Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[elina]

Dear Anondesires

Thanks for your replies. It is really wonderful to see how the two of you are growing together.

......
She thought it was hot that I was edging myself, hoping she was being a slut while waiting for her to get home. She likened it to how she felt like she was being edged for months by me, fucking her until she was close to cumming but not giving her a proper release. She said for the first couple of years, she thought her slutty urges were behind her but in the last few months they've come back with interest.

That actually makes a lot of sense to me. She tried very hard to put Her slutty days behind Her because She so much wanted to be with you, have a long term relationship with you. Then inadvertently, She discovered your hidden cuckold desires and now She has a pent-up demand for males who will not just edge Her, but really provide Her with the kind of orgasms I am sure She was used to having. At the same time, She obviously still desires to be with you, to keep you as Her Boyfriend because the males who provides Her with the orgasms She needs is incapable of loving Her like you can. You saw that in person when Her Ex came over to fuck Her the night She made you Her cuckold.

Now it seems like She feels She is entitled to edge you and essentially train you to enjoy being Her cuckold. And deep down, you are starting to fully realize this is true I think.

.....

She urged me to suck it so we could both cum. She slowly ramped up to edging me again, telling me how hot it would be for her, that it doesn't mean anything. She got close to the edge, told me I wasn't cumming unless I did it. In desperation I did it, she was elated but slowed down her strokes. She said I had to suck it properly, like I wanted him to cum, she was matching my pace. In desperation, I picked up the pace and came hard, she came a few seconds after, telling me how hot it was but I was deep in shame by then.

A few minutes later she apologised but still insisted it was really hot for her and thanked me for doing it for her.

Anondesires, has Your Girlfriend made you promise only to cum when She wants you to?

The text there somehow indicates this but I don't think I have seen you describe this?
If you have made such a commitment I think it is wonderful and clearly shows your Girlfriend how committed you are to Her and to please Her. It is a very romantic gesture in a Hotwife/Cuckoldress - cuckold relationship. And clearly you seem to be having much more intense orgasms this way.

Finally, your Girlfriend pushing you to suck the dildo, pretending it was the cock of your friend, then appologizing for forcing you but letting you understand how hot that was for Her is a very powerful way to plant a seed that might (I am not saying it will) make you want to do it some time in the future. Not because you want to, but because it is a way to please your Girlfriend. If your friend would like for that to happen, nobody knows yet. If anyone can find out it is clearly your Girlfriend!!

Sincerely
elina

[anondesires]

Anondesires, has Your Girlfriend made you promise only to cum when She wants you to?

She said after hearing about my Friday night that she wanted to see me that frustrated again, I agreed not to cum for a while. Other than that, there hasn't been anything said about not being allowed to cum but we're so sexually active that there hasn't been any need to make ourselves cum for a long time now.

Finally, your Girlfriend pushing you to suck the dildo, pretending it was the cock of your friend, then appologizing for forcing you but letting you understand how hot that was for Her is a very powerful way to plant a seed that might (I am not saying it will) make you want to do it some time in the future. Not because you want to, but because it is a way to please your Girlfriend. If your friend would like for that to happen, nobody knows yet. If anyone can find out it is clearly your Girlfriend!!

I can't stress enough how much I DON'T want that to happen.

[Wantsomefunto]

Well you didn’t want the stap on thing to happen and she did it. I think you will do what she wants.

[anondesires]

Well you didn’t want the stap on thing to happen and she did it. I think you will do what she wants.

Luckily she didn't like or take to that one. I've made sure that is now hidden out of sight and out of mind.

[KevKevKev]

Why are you resistant to sucking on a dildo? It's just a piece of silicon. I can understand your hesitation about sucking a real cock, but it really isn't that bad. It would be weird to suck off your friend, though.

I'm enjoying this thread a lot. I like how you talk about how you feel and what you're thinking in these situations. I always feel like that's a really important aspect that some people don't write enough about. How do you feel about these things now that you're settling in? What parts are you enjoying or disliking?

