Non-Fiction: Compersion and The Cool File of Hotwifing - Part II
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 12:19 pm
Non-Fiction: Compersion and The Cool File of Hotwifing - Part II
The Eroticism of Desire
As I’ve continued delve into self introspection in this lifestyle, I keep finding deeper aspects that are at the root of why it is truly exciting at the core, at least for me and my wife. Some men like me enjoy doing this type of introspection, while others prefer to leave it a mystery. It is difficult to admit to anyone, let alone to oneself, some of these things the deeper you dig, maybe because we don’t want to subject ourselves to the negative judgement of others, or experience guilt based on decades of social conditioning, but understanding what drives us can help make our experiences that much better and more powerful.
I’ve written extensively about the two sides of Compersion. Compersion is a visceral experience; many Hotwife husbands and Cuckold husbands experience incredible heights of pleasure vicariously through the experiences of the wives we adore. As I’ve written in various discussions, there are two distinct forms of Compersion. Few make the distinction, but it is important to do so. The common of definition of Compersion is it is experiencing emotional joy through the emotional joy experienced by a loved one. But that’s only one half of the two sides of Compersion.
The other, least understood form Compersion is sexual arousal that a hotwife husband or cuckold husband experiences through a transference of his wife’s physical pleasure with another. Both forms of Compersion require empathy, but the latter requires an even deeper empathy where the male has a physical erotic response to his partner’s sexual pleasure. This is often most easily experienced in situations where the husband is present and can see his wife experiencing sexual pleasure, and experiences his own physical pleasure in response, such as an erection, faster heart rate and so on. However, it should be noted that some men can achieve the same type of response while not physically present and just knowing their wife is with another man.
Initially I was concerned that maybe I harbored some sort of hidden homosexual tendencies if I enjoyed this, but soon realized that wasn't the case, though I am far from homophobic. Since puberty I’ve had a fascination with women’s sexual pleasure after initially experienced my own. Somehow I tend to think that isn’t uncommon. Maybe it was amplified some by early exposure to porn where I saw images of women in the throes of extreme pleasure. Some might say that was a false impression of human sexuality, but a few years later I learned in person that many women do experience that kind of extreme pleasure. Like many males, I wondered what a woman’s pleasure might be like compared to my own, which was amazing. I don’t think most men would be being honest if they didn’t admit that they’d like to experience a woman’s sexual pleasure at least once just to know what it is like. Is it leagues better than what we males experience? That, by the way, doesn’t make us anything less than heterosexual; it is basic curiosity and fascination that I’ll bet is shared mutually by males and females alike. Maybe the grass is greener and the orgasms are better on the other side, maybe not, but it is a mystery that fuels the imagination, and it is highly erotic to ponder.
I have no desire to be a woman; I love being male, and I have no desire to be with a male sexually. Yet, when I watch a large hard cock plunging into my wife’s pussy, see her eyes roll back into hear head, see her jaw drop, and hear her gasps of pleasure as another man’s balls slap relentlessly against my wife’s pussy, it detonates my own erotic response. I virtually feel her pleasure within my own body. Her orgasms reverberate through my erect cock, sends continuous shock waves through my groin and all over my body. I vicariously feel her physical pleasure. That’s physical Compersion. It is not clear if females can and do experience this form of Compersion in the years I’ve been asking, and I’ve gotten into some flame wars with a few stalwarts that insist that this form of Compersion doesn’t exist, to which I can only say - they have no idea what they are missing.
My wife understands this powerful effect. Though she has no desire to experience the same watching me with another woman, she is equally turned on as a result of my arousal response and excitement. For us the pleasure becomes circular: The more she gets into her own pleasure with another man, the more heightened my pleasure, and on and on. Powerful is a woefully weak word for this phenomenon.
