Our Hotwives

Let's not get into the whole 'property' or who tells who to do what thing. This is about mutual agreement and consent. This doesn't work unless both parties are fully on board.

So, regardless of previous consent and agreement, if one party decides they no longer want to do it, how does the other react?

Crossposting in the other section to get both sets of opinions.

If I asked my wife to return to monogamy she would say that ship has sailed. We can’t take back what we have done and who we have become. Our relationship now is constructed around her sexual freedom. I can’t take back her freedom. That wouldn’t be love.

That's a tough question. I believe she would but it wouldn't be easy. I'd be asking her to break up with her boyfriend that she loves in addition to giving up the sexual freedom and satisfaction that makes her happy. It would be very selfish of me to ask that of her. The good thing is I can't imagine a reason why I would ever feel like I would need to ask her to stop

Wisher wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:04 am

This doesn't work unless both parties are fully on board.

You’ve made your view plain with this statement so what does it matter what others have decided ?

MsM’s ld

I am sure Mrs TM2 would stop, she has always said, that our marriage and friendship means more than any sexual encounter. She has twice split with long term lovers feeling it was affecting our relationship.

tractorman2 wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 5:57 am

I am sure Mrs TM2 would stop, she has always said, that our marriage and friendship means more than any sexual encounter. She has twice split with long term lovers feeling it was affecting our relationship.

You have a good woman...
not a narcissistic self absorbed typical selfish type that most have.

Be thankful to wake up to her everyday.

MsMsld-1 wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 5:35 am

Wisher wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:04 am

This doesn't work unless both parties are fully on board.

You’ve made your view plain with this statement so what does it matter what others have decided ?

MsM’s ld

MsMsld-1 wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 5:35 am

Wisher wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:04 am

This doesn't work unless both parties are fully on board.

You’ve made your view plain with this statement so what does it matter what others have decided ?

MsM’s ld

Maybe, to have a discussion? Granted, those often turn antagonistic here but it's always worth a try. I often ask myself the same question when reading various threads (on all the forums).

It seems a fairly logical statement. What is a marriage when one person is having multiple sex partners and the other no longer agrees with the behavior or gets any satisfaction from it?

Admittedly, there is an inherent unfairness to it, but it is a complex lifestyle and doesn't neatly fit into a box.

And, let's not hang it all on the often-cited answer.........she started because he wanted it. At some point, she's doing it as much for herself as him.

As was pointed out to me recently in another thread (as if I really needed to be told this Captain Obvious fact), people change their minds.

R_H_NC wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 7:01 am

MsMsld-1 wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 5:35 am

Wisher wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:04 am

This doesn't work unless both parties are fully on board.

You’ve made your view plain with this statement so what does it matter what others have decided ?

MsM’s ld

Maybe, to have a discussion? Granted, those often turn antagonistic here but it's always worth a try. I often ask myself the same question when reading various threads (on all the forums).

It seems a fairly logical statement. What is a marriage when one person is having multiple sex partners and the other no longer agrees with the behavior or gets any satisfaction from it?

Admittedly, there is an inherent unfairness to it, but it is a complex lifestyle and doesn't neatly fit into a box.

And, let's not hang it all on the often-cited answer.........she started because he wanted it. At some point, she's doing it as much for herself as him.

As was pointed out to me recently in another thread (as if I really needed to be told this Captain Obvious fact), people change their minds.

You would be surprised how many people either never meet Captain Obvious, or, on the other hand, perform his functions, and then can't understand why some people don't think they are brilliant. LOL LOL LOL.

As others have observed on other threads, things do change. Goals change. Values change. Even though I'm not even in this lifestyle, even I know enough about it to know that both parties have to be completely on board with it. And that's before it even starts. But once it starts, and after a while, what if those goals and values change on the part of one of the partners?

Then it's another changing situation that the couple has to adapt to. Not much different than changes goals or values in other parts of a marriage...or so I would suppose.

There is no sensible answer to the question as initially phrased without taking into account all of the spouses' relevant experiences prior to the husband asking.

I think I get what the OP is hinting at, which is the anxiety that "control" of the whole marital sex proposition for a particular couple might not be recoverable by either or both of the spouses after the wife gets a taste of what's out there ...

But we don't know the full marital sex proposition that any particular couple was entertaining before she got fucked by someone else - nor how that proposition might have changed since.

For what it's worth - and based on a range of relevant facts and feelings about those facts that she and I communicate about as best we can - my answer is yes.

But I really don't expect that answer to say very much that anyone else could use ...

Absolutely no way would she stop if I asked or begged. It’s gone to far to turn around. She’s completely committed to her lover. He does things to her I have never been capable of providing. In addition I’m too far along in my desire to be feminine. I’ve not had intercourse since January 2019. I’ve only had clean up when he permits it and tells me she’s waiting.

