s always been very good to me. We both knew we were never in love with each other.” I was about to speak when she added, “Those days when we were really deep in the game… it felt like I was a completely different person. God, I loved being that person. I could be irresponsible. I could have as much sex and do the craziest things, because I knew you would be there. But you’re my love, Ky. Don’t ever doubt that,” she patted her growing stomach lightly, “I think those carefree days are past now.”

Argh, what she said that night hit me deeply. I was really touched. “I think you liked the game as much as I did,” I eventually said.

“Probably more,” she replied without much hesitation. “you have no idea how randy I got when I teased you. The look on your face when we were playing was brilliant. I miss that as much as anything.”

“Seriously, you don’t have to stop the teasing. I’ll put up with it if it makes you happy,” I said again.

“Hmmm,” she hummed in thought, “So if I were to tell you that you could only have sex with me once for every ten times I have another cock. You would be good with that?”

“A one in ten ratio?” I said in surprised. When she nodded, I almost curled into the fetal position, “Fuck that’s an erotic thought.”

“I do like that thought,” she said genuinely, “but I like this one even more. You… on your knees by the side of the bed, sucking my lover’s cock, getting him ready to shag your slut wife again.” I shook my head and closed my eyes. Always with the sucking of cocks with her. “I seriously don’t know why you blokes have such a hang up about that. You love it when the girls are licking each other’s twats, but when it comes to you even looking at another cock, it’s like, ‘Whoa! That’s disgusting!’” She mimicked a lower guy’s voice. She was joking, but there was a little steel in her voice.

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, “I know, but that’s just how we’re wired. Ain’t no changing that.”

“I know, and it drives me mental, Ky,” she said in exasperation. “Wade would have let you suck his cock when we were playing the game you know.”

I sputtered at that for a minute, “Yeah, maybe, but I know you. And the moment I give in and start doing that, you’ll want me to start taking it up the ass.”

This time she bit her lower lip and moaned. “Don’t tease me like that you little shite.” She gripped my dick firmly in her hand. “Just imagine it, Ky. Andrea Bocelli playing in the background. You on your hands and knees, with a man pressing his large cock into your arse… slowly pushing the head in, waiting while you adjust to his size,” she moaned again and I felt her shudder against me. She was really enjoying this.

“You can’t be fucking serious. There’s no way I’m listening to Bocelli,” I quipped and got the laughed I hoped for before saying, “I’m sorry babe, but I can’t even wrap my head around something like that. I’ll do almost anything else you can imagine up, but the whole gay thing just isn’t me.”

She sighed and shrugged, “A girl can dream,” she said wistfully, “but you don’t have to wrap your head around it, just your cunt mouth, or your tight arsehole… I need to find you a gay lover, or maybe a transvestite,” he eyes got wide and her voice elevated in pitch, “That’s it! You need a woman with big tits and a big cock. If she’s a woman, then it’d be easier for you move past this stupid aversion of yours.”

I was floored by what she was talking about, and I couldn’t tell if she was joking or if she was serious. “I think that is the most bat-shit-crazy thing you’ve ever said.”

She smirked at me and wagged her brow at me, “Oh, I’ve got crazier.”

“I’m afraid to ask.”

[offendedgame]

She smirked at me and wagged her brow at me, “Oh, I’ve got crazier.”

I’m afraid to ask.

Man, we really missed you!

[WACouple]

For sure!

[subtoall]

Hey all,

I’m glad you all don’t mind me going off on this mindless drivel.

On the contrary. We've been pining for it.

I for one, am glad you're back. And that conversation with Jaime was brilliant!

[mundyman]

Ky, I've been following your red hot, but tender, story from the very beginning.
Congratulations on the birth of your twin boys. Having gone through the birth of three children, I know how emotionally invested you get during the pregnancy, both growing closer to your wife and looking forward to the birth of your children. To be thrown the curve ball you had to deal with is a real game stopper, and as you said, emotional punch to the stomach.
But as you said, you and your wife knew this was an outside chance. All through your story you and your wife have struck me as being incredibly level headed and realistic in your approach to this lifestyle. Even during the craziest times, when she was living with Wade, him taking her to Vegas, having her change her look for him, the piercings, etc., there was a clear sense that she never lost sight of her connection to you and your relationship. That what she got out of this kink wasn't just big cock but the fun of pushing your buttons. This seems born out by the discussion you two had recently in bed.

