Samantha Getting Started

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Wed Jun 04, 2014 10:09 pm

BallSpanking wrote:Not everyone is cut out for this lifestyle.

You may be right. I'm determined to make it work, but at times it feels hopeless.

I feel like "we are intelligent people... We can figure this out..."

agawim · Unread post by **agawim** » Wed Jun 04, 2014 11:34 pm

BallSpanking wrote:I've even asked her if she wants to separate and just be with Bill. If she loves him and wants him. She repeatedly says "no - not at all! You and I just need to take a break form the whole HW thing!"

Maybe listen to her SM.

Wim

HowardRoarke · Unread post by **HowardRoarke** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 2:11 am

Samanthasman wrote:She repeatedly says "no - not at all! You and I just need to take a break form the whole HW thing!"!

I think she's given you the key.

Whether it's of brief duration, like your previous one, where the absence of Bill helped bring her around, or whether it's a longer break, she clearly recognizes you're getting nothing from this, and seems prepared to go "all in" on her primary relationship. That's heartening, right?

As I've said before, still pulling for you both.

HR

Iamtheman · Unread post by **Iamtheman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:20 am

Samanthasman wrote:
zorro wrote: I just don't get it. It's insane. She can have everything she wants and she won't give an inch it feels like. There is some block. Maybe she's terrified of ever feeling forced to do anything she does not want to do!? Maybe it's a bluff, as some here feel, but the truth is that i feel like her letting me watch her with Bill at this point will actually benefit her more than me because otherwise, I'm out. I'm just not feeling it.

SM,
I think that we all recognize as members of this forum that there are choices we make and feelings we have that do not make sense to others no matter how logical it seems to us. This may simply be one of those cases where you're on the outside looking in with Samantha. Maybe she doesn't like the idea of being tag teamed by the father of her children and another man. Or even watched. It might just be a mental block for her if she's suddenly in a role with you that brings her a feeling of guilt or shame. You've mentioned that she's struggled with the labels of "slut" vs. "stud". From all you've said, Samantha has admiration and even respect for you as a man, as a father, a husband, and a successful business partner...That isn't her relationship with Bill, Sid, or however many others. She might want to be the slut for them and the model wife and savvy CEO to you. She doesn't risk losing respect from them with her actions. Maybe she has fears (unfounded or not) that bringing you directly into that world will change the way you see her, or the way she thinks you see her. In videos, she's somewhat removed from the activity. In person, she's not. It sounds so stereotypical. A powerful businessman who wants to get his freak on but would feel completely shamed if anyone saw/heard the things he did when out from behind the boardroom desk.

It's all speculative because it's Samantha's fixation. Not yours or any of the readers in this thread. Rather than questioning why she feels the way she does, I think you just need to accept it. If her model doesn't work for you, and your model doesn't work for her, and you can't find a compromise, you're at an impasse. Period.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:36 am

Iamtheman wrote:
Samanthasman wrote:
zorro wrote: I just don't get it. It's insane. She can have everything she wants and she won't give an inch it feels like. There is some block. Maybe she's terrified of ever feeling forced to do anything she does not want to do!? Maybe it's a bluff, as some here feel, but the truth is that i feel like her letting me watch her with Bill at this point will actually benefit her more than me because otherwise, I'm out. I'm just not feeling it.
If her model doesn't work for you, and your model doesn't work for her, and you can't find a compromise, you're at an impasse. Period.

Yep...

However, I never give up. We are intelligent people that should be able to get past this.

SmilingHusband · Unread post by **SmilingHusband** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 5:48 am

it's "brinkmanship" on Sam's part, plain and simple.

(it's a term to describe certain postures in world diplomacy, typically far back in world history).

