Mixed signals from girlfriend

[criminalcapy]

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

[annsman]

Why not just ask her if she’s interested in these hot guys?

Saying your the only one she wants “for the rest of her life” could be taken that she doesn’t want anyone else or that she sees you as her long term interest, so could be open to enjoying a hot guy in the short term.

However, you will never know unless you talk to her about it.

[criminalcapy]

Why not just ask her if she’s interested in these hot guys?

Saying your the only one she wants “for the rest of her life” could be taken that she doesn’t want anyone else or that she sees you as her long term interest, so could be open to enjoying a hot guy in the short term.

However, you will never know unless you talk to her about it.

I also forgot to mention that she likes being the bottom and for me to take control during sex. I'm worried that the only reason she's mentioning these hot guys is to test my confidence and that I'll fail the test if I ask her if she's interested. I'm thinking, instead of going straight to asking if she wants to play alone with these guys, maybe a threesome with me and another guy to ease her into it? Or should I just go straight to asking if she'd want to play alone? Thanks for any thoughts or ideas!

[ucaneffher]

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

I totally get you! My girlfriend was similar in the beginning of our relationship as well. Her signals weren't as mixed but still a big tease/mind fuck.

For example, just little over a year into our relationship, she openly flirted with men when she got tipsy. She did it when we went out alone and when we went out with her classmates.

The first few times were her smiling and small gestures/signaling across the bar. Then it turned into her turning over to the man sitting next to her at the bar and having full blown 45 to 60 min conversations with them while I sat quietly next to her with her back facing me as I drank my beer or drink. As time passed, eventually the guys she would smile at in the bar would approach her while we were sitting together and she would engage with them and introduce me to them. Several times she took initiative to get up and walk to the bar to get us thr next round of drinks and every time she did this she got approached and would end up staying at the bar talking for an hour and hugging it up tightly with the guys while I waited patiently by myself.

Lastly, we reached a point where she got bold and would approach the men that she liked while we were out. She did not ask for permission or my thoughts but instead she would tell me "I'm gonna go talk to that guy sitting by himself, I'll be back later" another very common one "that guy is cute and he's by himself, I want to go talk to him" .

The most aggressive of all encounters was during vacation when we were at a dance club in another country and she got up and said "I want to dance! I'm going to look for a man to go dance with" and just stormed off by herself and minutes later I saw my very sexy GF dancing very sexily with this very good looking guy in the middle of the dance floor getting spun around and showing extreme chemistry with each other and he would firmly grab her lower back/waist and such. I've witnessed my girlfriend exchanging numbers with men a handful of times, probably 3 to 5 times and it's so gut wrenching later seeing these guys texting my GF!

I totally love that she did all this on her own and did not ask for my thoughts or permission. It felt so different seeing her take charge and doing what she wants while having me watch without stopping her. She definitely figured out that I would not stop her or interfere with her making new male friends while out with me. I had never experienced this before but for some reason It turned me on a lot to see these men know that she was with me and still proceed to talk to her and buy her drinks, and exchange info with her in front of her boyfriend.

The mixed signal part is because she was getting friendlier with men with every outing but she never got past the point of getting felt up and kissed. I wish that guy she danced with would have had his way with my girlfriend that night. He was a great dancer and I know he would've man handled her just how she needed to be handled. They looked amazing and so sexy together.

[ucaneffher]

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

I think that it's likely a good idea to thank her for her honesty and tell her that you appreciate her telling you all this. Let her know that you actually find it interesting getting to know her "likes" and type of guys that she finds attractive so encourage her to not be shy or hold back as it does not bother you.

You could also sprinkle some hints in by letting her know that you find her total honesty to be very attractive and want her to never hold back from telling you what she wants to say and needs. Remind her that it's healthy to be honest with each other and that you have an open door policy where she can tell you anything without judgement or retaliation.

At a later time after you've had this conversation, you could potentially have some pillow talk with her and tell her you want to learn her fantasies and deepest desires. If she opens up, you can tell her you had a similar dream to her fantasy and also found it incredibly hot. This will open up the door and you'll be rating guys left and right while you two are out together. Don't suggest 3somes or her playing with anyone until you've had these conversations.