I'm sure the lifestyle will fade into the background for a while. That seems to be the way things go in other relationships on this forum. And it should. Your boys should be the total focus of your lives right now and the foreseeable future. And if you have another child in the next couple of years that may delay your re entry into the lifestyle longer. However nothing says your beautiful wife can't find some strange cock on a girls night out, or you set up a well deserved long weekend away where you two can play, or she rekindles a redefined relationship with Wade as you all get older. But I'm sure the last thing she wants right now is anything going near her pussy.

However, don't let the crazy times with your new babies keep you two from reconnecting and staying connected emotionally and physically. There are times you both will need to be selfish with your personal time and carve out opportunities for you two to have YOU time. Continue to work on your relationship outside of the children. Too many marriages end because after the kids are gone, the couple look at each other and realize they are different people no longer in love. Take care of your kids and family, but also take of your and your wife's relationship just as vigorously!!
You two will figure out the Wade thing. Personally I would keep him at arm's length right now. You just don't need that distraction hanging around the house right now. Perhaps as your family gets established you can introduce him as your good friend 'Uncle Wade'.

But in the mean time all the best wishes and good thoughts to you, your wife, and your growing family for good health and great times together. I look forward to following your story and you and your wife's evolving relationship.

[Ky_Da]

Ky, I've been following your red hot, but tender, story from the very beginning.
Congratulations on the birth of your twin boys. Having gone through the birth of three children, I know how emotionally invested you get during the pregnancy, both growing closer to your wife and looking forward to the birth of your children. To be thrown the curve ball you had to deal with is a real game stopper, and as you said, emotional punch to the stomach.
But as you said, you and your wife knew this was an outside chance. All through your story you and your wife have struck me as being incredibly level headed and realistic in your approach to this lifestyle. Even during the craziest times, when she was living with Wade, him taking her to Vegas, having her change her look for him, the piercings, etc., there was a clear sense that she never lost sight of her connection to you and your relationship. That what she got out of this kink wasn't just big cock but the fun of pushing your buttons. This seems born out by the discussion you two had recently in bed.

I'm sure the lifestyle will fade into the background for a while. That seems to be the way things go in other relationships on this forum. And it should. Your boys should be the total focus of your lives right now and the foreseeable future. And if you have another child in the next couple of years that may delay your re entry into the lifestyle longer. However nothing says your beautiful wife can't find some strange cock on a girls night out, or you set up a well deserved long weekend away where you two can play, or she rekindles a redefined relationship with Wade as you all get older. But I'm sure the last thing she wants right now is anything going near her pussy.

However, don't let the crazy times with your new babies keep you two from reconnecting and staying connected emotionally and physically. There are times you both will need to be selfish with your personal time and carve out opportunities for you two to have YOU time. Continue to work on your relationship outside of the children. Too many marriages end because after the kids are gone, the couple look at each other and realize they are different people no longer in love. Take care of your kids and family, but also take of your and your wife's relationship just as vigorously!!
You two will figure out the Wade thing. Personally I would keep him at arm's length right now. You just don't need that distraction hanging around the house right now. Perhaps as your family gets established you can introduce him as your good friend 'Uncle Wade'.

But in the mean time all the best wishes and good thoughts to you, your wife, and your growing family for good health and great times together. I look forward to following your story and you and your wife's evolving relationship.

Thank you Mundyman! And it’s solid advise on making sure my wife and I take time for each other. We intend to follow it—someday soon. Thanks again for the good wishes.

[NC-hotwife-hubby]

A transgender just might work for you ky.
A women with boobs check for you
and a dick check for your wife.

