Wedding Ring Brew Ha Ha

[Boofer]

(Cuckold, Diary)
This too shall pass. You know the old saying, "what wasn't funny then, is funny now." In Boofers case, I knew it was funny then, but I also knew it would pass. One exception was the Wedding Ring Brew Ha Ha.

Somewhere between my Jr. and Sr. year, I became engaged, and got my fiancee some expensive bling. I got it on the payment plan course and wasn't till I got a raise in combat pay years later, I paid them off. She was long gone by then, and I had in my possession, some expensive engagement bling. I worked my ass for those rings long before the combat pay arrived, by working summer jobs in construction. The rings eventually found their way to the bottom of my dresser drawer and forgotten, as I chased pussy and back on the block.

Along comes the little lady of my dreams and Bling time again. Only this time is different. I need her Fathers signature, I need some bling, and we have to get this done in a hurry. I love the girl afterall. It wasn't a Pawn Shop, but a cheap jewelry store. I wasn't making the same mistake again and paying off rings into old age.

Everything worked out beautiful, she loved her rings, loved Boofer, rugrats in the distance. Till that fateful day some 5 years later. She had now become a sneaky sleuth, sifting threw my belongings for contraband such as Playboys, or any evidence of foreplay without her. That's when she discovered Them, at the bottom of my underwear drawer.

Of course we had had our share of disagreements, rendezvous's on the side, tempestuous affairs up to now, but nothing would compare to the Wedding Ring Brew Ha Ha. She still had not ascended to my dream of a little homemaker in apron I thought she was. Instead, she had a penchant as interrogator, torturer, and round the clock, pain in the ass. She reveled in shit that she could hang over my ass for as long as it took.

Arriving home from work one afternoon, she had not left for work. She had her tiny lace dress on, her white peep toed heels laying sideways beneath her, her feet up in the opposite chair at the dining table. A pack of fresh Marlboros and dabbling ashes. I told her, "it's been 4 years since you did that shit, what gives?" She rolled her big brown eyes in my direction, but very nonchalantly. She removed her feet then kicked the chair out, "sit down Boofer!" I was wondering "what kinda shit did I leave in my pants?"

She just sat there and stared at me. I was waiting for her boyfriend to come out of the bedroom and smack me around. She reaches over in her purse, pulls this small ring case out, and places it on the table with her eyes shut. Then open real fast!! She opens the case with the bling staring at me. "Can you explain this Boofer?" My mind was racing, name and rank wasn't working this time. She's not puffing anymore, she's getting hotter, she squints, she wants to see me grovvel for answers and Boofer is grovelling for words that aren't coming.

She holds her wedding rings up in the air. "Maybe these will help your memory Boofer? Remember this cheap crap you bought me?" The words are now coming in desperation, I don't want the dungeon again tonight. "Those rings I got you were special, they meant more than those rings. I paid for them on the spot baby! Pleaasse don't do this to me?"

She got up, put her white patin heels on, grabbed the case, closed it, put it in her purse with no further words. "I'm going to work now, don't wait up." Pleaase don't go, pleassse, not like this.

With her purse over her shoulder, she paused in the doorway, held her rings up again. "Just your tramp, huh Boofer? Well, if it's a tramp you want, you got it baby!" With that she casually drove off to work and Boofer made his way to the dungeon.

Boofer

[Boofer]

Brew Ha Ha, Part II, Diary story: My wife enjoyed aggravating Boof with her wedding and engagement ring, after finding the set I had purchased my sweetheart in HS. This went on forever, to the bitter end and why it's called the Brew Ha Ha.

I always enjoyed sports and while watching a favorite event on the tube, she would find a seat nearby me in the living room, hold her ring finger up to the light, then find some cotton and polish it. She'd do this till she was certain she was under my skin with the ring. I just ignored her bullshit.

I tried using "love psychology." ya know, some people are so in love they give a ring of jujubee beads in marriage and it lasts forever. "I'm not a hippy Boofer, I'm a tramp remember. If you had loved me so much to make a wedding ring, it would have been better than second to Miss Perfect who dumped you."

