Recently started getting fantasies. How to cope with it?

[anondesires]

I've been lurking on this forum for a couple of months now, searching for answers, trying to understand how others might have dealt with a situation similar to my own.
I'm nervous to be writing this, as if doing so is acceptance of everything I've essentially been in denial about for a while now.
A bit of background about me, I'm 25, my girlfriend is 24, we've been together for 4 years now.
Until a few months ago, cuckold fantasies were not something I had ever considered I might get. I've known about cuckolding since my early teens when I stumbled upon cuckold porn. It's not been something I was all that into, I found something about the way the women are in those videos hot but it wasn't something I wanted for myself.

My best friend since school has always liked to joke about fucking other guys' girlfriends/sisters/mums while they watch, I'm not entirely sure why, it's mildly amusing sometimes but everyone just accepts it's something he likes to joke about. He'll often call guys cucks (which isn't uncommon with most people I know) and he'll joke about how they'll be in awe as they witness his "prowess", stroking their dicks in arousal. He'll do all kinds of actions and impressions, I thought he'd have grown out of it by now .
I was never the target of these jokes until I got with my current girlfriend. As he says, she's out of my league and I know it. He loves to tell me what he'd love to do with her, how I'd watch in awe, how grateful she'd be etc. I never found this arousing or considered that I could get aroused by it before. I just took it as a joke, a compliment to me and her and kinda laughed it off. He also likes to jokingly flirt with her in front of me and she will jokingly flirt back, both of them trying to provoke a response from me but I just roll my eyes and try not to encourage it.

About 6 months ago he broke up with his long term girlfriend and has been on Tinder since. Around Christmas time he was showing me photos of some of the girls he had been with or had been chatting to. I was flicking through the photos on his phone (he wasn't watching) and came across a dick pic. I quickly flicked passed it but for some reason went back to it. I guess it didn't seem real and I felt the need to check why. It was definitely him but his dick was huge, not just long but girthy, veiny and with a big head on it. I paused for a moment, assuming it was fake but couldn't see anything fake about it. I carried on flicking through photos and found another 2 dick pics, same huge dick from different angles. He had always bragged about having a massive dick but I just assumed it was a joke, I never had any reason to believe he wasn't average. I carried on looking at the girl photos, handed the phone back and didn't give it another thought.

The next time my girlfriend and I were having sex, I looked down at my humble dick between her pussy lips and this thought entered my head that I couldn't shake. I wondered how much his dick would stretch her lips, how erotic it would look to see that big cock inside her, how much more she might enjoy it. I was shocked to be thinking about it, I tried to think about something else but kept coming back to it, imagining her on her knees sucking on it etc. The thoughts made my dick harder and more sensitive, it felt good and I came hard a few seconds later. She looked at me all confused, asked if I was ok, I tried to shrug it off but felt immense shame for thinking about it and for enjoying the thought. I tried to convince myself it was a one-off, a freak thing that wouldn't happen again but I avoided sex for a few days, I think because I was afraid what it might mean if those thoughts reoccured.

A few days later the same thing happened, the session ended early because the thought entered my head and made me cum again. I was scared that I couldn't resist or control my thoughts. Unless I was horny, it was the worst thing imaginable. As soon as I was horny, it was impossible not to think about. I avoided masturbation for a few weeks but everytime we had sex the thoughts were there waiting for me, becoming more vivid and extreme. I wanted something to prove to myself that I wasn't a cuckold. I hesitantly searched for some cuckold porn, something where the actors looked similar to us. I convinced myself that I wouldn't be turned on by it, wouldn't want it to be us. That day I saw cuckold porn in a new light, it hit hard and fast. I resisted stroking, knowing how shameful it would be to stroke myself to the thought of my best friend ploughing my girlfriend. I was constantly trying to rationalise that I didn't want it but I did. I couldn't stop watching, couldn't stop imagining, before I knew it my dick was in my hand and I was shooting ropes of cum. Before I had barely finished cumming, I realised what I had just done, the porn was still playing, the thoughts I was enjoying just seconds ago felt like a punch to the gut, like the worst imaginable situation. I closed the porn and tried to busy myself with whatever I could to take my mind off it.

A few hours later I felt like I needed to watch some more cuckold porn to "prove that I didn't want it" again. This time I picked something with a different looking bull, I guess thinking it would be easier or at least not make me think of it being him. The same thing happened again and everytime since. Sex too has followed the same pattern, me trying to focus on her but inevitably my mind gets hijacked and things are cut short by me getting over excited.

