Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[whenwillshe]

I hope this is the reset night SW and SF need to begin to figure out how/if to move forward, rebond and deal with each other emotionally and for SFs sake, a bit physically

[KyGrappler80]

I may be wrong, but somehow, I don't see SW adapting to one-off hookups. And my guess is that if she had to reconsider this as an exercise in sport-fucking, she would bail. Can't say I'd blame her if it just comes down to that.

I agree.

[slenderfish]

I hope this is the reset night SW and SF need to begin to figure out how/if to move forward, rebond and deal with each other emotionally and for SFs sake, a bit physically

It was an afternoon/evening of reconnecting. She pulled me out of my office at around 3:00 p.m. and announced to me that my business day is complete and now it's time to catch up and reconnect.

We spent about three hours discussing the ups and downs thus far, and her thoughts about what was working and what was not. I had my turn to do the same. We compared notes, and agreed to set out some ground rules that must not be broken, and other areas where she it's all her judgement call.

I told her that I deliberately did not assert my desires with respect to this past weekend, especially as it was unfolding in real time. That she was understandably undergoing an emotional challenge crossing the hotwife line, and that I was waiting for her to sort things out in her own mind. That I was hanging around as a listener and to provide support and empathy, and that I hope she saw all that.

But also now that she is ready to discuss, that there are some precedents that I don't want to be set, that will become ongoing patterns which will leave me unhappy and frustrated. We went back into the premise of "Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water" which was based on my request that she give it a try, for the sake of something new and challenging in our marriage and also for me on the one hand, and for her on the other hand. That she would give it a go to see if there is actually anything in it "for her" after all.

I observed that our recent conversations appear to conclude that she is interested in continuing with Mr. S and/or someone else if Mr. S doesn't work out. She confirmed this. So I laid out some areas where I'd prefer she make some modifications to accommodate me. The logic being that she is undertaking this to satisfy a longstanding desire of mine, and approaching it in a way that she may prefer. But if her way is useless to me, then the premise is lost, and all she will be doing is essentially having an affair with disclosure. She initially had a hard time getting her hands around that, but ultimately understood.

We revisited the concept of what it means to me to have a hotwife, and what I expect to get out of it. My general answer:

1) She should enjoy herself and achieve more feminine power, self assurance, and good sex. That her happiness in this will make me happy. The only way I can know about this is if she communicates it to me, either along the way in real time, or shortly thereafter (as she may prefer).

2) I need to be able to share in her happiness, via her communicating with me "just enough" along the way that I can know how she is doing and I can loosely track from afar (even out of state). Example, her text message on Sunday that "it's on" was to me a confirmation that her date was going to go as planned, etc. and that was sufficient for me to be able to track in my mind what they were likely doing throughout the evening. Turns out I did this and was quite accurate, after describing it to her. At the same time, if there is a major change to plan, I'd like her to let me know. She said she naturally chafes against any implication of my trying to insert myself, and I understand that, but it's not my intention to insert but rather just be slightly aware. We agreed to discuss this element more, and she agreed to provide periodic timely updates.

3) The reclaim. I more fully explained how the hotwife represents a trophy to me, in that she is beautiful, sexy, alluring, and but of course another man (men) would want to partake of her gifts. I am proud of her and like the concept of her sharing these gifts with someone she selects and deems deserving. She is giving herself over to another man, who almost takes "ownership" of her both conceptually and physically. Once back home, his imprint remains on her (in her) until I have a chance to reclaim her conceptually (via the conversation/download of events) and physically (via sexual encounter). Until the reclaim, she kind of remains "his" woman. This is how I look at it.

At that point, she jumped up and exclaimed "then we gotta get the reclaim done right now!"

I said that it was too late, that a reclaim must be done almost right away after returning home. She disagreed and said that we can do the reclaim as soon as she is ready, and in this instance she wasn't ready for a few days until now. We went up to our bedroom and debated the reclaim concept, and I gave in that the reclaim as I understand it is generally expected to be right away, but can be any time the couple agree to do so.

And reclaim we did. She got naked and the proceeded to mount me in cowgirl, and then leaned over and whispered the step-by-step progress of her first encounter with another man in over twelve years.