I’ve also written at length about how the various components of jealousy that enable Compersion. I’ll reiterate, jealousy isn’t one thing; it has a variety of discrete characteristics that include, but are not limited to fear, insecurity, envy, competitiveness, inadequacy, possessiveness, fear of abandonment, feeling unloved and feeling left out. It is important to recognize the differences in each of these aspects that power jealousy. As I’ve written in my article, The Cool Fire of Hotwifing (Part 1): (http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=20879), jealousy is an essential element that provides the fuel for Compersion: Getting ‘over’ or ‘past’ jealousy would be like saying if you don’t like some foods, permanently numb all the nerves in your mouth. Those that want to master and maximize the power of Compersion need to realize that jealousy isn’t something shameful, but an incredibly powerful tool and a skill that needs to be learned, managed, mastered - not overcome. The trick is to take control of jealousy and turn it on its head to a point where it becomes a natural and potent aphrodisiac. Many of the emotions stemming from jealousy share one common human emotion - fear. Fear isn’t a negative thing; it is a natural human survival response and can be highly motivational when properly managed. That is the ‘cool’ in the ‘cool fire’. I feel sorry for those that see fear and jealousy as a weakness, and retreat into denial over it – which becomes self-depriving.
Which brings me back full circle to the first and classical understanding of Compersion, the emotional form. Many men will say that they get their pleasure simply because of their wife’s joy. I don’t doubt that for a moment, but I often suspect that aside from a minority that claim that they get no sexual stimulation from Hotwifing whatsoever, many are sexually aroused as a result of their partner’s emotional desire for another man. This creates a phenomenon where certain components of jealousy, including competitiveness and fear of loss, serve as an erotic stimulant the equivalent of rocket fuel.
It is not uncommon for men in this lifestyle to evolve to this place after experiencing physical Compersion for some period. Conversely, it is not unusual to hear men who are new to Hotwifing say they don’t want their wife to have intercourse, of if they do, not kiss the other man, or, not allow their wife to be with another man alone and be with them only when he is physically present, or, she not experience any emotional intimacy whatsoever (as if he can control that -ha!). These are typical newbie reactions and may persist long term, but for many men, the physical-only activities soon become old and less than satisfying, for either the female, the male, or both partners. Most men don’t typically require a relational/emotional component with a woman to have peak orgasms, but most women do; Chalk that up to Venus vs Mars, and estrogen.
The fear we’ve discussed becomes the major inhibitor to higher-order pleasure that involves a woman also having an emotional/relational connection to the other man, but doing so requires the husband and the couple taking risk. Doing it successfully requires an immense amount of self-security, self-esteem, and unparalleled degree of trust, honesty, openness, loyalty, selflessness, and communication in the relationship, with an equal desire to give as much as take. That’s an exceptionally tall order for many!
If one can achieve those, the door opens to a far wider world of sexual stimulation and pleasure through emotional Compersion and transference. For example, in my own experience, my wife had only physical sex with a few select men absence of any non-physical connection with the other male. For quite some time, the sexual excitement was there, but not as powerful as it had been initially. By the way, I don’t see that as desensitization at all; It became obvious something was missing and holding things back more than was necessary. When I heard, and watched my wife getting into the other male, not just sexually, but relationally, the proverbial ‘ah-ha!’ moment revealed itself. Her intense excitement, and her physical pleasure rocketed off the charts when a deeper connection between her and the other male was present, versus when it wasn’t. Of course, as we men evolve in this lifestyle, we soon realize that it does have to be all about her pleasure first if we are to experience maximum pleasure ourselves. It might not start out that way, and those that are basically narcissists may never evolve beyond their own selfishness needs and intent, but eventually many husbands in this lifestyle figure it out. Lucky for some, there are men and their wives who get this from the get-go – I applaud and envy you.
To the husbands and boyfriends that don’t get this, it probably seems counter-intuitive and too risky to want your wife to get emotionally attached to her lover(s). I’m not talking about full-on polyamory, which is at an even higher plane than this, I am talking about a zone somewhere between infatuation and emotional attachment short of any serious commitment, and where the marriage remains primary and sacrosanct. This also requires that the other man respect the primacy of the marriage, and never cross the line. Finding men to simply fuck your wife is easy; finding enlightened lovers can be difficult to find, but not impossible.