[ucaneffher]

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

I think that it's likely a good idea to thank her for her honesty and tell her that you appreciate her telling you all this. Let her know that you actually find it interesting getting to know her "likes" and type of guys that she finds attractive so encourage her to not be shy or hold back as it does not bother you.

You could also sprinkle some hints in by letting her know that you find her total honesty to be very attractive and want her to never hold back from telling you what she wants to say and needs. Remind her that it's healthy to be honest with each other and that you have an open door policy where she can tell you anything without judgement or retaliation.

At a later time after you've had this conversation, you could potentially have some pillow talk with her and tell her you want to learn her fantasies and deepest desires. If she opens up, you can tell her you had a similar dream to her fantasy and also found it incredibly hot. This will open up the door and you'll be rating guys left and right while you two are out together. Don't suggest 3somes or her playing with anyone until you've had these conversations.

[criminalcapy]

I totally get you! My girlfriend was similar in the beginning of our relationship as well. Her signals weren't as mixed but still a big tease/mind fuck.

For example, just little over a year into our relationship, she openly flirted with men when she got tipsy. She did it when we went out alone and when we went out with her classmates.

The first few times were her smiling and small gestures/signaling across the bar. Then it turned into her turning over to the man sitting next to her at the bar and having full blown 45 to 60 min conversations with them while I sat quietly next to her with her back facing me as I drank my beer or drink. As time passed, eventually the guys she would smile at in the bar would approach her while we were sitting together and she would engage with them and introduce me to them. Several times she took initiative to get up and walk to the bar to get us thr next round of drinks and every time she did this she got approached and would end up staying at the bar talking for an hour and hugging it up tightly with the guys while I waited patiently by myself.

Lastly, we reached a point where she got bold and would approach the men that she liked while we were out. She did not ask for permission or my thoughts but instead she would tell me "I'm gonna go talk to that guy sitting by himself, I'll be back later" another very common one "that guy is cute and he's by himself, I want to go talk to him" .

The most aggressive of all encounters was during vacation when we were at a dance club in another country and she got up and said "I want to dance! I'm going to look for a man to go dance with" and just stormed off by herself and minutes later I saw my very sexy GF dancing very sexily with this very good looking guy in the middle of the dance floor getting spun around and showing extreme chemistry with each other and he would firmly grab her lower back/waist and such. I've witnessed my girlfriend exchanging numbers with men a handful of times, probably 3 to 5 times and it's so gut wrenching later seeing these guys texting my GF!

I totally love that she did all this on her own and did not ask for my thoughts or permission. It felt so different seeing her take charge and doing what she wants while having me watch without stopping her. She definitely figured out that I would not stop her or interfere with her making new male friends while out with me. I had never experienced this before but for some reason It turned me on a lot to see these men know that she was with me and still proceed to talk to her and buy her drinks, and exchange info with her in front of her boyfriend.

The mixed signal part is because she was getting friendlier with men with every outing but she never got past the point of getting felt up and kissed. I wish that guy she danced with would have had his way with my girlfriend that night. He was a great dancer and I know he would've man handled her just how she needed to be handled. They looked amazing and so sexy together.

I think that it's likely a good idea to thank her for her honesty and tell her that you appreciate her telling you all this. Let her know that you actually find it interesting getting to know her "likes" and type of guys that she finds attractive so encourage her to not be shy or hold back as it does not bother you.

You could also sprinkle some hints in by letting her know that you find her total honesty to be very attractive and want her to never hold back from telling you what she wants to say and needs. Remind her that it's healthy to be honest with each other and that you have an open door policy where she can tell you anything without judgement or retaliation.

At a later time after you've had this conversation, you could potentially have some pillow talk with her and tell her you want to learn her fantasies and deepest desires. If she opens up, you can tell her you had a similar dream to her fantasy and also found it incredibly hot. This will open up the door and you'll be rating guys left and right while you two are out together. Don't suggest 3somes or her playing with anyone until you've had these conversations.

