Our Hotwives

Would anyone share the boundaries and limits they set around their open relationship? My wife started seeing a close friend earlier this year. Generally we trust each other and she's smart enough not to take big risks with safety. We discussed that they must always use condoms, no bareback, no other people involved. Also he hasn't been to our house yet as we try to keep it private, neighbours or friends don't know about it. Are there any other generic boundaries/limits to keep in mind?

Our boundaries are mostly related to keep our lifestyle private and assure it doesn't affect our social / professional life. So basically, she doesn't date men from or close our common social circles.

Every couple has their own rules. Many of them will likely be the same as or similar to other couples. At the same time, each couple will have a few rules unique to them.

What we found is over time, the rules changed or fell by the way. Other people we know in the lifestyle have had similar experiences. In the beginning, you try to make a rule or boundary to cover every imaginable circumstance. It's cumbersome, becomes tedious and eventually you realize you have to be more flexible. Perhaps more relaxed about the lifestyle would be a better way to put it.

Cdncuck wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 13, 2025 6:16 am

Every couple has their own rules. Many of them will likely be the same as or similar to other couples. At the same time, each couple will have a few rules unique to them.

What we found is over time, the rules changed or fell by the way. Other people we know in the lifestyle have had similar experiences. In the beginning, you try to make a rule or boundary to cover every imaginable circumstance. It's cumbersome, becomes tedious and eventually you realize you have to be more flexible. Perhaps more relaxed about the lifestyle would be a better way to put it.

Interesting, I see what you mean. I never thought I'd give up on some rules. I guess I'm still too young to compromise. Thanks for sharing.

Uncertain9901 wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 13, 2025 10:29 pm

Cdncuck wrote: ↑

Wed Aug 13, 2025 6:16 am

Every couple has their own rules. Many of them will likely be the same as or similar to other couples. At the same time, each couple will have a few rules unique to them.

What we found is over time, the rules changed or fell by the way. Other people we know in the lifestyle have had similar experiences. In the beginning, you try to make a rule or boundary to cover every imaginable circumstance. It's cumbersome, becomes tedious and eventually you realize you have to be more flexible. Perhaps more relaxed about the lifestyle would be a better way to put it.

Interesting, I see what you mean. I never thought I'd give up on some rules. I guess I'm still too young to compromise. Thanks for sharing.

I think everyone in this lifestyle has their own sets of "rules" and there isn't a right or wrong - it's about you and your partner finding out what works for you

For example, I've been with my partner since we were 17 (we're now 51) and she's been cuckolding me from virtually the beginning of our relationship. I've pretty much always had to use a condom to fuck her but she never uses a condom with a bull, it was her first bull who told her to go on the pill so he could fuck her bareback, she's fucked bulls at our house etc. I've always been very comfortable with our "rules" but I wouldn't say to you "I'd recommend xyz" because I'm not you.

I think the most important thing is communication between everyone involved and trust. Without those 2 things then it's inevitably going to go pear-shaped at some point!

Happy to chat anytime

Uncertain9901 wrote: ↑

Mon Aug 11, 2025 1:56 am

Would anyone share the boundaries and limits they set around their open relationship? My wife started seeing a close friend earlier this year. Generally we trust each other and she's smart enough not to take big risks with safety. We discussed that they must always use condoms, no bareback, no other people involved. Also he hasn't been to our house yet as we try to keep it private, neighbours or friends don't know about it. Are there any other generic boundaries/limits to keep in mind?

Hi Matt, congrats and welcome to the club! Boundaries and limits are obviously necessary but if your gf Laura is seeing that close friend on a regular basis, then the rules will be bent, boundaries will be crossed. That's part of the fun and I can only recommend you enjoy the ride. What you thought was impossible and absolutely no way, may well become something you will long for. Like... do you use condoms with Laura?

Uncertain9901 wrote: ↑

Mon Aug 11, 2025 1:56 am

Would anyone share the boundaries and limits they set around their open relationship? My wife started seeing a close friend earlier this year. Generally we trust each other and she's smart enough not to take big risks with safety. We discussed that they must always use condoms, no bareback, no other people involved. Also he hasn't been to our house yet as we try to keep it private, neighbours or friends don't know about it. Are there any other generic boundaries/limits to keep in mind?