Which is the point to which my wife and I have presently evolved in the lifestyle over the years. She and I love the circular pleasure of Compersion I described earlier; It brings an eternal fire to our relationship - sexually, emotionally, and romantically. I want her to have more than a fuck partner; I want her to have a lover and a boyfriend whom she craves physically and wants emotionally. I don’t fear that affecting our life commitment in the least, though I know many couples don’t share that degree of solidarity and confidence in their partner. The biggest risk is, and has always been, New Relationship Exuberance (NRE), where the new and shiny toy always looks better than the old one, at least for a while anyhow. Those who truly understand NRE can use it, and enjoy using it without risk. I want my wife to be totally and completely immersed in NRE, and be totally infatuated with her lover. Her pleasure and their sex is at the pinnacle when she is enjoying both, as is my own via Compersion. Knowing she remains voluntarily and inextricably committed to our marital bond and life-long plans to grow old together, it creates an environment where pleasure and controlled jealousy combine and become combustible.
Yes, I want her to want him, badly. I want her to ache for him sexually, to crave his body entangled with hers, to experience her powerful desire for him, to covet his passionate embrace and kisses, to look deep into his eyes with unbridled want, to crave his large, hard, pulsating manhood deep inside of her womanhood. I want her to beg for his seed, to fully expose her maternal evolutionary programming to have him breed her. And I want him to want her the same.
My wife is slightly and generally submissive, but can also be quite assertive. I want her to submit to her lover, but at the same time, be assertive, and even sexually aggressive when communicating with me about her excitement and pleasure. Her conveyance to me fuels my Compersive response, whether I am physically present while she is with her lover, or she is with him alone without me present and shares it with me afterwards.
She knows how to blow my mind. She knows that I need to reclaim her afterwards, even if she hasn’t had intercourse with him on a date. If I am present when they are together, she can push my buttons with the greatest of ease, simply by getting into her lover intensely despite my presence. If she wants to push me to the edge, all she needs to do is look at me with that wicked smile of hers that silently taunts me, or, beg her lover repeatedly to fuck her and breed her. If she is bold enough to straddle him reverse cowgirl and face me while riding his massive cock, she can dominate me with her feminine power simply by looking right and assert unapologetically, that he owns her pussy and her body. I need to do all I can not to ejaculate; it is mighty hard to save it so that I can reclaim her afterwards and sink it deep into her silky-wet, cum-filled pussy. When I do try to reclaim her, she can ratchet up the ante by verbally resisting and make me work hard for it. That may be a bit of temporary denial and be considered a bit of mild cucking, but it doesn’t make her dominant, nor does it undermine her general submissiveness. I end up on top (figuratively and often literally), and in the end, we both end up victorious. Some of the best reclamation sex is when it gets rather raw, taunting, and she verbally resists with a provocative and belligerent attitude.
If she plays apart without me, we still enjoy the same every bit as much. The immense and unnerving anxiety that results from being apart and waiting is yet another symptom of jealousy and fear that fuels Compersion. She can, and does keep me on the edge by ensuring my involvement in various ways - from helping her prepare and get ready for her date, to sitting with me for a while all dressed and ready before she leaves for her date, telling me what she plans to do with her lover romantically and sexually, verbal taunting. texting, and maybe even letting me listen to the two of them having sex from afar on the phone on occasion. When she returns home, she can use her escapade to bring me right back into the thick of it. If she and her lover have had sex, all she needs to do is show me her cum-filled panties to bring me to my knees, and give me blow-my-blow playback of her pleasures. If she describes her pleasure to me in graphic detail afterwards while she delays my ability to reclaim her, or while I am in the process of reclaiming her, I am instantly and willingly at her mercy. Maybe that is a bit of what in the BDSM world we call Switch, where roles are reversed, but again, it’s not permanent nor is that the norm in our general relationship. As I’ve said, in the end, we always revert to our respective preferred roles.
Knowing her total pleasure is fully unleashed, both relationally and sexually, is key to her and my own sexual pleasure. Compersion is a powerful and little understood force, and needs to be well understood and carefully handled. I consider it the nuclear fuel of this lifestyle which can be used to its greatest advantage, or be destructive in the wrong or in inexperienced hands.
I hope you found this interesting and useful. You might or might not agree with some or all my views on this subject, but it is what I’ve learned over my years in the lifestyle, and what works in our own relationship.
