Needing advice for a decision

[motivated hubby]

If any ladies on here would mind giving their insight either in the forum thread or private message if you don’t wish to post it in public. My wife and I have been in the lifestyle on and off for seven years. More often than on since she has a difficult time finding a man that she really wants to be involved in this lifestyle with.

When I first brought up the lifestyle to her, typically of course she was against it for the normal reasons, but she started to warm to the idea and she said that she could really only do this if there were someone that she felt a real emotional connection with. She did not want to just hook up or just meet for sex. She really liked the idea of having just one other man in her life but she said that she really needed to feel something for him in a long term relationship. I asked her if she felt that she would like to develop something special with just one other man, a real caring relationship and if she would ultimately like to fall in love with that man. She looked at me and said that that would be really the only way that she could do this because she couldn’t be intimate with someone that she didn’t care about or have feelings for.

Yes I understand all of the warnings and pitfalls and negative things that can happen from this kind of relationship. But we have talked so very many times and she has assured me that she loves me and there is no way that she will ever leave me. Yes I know there is always the chance. So thank you for the Advice about that. But we are past that and totally secure in our relationship and marriage.

She has been involved in a loving and caring relationship with her boyfriend now for over two years. He is also married but his wife is handicapped and a bit incapacitated due to a stroke. He still loves her and will never leave or stop taking care of her but he needed to feel the love and compassion and physical intimacy again, so that is why he sought out a relationship outside.

I’m sorry for the novel to read, but I thought a bit of background might help with any insight that may be given. My wife and I are very much in love and so are her and her lover. My wife approached me the other night with the request of of course she reiterated that she never wants to leave me, Our marriage is rocksolid, and she still wishes to have intimacy with me, but she wanted to know if if I truly loved her enough to give her one special gift. She wanted to know if I would give up my right as her husband to penetrate her during intimacy and yield that right strictly to some thing special that was shared strictly between her and her lover. She told me that she still needed intimacy with me and still wanted oral sex from me on her and she wish to still be able to lay naked with me and kiss and cuddle and touch each other and kiss and rub on me while I masturbate. She said that she and her lover had talked about things and since I came first in her heart and he second, and since it was my ring on her finger forever but maybe the two of them could have just one special thing that was shared strictly between them and that would be the intimacy of penetration. I told her that I would think about it and she understood. She said that she would understand and except whatever decision I made and that he would as well.

Her lover and I are not best friends, but we are friends and text and talk and even hang out on occasion. I called him earlier and asked him about this and he pretty much reiterated all of the same things and reasonings for this as she said to me. He also said that with all due respect that I am her husband and always will be and that my blessing their love and relationship with this one act of selflessness that it would be the ultimate gift that I could be still up on them and that it would simply be the one special thing that the two of them share exclusively together. I am paraphrasing the conversation to condense it a bit.

I researched online this website and others about this and I seemed to find the same reasoning with and conclusions, but many of them were not written by the wife herself. It seems I found the popular consensus to be that a woman is very much capable of loving more than one man at the same time. It seems to stem from the motherly instinct that if a woman has one child she loves that child with all of her heart, but if she has a second child, she doesn’t take any love away from the first to give it to the second, her heart just grows that much more to accommodate them both. So it seems like that a wife is very much more than capable of loving more than one man with all her heart at the same time. However I further read that most women in this type of relationship, seem to have difficulty in excepting more than one man in their life inside of them, they seem to have difficulty letting more than one man penetrate them, I don’t mean a prism, I mean just every day life, they have a hard time, Sharing their bodies with more than one man in this type of relationship where the woman is in love with more than one man. At least that seem to be the popular consensus that I read.

My question to the waves on here especially any of those who are in a relationship with just one other man that includes the emotional connection and love and caring, it’s what I read some thing that makes sense and have you felt it as well? Do you ever feel like you would like to only have one man penetrate you, but not the other, but love both with all of your heart? If you have any insight to give in regards to this, please let me know. I plan on giving my wife my decision in the next couple days.

Apologies for anyone who may be offended at the crudeness or words are used in this post. I just really needed to get this point across and didn’t exactly know how else to word things. So apologies in advance if any ladies were offended by any of this. Thank you very much for reading and I look forward to your replies.

[CurvyNerdMILF]

I don’t think that you need to apologize at all for such a heartfelt question and personally challenging situation.