Started at the elevator bay in her hotel, progressed to kissing in the elevator and then into the room, clothes coming off pawing each other and continued deep french kissing, his hands on her breasts, her unbuckling his belt and holding his cock in her hands, his pants came off and she laid back on the bed and he pulled the thigh-high boots off each leg along with her jeans and then her panties. He licked her for a short time and then she took him into her mouth. She was pleasantly surprised by his neutral taste and she got wet in anticipation. He at some point donned a condom and she mounted him cowgirl style (just like she was on me at the time) and slowly and intently rode him. After a time, he flipped her on her back and put his hands around her firm ass cheeks and started a fast then slow then fast rhythm. She said he is proportional in size (dick to body) which I clarified is that he is taller than me and therefore also slightly larger dick (length and width). I then did the same, flipped her over to her favorite position. After a time, he came in the condom. She was as wet as I can remember. I then came inside of her.

As before, she said that she wished he had time to hang around and cuddle/snuggle and whisper sweet nothings. But that will have to be the next time, better planned. We laid there naked, and did the cuddling for quite some time.

We then got our wits about us, and she started conjecturing about possible paths with other man or men, what if she falls in love, what if, what if, what if. I was trying not to be dismissal and to engage her every question and concern, but at some point it was an exercise in futility and I wound that conversation down. I said that she and I are not teenagers and we know an obvious train wreck when we see one (e.g. someone with emotional issues or substance abuse issues or unreliable), so of course she would avoid anyone like that. Also if she chooses a man who is super eligible and clearly is ready for marriage, etc. even before they get together, then he is not a good candidate because he will likely want something more than a boyfriend role. Again, fully predictable so why take a risk on that different kind of train wreck? I said that this point is somewhat self-governing and that as she evolves in her hotwife experience, her interests and targets may also evolve.

In any case, we did agree that this has to work for both of us, and that we should make an extra effort now to consider each others' needs and we will continue the conversation. We have five weeks before the next trip, so we will get our ground rules all completed in advance of it.

[XYAlpha]

SF,
Be very careful with this concept of hers:


"As before, she said that she wished he had time to hang around and cuddle/snuggle and whisper sweet nothings. But that will have to be the next time, better planned."

It may be "necessary" for her connection - and I get that, however, there is playing with fire and playing with fire while covered in gasoline!

This could possibly raise the risk level significantly for a woman predisposed to falling in love with someone else. She herself has raised this red flag several times! Based on that, you might consider having a deeper discussion with her about this and what the plan will be. Some here cut ties with the man as soon as this is identified. Others openly discuss it very openly and manage it.

With her struggling to discuss some aspects of the LS with you - kind of a shyness - I wonder if she could actually discuss falling in love with someone else with you in real time or if it would be too late when it finally became obvious to you.

Sometimes NRE is impossible to discern from love. It will require that next level of communication that we all talk about to work through that. Something that the two of you need to work on IMO.

I'm glad that the two of you have started discussing these things and that you will continue to iron them out over the next several weeks prior to her next planned encounter. IMO, it is very important to get this done ahead of time.

Can you pleas share any details of your ground rules as they unfold and what areas she has complete autonomy?

Thanks!

XY

[NewVixenHW]

I've been reading this thread and the developments with intrigue!
I'm a 39 yo F from the UK. My fiancé confessed his HW fantasy to me a little over 2 months ago and as such we are embarking on our own journey.
What I've found so fascinating about this thread is to hear the male perspective from many other husband's of hotwives or who are otherwise involved in the LS and to also compare our journey to SW's thought process/approach.
Keep sharing SF!

[regular3]

Thanks for the comprehensive update. Just love the nuances that form a unique HW experience.
You mentioned about a possible boyfriend "Also if she chooses a man who is super eligible and clearly is ready for marriage, etc. even before they get together, then he is not a good candidate because he will likely want something more than a boyfriend role."
Are you both on the same page about her having a boyfriend and what would that entail?

[BallSpanking]

Thanks for the update, Slenderfish.
SW is now a HW and eager to explore her sexuality with Mr S or other men.
The fact she got wet and climaxed with Mr S tells you she can relax enough to really enjoy her HW experiences, and is interested in continuing.

