Samantha Getting Started

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 1:34 pm

Smiling - how about telling me what you want to hear from Samantha?? I'd like your perspective on her side of the story...

SmilingHusband · Unread post by **SmilingHusband** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 1:55 pm

Samanthasman wrote:Smiling - how about telling me what you want to hear from Samantha?? I'd like your perspective on her side of the story...

Sorry man, I think I am going to stay out of that one. I might discuss it privately with you, if you'd like.

Out4fungirl · Unread post by **Out4fungirl** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 2:16 pm

I have just classified this thread as a double entendre- too good to be true. Either it's a true story that is moving WAY TOO FAST, or it is just a story- either way, too good to be true.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 2:42 pm

Out - I guarantee there is no BS here. I'm still confused why some people think this is "so fast". Jane has been sleeping with armies of men. Some women are doing gang bangs. Even Smiling's wife is tracking 8 prospects, and she's been a HW as long as my wife. My wife is sleeping with 2 guys - one, just once so far.

I think I got off to a inaccurate start when I showed up never having seen this forum and announced we are newbies. Yes, we just embraced the HW lifestyle at the beginning of the year, however we were talking and experimenting (including with another man) for a decade. The pieces just kinda came together and we were both ready to jump in... Whenever we go into something we always tend to go kinda all in. Now we really do wanna do it right.

Out4fungirl · Unread post by **Out4fungirl** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 3:11 pm

Samanthasman wrote:Out - I guarantee there is no BS here. I'm still confused why some people think this is "so fast". Jane has been sleeping with armies of men. Some women are doing gang bangs. Even Smiling's wife is tracking 8 prospects, and she's been a HW as long as my wife. My wife is sleeping with 2 guys - one, just once so far.

Wow, where do I start? First off, every one that you mentioned had a clear plan with boundaries going in. Second, they've all taken time to assimilate their feelings before stepping up to the next level. Third, if one of you hasn't been diagnosed with a terminal illness, then it is absolutely THE WRONG MOVE to jump in with both feet. This isn't a competition- there are no prizes when she hits the 10th guy or the 100th fuck, but there are consequences for getting ahead of either of your comfort level, and I don't think that either of you have reevaluated your new comfort levels since her quick start. How could you? With all of her activity, how could you have had the time to really sit down and talk to each other? Her talking to you in bed while you're all charged up isn't what I'm talking about either.

Now is the time where you only address the point about talking and completely disregard the other points, just as you've done to the others who have urged caution.

One last point- it is EXTREMELY rude to point fingers at what others are doing unless they have asked you to. There are people that are already at the max of their comfort levels, and publicly calling them out can have bad repercussions in their relationships.

SmilingHusband · Unread post by **SmilingHusband** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 3:27 pm

Out4fungirl, good points, all of them. I don't mind that he mentioned me, it's OK. No worries. But, thanks for looking out.

Samshub, just a bit of a correction. Sweet Cheeks only has 4 prospects right now.

Unread post by **allengt** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 5:18 pm

I am getting sick and tired of all you holier than thou guys picking on people and/or their threads. Keep it up and I am just going to start deleting accounts.

sharemine2 · Unread post by **sharemine2** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:34 pm

allengt wrote:I am getting sick and tired of all you holier than thou guys picking on people and/or their threads. Keep it up and I am just going to start deleting accounts.

Thanks Allengt, I like the thread and Samantha is beautiful but dam, folks have sure been beating up on him.

BallSpanking · Unread post by **BallSpanking** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:48 pm

allengt wrote:I am getting sick and tired of all you holier than thou guys picking on people and/or their threads. Keep it up and I am just going to start deleting accounts.

zorro · Unread post by **zorro** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 7:28 pm

Samanthasman, I remain the outlier who feels what Samantha and you are doing can work out just fine. From our side, we have found NSA sex much better than BF model, because BF's take up too much time and energy. Also, it is fun to just go with the sexual surges of the moment and have R take on all the males present at an event without having to spend too much time getting to know them, with all the transactional baggage that carries.

For what it's worth, R says Samantha should know that supersize can be fabulous. Just the word of one woman for another.

