Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[Wantsomefunto]

I think you should talk to him and say you would be interested to see how far she will let him go if he tries to have sex with her next time they are together

[wannabecUKold]

Thanks for the lengthy response, sorry if you don't feel like I considered your encouragement properly.

No problem. I wanted to air a range of possible factors. Thanks for considering them and replying. I look forward to seeing where this goes.

[hubudig2]

I do find myself considering aspects I don't want to consider and suppressing conclusions I come to. Like sometimes I'll find myself considering whether it'd be better if they cheat on me and then I snap out of it and have a reality check that I don't actually want this. That feeling of impending acceptance is scary, I'm definitely worried about where it's going and where it ends.

Don't let the other responses scare you. It doesn't sound like you'll want to pursue anything real anytime soon.
It's more likely that you'll always look back at this situation as being the pinnacle of your fantasies, the golden missed opportunity, your memory will exaggerate how hot it might've been. Things change, chances are that this situation won't last, your friend might get into a serious relationship, people can lose touch, your girlfriend might not always be so keen to try things, she might become body-conscious or something. Once you realise the situation is no longer an option, you might find that's when you finally realise you want it to happen. I'm not saying this to scare you into not missing opportunities, I've just heard of it happening like that a lot.

Definitely a big part of what scares me is that she would run away with it. I used to watch cuckold porn and consider that it was hot for a woman to be that way but couldn't understand how a guy would allow her to and how he could do the things she tells him to. I didn't want a woman to treat me like that and didn't want my girlfriend to be like that. Now I can imagine that she would act like that if she knew I was turned on by it which is an angle I didn't consider before. I still don't want to be treated like that but it does turn me on and I'm reluctant to admit that I'd probably do as she asks and get turned on in the process. If that sounds confusing, it's because it is to me too

It makes sense. It's funny how these things can be there all along but you just never looked at them in a particular way.

As a bull, how do you feel about a guy when you find out he's a cuck? Does your respect for him change? Do you pity him?

It's difficult to explain and I'm probably not like most other bulls.
I consider all guys to be potential cucks so it doesn't make too much difference.
Let's say for a guy who wants me to fuck his wife, it's probably similar to comparing how most guys see men different to women.
Do I respect women less? No. I see them the same except for in a sexual context.
If a guy asks me to fuck his wife, it's probably similar to a woman offering to suck my cock, I don't respect them less, I'm flattered and turned on by it.
Do I pity them? I wouldn't choose to be in their role but that doesn't mean I pity them, different people enjoy different roles and I love that 3 people can enjoy the same scenario for different reasons.

When you're fucking his wife/gf, how do you feel about him then? Do you ever consider stealing his wife/gf?

I like the wife to be my sub and the husband to be hers.
I might treat them both like my bitches if that's what they're into but that doesn't mean I respect them any less.
If anything I respect them more for accepting what they're into despite societal expectations.
The guys I respect least are the ones who claim to be "alpha".

It crosses my mind that I might be able to "steal" a wife/gf but only as an ego boost, I've never actually considered doing it.

[anondesires]

Sorry you are struggling with your feelings and cravings. Any kind of sex fantasies can be addicting. I would say for most is to be honest with yourself and communicate with your g partner. Maybe she also is having thoughts about trying other guys and bigger cocks? Ask her? Let her know it’s are for her to tell you anything and build a strong relationship. Maybe even mention that you think your friend is going and ask if she has noticed or got to feel it against her.

I'm sure she has had thoughts about trying other guys and bigger cocks.
I would like to talk to her about it but I don't know how to yet without risking her realising that I'm turned on by this.
I've contemplated asking her if she's noticed his cock, I'm just cautious about where that could lead to.

Thanks

[mattyg_2671]

If you want to open the discussion with her in a non-threatening way, you could try the “I had a weird dream last night” approach.

[anondesires]

I can't imagine how much more difficult it must've been to come to terms with it while coming to terms with her cheating in front of you too. What happened after that? Did you stay together? Did it continue to happen?