My wife was so in love with me while we dated, she got me this magnificent, diamond encased star saphire. She told me to always wear it and know how much she loved me. She wanted it to represent something more than a gold band. I loved that ring, still do, and still wear it and will never forget her and the love we shared regardless of the Brew ha ha.

We'd been married 10 years now, she was a Dancer, stripper and wore the rings on her hand. I was proud of her. How many wives of 10 years, thru child birth and married to Boofer can be a star on stage without clothes? She was all of that and more, but the Brew ha ha surfaced again..

One Saturday afternoon, she went shopping for work clothes, g-strings and lingerie. Boof was watching the USA/Russia hockey game in which the USA won!! She arrives home with boxes, sits across from me, and pats the seat for me to sit next to her. "Got you something today Boofer. The girls at the Club think your cute and available, soooo. Put the star saphire on your right finger and This on your left!"

She pulls out this 1" wide, shiny gold ring with cheap fake glass emeralds encased in it. It looked like a ring out of a nickle machine. The little emeralds of red, yellow and green went all the way around it. "You gotta be kiddin me, you want me to wear That." She said yes, "it's Special, I picked it out and liked it, so yes, you will wear it and like it. I like my Special rings, you will like yours. The girls will now know you belong to me Boofer." My wife, as kind, cute and cuddly as she could be normally, was also no one to fuck with in a mood.

So it was, I wore that cheap ring from that moment forward. Of course when she wasn't around, I put it in my pocket, especially around Men. But in her presence, I had to wear it. We'd be in these gatherings of friends, relatives, co-workers, happy hours, and she'd say, "Boofer, show everyone your wedding ring. I'd hold it up and there would be gasps, then loud laughter. She would then hold hers up, "Boofer and I are inseparatable." Personally, it was pretty funny shit, even then. But if I played her game, she fucked me like no one ever could or will again. She would fuck for me, with me, or without me if I wore that ring and showed devotion.

Boof still has that ring today. It's oxidized, the gold is gone, but those emeralds are still there like the love I have for that woman. Never be another like her. We find moments in our lives Never Forgotten, can't be duplicated, like the Wedding Ring Brew ha ha.

Boofer

[Boofer]

Wedding Rings III. Where were we last? Oh yeah, my wife was a stripper and Boof was wearing this dime store wedding ring for his wife. Bout a year of watching my wife strip, we still weren't rolling in the dough for some odd reason? Despite the airstream trailer living arrangements not much saved. So we headed out of the desert for cooler pastures and northward, back to Boof's hometown. My wife noted we were also headed back to my girlfriends hometown, and she better not catch me with dime store wedding ring off my finger.

We upgraded to a double wide trailer, retreaded spare tire for a swing for the kids, she went to work as a waitress on the highway, and Boof in a lumber mill. Life couldn't have been greater, fresh air, big home for hotwifing, and of course we wore our cheap wedding rings everywhere in town. But I couldn't forget those bright lights and my wifes naked ass on stage. The little checkered table cloth waitress outfits didn't match those g-strings and platforms. Did I mention the Cold weather, and my ring was oxidizing. Didn't matter, I had to wear this dark ring, with bright shiny glass emeralds to work with the guys. So I wore gloves to work every day, and she once asked why I wore gloves every day? It's like "shit, you don't want splinters in Boofs fingers when he's finger fucking you do you? Or shaking your boyfriends hands?"

Did I mention how cold it was up there in the mountains? Boof's old war wounds weren't used to this shit. Chinese metal had never met the snow and ice, and those long days tossing 2X4's left Boof crumpled at 34, with a hot wife in her late 20's who was a stripper and now a waitress. My wife was flirting with the Deacon in the church, and she was even flirting with my old girlfriends husband in the highway Diner with her wedding rings on.