One thing was clear at least, that I in no way wanted this to happen for real, as long as I wasn't horny at least. In my head I was sure that if they were to do anything more than joke flirting I would put a stop to it. This was tested a few weeks ago when, I can't remember why but she bent over near him with her back to him. He stood up, said something jokingly provocative to her, she turned to smile at me as he got behind her, pulled her ass into his crotch by her shoulder and slapped her ass. She let out a little whimper and they both giggled, looking at me to gauge my reaction. This wasn't overly unusual but has gone up a level since he's been single. The difference is I wanted to convince myself I could stop it but I couldn't. I found myself frozen and curious. Luckily they stopped there and laughed it off but I've replayed it in my head over and over and I feel like I wouldn't be able to protest. Once the horny fog sets in I feel like I would continue to watch and almost will them on. It pains me to admit it but that feels like the reality and that scares me.

I've been searching this forum for posts from guys that have had a similar situation but they are few and far between. Most of them posted their situation but never posted an update to what happened. In general, it seems like most guys here have always been into it and are wanting to experience it but does my situation ring true for anyone else? If so, what happened next? I don't want to be into this but, if I'm honest, I can't see myself being able to give it up either, it turns me on like nothing else and the orgasms are next level. I think my main worry is that sex will never be "normal" again. I can't last as long and can't stop myself thinking about him with her. Also I worry that the joke flirting might expose me somehow.

I feel like no good can come of telling my girlfriend about this. She would have too much fun teasing me. Every time he jokingly flirts with her, she'd know what I was thinking and probably encourage it to turn me on. I also feel like given the opportunity, she would fuck him. Telling her would probably start a chain reaction to it happening and I can't bare the thought of that, it would ruin me.

All and any guidance would be greatly appreciated. My heart is pounding from writing this.
Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Dream Weaver]

I've been lurking on this forum for a couple of months now, searching for answers, trying to understand how others might have dealt with a situation similar to my own.
I'm nervous to be writing this, as if doing so is acceptance of everything I've essentially been in denial about for a while now.
A bit of background about me, I'm 25, my girlfriend is 24, we've been together for 4 years now.
Until a few months ago, cuckold fantasies were not something I had ever considered I might get. I've known about cuckolding since my early teens when I stumbled upon cuckold porn. It's not been something I was all that into, I found something about the way the women are in those videos hot but it wasn't something I wanted for myself.

My best friend since school has always liked to joke about fucking other guys' girlfriends/sisters/mums while they watch, I'm not entirely sure why, it's mildly amusing sometimes but everyone just accepts it's something he likes to joke about. He'll often call guys cucks (which isn't uncommon with most people I know) and he'll joke about how they'll be in awe as they witness his "prowess", stroking their dicks in arousal. He'll do all kinds of actions and impressions, I thought he'd have grown out of it by now .
I was never the target of these jokes until I got with my current girlfriend. As he says, she's out of my league and I know it. He loves to tell me what he'd love to do with her, how I'd watch in awe, how grateful she'd be etc. I never found this arousing or considered that I could get aroused by it before. I just took it as a joke, a compliment to me and her and kinda laughed it off. He also likes to jokingly flirt with her in front of me and she will jokingly flirt back, both of them trying to provoke a response from me but I just roll my eyes and try not to encourage it.

About 6 months ago he broke up with his long term girlfriend and has been on Tinder since. Around Christmas time he was showing me photos of some of the girls he had been with or had been chatting to. I was flicking through the photos on his phone (he wasn't watching) and came across a dick pic. I quickly flicked passed it but for some reason went back to it. I guess it didn't seem real and I felt the need to check why. It was definitely him but his dick was huge, not just long but girthy, veiny and with a big head on it. I paused for a moment, assuming it was fake but couldn't see anything fake about it. I carried on flicking through photos and found another 2 dick pics, same huge dick from different angles. He had always bragged about having a massive dick but I just assumed it was a joke, I never had any reason to believe he wasn't average. I carried on looking at the girl photos, handed the phone back and didn't give it another thought.

The next time my girlfriend and I were having sex, I looked down at my humble dick between her pussy lips and this thought entered my head that I couldn't shake. I wondered how much his dick would stretch her lips, how erotic it would look to see that big cock inside her, how much more she might enjoy it. I was shocked to be thinking about it, I tried to think about something else but kept coming back to it, imagining her on her knees sucking on it etc. The thoughts made my dick harder and more sensitive, it felt good and I came hard a few seconds later. She looked at me all confused, asked if I was ok, I tried to shrug it off but felt immense shame for thinking about it and for enjoying the thought. I tried to convince myself it was a one-off, a freak thing that wouldn't happen again but I avoided sex for a few days, I think because I was afraid what it might mean if those thoughts reoccured.

