How many people are having problems finding lovers

[ElleDFWHW]

Iris, I agree totally with you.
It is tiring sometimes. I always go back to the same motto: It's not hard to find someone to have sex with...... but its really hard to find someone you WANT to have GREAT sex with! It does get to be a pain, and sooooo difficult weeding thru the flakes, wastes so much time on everyone's part, I sometimes wonder "how did I get here" - "why am I doing this" ---- thought this would be EASY!!!!
Just because we are considered a HW, some men (not all) must think its just a shortcut way for them to get laid and then can't decide whether they truly want to go thru with it. Its crazy stupid!
Its probably not that hard if the "sex" is all you are looking for, nothing wrong with that at all - but for some of us, its more. We don't want nor are we interested in "one nite stands" and there is more involved in what we want individually. Its really hard to find "that person"!!!! But THEN, when you find an AMAZING guy (or two), a really great guy that treats you like the sexy HW you are and understands the whole scenario and meets all the requirements specific to what YOU are looking for, well, WOW ! You realize how difficult it was to find him, how much fun and how great it is when all the stars align......
In my "humble opinion" very hard to do!!!!! Hang in there !!!!

[fastracer911]

*Sigh* This can be so much fun when it's good and just such a pain in the ass when it is so much work.

Just remember, if you think sex is a pain in the ass, you are doing it wrong...

[wookinponub]

Quality. Not quantity.

[Iris777]

I agree with quality, not quantity, but there is also the issue of sorting wheat from chaff, kissing lots of frogs, however you want to put it. The fact is that I like to play more frequently than my two wonderful local guys are available. The non-local ones are one or two guys I see about 2-3 times a year. Aynsley is more comfortable if there are a few local guys to work with. I have been looking for quite a while for the right person to fit the position (all pun intended) but nothing every seems to pan out. Most of the time, I enjoy it, but right now, I've burned out a bit on the search. So I have decided to stop for a little while and refocus on a few other things that are more importtant to me. I'm not stopping playing, just stopping the search for a while.

[Hotwife_Mustang]

Most of the time, I enjoy it, but right now, I've burned out a bit on the search. So I have decided to stop for a little while and refocus on a few other things that are more importtant to me. I'm not stopping playing, just stopping the search for a while.

I completely understand. Right now, we have our dating site active, and it's exhausting sorting through folks, and trying to find time for a cup of coffee or a drink. I've worked some long days in the last 3 weeks (longest was 16 hours) and trying to fit these guys in to even meet face to face is a challenge. We have three in a "holding pattern" who all have promise - I hope they don't go away before we can carve out time to meet. In our situation, we don't have the flexibility to meet during the day, so if the guy can't arrange to meet after work, or on the weekend, they need to move on.

Take a break, Iris. You can turn the profiles back on when you have the emotional energy.

[vancuck]

I think if your patient and let her decide on possible lovers your success rates will improve. It took us 3 years for her to find a guy she wanted to play with. We gave up on our online ads, as we would have to sort through dozens of messages, and only responded to a few ads that we felt the poster was compatable with us. She has found a great guy and possible LTL. More than worth the wait.

Funny thing. Her BF texted me a couple of times while I wrote this.

[cum4me2]

To say it's complicated is an understatement, we went front five guys to none in less than six months. A couple were from out of state and just made continuing or regular playing impossible. That said one of the two will be around tomorrow, so there's a chance we will meet with him if all works out. The other, our longest and one of our first playmates it's just impossible to keep it going. The two we meet off CL was a pretty good thing for about a year or so before losing interest in playing. The one actually used the lamest of excuses saying his feelings got hurt when he saw a ad I ran... Duh your looking so why can't we, especially since he basically feel off the face of the earth for months and that's with both of us reaching out to him. The last one has been the most consistant but still can't seem to manage anything close to regular which is what we'd prefer, maybe that's just not a practical thing to hope for. So once again we are going to strike out and see what's there to be seen... To be honest at this point I would be happy to settle for one, maybe two steady bfs that she has chemistry with and sees on a regular and screw(ok bad choice of words)everyone else! I should also say finding guys isn't the problem, there are plenty of swinging dicks out there that will happily fuck another man's wife. But as some have said already, finding quality guys over the quanity of guys that's out there...now that is the difficult part.

[Cdncuck]

It's like anything else. Sometimes you do better other times not so much.

[4everLearning]

Looks like a resurrected old thread but thought I would respond anyway.