Iamtheman · Unread post by **Iamtheman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 6:01 am

SM,
I admire your tenacity. The last sentence in my message though wasn't the one that I considered the most important. I understand that the general consensus is that Samantha may be digging in her heels and unwilling to give you anything that you need to fulfill your fantasy. That may be the case, but her resistance to include you may come from genuine hangups or fears that she has. If she can't work through them, you're essentially saying "take one for the team". Everyone can argue about whether that request is justified. Perhaps though the conversation with Samantha should switch from "why won't you do this?" to "why are you afraid to do this? what do you think will change?" At the very least, it may be a new direction that could stimulate new discussion and hopefully move you farther down the road to some middle ground.

a_unique_being · Unread post by **a_unique_being** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 6:25 am

Hi SM

If you guys do take a break from it all (including Bill), what do you think are the chances of Samantha talking and meeting Bill behind your back again? Does she trust herself to commit to your relationship and being honest about Bill? What do you think?

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:08 am

a_unique_being wrote:Hi SM

If you guys do take a break from it all (including Bill), what do you think are the chances of Samantha talking and meeting Bill behind your back again? Does she trust herself to commit to your relationship and being honest about Bill? What do you think?

She's knows that would be a major move. I doubt she would but honestly I'm not 100% sure. She would rationalize that "it's just sex"... But I doubt she would do that

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:43 am

Iamtheman wrote:SM,
I admire your tenacity. The last sentence in my message though wasn't the one that I considered the most important. I understand that the general consensus is that Samantha may be digging in her heels and unwilling to give you anything that you need to fulfill your fantasy. That may be the case, but her resistance to include you may come from genuine hangups or fears that she has. If she can't work through them, you're essentially saying "take one for the team". Everyone can argue about whether that request is justified. Perhaps though the conversation with Samantha should switch from "why won't you do this?" to "why are you afraid to do this? what do you think will change?" At the very least, it may be a new direction that could stimulate new discussion and hopefully move you farther down the road to some middle ground.

Yes, good advice. I'll try this. I think she will just keep saying "I don't feel comfortable" and I sort of doubt she understands why.

She did not feel comfortable with me talking to Bill and I did and as a result it opened the door to him coming back. It's more to her benefit to get me more involved than it is to me or to Bill. She's the ultimate beneficiary.

I've even thought about calling Bill and basically saying "Bill, samanthan is compartmentalizing her relationship with you so much that I basically feel like I'm barely a part of it any more. It's just not doing anything for me. I like you but I'm about to pull the plug again. The truth is that she wants to see you 3 nights a week, and I'm pretty sure I'm fine with that and I'm pretty sure that's exactly what you want. If she just included me some how maybe watching in the room or even from the doorway once a week, even for just one of your 2-3 rounds, I'd be happy and feel included, and I'm pretty sure it would be a blissful relationship for all... What do you think!?"

joytous3 · Unread post by **joytous3** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 8:59 am

I'm betting he'd be just great with that. It's reasonable. It's fair. In my bull days I got a big charge out of giving a husband what he wanted and if I knew what he liked I'd try to make it happen. It only made sense; if he was getting what he wanted out of the situation, I'd get invited back and welcomed to make love with his wife again. And she was pleased that I made him feel included and comfortable. If you do talk with Bill again, I would also ask him very candidly if she's confided in him just why your watching or being there is such a stone wall for her? I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that she's told him. Don't get all bent that she's confided in him about some things. They were/are intimate lovers-of course they'll talk about things private and intimate and shared just between them.

SmilingHusband · Unread post by **SmilingHusband** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 9:27 am

Samanthasman wrote: I've even thought about calling Bill and basically saying "Bill, samanthan is compartmentalizing her relationship with you so much that I basically feel like I'm barely a part of it any more. It's just not doing anything for me. I like you but I'm about to pull the plug again. The truth is that she wants to see you 3 nights a week, and I'm pretty sure I'm fine with that and I'm pretty sure that's exactly what you want. If she just included me some how maybe watching in the room or even from the doorway once a week, even for just one of your 2-3 rounds, I'd be happy and feel included, and I'm pretty sure it would be a blissful relationship for all... What do you think!?"

