My Notebook

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Cuck on the Rocks
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My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Mon Jun 24, 2019 8:30 am

I am starting a notebook. Some may argue it's a diary, journal or even a virtual scapbook. It doesn't matter really. You're additions and thoughts are welcome.

Last night was the second step in a direction that I have only imagined. I can't shake the images from my mind. They fill my heart with warmth. Her womanhood displayed directly in front of me as she brings herself to full orgasm with the dildo. This cock I've given to her, is so hard it hurts but numbed on the outside as she commands. I dribble my precum on her thigh as I attempt to hump her leg like a pathetic dog. It's no use. I feel no satisfaction but the hot burning desire to watch her move herself beyond the point of no return. She allows me to lick her clit and lips. I take occasion to put my tongue on the shaft as it is pushing in and drawn back. This seems to increase her excitement. Her hips thrust wildly, and she begins to climax.

As she returns from her journey, she pulls the cock shaped dildo from herself. My mouth opens; begging for her to shove it in. It's an uncontrolled reaction. She slides between my lips. I suckle it; cleaning her sliky slick wetness from it.

Now the nagging question burns inside of my head. I would give everything to know the the other side of this, to experience the emotions, to know. That is not possible though, and, yet, I can't stop wanting. What if it triggers passion? She denies it of course, but I have seen another side. This side. The one she showed tonight. I have my suspicions. Am I playing with fire?

It feels so good.

gandhhotspot

Re: My Notebook

Unread post by gandhhotspot » Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:45 pm

She needs to know you feel like you are playing with fire on this topic. She also needs to know you can't stop thinking about it because it feels so good. Like nothing you have felt before.

My opening up and telling my wife about cuckolding led to her wondering if I am gay. So she bought a DVD on line. The title was ALL MALE. ALL NUDE and she made me lay in bed naked and watch the video with her. As we watched male strippers be interviewed and then see short clips of the dancing on stage naked, my wife would reach down to see if my tiny dick was hard. It wasn't. The video did nothing for me or for her really. We never watched porn before. The next day she called me into the bed again (afternoon), and she was holding a new vibrator dildo she wanted to try.

She was having trouble admitting to me that I can never satisfy her because I am tiny. I have been telling her that and the feelings in me are hurting badly. So we used the dildo and she had a nice orgasm. Now we are trying different things with a strap on pegging device.

She loves it when I hold the dildo in front of her. She sees me wanting to hold it, love it, have it. But we also know a dildo will only go so far and a day will come when we will both need the real thing in our bed.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Mon Jun 24, 2019 3:16 pm

gandhhotspot wrote:
Mon Jun 24, 2019 1:45 pm
She needs to know you feel like you are playing with fire on this topic. She also needs to know you can't stop thinking about it because it feels so good. Like nothing you have felt before.

My opening up and telling my wife about cuckolding led to her wondering if I am gay. So she bought a DVD on line. The title was ALL MALE. ALL NUDE and she made me lay in bed naked and watch the video with her. As we watched male strippers be interviewed and then see short clips of the dancing on stage naked, my wife would reach down to see if my tiny dick was hard. It wasn't. The video did nothing for me or for her really. We never watched porn before. The next day she called me into the bed again (afternoon), and she was holding a new vibrator dildo she wanted to try.

She was having trouble admitting to me that I can never satisfy her because I am tiny. I have been telling her that and the feelings in me are hurting badly. So we used the dildo and she had a nice orgasm. Now we are trying different things with a strap on pegging device.

She loves it when I hold the dildo in front of her. She sees me wanting to hold it, love it, have it. But we also know a dildo will only go so far and a day will come when we will both need the real thing in our bed.
Thank you gandhhotspot. She has been very understanding. She is adamant that she doesn't want anyone else and has started to just ignore my words when I bring it up.

I just need an emotional and creative outlet for these thoughts and feelings.

On the bright side, I am here, in my office at work, locked in chastity and she has the key. It's my birthday and she didn't give in this morning to taking it off.

We shall see.

gandhhotspot

Re: My Notebook

Unread post by gandhhotspot » Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:04 pm

I took the advice of V H W here on this site. Every one said the same thing ... Let her move forward at her pace. It wont work otherwise. As soon as I stopped trying to talk about it, she would suddenly bring up the subject. I bought a book called, CUCKOLDING by Caroline James. Got it on Amazon. small book not expensive. I read it and gave it to my wife one day when she asked me a question about cucks. It is written by a woman for women.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:55 pm

Thank you. That's really great advice. I appreciate it.

