Samantha Getting Started

Unread post by **MrsTruckstar** » Mon Feb 10, 2014 10:08 pm

What if she gets fed up with your indecision - she came to you with a plan. You pissed on her cookies. You say you are Alpha, you did not act like it.

She is clearly caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. She handed you a decision all you had to do was rubber stamp it. But you didn't become the Alpha male and tell her to kick Bill into the long grass. You became the United Nations and debate it here, proving that giving yourself a title does not make you it.

She is trying to involve you and you don't grasp the nettle.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 2:42 am

Great point MrsT...

My thinking is: if I say "dump bill" she will, but it will be me that gave her a toy and then took it away. Instead I want her to decide what to do based on our test "is this hurting the marriage". Right now she believes we are all having fun and we have not crossed a threshold that is dangerous, and she believes she can keep everyone from crossing the threshold. She has gone several days without talking to bill on the phone, to let's things settle down a bit. Obviously if there were any lies, cheating, or omissions I would put my foot down and kill this relationship, but when we went into this together, from my initial suggestion, and set up rules that she is playing by, I admit I feel reluctant in pulling the rug out from under her because of my jealousy. I may still change my mind on this point.

Yes of course she has conflicts of interest, but she's a mature confident women with great control over l parties involved, and we continue to openly talk about this in great detail - what happens if he says I love you... If we have a fight... If your emotions grow deeper... Etc.

I do think I'm mostly alpha, because I'm a powerful man in the business world and not into the humiliation stuff, and I'm pretty take charge, but I do like a little denial, and perhaps some of the thrill of giving up control, so I'm still learning about myself.

In the mean time Samantha will probably see both bill and Sid thus week and we'll see how we fell about that.

I also, finally, got Samantha to start writing her own story they she will post in another thread at some pout hopefully soon.

Unread post by **MrsTruckstar** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 3:21 pm

Samanthasman wrote:Great point MrsT...

Thank you, I know LOL.

Samanthasman wrote:My thinking is: if I say "dump bill" she will, but it will be me that gave her a toy and then took it away.

Being as you use that analogy, if you gave a child a toy that was dangerous and may cause harm to them, their family or somebody else, then the right thing is to remove it - as long as that is within your power.

Samanthasman wrote:I admit I feel reluctant in pulling the rug out from under her because of my jealousy. I may still change my mind on this point.

Called dithering in my book.

Samanthasman wrote:I do think I'm mostly alpha, because I'm a powerful man in the business world and not into the humiliation stuff, and I'm pretty take charge, but I do like a little denial, and perhaps some of the thrill of giving up control, so I'm still learning about myself.

In social animals, the alpha is the individual in the community with the highest rank. An Alpha Male has certain unmistakable characteristics. A natural leader, he is a pack builder. He leads, provides for and protects his pack (his woman, friends, teammates, and so on). He never gives up, he never loses a fight and he doesn't let other guys fuck his women, unless he is fucking that person too.

Alpha males do not suck up or compromise with anybody, they make the decisions because they are the leader. Alpha males don't gossip or seek approval, they just do stuff and others follow. He also doesn't need to build himself up by tearing others down. An Alpha Male takes responsibility for his own actions, if he made a bad choice he rectifies it, even if a lower rank pack member feels the toys have been taken away.

A Beta male will avoid confrontation especially in the sexual arena.

8pwek3 · Unread post by **8pwek3** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 5:35 pm

Samanthasman wrote:...want her to decide what to do based on our test "is this hurting the marriage". Right now she believes we are all having fun and we have not crossed a threshold that is dangerous, and she believes she can keep everyone from crossing the threshold...

What if YOU think the threshold has been crossed (or is imminent) — can you not speak up also? If not, then you're in a cuckoldish relationship.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 5:52 pm

Samanthasman wrote:My thinking is: if I say "dump bill" she will, but it will be me that gave her a toy and then took it away.

Mrs T said: Being as you use that analogy, if you gave a child a toy that was dangerous and may cause harm to them, their family or somebody else, then the right thing is to remove it - as long as that is within your power.

Mrs T - You are good with analogies, however this one has a flaw. If I gave a child a grenade, than yes, it should certainly be taken back. But in this case I gave a child an iPad. Most people tell me "an iPad is fun and educational", while a few say "It's fun unless it's used incorrectly, in which case it can cause learning disabilities" ... The child seems to be having fun and is learning... Maybe not a perfect analogy, but the point is that there is a mixed opinion about this.

