The end for us in the lifestyle?

[Anonymousrob]

Hello all. I am looking for some advice, and not the usual “this is your life now, you deserve this” bullshit. I’m genuinely curious what you guys think.

If you know our story at all, you know that we have been in the lifestyle for about three years now, and in the beginning, it was amazing. I would watch. I would reclaim. It was hot and it was perfect.

She wanted to try playing solo, which was against our rules originally, but inlet her because I knew she really wanted to try it. She loved it more than me watching so I let her play solo some. Then she wanted to try bareback. Against our rules but she loved it.

I was still involved. Got to clean up. Got to reclaim. But for the past year, I have basically become a nonentity. Our sex life is still okay. But she goes on solo dates only. She plays without asking or bringing anything up to me before hand.

Sometimes when she comes home, I’ll still reclaim her. But that has become secondary now. I know that things evolve. And I asked her that if this is the direction, maybe she could actually cuck me. Cage, humiliation, pics, etc sometimes.

She doesn’t want to. I have met her on everything she has wanted to try and she hasn’t met me on anything I was curious about.

Caging: did it once. Doesn’t care to try again. Makes it clear that it’s just for me.
Dirty talk: feels awkward. Doesn’t want to try.
Humiliation: feels awkward. Doesn’t want to try.
Pics and vids: “oh we forgot”
Cleanup: “that’s just gross”
Pegging: “eww. Hell no” when I just want to try it once to see.

I think it may be time for me to pull the plug on all of this. It’s not about us anymore like it started. I’ve met her more than halfway on basically everything, becoming more dominant, leaning into impact play (both things I don’t really care for but I do enthusiastically because she loves them). I don’t know.

What do you guys think?

[mundyman]

Hello all. I am looking for some advice, and not the usual “this is your life now, you deserve this” bullshit. I’m genuinely curious what you guys think.

If you know our story at all, you know that we have been in the lifestyle for about three years now, and in the beginning, it was amazing. I would watch. I would reclaim. It was hot and it was perfect.

She wanted to try playing solo, which was against our rules originally, but inlet her because I knew she really wanted to try it. She loved it more than me watching so I let her play solo some. Then she wanted to try bareback. Against our rules but she loved it.

I was still involved. Got to clean up. Got to reclaim. But for the past year, I have basically become a nonentity. Our sex life is still okay. But she goes on solo dates only. She plays without asking or bringing anything up to me before hand.

Sometimes when she comes home, I’ll still reclaim her. But that has become secondary now. I know that things evolve. And I asked her that if this is the direction, maybe she could actually cuck me. Cage, humiliation, pics, etc sometimes.

She doesn’t want to. I have met her on everything she has wanted to try and she hasn’t met me on anything I was curious about.

Caging: did it once. Doesn’t care to try again. Makes it clear that it’s just for me.
Dirty talk: feels awkward. Doesn’t want to try.
Humiliation: feels awkward. Doesn’t want to try.
Pics and vids: “oh we forgot”
Cleanup: “that’s just gross”
Pegging: “eww. Hell no” when I just want to try it once to see.

I think it may be time for me to pull the plug on all of this. It’s not about us anymore like it started. I’ve met her more than halfway on basically everything, becoming more dominant, leaning into impact play (both things I don’t really care for but I do enthusiastically because she loves them). I don’t know.

What do you guys think?

Hi AB,
An unfortunate spot you’re in. How do you think your wife will react if you go full on stop?
The bottom line is that the lifestyle should be for both of you, if it’s not there needs to be a serious sit down and epreevaluation if where you are and how things should proceed.
I wish I had insightful words of advice for you…..but I don’t.
Hopefully the other membe4s here with experience can help you out.
Good luck and please keep posting.