I tend to side with you: I don't know that you need to have an end game when much of the future ahead is a path of adventure and exploration. As long as it works for both Samantha and you, it is a good path, R prefers to have me present during her adventures; Samantha seems to prefer playing alone. But there is a very erotic exchange of sexual engagement between Samantha and you that reminds me of R and me. We have no specific contract, aside from a few rules around safe sex, being considerate, and being honest. We talk a lot about our preferences. The guys come (in more ways than one), the guys go. We learn a lot from each encounter. And we have learned we are group sexual people and certainly not serial monogamists.

The statement remains true that there is no fixed HW model and that every couple has to find what is right for them as a couple. It sounds like yours is working well. And as I earlier predicted, after a period of NRE infatuation, Samantha's passion for Bill would subside substantially. I also predicted that her having more than one FB to diffuse out her attachment would keep your relationship stronger in the face of her feeling the urge of merge with another man.

I personally don't think what you are doing is headed for trouble. Enjoy the trek!

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Tue Feb 04, 2014 7:42 pm

Out - no offense or judgement was intended. I did not point out people as examples of people that were doing things wrong... I pointed out people that were doing things seemingly right.

Yes, I have received a lot if advice, but a lot has been contradictory. What I've learned is that there are different factions within HWing. I'm one of the few on here to NOT take sides. I'm trying to stay open minded and listen to all. I have indeed taken actions, but perhaps not all actions that everyone might want. This has made some like you feel that I'm not listening. I'm not sure how much more flexible it's possible to be.

We do need to created a community here where people can get advice in an open and non judge mental way. This forum has been invaluable to me as it made me understand that I am not alone. That said, some advice had been very polarizing.

Sam and I are exploring the HW lifestyle. She wants more of a BF (and some FWBs) and I am dealing with some insecurities that come with that. I think we are good, she says we are good, but I need a little advice along the way. In the mean time she's having a ton of sex and we're all having a ton of fun

Unread post by **MrsTruckstar** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 1:19 am

Zorro, if the goal is explore and have fun, then that is an end game in sight. If the end game doesn't exist, you may find yourself being carried away by the tide.

Be prepared plan twice act once. Plan never, act once and react many times.

Each adventure can have a new end game in mind.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 3:09 am

Ok... So one criticism I've gotten here is that I don't have an "end game". I guess I have to admit I don't know what that means. So - what does that really mean??

My wife and I do have rules and boundaries. We even created a document defining everything so that we're on the same page about everything. We say in our rules that the top rule is to spice up the marriage without harming the marriage. To me, that's an end game.

Are you saying for each guy to ask "how is this one going to end?" What if one scenario is to have a long-term BF??

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 3:42 am

Update: Samantha had a minor tiff with Bill tonite. She has been mildly active again on AM and I guess noticed he's been active as well. They talked about it. He asked her if she was seeing anyone else, and she admitted she was. She asked him, and he said he was not... But was just looking around a bit to entertain himself. She told him that made her a little jealous. She held me in her arms just a tad tighter than usual as she shared this update. I can tell she disappointed in bill.

In the mean time Sid is back from a trip and wants to see her next week.

And... Al (remember Al), is popping back up out of the blue with texts and phone calls. I'm encouraging her to pursue Al, but she's sort of torn. He's sort of an asshole with a big ego, but with a big dick and reputation for pleasing women. She wants him, but has a full dance card, and is annoyed that he has so many GFs that he sort of expects the women to come to him.

But... She is also considering going on a date with a new guy on AM...

I asked her how she's enjoying all this, and she confessed "I love it!!". I asked her if she likes fucking multiple men, and she says "I feel a little weird about that.. Still dealing with my own feelings and programming that it is wrong to be with more than one guy at a time..,". Seeing more than one guy at a time makes her feel a little slutty, and she does not like that feeling... Yet???

8pwek3 · Unread post by **8pwek3** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 4:23 am

allengt wrote:I am getting sick and tired of all you holier than thou guys picking on people and/or their threads. Keep it up and I am just going to start deleting accounts.

He seems quite capable of defending & articulating his position — your heavy handed threat seems arbitrary and unnecessary.

BallSpanking · Unread post by **BallSpanking** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:15 am

It isn't just a matter of Samanthasman defending his position, he has been trying to get Samantha to post her own views here, and the crticism of their dynamics works very much against that.

The forum is intended for people to feel comfortable in posing their questions and sharing their experiences, and a continual barrage of dire warnings dissuades her participation. This seems particularly odd in that their experience is not very different from that of many people in the lifestyle, and much less extreme or hazardous than many others here.

