I have also provided a bonus condensed compendium of reasons why a man would want his wife to sleep with another man as sourced from the main forum discussion at the end of this article. I took the liberty of reading every post in the referenced discussion thread and netted out all of the reasons that posters provided to the question, Why would a guy want his wife to sleep with another man? and netted them out all into a single consolidated list. In many instances I paraphrased the reasons and lifted them out of their sometimes lengthy contexts, so you'll just have to go read every last post in that forum if you prefer to read the original text along with their contexts. It was just really interesting to see the entire list condensed and I hope you enjoy it.
For myself and for many that can't articulate 'Why would a guy want his wife to sleep with another man?', it often comes down to one word. Compersion.
That one word deserves an entire book to fully explain and explore. I’ve read dozens of books and articles on the lifestyle and I’ve found only one book that provided a whole a chapter devoted to the subject. That book is Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, a terrific read with another key chapter dedicated to the subject of jealousy. If you read that book those are the two must read chapters. Another must read is The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Even as good as these books are, I have yet to find a entire book dedicated to the subject of what this forum and most of us term Hotwifing. Another few disclaimers before I continue: I have no association with the authors or promoters of these or any other books or websites I might mention. I am like you, a practitioner of the lifestyle with a lifelong desire to grow and understand my own evolving sexuality through constant introspection as well as learning from the experience and wisdom of other experienced practitioners. Some of you might say I am over thinking things, but I enjoy delving into such matters and no one is forcing you do to so. If you are of that mindset I respectfully suggest that you stop reading this post at this point as I’d not like to frustrate and pain you any further.
[Begin Soapbox]
In my opinion, neither the term HotWifing nor Cuckolding are adequate verbs for the core of what this is all about. Both of these terms are basically limited nouns often twisted uncomfortably into even more awkward non-descriptive verbs. It would be the same as using the term CARing to describe what it is like to drive an automobile, which we all understand as driving which involves a car but more important, describes the experience where the car itself is only a single element of a much broader experience. What we are discussing here is an experience, not a thing. In my opinion, Compersion is at core of that experience to which we either aspire or practice. I will admit that also remain at a loss of an adequate good verb - even now. Thus, after this entire tirade I am resigned to continue using the most common verb, Hotwifing, until some genius coins something new and brilliant.
[End soapbox]
What most here are attempting to do in related discussion thread is to define the many and varied attributes of the activities that lead to Compersion. As I said, HotWife and Hotwifing are limiting terms in themselves. This isn’t just about the wife, it’s about the couple. And if you are really enlightened sexually then who is to say a same sex couple or a polyamorous group can’t experience the very same? In my opinion and after long and deep deliberation, HotWife and Cuckold simply do not do justice to the partners nor the practice. In fact, each often shares attributes of the other, proving that both descriptors fall woefully short. Thus, too many people are left in a quandary simply trying to explain it to a wife or partner for the first time or differentiate between these two distinctly different lifestyles as I had for a long time. Think about it, how many men or woman in a relationship have ever approached their partner out of the blue and blurted out “Honey, I’d like us to try Hotwifing!” Maybe some have, and if he or she doesn’t look at you crooked from the start well, you get my point. Nor would most of us in the Hotwife forum want to say, “Honey, I would like to try cuckolding”, because as many of you know or are learning that the emphasis of the two are fundamentally different even though they have a some overlapping attributes. It does however make more sense to say to the love of your life, “Honey, I’d like to experience Compersion with you” and go on to define what a truly unique and amazing shared experience Compersion is - an experience like no other.
Let’s get back to the original question at hand: Why would a guy want his wife to sleep with another man? The best and more concise answer isn’t simply because it’s fun. So far however, that has been about the best and most concise short answer proffered in 18 pages of terrific posts to the original forum question, but it also falls woefully short and inadequate in its generalization. Try telling your wife want her to fuck other men simply because it’s fun and see how far you get! Heck, lots of things are fun. Taking a trip is fun, bumper cars are fun, and boating or skiing are all fun. So go do those activities if you want fun. Of course what we’re all doing here is fun, but that is simply another general descriptor. So what is the single best answer? It is more concise and simpler than that: Most men wants his wife to sleep with other men to achieve Compersion. .
You see, real Compersion cannot be achieved alone or with just anybody. It necessarily requires your primary dedicated partner - the one with whom you are in love. And while we’re at it, it is not necessarily limited to a wife sleeping with other men. I expect there exists a very small minority of woman that are capable of and do experience the very same, so the question could be or made gender neutral so as to not be so sexist from the very get-go. After all, we’re really talking about true sexual equality here, are we not? I will offer an explanation and theory near the conclusion of this post why the predominant practice is what it is and why there are few women in this lifestyle that want their men to be with any other female partners and why men generally prefer to remain monogamous.
So let’s get down to some specifics. What is Compersion? Books like Opening Up do a far better job than I can, but here is my best shot: Compersion is experiencing pleasure vicariously through your partner by turning jealousy on it head. It requires one to recognize, master, and actively manage the attributes of jealousy to such a degree as to turn it into a higher level of erotic energy and state of being unique unto itself. Compersion is a metaphysical state of being.
Notice that I didn’t say ‘get over’ or unlearn jealousy. Jealousy is an essential and critical set of emotions that provide the fuel for Compersion. Getting ‘over’ or ‘past’ jealousy would be like saying if you don’t like some foods, permanently numb all the nerves in your mouth. Tarmoino does a good job breaking down jealousy itself into its discrete components that include fear, insecurity, envy, competitiveness, inadequacy, possessiveness, fear of abandonment, feeling unloved and feeling left out. I’d like to add my own to the list that include self-doubt, self-worth, and self-esteem in there as well. I am in agreement with the author that jealousy is too broad a term and means different things to different people without specifics. Jealousy manifests itself in different ways and we need to use it as a warning light or a guidepost to alert us so that we can use it effectively. I personally have come to realize that it is really a tool and a skill that needs to be learned, managed, mastered but not overcome.
A good question is, does the woman experience Compersion? My mate says she does, but hers is the vicarious pleasure she gets from the pleasure I am getting from hers. We feed off each other, the more she enjoys the more I do and the more she does and on and on. I would like to hear more examples about aspects of Compersion enjoyed by women from women themselves.