[SutterKane]

Ky, I know that you're working through a lot and due to Jannie being kind of overwhelmed, sex is mostly off the table, have you thought of maybe writing a story for the Library? You're a top notch writer, as you have more than shown, you could channel some of that current sexual frustration and kinky need into a story? Wouldn't have to be about what you and Jammie have done before, hell, doesn't even have to be about you and Jammie! Just something that scratches that twisted itch under your skin, that gives you an outlet for those sexual demons that are wiggling around in your brain. Write us a story and put them demons to good use!
Best wishes,
Sutter

[Ky_Da]

Ky, I know that you're working through a lot and due to Jannie being kind of overwhelmed, sex is mostly off the table, have you thought of maybe writing a story for the Library? You're a top notch writer, as you have more than shown, you could channel some of that current sexual frustration and kinky need into a story? Wouldn't have to be about what you and Jammie have done before, hell, doesn't even have to be about you and Jammie! Just something that scratches that twisted itch under your skin, that gives you an outlet for those sexual demons that are wiggling around in your brain. Write us a story and put them demons to good use!
Best wishes,
Sutter

You know, I think I like that idea. I’ve never written a story before, but something about the idea is very appealing. And you’re absolutely right, not much sex going on around our house. Correction, there is no sex going on at my house right now. Which is fine. It’s expected. I might just do that. It’d be easy to brainstorm up a story while I’m on dad duties.

[subtoall]

You know, I think I like that idea. I’ve never written a story before, but something about the idea is very appealing. And you’re absolutely right, not much sex going on around our house. Correction, there is no sex going on at my house right now. Which is fine. It’s expected. I might just do that. It’d be easy to brainstorm up a story while I’m on dad duties.

[sabya167]

You know, I think I like that idea. I’ve never written a story before, but something about the idea is very appealing. And you’re absolutely right, not much sex going on around our house. Correction, there is no sex going on at my house right now. Which is fine. It’s expected. I might just do that. It’d be easy to brainstorm up a story while I’m on dad duties.

+1

[vmb69]

Ky, I know that you're working through a lot and due to Jannie being kind of overwhelmed, sex is mostly off the table, have you thought of maybe writing a story for the Library? You're a top notch writer, as you have more than shown, you could channel some of that current sexual frustration and kinky need into a story? Wouldn't have to be about what you and Jammie have done before, hell, doesn't even have to be about you and Jammie! Just something that scratches that twisted itch under your skin, that gives you an outlet for those sexual demons that are wiggling around in your brain. Write us a story and put them demons to good use!
Best wishes,
Sutter

You know, I think I like that idea. I’ve never written a story before, but something about the idea is very appealing. And you’re absolutely right, not much sex going on around our house. Correction, there is no sex going on at my house right now. Which is fine. It’s expected. I might just do that. It’d be easy to brainstorm up a story while I’m on dad duties.

Perfect to put that cock cage back on, I'm sure that would really cheer up your wife, not as much as her watching you give head or give your arse virginity. But perfect since after give birth sex is going to be a while.

[SutterKane]

Ky, if you haven't yet, try reading Don Jetman's stories in the library! Start from the first and work to his latest. He's up at the top with xleg in skills as a writer. I think you could be the up there with them. You're that good!

[Ky_Da]

A transgender just might work for you ky.
A women with boobs check for you
and a dick check for your wife.

[Ky_Da]

Ky, if you haven't yet, try reading Don Jetman's stories in the library! Start from the first and work to his latest. He's up at the top with xleg in skills as a writer. I think you could be the up there with them. You're that good!

Thanks for the idea and the encouragement. I've been brainstorming up an idea and even begun to sketch out an outline--I'm an engineer, of course I have to have an outline, haha. Stay tuned for the adventures of Quinton and Samantha, lol. I don't know. I've got some work to do to create some good characters. But i'm having fun thinking of story lines. I think this is going to be the thing that saves me while I'm going through the desert of sexual abstinence.

[Rover68uk]

Hi Ky/Jamie
And first of all HUGE CONGRATULATIONS
Certainly a momentous, thrilling, scarey, loving, anxious and so many other words....moment. no matter who the who provided that little sperm.
The fact is you and Jamie went into this as a loving couple, you played "the game" as a couple as something that boosted your marriage and your love for one another. It was a game of chance, but one played within your marriage, and now YOU are mum & dad and now most importantly, and something that so many of us love, and so many would do anything for.....YOU ARE A FAMILY.