[hubudig2]

I can't stress enough how much I DON'T want that to happen.

Did you start the topic "Fantasy evolution over time" after you came last night?
I notice this featured in your timeline when other fantasies didn't make the cut:

She tells me that the thought of me sucking a bigger cock turns her on, I get turned on by her telling me but don't know why.

You've described yourself as feeling "shameful and confused" in the aftermath.
I would put money on "confused" meaning that it felt good for you in some way or another, and why wouldn't it? She cooked up a perfect storm to make it enjoyable for both of you.
Tell me I'm wrong, or go edit your timeline to say what you realised had evolved yesterday.

She probably struggles with the shame of some her actions too. Have you talked about it?
It doesn't mean you did something wrong, you've just pushed some boundaries.

[Watchinu69]

Anondesires, and chance there's some of those sexy wife pics you took to share - thank you

[elina]

Anondesires, and chance there's some of those sexy wife pics you took to share - thank you

There is a catch-22 here.

Anondesires would like to keep this site to have people to interact with, helping him understand what is going on with him.
That can only happen if his Wonderful Girlfriend does not know he is on the site.

To post pictures of a Lady, you need to ask the Lady for Her consent.
Buts since Anondesires wants to keep this channel to himself (and that is a highly legitimate decision) he cannot possibly ask for concent, so no pictures. We shouldn't push for this.

Sincerely
elina

[wannabecUKold]

I realise I made some deliberate omissions there, I'm still feeling a bit shameful and confused. I realised after I posted that this is where I'm supposed to be able to say these things without judgement.

After he left, we were looking at the camera recording together and that led to another edging session. She had me confess that I wished more had happened. She grabbed her big dildo and teased me with it. I confessed I wished she had sucked his dick, so she sucked the dildo. I confessed I wished she had fucked him, she used the dildo on herself. She said now it was my turn to do something for her pleasure. She told me she wished I had sucked his dick and she offered the dildo covered in her pussy juices to me. I refused. She edged me and stopped. I was frustrated. She made me take the dildo from her so she could touch herself too. She urged me to suck it so we could both cum. She slowly ramped up to edging me again, telling me how hot it would be for her, that it doesn't mean anything. She got close to the edge, told me I wasn't cumming unless I did it. In desperation I did it, she was elated but slowed down her strokes. She said I had to suck it properly, like I wanted him to cum, she was matching my pace. In desperation, I picked up the pace and came hard, she came a few seconds after, telling me how hot it was but I was deep in shame by then.

A few minutes later she apologised but still insisted it was really hot for her and thanked me for doing it for her.

It really is not shameful to suck cock. Girls don’t find it shameful. You are doing it when you are in deep three-way sexual play. Nothing that you do between yourselves is shameful. I guess that you find the submission is shameful. Of course that is part of the whole cuckold process and the erotic high is incredible.
Physically cock sucking is not unpleasant. It’s fun to Jack a guy off by sucking him. Again, the girls know this.

Tell her that you will do it but not on your best friend at least to start with. She’s right to press on this because watching you do it will be such a thrill for her. Good luck.

[anondesires]

Why are you resistant to sucking on a dildo? It's just a piece of silicon. I can understand your hesitation about sucking a real cock, but it really isn't that bad. It would be weird to suck off your friend, though.

It's not about what it is, it's what it means, what it resembles, what path it puts me on, what I'm opening myself up to.
She isn't turned on by watching me suck a piece of silicon, she's imagining it's something else, she's telling me that it is something else and asking me to treat it accordingly. She's not turned on that she's convinced me to suck a piece of silicon, she's turned on that she's managed to corrupt me.

I'm enjoying this thread a lot. I like how you talk about how you feel and what you're thinking in these situations. I always feel like that's a really important aspect that some people don't write enough about. How do you feel about these things now that you're settling in? What parts are you enjoying or disliking?