[slenderfish]

New image coming today in the Hotties section, of her reprising the "getting ready" from last weekend.

Yesterday we were talking about how to keep a balance that provides me some goodies from the hotwife activities. We agreed that while this is still very new, she has to feel like she is in charge of what she is doing and taking the power of it all. She recognizes that her radio silence to her is merely the effort to keep her mind settled in its fight against her moral norms, but also now recognizes that it shuts me out.

Therefore, at this early point there are a few things that are very easy for her to do (I called them "nickel" $0.05 spends on her side but these are worth "fifty dollars" $50.00 on my side, so with just a minimum of effort from her I can receive great benefits, to wit:

1) Dropping a text message to me if plans change, etc. For example, I didn't know she went out with Mr. S on Saturday night, not until after she returned on Monday. It would have been really meaningful to me if she'd just knocked out a quick text that "Mr. S' flight is arriving early enough so he asked me to dinner tonight, as you know we agreed Sat is better anyway so I'm glad it came around, and I said yes." And/or on Sunday night "back in hotel safe and happy, gonna sleep now."

2) Taking the photo of getting ready/ready. Again, this only takes 15 seconds but it's quite a bone for a dog like me.

I am making a list of other such little things, which can be integrated in addition to the big things such as the reclaim, hard-line boundaries, etc.

[slenderfish]

SF,
Be very careful with this concept of hers:


"As before, she said that she wished he had time to hang around and cuddle/snuggle and whisper sweet nothings. But that will have to be the next time, better planned."

It may be "necessary" for her connection - and I get that, however, there is playing with fire and playing with fire while covered in gasoline!

This could possibly raise the risk level significantly for a woman predisposed to falling in love with someone else. She herself has raised this red flag several times! Based on that, you might consider having a deeper discussion with her about this and what the plan will be. Some here cut ties with the man as soon as this is identified. Others openly discuss it very openly and manage it.

With her struggling to discuss some aspects of the LS with you - kind of a shyness - I wonder if she could actually discuss falling in love with someone else with you in real time or if it would be too late when it finally became obvious to you.

Sometimes NRE is impossible to discern from love. It will require that next level of communication that we all talk about to work through that. Something that the two of you need to work on IMO.

I'm glad that the two of you have started discussing these things and that you will continue to iron them out over the next several weeks prior to her next planned encounter. IMO, it is very important to get this done ahead of time.

Can you pleas share any details of your ground rules as they unfold and what areas she has complete autonomy?

Thanks!

XY

I agree this is the biggest potential red flag. She delved into it a bit more last night, looking for some additional clarification.

We went into the whole NRE concept, the time when a person (presumably her) is gaga over the new man and logic flies out the window. That one of the upsides of hotwife lifestyle is to enjoy this NRE without it overwhelming, and without it blinding what may be happening on a deeper level. We both agree it's a difficult balance and represents a lot of risk. She said perhaps it's not worth proceeding, given this risk. I said that we are adults, no longer 16 yrs old, and are more able to discern, communicate, and trust each other.

Also observed that she is presently starting the lifestyle with Mr. S who is not really one to fall in love with, in that he's not available for that (both geographically and personally). This unavailability is a control rod on this moving too fast; in fact, it forces her/us to move more slowly and to have weeks for discussion and reflection. She also noted that he doesn't seem as "into her" as she was expecting, and (between you and me) she is adjusting to it.

It's my thinking that she doesn't realize it, but Mr. S is turning out to be just the right guy. He isn't providing all the soft emotional connection that SW seems to have expected, which is disappointing to her, but she nonetheless persists in the plan to get together in November. She said it seems he merely wants a fuck buddy and that's not necessarily what she was looking to become. Yet she persists in holding to the plan to see him. Whether she says it or not, she seems to be easing herself into that friends-with-benefits scenario.