Pauline

The simple answer is no. She would not stop. After we had been in the lifestyle for about five years, she informed me one day that she would never quit even if I asked. It's never been a problem because I've never wanted her to stop. We've been at this going on 40 years. We may age out but so far we're still in the game.

I think the questions needs a little more meat around it. There would be a reason for you to ask her to stop and you would need to sit down and talk it through.
A lot saying no she would not, would need to ask, if your reason(s) where strong enough to threaten divorce (and carry it through) if she carried on would she?
But also spose if given that ultimatum like that maybe your marriage is over anyway.

And...............we have a discussion.

How do you know until it happens?

You think she will stop and she says she will stop, but easier said than done. The question I would ask is what you would do if you asked and she refused.

For us it would be the end of our marriage.

This is a tough question that I don't believe has a right or wrong answer. One thing is for certain...no matter what, the marriage always comes first in this relationship dynamic.

If I asked my wife to stop, she would be hesitant but would ultimately say yes because she knows that my happiness is very important. But on the flip side, to me her happiness is the most important. And her sexual freedom and empowerment she discovered when we started this journey is something I will never want to take away from her.

Luckily I don't ever see a situation where I would decide I want out of this lifestyle. Seeing the sexually free, empowered, confident woman that my wife has become is something out of this world and truly amazing to see.

Yes, she would stop immediatly.

With time we left a lot of rules we had set to make this work for us in the beginning behind, but one will always remain. And it is some kind of basic rule that should apply to all kind of relationships if they are healthy and loving: "Partner first !"

She would stop, we would take time to settle and discuss why I would ask this.

She may or may not but IMHO it’s not a fair question. Once the genie is out of the bottle, it’s unreasonable to expect to put it back in. Why? Because to agree to open the bottle, it requires an emotional openness for the woman, a willingness to allow herself to be intimate with another man. Once that happens,
She should not be expected to be able to “unsee” what she saw. This is not like buying shoes of the wrong size and then returning or exchanging them. You can have some rules or guidelines, but you better be sure from the beginning that the idea itself is acceptable.

I'm confident my wife would end the agreement if asked. She's not super into hotwifing. She and I both like the connection it brings between us so if that wasn't there for me she would 'officially'' agree to stop.

However if our hotwifing understanding ended then I lose the security of not having to worry about what she's up to! Right now she has the green light and knows it excites me to hear about things she does. So she has no reason to - indeed has incentive not to - hide anything from me.

She cheated on me twice in our past nine years before our agreement, and probably would have more had the opportunities lined up. So in a way the question could be asked: "Would your wife not cheat on you if the two of you agreed for her not to?". Not trying to be cynical about relationships. For me the thrill of hotwifing is being able to be completely honest with each other about the nature of her sexual energies.

An unusual question… First off, I can’t imagine why I’d ask KK to stop her hot wife/cuckolding activities. I spent twenty years urging her to do it. KK decides on her own how to exercise her autonomy, including her sexuality. I can’t conceive of a situation, other than fabricated, why I’d make a demand on her to stop.

Were I to make such a request, I can predict it would put KK into a difficult situation; setting aside her needs and interest for some arbitrary issue on my part seems unacceptable.

I'm not sure why no one has stated the obvious. This is a discussion that should have happened BEFORE opening a marriage/relationship. It should have been weighed against the pros and cons of opening. If there was doubt either way, then that's the first sign that maybe this lifestyle isn't for you, and staying in the fantasy world is.

deleted

anonymister1948 wrote: ↑

Sun Dec 05, 2021 1:09 pm

I'm not sure why no one has stated the obvious. This is a discussion that should have happened BEFORE opening a marriage/relationship. It should have been weighed against the pros and cons of opening. If there was doubt either way, then that's the first sign that maybe this lifestyle isn't for you, and staying in the fantasy world is.

I absolutely agree with that. Fantasy should often remain just that. Unfortunately some just aren't as self-aware as they need to be or think they are.

I always take it for granted that discussions took place. To what degree and how much candor was involved is a variable of course.

One fact is that as the saying goes.....'you don't know what you don't know'. You discuss hypotheticals and be as prepared as you think possible but real life has a tendency to throw curve balls at plans.

Yes, you should think it through before. However - you can not always be sure beforehand how you will react on an emotional level once you are in this situation.
And thats is double true for there are other people involved who might not react themself how one thought they would what might cause a problem for you in the first place.

I think there could be more than enough reasons why one would call for a break.

Hannah would never stop, not that I’d want her too. She has always been an extreme person when it comes to sex, especially when it comes to having sex with numerous men.