Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[Triggershy]

Your patience and kindness is truly admirable. I’m so impressed with you. Thank you sharing every emotion and detail your a far better man then I am!!!

Obviously you know your wife better then we do but since day one I feel there is always way more behind door number two that she’s not sharing. From Mr. B to this.

Have a great day and love your wife more then ever!!

[whenwillshe]

Your obvious love for her will be reassuring and hopefully, when you share the excitement you both derived from the experience, she will be more comfortable

[kaskap79]

What she calls "Shell Shock" I call "Information Overflow".

It does happen quite often, especially after the first time.

For the husband it turns out as impotence in the first couple of days, for the Hotwife it is often shown as no sexdrive at all.

Once her mind is settle to that this is OK and you are still there for her, then her sexdrive comes back.

Same for men, the erections comes back after some days.

When the erection/sexdrive comes back, it normaly is very intensive.

So be patient, her sexdrive will come back in a week or two.

[54321]

"I fucked this good looking guy and enjoyed it and I want to do it again, Darling." is completely counter intuitive to our culture and her entire lifetime experience, particularly the experience of her formative years. No wonder she's 'shell shocked'. It will take a while to adjust.

54321

[hwfanatic]

She has been with the calendar and has asked me to confirm for certain dates, for flights and for hotel, etc. She seems quite motivated and also seems to be trying to downplay that energy. Again, this inner struggle. I suppose this is how it goes for her, and am not surprised overall. The desire element is a bit daunting for her, and also a very new and foreign feeling.

She is coming around.

Are you saying here that she is already planning her next rendezvous with her new lover? (Or simply restarting what sure did pressing up to her HW-cherry popping trip?)

[eb4cplslooking]

A little guilt is to be expected at first, but the fact that she's already planned another trip tells you that she maybe felt she should feel that way? Maybe that's for your benefit? Looks that way to me.

Did she ever ask what you were doing while she was on her HW date? My HW liked to hear me tell her about what I was doing, whether trying to stay occupied with mundane tasks, to stroking to thoughts of her letting go and doing her thing!!

She has dipped the toe, but looks intent on wading all the way in. You must insist on some "getting ready" pics next time......she owes you!
Enjoy the ride brother - and bike rides too. Litespeed TI owner here.

[slenderfish]

What she calls "Shell Shock" I call "Information Overflow".

It does happen quite often, especially after the first time.

For the husband it turns out as impotence in the first couple of days, for the Hotwife it is often shown as no sexdrive at all.

Once her mind is settle to that this is OK and you are still there for her, then her sexdrive comes back.

Same for men, the erections comes back after some days.

When the erection/sexdrive comes back, it normaly is very intensive.

So be patient, her sexdrive will come back in a week or two.

Good to know. I did have a bit of a shy guy (my dick) for about 12 hours.

I do expect SW to get her sex drive back, perhaps hopefully as early as tomorrow. Today is too busy for both of us in any case.

[BallSpanking]

The fact she wants to see him again is a significant positive. For all her doubts, slut shaming, and guilt, the fact she wants a return visit puts you on notice that she wants him again. Her fear of rejection from Mr S would not weigh on her, if she did not have certain expectations about the course of her affair. So, irrespective of other signals, I think her desire for an encore definitely establishes a baseline.

Given your descriptions of her, I think she would appreciate a few days of non-pressure, non-engagement in the HW topic to give her time to digest it all and settle her guilt issues. Naturally, if she wants to talk about it, be there for her to do so, but otherwise just be sweet, gentle and attentive to her moods and preferences until the dust settles.

[slenderfish]

Your patience and kindness is truly admirable. I’m so impressed with you. Thank you sharing every emotion and detail your a far better man then I am!!!

Obviously you know your wife better then we do but since day one I feel there is always way more behind door number two that she’s not sharing. From Mr. B to this.

Have a great day and love your wife more then ever!!

Nothing to update on that front at this point. Is she a woman who has strong guilt? Is this strong guilt showing itself now after breaking her hotwife cherry? Seems so. But then what was her guilt situation if she had been playing around (having an affair) with Mr. B? Not sure if the one situation informs the other.

[BallSpanking]

It seems clear from her reaction that this was her first extra-marital experience.