I'm just trying to explain how I feel in the hope that people will identify with how I'm feeling and be able to share relevant advice based on their experiences. I'm also aware that a few months ago I was looking for experiences explaining what it feels like to go through this and wasn't able to find many.
I don't feel like I'm settling in, I feel like every time I regain my balance the floor drops away from underneath me. I feel like at some point we'll finish this crazy little experience and go back to normal but then I remember that this experience is now my normal. I convince myself that relationships that stay the same get boring, maybe all successful relationships have an element of discovering and exploring sexual dynamics together?

[Pecannut]

You are so right. Your life isn't boring now and you have a new connection to your wife. Enjoy the ride.

[Dream Weaver]

Why are you resistant to sucking on a dildo? It's just a piece of silicon. I can understand your hesitation about sucking a real cock, but it really isn't that bad. It would be weird to suck off your friend, though.

It's not about what it is, it's what it means, what it resembles, what path it puts me on, what I'm opening myself up to.
She isn't turned on by watching me suck a piece of silicon, she's imagining it's something else, she's telling me that it is something else and asking me to treat it accordingly. She's not turned on that she's convinced me to suck a piece of silicon, she's turned on that she's managed to corrupt me.

That’s what all men who ask their women to cuckold then do. Which makes sense as she’s the instigator. You feel how the women feel.

[avid fan]

Yeah the cock sucking is a big taboo because of social conditioning...I guess one alternative way of looking at it is 'would it corrupt your gf if you encouraged her to lick a pussy??'

I'm of the view that these taboo breaking events should be just taken me as hot sexy fun in the heat of passion... sucking a cock isn't going to make you gay no more than licking a pussy would suddenly turn a woman into a lesbian.

My suggestion is to go with the flow and enjoy the ride... you're lucky to have a woman willing to push these boundaries!

[anondesires]

Did you start the topic "Fantasy evolution over time" after you came last night?

I did, yes.

I notice this featured in your timeline when other fantasies didn't make the cut:

She tells me that the thought of me sucking a bigger cock turns her on, I get turned on by her telling me but don't know why.

It was on my mind, you're right.

You've described yourself as feeling "shameful and confused" in the aftermath.
I would put money on "confused" meaning that it felt good for you in some way or another, and why wouldn't it? She cooked up a perfect storm to make it enjoyable for both of you.

It pains me to admit that it did feel good but, as with before, I don't know why. I'll just tell it like it was for me... After 2 days of edging and teasing, I was feeling extremely frustrated and submissive. She wanted me to do something, it was clear that it was already turning her on a lot that I might do it, that made it tempting but even in this frustrated state I couldn't get over her imagining me sucking my friend's cock. When she stopped literally as I was about to cum, I don't know what came over me, I think part of me thought I would be sucking my own cock and somehow I would cum? It doesn't make sense now.

As the orgasm and frustration faded, I realised what I had done but could see the arousal and excitement in her. She started stroking my cock at the same speed, this again made part of me feel like I was somehow sucking my own cock but I was very aware that the dick in my mouth was much bigger and it felt even bigger than it looks when it's in your mouth. I was aware that she was watching intently and touching herself. I was also aware that she was imagining me sucking my friend's dick and I was imagining that too, imagining this is what it would be like for her to suck on him, to have her mouth so full. I think I had stopped caring about everything at this point which is a nice feeling in itself. My mind was kind of blank and I was being steered by the cause and effect of me sucking faster and deeper meaning my dick got stroked faster and deeper. I remember thinking that I wanted to make the dick cum. As I got close to cumming, I panicked a little to what cumming meant, I guess I thought I would cum in my mouth or something, it was all very mixed up. There was a huge release followed by huge shame and regret and I watched her finish herself off with her eyes closed, probably imagining me sucking a dick. I just watched her as I was in full shame mode. She was muttering things like "that was so fucking hot" as she was getting there and she came pretty hard.

She probably struggles with the shame of some her actions too. Have you talked about it?
It doesn't mean you did something wrong, you've just pushed some boundaries.

She does, we do talk about it. She said she struggled much more before she knew I was into it. She said that she felt shame about asking that guy to come and fuck her and she felt shame about sucking an old married stranger in his car having only known him for a few hours and knowing that he would probably brag to her colleague. She says that knowing I approve and enjoy it absorbs some of the shame for her.