Hi Matt, congrats and welcome to the club! Boundaries and limits are obviously necessary but if your gf Laura is seeing that close friend on a regular basis, then the rules will be bent, boundaries will be crossed. That's part of the fun and I can only recommend you enjoy the ride. What you thought was impossible and absolutely no way, may well become something you will long for. Like... do you use condoms with Laura?

Ijustloveher wrote: ↑

Thu Aug 14, 2025 6:18 pm

Hi Matt, congrats and welcome to the club! Boundaries and limits are obviously necessary but if your gf Laura is seeing that close friend on a regular basis, then the rules will be bent, boundaries will be crossed. That's part of the fun and I can only recommend you enjoy the ride. What you thought was impossible and absolutely no way, may well become something you will long for. Like... do you use condoms with Laura?

Glad to be here, I already got some good advice. I see your point, yes we've always used condoms, never really gone bareback even though we both took tests for STDs and we're clear. It's also the risk of pregnancy, Laura's not taking pills (she used to a while ago but she had bad side effects). As I annoying as I find wearing condoms, they seem essential. Her friend James also isn't keen on getting anyone pregnant, it's fun only. I always buy more condoms whenever we get under 10 just so we have it and she always carries some in her handbag.

Hi Matt. Having a close friend fuck your wife is the best of both worlds. Everyone cares about each other. As a cuckold, you can relax, and the three of you can talk about what you three need. We had rules at first, but as the cuckolding progressed, they were relaxed. During sex, we all acted one way. For example, I cooked dinner for them, waited on them both, and undressed Debbie, presenting her to him as a gift. When we didn't having sex, the three of us were normal.
Debbie was the one to bring up that I need to undress Doug and present his cock to her. So I did this, and it was the first time I touched another man. I held him as my wife sucked him, then placed him in my wife. After that, Doug came over, and my wife was having her period. It was Debbie who told me I was her replacement when she was not available. So she had me suck Doug off. Doug had a key to our home. He could stop by any time to fuck Debbie. Debbie found it exciting that Doug wanted her.
As time passed, I became increasingly submissive. Debbie called me her "Boy-husband" and Doug her "Husband." When we were out, she would introduce Doug as her husband. I had to call Doug or text him to get permission to touch Debbie. Most of the time, he had me video chat with him, and he would watch me jerking off while I thanked him for taking my wife from me. Debbie found this a turn-on.
I moved into the other bedroom after Debbie had fixed it up to look like a boy's room. I called my wife mom and Doug "sir." This was my desire.
Debbie gave my wedding band to Doug, and we went to a pawn shop. Debbie had me give Doug the money.. All of this happened over the course of a few years.

By observation there will several schools of thought regarding boundaries and limits. All of those shared thoughts will be a reflection of where people are in their relationships.

There will be those that will say there shouldn't be ANY boundaries or limits. They will say that even though they may have had boundaries and limits to begin with they all fell by the wayside along the way. Others that support the idea of no boundaries or limits are people that get their thrill from submission and the power exchange. That's cool if that's what they get off on. It makes sense and works for them. They are emotionally prepared and have an anticipated expectation of the progression. It's also peculiar that a wife or gf without boundaries or limits tends to impose boundaries and limits on her husband/bf. Once again, that works for them and that's what they want. So, oddly, even when there aren't boundaries and limits for the wife/gf, there are for the husband/bf.

Then there will be those who insist on boundaries and limits. They may have had a previous experience that didn't go the way they wanted it to and discovered their own "showstoppers". Some people will have learned enough about themselves to know some things do not turn them on. Most likely they are couples that are about to embark upon their journey and anticipating the unknown. Of course it's impossible to consider EVERY situation. That doesn't mean there aren't some obvious scenarios that come to the forefront, things like family and friends discovering your lifestyle, or if you feel excluded, or what level of participation you may or may not have.