[Anonymousrob]

[quote/]

Hi AB,
An unfortunate spot you’re in. How do you think your wife will react if you go full on stop?
The bottom line is that the lifestyle should be for both of you, if it’s not there needs to be a serious sit down and epreevaluation if where you are and how things should proceed.
I wish I had insightful words of advice for you…..but I don’t.
Hopefully the other membe4s here with experience can help you out.
Good luck and please keep posting.
[/quote]

That is where I’m at. I’m not sure how she will take it. We’ve always said that if either of us wants to stop, we will right away, but all of our other rules have flown by the wayside so who knows.

[BoBatty]

She's basically moved on from you and keeping you as backup. Sorry

[SeaGirtCuck]

Sadly, you have discovered you are married to a selfish woman.

[Wife4Guys]

You'll never know unless you discuss a pause, at the very least, to asses your relationship. Time to step up, or is being run over the humiliation you desire being delivered in an unexpected way?
Good Luck

[Anonymousrob]

You'll never know unless you discuss a pause, at the very least, to asses your relationship. Time to step up, or is being run over the humiliation you desire being delivered in an unexpected way?
Good Luck

Thanks for all the advice. It isn’t what I want, at least not how it’s happening. A pause is definitely needed.

[iloanmywife]

Sadly, you have discovered you are married to a selfish woman.

I have to agree with this. She's having her cake and eating it, too. She gets the security of being married to you and she gets sexual pleasure with other men. In other words, she's cuckolding you and you've become a literal cuckold. Being called a cuckold has always been a cutting insult because no man wants to be what you've become. Harsh, but true.

Hello all. I am looking for some advice, and not the usual “this is your life now, you deserve this” bullshit. I’m genuinely curious what you guys think.

If you know our story at all, you know that we have been in the lifestyle for about three years now, and in the beginning, it was amazing. I would watch. I would reclaim. It was hot and it was perfect.

She wanted to try playing solo, which was against our rules originally, but inlet her because I knew she really wanted to try it. She loved it more than me watching so I let her play solo some. Then she wanted to try bareback. Against our rules but she loved it.

I was still involved. Got to clean up. Got to reclaim. But for the past year, I have basically become a nonentity. Our sex life is still okay. But she goes on solo dates only. She plays without asking or bringing anything up to me before hand.

Sometimes when she comes home, I’ll still reclaim her. But that has become secondary now. I know that things evolve. And I asked her that if this is the direction, maybe she could actually cuck me. Cage, humiliation, pics, etc sometimes.

She doesn’t want to. I have met her on everything she has wanted to try and she hasn’t met me on anything I was curious about.

[Note: I've lived a similar experience, so please don't take this as a personal attack.]

Because you're the sort of man who found his way to the Cuckold Forum, it's possible that you might find adapt to find enjoyment from being left out of your wife's adventures, to embrace being her cuckold. Or maybe in the future this will become a source of pleasure for both you and your wife to discuss this phase.

The obvious next step is for both of you to talk. Real sit-down talk. If the current situation is driving a wedge between you and your wife, it's time to intervene. It's okay to call her behavior selfish, while also acknowledging that you opened this Pandora's Box. You encouraged her to fuck other men, and she did that for you and -- surprise -- it was enjoyable for her. Personally, I wouldn't demand that she stop fucking other guys, but let her know how it's making you feel. If you insist that she stop playing then she probably will, but she'll resent you for it.

When you talk, keep an open mind. Instead of just demanding what you want, listen for what she wants. It's possible (this is just a hypothesis) that you're using her like a sex toy for your fantasies and she doesn't want to play along. One-on-one sex with another man might feel more natural and enjoyable for her. It sounds like she enjoys dominant men, and you can't give her that. Tell her you understand that she needs that, and you want to support her. But that you have needs yourself.

Of the things you mentioned, are there some where she's willing to meet you half-way? Instead of caging, is she willing to monitor/control your orgasms (e.g., supervised masturbation)? Humiliation talk if fun, but if she's not into talk surely there are other forms of humiliation you enjoy -- I mean, your wife is literally fucking other men. If she "forgets" to take pics and vids, offer up your house and set up cameras yourself while you leave the house. Or she could ask her play friends to take pics and vids to send to you. Ask her what she thinks she can do to involve you. If her answer is "No, fuck off" then this conversation needs to go in a 90 degree different direction that isn't about sex anymore.

