Commander Wrote:
"It's decades later and my wife knows how I am, but we haven't yet shared a cock together. What a strange desire, to make a man hard with my touch and my mouth, so that he can satisfy my wife with a dominance and size I can't offer.
Sexuality is strange and sometimes ambiguous... But without all the rules and societal norms it can be fun and exciting.
I wonder how many cuckolds end up in a place of being almost obsessed with male cocks, but only craving female relationships (specifically with their wives?) It's confusing, to have such 'gay' sexual desires, but for it to have a stopping point... beyond which you only feel closeness with a female.
Or maybe I'm crazy. Who knows. Who cares."
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Commander, I understand exactly what you mean. Hopefully, I will not end this thread with a condensed story of my experiences doing this.
First let me say I am 84 years young. My first time was with a neighborhood friend, two years older than myself. This was 1951, a very naive time period.Decades before internet porn and printed porn was hard to find especially at our ages then. I did not even heard of the word porn let alone what it meant. That said during warmer moths my friend and I would "camp out" in or backyards. Sometimes his, other times mine. At times Louis would show me a Sears & Roebuck catalog and we looked in the womens lingerie section and he found a stash of "dirty pictures" in a black and white printed magazine his father had hidden in their garage. He got more excited looking at the pictures being a couple of years older than me. He would take his cock out and play with it until it got hard. This went on for a month or two, if memory serves me. Eventually he told me to feel his cock since I was always watching him when he was doing this. Eventually he had me "kiss" it, then after a few times he put it in my mouth and told me to lick it and suck on it some.
I really did not know if this was a good or bad thing to do, but I liked how it felt and he really seemed to enjoy it. The more I did it the more it became a regular thing to do when we were together in a private area and I was really getting into it and swallowing his cum. This went on until he went off to college, but he had introduced me to a few other guys who I sucked off.
I also started dating girls and I was attracted to them and enjoyed looking at the "dirty pictures" when I was able to see them. I went in the Navy after high school and after my enlistment I sucked a few more guys, but also dated a couple of girls, women now. I did get married when I was about 30. My wife was very promiscuous. She was beautiful, a part time model for women's clothing stores locally and a cocktail waitress.Even after we married she continued playing around. When I found out we had several long talks. Lots of truth telling and I admitted I had enjoyed sucking cock. Her confessions also excited me, (strangely) as well as anger, jealousy and sadness all mixed together. Over a rather short time all the emotions took a backseat and eventually faded away and only the excitement of her being with other men remained.
When she began bringing men home with her I sometimes got to watch. With a few men I was allowed to do clean up duties on both my wife and her lover or lovers. Being a cuckold before the term became popular lasted 12 years. Some of her lovers allowed me to suck them off when she wasn't available. I had my studio at home, so I was available when she was working or whatever.
We divorced for other reason other than our lifestyle. I sucked guys when I could and also dated a few women. After awhile the world began to change in the late 70's and early 80's with women especially. Oh I know it began in the 60's but really more women were "emancipated" and some taking attitudes towards men after the free love era. It was almost like a game of guess what she expects a man to be. Long story short, I tired of this and around 2000 and after a bad break up, I started sucking more cock and not bothering with dating because of the way some, not all, women were acting. I loved sucking a man off and giving him that pleasure. That was the beginning of my providing oral sex to men exclusively. Now 26 (almost) years later it is the only type of sex I do.
The interesting thing is I still am attracted to women. I hire models for paintings as a break from my other subject matter. I do this about once month, sometimes more often. I enjoy painting and I enjoy talking with the models and looking at them closely as a subject to paint a lovely painting. It is a nice break from painting the subjects the galleries want and sell for me.
Back to the feeling Commander spoke of. I had many of those same feelings of guilt and pleasure for sometime in my late 20's and especially while in the Navy. The difference between Commander and myself is I mostly got over those feelings when married and after single again. I guess there is a little of that left in me, but it does not bother me. I am not out to everyone other than a few gentlemen I suck and a few women friends I know and trust very well and who don't judge me. A couple I knew when living in California and still married were talking one evening. The wife said something that really helped get over the guilt/pleasure feeling. She said that sex was like a very full menu in a special restaurant. It had a long list of appetizers, entree's, and desserts. Some people like some of the foods, som like only a couple of items and others like everything on the menu. None of the choices were good or bad, it just depended on what a person liked and enjoyed. No shame trying something new. After a little thinking about what she said, I had to agree.