I have not been in the lifestyle for long. I was a solo nonmonogamist before marriage. I fully believe that you can love and even be in love with multiple people at the same time.

However, when I read stories in the cuckold section or allusions elsewhere to situations where the husband is not allowed to penetrate their wife, my heart hurts. In fact, to have a hard limit on any specific sexual act between the husband and Hotwife makes me sad because it is an infringement of intimacy. I know other people are wired differently in terms of their kinks and how the distinguish between lover and life partner. However, I would really try to work on something they can share that is less of a burden for you and doesn’t diminish your connection to your wife.

My two cents.

[motivated hubby]

I don’t think that you need to apologize at all for such a heartfelt question and personally challenging situation.

I have not been in the lifestyle for long. I was a solo nonmonogamist before marriage. I fully believe that you can love and even be in love with multiple people at the same time.

However, when I read stories in the cuckold section or allusions elsewhere to situations where the husband is not allowed to penetrate their wife, my heart hurts. In fact, to have a hard limit on any specific sexual act between the husband and Hotwife makes me sad because it is an infringement of intimacy. I know other people are wired differently in terms of their kinks and how the distinguish between lover and life partner. However, I would really try to work on something they can share that is less of a burden for you and doesn’t diminish your connection to your wife.

My two cents.

Thank you so very much for that understanding and heartfelt reply. It is so very nice that you took the time to post that for me. This is the exact reason why I posted this message here, to gain insight from ladies involved in the lifestyle on here. You were concerned for our intimacy warms my heart. It is so very nice to find that the members on here actually care about others rather than it just be about sexual pleasure like many other sites turn out to be.

Since my wife and her lover began the relationship, our penetrative sex began to diminish overtime, not because of anything she said or did nor anything I said or did,. It’s strange, it seems like it just naturally started to diminish. We still have a very loving and intimate evenings together but it has slowly evolved into more lying naked and kissing and cuddling holding each other, mind performing oral upon her and then she and I are focusing together on my masturbation. It just seems to have evolved that way but we would still have penetrated intercourse on rare occasions even though it has not been in several months now. Last night was the first night we were going to or at least intended to until she brought up the idea of that becoming something exclusive between just her and her lover.

I know that she still very much is in love with me and loves her very much our intimate times that we do have together. It seems that our love and closeness and intimacy during those times has very much grown stronger since her relationship started with her boyfriend. intimacy exist between her and her lover exclusively. But I just wanted to get input from the ladies on here who are in the lifestyle and who are in a relationship with a lover just to find out if this is common place or a unique situation. are there any waves on here in an exclusive relationship with one man who still have a healthy relationship and marriage with their husband that just consists of the intimacy with him being everything but penetration?

[Farmgirl]

I'm not in the one-man exclusive arrangement that you mention. I have a few long-term lovers with one being very regular (1-3 times a week). I do love them, but I wouldn't consider being exclusive in penetration to him.
For me, I want that ultimate act of intimacy (penetration) to be with my husband also. This isn't to say that it won't work for you and your wife, but it carries more risk to the marriage and the bond of the primary couple. Only you and she can decide what is best for you, but you have asked so it seems you are unsure.
Maybe take more time to talk and to think about it, between you and her.

Since the lover has a wife also, what does he give up if he expects you to give up something? Have they mentioned that since they believe you should give up something so they are more of a couple.

[motivated hubby]

I'm not in the one-man exclusive arrangement that you mention. I have a few long-term lovers with one being very regular (1-3 times a week). I do love them, but I wouldn't consider being exclusive in penetration to him.
For me, I want that ultimate act of intimacy (penetration) to be with my husband also. This isn't to say that it won't work for you and your wife, but it carries more risk to the marriage and the bond of the primary couple. Only you and she can decide what is best for you, but you have asked so it seems you are unsure.
Maybe take more time to talk and to think about it, between you and her.

Since the lover has a wife also, what does he give up if he expects you to give up something? Have they mentioned that since they believe you should give up something so they are more of a couple.

