Having to start all over again. Suggestions please!

[Lubricious]

My late wife was a beautiful, sexy, ‘hotwife’ from the start, although I don’t think the term existed back then. Certainly not in our vocabulary!
I would like to post our story sometime and hope that it is of interest.

I am 64 and now in a new relationship with a beautiful woman. She is also 64, looks 50 and has a body a 25 year old would kill for. Sex is good. I am extremely lucky to have found her and she could do way better than me. However, she is very traditional and believes in monogamy.
Her previous partners have been jealous, possessive alpha males, which probably suited her.
I have told her of my desires and she is gradually coming around, but says for her to be a hotwife she needs to be a wife first, ie. married.
She admitted that she would consider having an affair if the right guy came along as the thrill of secrecy and deception might be alluring. I’d be happy with that but would need to hear every detail afterwards of course. I think she would prefer to keep it secret as she would feel deep shame if anyone found out.
I love her and want to marry her. I’m afraid that if she doesn’t embrace the lifestyle after marriage, that I will be frustrated and resent her. This would not be fair on her, as all she wants is to do is love and care for me in a traditional relationship. I know I am being selfish and if I lose her unlikely to find anyone, let alone someone non-monogamous, at my age.
I have been conditioned for 40 years in the totally opposite way, my wife always had at least one other guy on the go!

Am I flogging a dead horse here?

[Lubricious]

A big step was taken last night. She will consider joining a dating sight just to look and perhaps chat to anyone she feels might be special. When asked if she would go on an actual date, she said maybe, but not for sex. I’m very excited that she’s thinking about it, but feel that’s as far as I can push her for now. Any suggestions as to what to do next?

[joe_b]

I am skeptical that she will start after married. If she is not interested in other men now, why would it change after marriage?

[Cdncuck]

I was about to say the same thing as the previous poster. As he said it's unlikely she will start after marriage. She has years of being monogamous. Some people can't do this.

Sounds like you have a good relationship otherwise. You may have to accept she will never be comfortable participating in the lifestyle. If you can live without that's fine. However, if you can't live without it, you could find yourself very unhappy a couple of years down the road.

[realcucklife]

She has to be a hot girlfriend before she is a hot wife.

[Lubricious]

I am skeptical that she will start after married. If she is not interested in other men now, why would it change after marriage?

Yes - me too.
She has said that she would 'possibly' do it for me once married - commitment is of utmost importance to her. She hates being a 'girlfriend'!
I told her that I'd only want her to do it if she wanted it too.

[Barti]

You love her?
Or you love a lifestyle?
And by the way.... in this lifestyle IT IS ABOUT HER!
you are pretty egoistic

[Lubricious]

I was about to say the same thing as the previous poster. As he said it's unlikely she will start after marriage. She has years of being monogamous. Some people can't do this.

Sounds like you have a good relationship otherwise. You may have to accept she will never be comfortable participating in the lifestyle. If you can live without that's fine. However, if you can't live without it, you could find yourself very unhappy a couple of years down the road.

I agree that it sounds unlikely. The encouraging thing for me though, is that she cheated in her previous marriages.

You're right though, HWing has been with me most of my adult life, not sure I'll survive withdrawal.

[Lubricious]

I was about to say the same thing as the previous poster. As he said it's unlikely she will start after marriage. She has years of being monogamous. Some people can't do this.

Sounds like you have a good relationship otherwise. You may have to accept she will never be comfortable participating in the lifestyle. If you can live without that's fine. However, if you can't live without it, you could find yourself very unhappy a couple of years down the road.

I agree that it sounds unlikely. The encouraging thing for me though, is that she cheated in her previous marriages.

You're right though, HWing has been with me most of my adult life, not sure I'll survive withdrawal.

[Lubricious]

You love her?
Or you love a lifestyle?
And by the way.... in this lifestyle IT IS ABOUT HER!
you are pretty egoistic

Both.
I realise it's about her. That's why I said that I wouldn't want her to do it unless she wanted it too.
If you read my original post again you will see that I have been in the 'lifestyle' most of my life, but never had to persuade my wife to become a HW as she was way ahead of me. My GF is the total opposite, so I find myself on here looking for advice as a newbie/wannabee.
I'm sorry if you find me egotistical.

[Lubricious]

She has to be a hot girlfriend before she is a hot wife.

This is what I think too.
I'll see how far we get with the dating site and reevaluate the situation.
Whatever happens, I'm in love and committed to her so might have to settle for a more traditional lovelife.

[Cdncuck]

She has to be a hot girlfriend before she is a hot wife.

This is what I think too.
I'll see how far we get with the dating site and reevaluate the situation.
Whatever happens, I'm in love and committed to her so might have to settle for a more traditional lovelife.

This is also true. My wife started fucking other guys at my suggestion two years before we were married.

If she isn't willing to do it now, that's not likely to change after marriage.

[Lubricious]

She has to be a hot girlfriend before she is a hot wife.

This is what I think too.
I'll see how far we get with the dating site and reevaluate the situation.
Whatever happens, I'm in love and committed to her so might have to settle for a more traditional lovelife.

This is also true. My wife started fucking other guys at my suggestion two years before we were married.

If she isn't willing to do it now, that's not likely to change after marriage.

Thanks for this. I’ve come to this conclusion too and beginning to come to terms with the fact that this will probably only ever be fantasy. However, our communication is good and she agrees that it would be fun to flirt in front of me should the occasion arise.
We haven’t looked at dating sites yet, but last night googled ‘topless male models’. I asked her to pick her favourite and to say to me ‘I want him to fuck me’. Very passionate sex followed - she was very wet.
I’m hoping this has planted a seed and she sees the pleasure this is giving me. She is still wrapping her head around the idea of me having zero desire for other women while she can do whatever she wants without guilt.
As you no doubt know, talking about fucking another man when we’re in bed and horny is a world away from actually going through with it!

[Lubricious]

I made the decision to play the long game and not bring up the subject for a while. This seemed to have paid off, as a couple of nights ago we discussed our previous relationships and she was very curious about my marriage, asking for details of my wife’s adventures. I think she now believes me when I say that I have no interest in other women, that my kink is for her to fuck other men. We looked at a dating site but she doesn’t want to sign up…yet. She also admitted to fancying younger men but would need to have strong feelings for anyone before fucking them although she did acknowledge that it might be fun being a hotwife!
Later I asked her to talk to me about her fucking her previous partners while we screwed, which she did and was very hot. We both came hard.
I thought that this was good progress, but now she has gone cool on me. In the cold light of day she doesn’t want to discuss what happened and feels, I think, a bit ashamed and embarrassed.
I’ll be very grateful to hear anyone’s thoughts and for any advice as to what my next move should be!