Wow! Have you two ever talked about the possibility of her hooking up with other guys? And she kissed them but never wanted to take it further? Great idea to have that conversation before any other suggestions. Thanks for your thoughtful reply!

[namitha157]

Sounds like a confidence test.

I guess you could ask her and see.
But don't open a can or worms unless you want to share her.

Why not just ask her if she’s interested in these hot guys?

Saying your the only one she wants “for the rest of her life” could be taken that she doesn’t want anyone else or that she sees you as her long term interest, so could be open to enjoying a hot guy in the short term.

However, you will never know unless you talk to her about it.

I also forgot to mention that she likes being the bottom and for me to take control during sex. I'm worried that the only reason she's mentioning these hot guys is to test my confidence and that I'll fail the test if I ask her if she's interested. I'm thinking, instead of going straight to asking if she wants to play alone with these guys, maybe a threesome with me and another guy to ease her into it? Or should I just go straight to asking if she'd want to play alone? Thanks for any thoughts or ideas!

[criminalcapy]

Sounds like a confidence test.

I guess you could ask her and see.
But don't open a can or worms unless you want to share her.

Why not just ask her if she’s interested in these hot guys?

Saying your the only one she wants “for the rest of her life” could be taken that she doesn’t want anyone else or that she sees you as her long term interest, so could be open to enjoying a hot guy in the short term.

However, you will never know unless you talk to her about it.

I also forgot to mention that she likes being the bottom and for me to take control during sex. I'm worried that the only reason she's mentioning these hot guys is to test my confidence and that I'll fail the test if I ask her if she's interested. I'm thinking, instead of going straight to asking if she wants to play alone with these guys, maybe a threesome with me and another guy to ease her into it? Or should I just go straight to asking if she'd want to play alone? Thanks for any thoughts or ideas!

I do want to share her. I'm just trying to be cautious in asking in case I'm misreading her intention and she actually would hate for me to be okay with sharing her...

[ucaneffher]

Wow! Have you two ever talked about the possibility of her hooking up with other guys? And she kissed them but never wanted to take it further? Great idea to have that conversation before any other suggestions. Thanks for your thoughtful reply!

Hey glad to help! That's what we are all here for to help each other out.

To answer your question, yes, actually after the first night when I saw her flirting with another man in front of me, I knew that was my chance to bring up my fantasy so I did. That might she was dressed extra sexy and provocative, the night she was flirting. Literally the most revealing outfit I have ever had any past girlfriend wear outside of the bedroom. It might sound like an exaggeration but it was a heck of a skimpy outfit that may as well have been for an exotic dancer.

While in bed in the dark I bought up what she had done a few nights ago and she giggled /chuckled a little as she she filled in the blanks for me and asked, you liked it didn't you? I simply nodded silently in the dark and hugged her. She told me it was ok and not to feel embarrassed for liking it. She apologized for doing that in front of me and continuing to do it throughout the night even when I looked uncomfortable but she felt sexy and didn't want to back down from flirting.

We then proceeded to talk about it turning me on and telling her that I was not only ok with her doing that but would actually like it if she started making that a normal thing from now on. We talked more and discussed details, she seemed really on board which was like music to my ears. She finished by asking...So, I can talk to men and engage with them if they approach me even if I'm with you? I can go on dates and can have sex at my discretion? What about a boyfriend, if I want a boyfriend can I get one? Are you okay if I spend the night away with other men? Are you going to be okay if I let another man/men cum inside me? Do you want to meet my lover(s)/boyfriend (s)?

We discussed all of those questions and I basically gave her the absolute Green light to all of it without restrictions. She reassured me and told me not to feel embarrassed. She then asked one final question. Can I start opening profiles on dating websites and apps? I gave her my blessings and literally by the next day my girlfriend of little over one year was showing me her profiles to Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of fish, and some sugar daddy site I don't remember the name. She already had several connections on tinder and bumble but didn't have her profiles fully setup with many pictures, just one or two so she asked me to help pick good pictures to help her make new friends on her dating apps.