Thank you once again for such an honest and open reply and insight. He is married but his wife had early onset of dementia and has been struggling with it for the past three years steadily getting worse as time goes by. He loves her and takes care of her and is with her every day. But he has not had the emotional intimacy and love that he and his wife, or any couple for that matter share in a loving and caring relationship. They have also not been physically intimate in over 2 1/2 years. Sadly, she remembers him, but can’t actually remember getting married. He is actually a very good man, I have talked with him many times and we are even friends, I wouldn’t say were best friends but we have gone to a couple ball games together in the past after they reopened everything from Covid and gone to lunch a few times. He is exceptionally respectful to me and to my wife also. I talked to him about this today and he said that he will respect whatever decision that I make and the final is ultimately up to me. He said he knows that it is the ultimate request that he could make. He said the only logical thing that he could come up with as a reason other than wanting that exclusive part with her would really be just that she is my wife it is my ring on her finger and I always come first in her heart and in her life, he just wanted to have some thing special exclusively with her, just one thing, since I have everything else. But he said regardless of whatever decision I make, that he will respect it and never bring it up again. He assured me that he has no intentions of stealing her from me, nor does he ever wish to change things with his wife. He said that when he said forever to his wife he meant it and he would never think of sticking her in a home, even if he hast to bring in a nurse to help with her as a live-in, he can afford it. That he would because he loves her and wants to be the one to take care of her. He just has the need for feeling the emotional love and physical intimacy again with my wife because he said it breaks his heart every time he looks into her eyes and his wife is almost not there. I know the man very well I know he is a kind hearted person and exceptionally respectful. As far as him giving something up in return, judging from what he is going through in his own life, I wouldn’t ask him to give up a thing as it seems like nature is taking enough from him, but that’s just my feelings About it.

[Farmgirl]

I'm not in the one-man exclusive arrangement that you mention. I have a few long-term lovers with one being very regular (1-3 times a week). I do love them, but I wouldn't consider being exclusive in penetration to him.
For me, I want that ultimate act of intimacy (penetration) to be with my husband also. This isn't to say that it won't work for you and your wife, but it carries more risk to the marriage and the bond of the primary couple. Only you and she can decide what is best for you, but you have asked so it seems you are unsure.
Maybe take more time to talk and to think about it, between you and her.

Since the lover has a wife also, what does he give up if he expects you to give up something? Have they mentioned that since they believe you should give up something so they are more of a couple.

Thank you once again for such an honest and open reply and insight. He is married but his wife had early onset of dementia and has been struggling with it for the past three years steadily getting worse as time goes by. He loves her and takes care of her and is with her every day. But he has not had the emotional intimacy and love that he and his wife, or any couple for that matter share in a loving and caring relationship. They have also not been physically intimate in over 2 1/2 years. Sadly, she remembers him, but can’t actually remember getting married. He is actually a very good man, I have talked with him many times and we are even friends, I wouldn’t say were best friends but we have gone to a couple ball games together in the past after they reopened everything from Covid and gone to lunch a few times. He is exceptionally respectful to me and to my wife also. I talked to him about this today and he said that he will respect whatever decision that I make and the final is ultimately up to me. He said he knows that it is the ultimate request that he could make. He said the only logical thing that he could come up with as a reason other than wanting that exclusive part with her would really be just that she is my wife it is my ring on her finger and I always come first in her heart and in her life, he just wanted to have some thing special exclusively with her, just one thing, since I have everything else. But he said regardless of whatever decision I make, that he will respect it and never bring it up again. He assured me that he has no intentions of stealing her from me, nor does he ever wish to change things with his wife. He said that when he said forever to his wife he meant it and he would never think of sticking her in a home, even if he hast to bring in a nurse to help with her as a live-in, he can afford it. That he would because he loves her and wants to be the one to take care of her. He just has the need for feeling the emotional love and physical intimacy again with my wife because he said it breaks his heart every time he looks into her eyes and his wife is almost not there. I know the man very well I know he is a kind hearted person and exceptionally respectful. As far as him giving something up in return, judging from what he is going through in his own life, I wouldn’t ask him to give up a thing as it seems like nature is taking enough from him, but that’s just my feelings About it.

I still believe the "ask" is too much, but ultimately it's not my business beyond the warning I have.

[motivated hubby]

I'm not in the one-man exclusive arrangement that you mention. I have a few long-term lovers with one being very regular (1-3 times a week). I do love them, but I wouldn't consider being exclusive in penetration to him.
For me, I want that ultimate act of intimacy (penetration) to be with my husband also. This isn't to say that it won't work for you and your wife, but it carries more risk to the marriage and the bond of the primary couple. Only you and she can decide what is best for you, but you have asked so it seems you are unsure.
Maybe take more time to talk and to think about it, between you and her.