Do you know if she's seeing just one man? Even if it's one man, I think that i's actually LESS likely that she's having a romantic affair, but that she feels more comfortable having sex one-on-one, rather than being watched.

Have you considered MFM threesomes, and otherwise playing together? If she has a steady play friend, it's going to feel awkward to have you join in. Third-wheel dynamic. Maybe find someone to play with together.

Or perhaps she's more comfortable keeping her current situation.

[Cdncuck]

You could speak with her and try for a pause but your situation doesn't sound good. If both of you could agree, counseling might be one option. We haven't heard your wife's point of view but it looks to me as if the hotwife situation is only one of the problems. There are very likely other things happening within the relationship.

[4incheslong]

This is a tough spot. Letting her play but not getting anything from it. If you stop it will you like the vanilla sex? If you stop it she could just cheat. My wife thought it was hotter if I didn't know. I can see that, wish I had let it go on.

[Anonymousrob]

This is a tough spot. Letting her play but not getting anything from it. If you stop it will you like the vanilla sex? If you stop it she could just cheat. My wife thought it was hotter if I didn't know. I can see that, wish I had let it go on.

I’m not really sure. She wants me to know, I guess. She usually does. Last night was the first time that had happened but I’ve seen a trajectory that I don’t necessarily want to be a part of

[parklife]

Hello all. I am looking for some advice, and not the usual “this is your life now, you deserve this” bullshit. I’m genuinely curious what you guys think.
…

What do you guys think?

I think before you have a conversation with her, you need to have one with yourself and figure out what your real needs are and what you’re in this for from your perspective. I’m not sure it’s clear.

I think k you need to decide what is truly important and what this serves for you. Once you do that and have a fit n grasp, then you can talk with her. Relationships (vanilla or not) change and morph over time and as people in a relationship, we need to make personal decisions about or tolerate in that.. holding on to the past, morphing along with them, or deciding they no longer serve our purpose. But without really knowing what you need/want, you may be clouded by what you had/desired.

I’ll use my situation as an example but it is in no way meant to be the only way or even the right way…. Just a way.

When we started, my wife had a FWB that was an old fling from her youth. We didn’t have ‘rules’ per se, but we did have understandings. Condoms, I’d know… she agreed to pics or videos. I mentioned that if she was going to go thru with it, I’d feel better with her having more than one FWB as it would feel ‘safer’ to me. She didn’t rather out that way but eventually added a second friend.

Her first time they started with a condom but soon removed it. He came outside of her but after 3-4 times like that (startin tv and removing because he had a hard time staying hard) my wife told me she was done…. With the condom thing. She got an iud and 30 days after it was put in. They never used a condom again. While I do still own three videos and two photos, they never took them. She said it always slipped her mind or would take her out of the experience. I understood.

Anyway, over the years, things morphed and changed… her original FWB left, she had an on and off again relationship with the other guy and someone that was a close friend at one point stepped over the benefit line. This was different… she didn’t want my questions, didn’t want to indulge in my fantasy world, this was about her and what she wanted. I was a bit in a place like you are in now. Questioning where we stood, what was in it for me, what did this mean for us, etc…

Ultimately, I realize that compersion is real and when it comes dow to it, I felt happy (and aroused) just knowing she was having a good time and enjoying it all. Our relationship together didn’t suffer and I changed my perspective about what was important. Videos and pics weren’t important…. Feeling close to her was. Reclaiming (while never a huge part of our reconnection) meant less and less. Those elements were as essential to me as they were before. My wife being able to express herself and sharing that with me was what made me feel right about everything.