[anondesires]

Last night felt like a closing of the old door or letting go of what we were or something. She was telling me how horny and frustrated she was, we started kissing and touching each other. She was wet, I went down on her, I got her close to cumming but not too close. We had sex, I managed to push through the tight, sensitive phase and put in what I thought was a decent performance. A year ago she would've cum for sure. She looked like she was enjoying it but there were no signs she was ever going to cum. I tried to engage her mind, doing things I know excited her, she enjoyed it but it wasn't the same. If I hadn't seen how she was with that guy a couple of weeks ago, I would've guessed that she was the one having problems.

I had a moment, looking down at my beautiful girlfriend, as always it felt like a privilege to fuck her, I didn't want it to end but this wasn't doing it for her and that meant it wasn't doing it for me either. I asked her if she thought she would cum, she thought about it (probably thought more about how to break it to me than whether she was going to) and looked sorry as she shook her head slowly. I asked her if my dick was too small, she looked me in the eyes like she was trying to understand. I asked again if my dick was too small to make her cum, she said yes nervously, still looking into my eyes for my reaction. The nervous honesty made it hit harder but it turned me on, I started pumping faster. I asked if a bigger dick would make her cum, she replied that I know it would, that I've seen what it does to her. She was more confident now, she'd figured out what I was asking and what it was doing to me. She said some more things about that time a couple of weeks ago, I can't remember exactly but I had the memory in my head of her cumming hard on his dick.

I wanted to cum but I also wanted to eat her pussy. I went down on her, the memory of him pumping his load into her beautiful pussy being all I could think about (it's so fucked up). She grabbed my head as she came. I went back to fucking her, meanwhile she had grabbed the dildo from the side table (where it lives permanently now) and started sucking on it seductively. I remembered that she had cum watching me suck it and now I was going to cum watching her suck it.

The realisation that even when I felt like I was able to give her everything, it still wasn't enough, is sad for me. It felt like a turning point though, up until now I was clinging onto the idea that if I was somehow able to fuck her like we used to, we could go back to how we were (as if there weren't other problems before). I can vividly remember giving her everything and feeling like I was awkwardly prolonging something for no reason. I have no reason to want to do that again and therefore, what I was clinging onto no longer exists.

Does this happen to other couples? That she gradually loses the ability to cum from sex with her partner? But can with other men?

[wannabecUKold]

Last night felt like a closing of the old door or letting go of what we were or something.
...
Does this happen to other couples? That she gradually loses the ability to cum from sex with her partner? But can with other men?

How beautifully expressed. Your account of what is happening between you is so clear, so true, so insightful.

Yes, you are letting go of the old, both of you but especially you. This is how it will be, going forward. And she knows that you accept it. As a result, you both will orgasm thinking about her being fucked by another man. She will love you all the more for your acceptance of your new status. This is how she wants you. You want the same.

It seems to me that she will now want to discuss the next opportunity she gets to be fucked.
The elephant in the room (or at least its trunk) is your so-called best friend. I fear she will want him. And she will want you to suck cock.

Yes it does happen to other couples. Once you have had an incredible orgasm high, little else cuts the mustard. The cuckold high is one of the greatest highs available.

[anondesires]

Yes, you are letting go of the old, both of you but especially you. This is how it will be, going forward. And she knows that you accept it. As a result, you both will orgasm thinking about her being fucked by another man. She will love you all the more for your acceptance of your new status. This is how she wants you. You want the same.

I can't explain how difficult and emotional this is, I don't think I've seen anyone else explain it either, or maybe I've just glossed over those parts. It makes me feel like this isn't the right thing for me, everyone else seems to know they want it and embrace it with excitement. I feel like I could cry but equally want to stroke my dick. The fact that we need some undeserving man that just happened to be born with a big cock to enjoy the highlights of my girlfriend while I'm forced to feel grateful to him for doing so.

It seems to me that she will now want to discuss the next opportunity she gets to be fucked.