Since the lover has a wife also, what does he give up if he expects you to give up something? Have they mentioned that since they believe you should give up something so they are more of a couple.

Thank you once again for such an honest and open reply and insight. He is married but his wife had early onset of dementia and has been struggling with it for the past three years steadily getting worse as time goes by. He loves her and takes care of her and is with her every day. But he has not had the emotional intimacy and love that he and his wife, or any couple for that matter share in a loving and caring relationship. They have also not been physically intimate in over 2 1/2 years. Sadly, she remembers him, but can’t actually remember getting married. He is actually a very good man, I have talked with him many times and we are even friends, I wouldn’t say were best friends but we have gone to a couple ball games together in the past after they reopened everything from Covid and gone to lunch a few times. He is exceptionally respectful to me and to my wife also. I talked to him about this today and he said that he will respect whatever decision that I make and the final is ultimately up to me. He said he knows that it is the ultimate request that he could make. He said the only logical thing that he could come up with as a reason other than wanting that exclusive part with her would really be just that she is my wife it is my ring on her finger and I always come first in her heart and in her life, he just wanted to have some thing special exclusively with her, just one thing, since I have everything else. But he said regardless of whatever decision I make, that he will respect it and never bring it up again. He assured me that he has no intentions of stealing her from me, nor does he ever wish to change things with his wife. He said that when he said forever to his wife he meant it and he would never think of sticking her in a home, even if he hast to bring in a nurse to help with her as a live-in, he can afford it. That he would because he loves her and wants to be the one to take care of her. He just has the need for feeling the emotional love and physical intimacy again with my wife because he said it breaks his heart every time he looks into her eyes and his wife is almost not there. I know the man very well I know he is a kind hearted person and exceptionally respectful. As far as him giving something up in return, judging from what he is going through in his own life, I wouldn’t ask him to give up a thing as it seems like nature is taking enough from him, but that’s just my feelings About it.

I still believe the "ask" is too much, but ultimately it's not my business beyond the warning I have.

Thank you so very much for your insight and your feelings on this. I have not yet made up my mind, and please don’t think for a minute but I am not considering any and all advice or insight that you or anyone else is willing to give me. I appreciate so very much people taking the time for the benefit of others like myself. I truly feel at times that this forum is like support group that I value so very much. Thank you again and any other opinions or insight are welcome to and will be considered.

[CurvyNerdMILF]

I hear so much compassion from you for this man, and he truly is in a vulnerable place. I have known others in a similar situation, and it can be very painful. However, unless you want to welcome him as a third into your marriage, you and your wife shouldn’t make any “forever” or permanent promises to anyone other than each other. I rarely say what people should and shouldn’t do, but I hear your caring nature being taken advantage of in a manner that will at some point blow up in everyone’s faces. At some point, his wife will die. And the lead-up will be awful. But then he will be free. Would you be willing to let your wife be with him at that point? What if you want to have penetrative sex with someone—are you allowed to seek satisfaction elsewhere? No relationship choice like this should be permanent. If they are talking forever, then you may not be in the picture they imagine.

[36DDwife]

I hear so much compassion from you for this man, and he truly is in a vulnerable place. I have known others in a similar situation, and it can be very painful. However, unless you want to welcome him as a third into your marriage, you and your wife shouldn’t make any “forever” or permanent promises to anyone other than each other. I rarely say what people should and shouldn’t do, but I hear your caring nature being taken advantage of in a manner that will at some point blow up in everyone’s faces. At some point, his wife will die. And the lead-up will be awful. But then he will be free. Would you be willing to let your wife be with him at that point? What if you want to have penetrative sex with someone—are you allowed to seek satisfaction elsewhere? No relationship choice like this should be permanent. If they are talking forever, then you may not be in the picture they imagine.

As a guy....I think CurvynerdMILF is spot on.

[2inUPMichigan]

I've been trying to find the right words for you but I'm just going to be as honest as I can.

I am uncomfortable with the way this was presented to you.