If it were universally true that having sex outside of the marriage is dangerous and should not be done, than what are we all doing here???

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 5:57 pm

8pwek3 Said: What if YOU think the threshold has been crossed (or is imminent) — can you not speak up also? If not, then you're in a cuckoldish relationship.

Answer: My plan of record is to 1) trust my wife to monitor this (she has assured me that she can), and 2) Verify by monitoring myself (and nobody knows my wife better than I)

If I feel the threshod is imminent or crossed, that I will certainly act by speaking up and putting my foot down. I have no hesitation in doing that.

forebiddenfruit43 · Unread post by **forebiddenfruit43** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 7:39 pm

Just joining this interesting relationship. I am of the persuasion that you sir are handling this perfectly. Speaking from the perspective of a husband who talked his sexy wife into a similar journey, you are endearing yourself to this woman by trusting her and putting those jealousies and insecurities in check(any man that say these two things don't surface when your wife is having hot sex with other men is lying, Being of the alpha persuasion makes this even more difficult to handle. So I say well done, enjoy this woman and you will see your relationship prosper as long as you both continue to give to each other what they need where possible.

roadrunner · Unread post by **roadrunner** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 8:33 pm

Samanthasman wrote:...
My thinking is: if I say "dump bill" she will, but it will be me that gave her a toy and then took it away. Instead I want her to decide what to do based on our test "is this hurting the marriage".
...

You probably don't need to "give her an order". It's usually better to diplomatically "recommend". That recommendation could run anywhere from a gentle suggestion to "strongly recommend", along with some good reasons why you feel the way you do. Then she can make the decision and you're not the bad guy!

Unread post by **MrsTruckstar** » Tue Feb 11, 2014 10:59 pm

Samanthasman wrote:
Samanthasman wrote:My thinking is: if I say "dump bill" she will, but it will be me that gave her a toy and then took it away.
Mrs T said: Being as you use that analogy, if you gave a child a toy that was dangerous and may cause harm to them, their family or somebody else, then the right thing is to remove it - as long as that is within your power.

Mrs T - You are good with analogies, however this one has a flaw. If I gave a child a grenade, than yes, it should certainly be taken back. But in this case I gave a child an iPad. Most people tell me "an iPad is fun and educational", while a few say "It's fun unless it's used incorrectly, in which case it can cause learning disabilities" ... The child seems to be having fun and is learning... Maybe not a perfect analogy, but the point is that there is a mixed opinion about this.

If it were universally true that having sex outside of the marriage is dangerous and should not be done, than what are we all doing here???

I am so glad you asked that. Some children will use that iPad responsibly, some will with little or no rules an supervision and will be irresponsible.

A grenade is not a toy, not even in the most weapon friendly states in the US. Neither is an iPad if it has free access to the gore and inappropriate World Wacky Web.

Lego bricks are a toy, most children will play nicely with them but if Lucy is making a big cube out of them and smashing johnny on the head daily, you may want to intervene; with advice and guidance first and then withdrawal - some things are never yes or no, right or wrong.

One man's medicine is another man's poison.

I think if their are very responsible HWs and their are those that are not. Oh and every station in between. We all have our boundaries and limitations and sometimes we need advice and guidance and sometimes we need to be told.

Key message if we are Lucy and we ask if me smashing Johnny over the head with the big Lego cube is bothering you, would you like me to stop? What is the next move?
A. Carry on until it reaches it's natural conclusion
B. Stop now, this should not hurt anybody
C. As you are enjoying it so much continue irrespective of the outcome
D. All of the above
E. Do nothing
F. Something else.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 3:10 am

Ugg...

My wife is almost to the point of giving me an ultimatum... Making me choose... Between her, and this forum! She says this forum is driving me crazy with doubt and thus driving her crazy. She says "trust me... I'm your wife... I've got this under control..." I tell her: "believe me babe, I do trust you! I'm going in some cases against the advice of experienced people that have traveled this road before us... And instead yielding to the faith I have in you"

She says "Bill is perfect for what you/we want. He gets it. If I dump him it's not what you want, and you don't even understand that. If I dump him and start seeing Sid more, then in no time at all we'll be at the exact same place with Sid. He is also good looking, powerful, sexy, and even rich. And, if I spend enough time with him, he will likely move towards being in love with me... Then, if I dump Sid, I'd probably start seeing david (an uber wealthy playboy executive she met on AM but has not really pursued do to having a full dance card)...Maybe we should just give up this whole crazy HW idea - I can do that - before you drive me crazy!"