A few days later the same thing happened, the session ended early because the thought entered my head and made me cum again. I was scared that I couldn't resist or control my thoughts. Unless I was horny, it was the worst thing imaginable. As soon as I was horny, it was impossible not to think about. I avoided masturbation for a few weeks but everytime we had sex the thoughts were there waiting for me, becoming more vivid and extreme. I wanted something to prove to myself that I wasn't a cuckold. I hesitantly searched for some cuckold porn, something where the actors looked similar to us. I convinced myself that I wouldn't be turned on by it, wouldn't want it to be us. That day I saw cuckold porn in a new light, it hit hard and fast. I resisted stroking, knowing how shameful it would be to stroke myself to the thought of my best friend ploughing my girlfriend. I was constantly trying to rationalise that I didn't want it but I did. I couldn't stop watching, couldn't stop imagining, before I knew it my dick was in my hand and I was shooting ropes of cum. Before I had barely finished cumming, I realised what I had just done, the porn was still playing, the thoughts I was enjoying just seconds ago felt like a punch to the gut, like the worst imaginable situation. I closed the porn and tried to busy myself with whatever I could to take my mind off it.

A few hours later I felt like I needed to watch some more cuckold porn to "prove that I didn't want it" again. This time I picked something with a different looking bull, I guess thinking it would be easier or at least not make me think of it being him. The same thing happened again and everytime since. Sex too has followed the same pattern, me trying to focus on her but inevitably my mind gets hijacked and things are cut short by me getting over excited.

One thing was clear at least, that I in no way wanted this to happen for real, as long as I wasn't horny at least. In my head I was sure that if they were to do anything more than joke flirting I would put a stop to it. This was tested a few weeks ago when, I can't remember why but she bent over near him with her back to him. He stood up, said something jokingly provocative to her, she turned to smile at me as he got behind her, pulled her ass into his crotch by her shoulder and slapped her ass. She let out a little whimper and they both giggled, looking at me to gauge my reaction. This wasn't overly unusual but has gone up a level since he's been single. The difference is I wanted to convince myself I could stop it but I couldn't. I found myself frozen and curious. Luckily they stopped there and laughed it off but I've replayed it in my head over and over and I feel like I wouldn't be able to protest. Once the horny fog sets in I feel like I would continue to watch and almost will them on. It pains me to admit it but that feels like the reality and that scares me.

I've been searching this forum for posts from guys that have had a similar situation but they are few and far between. Most of them posted their situation but never posted an update to what happened. In general, it seems like most guys here have always been into it and are wanting to experience it but does my situation ring true for anyone else? If so, what happened next? I don't want to be into this but, if I'm honest, I can't see myself being able to give it up either, it turns me on like nothing else and the orgasms are next level. I think my main worry is that sex will never be "normal" again. I can't last as long and can't stop myself thinking about him with her. Also I worry that the joke flirting might expose me somehow.

I feel like no good can come of telling my girlfriend about this. She would have too much fun teasing me. Every time he jokingly flirts with her, she'd know what I was thinking and probably encourage it to turn me on. I also feel like given the opportunity, she would fuck him. Telling her would probably start a chain reaction to it happening and I can't bare the thought of that, it would ruin me.

All and any guidance would be greatly appreciated. My heart is pounding from writing this.
Thanks for taking the time to read.

Cope? Cope!?? Haha, well, we all cope with in in our own ways. The question is.... do you want to feed the desire or get rid of it? Because here we will be very good at feeding the desire.

Most of us here have waited AGES to do something like this, we want it. It's the getting the gf/wife to do something and tell details that is easily the hardest part.

[luvwives999]

Looking back my wife and I have no regrets on things we have done; the regrets are opportunities we didn't take advantage of. You might just mention to your GF that hey, John or whatever your friend's name is, really wants to fuck you, and see what her response is, it may surprise you.

[elina]

Dear Anondesires.

Thank you for an honest post, I hope you will continue to share.

First, I think that you have made a discovery of your true self. You cannot deny your feelings. In some way I would imagine this is similar to people in the 1960s and 1970s discovering that they developed feelings from others of the same sex. This was taboo at the time and many refused to accept these feelings. For you, being a cuckold to you seems to have a similar stigma today. But I do not think it is possible for you to remove the emotions. The reaction you experienced as your were making love to Your Girlfriend and starting thinking about a larger cock entering Her pussy, expanding Her pussy lips in ways you cannot is very telling. My advice is that you somehow need to come to terms with the fact that this is what you are.