[slenderfish]

A little guilt is to be expected at first, but the fact that she's already planned another trip tells you that she maybe felt she should feel that way? Maybe that's for your benefit? Looks that way to me.

I have been wondering this myself. Perhaps a mix of both these, and the portion that is "for my benefit" will fade away more quickly.

Did she ever ask what you were doing while she was on her HW date? My HW liked to hear me tell her about what I was doing, whether trying to stay occupied with mundane tasks, to stroking to thoughts of her letting go and doing her thing!!

Not really. I mean, I told her, whether she asked or not, during the somewhat awkward ride back home from the airport on Monday. Why do you ask this?

She has dipped the toe, but looks intent on wading all the way in. You must insist on some "getting ready" pics next time......she owes you!
Enjoy the ride brother - and bike rides too. Litespeed TI owner here.

Yes, she apologized about the pics but I believe she never really even tried. Last night I started the conversation about the balance that must eventually be achieved in order for this to work for both of us over the longer term. Something for her, something for me. Also discussed the rudiments of establishing a set of "never" guidelines. That the marriage must always remain paramount.

[slenderfish]

"I fucked this good looking guy and enjoyed it and I want to do it again, Darling." is completely counter intuitive to our culture and her entire lifetime experience, particularly the experience of her formative years. No wonder she's 'shell shocked'. It will take a while to adjust.

54321

Indeed.

[slenderfish]

Answering XYAlpha's question from above about plans already for the next visit:

Yes, this one is going to cause a smile to some of you readers.

We first met Mr. s (or I first met him) last November, when we were doing our usual Thanksgiving trip to be with her family. We do hers for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas. She hates to be in the excessively cold weather beginning in December, so we have this pattern. We were out on our usual Saturday night date night, at an upscale restaurant where she can dress extra stylish and hot, and be in place. There is a very clubby hotel bar through a passageway from the restaurant, and no need to wait in line for entry to the clubby bar if you transition from the restaurant.

Se we had transitioned to the clubby bar and had first cocktail (she had wine) when she notice a group of four and she knew the guys. They came over and were very friendly, good conversation, appropriate energy and manners, etc. Mr. S was there with his girlfriend.

I provide this background because we are now planning this Thanksgiving trip. She already told Mr. S that she will stay a few extra days after the long weekend, in order to see him and visit with her girlfriends. He said that Tuesdays are the only bad days (nights) because he has a visitation schedule with his younger son.

I suggested to SW that she go in early for the long weekend, and spend the first night out with Mr. S. (e.g. Wed) and then she can also see him again once or twice early the next week in her extended stay. She said "once or twice, no, why not every night?" I also mentioned that if they are able to plan better in advance, then perhaps they can stay the whole night together and this way she can get her desired after-sex cuddling and pillow talk. It then became obvious to me that she already thought of this. So she needs to merely confirm this calendar suggestion to him. That is, arrive Wed mid-afternoon and return the following Wednesday. She said this will provide Wed, Sun and Mon to be with him, and Tuesday is a question mark.

I'll then travel early Thursday with my son (he is joining us with her family this year, a first for him) and return with him on Sunday afternoon.

[coastalkid]

Well, you can rule out the experience being one that set aside her fears and doubts. She didn't bubble over with enthusiasm and an immediate desire for more. She may have really liked it and had the "post orgasm" reluctance from her own wanton behavior. It may have been a "so so" experience that because of the hype and knowing how you wanted this work out that she doesn't know how to express her disappointment. The simple truth is that in the aftermath the balance of emotions are not a net positive outcome. Did she enjoy herself so much she felt wrong about doing so, or did she not enjoy herself when she believed she should have? It doesn't sound like you know that yet.

[eb4cplslooking]

[

Did she ever ask what you were doing while she was on her HW date? My HW liked to hear me tell her about what I was doing, whether trying to stay occupied with mundane tasks, to stroking to thoughts of her letting go and doing her thing!!

Not really. I mean, I told her, whether she asked or not, during the somewhat awkward ride back home from the airport on Monday. Why do you ask this?


My reason for asking this is that my wife loves the thought of me stroking while imagining her with someone else. She will ask," so what did you do after he picked me up" with a mischevous grin on her face!!