We have found a few, all have been fun so far. It has definitely proven a major obstacle for us though. We live outside of a small town in the mountains. Busy lives but also three children so while she can play most nights it is hard to find people who can fit into what works for us, which is having people over to our place at night.

I really wanted to comment on the quality of people who contact her though. As a few in this thread mentioned, no wonder many of these guys are single. We talked about this awhile before it finally happened and we always knew our location would be a big hindrance but some of things we have seen are just weird.

LOL, is this atleast in part what is is like for a women to try to find a good man? My wife has been somewhat sheltered from this. She prefers I find the guys. (although shes getting increasingly flirtatious irl so only a matter of time before she finds some herself directly) This seems to screen her prospective partners even more, but we figure if someone is so freaked out that I was the one finding guys for her then they might not be equipped emotionally anyway to please her with me there or joining. It isnt like we ask much before she talks to them, she wants to see pictures to see if shes attracted, and then talk to them herself on the phone. Actually some guys talk to her right off if they message us and have pics and she liked them. Never hear from me in message form at all.

LOL, actually this was the first issue that ever made either of us wish we lived in a more populated area. We like our mountain in the middle of nowhere, but it isnt ideal for an insatiable hotwife, thats for sure.

[Mia]

Looks like a resurrected old thread but thought I would respond anyway.

We have found a few, all have been fun so far. It has definitely proven a major obstacle for us though. We live outside of a small town in the mountains. Busy lives but also three children so while she can play most nights it is hard to find people who can fit into what works for us, which is having people over to our place at night.

I really wanted to comment on the quality of people who contact her though. As a few in this thread mentioned, no wonder many of these guys are single. We talked about this awhile before it finally happened and we always knew our location would be a big hindrance but some of things we have seen are just weird.

LOL, is this atleast in part what is is like for a women to try to find a good man? My wife has been somewhat sheltered from this. She prefers I find the guys. (although shes getting increasingly flirtatious irl so only a matter of time before she finds some herself directly) This seems to screen her prospective partners even more, but we figure if someone is so freaked out that I was the one finding guys for her then they might not be equipped emotionally anyway to please her with me there or joining. It isnt like we ask much before she talks to them, she wants to see pictures to see if shes attracted, and then talk to them herself on the phone. Actually some guys talk to her right off if they message us and have pics and she liked them. Never hear from me in message form at all.

LOL, actually this was the first issue that ever made either of us wish we lived in a more populated area. We like our mountain in the middle of nowhere, but it isnt ideal for an insatiable hotwife, thats for sure.

Welcome to OHW, 4everLearning.



Mia

[hedonistcouple]

We could find any number of men quite easily at swingers clubs (when they eventually reopen after Covid) but my wife has no interest in the premeditated type of meets that the swinging scene provides as we have done these in the past and she's not aroused by them any more.

She wants the excitement of a spontaneous connection with a man flirting with her in 'real life' but although she's found a few men she's attracted to and who have showed an interest in her, we've found it incredibly difficult to make that next step where she makes them aware she's available and they hit on her.

I think part of the problem is that catch-22 where she is an extremely attractive soccer-mom type, with a long established marriage, home and kids and lyfestyle but with a stag & vixen kink that we keep hidden to protect ourselves and family.

[Tryagain]

Good luck in finding a good guy by flirting with a stranger ! how many hours per day per week per month can you devote to this? We have trouble finding the right guys from dozens who respond to our ads and who she can spend only 30 minutes getting acquainted with.

I mean we go for quantity of opportunities and still have trouble. I do not believe 99% of these stories where you meet the guy in a bar and end up in a hotel room AND have satisfying sex. BS - or you will fuck anybody you meet regardless.

[Her number1]

Good luck in finding a good guy by flirting with a stranger ! how many hours per day per week per month can you devote to this? We have trouble finding the right guys from dozens who respond to our ads and who she can spend only 30 minutes getting acquainted with.

I mean we go for quantity of opportunities and still have trouble. I do not believe 99% of these stories where you meet the guy in a bar and end up in a hotel room AND have satisfying sex. BS - or you will fuck anybody you meet regardless.

I think you're missing some of it. My wife has always met her men by flirting when she is just out and about, as she calls it. Some women just naturally have a gift for flirting or they, like mine, learn it as a young woman and put it to good use.
Women have been doing that for centuries before "ads" were available. It floors me that so many have to use "ads" rather than the centuries-old female way.