It's comforting to hear that you eventually got over the shame and confusion.

So your wife won't cuck you but she has had an affair? Why did she have an affair instead of cucking you? I don't understand.

Thanks

[anondesires]

No problem. I wanted to air a range of possible factors. Thanks for considering them and replying. I look forward to seeing where this goes.

Something you said has kind of stuck in my mind since I tried to reply to it. You asked if I could say “I really love having a small dick. I really want another man’s bigger cock inside my gf. I feel this is right for me”. My gut reaction rejected this, I started to say "I'd rather my dick was bigger" but then paused to consider that I don't think I do which confuses me. Let me mull this over and I'll get back to you.

[Wantsomefunto]

I think telling her you had a dream that she was with your friend is a good way to break the ice. That would be a good time to ask her if she thinks he is hung and if she says yes, why she thinks he is bigger than you.

[mattyg_2671]

Or find a story on Literotica that you like, tell her you found it hot and ask her to read it and see what she thinks.

[anondesires]

It sounds more believable that I could start wanting this for real when the opportunity/threat is gone. It's probably easier to focus on the erotic side of it than worry about the implications that way. It does seem like a very distant future thing.

The only angle I can see in cuckold porn now is that angle, that she would do that to me. I don't think I was capable of seeing it like that before because I don't think she'd do it unless she knew it turned me on which it didn't at the time. I think the whole porn cuckolding thing seemed too farfetched and unimaginable before too, I didn't think of porn dicks existing outside of porn

Thanks for trying to explain the respect thing.
I'm still confused but I don't think I asked the right questions, I don't think I even know what I'm trying to ask.
I guess I'd like to know what my friend would think if he found out but probably only he could answer that.

[wannabecUKold]

Your friend would be delighted ofc. His attention would be focussed on your gorgeous gf. Probably wouldn’t pay you much attention at the outset. If he’s an asshole he will denigrate you. If he is more thoughtful he will get it. And be respectful of your personal confidence in letting your girl fuck. But, sure, even so, he might well start trying to throw his weight around. But you will have made your position clear with your gf.

I think it is relatively easy to air the topic generally with her: there’s a lot about open relationships on tv and in the media. Just ask her what she thinks. Make sure you never mock the idea. Aim to get her to understand which way you might lean. Get her to tell you where she is on this, neither of you having fixed committed views. Then you can have your dream sequence etc and trigger it when you are ready.

[realcucklife]

You have to talk to her.
If your going to play in this game it all about the ability to communicate now, and in the future.

[realcucklife]

You have to talk to her.
If your going to play in this game it all about the ability to communicate now, and in the future.
The one rule must be open communication, any other rules just become things to bend and break, if you cant discuss it will create grief.

Introducing the discussion can be done with a video, or something you read that you can share, but given you have had discussions in the past, your just re+visiting those.

Flag that given his comments, and the flirting you think you’re now open and like the idea of a threesome with another guy, and you’d like to take a more submissive role/cuckold role.

I’d suggest that you explain your mate has opened up the idea, but clearly it shouldn’t be him, if you consider him to be too close.

Remember this is all just a bit of bedroom fun, if you love and respect each other and communicate, you are helping each other explore and encourage each other’s desires, don’t be ashamed of that, don’t fear it, its not cuck porn which is not real life.

Your real presence and personality doesn’t change, a lot of cucks are alpha dominant people, and still that way in the bedroom, we just like mixing things up, the thrill of something naughty, you’re secret life, the simile on both your faces when your mate tries to flirt, and your thinking if only he knew that another guy was fucking her last night, but it won’t be for him.

[tiedyeHotwife]

You said "Don't ever make a decision while horny or fucking", I've managed to do that so far but have been tempted to say things when we're having sex and then afterwards it scares me what I almost said. I can only try to follow that advice but it's definitely something that worries me.

I was a very slow and reluctant "hotwife" in the making.
My only regret is how resistant I was to it all.
But it was a SLOW process.