[[she wanted to know if if I truly loved her enough to give her one special gift. She wanted to know if I would give up my right as her husband to penetrate her during intimacy and yield that right strictly to some thing special that was shared strictly between her and her love]]

So if you "loved her enough" you would do this for her?
If she "loved you enough" would she ask?

Is there really no other special thing that the two of them share that they can reserve just for them? Does it have to be all PIV sex which in effect takes something away from and changes your marriage, the primary relationship.

Just to clarify - you mentioned she had a stroke and you also mentioned dementia. Can you specify which it is?

I have some more thoughts on his behavior but I'll leave it at that for now.

[AZLady]

I’m not in the lifestyle and haven’t been but there is no way I would grant this to her, if I were you. If my husband and I don’t share lovemaking I feel further away from him emotionally. Less in love. I think you’re asking for trouble. Let us know what you decide.

[motivated hubby]

I've been trying to find the right words for you but I'm just going to be as honest as I can.

I am uncomfortable with the way this was presented to you.

[[she wanted to know if if I truly loved her enough to give her one special gift. She wanted to know if I would give up my right as her husband to penetrate her during intimacy and yield that right strictly to some thing special that was shared strictly between her and her love]]

So if you "loved her enough" you would do this for her?
If she "loved you enough" would she ask?

Is there really no other special thing that the two of them share that they can reserve just for them? Does it have to be all PIV sex which in effect takes something away from and changes your marriage, the primary relationship.

Just to clarify - you mentioned she had a stroke and you also mentioned dementia. Can you specify which it is?

I have some more thoughts on his behavior but I'll leave it at that for now.

Thank you for your insight, truly wanna know I appreciate this immensely. His wife actually had a stroke and the doctors believe that caused the early onset of dementia. She still has use of all of her faculties, but it has affected her memory which is just getting worse over the past three years. I know that he isn’t making this up because I have seen their online profiles for Facebook which talks all about it. The previous poster asked a question, after his wife passes away, will we welcome him into our marriage? I’m not quite certain what that means, but I really don’t think he would want to move into our home with us. I really appreciate all of the insight and opinions. Believing all of your kind words to be given for supportive and caring reasons without any doubt. I am just in such a quandary over this because I love my wife so very much and I know that she doesn’t wish to hurt me and I know that she does not wish to leave me either. Before anyone says anything, I know that everything is always able to be changed, but I really truly believe her when she says that we are soulmates and she is never going to leave. I just really want to give her the world, I just don’t know if I am ready to give this one thing. If it were any other man aside from him I wouldn’t even consider it, so I still have a lot of thinking to do and I will be reading all of your posts over the next few days and I will be reading anyone else’s posts who cares to give insight as well. I know that the final decision to do this or not to is up to me. But please one and all know that you are all helping at least in some way for me to be forming my ultimate decision for this. I’m just curious, is there anyone on here wife or husband who is actually in the lifestyle like I have described where the wife has one love her and she and her husband are still very much in love but he no longer penetrates her but still has physical intimacy and other ways? I was thinking possibly that this type of arrangement was a bit more prevalent in the lifestyle just to at least get insight from one person on here who has had experience in this lifestyle dynamic like I described, positive or negative aspects of it. But it seems possibly that this is Much more of a unique situation, possibly one that I am getting a bit more reluctance to enter into. Once again thank you to all that have posted and to those who will be.

[motivated hubby]

Just in case anyone is curious, I just talked with my wife and I told her then I would have a decision for her by next weekend. She totally understood and told me that she would standby whatever decision that I made she once again told me that she loved me and came up and just held me for a while. She also told me after we kissed that I am and will always be her knight in shining armor no matter what I decide. That was always sort of her pet name for me because no matter what problems may have been going on, I always seemed to come riding in and save the day as she always says. So I have a lot of thinking, and a lot of your posts to re-read and possibly even new ones if anyone cares to share anymore as well. Thank you all once again for letting me open up this part of my life to you all. You all truly are my support group.