My intuition tells me she is right and I should just shut up and enjoy the ride. This is at odds with what some others are advising and that is driving us both crazy...

Samantha is also writing her own story, with my encouragement, to post here.. She's written several pages but has stopped because she's thinking these forums are too negative and too much of a distraction to me. I'll try to get her to continue.

redskull · Unread post by **redskull** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:34 am

After reading this entire thread it sounds to me, you just need to get out of
This lifestyle all together. Now she's threatening/ telling you that if she breaks
up with Bill, she'll date the other guys and oh by the way they have more
Money than you. Sounds like she can't handle her feelings as well
Close Pandora's box at least for awhile and get your marriage back on track.
Disclaimer: my opinion only but hope it helps

SmilingHusband · Unread post by **SmilingHusband** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:57 am

dsmguy wrote:She is good at manipulating you.

yeah. her words sound even more dangerous than his acquiescence.

Steamroller!!!!!!!!!

Couchpilot · Unread post by **Couchpilot** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 7:12 am

Read this story right through, and here's what grabbed me the most...

Maybe we should just give up this whole crazy HW idea - I can do that - before you drive me crazy!"

Sounds like she's trying to tell you something...

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:02 am

dsmguy wrote:She is good at manipulating you.

Double Uggh! Give me a break guys...

I'd say that all spouses are pretty good at manipulating each other - based on years of knowing what the other person likes :0

This being said, her point is that their is not a problem with Bill or Sid or David or Al... the issue is that I'm jealous with whomever is the lead cock, which is true. If I tell her to dump Bill, she contents that I'll be just as jealous with Sid.. or David, or whomever... unless we just don't do this HWing thing all together, which she is also OK with. She's probably right about this.

Long before Bill, there was a guy, Al, that I was jealous of. That was before we even knew what HWing was. I drove her crazy at times suggesting she see him and then telling her to cancel. Multiple times over the years. Eventually, it fizzled out. Recently we discover HWing and with my encouragement, she starts dating multiple men, and instantly finds several to sleep with. She truly is a "dating fucking genius" - she can line up as many prime alpha specimens as she wants, pretty much at will.

She is NOT really interested in one-night stands or FBs. She is open to having one or more FWBs. She needs and wants BFs. She thinks Bill is a good fit - lots of chemistry, hot sex, he's married/committed (but in an open relationship), nice guy but less "formidable" that I am. He appeals to her hippie-chick roots, but will never provide the uptown-girl lifestyle and dynamic she also loves. She also believes I'm a better husband and father to my family than he is to his.

Her argument is that if I tell her to dump Bill and move on to Sid, then in no time we'd be dealing with the exact same situation - me wanting her to fuck a guy, and that making me jealous. The new guy, Sid, would probably make me even more jealous - because if anything, he's a more substantial guy that is more a younger version of me.

She does know me and her logic is pretty good...

So... this comes down to me being comfortable (keeping my jealousy in check) with her having a BF (along with some FWBs) or just telling her to stop HWing altogether - ether scenario she is fine with...

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:05 am

redskull wrote:After reading this entire thread it sounds to me, you just need to get out of
This lifestyle all together. Now she's threatening/ telling you that if she breaks
up with Bill, she'll date the other guys and oh by the way they have more
Money than you. Sounds like she can't handle her feelings as well
Close Pandora's box at least for awhile and get your marriage back on track.
Disclaimer: my opinion only but hope it helps

Either you read it wrong or I wrote it wrong...

redskull · Unread post by **redskull** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:10 am

Sid has money sounds like Bill not as much and Dave I ubber rich

Samanthasman wrote:
My intuition tells me she is right and I should just shut up and enjoy the ride.

That is not alpha but a cuckold. Shut it down for your marriage. IMHO

Edit: obviously she knows that you will be jealous no matter who it is and may actually want you to shut this down. To be your idea not hers but really hers, and by mentioning the other guys have money might get you to stop this quicker. Just a thought

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:53 am

arizona wrote:\You are inclined to trust your wife to "monitor" her feelings and cut it off with Bill when she has veered too close to the edge of the cliff. I'm trying to remember how many times I've read that on here, only to have the wife realize too late that she has already fallen over the cliff. Then the husband is left to moan, "How did that happen? I thought I knew my wife." Go read the Othello post, or the Panawife post, or the Agility post. Agility's marriage isn't over yet, but it is a perfect example of a man trusting his wife to "monitor" her feelings and cut it off when she feels herself to close to the edge. According to Agility, she is a very strong, well-grounded, level-headed woman. Yet she failed to properly monitor her feelings and fell head over heels in love with the other man. That fate very likely awaits you and Samantha.