I say this because my hopes are that she continues to "dip her toe in hotwife water" now that she did it once and apparently liked it, and is going back for another dip or two or three. Likes it enough to move forward and to accept a situation where it's more about the sex and physical relationship than the emotional "love" relationship. The outcome here appears to be that she learns to bifurcate these, the physical and emotional. If we are able to get to that point, then the risk of love and emotional attachment is markedly reduced. The goal here is for her to embrace that she is a beautiful, sexy and powerful woman, in charge of her body and in control of how she addresses men, etc. while continuing to be in a committed marital relationship, which relationship remains the priority and is protected along the journey.

[Mark K]

New image coming today in the Hotties section, of her reprising the "getting ready" from last weekend.

Oh?! Well, that is indeed unexpected.

[solstice]

Slenderfish writes: It was an afternoon/evening of reconnecting. She pulled me out of my office at around 3:00 p.m. and announced to me that my business day is complete and now it's time to catch up and reconnect.

Does she often display, her "I'm in charge personality", but then why would you complain?

[slenderfish]

I've been reading this thread and the developments with intrigue!
I'm a 39 yo F from the UK. My fiancé confessed his HW fantasy to me a little over 2 months ago and as such we are embarking on our own journey.
What I've found so fascinating about this thread is to hear the male perspective from many other husband's of hotwives or who are otherwise involved in the LS and to also compare our journey to SW's thought process/approach.
Keep sharing SF!

Thanks for the follow and the shout-out!

[NewVixenHW]

I've been reading this thread and the developments with intrigue!
I'm a 39 yo F from the UK. My fiancé confessed his HW fantasy to me a little over 2 months ago and as such we are embarking on our own journey.
What I've found so fascinating about this thread is to hear the male perspective from many other husband's of hotwives or who are otherwise involved in the LS and to also compare our journey to SW's thought process/approach.
Keep sharing SF!

Thanks for the follow and the shout-out!

You're welcome! Can't wait to read more!
We seem to have approached the step into the HW LS in a completely different way so it's really interesting to read your story.
For me, I specifically don't want a "connection" so to speak, certainly while I take the first steps into the lifestyle. My fiancé and I are the ones with the connection and as such we're having our first experiences in the LS with casual "just sex" contacts who we don't know in 'normal' life and my fiancé is present during the whole experience from helping me to get ready, right the way through eveything. Our first experience of reclaim sex was immediate and mind blowing!

[solstice]

slenderfish writes: It's my thinking that she doesn't realize it, but Mr. S is turning out to be just the right guy.

As long as he does not convey the mistaken attitude that slendewife is available at his bidding, these are delicate times for the lady, and she will not want to feel taken for granted.

[slenderfish]

slenderfish writes: It's my thinking that she doesn't realize it, but Mr. S is turning out to be just the right guy.

As long as he does not convey the mistaken attitude that slendewife is available at his bidding, these are delicate times for the lady, and she will not want to feel taken for granted.

And there's the rub, the fine line. We will see over the next handful of days if he "flubs" it again by being just too damn aloof. We will also see how much rope SW is willing to give him before he hangs himself.

[slenderfish]

Slenderfish writes: It was an afternoon/evening of reconnecting. She pulled me out of my office at around 3:00 p.m. and announced to me that my business day is complete and now it's time to catch up and reconnect.

Does she often display, her "I'm in charge personality", but then why would you complain?

Once in a blue moon, as they say. Just enough that it's compelling and can be hot.

[slenderfish]

New image coming today in the Hotties section, of her reprising the "getting ready" from last weekend.

Oh?! Well, that is indeed unexpected.

I posted the image. This came up during our conversation of little things she can do, which are in actuality almost nothing for her to provide, yet they have a lot of value to me.

I may have overplayed it, but I pointed to my little request on Sunday before she started getting ready, to provide an image of herself prior to going out (selfie) or for him to take on her phone, which she could then quietly send over to me. She agreed, even though we both know she hates it. To be honest, I was a bit timid in asking, and was pleasantly surprised at her agreeing to it.

Of course, she never got around to it and was a bit sheepish when I asked about it when she returned home.

Yesterday during our long conversation, I pointed out that it was effectively a poke in my eye that she blew it off in such an offhanded way. I even said I wonder if it is a "fuck you" at some level, that she might want to do some introspection on it.

She said that she didn't mean to disappoint but at the same time figured I'd understand that it's just not her preference.

