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Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Thu Jun 13, 2024 7:30 am
by Johnny13
Greetings and well met everyone.
As you can see, this is my first forum topic here, and if it's written in the wrong thread, I apologise and hopefully it will be moved to the right one.
As a start, I am 31 years old, and I am engaged to my lovely partner for about 5 years now.
My fiancee is 40 years old, and we are together for about 6 years.
In the last 2 years, our sexual activity has becoming more and more boring, dull and rare, with us having sex maybe once in 4 to 5 months.
The last week however, I have a high libido surge after reading and watching some very interesting stuff regarding cuckold relationship dynamics and how to start them.
I must admit, I have the cuckolding fetish since I was maybe 19-20 years old, but now, having a stable and loving partner, I want to take the next step and I need all the professional advice I can get.
2 days ago when me and her had sex, I asked her what would she think about adding a sex toy to our bed and she eagerly agreed, so I can say this might be a start.
Now, regarding my questions and advise needed, would it be okay to get her for a start, a present of a realistic dildo, with its shape and size bigger than my penis?
Please excuse me if I have grammar mistakes, as English is not my main language.
Also feel free to ask me about anything I have might forgot in order for you to understand and help me better in my ( hopefully ) new cuckold adventures.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 1:15 am
by luvwives999
Here is how we began, I hope this helps. I asked my fiancé, now wife if I was out of the picture, which of my friends do she thinks she'd be fucking? She didn't hesitate in naming someone, which made me think that she had a desire to actually sleep with him. So while naked, I would ask her if he walked in would she cover up? At first, she said yes, but slowly she admitted that she would allow him to see her naked. From there I asked, if he saw you naked what do you think would happen? She said, I think he'd want to fuck me. Of course, from there I asked if she would let him, and she admitted that yes she would let him. One night at his apartment he went to the bedroom to take a business call. My fiancé said she wanted both of us, and she we ask him or just start? I thought we should ask him, turns out that was the wrong call. So we he got off the phone, I asked him if he would be up for a 3-some. He had no idea that we thought this,and said he didn't think he could do it. Fast forward 3 months after our wedding, and he is over for dinner in our apartment. My wife made sure he didn't turn her down again, and he ended up having her twice that night. I guess he enjoyed it, because for 2 years after that , my wife would go to his apartment once or twice a week and they would fuck without me there. Would have probably gone on longer, but he got transferred out of state.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 1:27 am
by mattyg_2671
Asking her about former partners might start an interesting conversation, especially if you show a lot of interest in the details and ensure she knows it’s hot for you to hear.
Or “I had an interesting dream about you last night which really turned me on.”
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 2:03 am
by wrknman66
I think it has to happen organically. To try and convince or trick your fiancee into this would be a mistake. You have to remember her whole life traditional images have told her that being a faithful wife is the highest standard.
The most important thing is trust and after that honest connection. If she loves and trusts you then with a deeper connection she can feel safe to be honest about her deeper fantasies and what she'd want to explore if she were free sexually. But she may fear your reaction if she ever admitted anything more than she's up for trying sex toys.
That was a good move. Remember if sex is rare and dull and boring for you. It is for her as well.
With my wife I actually had no goal of her cuckolding me nor had I even heard of the term really. It started with a conversation asking her who we knew did she find attractive . To which she said no one countless times. She would always say just me . I really wanted her to feel safe to admit she at least found someone else attractive because she's human and I knew she had to of found someone else attractive.
It wasnot so much I wanted her to find someone attractive. It was more the high of her trusting me enough to be honest but her religious upbringing and her need to live up to her ideal of what a wife should be prevented her from being that open.
I did not push this but occasionally would bring it up. Our sex life was great and we were happy and eventually one night with reluctantance she finally admitted the bosses son who was a salesman for a brick company where she worked was attractive to her( she worked in the office)
She loved men in suits and her wore very nice ones and also really nice colonge.