One of the most fun things is actually getting crazy pushing the boundries while fucking my husband. Hearing his hottest desires.
Telling him I am going to do those things "even if you back up later".
"no take backs" is a hot game.

But it takes your wife being good at really knowing where the boundries are and being careful with them.
In your situation, you probably really do risk her fucking him and things getting out of hand.
Which is why I urge caution and taking things REALLY slow.

quick example -
I know my husband was hot for the fantasy of me getting fucked behind his back, walking in the door late dressed like a slut,
and slamming my cum filled pussy down on his hard cock and being unapologetic about getting fucked behind his back.
Its a hot fantasy and one that I knew never to do.

Well I actually did it a few months ago but that was 15 years into the journey and I knew it would be fun and fine after the fact.

Its all a process, a progression.

Years ago, before I started, there was a post here that basically said "she can't un-fuck him". "Careful what you wish for".
I'm always amazing how subtle things change with each new experience.
She WILL NOT be the same women afterward. The change may be small - or she may be unrecognizable after a year of this.
I know I am certainly not the same.

[OrlandoCPL]

Having lost my wife when she finally went in on cuckolding me (after cheating on me a lot previously), I urge caution. You are young, not married and you haven't committed to life together. We had and it still ended. Now, to be fair, that ended up for the best for a lot of reasons. I think we're both happier now. But it did still end.

What I took away reading your posts was the amount of times you referenced they would flirt and look for your reaction. The time he smacked her ass, they looked for your reaction. It's clear you know he wants to fuck her. You said you think she wants to fuck him. My worry is that they could already be fucking and the whole looking for your reactions is to see if you are ok with that being in the open. That might be completely off, but I do wonder.

I don't think you've told us your experience and hers. Are you her first? Has she been with many other guys? Maybe she's already done the big cock thing and doesn't really care for it?

You are also 100% right that most of the reaction will be to try to make it happen and for them to fuck. That's very easy for a bunch of horny people online to wish for. We all love hot stories! But this is your actual life. It's not a porn movie or porn story. That's why you should ignore those who are telling you to tell him or to give them chances to fuck. If you get there and want that, great! But if you are even still somewhat unsure, steer clear!

Best of luck figuring it out. This is a confusing, taboo world. In the end, it's really about what you and her want together as a couple. Not what anyone on here wants.

[MrPepeLePew]

I was around your age when I first found out I was a cuck, although I didn't know it had a name and didn't know it was a thing. I drove her to an ex boyfriends house for a house party and he put his hand on her ass and she had her arm around him while chatting with someone else. Nobody else I knew was there so I didn't have to pretend to be jealous. It progressed over time until I was taking her over to his place every Friday night. They'd go upstairs for an hour or so and then we'd leave. I knew they were having sex but I played dumb for as long as I could because it really turned me on.

I tend to agree that if you have these feelings now they will probably intensify over time.

One thing you can try if you don't want to talk to her is help create opportunities where things can potentially happen. You can ask him what he thinks might look hot on her, then buy that thing and have her wear it around him and go from there.

He sounds like he's looking for opportunities to express his Dominance so find ways to encourage that and see what happens. Maybe find a way to thank him later for making her feel sexy. Mention to her how fun it is seeing her getting flirted with. It could be an experiment if nothing else.

[OrlandoCPL]

My apologies, I missed that you had written she was adventurous. If I can ask, what does that mean?

My current partner had some adventures before we met and now she's kind of over all of that. She enjoys some fantasies and teasing, but that's where we've left it for now.

I just also think you are both so young that this could be both of you wondering what else is out there in the world of sex. It's been a bit shocking to me to hear my teenager regularly talking about how kids at school are having sex now. Maybe I just missed out, but everything seems to be happening more and earlier than back in my day!

[elina]

Dear Anondesires

Several posters have touched upon this, but the one thing I would emphasize here is that you need there is one fact of life that I think is useful to reflect upon and contemplate how that will impact what you should emphasize when you do talk to Your Wonderful Girlfriend.