As much as people say to live in the moment and enjoy yourself, everyone knows these situations naturally evolve and progress over time. It's obviously a "buzz kill" to think about the future or consider negative implications. It's my opinion that the couples that make this work know how important it is that the experience is satisfying for all parties involved. If a wife or gf is confused as to what a husband or bf get's out of the deal then how can she know for certain if he's getting what he needs? She has to know for a fact. It's much easier to gauge if a wife or gf is getting what she wants.

It's your journey. You'll have to make your choices based on you and your wife.

Don't know if these are boundaries, we do both need to approve who she will have sex with, especially when it comes to friends or family.the only other one is when either of us say we are done or to stop it stops right then. Otherwise we both have fun with our sexcapades.

coastalkid wrote: ↑

Sat Aug 16, 2025 11:52 am

Then there will be those who insist on boundaries and limits. They may have had a previous experience that didn't go the way they wanted it to and discovered their own "showstoppers". Some people will have learned enough about themselves to know some things do not turn them on. Most likely they are couples that are about to embark upon their journey and anticipating the unknown.

I'm probably in this category, - I've seen things go wrong for other people and we're still early in our journey as a couple. I wouldn't mind that much other people finding out about us, most people forget about stuff soon or don't care in any case. However health wise I'd be unwilling to take huge risks, I've seen lives ruined by sexual diseases, many of which are life changing and permanent. That's a price too high for a bit of fun. It would be interesting to hear from a couple who had an infection like syphilis or chlamydia etc and how they dealt with it.

We never sat down and established anything official, ourselves. We would discuss a couple of things depending on which guy she was seeing that night. Most of our "rules" related to safety more than anything as she's free to do what she wants in the moment.

Some wise person once said the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle was a journey as opposed to a destination. Wise words in my opinion.

LongTermHubby wrote: ↑

Fri Aug 22, 2025 6:24 am

Some wise person once said the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle was a journey as opposed to a destination. Wise words in my opinion.

Very true. To add what others have said, communication is key to making these relationships work. There can be no secrets. And there must be genuine affection for each others. Otherwise it may turn abusive.

Matt,

Great question and thread.

Whenever I start seeing a couple, I spend a lot of time getting to know them. I want to know what excites them, what turns them off, and of course, if they have rules and boundaries. That helps me tailor my approach with them, while avoiding pitfalls.

The rules and boundaries have varied, but my second cuckold came up with a lifestyle take on the classic Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. At the base is safety, which has various aspects. There is physical safety from me, and they should know that I would never ever hurt them. There is physical safety with me, where they know that I would protect them from others. That's particularly important if the wife and I are spending time alone and going out on dates. Safety also means safe from STDs, which is why I always insist that we all get tested at the beginning of the relationship and whenever we play with an external partner. Then there is the safety of their relationship. While I prefer long-term, steady relationships with my couples, which can come with some risks, my goal is to always improve my couples' relationships and never to hurt them.

The second step up is comfort, which is generally tied to discretion. While some couples are more open than others, they've all wanted to control who knew and how they found out.

As some of the other responders have mentioned, I have found that my couples rules and boundaries do evolve with time. For example, I had one couple who said up front that they would only be comfortable playing if the husband could be there to watch. I respected that and love being watched, so it wasn't an issue with me. Within several months, they found that there were times when she wanted to play, but he couldn't be there, and they decided they were ready for us to play alone. He trusted me by that point, and he loved how strong her desire had become to play with me, so he agreed to it. It turned out he was not only okay with it, but that thinking about what we were doing without him was a MASSIVE turn on for him.

A good partner (bull or whatever) will do that for couples. He'll earn their trust and respect, which will make them comfortable enough to explore new things. He'll then help guide them through that exploration. That doesn't mean that he'll push them beyond every boundary and limit, some things are truly red lines.

This may sound funny, but the only limit that really bothers me is the couples that say "no kissing." That's an instant red flag for me, and I would never involve myself with a couple like that. Sex is intimate, and kissing is a big part of that intimacy. Having sex without would seem alien to me.

Good luck, and I am happy to discuss any of this further if you're interested.

We don't have any boundries or rules except
1. Keep the kids out of it
2. No close friends of hubby or his family members
3. (Rule) no sex for him if I have a steady boyfriend/boyfriends.