[bubbajack]

Coastal Kid wrote: "The simple truth is that in the aftermath the balance of emotions are not a net positive outcome."

Yep.

[hwfanatic]

she may be exhibiting some passive aggressiveness towards you, tbh. perhaps resenting that you started this, so she’s doubling down on getting right back with NRE lover while denying you what you want now (details, reclaiming, etc.).

who knows, but it’s a reasonable explanation.

[wannabecUKold]

To Coastalkid: we will see in due course. My own sense is that she is emotionally drained and even in physical shock at what she has done: physical shock due to the flood of chemicals released by the coupling. That will calm down. When it does, I think she will demand more sex like that. My concern is that she might insist on moving from monogamy with husband to monogamy with Mr S.

[slenderfish]

[

Did she ever ask what you were doing while she was on her HW date? My HW liked to hear me tell her about what I was doing, whether trying to stay occupied with mundane tasks, to stroking to thoughts of her letting go and doing her thing!!

Not really. I mean, I told her, whether she asked or not, during the somewhat awkward ride back home from the airport on Monday. Why do you ask this?


My reason for asking this is that my wife loves the thought of me stroking while imagining her with someone else. She will ask," so what did you do after he picked me up" with a mischevous grin on her face!!

I'll see about this. Thanks for the suggestion.

[slenderfish]

she may be exhibiting some passive aggressiveness towards you, tbh. perhaps resenting that you started this, so she’s doubling down on getting right back with NRE lover while denying you what you want now (details, reclaiming, etc.).

who knows, but it’s a reasonable explanation.

I'll say this is closest to my thinking on the matter. Lots of (naturally) confusion because it's clear she liked it enough to already be planning another cycle. When I even mentioned in response to some of her (light) passive/aggressive stuff that perhaps we should put on pause, she was visibly trying to seem not eager, but at the same time fully resisting any mention of any pause.

She also delved last night into feelings. "What if" she develops deeper feelings for Mr. S and wants to see him more often? She is already projecting the path she believes may occur, based on something that has already happened and that she expects may or will happen.

But as for now she continues to struggle with her inner morality, and she actively acknowledges that's what's going on. She conveniently "blames" me for this internal conflict, and I understand it comes from hotwifing, etc. and pointed out that it's a natural and expected element that we will work through together. If hotwifing came from me, then I do bear a healthy dose of responsibility here.

We will work through it together. I believe she already can see the end of the tunnel on this matter and even that gives her pause.

I reminded her that this is a huge transformation for her, that it's the beginning of a significant phase of personal growth, and that change is difficult. I used the analogy of the first day of school (say, high school) for a young freshman. A lot of uncertainty, anxiety, and after the first day it was really a whirlwind and more of a passage than anything that is enjoyed. But in looking back, the anxiety and uncertainty, while acknowledged and remembered, is fully resolved in the recollection.

[solstice]

Slender Fish writes: I accepted and acknowledged that she started down this path at my request, but that we always remind that she is making the decisions and she is doing this "for her" and then, as a result, "for me." I kindly pointed out the following:

I think you are handling the aftermath wisely, you certainly have a gift for words, let's hope she can feel relaxed enough to give you the details that you crave and deserve.

[hwfanatic]

Keep us posted. You have unleashed her inner cougar.

[Mark K]

But as for now she continues to struggle with her inner morality, and she actively acknowledges that's what's going on. She conveniently "blames" me for this internal conflict, and I understand it comes from hotwifing, etc. and pointed out that it's a natural and expected element that we will work through together. If hotwifing came from me, then I do bear a healthy dose of responsibility here.

We will work through it together. I believe she already can see the end of the tunnel on this matter and even that gives her pause.

I reminded her that this is a huge transformation for her, that it's the beginning of a significant phase of personal growth, and that change is difficult. I used the analogy of the first day of school (say, high school) for a young freshman. A lot of uncertainty, anxiety, and after the first day it was really a whirlwind and more of a passage than anything that is enjoyed. But in looking back, the anxiety and uncertainty, while acknowledged and remembered, is fully resolved in the recollection.