There are also a few fundamental requirements to be successful at achieving true Compersion. The most important one being empathy - a whole boatload of it. You cannot, I repeat, cannot experience anything vicariously without being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, and for many men in this practice this figuratively means putting yourself in your wife’s stilettos in both the emotional and physical aspects of her very being. No, that doesn’t make you gay, not by a long shot, but it does make you one with your partner and makes a shared experience possible. Because that is what this is all about, a shared experience, otherwise you could just get your jollies through generic porn or watching strangers fuck which you already know doesn’t create the same excitement and rush. No, this is about experiencing something amazing with, and more importantly, through the wonderful partner whom you are committed and who you love with every ounce of your being.
There are also some fundamental prerequisites for successful experience of this lifestyle. The first of these is growing and strengthening one’s own self-security followed by growing and strengthening the security of the relationship itself. The secret to achieving the latter is unbreakable trust, total honestly, and complete loyalty to the emotional primacy of the relationship. That does not mean the lady doesn't become emotionally involves with her partners, but you are number one. By the way, if she and you decide she can take on additional number ones then you've become polyamorous. Also, be careful not to confuse loyalty with monogamy as the two are vastly different.
As many have pointed out, it takes a couple that are open to new ideas and experiences and able to break the bonds of cultural and conventional mores that society has foisted upon us and into which most of us have been passively indoctrinated. I could have said brainwashed as a stronger term than indoctrinated but I don’t think we need to be reprogrammed to break away and think for ourselves as free individuals. All we need is a little courage.
And gentlemen, let’s not be intellectually dishonest and excessively altruistic about all of this. I am going to call a spade a spade that I haven’t seen called often. This lifestyle involves the recognition and admission of both selfish desire and the ability to be completely and utterly selfless - simultaneously. The two can and must coexist. Both are core motivators and both must be present and genuine else you are just whoring out your wife. On one hand (excuse the pun), we seek self pleasure as the driving force, else why do it at all? On the other hand, if you are going to truly experience real Compersion you have to want to please your partner with every ounce of your being but also admit your own selfish desire in the process. As my partner read down the condensed list I compiled at the end of this article she was struck by the very same thing I was when viewing the list in its entirety - that most of the answer comes across as being about only the woman's pleasure. We know that not to be case. She got it when I explained that is actually is about the woman for most men, it is about our focus on our women and not simply gratuitous pleasure. But let's get real, if you men are not getting off and admitting that's the number one reason why you enjoy this, then I'll assume you'll also have no objection to being castrated.
Men, here are two ultimate tests for you. Assume you are a lucky bastard like I’ve been and your wife, girlfriend, fiancée, or primary mate fucks other men and you get extreme pleasure from it. Can you honestly and immediately cease the activities without argument or self pity if she says she never wants to do it again and be totally happy and content for the rest of your life? And an even tougher test, are you ready to let her go if she says she doesn’t want to continue the relationship with you, even if you’ve been married for many years, kids, house, the whole shebang just to see her happy? If not, you lack the selflessness required to be successful in this endeavor. Yes, it is a real risk, trust me, I know from harsh experience but as some others pointed out earlier, who would want a slave for a spouse? OK, some do but we’ll not go there as that is another kink and lifestyle entirely.
What are the reasons people do it? Some here have done a very good job at describing the many and varied reasons. The compendium at the end of this article lists a slew of them. There isn’t a fixed set and like food we are free to choose among many ingredients and combine them and cook them into an endless array of flavors that satisfy the palette. I can list, for myself, a few the ingredients that are in my kitchen; my cupboard contains many more than these.
A Few Reasons Why
- Experiencing my partner’s pleasure and experience vicariously as if my own. It is about as close to being physically inside her body mentally and physically – a true metaphysical experience and the ultimate sexual and emotional form of Compersion.
- Feeling the pangs of jealousy in all of its specific variants and transforming them into titillating erotic emotions and feelings.
- Enjoying the sweet torture of denial. Denial is on a highly variable continuum. Just your wife having sex with another while you watch or wait is by itself is a subtle form of denial. The continuum of denial stretches all the way from very mild to the extreme and crosses into the dominant/submissive realm of cuckoldry. I like to think of it as extreme and extended foreplay: the pleasure derived from the journey is every bit as sweet as the destination and makes the experience a lasting one both during and after for both of you.
- Experiencing the thrill of competition as well as the real and perceived high stakes of losing. Some here have rightfully referenced the biological foundations of human reproduction and sperm competition. A good book I’d recommend related to that is Sex At Dawn – How We Mate, Why We Stray and What It Means For Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha – riveting and enlightening to say the least.
- Watching your wife sexually bloom and become the free and independent sexual being she deserves and wants to be - and that you also want her to be. What man doesn’t want his wife to be a nymphomaniac? Most do. What is that old adage? Men want a good girl by day and slut in bed? The challenge is helping her get over the cultural indoctrination and programming that she has endured her entire life. It is truly ironic in our culture that promiscuous men are held up in esteem as ‘studs’ while a women who enjoy sex are derided as immoral whores to be shamed. Earlier I mentioned the book The Ethical Slut – it’s a must read for both men and woman open to exploring sexuality. My favorite passage in that book is when the authors describe how a ring on a finger isn't some magical chastity device that turns off our sexual attraction to others.
- Give her a better, different or broaden her sexual experience. What? You really think you are some sexual savant and best she’s ever had or could ever have? Keep dreaming. You might be able to play football but it is highly unlikely you are good enough to play pro ball, let alone be a true pro at balling your wife. But that’s not the point or the goal. We invite the competition because it is exciting and, when she says her other stud is amazing and hits places you never hit and gives her orgasms you never have, go with it and enjoy the ride. You might even learn a thing or two about how to improve your own skills and please your wife better. In some cases her other lover(s) may in fact give her greater satisfaction but in many cases she is just enjoying the shiny and new, the different, the taboo nature of it all, the attention, the chase or all of the above and more.
- Enjoy your own personal porn star. It is true that there is no porn that can ever compare to watching your mate in action. After all, she is your sexual goddess and the sexiest and most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. I cringe at this a little in that I see porn as a bit more objectification than experiencing it with your wife who is your lover, your best friend, your confidant and partner in crime, but still, it’s a fair analogy from the man’s perspective. Women, think of it this way: What would you prefer – having your man secretly jack off to some generic porn or jacking off to you?