I have pushed at times and that hasn't gone well. Also, she get busy and everything just stops. Finding a way to stay top of mind yet not pushy can be difficult.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Tue Jul 02, 2019 3:43 am

Chastity is like building a sandcastle on a beach. The longer the period, the more beautiful it becomes. The feelings more intense. The more creative the imagination.

Then it happens. The structure collapses under it's own weight. The body can no longer fight off the primal instinct. In a moment of momentary euphoria, the castle is leveled.

Immediate feelings of sadness from the loss take over The dread of starting over sets in.

Construction begins a new.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Tue Jul 09, 2019 6:11 pm

Well, it's been a week now. Those cucky feelings have set in as I figured they would. Still, no progress. I'm giving up on anything changing for awhile. It would take some crazy serendipity for anything to change.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by subtoall » Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:27 am

Cuck on the Rocks wrote:
Tue Jul 02, 2019 3:43 am
Chastity is like building a sandcastle on a beach. The longer the period, the more beautiful it becomes. The feelings more intense. The more creative the imagination.

Then it happens. The structure collapses under it's own weight. The body can no longer fight off the primal instinct. In a moment of momentary euphoria, the castle is leveled.

Immediate feelings of sadness from the loss take over The dread of starting over sets in.

Construction begins a new.
Brilliant metaphor.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by pixwellguy » Wed Jul 10, 2019 5:19 am

Welcome, cuck on the rocks. gandhhotspot is right - this journey can take a long time and the best thing you can do is let it proceed slowly, at her pace. In the meantime, you've come to the right place. There are plenty of cuckolds and want-to-be-cuckolds here who understand your needs.

And I agree with subtoall, that's a great metaphor for chastity!

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Wed Jul 17, 2019 3:32 am

subtoall wrote:
Wed Jul 10, 2019 12:27 am
Brilliant metaphor.
Thank you!
pixwellguy wrote:
Wed Jul 10, 2019 5:19 am
Welcome, cuck on the rocks. gandhhotspot is right - this journey can take a long time and the best thing you can do is let it proceed slowly, at her pace. In the meantime, you've come to the right place. There are plenty of cuckolds and want-to-be-cuckolds here who understand your needs.

And I agree with subtoall, that's a great metaphor for chastity!
Thank you. I really appreciate it. This place is unique and interesting. I'm not completely sure what I want anymore honestly.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Thu Jul 18, 2019 11:17 am

The other day I saw a lady in a restaurant with a Queen of Spades tshirt on. I think it said something about being in charge, nothing sexual. It caught me a bit off guard at first, but then I started to wonder if she knew what it meant. It made me smile. Maybe she did, and that was sexy. Maybe she didn't, and that made me chuckle a bit thinking about her not knowing why she was getting hit on so much.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Wed Jul 31, 2019 1:17 pm

I was turned on to the podcast website keysandanklets.com for someone on shemakestherules.com. I've only listened to one so far, but I think my wife is wired differently. I think it's a confidence issue with her.

I truly believe there's a side of her that is super kinky because I have seen it. She keeps it so secure and hidden behind walls of shame and fear that it's impossible to penetrate. The fear of being made fun of or made a fool is debilitating for her sometimes. The way she speaks about any part of this type of lifestyle is almost offensive. It is convincing how adamant she really is. I'm not sure she really even like sex. She hardly ever let's me go down on her let alone sits on my face...

However, she has these moments that make me wonder if she isn't just trying to convince herself she isn't into it. These moments are the things that have brought me here.

I know I just need to be patient and let things progress, but it is so hard to do. Now I'm questioning whether I even want this or if I'm just trying to get her to admit she wants it... or worse, trying to make her into something she isn't.

On the a positive note, she teased me well last night and put the chastity cage on. Her cock is locked and secured, but progress is slow.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Sun Aug 04, 2019 6:14 am

There have been some rather exciting developments over the past few days. I'm sure many of you have had a big fight or two over your desires. I think disagreements really are health. I just wish the emotions didn't make us say things we don't mean and hurt each other (I mean mentally not physically obviously). In the end though, once the real concerns are washed ashore, we can begin the vetting and resolution.