2 cents.

Unread post by **MrsTruckstar** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 8:31 am

Samanthasman wrote:Are you saying for each guy to ask "how is this one going to end?" What if one scenario is to have a long-term BF??

Not at all, you do what you want to do. I was talking to Zorro. However you asked.

When a single man goes out drinking on a thursday evening. The end game may be, go out and have a few quiet drinks and relax. If he never gets to the pub, he has failed and will evaluate and the next time he goes out he will learn by his mistake and improve his chance of achieving his goal.

If he gets to the pub has a couple of drinks and meets a girl to fuck and she wants to fuck him. That was never the end game but his rules and limitations may allow that kind of flexibility. However he gets drunk and cannot get a stiffy, therefore loses the shallow girl. He will evaluate it and make sure the next time he does better.

If he goes out with no plans at all and gets so drunk that he wakes up with a 280lb man fucking his arse whilst he is chained to a bed. He may wish (may not) that his plans and boundaries were a little more robust.

Having and endgame in sight means this -: "What do we want to achieve from this and when we get this far, will we evaluate it and move the goal." Those who don't plan do get stung, some get lucky.

Point being. Have a plan and evaluate it from time to time to suit you, ignore advice or take advice, that is your call. However if you ask for advice the polite thing is to at least read it, you never have to take it and usually it is given with the best intentions. If you don't want people advising you, tell your story in the form of a report. Some of what you read on here is bollocks and some is gold dust, the difficult thing is distinguishing what is what.

If somebody plans to end their marriage by pushing their wife to fall in love, they have evaluated it, thought about it and all the possible outcomes, then that is their decision. Don't expect everybody to like it but that is the beauty of the lifestyle, live as you wanna live.

People don't like it that my husband is Bisexual, however they are totally ok that I am. Life in the fast lane.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Feb 05, 2014 9:56 am

MrsTruckstar - thank you for that very well written explanation. I have been carefully reading everything written to me, and I have been taking action, which makes me think i'm taking advice, although some people keep telling me that I'm not listening.

I think your "end game" explanation is excellent!

I think the simplest way to explain our "end game"... which we defined based on feedback in this thread (listening) is: "Have lots of great sex (and bring that thrill and energy into the relationship to strengthen the marriage) and don't do anything to weaken the marriage".

We continuously are looking at each situation and opportunity and testing it against this guideline. In other words "OK, if we do X, will it result in great sex, and will it not weaken the marriage?". There are things, like cheating, that fail this test. Their are things like going away for a weekend with a BF (I don't feel comfortable with that at this point) that fail the test. Their are things like "Fuck Sid all afternoon and send pictures of HW sexcapades to your hubby" that pass the test.

I think this will keep me from waking up with a 280lb man fucking my arse... (which I'm personally not comfortable with that - it fail the test)

Would you say we have a decent "end game"?? Or, at least a start?

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Feb 06, 2014 9:36 am

UPDATE: Last night Sam and Bill had a date, but it was interrupted by a minor family emergency with Bill. Sam was a little pissed. She got all dressed up and was 45 mins into foreplay (an unusually long time for her) and he had to leave. She basically said "Well... how about at least a quickie!?!?" to which he said he could not even do that. She came home hot, bothered, and a little pissed off... I had a great time

In the mean time Samantha is still managing Bill's jealousy. Bill saw that Sam was still active on AM, actively looking, and he has been adjusting to that. He re-read her original profile that clearly said she was looking for a "sex based relationship".. it looks like that's exactly what he wanted going in but as he got to know her and really really like her, he's clearly started to want more. The thought of her looking for yet other men, really has bothered him and they've had to have several conversations about that. Samantha says "I think we are good now. He better understands what this is and is not and he still wants a sex based relationship with me very much. I also told him 'I want more sex from this sex based relationship!!'" and to that he agreed

Yes, it continues to bother me, at least a little that their are emotions like this in play, but I know my wife, she is managing things very well, she is constantly talking to me, she is seeing other people, and beside, I also realize that even if Bill went away tomorrow, this exact same thing would happen with the next guy. My wife is just very very easy to fall for. Not exaggerating - every man that has ever been with her has fallen for her. I asked her "what are you going to do when Sid falls for you?" and she said "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it"

Sam basically wants to fuck Bill 4-5x per week and Sid 1x per week for now. Wow. She also open to going on some other dates to see what happens - however she never sleeps with a guy until the 3rd date.