Next, you did not talk to much about your Girlfriend apart from the fact that She is obviously a very hot and sexy young Lady. From the way She was flirting with your friend and also allowing him to slap Her (undoubtedly very sexy) ass, it also seems that She is a fun Lady to be around. Do you truly Love Her, do you want to spend your life with Her?

If the answer is yes, I think you should be honest about your situation. If the Lady is sexually adventurous, She may actually appreciate the opportunity. I would not advice you rushing to tell Her. Rather focus on finding a way to interact with Her, go out of your way to please Her. Buy Her flowers, serve Her coffee, whenever you have sex with Her, spend time worshipping Her pussy. Tell Her how much you love Her and how important it is for you that She is happy with you. When licking Her pussy, don't try to make Her cum and be done, lick Her and be sensitive to Her reactions, ask Her to please direct you so that you can make it even better for Her....

Do this first and see where it moves, if She starts to become more flirty and testing your boundaries with respect to how far She can go with you big-dicked friend, never object or try to stop Her. Next time you are alone with Her tell Her how much you love Her and ask Her if She has a desire for a much larger cock than yours..... Don't push, but if She leads, be honest and focus on how you can help Her obtain the pleasure that She seeks with you remaining Her boyfriend.

Once you come to terms with the fact that there is nothing wrong with being a cuckold, you may even discover that you love it.

Please keep us posted

Sincere regards
elina
(submissive male)

[anondesires]

I've been trying to get rid of it but once I get horny I can't seem to help but feed it.
I'm aware there's a bias here but I know there's a wealth of experience here too, I'm just hoping someone can help.

[anondesires]

I've been trying to get rid of it but once I get horny I can't seem to help but feed it.
I'm aware there's a bias here but I know there's a wealth of experience here too, I'm just hoping someone can help.

[anondesires]

I've been trying to get rid of it but once I get horny I can't seem to help but feed it.
I'm aware there's a bias here but I know there's a wealth of experience here too, I'm just hoping someone can help.

[anondesires]

I've been trying to get rid of it but once I get horny I can't seem to help but feed it.
I'm aware there's a bias here but I know there's a wealth of experience here too, I'm just hoping someone can help.

[anondesires]

I've been trying to get rid of it but once I get horny I can't seem to help but feed it.
I'm aware there's a bias here but I know there's a wealth of experience here too, I'm just hoping someone can help.

[anondesires]

I'm sorry you regret those missed opportunities.
I really can't see this as an opportunity, it feels more like a minefield.
Oh she already knows he wants to fuck her and I'm fairly sure she wants to fuck him too.
He doesn't know that though and I hope to keep it that way.

[anondesires]

Thank you for the comprehensive reply.

I think you're right about it being similar to how they would've felt in the 60s about being homosexual. I feel like growing up with it might've been easier, not knowing any different. 6 months ago everything was very normal but now... I feel cursed...

My girlfriend is very hot, too hot, she's probably part of the reason these fantasies came to me. She receives a lot of male attention, something that didn't bother me before but now it feels different. She is fun and flirtatious, also never bothered me before. I do love her and would happily spend my life with her.

We've had conversations about threesomes and swinging etc. back before I had these fantasies. She was adventurous as a teenager, been in threesomes, been in an open relationship, had sex in the same room as others etc. I said I was up for a threesome with another girl, which she wasn't. She said she was up for a threesome with another guy, which I'm not. I think that's how that convo goes for most couples
She's always seemed open to most things though such as swinging or an open relationship but the idea of fucking other girls has never outweighed the downside of her fucking other guys for me. She's fine with that too, she likes that I want her to myself. Because I know how adventurous she's been before and readily would be now, I can be fairly certain that she would be up for fucking my friend. As you say, she'd probably appreciate the opportunity but this isn't something I'm trying to make happen, it's something I want to prevent happening!

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a cuckold, I just don't see myself as one, when I'm thinking clearly anyway.

[King_Mr]

Sometimes these forums can reinforce the idea that ‘desires’ (I’d argue you’re actually having fantasies) are strict rules and indicators of what you truly want. You’re either a cuckold/bull/Hotwife, or you’re not. But fantasies ebb and flow, come and go. The reason you’re fixated on this fantasy is because you’re fixated on it! Your brain says it’s a taboo idea and you should push it away, but this only makes it stronger. Sometimes you just need to accept it, and not let it take over your life. It’s not a bad thought. There’s nothing wrong with you for thinking it, or feeling turned on by it. And there’s no reason to immediately share it with your girlfriend. If you want it to be your own personal fantasy, let it be just that.