[motivated hubby]

I’ve reread some of the post that I made and I just wanted to clarify a few things because they seem to sound a little bit like I was painting my wife in a negative light or that perhaps she was selfish person. She is actually the most caring and giving person I’ve ever met, she has always been there for me through the good times, the bad times, and even the really bad times. She’s never left my side. She always picks me up when I’m down, when my best friend passed away, the only time she ever left my side was to use the bathroom. Other than that she was stuck like glue to me and always just holding me or talking to me about anything and everything that came into our heads. I work in construction and have a bit of arthritis in my hands. And every night she feels the bowl of hot water brings it over for me to soak my hands and then she proceeds to rub warm lotion in to my joints as we sit and watch Andy Griffith reruns together. She really is my best friend and she tells me all the time that I am hers as well. I know I didn’t need to post this, but it would truly break my heart if anyone were to think poorly of her because of anything that I posted in here. I know I posted earlier that she always calls me her knight in shining armor, but to be honest she is mine as well. Thank you all for reading this.

[36DDwife]

There’s a couple of things I’d like to point out. It seems that your wife has the worldview that sex = love...meaning that she has to love someone before having sex with them. Thus her need for an emotional attachment to the other man. And your wife sounds like a good person. So good that she’s trying to please everyone. When you do that you wind up pleasing no one. Will you still be the knight in shining armor when his wife dies & she feels the maternal need to swoop in & save him from all of his heartache & despair? And can’t be there for you because “he needs me!” and expects you to understand & agree? How would that make you feel?

Whose idea was it for you & your wife to stop having PIV sex? Hers or his?
If you agree to this, what will they ask you to give up next?

[Wistful]

Motivated Hubby,

You've related that over time PIV sex with your wife has already been diminishing, perhaps now only once every other month or so. And it has been diminishing organically, at no one's particular insistence. And you and your wife have seemingly been replacing PIV with alternate intimacies you are enjoying.

I wonder if you are giving up much if you do agree to a formalized arrangement of no PIV with your wife. I have zero experience here, and do not wish to pretend otherwise, but you seem to WANT to offer this to your wife and her lover.

Might you agree to the arrangement only on a trial basis, see how it goes for awhile? Reserve the option to cancel the plan if it becomes unworkable for you, or if you feel your marriage is suffering. Or would that just defeat the whole concept immediately, an non-starter for them.

[motivated hubby]

There’s a couple of things I’d like to point out. It seems that your wife has the worldview that sex = love...meaning that she has to love someone before having sex with them. Thus her need for an emotional attachment to the other man. And your wife sounds like a good person. So good that she’s trying to please everyone. When you do that you wind up pleasing no one. Will you still be the knight in shining armor when his wife dies & she feels the maternal need to swoop in & save him from all of his heartache & despair? And can’t be there for you because “he needs me!” and expects you to understand & agree? How would that make you feel?

Whose idea was it for you & your wife to stop having PIV sex? Hers or his?
If you agree to this, what will they ask you to give up next?

I would understand if she needed to be there during his time of need and if his wife passed away. I shutter at the thought to even have to consider that a reality. But of course I would still need her to be my wife still and be there with me. I really don’t believe that she would neglect me or our marriage, but I will understand the temporary need to be there for him. As for your other question, it was evidently their combined thoughts for this, perhaps even a bit more hers for the reasoning I listed that she had told me about any earlier post. As for giving up anything else,I really wouldn’t want to give up anything else.

[motivated hubby]

Motivated Hubby,

You've related that over time PIV sex with your wife has already been diminishing, perhaps now only once every other month or so. And it has been diminishing organically, at no one's particular insistence. And you and your wife have seemingly been replacing PIV with alternate intimacies you are enjoying.

I wonder if you are giving up much if you do agree to a formalized arrangement of no PIV with your wife. I have zero experience here, and do not wish to pretend otherwise, but you seem to WANT to offer this to your wife and her lover.

Might you agree to the arrangement only on a trial basis, see how it goes for awhile? Reserve the option to cancel the plan if it becomes unworkable for you, or if you feel your marriage is suffering. Or would that just defeat the whole concept immediately, an non-starter for them.

It’s not that I relish in the thought of never penetrating my wife again or PIV, I am learning is the accepted acronym for this particular pleasure, I would love to give her this gift but I don’t know if I am capable I’m doing a sale. That’s the quandary I am in.