The sleepless nights the ups and downs are indeed tough but you will look back on them with fondeness in a few years as you see the twins running around the house or jumping on the bed at 5am on Christmas mornings.
I also recall the emotional trials of breastfeeding, my wife questioning whether she was doing it right, was she looking after herself, was she looking after baby, fore milk, hind milk, too short, too long. Can you ever really be prepare for the maelstrom that is new parenthood...lol
So Congrats again :-D
Love the twins, love one another, love being a family and a huge thanks for your continuing to check in with us. After all we have no real right or even expectation to be allowed such a personal glimpse of your lives.
Much respect to you all
R

[SutterKane]

Ky, I look forward to reading the finished work!

[Bayless]

Good Afternoon Ky,

My thoughts go back a week or so in regard to the news that your two wonderful twins share a heredity link to Wade. It brings up the age old study and discussion revolving around Nature vs Nurture and the impact upon child development, mostly in the study of twins. Obviously the Nature link targets the importance of the gene inheritance, while the Nurture approach emphasizes the environment that the child is raised in, parental influence, experience, etc. The Nurture route puts a very important responsibility on the parents, a responsibility that both you and Jamie are especially well qualified for due to your native intelligence, educational background, communication skills, and work ethic.

Someone, with tongue in cheek, once said that “Nature was more important before the birth, but Nurture was more important after the birth!”

This is not a complete academic view of this topic, but as someone who has shared a similar biological situation, I am so proud of how the Nurturing influence has paid off for us.

You can do this. You have all the skills. The “all nighters” will soon be over. Keep your goal in mind. Visualize what it will look like when you look at it twenty years from now.

[norbertrichard]

Ky, I'm so glad that you and yours are doing well, and Jamie delivered to you two more healthy loves in your life. You are their father, don't ever doubt that for a second, biology has nothing to do with it. You, and your loving wife, and your two sons are the family that will substain you the rest of your life. Those two boys will never let anyone challenge their love and devotion for you, your their DAD, and the MAN, don't ever doubt it. I raised a adopted baby girl , to a grown woman, and she was well aware of her origin, and the fact that she had siblings, by her bio mom, but till the day that she died, I was her DAD, and she is my daughter till my passing. Tough decission about Wade, handle with care. God bless youguys.

[SutterKane]

Ky, I'm so glad that you and yours are doing well, and Jamie delivered to you two more healthy loves in your life. You are their father, don't ever doubt that for a second, biology has nothing to do with it. You, and your loving wife, and your two sons are the family that will substain you the rest of your life. Those two boys will never let anyone challenge their love and devotion for you, your their DAD, and the MAN, don't ever doubt it. I raised a adopted baby girl , to a grown woman, and she was well aware of her origin, and the fact that she had siblings, by her bio mom, but till the day that she died, I was her DAD, and she is my daughter till my passing. Tough decission about Wade, handle with care. God bless youguys.

Norbert, this is one of the nicest and most thoughtful things I've ever seen you post! Good on you!
Best wishes,
Sutter

[Ky_Da]

Ky, I'm so glad that you and yours are doing well, and Jamie delivered to you two more healthy loves in your life. You are their father, don't ever doubt that for a second, biology has nothing to do with it. You, and your loving wife, and your two sons are the family that will substain you the rest of your life. Those two boys will never let anyone challenge their love and devotion for you, your their DAD, and the MAN, don't ever doubt it. I raised a adopted baby girl , to a grown woman, and she was well aware of her origin, and the fact that she had siblings, by her bio mom, but till the day that she died, I was her DAD, and she is my daughter till my passing. Tough decission about Wade, handle with care. God bless youguys.

Thank you norbertrichard. Thanks for sharing what you did. I imagine that must have been painful to raise a daughter and have to see her pass. It's amazing how fast these little ones become part of us.

[Ky_Da]

Hey all,

Another sincere thank you to all for the kind words of support and wisdom. I'm grateful for that. As some have noticed, I started a fictional story in the Library titled, How Way Leads On To Way. I busted out a few chapters pretty quick, and I hope to find time to write today. I was getting a little carried away and got an earful yesterday when I was writing while the boys were crying and my wife was trying to take a nap. She was not happy.

Someday I imagine we'll return and play the game some more, but for now, I'm living vicariously through the lives of Quinton and Samantha. Please take a look at the story and feel free to leave any comments you wish. Later...