[LawyerWouldbeCuckold]

Looks like a resurrected old thread but thought I would respond anyway.

We have found a few, all have been fun so far. It has definitely proven a major obstacle for us though. We live outside of a small town in the mountains. Busy lives but also three children so while she can play most nights it is hard to find people who can fit into what works for us, which is having people over to our place at night.

I really wanted to comment on the quality of people who contact her though. As a few in this thread mentioned, no wonder many of these guys are single. We talked about this awhile before it finally happened and we always knew our location would be a big hindrance but some of things we have seen are just weird.

LOL, is this atleast in part what is is like for a women to try to find a good man? My wife has been somewhat sheltered from this. She prefers I find the guys. (although shes getting increasingly flirtatious irl so only a matter of time before she finds some herself directly) This seems to screen her prospective partners even more, but we figure if someone is so freaked out that I was the one finding guys for her then they might not be equipped emotionally anyway to please her with me there or joining. It isnt like we ask much before she talks to them, she wants to see pictures to see if shes attracted, and then talk to them herself on the phone. Actually some guys talk to her right off if they message us and have pics and she liked them. Never hear from me in message form at all.

LOL, actually this was the first issue that ever made either of us wish we lived in a more populated area. We like our mountain in the middle of nowhere, but it isnt ideal for an insatiable hotwife, thats for sure.

I heard that. I loved small towns when I was in early adulthood; I just didn't like big cities, and I was lucky enough to live in either large-but-not-very large cities, or suburbs of large cities. Now that I'm older, I find myself needing more options than what a small town can provide.

[Des 31]

With experience and access to meeting others through work and social activities, wives should not have that much trouble. Without any of those, we're sure it's more difficult.

The easiest way for any couples new at this to find men for their wives is to post an ad at a reliable hookup website (Ashley Madison is one.) Including a photo (not necessarily showing the wife's face but at least her body, which need not be nude) receives more responses than those without photos.

~ Des

[Andreilly]

We’ve had much better success as we’ve continued through the lifestyle and seen what worked for us and what didn’t as well as getting those flakes and ghosts (which will happen no matter how great your screening process is) but we’ve been able to eliminate most of it . I think considering that she’s been able to play 3-4 times a week on average and we’re usually finding 3-4 new quality singles or couples per month the system is working

First off paid lifestyle apps are the best way to find people . Some people swear by SLS and others by SDC but really depends on your geographic area . But the fact that they are paid cuts out a lot of fakes to begin with . We have a detailed / talking several paragraphs long of exactly what we look for. If it’s not a perfect match we don’t respond . The other persons profile needs the same detail they need updated pics of themselves and couples they have been with posted as well as references: certifications . It like a job interview. If we don’t see who you are , what you have to offer and proof of positive experience we’ll go into the next ‘candidate ‘ .

Once they have all that is screen the guy: girl/ couple for awhile. On initial contact we need phone numbers, live face and body pics and live vids doing an act or writing something down we ask for . I’ll go over what we look for ask more about them make sure everyone’s on the same page . If I think it’s a decent match Elena then chats them. It’s important that she vibe and have a connection but we don’t let people have access to her that can potentially waste her time so they have to deal with all the above first . After she’s chatted them a bit we look for any irregularity in what the person said make sure the answers are the same and we are all in agreement on boundaries etc

Then we try and meet . They’re responsible for getting the room if they aren’t comfortable hosting the first time which also keeps us from getting stuck with a hotel bill and really a guy is getting NSA sex with her . They can foot the bill of the hotel at the very least . This all takes about a week or so and then we agree on a time and day. If they can’t meet within a week we figure they aren’t going to be as accessible as we need and move into the next

Sure there are probably some good matches were missing out on by being so strict but we don’t want low effort individuals . She deserves
To have exactly what she’s looking for in a match and the people wanting to play need to realize in the end it’s about her pleasure and they follow the rules / needs of the primary

[Sub4her]

We could find any number of men quite easily at swingers clubs (when they eventually reopen after Covid) but my wife has no interest in the premeditated type of meets that the swinging scene provides as we have done these in the past and she's not aroused by them any more.

She wants the excitement of a spontaneous connection with a man flirting with her in 'real life' but although she's found a few men she's attracted to and who have showed an interest in her, we've found it incredibly difficult to make that next step where she makes them aware she's available and they hit on her.