Once she shared this I little by little got her to open up more until one day her asked her to lunch and he kissed her. The next day I told her to invite him to our house for lunch since they only worked a half day and we lived 10 minutes away.
I made an excuse to not be home or in the area and he fucked her for several hours.
It was the beginning of him fucking her for 9 years. Some incredibly hot encounters and also she struggled and several times put a stop to doing it but she'd go back .
Hopefully with just confessing your desire and sharing honestly that will take you to another level of trust. Once your there and she feels safe you might find she'd be excited to share a new sexual adventure with you
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 5:48 am
by Johnny13
mattyg_2671 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 14, 2024 1:27 am
Asking her about former partners might start an interesting conversation, especially if you show a lot of interest in the details and ensure she knows it’s hot for you to hear.
Or “I had an interesting dream about you last night which really turned me on.”
Very interesting, the one with the dream did not come up to me, but I will play this card when the time is right.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 5:50 am
by Johnny13
wrknman66 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 14, 2024 2:03 am
I think it has to happen organically. To try and convince or trick your fiancee into this would be a mistake. You have to remember her whole life traditional images have told her that being a faithful wife is the highest standard.
The most important thing is trust and after that honest connection. If she loves and trusts you then with a deeper connection she can feel safe to be honest about her deeper fantasies and what she'd want to explore if she were free sexually. But she may fear your reaction if she ever admitted anything more than she's up for trying sex toys.
That was a good move. Remember if sex is rare and dull and boring for you. It is for her as well.
With my wife I actually had no goal of her cuckolding me nor had I even heard of the term really. It started with a conversation asking her who we knew did she find attractive . To which she said no one countless times. She would always say just me . I really wanted her to feel safe to admit she at least found someone else attractive because she's human and I knew she had to of found someone else attractive.
It wasnot so much I wanted her to find someone attractive. It was more the high of her trusting me enough to be honest but her religious upbringing and her need to live up to her ideal of what a wife should be prevented her from being that open.
I did not push this but occasionally would bring it up. Our sex life was great and we were happy and eventually one night with reluctantance she finally admitted the bosses son who was a salesman for a brick company where she worked was attractive to her( she worked in the office)
She loved men in suits and her wore very nice ones and also really nice colonge.
Once she shared this I little by little got her to open up more until one day her asked her to lunch and he kissed her. The next day I told her to invite him to our house for lunch since they only worked a half day and we lived 10 minutes away.
I made an excuse to not be home or in the area and he fucked her for several hours.
It was the beginning of him fucking her for 9 years. Some incredibly hot encounters and also she struggled and several times put a stop to doing it but she'd go back .
Hopefully with just confessing your desire and sharing honestly that will take you to another level of trust. Once your there and she feels safe you might find she'd be excited to share a new sexual adventure with you
This story is so heart warming to read and see that you made it and she did it as well.
Yes, for sure I must be much more honest with her regarding our sexual activities and fantasies, hopefully we will get there as we progress
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 6:23 am
by ucaneffher
The dream scenario is always a popular ice breaker to talk about her having sex with others.
Just tell her you had a dream about her with another man and it's weird that you were turned on by it instead of hurting or upsetting you. Change it around as you please but remember, some dreams are short and not overly detailed.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 6:36 am
by Teensy1
Good advice. But if she’s reluctant, I wouldn’t push it. If she wants to indulge you and herself, it will happen sooner or later.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jun 14, 2024 10:37 pm
by Johnny13
Teensy1 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 14, 2024 6:36 am
Good advice. But if she’s reluctant, I wouldn’t push it. If she wants to indulge you and herself, it will happen sooner or later.
Got it.
So no need to be pushy and insist too much on the subject.