That subject is never far away these days.

[anondesires]

Part of me wants to break up with her, move away and reset myself, find a girl that doesn't need more than I can offer. Is that normal? But then my head decides that if I'm breaking up with her, I should experience my friend fucking her first and pretend that I broke up with her for cheating. I hate this.

[elina]

Dear Anondesires.

Thank you for a very thoughtful, I would even say Beautiful, description of what happened between you and your Girlfriend yesterday. Yes, I think this does happen, but I agree with you, I have never seen someone describing as honestly and revealing the emotions quite like you did.

I think there are many things at play here, some of which you are highly aware of, others which you will perhaps only recognize with hindsigth. One aspect of this is that you now are starting to fully accept yourself as you are. Like many others of us, we are far from able to satisfy our Girlfriends and Wives the way they want to be satisfied. We may try our best, and for long the Lady will accept us since She clearly perceives we are making our best efforts and She loves us for other reasons. When I was trying to encourage my Wife to cuckold me; I did understand that I was not really able to satisfy Her; there were positions like the spooning position with me behind Her that She had clearly been able to enjoy with previous lovers; and I told Her I know my dick is to small for you; Her response was always: "I am not complaining". Deep down we know, our Wives for sure know. But they also have other priorities for a partner than just a big cock.

Your Girlfriend has now seen your cuckoldside, She has cuckolded you with an X with a huge cock and openly showed you how this provided Her with pleasure you can't give Her. She experienced the kind of Orgasms She craves while you watched and obviously was immensely sexually turned on by this. She has seen how you gradually changed your acceptance to this, how you gradually became more eager to satisfy Her by licking Her pussy.

She doesn't want to pretend any more. She needs this kind of sex, But at the same time, it is evident that She still loves you for who you are and want to keep you as Her partner.

Part of me wants to break up with her, move away and reset myself, find a girl that doesn't need more than I can offer. Is that normal? But then my head decides that if I'm breaking up with her, I should experience my friend fucking her first and pretend that I broke up with her for cheating. I hate this.

I can understand that very well. But if you are seriously thinking about this I think you should allow things to progress for a while before you do so. I think there is a very high probability that after a short period of time, you will deeply regret leaving. You will remember this Lady for a long time, possibly the rest of your life. And besides, do you honestly believe you will have no cuckold desires once you enter a new relationship?

Maybe the better approach is to see your Girlfriend as the Goddess She is and decide to continue to do the best you can for Her and experience that She continues to love you for what you are. Look at the quote below taken from a reply the OP of that post made to a comment from me. This is an older guy who has fully embraced his role as a cuckold, maybe over time you may come to view your attitude to your Girlfriend in the same way?

Thank you In a weird way I'm proud of my tiny dick

She loves putting me in my place and letting me know how inadequate my sexual performance is.. It's a role she's grown into and enjoyed as we've got older!

For me, it's as if a woman's body is like a musical instrument.. I could pick up the best guitar in the world and get some noise out of it - but it'll sound dreadful. However, give that guitar to someone who knows how to play it properly and it'll sound amazing. That's a huge part of this lifestyle for me- knowing that she gets to experience men who know how to play her properly..

Not saying this is easy for you no matter which route you choose, it is the end of the world for you, but that was a world based on not realizing some critical truths. Now you have the opportunity to grow in a new world build on full honesty between yourself and the Lady I think that deep down, you love more than ever. You will be allowed to show you how much you love Her by accepting Her cuckolding you since that is what She needs. It is a different kind of love than what you thought you were looking for, but it may still end up as the best that has happened to you.

just my thoughts and please continue to share.

Sincerely
elina

[KevKevKev]

This whole situation is moving faster than you can process emotionally. I'm afraid that it might break something inside you because of that.

It has only been a few weeks and you have gone from never having talked about cuckolding at all to her fucking an ex and blowing some random guy. You've also gone from no talking of or experience of male male interaction to being (nearly forcefully) pegged and later she had you suck on a dildo while pretending it was your friend. That's a lot to process, but she's given you no time to process anything. I can only imagine how much of a mind fuck it all is.

