Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Liese]

Another quick question for girls: do you like anal sex? It seems painful, thats the reason for my question. Thanks!

For me, anal play can be a delight when everything is 'just right' and I've had plenty of warm up, and lots of lube. But even then I prefer a gentle finger or slim toy or plug over a cock sliding in and out back there. I've tried DP 3 times, and once was amazing, once started great, ended up rather uncomfortable, and the 3rd time was just no fun. I might try it again, might not.

When it's great, it's SUPER great. When it starts to get uncomfortable, it's done.

[2inUPMichigan]

Please remember that the thread is to be answered by VHW'S only. (All others posts will be deleted)
Consider this an advice column instead of a discussion thread - because that is what it is.

If you are replying to a question or responding to an answer please try to quote that post to keep the sequence of comments easy to understand. (Hopefully that made sense)

Please do not change the subject line of this thread!
(It saves me some time from having to edit your posts)

Thank you - have a great day everyone!

A huge shout out to all the wonderful VHW'S that give such awesome answers to the questions in this thread!
So glad you are all here and willing to contribute!! ❤❤❤

[marriedman50]

What is the best way for dealing with HWs developing feelings for your lovers? Do you embrace it and accept it as a natural part of the lifestyle (and how does it affect your feelings towards your partner), or do you try to use strategies that reduce the opportunity for developing deeper feelings (for example by having multiple lovers at the same time)? How do you and your partner/husband deal with the HW developing a romantic attachment to a lover?

[Farmgirl]

What is the best way for dealing with HWs developing feelings for your lovers? Do you embrace it and accept it as a natural part of the lifestyle (and how does it affect your feelings towards your partner), or do you try to use strategies that reduce the opportunity for developing deeper feelings (for example by having multiple lovers at the same time)? How do you and your partner/husband deal with the HW developing a romantic attachment to a lover?

When it happened to me back in the beginning, it caused a lot of heartache. I stopped seeing the guy, my marriage was more important. That was a good learning experience and I came away knowing what to recognize going forward.
While I love my regulars, I don't fall in love with them. I know the difference. Having more than one guy is a good thing, but you can be fine with only one guy as long as you keep looking rather than just settling on one.
The mindset that I'm not monogamous, especially to another guy, is important. I tell them that I won't be monogamous to them, we are not a couple.
The ones that would rather believe I'm cheating, I fully explain that I'm happily married and absolutely not looking for romance, just good hot sex. When you're afraid to explain these things, you leave yourself open to problems.

[2inUPMichigan]

What is the best way for dealing with HWs developing feelings for your lovers? Do you embrace it and accept it as a natural part of the lifestyle (and how does it affect your feelings towards your partner), or do you try to use strategies that reduce the opportunity for developing deeper feelings (for example by having multiple lovers at the same time)? How do you and your partner/husband deal with the HW developing a romantic attachment to a lover?

I put in some safeguards in the beginning that I hope will head off any deeper feelings developing. Of course I expect to develop a friendship with any man that I play with because I am only looking for long term situations.

Before we started looking for potential candidates I told hubby that I had some guidelines I wanted to implement -
1)never be exclusive with any man I played with
2)no more than once a month with the same man
3) no more than one play date in a week

I do text the men I play with but I do not talk to them on the phone except for rare occasions and then only when I indicate that I want to talk to them. In other words I let them know they are not free to call me. Texting does not interrupt my time with hubby because I can answer them when I have the time, phone calls can be intrusive. (My take on it)

I love my husband. I have shared my life with him. These men share but a brief moment in time with me, not the day to day struggles. They aren't there through the good times and bad - there just isn't a comparison. Great sex is awesome but it doesn't complete me.

The suggestion that I would actually fall for one of these men to the point that I would leave my husband completely underestimates and undervalues my commitment and my love for my husband.

[marriedman50]

Farmgirl and 2inUP - thank you for your (as always) thoughtful answers. It's always struck me as a difficult circle to square, how you can get the emotional connection that I know my wife would need without risking it developing into something that could interfere with your marriage. It sounds to me that the most important thing is for the HW to be very clear to herself about drawing boundaries? What would you say is the best way for the husband to help her with this, beyond communication and support? I am prepared for feelings developing occasionally as long as they can be kept in check.

[SirWalter]

I am new to OHW, but my wife and I have talked about the lifestyle for some time. She is definitely into it, but taking the next step is the challenge. Any suggestions on how to start the playing? Soft steps to get the ball rolling?