I'll just plant the " seed " in her mind about this and hopefully it will make her think about it
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sat Jun 15, 2024 3:56 am
by Teensy1
That’s the best way. If she decides she wants to do it, she’ll likely be all-in. Maybe more than you anticipated.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sat Jun 15, 2024 4:38 am
by Johnny13
Teensy1 wrote: ↑Sat Jun 15, 2024 3:56 am
That’s the best way. If she decides she wants to do it, she’ll likely be all-in. Maybe more than you anticipated.
May your words be true
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sat Jun 15, 2024 2:52 pm
by mattyg_2671
Teensy1 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 14, 2024 6:36 am
Good advice. But if she’s reluctant, I wouldn’t push it. If she wants to indulge you and herself, it will happen sooner or later.
Yes, and I would say that it seems more likely to be later than sooner in most cases on here, from what I read. So you may need to be patient! I confessed my fantasy to my wife about 4-5 years before she indulged. She would always tell me it was never going to happen and she was sorry that she would never be able to give me my fantasy. It took a while until she was comfortable to introduce it into our pillow talk, and we had 1 or 2 fairly tame adventures with others. When the circumstance arose earlier this year with an old acquaintance she took the plunge (it was her suggestion, and she initiated the contact without my knowledge), and it’s been non-stop ever since, she’s all in and enjoying all aspects of it, including the cuckold part with me. After sex with only me for 30 years, she’s fucked with 4 men this year (most multiple times), is meeting with a 5th for coffee this week and I estimate has had sex approx 50 times since January to my zero. She is absolute animal in bed now. She was always very demure and vanilla but her current lover recently messaged me to say that he has never before met a woman who is both beautiful and absolutely filthy in equal measure!
It seems quite common for wives to take their time over several years, then go a bit cock crazy having “taken the plunge” and realised there is no downside.
My advice is not to push too hard, or too often. Plant the seed, don’t mention it too regularly and let it grow in her head as an idea. She’ll probably come around to wanting to discuss it with you at some point.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sat Jun 15, 2024 2:56 pm
by mattyg_2671
Teensy1 wrote: ↑Fri Jun 14, 2024 6:36 am
Good advice. But if she’s reluctant, I wouldn’t push it. If she wants to indulge you and herself, it will happen sooner or later.
Yes, and I would say that it seems more likely to be later than sooner in most cases on here, from what I read. So you may need to be patient! I confessed my fantasy to my wife about 4-5 years before she indulged. She would always tell me it was never going to happen and she was sorry that she would never be able to give me my fantasy. It took a while until she was comfortable to introduce it into our pillow talk, and we had 1 or 2 fairly tame adventures with others. When the circumstance arose earlier this year with an old acquaintance she took the plunge (it was her suggestion, and she initiated the contact without my knowledge), and it’s been non-stop ever since, she’s all in and enjoying all aspects of it, including the cuckold part with me. After sex with only me for 30 years, she’s fucked with 4 men this year (most multiple times), is meeting with a 5th for coffee this week and I estimate has had sex approx 50 times since January to my zero. She is absolute animal in bed now. She was always very demure and vanilla but her current lover recently messaged me to say that he has never before met a woman who is both beautiful and absolutely filthy in equal measure! It’s agonising but incredibly hot that I haven’t seen this side of her because one of her rules was that if she was having sex with others, then she wouldn’t have sex with me, so I’m currently into my 7th month of PIV denial with her.
It seems quite common for wives to take their time over several years, then go a bit cock crazy having “taken the plunge” and realised there is no downside.
My advice is not to push too hard, or too often. Plant the seed, don’t mention it too regularly and let it grow in her head as an idea. She’ll probably come around to wanting to discuss it with you at some point.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2024 10:53 pm
by Johnny13
Greetings friends,
Been sometime from my first post where I asked for help and advice regarding my relatoonship.
Good news, I have brought and gifted my fiance a very nice and realistic black dildo ( about 21 cm long , thats 8'' I think ) and she likes it but is afraid of it to take it all in.
We used it already a few times and I can see on her she prefers it and loves to play with it.
