Our Hotwives

Long time listener, first time caller.

I can't say I was even in the ranks of the wannabes. Didn't really want cuckolding -- the humiliation and shame aspect isn't my cup of tea. I couldn't decide whether sharing her was something I actually wanted for real, or was just a really intense fantasy. If it was, I wanted it be something to enhance our marriage together, more along the lines of stag/vixen or hotwife. Emotionally, mentally, our marriage wasn't in the right place to broach even the fantasy -- I was working towards getting us to see a counselor to work on some significant communication issues.

I came home a bit early this afternoon, didn't text her I was coming home early. She came rushing out of the bedroom, topless; not sure the state of dress of her friend, but he ran off to the bathroom, so I'm going to guess he was missing more than just his shirt.

I guess I'm one of y'all now.

I'm sorry it happened that way. I hope you two can take your time to work through it and discuss your feelings about it. Maybe this event will be that catalyst to get some good communication going and be able to share how each of you feel.

I found out my first wife was fucking other guys and I was devastated. I didn't handle it well and ended up getting a divorce. It wasn't until after I processed my feelings and questioned my dogma that I realized I had missed out on an awesome hotwife opportunity.

Best of luck. Feel free to process /vent here and we'll be with you every step of the way!

What did she say after catching her? On a horrible question, If you've been here awhile. Did you like knowing she has a lover? It's ok to talk about it all here.

Dude. Opportunity.

Don’t do anything stupid. Think about what you really want

Ask us and let’s see if you can turn lemons into lemonade.

I'm sorry it happened to you that way, and if you did not consent to this then I am very sorry that you've experienced this lifestyle in this particular way.

But you are not alone. "Classic cuckolds" have been around, literally, for millennia, and you can now claim a brotherly kinship with men from Marcus Aurelius through Nicolas Sarkozy and many, many, great towering figures in between. Perhaps when the pain of the event is softened you will maybe have the opportunity to revisit today's events through a more erotic lens and "own" the situation in retrospect in a way that serves you.

I suspect your relationship is in big trouble from the description of it, and that if she was that willing to leave it to chance that perhaps she's checked out already. I hope you arrive at the conclusion that you most desire, but if there is any possibility of staying together it sounds like you'll both have your work cut out for you in that category.

While you are probably not wanting to eroticize the experience for public consumption at this early stage, you do have access to a whole community of men here who understand and support your conflicted feelings - and in your moments of sadness perhaps you might even find some comfort in the knowledge that there are many men on this forum who would give their right arm to come home to an unfaithful wife as you did.

I hope some of those thoughts maybe offer you some comfort. Hang in there, and above all be true to and look after yourself.

We are sorry that your wife has cheated on you like this. Hotwifing and cuckolding, in our opinion, should always come from a place of love. A place without secrets. A place of open communication. Your's unfortunately has not.

I love my wife and have shared her with other men and women for nearly 30 years because she enjoys a variety of lovers. We respectfully communicate about our wants and needs and do our best to accommodate them. But only if we are comfortable with them.
Because of this love, respect and communication we have been able to progress to a level where my wife's boyfriend has actually moved in with us permanently and is part of our family. My wife considers him her second husband and we have had a commitment ceremony. She now uses a hyphenated surname of his and mine. We have talked about it and are going to legally change her surname to James' and mine. That means her driver's licence, passport, electoral roll, medicare card, credit cards, house deeds, car registration, will etc will all publicly display that Ann is a shared wife. In public they are now openly a couple and enjoy public displays of affection. The only people who don't know are our parents and brothers and sisters.

Unfortunately, we feel that you won't be able to enjoy such peasure in life. Your wife has not communicated her needs and wants with you and has shown you great disrespect.

No you are not one of us.
She cheated on you, that's all.
A hotwife/cuckold relation needs trust, love and open communication.

You searched us out. You are interested.

Some, even here, will give you "rules" about what makes a relationship, tell you "how it is".

My wife gave another guy a handjob (at least that's all she admits), 3 years into our marriage. She knew my kinks. She chose to keep it secret for about 10 years. She eventually kissed a friend before she told me and when she did tell me, I helped her basically cuck me with him.

So many people here will tell me she's a bitch for doing that or I'm not "one of the club" because I broke some moral code. They are entitled to that opinion, but it means nothing to me.

Been married 29 years. Happily. I turned lemons into lemonade. I didn't blame the other guy, because in his shoes, I would have done the same thing. I didn't blame her because I wanted her to be sexual.

ColoCuck75 wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:32 pm

What did she say after catching her? On a horrible question, If you've been here awhile. Did you like knowing she has a lover? It's ok to talk about it all here.