[Farmgirl]

Farmgirl and 2inUP - thank you for your (as always) thoughtful answers. It's always struck me as a difficult circle to square, how you can get the emotional connection that I know my wife would need without risking it developing into something that could interfere with your marriage. It sounds to me that the most important thing is for the HW to be very clear to herself about drawing boundaries? What would you say is the best way for the husband to help her with this, beyond communication and support? I am prepared for feelings developing occasionally as long as they can be kept in check.

I have and like long-term regulars. We have a connection, I love them or him, as the case may be. After all, they are close friends that I have sex with. It is on me to know that when I see him, he is a friend and that is all he will ever be. I know upfront that I have a wonderful husband and I'm not looking to replace him, why would I.
As far as the husband, it is communication and support, that is it in a nutshell. My Number1 has told me many times that his job is the be the husband that I want. Not the husband he thinks he is, but the husband I want and think he is.

[Farmgirl]

I am new to OHW, but my wife and I have talked about the lifestyle for some time. She is definitely into it, but taking the next step is the challenge. Any suggestions on how to start the playing? Soft steps to get the ball rolling?

My method is hunting in the wild, so that is what I can speak to. If she knows how to flirt, go to it. If she's a woman that doesn't know how to flirt (gosh, I can't believe some don't, but.....), learn how. Men love a woman that flirts, it attracts them like a magnet with metal shavings!
Not all men will want to take things further, and you may not want to take things further either, but it is huge fun for both of you. The more she practices, the more natural it is.

One of the other wives will have to cover the other way of hunting.

[SirWalter]

I am new to OHW, but my wife and I have talked about the lifestyle for some time. She is definitely into it, but taking the next step is the challenge. Any suggestions on how to start the playing? Soft steps to get the ball rolling?

My method is hunting in the wild, so that is what I can speak to. If she knows how to flirt, go to it. If she's a woman that doesn't know how to flirt (gosh, I can't believe some don't, but.....), learn how. Men love a woman that flirts, it attracts them like a magnet with metal shavings!
Not all men will want to take things further, and you may not want to take things further either, but it is huge fun for both of you. The more she practices, the more natural it is.

One of the other wives will have to cover the other way of hunting.

Thanks Farmgirl

[adamgunnauthor]

If she's a woman that doesn't know how to flirt learn how.

Do you have any suggestions where a woman would go to learn (or refresh) flirting techniques?

[Farmgirl]

If she's a woman that doesn't know how to flirt learn how.

Do you have any suggestions where a woman would go to learn (or refresh) flirting techniques?

Adam,
I started developing my techniques as a girl and had them down pat before I took my first job.
Like a lot of us, I read a few sites, one that might help is Bad Girls Bible dot com. A guy does the site but he gets some pretty fair info from some women .
If the info is for you or your wife, drop me a pm with a question and we can go from there. I'm not as good at instructing something as I am at answering questions.

[feetuji]

QUESTION:
The very first time you accepted to have sex with other guy, after the enthusiasm and after the sex, how did you feel next morning? I mean, when you fully realized "I did sex with other guy", did you feel some kind of weirdness/strangeness? Did you feel sad because thats something so out of the normal? Or were you ok? Or any other feelings, toughts...The bottom line is: I want to know if the first impact was good or bad, since this (cuck/HW lifestyle) is something completly different. Thanks (and hope I was clear in my question lol, writing in other language different from my native one is never easy).

[agentanonymous007]

Particularly for those women who came to this w/o much prior sexual experience

I have had a more voyeur-based hotwife fantasy for a while now. My wife is 43yo, 5'6, 130# 36A brunette. When we met (at age 32) she was still technically a virgin. This was not for any moral reasoning. She had an on and off boyfriend from high school to age 25 or so who was basically asexual. That led to to another 3-4 year relationship with a woman, who was also fairly asexual and an often temperamental drinker. Wife would have been willing to move to sex with boyfriend, he never pushed that forward. This means that her experience was limited to making out and some oral in her two relationships and a few other guys (3-4) in college.

My history is somewhat the opposite, we can leave it at that for now. She is the stereotype sweet girl next door type, claims that sex is not something she generally thinks about, but really enjoys sex in our marriage (3x/week or so).

So the question...given that I am the only partner she has had, and really her reference point for sex, there (on the one hand) seems to something unique and special about that. Would it be foolish to bring that to an end by going the hotwife route? What might you be thinking if you were in her shoes? What advice would you give to her? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
-AgentAnon007

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum agentanonymous007.