He likes that I do what I want, when I want with who I want to do it with.

athlete915 wrote: ↑

Sat Aug 23, 2025 1:56 am

Matt,

Great question and thread.

Whenever I start seeing a couple, I spend a lot of time getting to know them. I want to know what excites them, what turns them off, and of course, if they have rules and boundaries. That helps me tailor my approach with them, while avoiding pitfalls.

The rules and boundaries have varied, but my second cuckold came up with a lifestyle take on the classic Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. At the base is safety, which has various aspects. There is physical safety from me, and they should know that I would never ever hurt them. There is physical safety with me, where they know that I would protect them from others. That's particularly important if the wife and I are spending time alone and going out on dates. Safety also means safe from STDs, which is why I always insist that we all get tested at the beginning of the relationship and whenever we play with an external partner. Then there is the safety of their relationship. While I prefer long-term, steady relationships with my couples, which can come with some risks, my goal is to always improve my couples' relationships and never to hurt them.

The second step up is comfort, which is generally tied to discretion. While some couples are more open than others, they've all wanted to control who knew and how they found out.

As some of the other responders have mentioned, I have found that my couples rules and boundaries do evolve with time. For example, I had one couple who said up front that they would only be comfortable playing if the husband could be there to watch. I respected that and love being watched, so it wasn't an issue with me. Within several months, they found that there were times when she wanted to play, but he couldn't be there, and they decided they were ready for us to play alone. He trusted me by that point, and he loved how strong her desire had become to play with me, so he agreed to it. It turned out he was not only okay with it, but that thinking about what we were doing without him was a MASSIVE turn on for him.

A good partner (bull or whatever) will do that for couples. He'll earn their trust and respect, which will make them comfortable enough to explore new things. He'll then help guide them through that exploration. That doesn't mean that he'll push them beyond every boundary and limit, some things are truly red lines.

This may sound funny, but the only limit that really bothers me is the couples that say "no kissing." That's an instant red flag for me, and I would never involve myself with a couple like that. Sex is intimate, and kissing is a big part of that intimacy. Having sex without would seem alien to me.

Good luck, and I am happy to discuss any of this further if you're interested.

I see, that's a good way to think about it in terms of basic safety and comfort. I agree I'd find the limit around no kissing strange, my wife has a close relationship with her bull and I couldn't imagine them not kissing, it would be just awkward. Also there's just no harm in kissing. My wife has known him for many years since they used to work together and kept in touch as friends, so she has a lot of trust and confidence in him. I've met him socially a few times and he seems great but obviously I lack the same level of trust in him that she has.

"I've met him socially a few times and he seems great but obviously I lack the same level of trust in him that she has."

When I am with couples, I always find time for some one-on-one time with the husbands. While the focus is always on their wives, that time with them is valuable because it allows us to get to know one another and build trust and comfort. Just like with his wife, the better I know a cuck, the better I can tailor my approach to him.

Another benefit is that it is reassuring for the wife to know that we get along. He and I are teammates, not rivals.

Rules and boundaries are often specific to the situation.

I can only think of two rules we’ve started with that we still have.

The first is that we are primary lovers ‘til death do we part.

We agreed to enter a half-open marriage (I have ZERO desire to play beyond her affections), and that if push came to shove, we would end it all if EITHER of us asked to end it. As far as we’re concerned, this rule will NEVER fall. We’re committed to each other.

This “rule” still stands today, but it’s sort of a moot point after almost 19 years of sharing her. We both enjoy her side-relationships. (She’s on her second.) She can (and does) enjoy all the fun of having an extramarital relationship, and I have been privileged enough to be included on her journey of self-exploration and discovery (including those parts between the sheets—nothing like watching your lovely wife get laid by her lover!)

The only other rule that’s still standing is that she won’t do anal.

Maybe this rule will eventually fall, but I doubt it.

She is repulsed by the idea. It has never really appealed to me. And for both of the boyfriends she’s had over the past 18+ years, it has not been a dealbreaker. They have enjoyed almost FULL access to ALL other parts of her, not just sexually, but socially and emotionally.