Early one morning, I could smell a womany perfumey fragrance from the bathroom and noticed she was missing from the bed. She said, "get up Boofer and put your clothes on, I've called you in sick today at the mill." Holy shit and maybe Yikes! She was gonna take me somewhere and dump me out. She was wearing her fake rabbit fur jacket, her zip up jeans, big red hoop earrings, and red platform peep toed heels. She was going to war today, with her cheap wedding rings on.

We headed out of town in her new bright shiney car my dad bought her. My dad had instructed her to never let Boof have the keys, so I normally rode a bike everywhere, but my legs and wounds were killing me, not to mention a flirty wife who was up to no good. I kept asking where we were going and she told me to shut up and sit back, enjoy the ride.

100 miles later she pulls into this huge white Hospital in the mountains. She's gonna commit me, no doubt about it and marry some guy in the diner. I follow her thru the big doors and she says, "sit over there Boofer and don't move." She pounds on the front desk and says, "I want help for my husband Right Now! He's the Vet over there with the bright wedding ring on." This Hotwife meant business baby! Remember those zip jeans, red hoop earrings, I told you!

6 hours later and I'm feeling better with a ton of meds in me and more in my pocket. Olivia is sitting in the lobby reading Cosmo and chewing gum and waiting for her man with the bright wedding ring becoming oxidized. We begin the long journey homeward to our double wide in the mountains, stop for coffee in styrofoam cups. She reaches over, taking her right hand off the wheel and stokes my leg with her red finger nails. "Feel better Boofer?" Hell yeah, I'm pumped up, high as a kite.

She smiles passionately and sympathetically at Boofer. She's the medevac I've always waited for. The power in this woman, and she's mine with my cheap wedding rings on. She brushes thru her hair, "why don't you throw that cheap ass ring out the window Boofer? Why would you wear something like that and not stand up for yourself?" I like my wedding ring, you gave it to me. She smiles at me again, "I like mine too, I've seen your old girlfriend, so I like mine too."

I tell her she can "date alone" if she ever feels like it. She smiles wryly at me, "I've been dating alone since we married Boofer and telling you about it later." Oh yeah, good point.

Boofer

[Softail]

Boofer,
When is the next installment? I'm just getting caught up on reading this novel. It's a good read!

[shawn408]

How did I miss this thread? This is good stuff. You could make a TV show based on this. I'd say movie, but no one movie could contain all of this.

I just have one question for Uncle Boof: why did you not sell the first rings, and use that money to buy wife #2 a better ring?

[Boofer]

Thank You Softail for punching Boof the old Snake and I'm moving around again. Good Question Shawn and thank you. An Uncle Boof Bio, or Bibliography: Only 1 wife, 1 woman in Boof's life, the one and only, Olivia. The first set of wedding rings were purchased on time, a young impetuous Boof in love with his sweetheart the cheerleader. Shit happens and she left me on the doorsteps of war, with the wedding rings, class ring, lettermans jacket, and a box of love letters from school.

Sell those rings for better rings? Oh noo. Olivia was on to those rings and they better not leave the area. Not only those rings, but the Class Ring which had been melted down to fit my girlfriends finger. Olivia would make fun of me for having a melted down class ring. On the second day of our marriage, after some heavy 24/7 fucking, she found my Playboys in a box, pointed to the dumpster, and said, "I'll be everything you want in a woman Boofer, but what was Before is now gone, and from this day forward it's about Us, and Right Now!" And Howw.

The Wedding Ring Fiasco was funny to me today. It's like an extraterestial experience from another world. You gotta feel it, you have to be there to understand it. My wife and I had that. Peaks and valleys, good times and bad. It bonds you as a couple. I knew her better than she knew herself. She made my life complete by being herself and I obliged her even as a Cuckold and she favored me with it. So if wearing a carnival ring makes her happy, so be it. But her rings meant something to me, and she knew that also.