She did talk to a LOT of men that summer and the following, including going on roughly a dozen dates. Not counting the men she flirted with and exchanged info with in front of me at bars and clubs. Sadly that came to an abrupt stop but she was on path to make a wonderful hot girlfriend.

[Uncertain9901]

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

You could encourage her indirectly. For example I've encouraged my wife to go braless whenever we visit a beach or sauna, not to be shy if others are looking, let men watch her ample perky breasts. Get her more sexy gym outfits, there's tops with cleavage and some great leggings. Encourage her to talk to and make friends at the gym. That way you can boost her confidence and see how it goes, it's likely she will find the right bull quite soon without you even mentioning cuckold.

[criminalcapy]

Wow! Have you two ever talked about the possibility of her hooking up with other guys? And she kissed them but never wanted to take it further? Great idea to have that conversation before any other suggestions. Thanks for your thoughtful reply!

Hey glad to help! That's what we are all here for to help each other out.

To answer your question, yes, actually after the first night when I saw her flirting with another man in front of me, I knew that was my chance to bring up my fantasy so I did. That might she was dressed extra sexy and provocative, the night she was flirting. Literally the most revealing outfit I have ever had any past girlfriend wear outside of the bedroom. It might sound like an exaggeration but it was a heck of a skimpy outfit that may as well have been for an exotic dancer.

While in bed in the dark I bought up what she had done a few nights ago and she giggled /chuckled a little as she she filled in the blanks for me and asked, you liked it didn't you? I simply nodded silently in the dark and hugged her. She told me it was ok and not to feel embarrassed for liking it. She apologized for doing that in front of me and continuing to do it throughout the night even when I looked uncomfortable but she felt sexy and didn't want to back down from flirting.

We then proceeded to talk about it turning me on and telling her that I was not only ok with her doing that but would actually like it if she started making that a normal thing from now on. We talked more and discussed details, she seemed really on board which was like music to my ears. She finished by asking...So, I can talk to men and engage with them if they approach me even if I'm with you? I can go on dates and can have sex at my discretion? What about a boyfriend, if I want a boyfriend can I get one? Are you okay if I spend the night away with other men? Are you going to be okay if I let another man/men cum inside me? Do you want to meet my lover(s)/boyfriend (s)?

We discussed all of those questions and I basically gave her the absolute Green light to all of it without restrictions. She reassured me and told me not to feel embarrassed. She then asked one final question. Can I start opening profiles on dating websites and apps? I gave her my blessings and literally by the next day my girlfriend of little over one year was showing me her profiles to Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of fish, and some sugar daddy site I don't remember the name. She already had several connections on tinder and bumble but didn't have her profiles fully setup with many pictures, just one or two so she asked me to help pick good pictures to help her make new friends on her dating apps.

She did talk to a LOT of men that summer and the following, including going on roughly a dozen dates. Not counting the men she flirted with and exchanged info with in front of me at bars and clubs. Sadly that came to an abrupt stop but she was on path to make a wonderful hot girlfriend.

That's amazing. I hope my girlfriend and I can have that discussion and get to that point. If you don't mind sharing, what caused the abrupt stop?

[criminalcapy]

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

You could encourage her indirectly. For example I've encouraged my wife to go braless whenever we visit a beach or sauna, not to be shy if others are looking, let men watch her ample perky breasts. Get her more sexy gym outfits, there's tops with cleavage and some great leggings. Encourage her to talk to and make friends at the gym. That way you can boost her confidence and see how it goes, it's likely she will find the right bull quite soon without you even mentioning cuckold.

I think that's a great idea to get her less shy and more confident, thanks!

[ferrisandrews]

... I'm worried that the only reason she's mentioning these hot guys is to test my confidence and that I'll fail the test if I ask her if she's interested ...