[Farmgirl]

Particularly for those women who came to this w/o much prior sexual experience

I have had a more voyeur-based hotwife fantasy for a while now. My wife is 43yo, 5'6, 130# 36A brunette. When we met (at age 32) she was still technically a virgin. This was not for any moral reasoning. She had an on and off boyfriend from high school to age 25 or so who was basically asexual. That led to to another 3-4 year relationship with a woman, who was also fairly asexual and an often temperamental drinker. Wife would have been willing to move to sex with boyfriend, he never pushed that forward. This means that her experience was limited to making out and some oral in her two relationships and a few other guys (3-4) in college.

My history is somewhat the opposite, we can leave it at that for now. She is the stereotype sweet girl next door type, claims that sex is not something she generally thinks about, but really enjoys sex in our marriage (3x/week or so).

So the question...given that I am the only partner she has had, and really her reference point for sex, there (on the one hand) seems to something unique and special about that. Would it be foolish to bring that to an end by going the hotwife route? What might you be thinking if you were in her shoes? What advice would you give to her? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
-AgentAnon007

What does she want to do? What does she think about it?

[agentanonymous007]

Particularly for those women who came to this w/o much prior sexual experience

I have had a more voyeur-based hotwife fantasy for a while now. My wife is 43yo, 5'6, 130# 36A brunette. When we met (at age 32) she was still technically a virgin. This was not for any moral reasoning. She had an on and off boyfriend from high school to age 25 or so who was basically asexual. That led to to another 3-4 year relationship with a woman, who was also fairly asexual and an often temperamental drinker. Wife would have been willing to move to sex with boyfriend, he never pushed that forward. This means that her experience was limited to making out and some oral in her two relationships and a few other guys (3-4) in college.

My history is somewhat the opposite, we can leave it at that for now. She is the stereotype sweet girl next door type, claims that sex is not something she generally thinks about, but really enjoys sex in our marriage (3x/week or so).

So the question...given that I am the only partner she has had, and really her reference point for sex, there (on the one hand) seems to something unique and special about that. Would it be foolish to bring that to an end by going the hotwife route? What might you be thinking if you were in her shoes? What advice would you give to her? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
-AgentAnon007

What does she want to do? What does she think about it?

Farmgirl- I haven't presented this to her in a Real serious way yet. I am still trying to find where I stand myself first. I am looking for different perspectives on how to think about this (both the male and female). To the extent we have talked about it in the past, her line of response has been "I am happy with what I have" That if I remember right was in response to a suggestion that she might enjoy a different style of sex and maybe someone more hung than me. (I am around 6.7" with average to maybe just below average girth maybe 4.8" circumference) I am glad she is happy, so is it crazy to rock the boat or is there so much more she doesn't know she is missing?

[2inUPMichigan]

QUESTION:
The very first time you accepted to have sex with other guy, after the enthusiasm and after the sex, how did you feel next morning? I mean, when you fully realized "I did sex with other guy", did you feel some kind of weirdness/strangeness? Did you feel sad because thats something so out of the normal? Or were you ok? Or any other feelings, toughts...The bottom line is: I want to know if the first impact was good or bad, since this (cuck/HW lifestyle) is something completly different. Thanks (and hope I was clear in my question lol, writing in other language different from my native one is never easy).

I found myself just stunned thinking "I can't believe I did that!"
I was shocked because I really didn't have any intention on playing when I left to meet him. But everything lined up and it felt right at the moment so I went with my gut. Did I regret it? Not really but it took me a bit of time to process that I had actually done it.

I didn't have my next experience until almost 3 months later and that one turned into a once a month regular FWB that over 2 years later is still pretty hot

[2inUPMichigan]

Particularly for those women who came to this w/o much prior sexual experience

I have had a more voyeur-based hotwife fantasy for a while now. My wife is 43yo, 5'6, 130# 36A brunette. When we met (at age 32) she was still technically a virgin. This was not for any moral reasoning. She had an on and off boyfriend from high school to age 25 or so who was basically asexual. That led to to another 3-4 year relationship with a woman, who was also fairly asexual and an often temperamental drinker. Wife would have been willing to move to sex with boyfriend, he never pushed that forward. This means that her experience was limited to making out and some oral in her two relationships and a few other guys (3-4) in college.

My history is somewhat the opposite, we can leave it at that for now. She is the stereotype sweet girl next door type, claims that sex is not something she generally thinks about, but really enjoys sex in our marriage (3x/week or so).

So the question...given that I am the only partner she has had, and really her reference point for sex, there (on the one hand) seems to something unique and special about that. Would it be foolish to bring that to an end by going the hotwife route? What might you be thinking if you were in her shoes? What advice would you give to her? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
-AgentAnon007

What advice would I give her?

I would tell her that this choice isn't for everyone and that to be successful at this a couple needs to have a strong foundation with good communication skills.