"I'm sorry", "this is the first time", "I fucked up", etc. I honestly don't know what to believe, and to a certain extent, it doesn't matter. If it was the first time, someone would truthfully say it was the first time. If it was the hundredth time, most people would lie and say it was the first time, to lessen the perceived impact. So whether she lies or tells the truth, to a certain extent it doesn't matter either way. And, really, it's not like getting fucked a hundred times is really any worse than getting fucked once -- it's not like tax brackets, where the betrayal is worse the higher amount you go.

Now, getting fucked a hundred times means it's this big ongoing thing, you're living this secret life, you're lying repeatedly, etc. -- all of those things will bother the hell out of me if it ends up that this really was an ongoing thing. But to me, that's a separate set of things from just the raw number of times she touched his dick or had it inside her somewhere.

There will come a time when I will need to know the truth, and I will make it clear that she has to come clean about what they did and how long it was going on. If she lies about it, and I find out, there's no do-overs.

As far as having a lover... eh. The funny thing is, that they had sex (in some form) isn't all that bothersome. In some ways, it's honestly a little bit of a turn-on. There's a reason I'm here on this forum, after all. I hope she at least enjoyed whatever she did with him. Not in the sense that that makes cheating OK, but if a woman is going to have sex, cheating or no cheating, she should at least have enjoyable sex. On the other hand, I hope every time he came (if he did), it felt like his dick was being turned into potato mash with a white-hot spiked sledgehammer covered in angry murder hornets.

canadianwittol wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:55 pm

I'm sorry it happened to you that way, and if you did not consent to this then I am very sorry that you've experienced this lifestyle in this particular way.

Yeah, this was not a consenting thing for me.

canadianwittol wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:55 pm

I suspect your relationship is in big trouble from the description of it, and that if she was that willing to leave it to chance that perhaps she's checked out already. I hope you arrive at the conclusion that you most desire, but if there is any possibility of staying together it sounds like you'll both have your work cut out for you in that category.

I don't know if I'd use the exact phrase "big trouble", but there's a long road ahead of us. She says, and it seems heartfelt, that she wants to stay together, so we're looking into finding a marriage counselor. But I'm not kidding myself -- there's a long road ahead of us to get back to a good place. I'm willing to do the work if she is, but I will acknowledge there's going to be a lot of work to do.

canadianwittol wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:55 pm

While you are probably not wanting to eroticize the experience for public consumption at this early stage, you do have access to a whole community of men here who understand and support your conflicted feelings - and in your moments of sadness perhaps you might even find some comfort in the knowledge that there are many men on this forum who would give their right arm to come home to an unfaithful wife as you did.

I get that. And I realize that for some of the guys on the forum, it seems like I'm miserable with what would be their greatest fantasy. But like I said, I don't get off on the humiliation and degradation aspect of cuckolding (no judgements for those that do, it's just not my thing). So to me, while I'm willing to admit the erotic aspect of the sex itself, the exclusion and disrespect doesn't come across as erotic, it just comes across as selfish and disrespectful.

canadianwittol wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:55 pm

I hope some of those thoughts maybe offer you some comfort. Hang in there, and above all be true to and look after yourself.

Thank you for your kind words!

Dream Weaver wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 11:07 pm

You searched us out. You are interested.

Some, even here, will give you "rules" about what makes a relationship, tell you "how it is".

My wife gave another guy a handjob (at least that's all she admits), 3 years into our marriage. She knew my kinks. She chose to keep it secret for about 10 years. She eventually kissed a friend before she told me and when she did tell me, I helped her basically cuck me with him.

So many people here will tell me she's a bitch for doing that or I'm not "one of the club" because I broke some moral code. They are entitled to that opinion, but it means nothing to me.

Been married 29 years. Happily. I turned lemons into lemonade. I didn't blame the other guy, because in his shoes, I would have done the same thing. I didn't blame her because I wanted her to be sexual.

Sure, I'm interested in the idea of female non-monogamy. I've been here for... gosh, nearly 13 years! It's really only been the past year or two, though, that I even looked at what non-monogamy might actually take to happen in our relationship, and I never discussed it with her at all because our relationship wasn't in a state where it would work to my satisfaction.

I'm not going to judge your wife, or you. The moral code in your relationship is what you and your wife define it to be. I'm glad that you were able to make it work!

Even if you wanted it, this is a bad introduction. Sorry to hear it.

Tons of great advice above.

After you recover from the initial shock, perhaps you can find a way to eroticize what she did and why.

If you can do that, try to use it as a pathway to forgiveness and a way to make your relationship better. And, if you both want it, a way for her to play while sharing every aspect with you. No secrets.

YMMV. Best wishes.

double post sorry

I hope you and your wife find a therapist and can make the relationship work. Hopefully things turn around.