I obviously don't know her but this would be unusual and I don't personally think so. Most women who are offended by this idea would avoid the topic entirely. It sounds like she's being pretty open with her feelings and she's including you in what she likes, which is really terrific! This sounds very healthy and open so my advice is to be vulnerable and open back to her. Reciprocate that healthy communication so you both benefit. It will feel embarrassing but you should be open about how you've already been thinking about this fantasy and that you'd like to try it sometime (or however you want to phrase it).

This situation is the reverse from how most guys have it, so I'm inclined to think you're lucking out with her. Admittedly, just because you're both into the same fetish (potentially) doesn't mean your soul mates or anything, but the fact that you're already communicating about things most couples would find difficult is a good sign! I'm happy to hear how well things are going!

Since it sounds like she's already ready to go, I'd be prepared to discuss (after discussing the above and letting some time pass) some guardrails and what you are both comfortable trying, what kind of people you're comfortable including in your circle, etc. It's great she seems open in exploring these kinks with you but you both want to progress at relatively the same pace. When one spouse gets out ahead of another (mentally, emotionally) then it can make the trailing spouse feel really left behind and conflicted.

Good luck it sounds exciting for you so far!

[criminalcapy]

... I'm worried that the only reason she's mentioning these hot guys is to test my confidence and that I'll fail the test if I ask her if she's interested ...

I obviously don't know her but this would be unusual and I don't personally think so. Most women who are offended by this idea would avoid the topic entirely. It sounds like she's being pretty open with her feelings and she's including you in what she likes, which is really terrific! This sounds very healthy and open so my advice is to be vulnerable and open back to her. Reciprocate that healthy communication so you both benefit. It will feel embarrassing but you should be open about how you've already been thinking about this fantasy and that you'd like to try it sometime (or however you want to phrase it).

This situation is the reverse from how most guys have it, so I'm inclined to think you're lucking out with her. Admittedly, just because you're both into the same fetish (potentially) doesn't mean your soul mates or anything, but the fact that you're already communicating about things most couples would find difficult is a good sign! I'm happy to hear how well things are going!

Since it sounds like she's already ready to go, I'd be prepared to discuss (after discussing the above and letting some time pass) some guardrails and what you are both comfortable trying, what kind of people you're comfortable including in your circle, etc. It's great she seems open in exploring these kinks with you but you both want to progress at relatively the same pace. When one spouse gets out ahead of another (mentally, emotionally) then it can make the trailing spouse feel really left behind and conflicted.

Good luck it sounds exciting for you so far!

I also get the feeling that she's hinting rather than testing. You're right, I need to be more vulnerable. Thanks for the great advice!

[Midnight Joker]

Hi everyone! I've been dating my girlfriend for about half a year, and she doesn't know I have these fantasies. She has a very high sex drive and is pretty kinky (we've done some bondage and public stuff). Now for the mixed signals part. One time, she asked me a vague question about what I would do if there was a really hot guy. She is also not shy about pointing out hot guys and making comments that there are hot guys at her exercise classes. She also wore semi-revealing exercise clothes and commented that she might attract hot guys at her class. On the other hand, she has said multiple times that she loves my cock and that I'm the only one she wants for the rest of her life. Do you think she's interested in introducing other guys into our bedroom, or is she just testing my confidence? Any ideas on how I should proceed? Thanks!

That vague question 100% means that she has a hot guy in mind. She's probably already engaged with him in some manner already, too.

[Dream Weaver]

If she's testing you, fuck her. Bitch.

If she's not testing you, that's not a mixed signal. That's a signal. The other part is her not wanting you to think she doesn't like you.

[criminalcapy]

That vague question 100% means that she has a hot guy in mind. She's probably already engaged with him in some manner already, too.

I trust that she'll be 100% faithful until I give her the green light, but you might be right that she already has someone in mind

[criminalcapy]

If she's testing you, fuck her. Bitch.

If she's not testing you, that's not a mixed signal. That's a signal. The other part is her not wanting you to think she doesn't like you.

That makes sense, giving me hints but also making sure I don't think she doesn't want me. Knowing her personality, I think it's much more likely a signal rather than a test.