Fact of life:
For a relationship to last, both parties needs to be happy in the relationship.

If you really want to marry and have a long term relationship with the very attractive and adventourous Lady you have now been fortunate to establish a relationship with, you have to ask what you are willing to do to make Her happy.

From experience, most Ladies likes to be in a relationship with a guy who truly want Her to be happy, a guy who will look at opportunities to surprise Her and demonstrate his love and devotion for Her.

Given that your Girlfriend has been wild in the past, and is evidently used to and highly appreciating guys hitting at Her even when you are witnessing, you have to find out what She is looking for in you. She did enter a relationship with you. Obviously She would have lots of candidates to choose from. So maybe try to understand what made Her choose you, and what it will take for Her to continue to choose to be in a relationship with Her?

Also, If you decide to disclose your cuckholding fantasies. Be honest but don't necessarily tell Her the whole truth on day one. Emphasize that you are in love with Her, that you truly want Her to be happy, that you are not happy with having a dick on the smaller side an cumming long before She wants you to. She knows all of this for sure, but talking with Her along these lines may make Her more receptive to the message. Also raise the topic of jealousy. But to me, jealousy is at heart a very natural reaction; it is the fear of loosing something which is really dear and important to us. If you explain jealousy in these terms, you may be able to have a constructive discussion on what you could do to handle it, but also how She can help you handle it and channel it into a deeper feeling of love for Her.

Sincerely
elina

[anondesires]

Last night my friend was telling me about and showing me photos of the girl he fucked on Friday night. An idea popped into my head that seemed risk free. I'd never done this before but mimicking what he usually says I offered to fuck her for him so that he can watch and see how a real man with a real dick fucks her. I tried to throw in some of his usual demonstrations and phrases, saying how he'd be in awe and his dick would be hard watching etc.

He interrupted with "I don't think your girlfriend would allow it, given how you're pussy-whipped and all". He then went on to say that the "little slut" (my girlfriend) would probably be down if it meant she got to take his dick at the same time, allowing me to fuck his tinder date would be a small price to pay in order to sample the best there is bla bla bla... I interrupted with (none of this conversation is serious btw) "like swinging?". He was like "well... like swinging I guess, except you wouldn't be able to stop watching me with your girlfriend, [his tinder date] would realise she drew the short straw and join us instead. You'd probably just watch and beat your meat while I pound both of them..."

This description went on for a while, I don't remember the exact details, just the pictures he painted for me. I realised I was feeling the same as I felt when he slapped my girlfriend's ass, horny and unable to protest, I just listened and laughed when it seemed normal to do so. He didn't mention me in this "fantasy" until the end when he was talking about them being on their knees with their mouths open as he cums over their faces and they kiss and cum swap. He paused and started saying they'd probably let me join in for a 3-way cum swap and then luckily got interrupted by something on his phone.

This doesn't really seem worth sharing but a few people asked me to keep posting and this is probably as interesting to me as it's going to get.

[anondesires]

No problem. I wanted to air a range of possible factors. Thanks for considering them and replying. I look forward to seeing where this goes.

Something you said has kind of stuck in my mind since I tried to reply to it. You asked if I could say “I really love having a small dick. I really want another man’s bigger cock inside my gf. I feel this is right for me”. My gut reaction rejected this, I started to say "I'd rather my dick was bigger" but then paused to consider that I don't think I do which confuses me. Let me mull this over and I'll get back to you.

I've been thinking about this a lot for the last 3 days now. It's odd because my view doesn't seem to change much depending on if I'm horny or not. I can actually think about it and figure out how I feel unlike most of it which changes a lot. If I could somehow swap my dick for a porn dick, I wouldn't, it wouldn't feel right. Wearing an Olympic medal wouldn't make me an athlete and swapping out for a bigger dick wouldn't feel right in the same way. I also thought about if somehow everyone else's dicks got smaller meaning I was now "big". I wouldn't want that either, I like that bigger dicks exist. Part of me wants to think it'd be hot to have a bigger dick to see my girlfriend enjoy it which led to another realisation...