Later when we talked about little things being big things, depending on where you sit, and that I want to feel more a part of it (for my sake) but that I understand she wants her independence while it's going down (for her sake). Therefore, little things she can do. The image is one of them.

She said she understands and will make it a priority in the future. In the meantime, I now have an image (a make-good) that I posted in the Hotties section.

BTW I also have the same exact image/pose of her completely naked but that's not permitted for posting on OHW or anywhere.

[kaskap79]

BTW I also have the same exact image/pose of her completely naked but that's not permitted for posting on OHW or anywhere.

That is not fair mentioning you have a picture of your like that but nude.

I will say that you are cruel to the rest of us.

[XYAlpha]

BTW I also have the same exact image/pose of her completely naked but that's not permitted for posting on OHW or anywhere.

That is not fair mentioning you have a picture of your like that but nude.

I will say that you are cruel to the rest of us.

Does that mean he just "Cucked" us???





XY

[slenderfish]

Aww, not trying to be cruel, but to add fire to the imagination! I am an optimist and think there may be just a glimmer of hope that she gives permission to post some non-identifying images of artistic, tasteful nudes.

For example, of her leaning over the vanity getting ready for a date, with her legs and ass on display.

[whenwillshe]

slenderfish writes: It's my thinking that she doesn't realize it, but Mr. S is turning out to be just the right guy.

As long as he does not convey the mistaken attitude that slendewife is available at his bidding, these are delicate times for the lady, and she will not want to feel taken for granted.

And there's the rub, the fine line. We will see over the next handful of days if he "flubs" it again by being just too damn aloof. We will also see how much rope SW is willing to give him before he hangs himself.

He may just hang himself.
On the other hand, if he doesn't and soon communicates, I think it imperative the SW convey that he is part of a unique arrangement between 3 people where he has been chosen to enjoy her company because she and you are in agreement.

[Rocketfailure]

We revisited the concept of what it means to me to have a hotwife, and what I expect to get out of it. My general answer:

1) She should enjoy herself and achieve more feminine power, self assurance, and good sex. That her happiness in this will make me happy. The only way I can know about this is if she communicates it to me, either along the way in real time, or shortly thereafter (as she may prefer).

2) I need to be able to share in her happiness, via her communicating with me "just enough" along the way that I can know how she is doing and I can loosely track from afar (even out of state). Example, her text message on Sunday that "it's on" was to me a confirmation that her date was going to go as planned, etc. and that was sufficient for me to be able to track in my mind what they were likely doing throughout the evening. Turns out I did this and was quite accurate, after describing it to her. At the same time, if there is a major change to plan, I'd like her to let me know. She said she naturally chafes against any implication of my trying to insert myself, and I understand that, but it's not my intention to insert but rather just be slightly aware. We agreed to discuss this element more, and she agreed to provide periodic timely updates.

3) The reclaim. I more fully explained how the hotwife represents a trophy to me, in that she is beautiful, sexy, alluring, and but of course another man (men) would want to partake of her gifts. I am proud of her and like the concept of her sharing these gifts with someone she selects and deems deserving. She is giving herself over to another man, who almost takes "ownership" of her both conceptually and physically. Once back home, his imprint remains on her (in her) until I have a chance to reclaim her conceptually (via the conversation/download of events) and physically (via sexual encounter). Until the reclaim, she kind of remains "his" woman. This is how I look at it.

As a bull, I'm still puzzled by some things:

1 - She doesn't want to play locally right? Something about it being too close to home? But she'll get on a plane and fly to another time zone to play, but in the same city/town as her family? That doesn't concern her...or you? Just curious...I mean...usually (at least in my experience) couples don't want to risk being found out by relatives. If a girlfriend or two finds out along the way...it can get weird of course...sometimes...and sometimes it opens up a whole new thing. But she's doing sleepovers with relatives in the same hotel she's later fucking Mr. S, and that's not an issue for her? What if the relatives pop by?