Not saying any of this is specifically pertaining to you but before you confront and potentially stop what is happen in, just make sure you aren’t confusing your wants with your needs. Yes, I spent a lot of time wanting pics and videos and reclaim sex but in the end, that was asmr really what I needed. I needed the drug of compersion to satisfy what I was really looking for in our relationship.


God luck. Take a pause of your need, just don’t throw it all away because you’re dealing with some changes to your relationship you were quite ready to deal with…

[Anonymousrob]

I’ll use my situation as an example but it is in no way meant to be the only way or even the right way…. Just a way.
…
God luck. Take a pause of your need, just don’t throw it all away because you’re dealing with some changes to your relationship you were quite ready to deal with…

I get what you’re saying. While I love watching her and comparison is definitely a real thing, I want more than just that out of this. I want to enjoy the lifestyle as well. I think you’re right though. I need to really sit down and think about stuff before I talk to her.

[kellycuckoldsmark]

I was going to comment yesterday but glad I waited as I think Parklife is spot on and I remember reading his own journey. My recommendation is most definitely think through where you are at and what you want. I think it's really important to think through if the foundations of your marriage are as strong as you believe they are - and would she say the same thing.

Yes, some will say as a cuck you just allow your wife to do what she wants but reading your post it doesn't read like that's the sort of cuck you are or relationship you want (I am the same). If you are though and your marriage is strong and no chance of losing her then you can comply and find your own ways to enjoy her lifestyle without putting any requests or pressure on her.

If you aren't then as Parklife said determine what you want. You definitely need to both be very clear minded when you have the conversation and you can't be judgemental. You have both enjoyed this journey - and she still is - but you need to calmly and rationally explain how you feel and why you feel that way. You want to support her choices but not at the expense of you. And your expense can't be about your enjoyment of her experiences. I think you are losing who you are/your soul and that is a very heavy burden to carry and price to pay.

Good luck with your path from here.

[Ready_to_Share]

I am shocked to see how many guys that claim to be cucks and wannabes with self serving intent. The lifestyle is about her and compersion.

Compersion is a positive emotion, often described as the opposite of jealousy, where one experiences happiness and joy seeing their partner's joy and happiness with another person. It's about deriving satisfaction from someone else's positive experiences, especially in intimate relationships, like seeing your partner happily with another partner.

[Anonymousrob]

I am shocked to see how many guys that claim to be cucks and wannabes with self serving intent. The lifestyle is about her and compersion.

Compersion is a positive emotion, often described as the opposite of jealousy, where one experiences happiness and joy seeing their partner's joy and happiness with another person. It's about deriving satisfaction from someone else's positive experiences, especially in intimate relationships, like seeing your partner happily with another partner.

lol. I understand that. I’m not jealous of her playing with others. I am jealous of the experiences, if that makes sense. And even so, boundaries exist for a reason and this is a spectrum. I’m not okay with carte Blanche playing, even if some are.

[mick_flow]

Honestly the best course of action is communication. Sitting and explaining to your wife how this is making you feel.

I tried a version of what your wife is doing / suggesting with my wife. After a while it wasn’t hot any more. It was just lonely. Wana hang out on a Friday night? - wife is out on a date. Wana go doing something with the kids on Saturday - wife’s out with her date. Left me feeling like a roommate. Wasn’t for me.

But look, go talk to her. Explain the journey, explain how this is now making you feel. She loves you to bits, as you say, so she’s going to want to understand.

[surry]

There is a saying "Leading from the bottom." This mean you are at the bottom in your relationship. You have cannot ask or give advice because you are no longer on top. She is. She has lost respect for you and you both do not know how to stop it. You can read about this is Female Led Relationships. You both need get your marriage in order before it is too late.

[Anonymousrob]

There is a saying "Leading from the bottom." This mean you are at the bottom in your relationship. You have cannot ask or give advice because you are no longer on top. She is. She has lost respect for you and you both do not know how to stop it. You can read about this is Female Led Relationships. You both need get your marriage in order before it is too late.