When you first talked about having an ex come over to fuck her you thought it would be a one off experience, but now it seems that you are inadequate and unable to satisfy her.

A number of years ago my wife purchased a vibrator and we started using it during sex. Prior to the vibrator she was able to cum with penetration, but she eventually was only able to cum from the vibrator. It really messed with my head and self confidence, and I was dealing with a little machine, not another person. I imagine it would have been a bigger problem if it was a person I was being measured up to.

I would hope that she would slow down a bit to let you catch up, but it doesn't seem like she's going to. Have you discussed that with her? She doesn't have to quit, but she needs to pump the brakes. I'm also really curious about her and how she's feeling about everything. Does she still see you the same way or has she lost respect for you?

I think that if you broke up with her you would regret it. Elina said it best when they asked you if you thought the cuckold urges would disappear if you broke up. I can tell you from experience that the urge will always be there.

[sucker00]

Part of me wants to break up with her, move away and reset myself, find a girl that doesn't need more than I can offer. Is that normal? But then my head decides that if I'm breaking up with her, I should experience my friend fucking her first and pretend that I broke up with her for cheating. I hate this.

The good news is, that you're not married to this girl, so there's not nasty legalities to drudge through if you decide that this is not the ship you want to be on. Before you delve into this though, you really need to figure out A) what you want in your life relative to this issue and B) what your girlfriend wants out of life.... so there's a very real discussion for you two to have here. That said, this not an out of the ordinary discussion for a couple to have before deciding if they're going to hitch their wagons up, so to speak.. you just have the added complexity of the sex situation going on. But, you and your GF really need to decide whether the sex or your relationship to one another is more important. Just my 2 pennies.

[ppisbest5]

Part of me wants to break up with her, move away and reset myself, find a girl that doesn't need more than I can offer. Is that normal? But then my head decides that if I'm breaking up with her, I should experience my friend fucking her first and pretend that I broke up with her for cheating. I hate this.

I'm not gonna pretend to know what it's like being in your place since the only relationship I've been in was pretty Vanilla, but I really feel like if I was in your place I would be having the exact same thoughts at you. Idk how it would exactly be but yeah id pretty much want to end that relationship. Your point about someone undeserving that's born with a bigger dick gets to experience your woman's highest points is too real. There are a lot of people here who are gonna be on the 'embrace it's wagon but I'm gonna go the other way and tell you it's probably not gonna be worth it.

About your point on letting her and your friend have sex and then break up, that's up to you but just make sure that you are completely sure about wanting that to happen cause instead of just breaking up with her, you could end up resenting him and it would wreck 2 relationships instead of just one.

I hope I don't get trashed for being my thoughts as this is a cuckold forum but just my 2 cents. I hope you end up happy whatever happens.

[sandy691196]

Part of me wants to break up with her, move away and reset myself, find a girl that doesn't need more than I can offer. Is that normal? But then my head decides that if I'm breaking up with her, I should experience my friend fucking her first and pretend that I broke up with her for cheating. I hate this.

All this is not fair on her dude. It was your fantasy too!

Whats her fault exactly?

[venus-can99]

anondesires - thanks for expressing your feelings very well. It appears that you have given her the agency to be open with you about her sexual desires because IMO she feels that she can trust you to support her fully. Sex is just one part of a relationship - there are so many other things. I believe your relationship has to be strong if you commit to this LS otherwise it will expose the cracks and fall apart. I would suggest that both of you discuss what you want from your relationship overall besides the sex. Just my 2 cents - I am not in the LS, so perhaps others can give better guidance

[King_Mr]

This is an amazing thread, but I’m surprised at the speed your fantasies have come to fruition. My suggestion is to slow this down. And maybe focus in on one key fantasy- her fucking your friend. Don’t involve any other men for now. It’s clear that fucking your friend is the thing that massively turns you on here. Set some boundaries and take it one step at a time. I’m the same age as you, so feel free to message for any support.