Interesting Samantha says she "feels a little slutty" - in a bad way, about seeing more than just Bill and I. I;ve said to her "I can sort of understand feeling slutty about being with two guys at once... but once you are sleeping with 2 regularly, what makes 3 slutty?" I think I have a point?? She admits she's just dealing with her own social programming and it took her some time to adjust to 2... so it's no surprise it will take her time to adjust to 3... etc.

How can you help a HW to get past feeling slutty (in a bad way)??

mrfunone · Unread post by **mrfunone** » Thu Feb 06, 2014 2:04 pm

Sam will deal with the slutty feeling in her own time. My wife had that slutty feeling the week she slept with 4 different guys! LOL (she says it was 8 days) She quickly got over it and realized she had a blast and wanted more!!

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 9:37 pm

UPDATE: I continue to just be annoyed with BF Bill... My wife is infatuated with him. She admits it and is open about talking about her feelings, and says she can keep it in check. They call and text all day. I told my wife this annoys me and this she did not call him at all today (and only send 3 messages). She said she is thinking of breaking up with him because it's bothering me. I told her "I don't want to be the bad guy here - I'm not going to tell you to stop seeing him"... to which she has said "I'm not making you the bad guy, this is my decision, I'm not resentful..."

When I look at Bill's situation here is what I see: he and his wife and some sort of "don't ask don't tell relationship", where supposedly his wife said "let's just both see other people and keep that private". The only way I can imagine a women coming up with that idea is if she's in love with someone else and telling the hubby to go find someone for yourself, which makes me feel like he's probably looking for love and not just sex. He asks my wife lots of personal questions that are questions you ask someone you're building a romantic relationship with - and not just a friendship with. He keeps asking her to spend the night at a hotel - which I don't feel comfortable with yet, and this is annoying (although in fairness, I never told him I don't approve an overnight.) I guess he is a BF and not a FB, but how far is too far?? I see my wife on a trajectory towards "falling in love" and my wife is telling me "I can keep this in check and keep from crossing that line"... i think that odds are she can, but she'd be skating along the hairy edge...

If she breaks up with him, I'll feel guilty - because it was my emotions that probably led to the breakup. If she does not break up with him I'll continue to feels annoyed and jealous. Because she is clearly ready to break up with him, I know she' prepared to give up something she really really wants for me, which makes me not want her to give Bill up. .

SO - Should Samantha DUMP BILL or should I just ignore my feelings of being annoyed.

HowardRoarke · Unread post by **HowardRoarke** » Sat Feb 08, 2014 11:39 pm

Dump him. The two of you come first in this adventure.

HR

LaveenHW · Unread post by **LaveenHW** » Sun Feb 09, 2014 12:04 pm

I believe that you two come first and if you are feeling anything but 100% secure with Bill then it needs to end. I have read back to the beginning of the posts here because I was interested to see how you both dealt with her needing to feel a connection with her fb. Although it sounded fun in the beginning for you it seems that it took a bad turn at some point close to it starting. I hear what you say when she tells you she will end it at any time, but from an outsider it seems that she would have a hard time with doing that based on her overwhelming interest in Bill. My hope is that you both can continue on with someone else and keep the excitement going. Gook luck.

Mia · Unread post by **Mia** » Sun Feb 09, 2014 2:45 pm

LaveenHW wrote:I believe that you two come first and if you are feeling anything but 100% secure with Bill then it needs to end. I have read back to the beginning of the posts here because I was interested to see how you both dealt with her needing to feel a connection with her fb. Although it sounded fun in the beginning for you it seems that it took a bad turn at some point close to it starting. I hear what you say when she tells you she will end it at any time, but from an outsider it seems that she would have a hard time with doing that based on her overwhelming interest in Bill. My hope is that you both can continue on with someone else and keep the excitement going. Gook luck.

Welcome to OHW, LaveenHW.

Mia

BallSpanking · Unread post by **BallSpanking** » Mon Feb 10, 2014 9:19 pm

My guess is that Samantha's opinion will determine the time and manner her relationship with Bill has run its course. Sure, your vote on the matter influences her decision, but my guess is she will want to pursue it until all the fucking cools a bit and gets complicated...

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