A Few Favorite Games of Ours
Here are a few games my partner and I enjoy.
- Pillow Talk: This is where many couples start and stay their journey. It can often be the ice breaker where the notion of the wife having sex with other men becomes socialized and acceptable - at least in the mind and is the least threatening. For many couples, fantasizing is where it might stop for any number of reasons. Nevertheless, this can be quite enjoyable and satisfying for many and become quite explicit and intense in nature. I have to admit I was apprehensive at first about really doing the deed after so many that never tried it themselves warned that acting out such fantasies could never live up to the fantasy, but they were dead wrong and blowing words out their asses to put it bluntly. Nothing can compare to the actual experience. Nothing. And yes ladies and gentlemen, the real thing blows away anything you can possibly imagine or fantasize if you are well prepared and mutually willing.
- Shall we dance? This is a pretty safe way to advance and grow in this lifestyle. Take your girl to a generic dance club, ideally with people in your own age range and part ways from time to time. Let other men ask her to dance as she stands by the edge of the dance floor by herself and encourage her to do so. She doesn’t even have to take off her ring. Trust me, that won’t stop many men and will even encourage as many as it might deter. That allows you to step in afterwards and be with her after as the legitimate primary partner without apology or whenever you begin to feel uncomfortable.
A terrific and more advanced variation is to find a local swingers club and attend a couples dance they many of them sponsor. Yes, many of these couples are swingers, but there is little if any explicit sexual activity or overt advances that occur at the social swingers lifestyle dances, many of which are held in private hotel ballrooms. A great site to checkout to find these is SwingLifestyle. In these environments couples meet and are perfectly fine flirting with each others partners, but people remain respectful of boundaries. In fact, only a percentage of couples actually full swap. For many, simply attending and watching others and flirting is exciting enough. Beyond that there are as many variations in between these two extremes as there are couples. In this setting it’s a lot safer to watch your wife flirt and dance with other men than in a vanilla (non-lifestyle) club. You can watch her from nearby in the open and drink it in. And there is absolutely no obligation for the man to couple up with the other woman or even dance or flirt with her. The dancing, flirting and provocative dress at these events is often burning hot and there is no worry that it has to go any further than the dance floor and no clothing need to come off nor any sex involved, but she can experience being pursued safely and you can enjoy the ride. This is not a ploy for the man to fuck other women and get into swinging. Some might want to take it further if both want to, but my partner and I found this a great way to have fun without obligation and in fact met one of her very hot male partners at one of these events who happened to be there with a partner but was actually single. - Strangers when we meet: I love this game. You both go to a pub or nightclub, but separately. You don’t go in at the same time, she doesn’t wear a ring, and you don’t sit together or give any indication or clue that the two of you are together or even know each other. We prefer to do this in a city outside of where we live to avoid running into people we might know. It doesn’t have to be far away, maybe just an hour or two, but enough. It is an amazing turn on to watch your sexy wife approached by other men and even more fun to watch her flirt and enjoy herself while the other men pursue her. This a great test to see just how much control the male partner has over his jealousy. If he can resist muscling in and trying to win her from her unsuspecting suitors you are on your way. If you can stand her leaving with one of them even better, even if no sex is involved. If you can go further and can stand her leaving and fucking the guy without you following them, well, you are beyond of most men in this lifestyle. One of the things I’ve done is give her an anklet with a tiny lock and key they she wears on her right ankle. That is the telltale sign of a Hotwife for the men that are aware of it. For vanilla people its just a cute ankle bracelet.
- Do we match? This is where you begin to seriously consider finding other potential male playmates. Browsing profiles on adult dating sites is one way to approach it. There are many such adult dating web sites including SwingLifestlye and AdultFriendfinder to name two of the larger and more popular ones. Simply browsing profiles together is a fun experience on its own and might stop there as part of the fantasy. You begin to learn what type of men turn her on and why.
What really turns on many women (and this comes from my better half) is the attentiveness of the other male, how he treats her and how he performs, irrespective of the size of his cock. The experience of reliving her first date(s) combined with someone other than you telling her that she is sexy and beautiful and showing her does wonders and you get the full benefits as a result. You might actually be surprised to learn that getting a 9” or 10” dick in her pussy is what you want her to get. Actually, she may not care as much about size as you do. My lady enjoys well endowed gentlemen that are at least as large as me or somewhat larger, but it’s the gentleman aspect that gets her juices flowing. I discovered that her big turn on was a well educated, slightly younger well hung black gentleman with style and class who enjoys smooth jazz, is well spoken, and most of all, is well dressed with the ability to flirt. Who knew? And a larger cock wasn't what her attraction is all about. For her it's more about the still-somewhat taboo nature of interracial relationships and she also thinks many of us older white dudes just don't have as much style and panache. And I see her point because even though I have a lot to offer a woman in one department, I still dance like a white boy if you know what I mean.
Scanning the adult sites is a great way to screen potential partners and if you get really gutsy, exchange some emails through the service and even start chatting with a few through instant messaging. If it progresses further to meeting for a drink to see if there is chemistry, then you are on your way. My partner and I will not meet new partners apart as we are a couple first and want any other partners to respect the sanctity of our relationship first and foremost. Both of us have the right to reject a candidate, but approval rights vary by couple based on the rules they establish. We generally tell potential male partners that the first meet will be only drinks and not to expect sex. We reserve the right to make an offer to go somewhere private to play if we want and if the desire is mutual. More often if it is a match we’ll meet again on some other day for a drink and then all three go somewhere private to have an initial MFM. We are not into random meets though some are and neither is right or wrong. Each couple should make their own rules and not violate them. Rules can and do evolve over time as you grow which is fine as long as you define them together and here is the golden rule - stick to them, even when in doubt.
- Let’s make it a date! Later, when we’re all comfortable she might meet him out alone and bring him home to play and it might even progress where she goes out on a date and plays without me on occasion. My partner and I prefer that progressive approach but others may choose different scenarios.