Actually last time she masturbated with it while I also masturbated besides her watching her using it.
Now, hopefully things will take in time a new turn, and I have to find the moment when I can express my desire to see her with a lover.
Wish me luck, maybe this will happen, as there is nothing more that I wish than to know and see her having a lover and be her cuckold.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2024 11:05 pm
by elina
Dear Johnny,
Nice progress:
Now that your Fiance has started loving to play with Her dildo,
You should focus on becoming very good at providing cunnilingus.
Always make a habbit of eating Her out as She is holding the big black dildo,
try to get Her wet and to give Her an orgasm and then encourage Her to play with the dildo around Her pussy,
Once She realizes She prefers to push the dildo inside to having your (much smaller dick?) inside,
you can start emphasizing how much you want Her to be fully sexually satisfied and that you think She deserves to have sex with other males than you.
But gently, don't rush.
Learning to properly worship Her pussy and alwasy asking for that is most important at first.
Sincerely
elina
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2024 7:48 am
by Tryn
Fantastic that your wife is enjoying the realistic dildo play! Have you started talking to her about it when she’s using it? Have you asked her what she thinks about when she’s using it alone? If not, you should. Start out with something light, such as “do you like that big cock inside of you?” “How’s it feel to be taking such a big cock?” Also tell her what you like about it to reassure her that you’re into it too. Such as “it’s so hot watching you fucking a big cock!” “You’re so sexy when you cum from a large cock!” After a bit, transition the above by saying “his big cock”, or something that references it’s somebody’s cock but without a name. If that goes well, ask her to imagine someone she’s familiar with and that it’s their cock. Good luck and keep us posted!
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Fri Jul 12, 2024 3:57 am
by Johnny13
Hello everyone,
I've got a small update
While she held the last time the black dildo, as I was kissing her naked body all over, she suddenly said " Put that black dick in me "
I swear, when I heard this I almost came instantly, as I couldn't believe what she just uttered.
So I took it and started pushing it gently in her, the contrast looking sooo good, that thick black dildo into her pinky white pussy.
It was not long after that she grabbed my cock, squeezed it a few times and I spunked all over her, which of course made her smile and giggle.
I wonder if she has any idea already and why it turned me on so much when I heard, and used it on her.
I hope she does.
Now, for the 2nd part.
In the morning when I take the bus to work, I often find myself on the same bench with this young, black guy that comes from Senegal.
He is a refugee that settled and works here for around 2 years now.
Me and him didn't chat much, we only greet each other and once we showed each other pictures of our pets.
I do wonder at something, what if next time I meet with him there, I pretend to show new pictures of my dog and cats, however, by " mistake " there are some nude pictures of my fiancee right beside them that I slide and he can see , so I can see his reaction?
Honestly, he would be the perfect guy for her ( from my point of view of course )
Thoughts?
Thank you all
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2024 5:00 am
by Long Lurker 34
Johnny13 wrote: ↑Fri Jul 12, 2024 3:57 am
Hello everyone,
I've got a small update
While she held the last time the black dildo, as I was kissing her naked body all over, she suddenly said " Put that black dick in me "
I swear, when I heard this I almost came instantly, as I couldn't believe what she just uttered.
So I took it and started pushing it gently in her, the contrast looking sooo good, that thick black dildo into her pinky white pussy.
It was not long after that she grabbed my cock, squeezed it a few times and I spunked all over her, which of course made her smile and giggle.
I wonder if she has any idea already and why it turned me on so much when I heard, and used it on her.
I hope she does.
Now, for the 2nd part.
In the morning when I take the bus to work, I often find myself on the same bench with
this young, black guy that comes from Senegal.
He is a refugee that settled and works here for around 2 years now.
Me and him didn't chat much, we only greet each other and once we showed each other pictures of our pets.
I do wonder at something, what if next time I meet with him there, I pretend to show new pictures of my dog and cats, however, by " mistake " there are some nude pictures of my fiancee right beside them that I slide and he can see , so I can see his reaction?