There were two things my wife loved to fuck with me over, those rings, and Truck Driving School. She liked to say, "Boofer and Trucks don't mix." At any gathering, parties, dinners with friends, she'd get this steely look in her eyes from across the table, (she always sat with other people), and I knew it was coming. "Did you know Boofer and trucks don't mix." Then she would tell about my misadventures driving trucks to hoots and laughter. And then she would say, "show everyone your wedding ring Boofer." I'd hold it up, it'd blind everyone, and more hoots and laughter.

When she was a stripper I discussed with her taking off the wedding rings for more dinero from guys. She said no, it didn't matter to them. She said she made more from wearing them because there were guys who offered to buy her better ones, and then there were guys who got a hard on looking at another mans wife naked in sexual poses. So hotwifing was even alive in those days from men wanting to fuck another mans wife, my wife, Olivia, with cheap but meaningful wedding rings.

Uncle Boofer

[Boofer]

Part IV, Going Away Party
After months of slaving away in the lumberyard, my boss, a former Jarhead himself, made me Forman. It was bad timing, because I was counting down the months till I could return to warmer weather with my Howife. I rushed home that day to tell her I was now a Foreman, as she was dressed for her niteshift as waitress in the hiway Diner. Her only response was, "I hope this doesn't mean trucks are involved?" Would you please stop it with the truck thing! A couple miscues anyone could make. She advised me of her intent to "Date Alone." She was gonna begin window shopping thru lunches with her waitress friend, Betty and her boyfriend. Betty's boyfriend was a cop and just used Betty for an occassional fuck. Now we'll have 2 occassional fucks, my wife and Betty at the Diner.

I was now Foreman, my grapefruit balls from the V had cleared up, and now she wants to Date Alone. I had a very responsible job in the yard, in charge of 4 Pentecostals, and 4 Heathens, and Boofer the Pharisee. The Pentecostals never liked me and my stories with the Heathens about my wifes days on a golden pole. 1 of the Pentecostals drove the flat bed Diesel rig used to pick up lumber and I was now in charge of him also.

Each day I rode my 10-speed bike with my wedding ring clutching the handle bars. You'd think she would offer Boof a ride, but no, she said it was good for me. Once out of sight, I put the ring in my pocket and wore gloves at work. If one of these guys at work ever saw that ring, I was screwed.

The Pentecostals intentionally set me up one day, and the Diesel driver called in sick. The Boss knew I was a big rig driver, so gave the keys to Boofer. I got the lumber ok at the mill, strapped it down, but crossing over this spur track next to the main hiway, the load shifted and 2X4's everywhere. I jumped out and began picking up 2X4's. I certainly can't call the office, they'll send the Pentecostals and I'll be a laughing stock.

I'm straighening the load with flares out along Rt.66, and I hear this, "Boofer, are you ok?" Holy shit, it's Olivia. She's got these big shades on and staring at me from across the street. It's around noon and I've been at work for an hour with lumber everywhere. Here she comes, running like a panty waist sissy, (which she is of course) in this spring dress, white hi heels with bows, and holding her sunglasses straight. The first thing I thot of was the weddding ring in my pocket, no shit, and while shaking, managed to put it on before she saw me without it.

She's got this scent about her, shapooed hair blowing in the wind and staring at me in the face. "Are you ok Boofer, you scared me to death. Betty noticed you from the hiway and wondered if that was you?"
No shit, I'm a man, I can take care of this. So I ask "what is Betty doing in your car at noon?" She then begins to laugh, "I'm going to lunch?" With another guy? "Yes, you told me to shop around, remember? Don't worry, it's just Betty's boyfriend and a friend of his for lunch." We didn't even discuss this last night, and these guys are gonna take them out and fuck their brains out.

Olivia's still laughing and walking around the trailer. She stops and handles the strap with her wedding rings. She's inspecting it like she knows something, the waitress from the Diner knows something I don't? Yeah, right. She says, Boofer, you didn't lock this strap over here. Then she starts giggling again. "I'm gonna have a serious talk with you tonite about trucks Boofer. In the meantime I have a luncheon date." She runs back across the street like a panty waist again in heels. Her and Betty just sit there and laugh before pulling out.