I think part of the problem is that catch-22 where she is an extremely attractive soccer-mom type, with a long established marriage, home and kids and lyfestyle but with a stag & vixen kink that we keep hidden to protect ourselves and family.

She sounds just like my wife! She is not into this purely for sex...in fact, I would even go as far as saying that it's more important for her to find a guy that knows how to make her feel sexy and wanted...it's the build-up to sex and the chase she likes the most.

So with online dating it all just seems too prepackaged for her. She is a spontaneous woman and doesn't like the feeling of having any expectations when she meets a guy.

[Mgcouplemn]

No trouble at all, my wife finds someone she is interested in, she tells them openly about me liking to watch her having sex, if they are wanting to fuck her she tells me "he wants to have sex with me so tell him" and goes to the bathroom. I show him a little slide show I made on my phone with things about our relationship, what to expect, and the rules. If they agree to it all they fuck her while I watch and jerk off. Easy...

[FunCpl355]

For my wife, a "lover" is someone whom she can connect with mentally, physically and emotionally. Because of her being very picky in searching for that, it is that aspect that causes her (us) the most issue with finding someone for her. Most men are not willing to connect with her on that level. Most (not all) are really just interested in the physical aspect. The ones we found really aren't interested in "dating" her. They prefer to just hook up. And that becomes boring to her. She wants a relationship (she tends to be more poly as we progress with all of this) and most men we found do not want that. Personally I feel she would have more luck if she was just willing to hook up with different guys, but that isn't her style or her desire. And if I want to see her participate in this lifestyle, I have to do it her way....which is her desire to develop another relationship with a guy. Sometimes I think it's a losing proposition, but we hang in there because as I told her, you just never know unless you try.

There are a lot of good points being made in this thread but you two have posted the exact same senerio we go through when searching for a man. It has proven difficult with all her limits and desires for connection to the lover. We may have stuck gold lately. Found a man who wants to commit to a long term trio with us..right age, fairly handsome, independent, and knows how to make my girl laugh. Big time points on that one. Anyways, fingers crossed he works out. I like the guy too. Not sexually but as a friend.
It's refreshing to see that others have similar tastes and struggles in the hotwifing lifestyle.

[Long Lurker 34]

We could find any number of men quite easily at swingers clubs (when they eventually reopen after Covid) but my wife has no interest in the premeditated type of meets that the swinging scene provides as we have done these in the past and she's not aroused by them any more.

She wants the excitement of a spontaneous connection with a man flirting with her in 'real life' but although she's found a few men she's attracted to and who have showed an interest in her, we've found it incredibly difficult to make that next step where she makes them aware she's available and they hit on her.

I think part of the problem is that catch-22 where she is an extremely attractive soccer-mom type, with a long established marriage, home and kids and lyfestyle but with a stag & vixen kink that we keep hidden to protect ourselves and family.

As your wife is finding it so hard to 'get' a guy, is she looking for a long or short term situation. With the amount of 'work' it appears to take for her to find a a guy....

[H2100309]

For me it's more to do with finding a good match with mutual attraction. This can take time which I don't have and it's not helping. Although, being en garde and ready to meet a right match motivates me to look my best at every opportunity.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum hotwifeluver15.

[parklife]

My wife’s FWB have come from her every day life. They really are people she’s known for years and a mutual attraction grew until it spilled over into a physical one. The time she did meet someone at a music venue, they chatted, texted, went in a date but in the end he was rushing too fast and it killed any enjoyment she had. So it fizzled. So, if for whatever reason she and a FWB don’t see each other, she just doesn’t have any extracurricular fun. She just reminded me yesterday that she doesn’t “need” anything more than our relationship but shes enjoying the fun times. If both of her current FWB situations faded away, she’d probably just stop hotwifing until some other bond formed with someone she k ones or will know.

So, on one hand, yeah it’s hard and a problem finding lovers but on the other hand, it’s because they just grow from her personal relationships so it’s not exactly “hard”. It’s just there or it isn’t.

[Bi_Giver]

The whole notion of guys being single for a reason holds true.
One thing that worked for us is to contact other couples looking for a guy.
You would be amazed how easy it is to peel the male away for your own MFM experience without his woman being involved.

[tommyjohn]

My 40 wife is a BBW but has no problems looking for one night stand partners pre-Covid by paying masseurs, waiters, bartenders, hotel attendants, security guards, electricians, plumbers and carpenters for "extra" work.