I read that and my first thought was "who is in charge here?"

second thought; Bill is not the one you need to convince here. he's not the one that's supposed to love you, and want this to be a team experience, and shared experience.

guess who that person is?

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:45 am

SmilingHusband wrote:
Samanthasman wrote: I've even thought about calling Bill and basically saying "Bill, samanthan is compartmentalizing her relationship with you so much that I basically feel like I'm barely a part of it any more. It's just not doing anything for me. I like you but I'm about to pull the plug again. The truth is that she wants to see you 3 nights a week, and I'm pretty sure I'm fine with that and I'm pretty sure that's exactly what you want. If she just included me some how maybe watching in the room or even from the doorway once a week, even for just one of your 2-3 rounds, I'd be happy and feel included, and I'm pretty sure it would be a blissful relationship for all... What do you think!?"
I read that and my first thought was "who is in charge here?"

second thought; Bill is not the one you need to convince here. he's not the one that's supposed to love you, and want this to be a team experience, and shared experience.

guess who that person is?

Can't argue with you...

Iamtheman · Unread post by **Iamtheman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:59 am

Samanthasman wrote:
SmilingHusband wrote:
Samanthasman wrote: Can't argue with you...

Is Samantha reading through this thread with you today? I'd like to hear her take on the comments, or is she off with Bill? Or is it Sid today?

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:14 pm

I invite Samantha to read this, but she rarely does. I'm fine if she does...

We just got done talking a little about this - she said she would like to see Bill tonite. I said "are you gong to let me watch?". She hemmed and hawed and finally said "tell you what - you have to call him and ask him!"... To which I said "so, then you would be ok?"... To which sh said "I don't know if I'd be ok... Don't you care about my feelings and my happieness??"

My response: "trust me - this is a good thing for you! It will make your husband happy and involved! It will open the door to continuing to see Bill". Her: "but it will make me uncomfortable... I won't be able to look at you... I'll be unhappy! Do you want to be happy at the expense of my happieness?

Me: "this will be good for you. You will feel uncomfortable for 5 mins and then it will become fun and/or no big deal. Won't it make you happy to know how happy this makes your husband? This will make it possible to keep doing this... You need to stop focusing on your needs for a while and focus on mine. I love you, but I feel like you are being selfish and self centered here.,

Today she is also doing warm loving errands for me to show me she loves me, because I've been upset with her.

WantMore · Unread post by **WantMore** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:31 pm

Lol Good for you SM! Im mad at her for bringing up this "my happiness bullshit" Dude all you have done is bend, bend and bend!!! Hell youve bent so f much your about to make a full circle.

This time around, take the reins and put her thru some hw training so you can be happy.

Im very interested to see if she bends a little and actually allows you to be in the room.

You guys might have just reached a pinnacle point.. Its do or die time for her.

WantMore · Unread post by **WantMore** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 12:40 pm

Yeah and somethin else! She just pulled the brinkmanship string on you as Mrs.T puts it!

She basically said, lets see if you have enough balls to call Bill and ask him. When you said ok, she pulled the "my happiness" string on ya to try and regain the control.

Just like I said all along. She is a pro manipulator! This hw world is more about her than you!

Till that stops youll never be happy with her actions.. My question. Can it stop?

Iamtheman · Unread post by **Iamtheman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 3:26 pm

I don't think there is any harm is calling Bill since you've spoken to him before. It's good that Samantha is aware of the call though, rather than phoning him without her knowledge. If he really is open to being watched, maybe Samantha will see his willingness as putting to bed some of her fears. She was nervous about the two of you talking, and then it happened. Understandably this is very different, but if two out of three are open to it, she may not feel as though you're dragging her into it. I would just suggest making baby steps rather than ripping off the bandage. Peek from outside the room the first time. Let them be after the first hour (seriously? He really goes for hours?). Once everyone starts getting comfortable, move a little closer the next time they meet and so on.

