Our Hotwives

Due to multiple requests, I am posting what I consider to be a crude graph I had made and had referenced in several posts that illustrates the continuum between Cuckolding and Hotwifing, and its relationship to Dominance/submission. Often, people struggle to understand where they fall on that continuum and are seeking someway to label or categorize where they fall. I'd like to offer this up to help some people in the lifestyle better visualize things as most people that I've encountered agree that simple definitions of Hotwifing and Cuckolding alone are often too limited and narrow. The activities I've chosen in the graph are for illustrative purposes only; it is far from a complete list (and doesn't have to be). I am certain many of you can list more activities and I am happy to take suggestions for more to add and also where best to place them. Where I've chosen placed them initially was done by gut feel and experience; I tried to place each relative to where I personally feel they fall relative to each other. I don't want to start any flame wars over this - like I said it is crude and up to debate and I'll take suggestions to improve upon it. Consider it a strawman attempt. Please be kind - I know is not perfect.

TriangleTangle

TT,

Looks interesting, but difficult to read. Can you post a downloadable version, or a larger scale version?

Sucker

I'm not permitted to post a functioning URL on this site but if you copy this one and delete the two spaces (between the t/p and between the two / / it will work.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/jvqgey45pbpiftd/Quad.bmp

sucker00 wrote:TT,

Looks interesting, but difficult to read. Can you post a downloadable version, or a larger scale version?

Sucker

You can download that one and increase the size.

TT,

Should I read anything into scoring off the bottom left corner?

TT,

A nice capture of many of the things that seem to confuse some who find themselves in their explorations of why it is that they are feeling or experiencing the things they find exciting (or frightening). This graphic goes a long way toward making it clearer that this is a continuum of ways to conduct ourselves in these games we play. The real world is perhaps a hyperspace, with some interesting multidimensional twists and turns, but I think you've captured these two axes with some thoughtful consideration.

squiggly_lines, 101 ? nahh...just an artifact.

"The real world is perhaps a hyperspace, with some interesting multidimensional twists and turns" frank12

Frank12, very very perceptive! I was going to add that very comment myself on the original post but thought I'd wait until someone said it first....I was going to add that it doesn't show other related dimensions and that the 2D nature of the graph would make that difficult. One I did think of was a 3rd continuum that spans from swinging to polymory - and I am sure there are a few others. Perfect observation!

TT

Very interesting to me as more of an observer than a participant. Clearly it is well thought out.

A thought I had as I looked at it, was the differences between fantasy and what really happens. We see that quite a bit on these forums. One partner wants a certain level of action but the partner wants either more, less or none at all. On some occasions this even leads to posts being "pulled," at the behest of the "none" partner.

Your graph could be very helpful to those considering these options, either alone or as a couple (or more) in negotiating what they want, where to start, and how far they want to go. Some might even be surprised at how much deeper it is possible to go than they realized.
Y2

What about the category of "non of the above"?

For me it reads a bit like a Chinese restaurant menue as none of them fit 100%

Correct, none of them are suppose to fit 100%. many practitioners will typically lean towards one of the 4 quadrants. There will be some that might fit in more than one - that would be typical of someone who, in the more traditional D/s world, would be called a Switch. A Switch in the BDSM world enjoys being dominant sometimes and at other times being the submissive. So if you are none of the above you could well be a Switch, or, if you and/or your wife are neither dominant nor submissive, then you could be in the center (neutral).

Like I said, as a two dimensional chart it is limited in the variations it can depict, but it covers two typically inter-related axis/continuum's of D/s and HWing/Cuckold.

TT

I think it's well done. Only exception is for dominant hotwife husband "getting no sexual charge". I may have to disagree with that one unless I'm just reading it wrong. I would think that anything positively related to this lifestyle has to have some positive charge, sexually, to it, no matter how minute the detail.

I think this graph can be helpful for any one of the parties involved, husband, wife, bull, etc., to better understand the others' point of view and possibly improve communication and sexual fulfillment.

"I would think that anything positively related to this lifestyle has to have some positive charge, sexually, to it, no matter how minute the detail."

That was my initial assumption too. I also struggled over that one, but I read enough replies in the discussion forum "Why would a guy want his wife to sleep with another man" that showed enough evidence that there are a decent swath of men that say they do it for other reasons just to make her happy - be it because they have some disability, inability, or other non-sexually driven reason. I went so far as to compile a condensed list of reasons extracted from that forum and posted the full list to the end of an article I had written on Compersion here: http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=20879. I reasoned that If I left that off I'd be shorting an entire class of people, so I thought I'd play it safe erred on the side of inclusion.

Regards,
TT

People have fetishes and odd desires. This is nothing new. I'm pretty sure people were swinging and doing the cuckold thing in the time of Julius Caesar. Among the pre-colonial Zulus of South Africa, black men and black women with same-sex lovers were not shunned or mistreated. Does that surprise you ? It shouldn't. Swinging, male bisexuality, lesbianism, cuckolding, all those things have been with us for thousands of years. We're just re-discovering them in the Internet age.

Not sure where this fits. We are hotwife / husband dominant in terms of who / when. The guy is there is fuck her, not dominate anybody.

Once they guy and wife are together, he has as much control as she gives him, but ultimately remains in charge.

The Dom/sub relationship of the graph generally depicts that of the wife and hubby only and irrespective of the OM. So I your case you'd locate yourself somewhere relative in the Dom/Hotwife quadrant. We'd need another dimension to depict the wife-OM relationship apart from that of the husband and wife.

TT

does such an arrangement make you happy ? that's the billion-dollar question, I think.

TriangleTangle wrote:
Please be kind - I know is not perfect.

TriangleTangle

I think that was awesome! Helps us newbies out!

Oh dear! I got 'The file you are looking for has been deleted or moved'. I was looking forward to reading it!

54321

i found this helpful

Great graph, I fit in the overall submissive category.

Very interesting !!