- Instant Replay: Most husbands will tell you that sex with their wife is incredible after she has had sex with another man, whether you were present or not, and either immediately afterwards or for weeks, months, and even years after. My favorite time is after her stud makes his exit after he is totally spent and she and I get alone time. This is when we get to share the intimate details of what just happened. I especially love it when she gets extremely verbal and explicit - describing every detail of what just happened and every minute detail of what she felt and still feels. Many men like me enjoy the exchange of explicit language. It helps communicate and extend or achieve the metaphysical experience of Compersion and fully experience vicarious pleasure. It is the ultimate reward many of us seek.
- Breed my wife, please! A fairly advanced game is wife breeding. No, it doesn’t mean she actually gets knocked up – there can be serious considerations and devastating consequences to that- tread carefully, but in its essence pregnancy, even the risk of pregnancy is a hugely symbolic act. It doesn’t have to involve backback or unprotected sex either. One game we play is she fucks her bull without me present and then tells me, convincingly, that he pumped several loads of sperm deep inside her pussy and has probably impregnated her. Even better, the game gets more intense if she proudly proclaims a few weeks later that she is pregnant by the other man, even if you know it factually not be the case or even possible. Let me tell you, nothing is more erotic or sexy than a pregnant woman. It is the ultimate symbol of fertility and female sexuality. If you are lucky enough where she cannot get pregnant, and you are careful about choosing partners the same as when you were single, then actually going bareback and seeing your wife take another man’s cum internally is beyond words. I think one poster early on in the referenced discussion thread did the most masterful job I’ve ever read describing what it is like to get sloppy seconds and what a mind blowing experience it is but stopped just short of the erotic pregnancy risk aspect of it.
Please allow me to explain why this can be so erotic. Men in this lifestyle often crave their wives receiving creampies and getting sloppy seconds. They are accurate when explaining what an immense turn on it is to see a another man’s cock pulsing while spewing his baby-making seed deep into his wife, watching it seep out afterwards, and dive into it with his own cock. Why is that so erotic for the man? Surely if all he wanted was another man’s cum he could get that directly with another male. But no, he isn’t gay, far from it. The other man’s cum symbolizes the taking of the woman away from the primary partner and stokes his jealous fears of loss and potential abandonment. His desire to clean her out his competitor’s seed is paramount if he is to successfully reclaim her. It is said the penis itself is shaped and designed to push the semen of other men out of a woman. Taking it to the extreme, if her suitor impregnates her then he is denied that privilege and her growing belly is a constant reminder that she has been taken and is owned by the competition. - Honey, please clean me up!: This one crosses a bit over the line into more traditional cuckoldry but in and of itself does not make someone a full-fledged cuckold. It involves visible evidence of the other man’s cum in or on your wife. It doesn’t require that he male orally clean up his mate and her lovers juices, but for many in this lifestyle that is an extremely erotic experience and represents a number of things beyond submission. Cleanup is an advanced and deep discussion in itself, but in its simpler forms can simply involve watching your wife strut around with the other man’s cum on her body or even hotter, soaking right through her panties when she greets you. She can use that to create subtle forms of humiliation, such as use it to provoke the competitive aspects for you, or it can be taken further into the cuckold real clean up can become an even more intense form of humiliation and domination.
Dom da da Domme:
I’d be remiss if I didn’t discuss the issue of dominance and submission in the realm of Hotwifing. As I mentioned I have a bit of experience in BDSM as both a Dom and as a submissive under the ownership of a skilled and highly experienced Domme (which, by the way, I learned I truly sucked as a submissive but did it for the experience and insights. As I said earlier, empathy). This is a key area that separates hotwifing from cuckolding. With cuckolding there is a preponderance of couples where the female is clearly dominant. Feminine domination – or FemDom, is a key aspect. Humiliation and abuse is often sought by the male and is sometimes intense. Not only are larger percentage of males submissive in cuckold relationships, but there seems to be sizable subset of sissified males and extensive use of denial, including the use of male chastity devices. Not all males in a cuckold relationship are submissive however. A small and growing number of males claim to be the dominant partner (AlphaCucks), but again, are in the minority.
Hotwifing doesn’t prescribe specific dominant-submissive patterns by comparison. I feel that some amount of denial is typically present as is humiliation, but their use is often more subtle than in cuckolding. This is where I believe a great deal of confusion arises. For example, my partner is generally a sexually submissive while I am generally sexually dominant, but neither of us excessively so. When we play it is extremely important to me that she stoke my jealous emotions by provoking me. Speaking for myself, the stronger and more intense her provocation, the better it is. But at what degree when does her provocation switch her from a submissive role to a dominant one - or does it? I tend to agree with few others I have consulted that a woman doesn’t have to become the dominant partner to exercise such provocation, although the degree and intensity of it could create a switch condition where she becomes dominant temporarily to administer provocation and denial.
For example, she might insist I help her get dressed for her date and of course I’ll be motivated to do so. She might also provoke me by telling me I can’t fuck her until after he has. Or she might approach me out of the blue and provoke me by getting into my face and telling me she needs to feel his cock inside her pussy badly and can hardly wait for her next date to see him. She might wax on about how great he was and how his sperm is impregnating her. In these cases and countless others she gets aggressive, even extremely aggressive, but that doesn’t amount to her becoming the dominant in the relationship. In fact, I like her to provoke me to such an intense degree that I’ll turn the tables and let my own dominance surface to forcefully take her back. It can get downright hot if she doesn’t succumb immediately and resists with even more provocation and even a bit if belligerence - making me work harder to win and take her back. That doesn't typically occur in the practice of cuckolding.
As an aside and in my opinion, the subject of provocation in Hotwifing is the least covered subject in most of the articles and books I've read. It is covered better in the realm of cuckolding but for some reason it seems to receive the short end of the cock in Hotwifing. I think the the subject of Hotwifing provocation - which differs somewhat from full on female domination - deserves it own chapter or two if not an entire book of its own.
Where oh Where are the HotHusbands?
Yes, Hothusbands do exist, but they are virtually unicorns in present day practice. The few women I’ve encountered that enjoyed watching their husbands fuck other women and received a vicarious thrill from it were the ones I met in the couple swinging facet of the lifestyle – particularly among full swap couples.