By most standards here you are now a cuckold. The toughest part is the cheating because it has brought out a lot of difficult and probably counter-productive emotions and feelings for you both. Many people have on this website have said that there are "kink friendly" counselors. It might be a good idea to see if you can find someone like that.

Unfortunately, your first experience now and forever will be associated with some negative impressions. How you choose to process those will be a challenge. How she chooses to respond will be critical. Your trust in her is fragile at best right now. Both of you must surely be hyper-sensitized to not only the trust issue but every other thing like the words you choose, the tone, and your mood. It's the absence of communication that causes that hyper-sensitivity. It's as if you're looking for information in everything because not enough is coming in the conventional way, talking.

I believe you can salvage this and not give up your own dreams for this lifestyle. If there is any real bright side to this whole thing, it's that if you both choose to work things out a lot of discussions will come a lot easier now. Those discussions won't be necessarily "easy" but they will be something you both know needs to get done.

Just my impression and nothing more than that. You're in the middle of this and you know way better than I do. Keep us posted on what comes next please!

nutjob wrote: ↑

Thu Apr 10, 2025 11:40 am

Dream Weaver wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 11:07 pm

You searched us out. You are interested.

Some, even here, will give you "rules" about what makes a relationship, tell you "how it is".

My wife gave another guy a handjob (at least that's all she admits), 3 years into our marriage. She knew my kinks. She chose to keep it secret for about 10 years. She eventually kissed a friend before she told me and when she did tell me, I helped her basically cuck me with him.

So many people here will tell me she's a bitch for doing that or I'm not "one of the club" because I broke some moral code. They are entitled to that opinion, but it means nothing to me.

Been married 29 years. Happily. I turned lemons into lemonade. I didn't blame the other guy, because in his shoes, I would have done the same thing. I didn't blame her because I wanted her to be sexual.

Sure, I'm interested in the idea of female non-monogamy. I've been here for... gosh, nearly 13 years! It's really only been the past year or two, though, that I even looked at what non-monogamy might actually take to happen in our relationship, and I never discussed it with her at all because our relationship wasn't in a state where it would work to my satisfaction.

I'm not going to judge your wife, or you. The moral code in your relationship is what you and your wife define it to be. I'm glad that you were able to make it work!

Hey man, no worries. Re-reading your original post and this, I completely missed the point.

nutjob wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:01 pm

Long time listener, first time caller.

I can't say I was even in the ranks of the wannabes. Didn't really want cuckolding -- the humiliation and shame aspect isn't my cup of tea. I couldn't decide whether sharing her was something I actually wanted for real, or was just a really intense fantasy. If it was, I wanted it be something to enhance our marriage together, more along the lines of stag/vixen or hotwife. Emotionally, mentally, our marriage wasn't in the right place to broach even the fantasy -- I was working towards getting us to see a counselor to work on some significant communication issues.

I came home a bit early this afternoon, didn't text her I was coming home early. She came rushing out of the bedroom, topless; not sure the state of dress of her friend, but he ran off to the bathroom, so I'm going to guess he was missing more than just his shirt.

I guess I'm one of y'all now.

If I'm reading your note correctly, you hadn't previously shared your fantasies with your wife. I understand that she didn't know that you secretly fantasized about sharing her. Is that correct?

I’m so sorry this happened. The same happened to me.


I came here in February bc my wife asked me to open the marriage at the beginning of the year.


I was trying to work through a lot of jealousy and insecurity so that we could do the hotwife thing but I took too long and she started behind my back.

I found the text on Sunday and I was gutted. Not sure where we’ll go from here but I’m officially a cuck now.

It hurts a lot.


Feel free to reach out if you want to talk

I would not want to walk a mile in your shoes. I get that the sex itself can be a turn on. The deceit however certainly is not.
You are indeed a cuckold in the classic meaning. Not in the more modern variant where there is consent and trust. For a modern cuckold relationship, trust is of the essence. And how to trust a partner who cheats?
You seem to be able to handle and understand the situation very well. I hope that the relationship can be restored but until that moment I personally would stay away from anything that complicates the situation further. Like hotwifing.

That’s how it started for me, she had an affair early in our marriage and I knew I wanted to work things out but it was devastating at first. Months later I would catch myself fantasizing about it and jerking off to the thought of her taking a bigger man.

Buitenman wrote: ↑

Fri Apr 11, 2025 12:31 pm

I would not want to walk a mile in your shoes. I get that the sex itself can be a turn on. The deceit however certainly is not.
You are indeed a cuckold in the classic meaning. Not in the more modern variant where there is consent and trust. For a modern cuckold relationship, trust is of the essence. And how to trust a partner who cheats?