Funny...and related...(ha ha) story - a couple years ago a couple I was seeing had a family wedding they were attending in Detroit. The wife was going to be a bridesmaid in her younger sister's wedding. The couple and I all lived in the Chicago area at the time, and her husband had worked up this whole fantasy where he wanted to pretend he would "catch her" fucking me in a hotel, and then join in the fun. This was new for them. She'd never played with him present. You get the idea. So they paid for my travel, and I was to meet up with them in Detroit after the wedding. I have friends in Detroit, so for me it was a free trip and some fucking. So why not? They left a day ahead of me to do some sightseeing in Michigan and attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, and on their drive from Chicago to Detroit, they apparently got so turned on anticipating the weekend, by the time they arrived, they decided they wanted to skip the role-play, and instead wanted me to fuck her raw with him present, so he could clean her up right after I came, and then reclaim her. Game changer for them. A big jump in their activities, which up to that point had been all condoms and her meeting me privately, but sending photos and video, followed by her quickly heading home to him. She told me they got through the rehearsal and dinner, and then headed back to the hotel where he started begging her to let him fuck her "one last time" before I got to go bare in her...but she denied him, and on top of that, wouldn't let him nut at all. So he's got blue-balls something fierce, and from what she told me later, she edged herself in front of him the rest of the night just to make him miserable (and herself more horny), until they finally fell into restless sleep.

So the next day I got to town around noon, the day of the wedding. I texted them I had arrived in the area, and they asked me to come over immediately. I got there - and she is ready to go. Her clit/labia was so engorged from her edging for so long, her bare pussy looked kinda like one of those red assed baboons. It was a sight! And he's climbing the walls. Just vibrating with anticipation with what he thinks is about to unfold. So she dropped to her knees, pulled out my cock, and just as she was about to start sucking, she told him to leave. And he was devastated. Crushed. He wasn't going to see any of it. And he still wasn't going to get to nut. But he dutifully split. Went downstairs to the bar. So we get right to it. And I've got that fabled bull stamina, and I'd been sitting for hours driving, so I had energy to burn. And she was SO turned on from all the anticipation, her inhibitions were gone. I fucked her mouth, pussy, AND ass (also new to her menu)..and after an hour or so of intense raw fucking, I finally nut. And it's a mess. She's a mess. Makeup (which she'd already started to put on for the wedding...and me) was all over her face. Raccoon eyes - smeared lipstick, the works. Handprints were all over her ass from me spanking her, and she was leaking cum and soaked from both it and everything she squirted cumming on me. Then there was a knock at the door. We both assumed it was her husband, and she asked me to get it. Her legs were shot and she was still coming down. I opened the door without checking the peep-hole, and keep in mind, I was nude and still pretty hard and my dick and balls were wet from the wife. I'm thinking I'm going to greet the husband with a grin and welcome him in to do his cleanup work, only to be greeted by an older woman, probably in her late 50's, early 60's. And she sees me, and just stands there, staring at my dick with her mouth open. Then (as comedian Patton Oswalt called it) she got hit with "a nose full of fuck fumes" that came wafting from the bedroom into the hall from the debauchery that had just finished not more than a couple minutes earlier. Her face twisted up, she took a step back, looked at the room number on the wall, and then back at my dick. Said, "I am SO sorry, I must have the wrong room" and then turned around and walked back to the elevator without looking back. And here's where it gets complicated: Turns out the woman I was fucking had turned the ringer off on her phone. Unbeknownst to her, the family had bumped the wedding photos to earlier in the afternoon due to rain moving into the area, and since neither she or her husband had answered their phones, her Mom stopped by to check in and make sure everything was OK and tell them the new plans and hurry them over to the wedding venue. So I went back and crawled into bed, and when the wife asked me who it was, I said "some older woman, said she had the wrong room." Which in the moment, we both found funny. Apparently as this was happening, the Mom was running into the Husband down in the lobby, (her leaving the hotel and him coming up to check on us) and pretty quickly everything hit the fan. Pandemonium. I split as my being there wasn't going to help anything and enjoyed the rest of my weekend with friends. The couple pulled it together and went to the wedding and had to deal with the family fallout, which they successfully hid from the sister and her new husband so as not to ruin their day...but apparently once the new couple left the reception, the shit hit the fan with the parents, etc. They didn't stick with the lifestyle long after that, and once his job transferred him to Wichita, I never heard from them again.) So yeah - playing near family can have it's pitfalls, to say the least.