[/quote]

I read the entire Othello thread. Tragic and sobering. I'm still trying to determine if it was real. (Naming it after a greek tragedy is suspicious)

I read the entire Agility thread. They went way farther out than I ever would, and it ended well. (though some argue it's not over)

I could not find a Panawife thread that ended in disaster. Can you show me what you are talking about??

I am very tuned in here, and trying to sort though the opinions. One thing is clear - there are different camps and different opinions. People are doing HWing in different ways. When I started posting, I was told by many, and almost convinced, that the BF model is a complete disaster and always fails, until I created a different thread (BF vs. FWB) in which tons of people said "Yeah, we do the BF thing - and it works great!". There are also plenty of people willing to provide armchair psychoanalysis - which is OK, after all I asked for advice, but then they sometimes get upset when I don't jump on the advice. It's not possible to take everyone's advice - when advice varies.

I'm not sure if I should quit HWing (I don't want to), or terminate the current BF (I suspect this would either lead to terminating HWing or lead to another BF that makes me just as jealous as the last two), or if I should focus within and deal with my own ability to trust my wife and manage my jealousy (I'm kinda leaning that way).

Morgan · Unread post by **Morgan** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 9:39 am

Quit writing so much is my advice.

limptrevor · Unread post by **limptrevor** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 9:59 am

Accept what she says about just one, Newbie. Few wives seek multiple guys, and pushing that is one of the biggest mistakes a hotwife's husband can make. Pushing her into something that doesn't appeal to her can turn her off the entire concept. Just accept what she wants.

SmilingHusband · Unread post by **SmilingHusband** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 10:00 am

yeah, just completely roll over. awesome idea.

bubbajack · Unread post by **bubbajack** » Wed Feb 12, 2014 10:06 am

Morgan wrote:Quit writing so much is my advice.

I think it's your anxious, indecisive, emotional scatter-shot questioning that, frankly, is driving everybody crazy, not just you - or, God help her! - Samantha!

Adding to Morgan's very sage advice, I would suggest that you wait, watch and keep your own counsel for a while. You actually have in your possession and control all the resources you need - certainly more than we have - to figure out what's best.

Plus you have even more, because you actually have Samantha as your wife, and so presumably know her pretty well - if you have been paying attention

- so you can best assess how perilous your position is. Some seem to think you are fine; others, not so much.

So ... ?

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Feb 13, 2014 3:17 am

Exploring a fantasy:

Samantha loves her new adventures. I continue to see a transformation into a highly sexual highly confident woman. I like it and I do trust her.

It really is pretty cool and erotic to be married to a smoking hot women that can and does fuck at will pretty much the men of her choice.

During pillow talk we explored some fantasy and and agreed it would be hot up explore a "7 Day Challenge" beginning immediately...

The rules are simple:
- Everyday, for the next 7 days, Samantha will have a minimum of 1 round (and a maximum of 3 rounds) of sex with another man
- A round is defined as resulting in a male ejaculation. It goes without saying there will be multiple female orgasms
- A minimum of 3 men will be involved in the challenge
- Husband will reclaim wife after every round
- Wife will be playing solo, but will document each round with pictures and/or recordings
- Husband will provide a variety a photos for wife to "replicate" during the challenge. For example, if husband provides a photo of a woman with cum dripping from her breasts, wife will replicate that activity during the challenge and take that same photo.

Samantha says "I'm totally up for this!"

Looks like we're gonna have the most sex-packed week of our lives... We'll see how reality tracks fantasy...

BallSpanking · Unread post by **BallSpanking** » Thu Feb 13, 2014 8:22 am

Samantha is sexy enough to double that benchmark in a week!

casualfun850 · Unread post by **casualfun850** » Thu Feb 13, 2014 8:41 am

I think someone needs to take a chill pill n slow down. This is not a race, its a slow enjoyable process. Its consuming you. Step back n chill.

54321 · Unread post by **54321** » Thu Feb 13, 2014 3:11 pm

I think Samantha is wonderful! She talks a lot of sense and really gets the fun aspect of all this. She is also very open and honest with you about her feelings. You guys also have previous experience to fall back on.

I'm coming to the conclusion that it's going rather well.

Just keep monitoring, keep communicating and keep enjoying.

Every good wish to you both,

54321

Our Hotwives

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