[hornedhubby]

Two observations.

First, you are coming to terms with your cuck desires in a very normal progression and manner. If you reach the point where you masturbate to a cuck scenario and cum and walk on without shame, you may be ready to do this in real life. That's what happened to me in my mid-20's after about four years of marriage.

FWIW, my wife and I celebrated our 44th anniversary last month. She's known of my fantasies for more than forty years but never went down the slide, never used her free pass to play. A couple can role play and use this kink to improve their sex life without actually having her fuck another guy.

Second, I realize you came to OHW for advice. You'll get that, as well as a lot of encouragement to have her fuck your well-hung pal. If you really want to try to clean this kink from your mind, you should avoid visiting this site and watching cuck porn.

I agree with the part of Elina's advice about focusing on giving her the best sex you can, especially oral worship, and learning about her preferences and fantasies.

Do a great job with that and the rest should fall into place naturally.

[tiedyeHotwife]

Hi !

As a wife in this lifestyle, I understand all you are saying and have lived it to some degree from the wife perspective.

First - relax. breathe. take it all SLOWLY. There is no judgment about it. You are simply discovering yourself.

2 - the advice about about not reading this forum as you will mostly get 'encouragement' is VERY accurate.
many will live vicariously through your adventures. You will get 90% "go for it" advice with only 10% urging caution.

3 - As you come to know yourself, your wife will also be on a journey herself and rarely will be in the same place as you are.
You have to talk about things way more than DO things.

How a women reacts and changes in this lifestyle can be very unpredictable. Each new step opens up new things that you can't know about until you get there.
There are things that I do now that I would never have imagined a few years ago.
And things I swore I would be careful about that I simply blew past all red flags on.
Even the women with a lot of self control can get swept away. Sometimes for a minute, sometimes forever.

The other thing to notice about this forum is that many of the 'crash and burns' are no longer posting and there stories have auto deleted.
I learned a lot from those generously posting about things gone wrong.
take your time. Read those stories when they show up here.

You also have noticed the roller coaster of what turns you on when horny, and how different you feel post orgasm.
Don't ever make a decision while horny or fucking. Always in the light of day.
If you ever decide to really do this - DO NOT let yourself cum. The post orgasm crash can be painful, especially if she is still getting fucked and you have to endure it in that post orgasm state.
My husband is firm on this. He will not let himself cum until I'm home and all his again. Even then, I know he has trouble sleeping afterwards.

Its all a journey. And a SLOW progression towards the deep waters.
Breathe. Take your time. Small steps. And definately play with someone outside your personal circles if you ever really want to play.

[hubudig2]

Sorry to hear you're experiencing such emotional turmoil. It must've taken some courage to write about it here, anonymously or not.
The good news is that it will get easier, as it has for others that have been through similar situations.
The bad news is that it won't be your situation that gets easier, you'll just adapt and find it easier.
It'll probably always feel like a guilty pleasure but that's probably a healthy and erotic way to think about it.

Consider that although it probably feels like your life has been flipped upside down, in reality nothing has changed, just your perception.
Your girlfriend has always been "out of [your] league", many guys more attractive than you may have considered that they could steal her from you.
Your best friend has always had a big cock and fancied your girlfriend. She potentially fancies him back and has probably noticed that he has a big cock and maybe if neither of them chose to put a boundary on the flirting then things may have gone further and you would've watched, frozen in curiosity like you think you would now but unexpectedly.
For all this time I'm guessing ignorance has been bliss but now you've realised you're skating on thin ice, the thin ice being your friend and girlfriend's moral obligations to you. You're now aware of the reality and your mind has done what happens to a lot of guys when faced with this situation, made it turn you on.

Lets face it, if you had to experience your girlfriend fuck another guy, you'd rather it was enjoyable than traumatic, right?
The problem is that your rational/unhorny mind hasn't caught up yet, but it will. I imagine you've been thinking about a lot of situations from different angles, trying to understand how you really feel? When you started getting these fantasies you thought you could fight it but ultimately it always felt better to give in? Your 2 minds are negotiating, I imagine you're already starting to feel some level of acceptance towards it and that's part of what scares you currently, like you're slipping closer to wanting it, not just when you're horny but also when you're not. You're worried about where this goes next and where it ends.