While discussing this with my partner recently I came to the conclusion that the fundamental evolutionary differences between men and woman have a lot to do with it. Stay with me now and think millions of years ago during pre-agricultural times. Again, I strongly recommend the book Sex at Dawn from where I gained this perspective.
Men are built to be ‘always on’ and ready for when the female becomes ready to procreate, which is not constant. Whereas the male sperm competes with other male sperm to reach penetrate the egg, men are less concerned with the more fundamental needs of a woman. On the other hand, the fundamental needs of a woman are not solely sexual satisfaction but to become successfully inseminated, and here it is - to create security for themselves and their resulting offspring. Thus, women are historically programmed to gain and retain a provider/protector for her and her offspring and defend that security at all costs. To wit: I don’t know one woman that doesn’t put the welfare of her children above all else.
Now you can charge this view as being sexist as many of today’s modern women don't need a man but I am talking about historical norms and evolution dating back and eternity. I’d like to hear other views and theories on the subject, but absent that I’m comfortable with that basic theory. And that theory is perfectly consistent with the woman having multiple male partners and the man being monogamous with only one woman. In pre-agricultural times before it was the norm for women to have sex and be inseminated by multiple men – sometimes the entire tribe of men, to impregnate her. This was before the emergence of the agricultural age for millions of years after which agriculture introduced property ownership which changed the entire structure of civilization and transformed our species from our natural state as communal hunters and gatherers to a modern ownership society. I’d contend that women became far more protective and possessive in the post-agricultural era and that has been largely socialized ever since.
So what does that mean for the future? With each successive generation sexual mores are loosening and women (at least in Western cultures) are realizing growing equality. I can foresee a time in future generations where there are larger numbers of HotHusbands than exist today, but as it stands, that is not the norm outside of couple swinging or poly groups where the woman can be with her primary mate(s) and optionally enjoy other woman as well.
In Conclusion
If you’ve stayed with me this entire time then bless you. I hope I’ve added something of worth to the discourse. There are tomes I left out – it deserves far more dissertation than I have time but I think I got the basic parts out. If you think all or parts of this are , then you are entitled to your opinion and I'd enjoy hearing your views. I often play devil's advocate even with myself as I ponder these subjects. As I started out with the disclaimer, these are my personal views that will surely change and evolve even more over time and with each new experience.
Finally, if I have successfully maintained your attention, then you deserve to know why I titled the article The Cool Fire of Hotwifing. I call it the Cool Fire because we are burning, smoldering, molten lava flowing sexual creatures at our very core and are enlightened enough to recognize and proudly proclaim it. The cool is the courage and coolness we muster as we walk straight into the heart of that burning, churning pile of junk in search of shared ecstasy with the partner that we love, cherish and who accompanies us throughout this incredible journey.
I hope you and yours enjoy that journey and discover the joy of real Compersion.
A Condensed Compendium of Reasons
What follow is a condensed compendium of reasons why a man would want his wife to sleep with another man as sourced from the primary forum discussion I referenced at the beginning of this article. I took the liberty of paraphrasing a number of them to condense the list, so you'll need to go read the actual forum for full context as many have been deliberately taken out of their original context for brevity.
Reasons why men want their wife to have sex with others:
o Because it is fun
o Because I am I am voyeuristic in nature
o It makes my wife feel beautiful and sexy
o Because I want my wife to have the most fun and the most powerful orgasms she can have
o Because that is exactly what she wants to do
o I am not sure why
o I have given up on trying to really understand exactly why
o She comes back a new woman; I must fuck her again to call her mine and reclaim her
o Because she enjoys it
o Because it helps cure me of thinking possessively
o Because I enjoy viewing her as the free independent spirit that she truly is
o Because I like watching my wife have sex
o Because I want to see a larger cock in her
o Because I get a sexual high when she plays
o To get more sexual stimulation than the norm
o Because I get off on sloppy seconds
o Because I want her to experience as much variety and pleasure as possible
o Because she is too good to keep her for myself and I want to see others enjoying her
o I want her to enjoy sexual freedom
o It turns me on
o Because it’s all about her
o To see other men enjoy her womanly charms
o Because I am proud of her and want others to validate that
o Because it is exciting to tempt fate for excitement and adventure
o Because I want to push the envelope of the relationship and risk the ultimate sacrifice
o Because I want to bring out the sexy and confident woman in hiding
o Because her fucking other men turns me on like nothing else
o Because it flies in the face of conventional societal mores
o Because I like to see the crazy animal in her come out from her usually conservative self
o Because she makes the best live porn
o Because it makes the sex better between the two of us
o Because I like how she turns other men on and them knowing she is mine
o So I can lose her then win her back again and again
o I could never put my finger on it
o Because we men are whores
o Because men wish they had been born a women to get all the sex we want
o Because I want to see the cum of a stranger in her pussy
o Because I want to clean another man’s cum out of her pussy
o To get the psychological kick I am looking for even more than the physical pleasure
o Because we both love it
o Because I have some voyeuristic tendencies and she is an exhibitionist
o Because we trust each other
o Because I love seeing her enjoy herself and seeing others appreciate her
o Because she loves the way I feel so possessive, not jealous, afterwards
o Because I love seeing her enjoy herself and participating in her pleasure
o After all these years, I really still do not have any clue
o Because I wanted to share her beauty and deliciousness
o Because I enjoy fucking my wife’s cum-filled pussy
o Because it is forbidden and taboo
o Because it is a total turn on and it does a lot for her too
o Because I like to watch her fuck from another perspective and from a distance
o Because I want her to lose her inhibitions
o Because I get to see what I can’t see when I’m having sex with her
o Because it recaptures the spark and rekindles the fire between us
o Because we both enjoy seeing each other pleasuring and being pleasured as a shared experience
o Because it drives us mad
o Because I learn things about what she likes and doesn't like
o Because it makes us closer as a couple
o Because my dick is too small and I enjoy seeing her cum
o Because she has a much higher sex drive than I do and it fills her sexual needs
o Because I get rewarded with a hot wet pussy
o Because it makes me feel sexier and more of a man
o Because I enjoy the vicarious thrill out of her ability to enjoy her sexuality so fully
o Because I love the taste of a cream pie
o Because I love helping her prepare for the long hours of heavy fucking and sucking that will take place as soon as he enters our very private home
o Because I love the complete serenity that follows after all of us have share the most intimate pleasures, kinks and taboos that so many do not get to experience
o Because I get off watching her kiss another man
o Because he fucks me more frequently as a result
o Because I love sexually aggressive women
o Because it re energizes our love life, our sex life, our friendship, and adds passion
o Because I want her to enjoy the best sex possible (different styles, shapes, sizes)
o Because I want other men to envy me
o Because It adds another level or dimension of intimacy in our relationship
o Because it allows her to venture out
o Because I get off knowing she is getting off
o Because I love sluts
o Because I can’t keep up with her libido
o I know exactly why I do it. Addiction.