As far as the trial basis, the reason she said that she wanted whatever decision I made to be permanent is because early on when we started into the hot wife lifestyle, typical with my husbands early on I had strong cases of angst as things were just about to happen in the early part of this and I pulled the plug right before things were going to happen. This happened twice. The third time I brought this up, she said that she couldn’t take me wanting this and her starting to get into it and finding someone, then me flip-flopping and pulling the rug out from it so she, said that from now on any decisions made as far as this lifestyle goes would have to be permanent because she couldn’t take dealing with the constant flip-flop of me wanting this and then at the last minute pulling the plug and stopping things. I completely understand, the constant flip-flop was driving me nuts as well, but after I finally went through with it the first time, things were so incredibly easy. Not that angst doesn’t happen a little bit on occasion but it does with every husband in this lifestyle. But I can totally see why she wanted me to thoroughly think out every decision before making one considering that I was the first one to bring up the idea of this lifestyle to her. She was perfectly content without it, but slowly entered into it so my frustrations became hers with the angst and she said that from now on she really wanted all decisions to be final and for me to thoroughly think everything out before making one and make sure that I could handle whatever decisions I made that would be final. So there really is no trial basis for this, based on the agreement we made a long time ago that any decisions would be thought out completely and final.

[dickhurts472]

dude;
your wife has already crossed that invisible line that holds all couples together.

you are playing with fire, here. you have already given her "that special gift" by allowing her to have a relationship him.

i'm curious how much time they are spending together. where do the go? out in public for dinners & dancing or are they meeting in hotel rooms?

sound to me like you are already not having intercourse. once every two months sound like she has already planted the seed.

good luck, you're going to need it when his wife passes.

[Observer1931]

I never posted here because felt you were asking lady's thought. I go with those that cast doubts going with their request. As UP brought up does she love you enough to even ask for such a request? I even question that OP would expect that. A very selfish request to me. I also (if I remember) she brought it up just as you were going to penetrate her. Seems strange.

[motivated hubby]

dude;
your wife has already crossed that invisible line that holds all couples together.

you are playing with fire, here. you have already given her "that special gift" by allowing her to have a relationship him.

i'm curious how much time they are spending together. where do the go? out in public for dinners & dancing or are they meeting in hotel rooms?
They go out to dinner, no dancing, they typically meet at a hotel room since we have a younger son who lives with us so it prevents him really from coming over to our house for anything more than just coming over to have a barbecue and to play horseshoes in the backyard. Our son is totally off-limits to knowing anything about this lifestyle so when he comes over everything is strictly platonic and just friendship. But normally it’s motel meetings.

sound to me like you are already not having intercourse. once every two months sound like she has already planted the seed.

good luck, you're going to need it when his wife passes.

[motivated hubby]

dude;
your wife has already crossed that invisible line that holds all couples together.

you are playing with fire, here. you have already given her "that special gift" by allowing her to have a relationship him.

i'm curious how much time they are spending together. where do the go? out in public for dinners & dancing or are they meeting in hotel rooms?

sound to me like you are already not having intercourse. once every two months sound like she has already planted the seed.

good luck, you're going to need it when his wife passes.

They go out to dinner, no dancing, they typically meet at a hotel room since we have a younger son who lives with us so it prevents him really from coming over to our house for anything more than just coming over to have a barbecue and to play horseshoes in the backyard. Our son is totally off-limits to knowing anything about this lifestyle so when he comes over everything is strictly platonic and just friendship. But normally it’s motel meetings.

[motivated hubby]

I never posted here because felt you were asking lady's thought. I go with those that cast doubts going with their request. As UP brought up does she love you enough to even ask for such a request? I even question that OP would expect that. A very selfish request to me. I also (if I remember) she brought it up just as you were going to penetrate her. Seems strange.

She didn’t actually bring it up right at the very moment I was going to penetrate her, but I we were getting into being intimate in bed together when she brought it up

[Observer1931]

Still at a sexual moment. Not at the kitchen table or in family room. Was not a we/us thing but a them moment. Seems like you are trying to protect her. Need to protect your marriage. But all said and done its your call. Good luck.

[anonymister1948]

I would only consider this if I were able to have PIV sex with another woman. Shoe on other foot. It sounds like your wife wants a mono/poly marriage where you're the mono partner and she's poly. You don't have to do much research to see that these types of relationships rarely last. There are people right here on this site who have warned about poly/mono. Fortunately, one mono partner stopped being mono and found other people with whom to have sex. If you don't have that privilege you are indeed giving up something, even if it's only once or so a month.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone warm.
That is EXACTLY what your wife is asking you to do.