They’ve taken her on vacations (Vegas, L.A., etc.). They’ve enjoyed any number of dates (restaurants, movies, the zoo, museums, etc.) and activities (camping/hiking, baking classes, etc.).

For all practical purposes, her boyfriend has been her second husband. And I’m okay with that as long as we all understand that I am her FIRST husband.

She has ALWAYS been confident about our ability to live within this lifestyle. Initially, I was scared and skeptical. I thought we might be damning ourselves to the heap of divorces we all hear and know about. So, in the beginning, there were a lot of “rules.” I used to think that all of these “rules” helped me keep some kind of control. Over time, though, I realized that they were just my voiced reactions to my own insecurities.

But they were important to me at the time. I encourage you to set them. They will help you to move forward. (The one that we cling to is that I am her primary. We BOTH agree that it is the foundation for EVERYTHING else.)

She has ALWAYS kept me as her primary lover. I am the father of our (now grown) children. Our finances are DEEPLY intertwined (property ownership, retirement accounts, life insurance policies, family relationships, etc.). And while I KNOW that the spaghetti plate that is our lives can be “un-spaghettied” by attorneys, I have come to trust her commitment to me as her primary over the years. We speak about it openly and verbally recommit to this promise often. She confides in me about their shortcomings. (The first boyfriend drove like a COMPLETE ASSHOLE—extremely aggressive…we’ve all seen the type—, a big turn-off for her, she discovered. Her second boyfriend entertains conspiracy theories, also a big turn-off for her since it indicates a lack of critical thinking. Presently, we’re not sure if he’s just following conspiracy theories for entertainment or if he really buys into them.) I feel like our relationship is just a step above what she has with her boyfriend. He will never understand what it’s like to put a baby (TWO babies) inside of her and raise that child to adulthood—diapers, adolescence, young adulthood and self-actualized adulthood. He will never solve financial puzzles with her (beyond paying the check) that solidify our future together—mortgage, home maintenance, vehicle purchases, market volatility on our investments, college tuition, wedding costs, etc.

Sure. He gets to play with her pussy and enjoy her presence once or twice a week. She gets a different (new and exciting?) dick in her and enjoy his presence once or twice a week. He has a different “energy” that I don’t have. I have an “energy” that he doesn’t have. (They both KNOW how much I love it when she comes home full of his cum…or when I get to watch. Instant hard-on. She often finds herself getting fucked for the second time in that brief hour!) But when you get down to it, our marriage is sooooo much more than the sex we give each other.

So, as I became more confident that I am and that I always will be her primary, “rules” seemed to be less important. Kissing her/Her kissing him while he’s balls deep in her? No biggie now. Fucking her on our bed, in our house, where I sleep? No biggie now. Gifts? No biggie now.

It’s all “no biggie” when you know you’re her primary!

Still…..Anal is a no-go for her. She just doesn’t feel right about it. That “rule” still stands. (I’ll let you know if she changes her mind!) (I wish Farmgirl would have a conversation with her about it! I would hate for Maria to miss out….but we’re quite content with where we currently stand.)

Amendment: I agree with athlete915, above. Maria’s boyfriend has become a good friend. We help each other often with things that have nothing to do with Maria. Landscaping…moving some heavy equipment….helping him get tires on his Jeep while he’s at work…being at his place to let the furnace guy service the furnace. It goes on and on. As athlete915 says, we’re in this together. This helps Maria’s mental health immensely. Additionally, we occasionally go out TOGETHER, as a trio…some might say “a threesome”….a movie, a restaurant, whatever. He’s a good guy, and he’s good to her. She’s got TWO men she can count on. She’s loving life! And that’s what it’s all about for both of us fellows. Her happiness is our mutual goal.

Early on I suggested some simple ground rules and within a few weeks they went out the window, number one being that I know when she’s with another man (the idea of me watching was never in the equation). When she told me that it was “distracting” for her to have sex knowing that I was thinking of her having sex she no longer gave me advance notice. I suppose I faced a choice at that point about whether to insist on knowing, but I just accepted it. Some people might think that was awfully unfair of her, but I’m her cuckold. It’s in my DNA. And I went along with it and now I can’t imagine it being different.