o Because it generates that rush of emotions and bodily chemicals that can only be induced by her giving another man attention
o Because I’ve become bored with vanilla sex
o Because there is nothing more erotic, taboo, and challenging as watching your wife act slutty for a moment
o Because it motivates me to bust my ass to keep her!
o Because when sex is wild we want more
o Knowing she loves being a slut....because in real life she isn’t, she is the honorable, loyal, committed loving wife
o Because she becomes everything you’ve ever fantasized about
o Because it boosts the ego for both of us
o Because we both get excited and turned on by it
o Because it brings me closer to my wife than I ever thought possible; it is like a Vulcan mind merge.
o Because it helps to settle male/male competition issues and creates a more cooperative erotic life
o Because I like not having to be in charge all the time, to give up control, to be in a sense dominated and still be loved and accepted by the one that we love the most. All without the guilt or judgment that would normally come with it.
o Because it allows to give one's love the freedom to be what they're not supposed to be, or so says society yet secretly want to be
o Because it enables one to be sexually alive and fully aware of ourselves with the safety and security of love's ultimate acceptance and understanding of one's needs and desires to be fulfilled and the craving satisfied.
o Because it allows a typical woman or wife to be or act like a slut without the negative ramifications that has always come with it.
o Because I enjoy the 100% visual aspect of it
o For her it is because she is a very sexual lady and enjoys sex
o Because it is so taboo and so sexy!
o Because I love eating pussy cream pies when another guy fills her up
o Because I brings me pleasure seeing my wife enjoying herself sexually, not giving a dam about society rules
o Because it brings the husband and wife closer together physically, emotionally and sexually
o Because she enjoys a big black cock once in a while and since that's what she wants and it doesn't have any bearing on our relationship
o Because I view my wife in a state of euphoria in a sexual climate. This not only enhances her pleasures but ours alike.
o Because you have no idea how sexy your wife is until another man is fucking her
o Because it makes our sex better/sexier somehow
o Because there is no sexual thrill like it for me.
o Because the best thrill of all is knowing my wife was coming home full of cum after screwing another man
o Because it keeps it completely hot and smok'in and growing as a couple
o Because I enjoy seeing excitement and enjoyment in her face and eyes. It’s like Christmas every time.
o Because I love my wife and feel the need to allow her to enjoy ultimate sexual fulfillment.
o Because I have an even deeper desire to have her after he is finished with her.
o Because there is nothing more satisfying to me than to see my wife orgasm while being made love to by her lovers and then being invited to add my sperm to theirs inside her.
o Because I don’t have to try to “please her” after she has just been fucked by another man. I can concentrate just on feeling good myself because she is trying to give me the best she can because she’s already had her orgasms. I can feel her love coming through in the way she moves her body.
o Because besides being healthy and great exercise, sex is what we live for as a species
o Because men enjoy the idea of their wives being attractive to other men. It validates their choice of that woman
o For me it is all about her pleasure
o My primary motivation is living all the "firsts" vicariously again through another guy
o Because I have a hard time giving my wife an orgasm
o Because I love having sex with her after another man has cum in her; there is nothing better than "sloppy seconds".
o Because I enjoy knowing that other men find my wife attractive
o Because I am intensely pleased that she is being pleased by another man
o Because afterwards the talk always seems to intensify our sex
o Because she will eventually tire of you and cheat. So why not give her Prince Charming and head it off at the pass and save each other the nasty break-up and divorce?
o Because I just love seeing my wife in sexual euphoria
o Because of how much more attractive she has become to other women and by default me as well - although I attribute that mostly to having to "fluff my plumage and feathers and beat my chest" more often to keep up with her.
o Because I enjoy the way she works out, glows, tans, trims, primps and stays date hot all the time.
o Because I just want to watch the expression on my wife’s face when she has a huge cock stretching her pussy
o Because watching the love of my life being passionately fucked by another man is the most beautiful and erotic thing I've ever seen in my life. The way her whole being responded to his touch and thrusts, the way she clung to him and tried to get every bit of him inside her and the look of complete surrender in her eyes was the most gorgeous thing I had ever witnessed.
o Because every time she goes out or her boyfriend comes over that craving begins and I can't wait to get my hands on her
o Because it is very stimulating to have that rush of emotions of desire, jealousy, fear, anger, humiliation, and other passions… This excitement conquers the boredom and routine that can enter into any long-term relationship.
o Because it increases a couple’s own pleasure and excitement.
o Because romantic love occurs during the chase of a potential partner, but passion declines when the sex object is obtained and secure. The hotwife or cuckold scenario starts the chase all over again.
o Because men become more aroused when the female partner also is aroused and when other men want her or have had her -- the "sperm wars" competition. This arousal can be further increased by adding other emotions to the mix.
o I enjoy the fact that she is driving another guy crazy, plus visualizing it or watching is the best porn you can get-starring your wife of course.
o Because she enjoys the chase, being desired by other men, and especially the seduction of younger men.
o Giving her the freedom to do something that's pleasurable for her but not usually socially accepted.
o Because of the groin-tingling thrill of it.
o Because if you're lucky enough to witness it. It is porn and your wife is the porn star! What ordinary porn could ever compare with that?
o Because of the excitement of the honesty and openness - she can tell you she prefers the way another guy fucks her, adores his cock, that her favorite lover is the best sex of her life. Wow! I personally think that's unbelievably hot.
o Because I enjoy her coming home and telling me all the juicy details
o Because it makes her horny and wet. Hell, even talking dirty on msn with one of her lovers gets her really wet. So, more sex and more exciting sex (due to new material for pillow talk) when she communicates or has sex with her lovers.