TriangleTangle
The Eroticism of Desire
As I’ve continued delve into self introspection in this lifestyle, I keep finding deeper aspects that are at the root of why it is truly exciting at the core, at least for me and my wife. Some men like me enjoy doing this type of introspection, while others prefer to leave it a mystery. It is difficult to admit to anyone, let alone to oneself, some of these things the deeper you dig, maybe because we don’t want to subject ourselves to the negative judgement of others, or experience guilt based on decades of social conditioning, but understanding what drives us can help make our experiences that much better and more powerful.
I’ve written extensively about the two sides of Compersion. Compersion is a visceral experience; many Hotwife husbands and Cuckold husbands experience incredible heights of pleasure vicariously through the experiences of the wives we adore. As I’ve written in various discussions, there are two distinct forms of Compersion. Few make the distinction, but it is important to do so. The common of definition of Compersion is it is experiencing emotional joy through the emotional joy experienced by a loved one. But that’s only one half of the two sides of Compersion.
The other, least understood form Compersion is sexual arousal that a hotwife husband or cuckold husband experiences through a transference of his wife’s physical pleasure with another. Both forms of Compersion require empathy, but the latter requires an even deeper empathy where the male has a physical erotic response to his partner’s sexual pleasure. This is often most easily experienced in situations where the husband is present and can see his wife experiencing sexual pleasure, and experiences his own physical pleasure in response, such as an erection, faster heart rate and so on. However, it should be noted that some men can achieve the same type of response while not physically present and just knowing their wife is with another man.
Initially I was concerned that maybe I harbored some sort of hidden homosexual tendencies if I enjoyed this, but soon realized that wasn't the case, though I am far from homophobic. Since puberty I’ve had a fascination with women’s sexual pleasure after initially experienced my own. Somehow I tend to think that isn’t uncommon. Maybe it was amplified some by early exposure to porn where I saw images of women in the throes of extreme pleasure. Some might say that was a false impression of human sexuality, but a few years later I learned in person that many women do experience that kind of extreme pleasure. Like many males, I wondered what a woman’s pleasure might be like compared to my own, which was amazing. I don’t think most men would be being honest if they didn’t admit that they’d like to experience a woman’s sexual pleasure at least once just to know what it is like. Is it leagues better than what we males experience? That, by the way, doesn’t make us anything less than heterosexual; it is basic curiosity and fascination that I’ll bet is shared mutually by males and females alike. Maybe the grass is greener and the orgasms are better on the other side, maybe not, but it is a mystery that fuels the imagination, and it is highly erotic to ponder.
I have no desire to be a woman; I love being male, and I have no desire to be with a male sexually. Yet, when I watch a large hard cock plunging into my wife’s pussy, see her eyes roll back into hear head, see her jaw drop, and hear her gasps of pleasure as another man’s balls slap relentlessly against my wife’s pussy, it detonates my own erotic response. I virtually feel her pleasure within my own body. Her orgasms reverberate through my erect cock, sends continuous shock waves through my groin and all over my body. I vicariously feel her physical pleasure. That’s physical Compersion. It is not clear if females can and do experience this form of Compersion in the years I’ve been asking, and I’ve gotten into some flame wars with a few stalwarts that insist that this form of Compersion doesn’t exist, to which I can only say - they have no idea what they are missing.
My wife understands this powerful effect. Though she has no desire to experience the same watching me with another woman, she is equally turned on as a result of my arousal response and excitement. For us the pleasure becomes circular: The more she gets into her own pleasure with another man, the more heightened my pleasure, and on and on. Powerful is a woefully weak word for this phenomenon.
