What am I feeling?

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Sneakypete
Prepubescent
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Aug 01, 2017 11:55 am

What am I feeling?

Unread post by Sneakypete » Mon Aug 07, 2017 4:40 pm

This has been in my mind since I was 17 or so. Almost 31 years. My first girlfriend would tell me about her past lovers, in detail, and describe their encounters. It was very erotic and almost always wound up playing back in my head when we had sex or when I masturbated.
It was not consuming though. Since we were having sex, and we were not careful, she got pregnant. We decided to marry and life was wonderful.
about halfway through the pregnancy, she told me there was a chance the child was not mine. There was a very, very good chance the child was not mine. She had cheated with her best friends brother at a sleep over. I was crushed with jealousy, but I told her I was the child's father regardless. Over the following months, I probed her for details, and she gave them to me. How big was he? Where did you do the deed? Was it once that night or several times? etc.
Those details consumed my mind. I was basically sporting wood most of the day and masturbating furiously at every opportunity.
I joined the service and during boot camp, and school afterward, she started cheating again. When I deployed, she started sleeping with a guy and when I got home, the day I got home, while I was on my call to her to tell her I was home, she confessed. Literally, the first words out of my mouth were "I want to have sex with you while he is having sex with you." She kinda freaked out. That never happened.
What did happen was I convinced her to come back home with me. She asked for one last visit with him and I said okay. When she left to go, I flew into a rage and was so furious I scared myself. I had no way to know where she was going, so I could not follow. When she got home several hours later, I had calmed down, and I asked her about what they had done. We spent a couple of hours talking about it, and our relationship. The whole time, I wanted to go down on her so bad I was trembling. I was able to ease her into it and I devoured her. It was such a turn on to me. I have always been able to do things to women with my tongue that will make them forget their own name, but that night, I made her forget his too. After that, I reclaimed her by f***ing her brains out.'

I have always had the fantasy of being cuckolded since then. The real rub is, every time a relationship drifted toward cheating, or I became suspicious, I become furious and very possessive. I have been willing to beat someone to a pulp, or be beaten to a pulp by someone, rather than allow someone to steal my wife from me.

So, what the heck?

BTW, my first wife and I split about 3 months after the night I reclaimed her. I do not regret losing her a single bit, and never really have.

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