Are you both still working with a Relationship Coach? Now that it has happened, and she is a Hotwife, it might help to chat about this and talk it out with a third party; for some outside perspective/guidance.

[KyGrappler80]

I think you are handling beautifully, but I go back to the idea that each party in this has a slightly different idea of what it is all about (just like anything, including marriage). Seems like her idea is to be freed to have an endorsed sexual relationship with another man. I think letting it run is wise. Giving it some time before you articulate your needs in all of this puts you in a good position with the Mrs. She feels your support for how she is experiencing this, and it's not just about you. Then, of course, there is a time for what you need from this. Which raises the issue in my mind: what do you want from this, now that it has happened?

[Rocketfailure]

As a bull, I tend to lurk on these forums. Mostly because I find the conversations interesting as they pertain to how bulls are perceived. Something about this story has interested me...and as I bull, I'm going to weigh in and offer some perspective.

I've been in the lifestyle for around ten years now. Started in my mid-20's with a friend's mom, (which sadly ended the friendship with said friend) and it snowballed from there. The first few years, I really wasn't all that picky with the wives/girlfriends I played with. If they were attractive and clean, I was typically in. But over time I started to pay more attention to Hotwife/Cuck dynamics, and grew more and more reluctant to get involved with first timers and couples that clearly had no established rules beyond wearing a condom. (And let's be clear, plans...even thoroughly laid plans...aren't lifestyle boundaries and rules.) And I get it that there are plenty of bulls that don't care. And that's fine...but roughly 350 wives/'girlfriends later, watching these dramas unfold can be a bit exhausting when the object of affection is both on the end of your dick and then conflicted when it's over. Or worse, trying to sort out in real time what's "OK" and what isn't with an overly anxious husband standing in the corner with his dick in hand and nobody is really thinking straight. (In my younger days it was a "thrill", but as I've gotten older it's a giant pain in the ass when you're fucking a newly minted hotwife or girlfriend and a couple has requested a condom, and just as I'm about to blow and she wants it in her pussy and the guy doesn't know what to do. Sort this shit out people! I mean, I'm down for some "in the moment" stuff, especially with established wives/girlfriends and couples, but the "new to this" uncertainty can be a problem.) And as a rule I won't do sleepovers or post orgasm cuddle-time pillow talk either. I'll fuck your wife or girlfriend overnight, and maybe we catch some naps in the process between rounds, but the whole "sleepover" for connection thing can be relationship poison for couples just figuring this out. At least in my experience.

My advice, for whatever it's worth, is for both of you to get your emotional stuff and rules together before plowing forward with this. This isn't a business transaction where there's a clear result and bottom line. Coaxing an already conflicted wife or girlfriend into a complicated lifestyle can backfire in ways you wouldn't believe. And waiting until she's sat on a strange dick to sort stuff out is a bit like trying to shove the toothpaste back in the tube. From what I've read, she already has a secretive side, and she's conflicted on multiple levels as to why you want this, why she would want this, etc. It's no wonder you got nothing out of this experience, because in essence she just cheated on you with your blessing. From what I can tell (and have watched first hand), most Cucks are so focused on the fantasy and getting their significant others into doing it, no matter how masterfully they lay the groundwork, they're 99% of the time still dealing with a woman who's wondering just what the fuck is going on. I've known even the most uptight of women to toy and tease with the fun and fantasy of the Hotwife life, but it's one thing to have a fun and flirty fantasy, and another to have a fantasy drain his balls in you, or orgasm on a strange dick, and then have to deal with the emotion of it all. With as many hangups and needs for deep connection as she apparently has, if you do move forward, you guys need to establish what she gets out of this, and what you get out of this, and how that works in real time, as much as possible. (And I say this, because I've met couples where they start out with the "let's get a dick in her, and go from there" plan and 6-12 months later either the relationship is over, or the guy with a soft Cuck fantasy ends up in total denial, caged, and with a wife that has no desire for him anymore.) It also needs to be said that some women just aren't up for it. They might enjoy the fantasy of it, but emotionally the act is too much. And it can have nothing to do with religious hangups or societal norms, some women just can't get their heads/hearts around it. And that has to be OK too.

Anyway - there you go. Another perspective from the other end of this. My best to you both.

Alex