I think you've already realised there's no way back from here. Some guys go through cycles of fighting it and relapsing but it sounds like you've not had much luck fighting it, giving in feels too good for you. Btw, it probably seems like 99% of the guys on this forum loved having the fantasy from day 1 but when I did this poll last year about 40% said they fought with it at first, so it's not that unusual. Like others have said, the first step is to stop beating yourself up about it and accept this is probably you now. Accepting it doesn't mean you have to tell anyone or do anything, just make peace with yourself about it, I think you're probably part way there. Most people have weird and wonderful kinks and fantasies, you wouldn't know it from meeting them and some of those fantasies probably stay a secret their whole lives. Being turned on by seeing your girlfriend take a big cock isn't even that weird when you think about it, most couples have probably experimented with bigger toys, most guys probably find porn more satisfying when the guy has a bigger cock.

Is part of what scares you that it's easy to imagine that your girlfriend would readily do the things in the porn that you watch?
Does it scare you that you wouldn't be able to resist complying with her and she would be like a runaway train with it?

Let's hypothetically say you had the ability to rewind time, would you like to watch them fuck and then rewind to before so it never happened and have it only exist in your memory?
Would that make it somehow acceptable? Or maybe if you could erase their memories of it after?
I know these questions aren't particularly helpful but I'm interested as to what part of it happening in reality makes it unthinkable for you.
I imagine having some ability to "control" or undo it makes it easier to handle but slightly less erotic?

[luvwives999]

I'm sorry you regret those missed opportunities.
I really can't see this as an opportunity, it feels more like a minefield.
Oh she already knows he wants to fuck her and I'm fairly sure she wants to fuck him too.
He doesn't know that though and I hope to keep it that way.

If you really believe she wants to fuck him, rest assured she will make it happen. If she has to do it behind your back, it only makes it more exciting. I think you need to get out in front of it,and tell her whatever she decides is fine with you, as long as she is honest with you. Being open and sharing in her pleasure makes you her partner in her pleasure.

[mattyg_2671]

I first had the fantasy with my wife about 25 years ago when we were in our mid 20’s. It never goes away. I hinted at it but it was not until maybe 7 years ago that I confessed completely. She was always a conservative, vanilla good girl so always said “never”. Gradually she came around to the idea and actually cucked me for the first time in a January 2024. It opened Pandora’s box. She discovered great sex and we’ve progressed a lot down the cuckold route since then. She’s very, very dirty now with her lovers and has done things I would never have expected, and things she’s never done (or will ever do) with me. We both feel that in hindsight, it would have been a LOT of fun if we’d have started earlier but I’m not sure if we would have been mature enough to handle it. Plus we have no pregnancy risk now, which was always a big factor. (Although she has said that if she had met her FB before we had kids, she would have wanted his kids instead of mine and I would have been reminded of my cuckolding every day when I looked at our children! She’s was dead serious btw!).

In summary, that craving will never go away. But you need to have a very strong and committed relationship for it to work.

[anondesires]

Sometimes these forums can reinforce the idea that ‘desires’ (I’d argue you’re actually having fantasies) are strict rules and indicators of what you truly want. You’re either a cuckold/bull/Hotwife, or you’re not. But fantasies ebb and flow, come and go. The reason you’re fixated on this fantasy is because you’re fixated on it! Your brain says it’s a taboo idea and you should push it away, but this only makes it stronger. Sometimes you just need to accept it, and not let it take over your life. It’s not a bad thought. There’s nothing wrong with you for thinking it, or feeling turned on by it. And there’s no reason to immediately share it with your girlfriend. If you want it to be your own personal fantasy, let it be just that.

Fixated is a good way to describe it.
I think what you're suggesting is what I probably hope for, I'm just confused about my ever changing thoughts and urges, also worried about things that might happen that are out of my control.

Thanks

[anondesires]

I accept that there'll be encouragement and guys wanting to live out their desires via me but I'll politely decline the encouragement. This won't be one of those threads where things develop and progress, at least I hope not! I'm just curious how others might have handled this, what I can expect, any tips for keeping a lid on it, not getting found out etc.

I'm not sure it's possible to clean this kink from my mind, I tried in the early days, I'm not sure if it's a lack of mental strength or if it's just impossible.
I never set out to masturbate to the idea of my friend and girlfriend together, it just always seems to end up that way. Even if I start with lesbian porn, it somehow ends with cuck porn!

My girlfriend has never overly been into being orally worshipped, she prefers to be dominated.
Sometimes she might get on top and ride my face but she'll hope to have the tables turned on her.

How long did you keep your fantasies a secret from your wife? Did you tell her while you still had the shame or when you decided you wanted it for real?