I’ve also written at length about how the various components of jealousy that enable Compersion. I’ll reiterate, jealousy isn’t one thing; it has a variety of discrete characteristics that include, but are not limited to fear, insecurity, envy, competitiveness, inadequacy, possessiveness, fear of abandonment, feeling unloved and feeling left out. It is important to recognize the differences in each of these aspects that power jealousy. As I’ve written in my article, The Cool Fire of Hotwifing (Part 1): (http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=20879), jealousy is an essential element that provides the fuel for Compersion: Getting ‘over’ or ‘past’ jealousy would be like saying if you don’t like some foods, permanently numb all the nerves in your mouth. Those that want to master and maximize the power of Compersion need to realize that jealousy isn’t something shameful, but an incredibly powerful tool and a skill that needs to be learned, managed, mastered - not overcome. The trick is to take control of jealousy and turn it on its head to a point where it becomes a natural and potent aphrodisiac. Many of the emotions stemming from jealousy share one common human emotion - fear. Fear isn’t a negative thing; it is a natural human survival response and can be highly motivational when properly managed. That is the ‘cool’ in the ‘cool fire’. I feel sorry for those that see fear and jealousy as a weakness, and retreat into denial over it – which becomes self-depriving.
Which brings me back full circle to the first and classical understanding of Compersion, the emotional form. Many men will say that they get their pleasure simply because of their wife’s joy. I don’t doubt that for a moment, but I often suspect that aside from a minority that claim that they get no sexual stimulation from Hotwifing whatsoever, many are sexually aroused as a result of their partner’s emotional desire for another man. This creates a phenomenon where certain components of jealousy, including competitiveness and fear of loss, serve as an erotic stimulant the equivalent of rocket fuel.
It is not uncommon for men in this lifestyle to evolve to this place after experiencing physical Compersion for some period. Conversely, it is not unusual to hear men who are new to Hotwifing say they don’t want their wife to have intercourse, of if they do, not kiss the other man, or, not allow their wife to be with another man alone and be with them only when he is physically present, or, she not experience any emotional intimacy whatsoever (as if he can control that -ha!). These are typical newbie reactions and may persist long term, but for many men, the physical-only activities soon become old and less than satisfying, for either the female, the male, or both partners. Most men don’t typically require a relational/emotional component with a woman to have peak orgasms, but most women do; Chalk that up to Venus vs Mars, and estrogen.
The fear we’ve discussed becomes the major inhibitor to higher-order pleasure that involves a woman also having an emotional/relational connection to the other man, but doing so requires the husband and the couple taking risk. Doing it successfully requires an immense amount of self-security, self-esteem, and unparalleled degree of trust, honesty, openness, loyalty, selflessness, and communication in the relationship, with an equal desire to give as much as take. That’s an exceptionally tall order for many!
If one can achieve those, the door opens to a far wider world of sexual stimulation and pleasure through emotional Compersion and transference. For example, in my own experience, my wife had only physical sex with a few select men absence of any non-physical connection with the other male. For quite some time, the sexual excitement was there, but not as powerful as it had been initially. By the way, I don’t see that as desensitization at all; It became obvious something was missing and holding things back more than was necessary. When I heard, and watched my wife getting into the other male, not just sexually, but relationally, the proverbial ‘ah-ha!’ moment revealed itself. Her intense excitement, and her physical pleasure rocketed off the charts when a deeper connection between her and the other male was present, versus when it wasn’t. Of course, as we men evolve in this lifestyle, we soon realize that it does have to be all about her pleasure first if we are to experience maximum pleasure ourselves. It might not start out that way, and those that are basically narcissists may never evolve beyond their own selfishness needs and intent, but eventually many husbands in this lifestyle figure it out. Lucky for some, there are men and their wives who get this from the get-go – I applaud and envy you.
To the husbands and boyfriends that don’t get this, it probably seems counter-intuitive and too risky to want your wife to get emotionally attached to her lover(s). I’m not talking about full-on polyamory, which is at an even higher plane than this, I am talking about a zone somewhere between infatuation and emotional attachment short of any serious commitment, and where the marriage remains primary and sacrosanct. This also requires that the other man respect the primacy of the marriage, and never cross the line. Finding men to simply fuck your wife is easy; finding enlightened lovers can be difficult to find, but not impossible.