2 - I get it that you're eager for this to work, and put a lot of time and effort into planning. But you're still putting your very new to this wife on a plane to go fuck a guy in another time zone. Even if this next time out goes like she's hoping mentally and emotionally, if this ends up being the only way she'll play for the foreseeable future, you've willingly removed yourself from the equation on so many levels that all you're going to get out of this is scraps. She's dominating the dynamic and experience, and living a physical/emotional life separate from you that has the benefit of being in a different time zone while it's happening. You end up a distant afterthought. You get what you get when she wants to share, and you have to be happy with it. Which, if I remember correctly, you posted a while back that you'd hoped to see her bouncing on a dick (or something like that), and possibly participating. And now you're just trying to negotiate for a simple text telling you that her dinner plans have changed and photos of her getting ready for her date. That's a pretty low bar.

3 - The reclaim - so (again in my experience) - almost all the reclaiming I've ever witnessed has been either immediate or very soon after. I'm pulling out and the husband or boyfriend is right there ready to go...or I'm finishing for the last time and by the time I hit the shower, she's getting dressed and heading home to give her guy his "gift" and the reclaim. If either of these things are part of what you're hoping for, you're either going to have to do a lot of traveling to try and partake in her afterglow, or you're going to have to start telling her now, exactly what your long game is with all this, and how you want to see it play out closer to home - while also explaining to her how the dynamic of her "enjoying herself, achieve more feminine power, self assurance, and good sex" is part of that in your eyes. And maybe all that is obvious - but I see guys make this mistake and try and push this as "female empowerment" to get their women on board- when (in reality) for the majority of men it's a very unique kink with maybe some female empowerment as a byproduct. If honesty is truly the best policy, and ultimately you're hoping to eat some dudes load out of her while she tells you the details of how it got there, (or whatever you're really hoping for) sooner or later you're going to need to fess up and lay it out as clearly as you've laid out the plans to get her sitting on new dick.

Lastly, If I seem overly critical, it's not my intention. Believe it or not, it's because to whatever extent the anonymous internet affords, I care. I've been doing this long enough that I've just seen so many guys fumble early aspects of the lifestyle, (that are really hard to undo if they go sideways) and something about your story just struck a nerve. Ultimately, you'll do whatever you think is best, of course...and I know there's plenty of guys that'd just as soon "high five" you and claim this all as victory because it actually happened and on some level your goal was achieved. Fair enough...but you strike me as someone that really tries to see all the angles. I'm simply trying to give you some other perspective to consider while you're both still getting your sea legs in all this. (And to the guy who messaged me privately for advice, apparently I can't respond yet because I've not interacted enough on the boards. Some sort of board rule I guess. But I see the message and will respond if/when the system lets me.)

Alex

[afagehi7]

No matter the situation, boyfriend, Fwb, etc it's never appropriate to not communicate with the female. Keep her hanging out there a bit can increase the desire (eg always wait a day or two after a date) but not responding after a couple of days without damn good reason isn't cool. Even if he didn't want her again they're still acquaintances from their former life not some bar slut so he does owe her at least a "had a great time but I think I'm going to focus on the relationship with my GF" response.

It's never ok to not respond to a female you've bedded.

[Sophie]

I've been reading this thread and the developments with intrigue!
I'm a 39 yo F from the UK. My fiancé confessed his HW fantasy to me a little over 2 months ago and as such we are embarking on our own journey.
What I've found so fascinating about this thread is to hear the male perspective from many other husband's of hotwives or who are otherwise involved in the LS and to also compare our journey to SW's thought process/approach.
Keep sharing SF!

NewVixenHW, Welcome to OHW.

You know there is a Verified Hot Wife (VHW) section, that is really helpful and has plenty of information and advice.

Only Ladies are allowed to join.

Sophie.

[Long Lurker 34]

Slenderfish

Having read about Mrs Sf's reluctance regarding picture taking around hotwifing activities, which I can understand. I wonder if she is one of those people who in general is not fond of having their picture taken?