That's a good question. I don't know, although to a certain degree, I have no choice. I can't be around her every second of every day.

Buitenman wrote: ↑

Fri Apr 11, 2025 12:31 pm

You seem to be able to handle and understand the situation very well.

I've mostly been the one in our relationship to handle logistic details of things, which requires a certain amount of both foresight and pragmatism. I've also done the lion's share of the emotional labor in our relationship, so I can pull out those skills as well. Plus, I've known for a while the relationship hasn't been operating in the green. I just didn't realize it had gotten this far into the red. This is a Chernobyl-esque "3.6 roentgen, not great, not bad" sort of mistake.

Buitenman wrote: ↑

Fri Apr 11, 2025 12:31 pm

I hope that the relationship can be restored but until that moment I personally would stay away from anything that complicates the situation further. Like hotwifing.

That's the plan. Work on the fundamentals of our relationship; if the foundation isn't up to scratch, anything we try and build on top of it is just going to collapse. Depending on where and how we end up, maybe, maybe, we can consider some form of non-monogamy where I'm included and prioritized instead of circumvented.

Imherman wrote: ↑

Fri Apr 11, 2025 7:58 am

I’m so sorry this happened. The same happened to me.

I came here in February bc my wife asked me to open the marriage at the beginning of the year.

I was trying to work through a lot of jealousy and insecurity so that we could do the hotwife thing but I took too long and she started behind my back.

I found the text on Sunday and I was gutted. Not sure where we’ll go from here but I’m officially a cuck now.

It hurts a lot.

Feel free to reach out if you want to talk

I'm sorry that you're in the same boat. Misery loves company.

As someone who can sympathize, I think the first thing to ask yourself is whether you still want to stay, or if this crossed a line that can't be uncrossed. There's no fixing the latter.

Re: reaching out, same here. My DMs are open.

Hoping the best for you, sincerely! Have you had any discussion with your wife yet or any luck with finding a counselor?

iloanmywife wrote: ↑

Fri Apr 11, 2025 7:13 am

If I'm reading your note correctly, you hadn't previously shared your fantasies with your wife. I understand that she didn't know that you secretly fantasized about sharing her. Is that correct?

Yes and no.

She has made a few idle comments over the past couple of years that led me to believe she might at least harbor some fantasies around being with other guys. Nothing specific, no names or people mentioned, always in the abstract, and there was never any real-world follow up. So, fantasies.

(One time after watching some porn, high, she mentioned that she'd do a gang bang, in a tone of voice similar to what you use when you're describing what you'd do if you won the lottery. Another time, watching a TV show that involved a swingers club, she said she'd be curious what one looked like on the inside. Etc.)

We're not old, but we're not spring chickens either, and after she said these things, they'd been rattling around in my head as a, "Is this something I could consider for us/her, on the off chance this is something we might regret not exploring?" As a result, I'd been talking over non-monogamy with my therapist for a while as a direction to try and move in. Not because I knew for sure I wanted to engage in non-monogamy with my wife, or that she even really wanted to do it in the first place, but because being the kind of person who could let go of possessiveness and jealousy and feel genuine compersion for their partner would simply make me a better person and partner. Whether I told her and she didn't want to do it, or I never really got to the point where I could actually do it, or I never even told her I had considered it, being more confident, more secure, more open and communicative, etc., could only be a benefit for me and for us.

So it wasn't that I harbored this huge secret fantasy of, "Darling, I simply absolutely must watch you get railed by a dozen Black guys tonight!" so much as it was, if I can get to the right place, and our relationship can get to the right place, this might be something that I can bring up to her and explore together to see if it's something we both want and/or feel comfortable doing. Whether it's something that would benefit our relationship, and that our relationship could sustain.

It's not lost on me that there's a certain amount of cosmic irony in this situation. Here I was trying to do the solid legwork to be a better person for her, while she was doing the solid legwork of spreading her legs for someone else.

(I actually don't know what she did with him yet, but there's a nice linguistic symmetry that I couldn't ignore.)

coastalkid wrote: ↑

Mon Apr 14, 2025 10:28 am

Hoping the best for you, sincerely! Have you had any discussion with your wife yet or any luck with finding a counselor?

We had a talk yesterday, kind of talking around it. Not about the specifics of what she did, but more about how badly she hurt me, and why I'm choosing to handle it the way that I am (so far). I don't accept any blame or responsibility for her cheating, but I also understand it took failures on both of our parts for the marriage to deteriorate to the point cheating was on the table. Etc. She behaved the right way and said the right things, but we'll see.

I've actually had a surprising amount of success in finding counselors with some degree of availability. I've done the intake on one, but it might take a couple of weeks to actually have our first appointment. There are a couple of others that are contenders, too.