Honestly, he would be the perfect guy for her ( from my point of view of course )
Thoughts?
Thank you all
J13 - Do you know anything more about him? Does he have any friends and family where you reside? Perhaps befriend him and invite him home then he could become a regular visitor.....
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sat Jul 13, 2024 7:45 am
by ugcp
I'm glad to hear you've had a good experience, but I have some advice of a slightly different flavour.
You mentioned your sex life had become stale, with a low frequency of sessions. You also mentioned an eager/excited (or at least a positively receptive) reaction to your suggestion of bringing in toys.
You wrote about how your libido has been fired up recently by the cuckold fetish, which you've had for many years. Indeed, you're posting on a forum all about non-monogamy.
What if you look at this from a broader and more balanced approach? You're starting from a point where sex is boring and rare, and you want to introduce one of your strongest fantasies (and one of the most intense sexual dynamics in general) as a way to spice things up.
Why not be overt, open, and intentional about this? Consider your wife as a partner, in love and adventure, and work together to make things better. See if there's a way to communicate openly with her so that you both come to an agreement that things weren't as good as you both want, and that you have a shared intention to improve it. The introduction of the toy had been fun and exciting, so maybe there are other things that can fire up her libido, your libido, and your shared chemistry. And you can ASK HER... what fantasies does she have? Even things that can't really happen in real life might be at least shared in discussion, and THAT can get her mental arousal fired up. Give her time (even days) to consider this. If she doesn't have any (at least any she is willing to share), you can offer to look up things with her as a shared activity to see if anything piques her interest. At the very least, it could be a bit of a laugh and silly fun researching things together. And you can offer to share YOUR fantasies... ahh, like this one you have been thinking about recently...
Simply put, don't just do what so many foolish guys do and clobber your wife with your fantasy, or try to manipulate or persuade her into it. Try not to see this from just your position... rise above the field and see things from all sides. Imagine if she does come up with a fantasy, and it is something you actually really don't like or have no interest in. Think on how that would feel. Then consider that she might have those feelings about your kink. Honour her feelings, work as a team down paths of compromise where possible, and always redirect both of your mindsets back towards the notion of fun... because any of these things you explore are supposed to be positive and enjoyable for you both.
If exploring wife-sharing, cuckolding, or other non-monogamy is arousing to her, then great! But maybe there's another path SHE will want to take YOU down, which might not be this one at all. Try to be receptive to this possibility. After all, if you're into it, it would still awaken your dead bedroom, and increase the strength of your shared bond. Which is why you wanted to engage her in your cuckold fantasy in the first place. Right?
Edit: Dude.. do NOT show a random bus stop dude naked pictures of your wife! I just re-read your post, and holy shit. Come on, man. I first thought you just said pictures of your wife, which I just categorized as your other conniving, Wile E. Coyote-esk style of trying to achieve your ends. But to betray your wife's privacy and agency like that is despicable. You need to re-ground yourself in reality and get a grip on what's appropriate behaviour.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sun Jul 14, 2024 1:34 am
by Johnny13
ugcp wrote: ↑Sat Jul 13, 2024 7:45 am
I'm glad to hear you've had a good experience, but I have some advice of a slightly different flavour.
You mentioned your sex life had become stale, with a low frequency of sessions. You also mentioned an eager/excited (or at least a positively receptive) reaction to your suggestion of bringing in toys.
You wrote about how your libido has been fired up recently by the cuckold fetish, which you've had for many years. Indeed, you're posting on a forum all about non-monogamy.
What if you look at this from a broader and more balanced approach? You're starting from a point where sex is boring and rare, and you want to introduce one of your strongest fantasies (and one of the most intense sexual dynamics in general) as a way to spice things up.