The fact that she even put it on the table is a step forward! You're the best judge of her emotions right now, but I say to call him.

Samanthasman · Unread post by **Samanthasman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 4:37 pm

After a little more conversation, and me approaching this by asking "what are your concerns?" She basically says that watching is the gateway to wanting even more stuff she is not interested in. I asked "like what?", and she says "like watching every time, wanting an MFM, or who knows wanting naked lepricons to join in!"

I assured her that I was open to agreeing to not asking for more and putting some limits on even the watching... At times she at least listens, while at other times she gets mad if I even bring it up.

Iamtheman · Unread post by **Iamtheman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 6:16 pm

Leprechauns may be a bit of a stretch, but I can understand Samantha's concern. You made a comparison between HWing and addiction...and your daily fix seems to have escalated over time. Your first rules were something along the lines of "have sex and don't mess up the marriage". Now it's become "have sex with me watching and don't mess up our marriage". So, how long before it's "have sex with all your holes filled and a dick in each hand while I'm filming it...oh, and don't mess up our marriage"?

Its the nature of addiction and she's worried where you're going with it. It's good that you agreed to putting some limits on what you'd like next (just make sure you can stick to the limits). Baby steps. She just needs to gradually get comfortable with something that her mind is struggling with. I still think you need to approach this with Bill, or Sid, or whoever. You're taking for granted that these guys are open to what you're looking for. I also think that for the ground that she gives you, you should also give back. Watching, MFM, whatever you two can find as middle ground. Give her some one on one time with her lovers as well. She's making you happy by agreeing to your wants, make her happy by letting her have some privacy too (she can film it even to give you a view). It's balance that serves you both.

Here's to hoping that you both find your way and this weekend brings some fun adventure.

WantMore · Unread post by **WantMore** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:07 pm

Samanthasman wrote:I would love to watch her. The guy she is fucking has done some swinging and says he's be ok making a video... Not quite a hot as live I suppose, but sounds like a hot start...

You mentioned you wanted to watch from the start. This you posted in January. Its nothing new. Sm has wanted to watch since they started. She has known that. She gives him excuses to not allow it.

DaBolts · Unread post by **DaBolts** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:18 pm

Iamtheman wrote:Leprechauns may be a bit of a stretch, but I can understand Samantha's concern. You made a comparison between HWing and addiction...and your daily fix seems to have escalated over time. Your first rules were something along the lines of "have sex and don't mess up the marriage". Now it's become "have sex with me watching and don't mess up our marriage". So, how long before it's "have sex with all your holes filled and a dick in each hand while I'm filming it...oh, and don't mess up our marriage"?

Its the nature of addiction and she's worried where you're going with it. It's good that you agreed to putting some limits on what you'd like next (just make sure you can stick to the limits). Baby steps. She just needs to gradually get comfortable with something that her mind is struggling with. I still think you need to approach this with Bill, or Sid, or whoever. You're taking for granted that these guys are open to what you're looking for. I also think that for the ground that she gives you, you should also give back. Watching, MFM, whatever you two can find as middle ground. Give her some one on one time with her lovers as well. She's making you happy by agreeing to your wants, make her happy by letting her have some privacy too (she can film it even to give you a view). It's balance that serves you both.

Here's to hoping that you both find your way and this weekend brings some fun adventure.

I thought he has always wanted to watch or have a 3some. He has been giving and giving

Iamtheman · Unread post by **Iamtheman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:24 pm

He's made those comments on the forum but has he approached it with her before now? Has she always a known that was a goal?

Regardless, I stick to my advice. I think persistence, understanding, and balance gets everyone to a place where they have something to enjoy.

DaBolts · Unread post by **DaBolts** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:30 pm

I would assume so since he claims to have a long talk with her about HWing about every other day.

Iamtheman · Unread post by **Iamtheman** » Thu Jun 05, 2014 7:32 pm

Well...you know what they say about assuming :-)

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