o Because the smell of his dried cum/sweat on her skin excites me sexually
o Because it excites me when she when she daydreams about sex with one of her lovers, and says she looks forward to getting thoroughly screwed by him as soon as possible
o Why the hell not?
o Because I feel it is a deeper need to make her feel happier because she worth it!
o Because it spices up your sexual life especially if you feel sexually inadequate to cover her needs
o Because it SUPERCHARGES a man’s own relationship with his wife. Fucking rocket fuel, I tell you
o Because knowing that she is lusty in this way makes my woman even more exciting to me. And knowing that she possesses the strength of will and free-spiritedness to act on such wants is irresistible.
o Because me giving her up to other men are all a part of learning to let go while keeping love and devotion intact; it fosters deeper appreciation and arousal for each of us.
o Because I tend to think of her fucking someone else as foreplay. If she is going alone, I have all these thoughts, fantasies, feelings and emotions running thru my head. I'll think to myself, is she there yet? Is she sucking him now? Is he fucking her now? Damn I wish she'd hurry home... Some call it angst; I think of it a sense of wonder. If we are together, I still get those feelings, but I am more visually in tune, I enjoy watching her, and I enjoy listening to her get pleasured. My senses are heightened.
o Because men love to adore women and women love to be adored. What could be more adorable than a woman who is adored by others and enjoys them adoring her?
o Because we only live once - why not have fun while we can?
o She loves telling me the play by play afterwards and loves how it turns me on and can't wait to come home after so she can be ‘punished’
o The Obvious: I get off on my pretty wife getting ravaged by another guy's big dick and seeing how much excitement and satisfaction it brings her.
o Because it pushes some psychological buttons that give me thrill unlike any other. It's like stroking an exposed nerve, which in this case is some kind of deep insecurity and related submissiveness.
o Because it is adventurous, perks us up and we both know she wants it once in a while.
o She gets a kick out of it and turns her on.
o Because it is a huge ego booster and motivates her self-care and exercise. It helps to settle male/male competition issues and creates a more cooperative erotic life. The whole mindset is something like a multidimensional vibrator.
o Because nothing is hotter than seeing her in ecstasy or savoring memories of the events while she describes them to me. I get to see her as a sexual being, a loving wife, and of course my lover as well.
o Because the thought of her... with him, dressed like a slut, begging for it, pleading with me to let her see him even as I twist in mishmash of jealousy, rage, and horniness.
o Because it’s a naughty dream that make me want her so much more each day
o Because I enjoy the bonding opportunities to both shop for the wife's clothing and accessories as well as physically helping prepare her for dates (dressing, makeup, shaving, advice on what's hot, etc.)
o Because it is hot entertainment when witnessing the wife being picked up on (pride in her attractiveness)
o Because it gives me goose bumps watching her smile and unwavering attention on someone other than yourself that she's attracted to.
o Because it releases her conservative, vanilla personality and watching it slowly bloom into a hot smoldering temptress.
o Because it rekindles the feeling of that "new" relationship, not only by rediscovering ourselves but also discovering her new fuck buddy.
o Because it allows her to re-entering the world of dating without the added pressure of finding the perfect mate. We are able to ignore the qualities normally looked for in a new relationship and focus on the more seductive, basic physical desires that often take a back seat in relationships.
o Because I enjoy watching her become more of a person for me to win back - someone in-demand by other men but who chooses to come back to me
o Because it provides an opportunity to renew her self-confidence by being told by multiple men that she is desirable (hubby's opinion means little as it's "expected" he will say those things).
o Because of the evidence it provides when other men are truly aroused and satisfied, receiving their cum - boosts her self-confidence.
o Because she suddenly taking an aggressive interest in improving her body and appearance as she dresses for other men, feeling sexy and desired
o Because it allows her to openly admit which men she finds attractive and the willingness to start initiating meetings herself
o Because I like the enjoyment from the role-play involved in acting like she is single again, being picked up on by guys at bars and the anticipation of new activities with new men
o Because it makes her feel young and alive again, like the world is new when being pursued with sexually satisfying results
o Because it grows her desire to explore the world, to get out of her box and escape some deep-seeded and emotional insecurities placed upon by others (and herself) over the years.
o Because I love lying in bed getting the details of a night out with a fuck buddy while she is sucking me. I love watching her make out with him, culminating with an orgasm while wrapped around his cock. It strengthens our bond while creating a lot of hot sex.
o Because seeing her enjoy sex without any attachment or attraction to her partner gave me a new vision of her when she becomes purely a sexual being.
o Because sharing her with other men to me, is like one more way to make love to her - to give her even more pleasure than I am capable of giving her by myself.
o Because I have pride in my wife's beauty, desirability and her sexual ability to give and receive so much pleasure. Like someone said, it is kind of like having the hottest, fastest, coolest car around; who the hell would want to hide that and not show off its performance to ah-struck, envious other guys. But that is just one of many factors.
o Because there is nothing hotter than to see the woman I love in the throes of passion and orgasm with one or more other men. Well, there is one more better thing - the sensuous and loving reconnection and the incredible sight, smell, feel and taste of my wife's freshly fucked, cum filled pussy. Even sound too, as the sloshing sounds, sighs, moans, screams and shared verbal pleasures and sounds as she fires off an incredible string of orgasms. The wild stimulation of all five senses, plus the love, wow!!
o Because the more my wife has sex with other men, the more sex she has with me.
o Because I get my thrills from seeing her suck and fuck him (your own porn up close), plus I get to experience the semi-submissive feelings of giving her to another man and yes (hopefully) I will get to experience the thrill of silky seconds.....but I also want very much for her to experience the release and freedom of opening up sexually with another guy where she feels safe...with him and me.
o Because it renews the entire relationship. I feel like I'm dating my wife all over again.
o Because jealousy, lust and excitement are all tied and her sleeping with other men really saved our marriage.
o I need to see the ‘action’, whereas hubby can get just as turned on imagining my goings on when I go off to a club.
o Because every man loves to see his wife as a slut.
o Because I enjoy the vicarious erotic thrill knowing that my wife and her lover are enjoying each other. The more pleasures and enjoyment they give each other serves to increase my vicarious pleasures.