Why not be overt, open, and intentional about this? Consider your wife as a partner, in love and adventure, and work together to make things better. See if there's a way to communicate openly with her so that you both come to an agreement that things weren't as good as you both want, and that you have a shared intention to improve it. The introduction of the toy had been fun and exciting, so maybe there are other things that can fire up her libido, your libido, and your shared chemistry. And you can ASK HER... what fantasies does she have? Even things that can't really happen in real life might be at least shared in discussion, and THAT can get her mental arousal fired up. Give her time (even days) to consider this. If she doesn't have any (at least any she is willing to share), you can offer to look up things with her as a shared activity to see if anything piques her interest. At the very least, it could be a bit of a laugh and silly fun researching things together. And you can offer to share YOUR fantasies... ahh, like this one you have been thinking about recently...
Simply put, don't just do what so many foolish guys do and clobber your wife with your fantasy, or try to manipulate or persuade her into it. Try not to see this from just your position... rise above the field and see things from all sides. Imagine if she does come up with a fantasy, and it is something you actually really don't like or have no interest in. Think on how that would feel. Then consider that she might have those feelings about your kink. Honour her feelings, work as a team down paths of compromise where possible, and always redirect both of your mindsets back towards the notion of fun... because any of these things you explore are supposed to be positive and enjoyable for you both.
If exploring wife-sharing, cuckolding, or other non-monogamy is arousing to her, then great! But maybe there's another path SHE will want to take YOU down, which might not be this one at all. Try to be receptive to this possibility. After all, if you're into it, it would still awaken your dead bedroom, and increase the strength of your shared bond. Which is why you wanted to engage her in your cuckold fantasy in the first place. Right?
Edit: Dude.. do NOT show a random bus stop dude naked pictures of your wife! I just re-read your post, and holy shit. Come on, man. I first thought you just said pictures of your wife, which I just categorized as your other conniving, Wile E. Coyote-esk style of trying to achieve your ends. But to betray your wife's privacy and agency like that is despicable. You need to re-ground yourself in reality and get a grip on what's appropriate behaviour.
First of all, I thank you very much for the time you put in here for giving me advices and tips.
I read it over and over, and you are totally right.
Also, regarding the pictures of her, no, I won't do that, not at all, no naked pictures of her at least.
Re: Need advice and help for convincing wife to embrace a new path
Posted: Sun Jul 14, 2024 1:35 am
by Johnny13
Long Lurker 34 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 13, 2024 5:00 am
Johnny13 wrote: ↑Fri Jul 12, 2024 3:57 am
Hello everyone,
I've got a small update
While she held the last time the black dildo, as I was kissing her naked body all over, she suddenly said " Put that black dick in me "
I swear, when I heard this I almost came instantly, as I couldn't believe what she just uttered.
So I took it and started pushing it gently in her, the contrast looking sooo good, that thick black dildo into her pinky white pussy.
It was not long after that she grabbed my cock, squeezed it a few times and I spunked all over her, which of course made her smile and giggle.
I wonder if she has any idea already and why it turned me on so much when I heard, and used it on her.
I hope she does.
Now, for the 2nd part.
In the morning when I take the bus to work, I often find myself on the same bench with
this young, black guy that comes from Senegal.
He is a refugee that settled and works here for around 2 years now.
Me and him didn't chat much, we only greet each other and once we showed each other pictures of our pets.
I do wonder at something, what if next time I meet with him there, I pretend to show new pictures of my dog and cats, however, by " mistake " there are some nude pictures of my fiancee right beside them that I slide and he can see , so I can see his reaction?
Honestly, he would be the perfect guy for her ( from my point of view of course )
Thoughts?
Thank you all
J13 - Do you know anything more about him? Does he have any friends and family where you reside? Perhaps befriend him and invite him home then he could become a regular visitor.....
Already thinking at that...
Need to start chat and talk with him more and more when I see him.
In fact, I'll ask for his number and maybe me and him should get to know better at a coffee in town.