[anondesires]

Thanks for the response.
You said you've "lived it to some degree from the wife perspective". Did your husband experience something similar? How long was it before he told you? Did your respect for him or any other feelings change when he told you?

I think in a way, ignoring the 'encouragement' is good practice for me. If my girlfriend were to figure it out, I think her encouragement would be more difficult to ignore. Part of me wishes I could talk to her but like you say "How a women reacts and changes in this lifestyle can be very unpredictable" and "rarely will be in the same place as you are". I think she will be unpredictable and willing to experiment/tease and I can't handle that.

You said "Don't ever make a decision while horny or fucking", I've managed to do that so far but have been tempted to say things when we're having sex and then afterwards it scares me what I almost said. I can only try to follow that advice but it's definitely something that worries me.

[wannabecUKold]

Some thoughts:

All lusts are very addictive and powerful, so that once they get into your head, your main sexual pleasure comes that way. Cuckold sex is extremely erotic. It is almost impossible to stop wanting it. To do so, you would probably have to get right away, probably break the relationship.

One alternative is to try other types of sex, such as gay sex or having a cheating affair with a girl, something that might give you a thrill equivalent to the cuckold high.

Your cuckold fetish seems to have begun when you saw a picture of the guy's big cock. You should consider whether your fetish might in fact be a cover for your own gay sexual desires to have his cock and be taken by it but, because that horrifies you, you have substituted the thought of him putting his magnificent cock inside your girlfriend's pussy. Maybe you should try some gay sex and cut out the middle(wo)man, as it were.

You describe how she and your best friend already taunt you provocatively. This is quite disrespectful to you. Does she have a low opinion of you as a man? Does she not care if she hurts or embarrasses you, if she flirts with another man?

Part of the reason for her flirting is to try to goad you into a reaction to defend your property (ie her). Does she see you as her life partner or a passing partner?

Are you already being dominated by her? Your cuckold fetish may be a way of dealing with this by eroticising the submissive role forced on you by your gf. But it may be the wrong answer. Maybe you need to physically beef up?

How easy is communication between you two? Do you talk about the sex activity you are having? Do you feel that you could tell her what sex you want and for it to be accepted without condemnation? Or does she expect you to behave as a standard-issue straight bloke? Would anything else would be seen as freaky and perverted? Would anything outside of the plain vanilla play into her narrative of you being not quite manly?

Be confident about yourself, as you are. Could you mentally say to yourself: “I really love having a small dick. I really want another man’s bigger cock inside my gf. I feel this is right for me”? Since you are turned on by it, this is the mindset you should adopt. So, when they flirt together, surprise her. Instead of you looking embarrassed, tell her to take down her panties and show him ie indicate to her you think she’s a slut but you can handle it. You would surprise her and probably bring her up short.

Accept that you are not going to change your desires, so enjoy the cuckold lust. And, since you think she would do it, accept also you’re therefore unlikely to resist the temptation to ask her to do it. It will happen. Imagine that moment.

You say that if you were to mention your cuckold desires to your girlfriend, she would be unstoppable and would go for it with your best friend.
You say it would ruin you, if it happened for real. I get that. I assume you say this because you think it would destroy your 1:1 monogamous relationship where her pussy is reserved for you. It might lead to the subordination of your fucking rights and even your total exclusion. And the ending of your happy relationship. It would confirm your own inadequacy as her partner and lead to even greater dominance.

I think you are going to ask her to fuck your best friend and she will agree. You won't be able to resist asking her. But there may be alternative, safer, ways of implementing your cravings. For instance, go to nudist beaches on holiday and have sexual naked fun in the sand dunes. Then you can leave it there and come back home. Or she could get better/dirtier sex better by going swinging. Or get her a sex partner who she would never choose as a social partner. Get her into the mindset of having free/open sex.

So, examine why you want this and what it says about you and your relationship.
Don't feel guilt about your desires, they are part of who you are. Embrace them.

Accept who you are and what your desires are. Also accept that, given your gf’s character, you will almost certainly become a cuckold. Reconcile yourself to it. Prepare for it. Enjoy it.

That is the way to cope.

[anondesires]

If like you say, I'll "just adapt and find it easier", that would still be a good outcome I think. A "guilty pleasure" is definitely what it feels like.

What you say about it just being my perception that has changed is broadly true and comforting to consider. I'd say the exception is sex, where my perception is damaging my performance. She has commented a few times afterwards, suggesting I don't seem myself.

I do find myself considering aspects I don't want to consider and suppressing conclusions I come to. Like sometimes I'll find myself considering whether it'd be better if they cheat on me and then I snap out of it and have a reality check that I don't actually want this. That feeling of impending acceptance is scary, I'm definitely worried about where it's going and where it ends.