Three hours later and I'm about done, and here she comes again. "Boofer, do you have your wedding ring on?" Fuck yes, as I hold it up for her. I'm wondering if she hasn't been well fucked, but she hadn't, whew. I trust her. Bout as far as I can throw her, but I did check her panties out, and not a trace or drop of anything. She scolded me about driving trucks once more, and I reminded her Boofer is now a Foreman, so no more lunches.

She told me the two guys at lunch mentioned the dip shit who dropped a full load in town. She punched Betty with her cheap wedding rings and said, "Don't say a word."

Boofer

[Creampuff_Wife]

Boofer-

You spin such a fine yarn- I might be tempted to knit you a sweater! (While I'm waiting for you, in my purple dress, that is!)

CPW

[laura]

To share in the spirit, here’s another wedding ring ha-ha story….

She married her first husband at a tender age, barely over twenty. She was most positively knocked-up at the time, but Laura and Paul would have likely hitched-up at some point never the less. She enjoyed their hippy time together until the fateful day---the wedding day. He had bought her a very plain white gold band to wear with the small yet elaborate platinum/diamond ring that had been in her family for more than a time and a time. They spoke their vows and headed north up the coast. Later that night, their weddin’ night, Laura said to herself, “god, what have I done?” She knew on the very day of their wedding that the whole thing was a mistake…

…white gold band ring and bun in the oven no less…it was a mistake…

…there is a certain spot there in the smallest biggest..(or is it the biggest smallest?) City in the World where they say many newly divorced people have chucked their weddin’ rings into the Truckee River. It’s someplace close to the CalNeva, where there are many bands of gold flashing in the river hoping to be washed anew.

Laura’s cheap, thin band was among them.

Soon, Laura would meet a new man and rebuild things again. She met him at work—work… somewhere deep in the bowels of a huge conglomerate mega-company Steve and Laura met and soon struck up a conversation that lead to a circumstance or two. Okay, three or four…Damn, those afternoons along the pool with him in his swim trunks and she in that hot black bikini she had back then…, well, what can I (she) say?...

Laura

[Boofer]

I enjoy reading your work laura. I'm never sure if you're writing about laura or not? Doesn't matter really, it's about content and enjoyment, and I enjoy. This was rather sad to me personally, but I enjoy Shakesperean tragedy, darkness. Many have married over a baby and lost their way as a couple. I don't know if there is such a place on the Truckee River or no? I would hope my wifes rings never end up there, and they stay in my daughters jewelry box where they belong or do they? Maybe they should be in the Truckee River with the others, but I refuse the notion. They live on in memory like my light hearted story about them. Tragedy along a comedic path at another place and time in history.

So many ways to approach story telling and I enjoy yours laura. I once took a Civil War class from a professor who managed to bring the War alive with drunken Generals, dysfunction, and sex in the trenches. I never forgot his method of teaching. True stories spun over a campfire. Bringing things alive in print that have meaning to You.

Remember that song from the 50's about a drag racer in love with laura? ~tell laura I love her, tell laura I miss her~ tell laura I need her~as he died. I must have played that tune a 1000 times, and had no idea it would be my swan song.

Boofer

[Creampuff_Wife]

I don't know if there is such a place on the Truckee River or no?

Just for the record- yes there is. She was alluding to a quickie divorce in Reno. (One of the towns the Truckee River passes through.)

It's your kinda place, Boof!

[laura]

Don't be saddened Boofer. The bun in the oven turned out to be the best thing that could ever come outta that union. He will never surrender of his own free will, that much is fer sure.

Laura likes your wedding ring stories, Boof. Embroider along the lines of a few more of your bittersweet memories if ya feel so inclined…laura reads ‘em and enjoys your words as do many others…and yes, Reno is your kinda place.

laura
A rose by any other name would still have thorns.

[Softail]

Keep um coming Boofer! I appreciate your sharing this heartache. BTW - I was married in Vegas 22+ years ago; still am.