In addition I would tell her that if she were to consider this big step she needs to make sure that her partner can handle the reality. That it is important to discuss both of your limitations and boundaries before taking that big step. This isn't a decision to be made quickly so take the time to think everything out. And above all if it turns you off do not agree to do it just for him!!

*****

Sexual experience has no bearing on who is more apt to become a hotwife.

Be prepared for the fact that you are asking your wife to not just have sex with another man. You are asking her to change herself from a monogamous woman to a non-monogamous woman.

This isn't just about a live porn show.

If she decides to do this you need to make sure this is what you want before you ask her and understand what you are asking her to do.

What if she has no interest in being watched? Now you have brought up the idea that you are turned on by the idea of her with other men.

Lots to think about.

[feetuji]

QUESTION:
The very first time you accepted to have sex with other guy, after the enthusiasm and after the sex, how did you feel next morning? I mean, when you fully realized "I did sex with other guy", did you feel some kind of weirdness/strangeness? Did you feel sad because thats something so out of the normal? Or were you ok? Or any other feelings, toughts...The bottom line is: I want to know if the first impact was good or bad, since this (cuck/HW lifestyle) is something completly different. Thanks (and hope I was clear in my question lol, writing in other language different from my native one is never easy).

I found myself just stunned thinking "I can't believe I did that!"
I was shocked because I really didn't have any intention on playing when I left to meet him. But everything lined up and it felt right at the moment so I went with my gut. Did I regret it? Not really but it took me a bit of time to process that I had actually done it.

I didn't have my next experience until almost 3 months later and that one turned into a once a month regular FWB that over 2 years later is still pretty hot

Can we post a simple thanks in this topic or do you prefer not that (due to keep the forum more clean for example)?
Anyway thanks for answering my other question, its really a unique thing having a open woman answering hard questions

[2inUPMichigan]

QUESTION:
The very first time you accepted to have sex with other guy, after the enthusiasm and after the sex, how did you feel next morning? I mean, when you fully realized "I did sex with other guy", did you feel some kind of weirdness/strangeness? Did you feel sad because thats something so out of the normal? Or were you ok? Or any other feelings, toughts...The bottom line is: I want to know if the first impact was good or bad, since this (cuck/HW lifestyle) is something completly different. Thanks (and hope I was clear in my question lol, writing in other language different from my native one is never easy).

I found myself just stunned thinking "I can't believe I did that!"
I was shocked because I really didn't have any intention on playing when I left to meet him. But everything lined up and it felt right at the moment so I went with my gut. Did I regret it? Not really but it took me a bit of time to process that I had actually done it.

I didn't have my next experience until almost 3 months later and that one turned into a once a month regular FWB that over 2 years later is still pretty hot

Can we post a simple thanks in this topic or do you prefer not that (due to keep the forum more clean for example)?
Anyway thanks for answering my other question, its really a unique thing having a open woman answering hard questions

You can of course respond to a VHW that answers your question

[Farmgirl]

Farmgirl- I haven't presented this to her in a Real serious way yet. I am still trying to find where I stand myself first. I am looking for different perspectives on how to think about this (both the male and female). To the extent we have talked about it in the past, her line of response has been "I am happy with what I have" That if I remember right was in response to a suggestion that she might enjoy a different style of sex and maybe someone more hung than me. (I am around 6.7" with average to maybe just below average girth maybe 4.8" circumference) I am glad she is happy, so is it crazy to rock the boat or is there so much more she doesn't know she is missing?

She might not want a man "more hung" than you, that could be all in your head. I don't look for a man "more hung" than my husband.
The only way to find out is for the two of you to talk, in the light of day. Otherwise, how can you or she know what the other wants? It does take a lot of real trust and intimacy for most wives to do this, and for it to work, you both need that trust and intimacy.
If you don't trust enough to openly talk about this and to listen to each other, then how would you trust each other enough to enter into consensual non-monogamy?

[Anabolic99]

Hotwives: which do you prefer from your cuck. Sloppy (silky) seconds or creampie cleanup?

[2inUPMichigan]

Hotwives: which do you prefer from your cuck. Sloppy (silky) seconds or creampie cleanup?

Welcome to OHW Anabolic99

My answer is:
Neither since I always insist on condoms, and I would never refer to my hubby as a cuck

We aren't all the same so I'm sure one of the VHW'S that prefer one or the other will notice your question and answer it for you

[Dzs1653]

Do you consider your husband to be a cuckold? If so, do you subscribe to this site's definition of that word, namely that it implies a femdom dynamic? Or, do you call him that simply because he approves of your being with other men? Maybe I was a few seconds late with my question, since 2inUP has already answered. Farmgirl? Anyone else?