o Because I want to keep her well-dicked and happy, to see that glow, and then to go crazy with her when it's your turn to `reclaim' her.
o Because my wife never looks sexier than when she's naked, staring right at me, moaning and cumming while another man has his dick buried deep in her pussy
o Because it brings out her naughty side
o Because some boys like to share their toys
o Because I enjoy how hot it makes her thinking and talking about it, seeing and feeling how hot her orgasms are after 20 years of marriage, seeing her dress sluttier, showing pride in her sexual liberation, watching her flirt with other men, glowing as she dances with them, seeing her orgasm on another man's cock, taking pride in her oral skills as she sucks another man's cock, fucks my brains out, whether when we are with another, or by ourselves, little things like flashing a trucker, playing with a toy while we go down the road, seeing her excitement as she begins the search for another lover and how she gets hotter as the day arrives, oftentimes becoming a cock craving slut when the moment arrives...and oh so much more.
o Because I believe it prevents the two partners from cheating on each other and I think shows the husband's love for his wife. He is not locking her up and keeping him all for his own desires, but allowing her to meet her needs as well. Love and sex is not the same thing and most people don't understand that. And loving someone is not the same as being in love with them.
o Because it’s a special gift from me. I love her and trust her love for me unconditionally. There is no greater proof of that than to allow her to be with other men
o Because it is extremely exciting. It is probably akin to a pilot training for emergencies in a flight simulator. In the back of your mind you know there will be no real harm but that does not stop the front of your mind from setting off all the appropriate alarm bells and letting the adrenalin flow
o Because it is adventuresome. I doubt that many old people sit around later in life regretting wild things they did when they were younger. Far better to look back and smile to yourself remembering the good times.
o Because it enhances our sex life. After four years sex between us is still almost as hot as ever largely due to our 'extra-curricular activities'.
o Because it makes me love her more. After she is with someone else I practically burst at the seams with love for her. It’s almost like being in love for the first time again complete with butterflies in the stomach. The state of pseudo 'competition' for her affections causes me to 'woo her' all over again, just like when we were first dating.
o Because it makes her feel sexy and beautiful. It’s easy for me to tell her that she is beautiful but of course I'm biased. For her to attract and bed another man makes her feel that she really is attractive and desirable. And the more she believes it the sexier and beautiful she gets. It’s a win-win situation.
o Because it's HOT. The images in my mind (and every once in awhile live and up close!) of her in the arms of another man and her letting him use her is extremely arousing to me. I don't know why that is but it isn't too uncommon (and there are certainly a thousand other things that people get off on that are way kinkier than that!).
o Because it’s natural. It’s an undisputed fact that men and women are pre-disposed to be promiscuous. Acceptance of this is so much easier than denial.
o Because it’s smart. The number one cause of a relationship failing is infidelity. If you can find a way around that you're much more likely to live happily ever after. Is the grass really greener over the fence? Go roll around in it and find out, just be home by morning.
o Because I think we're perfect for each other. We are so much alike yet just different enough to keep things interesting. I don't worry (much) about her finding someone so much better than me that she'd consider trading me in.
o
o Because underneath the goody goody, church going, homeschooling mom she is there was there is a Slut aching to get out. I figured it was a matter of time b4 she found some stranger on her own.
o The thrill of `reclaiming' her after she has been with a lover/boyfriend, the physical thrill of the release into her, knowing you are making her your wife again.
o Because it is truly amazing to watch her face, hear her moans, and see her with cum sprayed on her. It makes for a thrilling marriage. I guess I am a voyeur. I participate after he is done, usually when we get home.
o The way she works out, glows, tans, trims, primps and stays date hot all the time.
o Because I just love seeing my wife in sexual euphoria.
o Because it is so fucking hot and incredible. Just like her.
Reasons in Her Words:
o It really gets him going when I tell him the number of men I'm aiming at fucking whilst out. Also great pleasure in seeing the names of the guys I've just played with being texted through.
o Because it makes me feel like a princess, a very turned on, sexy, hot, wet, slutty, dirty, naughty, fucked little Princess. I love it.
o Because I love the thought of men pawing over me
o Because I'm turned on knowing he is so turned on
o Because I am extremely excited seeing him excited.
o I need to see the ‘action’, whereas hubby can get just as turned on imagining my goings on when I go off to a club.
o Because the wife is a desired sex object wanted and enjoyed by other men. The husband may be lagging behind his competitors. The wife is excited to be pursued and desired, and to have the power of choosing among her suitors. She can retain the security of the marriage while enjoying the variety and vanity of dating knowing all the while that her husband loves her more for playing this game.
o Because there is there's more to the motivation when seen from a woman's viewpoint like, higher self-esteem and narcissism when desired by many men, and the "Dating Years" being the high point in many women's lives.
o Because I think of this as a challenge for him. He sees that there are multiple men out there vying for my attention, him included. I would think that if he sees this he would be the one trying the hardest to keep me. In this situation what would keep him from losing me if some "knight in shining armor" decides to come and sweep me off my feet? Obviously he does not want to lose me, he loves me. I am his best friend. So in turn he has to try harder to keep me happy in all aspects of our life.
o Because I can make the decision to be with whomever I want, if they are lucky enough. I can cut him off if "I have a headache tonight". I can tell him that I want him to do certain things to me right now after I have been with one of my "fuck buddies". He will always be the one I come home to. He will always be my comfortable place. I do not ever want our sex life to be mundane and boring. I always want there to be this deeper level of excitement and passion. I want to learn new things and bring them home to him because at the end of the day he is mine and I his. So regardless of who I am with that day we will always have each other.
o Because seeing a woman writhing as my husband gives her cunnilingus sends such horny feelings through me. Feeling his arse as he pounds her - such a rush and makes for lots of dirty talk about it for weeks after (a rare HotHusband!)
Common Hotwifing Myths:
o He is a latent homosexual
o He is looking for an excuse to fuck other women
o He is not manly
o He is a closet submissive
o He doesn’t satisfy her
o His dick is too small
o He’s trying to get rid of her
o He’s crazy
o He had damaging childhood or emotional drama in his past
o Because there are issues with the marriage or the relationship