She likes to be dominated, she likes to submit, I enjoy seeing her do those things and allowing her to enjoy those things but I think it's always felt like roleplay and a little bit awkward. Does anyone else know what I mean? Has anyone felt like this? I'm doing what I think she would like, what I think a dominant guy would do. At first, it felt like I was learning and that every guy would have to learn to do these things but after years I now realise that I don't enjoy being dominant, I just enjoy that she enjoys it and I assume guys that are genuinely dominant don't feel like they're roleplaying, don't feel awkward about treating her rough and actually enjoy being dominant?

Maybe this is part of me accepting it but these realisations don't feel scary like the others. When I think about it in this context and imagine some generic big dicked naturally dominant guy making her submit to him, it's a hot idea, it doesn't feel wrong until I realise that makes me a cuck and then it all crashes down with feelings of shame.

[monraccoon]

in my experience, the woman can always read the man, intuitively. she’s not fooled. she will know that you’re turned on by the thought: our pheromones betray us. you will either be inside or outside of her erotic life. if she wants your friend, she will have him with or without you. you can be the one who opens the door for her, or be her gatekeeper, fearfully holding her away from her natural desires, or be oblivious when she opens it herself.

your friend sounds like a bully. all bullies are cowards at heart. still, he has experience playing the dominant role. maybe your girl is with you because she loves you for what you bring. you could allow her to get that itch scratched by someone like your friend which would free you to relax and to just be yourself with her.

it’s courageous and self-aware of you to even be here discussing your situation.

[elina]

.....

She likes to be dominated, she likes to submit, I enjoy seeing her do those things and allowing her to enjoy those things but I think it's always felt like roleplay and a little bit awkward. Does anyone else know what I mean? Has anyone felt like this? I'm doing what I think she would like, what I think a dominant guy would do. At first, it felt like I was learning and that every guy would have to learn to do these things but after years I now realise that I don't enjoy being dominant, I just enjoy that she enjoys it and I assume guys that are genuinely dominant don't feel like they're roleplaying, don't feel awkward about treating her rough and actually enjoy being dominant?

Yes,
my highest pleasure is to make my Wife happy.
I don't want to dominate Her, I want Her to dominate me, but She wants to feel a strong male taking Her, demonstrating that He just needs to have Her and want to take Her. Me, I ask politely and sometimes She will allow me. She still loves me as the father of our kids and for ensuring that She has a good life...

Maybe this is part of me accepting it but these realisations don't feel scary like the others. When I think about it in this context and imagine some generic big dicked naturally dominant guy making her submit to him, it's a hot idea, it doesn't feel wrong until I realise that makes me a cuck and then it all crashes down with feelings of shame.

This to me is a bit of a mystery. (I fully accept that this is how you feel, I am not arguing that you are wrong). But me, accepting I am submissive and that I would like that She could feel the joy of having a Real Male make love to Her feels natural. Yes it makes me a wannabe cuck, but I don't mind that.

Sincerely
elina

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum Monraccoon.

[monraccoon]

Welcome to the forum Monraccoon.

Thank you.
Happy to be here.

[anondesires]

My worry is that they could already be fucking and the whole looking for your reactions is to see if you are ok with that being in the open. That might be completely off, but I do wonder.

I'm not sure if I've been in denial about this up until recently or if I'm becoming paranoid. Some of the things he said last night and the way he said them have got me wondering and remembering other things that now seem suspicious. He seems to have much less respect for her lately. He never used to call her a slut, he used to talk about her like he would like to do things with her but it was a pipe dream. Now he talks about doing things with her as if he could make it happen but he's never made any reference to whether she's attracted to him or not. The way he physically handles her as if he knows she won't resist also seems suspicious. I'm starting to think he knows something, he's keeping her secret from me or something.