I have a tendency to go too far too quickly with things. I am inpatient and that can cause a lot of the stress. When I move too quickly, she reacts negatively and regresses. I know this is an obvious issue, but I don't realize I'm pushing most of the time until it's too late. So I am going to be very cognizant of my issue and do my best to find the right pace.

Her biggest fear, no matter how much I explain, is that I want this for real. She grew up in a broken home that was caused by infidelity. She has seen many of her other family members homes be torn apart for the same reason. I can't deny, I completely understand her concerns.

I'm not sure I ever want this beyond fantasy. I've told her this, but when I play, I'm am very detailed and this causes her to retract. I can separate fantasy and reality in my own mind, but I'm not sure she is able to as easily. She once asked me if I thought i would ever want this for real. I would not lie to her, so I said I didn't know. This causes most of her anxiety. She is okay with pretending, but does not want the real thing. I've told her that I'm not ready for anything like that; I would never push her into it; and I don't think our marriage, where we are today could withstand uf she did.

That being said, last night was amazing. Make up sex often is, but she ruined my orgasm with her hand, made me eat the cum off her finger. Then she used my cock to orgasm. It was all I could not not to burst inside if her. I pulled out just in time for her cock to drizzle its white nectar all over my belly. I love watching her cum. I love the sound of her gasping and hold her breath. The sound of her moans as she becomes a Phoenix of ecstasy. Watching her pelvis gyrate as she slips past that point of no return. It's an amazing spectacle.

She asked for all of my IDs and passwords last night. I'm going to give them to her. I doubt she'll look, but I kind of hope she does.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Thu Jul 23, 2020 10:33 am

Wow, has it really been a year since I've written in my notebook. Funny how things really haven't changed.

I'm not sure if I'm just being stubborn, but I still refuse to believe she has no interest in certain things. I know she does. She practically admitted she does. She actually confirmed and retracted her statement. Why won't she trust me? Does she think I'll exploit it? Guess only time will tell.

After reading some sound advice, I've let the matter be for now. The issue has become less about the subject of taboo roleplay and more about the fact that I bring it up occasionally. The good news is that she's playing more dominant with me. She's getting pretty good at it. I wish she would find a coach or research a little more though. It would be amazing if we could explore together even. We'll have to just leave things in her hands. After all, that's the whole point.... isn't it?

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Sun Oct 31, 2021 2:23 pm

Interesting development... I think this might actually be moving in the right direction. She admitted she is turned on thinking about being DPed. I've always known it, but her admission was a complete surprise to me. We were messing around the other day. She was laying on her stomach while I rubbed her lower back. Eventually, she was pushing her ass in the air, and I couldn't help but massage her ass and inner thigh. Before I knew it, my fingers were exploring between her ass cheeks. One hand pressed against her tight little hole, my other hand cupped her pussy (she loves that). I slid a finger inside of her. She was gushing wet. It made me so hard. She asked me if I wanted to know what she was thinking of. Of course I said yes. Evenytime she would try to form her thoughts into words and utter them, her pevis would start gyrating and she'd start to slip into orgasm. I could hardly hear what it was she was saying that was making her so horny. I was pretty sure she was trying to say she was thinking about having two cocks inside of her. Then she said she was a bad girl... I told her she was and she fell into an incredible climax. Still I wasn't sure what she had actually said before she called herself a bad girl.

As we laid there afterwards, I asked her what she had said that was so intense. She said, "I was thinking about you in my ass and the vibrator in my pussy." I found this hard to believe. I figured that she was trying to protect her position on fidelity.

Later, she admitted what she actually said and thought. We have to keep it a fantasy. I don't think she would ever allow herself to partake. I'm okay with that...but this is a huge step. I feel like we've finally moved the nettle a lot.

Makes me tingle think about it. I have to be careful not to push too hard. I want to talk about it more with her.

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Re: My Notebook

Unread post by Cuck on the Rocks » Sun Dec 26, 2021 11:28 am

There's a certain bit of romanticism around this for me. I don't think she understands that. I know she would lose herself in the excitement if she would only allow herself to explore her thoughts. She keeps them to herself and seldom opens up.

If she could feel the way I feel when I imagine her letting go of her doubt and purity, maybe she wouldn't be afraid. Maybe she wouldn't fear the consequences. Maybe she would realize, the consequences on exist in her mind.

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