Which is the point to which my wife and I have presently evolved in the lifestyle over the years. She and I love the circular pleasure of Compersion I described earlier; It brings an eternal fire to our relationship - sexually, emotionally, and romantically. I want her to have more than a fuck partner; I want her to have a lover and a boyfriend whom she craves physically and wants emotionally. I don’t fear that affecting our life commitment in the least, though I know many couples don’t share that degree of solidarity and confidence in their partner. The biggest risk is, and has always been, New Relationship Exuberance (NRE), where the new and shiny toy always looks better than the old one, at least for a while anyhow. Those who truly understand NRE can use it, and enjoy using it without risk. I want my wife to be totally and completely immersed in NRE, and be totally infatuated with her lover. Her pleasure and their sex is at the pinnacle when she is enjoying both, as is my own via Compersion. Knowing she remains voluntarily and inextricably committed to our marital bond and life-long plans to grow old together, it creates an environment where pleasure and controlled jealousy combine and become combustible.
Yes, I want her to want him, badly. I want her to ache for him sexually, to crave his body entangled with hers, to experience her powerful desire for him, to covet his passionate embrace and kisses, to look deep into his eyes with unbridled want, to crave his large, hard, pulsating manhood deep inside of her womanhood. I want her to beg for his seed, to fully expose her maternal evolutionary programming to have him breed her. And I want him to want her the same.
My wife is slightly and generally submissive, but can also be quite assertive. I want her to submit to her lover, but at the same time, be assertive, and even sexually aggressive when communicating with me about her excitement and pleasure. Her conveyance to me fuels my Compersive response, whether I am physically present while she is with her lover, or she is with him alone without me present and shares it with me afterwards.
She knows how to blow my mind. She knows that I need to reclaim her afterwards, even if she hasn’t had intercourse with him on a date. If I am present when they are together, she can push my buttons with the greatest of ease, simply by getting into her lover intensely despite my presence. If she wants to push me to the edge, all she needs to do is look at me with that wicked smile of hers that silently taunts me, or, beg her lover repeatedly to fuck her and breed her. If she is bold enough to straddle him reverse cowgirl and face me while riding his massive cock, she can dominate me with her feminine power simply by looking right and assert unapologetically, that he owns her pussy and her body. I need to do all I can not to ejaculate; it is mighty hard to save it so that I can reclaim her afterwards and sink it deep into her silky-wet, cum-filled pussy. When I do try to reclaim her, she can ratchet up the ante by verbally resisting and make me work hard for it. That may be a bit of temporary denial and be considered a bit of mild cucking, but it doesn’t make her dominant, nor does it undermine her general submissiveness. I end up on top (figuratively and often literally), and in the end, we both end up victorious. Some of the best reclamation sex is when it gets rather raw, taunting, and she verbally resists with a provocative and belligerent attitude.
If she plays apart without me, we still enjoy the same every bit as much. The immense and unnerving anxiety that results from being apart and waiting is yet another symptom of jealousy and fear that fuels Compersion. She can, and does keep me on the edge by ensuring my involvement in various ways - from helping her prepare and get ready for her date, to sitting with me for a while all dressed and ready before she leaves for her date, telling me what she plans to do with her lover romantically and sexually, verbal taunting. texting, and maybe even letting me listen to the two of them having sex from afar on the phone on occasion. When she returns home, she can use her escapade to bring me right back into the thick of it. If she and her lover have had sex, all she needs to do is show me her cum-filled panties to bring me to my knees, and give me blow-my-blow playback of her pleasures. If she describes her pleasure to me in graphic detail afterwards while she delays my ability to reclaim her, or while I am in the process of reclaiming her, I am instantly and willingly at her mercy. Maybe that is a bit of what in the BDSM world we call Switch, where roles are reversed, but again, it’s not permanent nor is that the norm in our general relationship. As I’ve said, in the end, we always revert to our respective preferred roles.
Knowing her total pleasure is fully unleashed, both relationally and sexually, is key to her and my own sexual pleasure. Compersion is a powerful and little understood force, and needs to be well understood and carefully handled. I consider it the nuclear fuel of this lifestyle which can be used to its greatest advantage, or be destructive in the wrong or in inexperienced hands.
I hope you found this interesting and useful. You might or might not agree with some or all my views on this subject, but it is what I’ve learned over my years in the lifestyle, and what works in our own relationship.
TriangleTangle