Here’s the thing. I am curious about the FLR aspect but she wants me to be dominant still. She won’t embrace any other aspect of the FLR except playing with others so…

[Parsifal]

A hotwife is still a wife. If she won't or can't compromise to make the marriage a happy, fulfilling one for you too, then consider not just ending the lifestyle but the marriage along with it. I raise this more dire alternative outcome because she might not accept it stopping cold turkey. Cutting out the tumor won't cure the cancer if it's already too rooted everywhere. The risk is she'll just become sullen, withdrawn, rebel, and cheat. Your marriage is in an existential crisis, and it's up to the two of you to work out a solution if you can.

Let me say I completely agree with your feeling about not signing on for her having a free-for-all if that spoils the marriage for you. Some couples bargain for the wife being free. You didn't. Your feelings count. It's not all about her at your expense. Ask yourself how many women who have these kinds of hotwifing freedoms would just love for their husbands to be poking every other female he had a fancy for while she stewed in "negative" jealousy. Most hotwives aren't compersive, if you've noticed.

I'm not saying your arrangement needs to be symmetrical. By definition, hotwifing is asymmetrical. Swinging is symmetrical. But it needn't be all her while you take one (or many) for the team. If she loves you and her marriage with you, she will want to protect your feelings and work with you to set up her play in ways you enjoy too, either with you as a participant or through a kind of reclaim that brings the erotic energy of her adventures back home for the two of you to share together.

[Dream Weaver]

Definitely you need to talk and regroup.

All these opinion on if she is being greedy or selfish or whatever. She’s neck deep in this, it’s probably hard for her to see the forest from the trees.

If she loves you she’ll listen and be reasonable. This shouldn’t be a bedroom conversation. This needs to be had over dinner at a nice place or something similar.

It doesn’t strike me as a solution to go deeper into the kink.

[Cgb29]

Definitely you need to talk and regroup.

All these opinion on if she is being greedy or selfish or whatever. She’s neck deep in this, it’s probably hard for her to see the forest from the trees.

If she loves you she’ll listen and be reasonable. This shouldn’t be a bedroom conversation. This needs to be had over dinner at a nice place or something similar.

It doesn’t strike me as a solution to go deeper into the kink.

I'm only commenting to say this is the best advice here. It's really human advice, not stuck-in-the-fantasy advice.

[Anonymousrob]

Definitely you need to talk and regroup.

All these opinion on if she is being greedy or selfish or whatever. She’s neck deep in this, it’s probably hard for her to see the forest from the trees.

If she loves you she’ll listen and be reasonable. This shouldn’t be a bedroom conversation. This needs to be had over dinner at a nice place or something similar.

It doesn’t strike me as a solution to go deeper into the kink.

I'm only commenting to say this is the best advice here. It's really human advice, not stuck-in-the-fantasy advice.

Thanks. Yeah, after a few years in this lifestyle, you get used to a lot of the fantasy laden BS advice and can sort through it but it’s always nice to be reassured that you aren’t crazy lol

[elina]

Dear Rob

I only found this thread now.

You obviously already had some good advice I think.
What I am missing here is insight into how Rachel is perceiving the current situation.

Does Rachel think everything is OK?

I would suggest the first thing for you to do is to sit down with Her and ask Her about Her perspective of where your relationship is headed. And then tell Her that you are not happy with how things are working right now and what She thinks about that.

Good luck
Sincere regards
elina

[Anonymousrob]

Dear Rob

I only found this thread now.

You obviously already had some good advice I think.
What I am missing here is insight into how Rachel is perceiving the current situation.

Does Rachel think everything is OK?

I would suggest the first thing for you to do is to sit down with Her and ask Her about Her perspective of where your relationship is headed. And then tell Her that you are not happy with how things are working right now and what She thinks about that.

Good luck
Sincere regards
elina

We have discussed it at great length. Last night we had a talk again that has carried into today and I think she gets it. We shall see, but I’m cautiously optimistic.