Even though I suspected it, it still feels like a gut punch to hear there's no way back. That poll is interesting, I hadn't found that, it's comforting to know so many others struggled with it. Your point about most guys and couples liking the idea of seeing her with a big cock is comforting too.

Definitely a big part of what scares me is that she would run away with it. I used to watch cuckold porn and consider that it was hot for a woman to be that way but couldn't understand how a guy would allow her to and how he could do the things she tells him to. I didn't want a woman to treat me like that and didn't want my girlfriend to be like that. Now I can imagine that she would act like that if she knew I was turned on by it which is an angle I didn't consider before. I still don't want to be treated like that but it does turn me on and I'm reluctant to admit that I'd probably do as she asks and get turned on in the process. If that sounds confusing, it's because it is to me too

If I had the ability to rewind time... that's an interesting thought...
If I had full confidence that the rewind process would work and everything would go back to exactly how it was except my memory of it, I probably would experience it... regularly
If I could erase their memories instead... I'm not sure. The idea that he had been with her, even if they didn't know it, I'd struggle with that.
Being able to rewind and undo definitely makes it more appealing. Who doesn't like being able to go wild and then undo or go back to a saved point as if none of it ever happened? I take your point about it being less erotic if you can undo it, there's less at stake, less risk.

As a bull, how do you feel about a guy when you find out he's a cuck? Does your respect for him change? Do you pity him? When you're fucking his wife/gf, how do you feel about him then? Do you ever consider stealing his wife/gf?

[Wantsomefunto]

Sorry you are struggling with your feelings and cravings. Any kind of sex fantasies can be addicting. I would say for most is to be honest with yourself and communicate with your g partner. Maybe she also is having thoughts about trying other guys and bigger cocks? Ask her? Let her know it’s are for her to tell you anything and build a strong relationship. Maybe even mention that you think your friend is going and ask if she has noticed or got to feel it against her.

[Gmor]

Great post.

I think many cuckold guys struggle at first with the shame and confusion of their fantasy. I know I certainly did. For me it was my reaction to my first and very long term girlfriend cheating on me with a guy with an enormous cock (almost right it front of me). I couldnt understand why I reacted to her infidelity the way I did but I was also immediately more aroused than I had ever been in my life.

Since that day I dont think ive masturbated (or even had sex) without fantasizing about some cuckold scenario. And at first, after finishing I would also immediately be filled with the same shame and confusion. Luckily I got over this. I have also learned that many women are accepting of a cuckold fantasy. They may not understand it and many will never want or allow it to actually happen but they are happy to play along with the fantasy with a perspective of 'no harm no foul'.

I have been a cuckold in another serious relationship and while still a "wanna be" with my wife she has had an affair (with a hugely endowed man) and will tell me 'stories' (although not as herself but as some nameless woman) to satisfy my fantasies

Good luck and I look forward to hearing about further conversations you have with your girlfriend.

[anondesires]

Breaking up, gay sex and other relationships aren't things I have any interest in.

I wouldn't say the fantasies started when I saw his cock, they started when I imagined that cock fucking her. Again, no interest in anything gay.

I wouldn't describe their flirting as taunting or disrespectful. I don't think she has a low opinion of me. She knows it doesn't hurt or embarrass me. She has mentioned before that she thinks I'm more dominant/protective after she's flirted with someone else. I've denied it, I don't notice any difference but she likes it. We've been together for 4 years, not out of convenience, we've not talked seriously about long term life plans but we're not in a position to break up anytime soon either.

She prefers to be dominated and I can switch but I usually dominate because it works better for both of us. She will/can dominate for short periods but usually wants to be overpowered in response. It's a bit like when she flirts with other guys, it's a tease, I know what she really wants.

She's sexually more adventurous than me, we have talked about different ways of involving other people, she'd probably be up for most things but is happy to be monogamous too. We haven't talked about cuckolding/hotwifing or anything like that though and I don't think I could bring it up now without making her suspicious.

I can't say that I love having a small(er) dick. I can't deny that the thought of her getting fully satisfied by a big cock turns me on though. I have actually considered if I were to challenge him to fuck her in front of me whether he would have the balls to do it. Maybe he'd get stage fright but it's not something I'm actually going to find out.

There's no temptation to ask her to cuck me. I can't currently see that ever happening despite everyone telling me otherwise. There's also no temptation for swinging or nude beaches etc.

Thanks for the lengthy response, sorry if you don't feel like I considered your encouragement properly.