Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[CurvyNerdMILF]

I love 2inUPMichigan’s advice to wannabe bulls. I would also encourage Seamonster669 to really think through what he has to offer that is unique. I’m currently sorting through the torrent of guys who have approached me on Feeld, and it is pretty overwhelming how many there are. Women really have a lot to choose from. I think a lot of men get off on the idea of being with other men’s wives but don’t really know what women get off on. Which sex acts do you feel most confident in? Are you looking for a a woman of a certain age to teach you how to be a better lover? If you are happy to enjoy the attention of both the husband and wife (such as receiving oral from both), let people know. Do you have rope skills or other experience with BDSM? Would you like to be dominated by a confident woman? Really think it through. If you are happiest with hotwives who are celebrating their sexuality in a way that doesn’t involve humiliation, point that out.

[CurvyNerdMILF]

My husband and I love to share fantasies while we have sex. For a couple years, we both found ourselves very excited about the idea of us having a threesome with another man as well as swinging/couples swapping. Until recently, it was something that we felt we couldn’t do with kids in the house or even in the city where we live.

But we moved and felt that we could reinvent ourselves. And I realized as part of my midlife crisis (I’m 46), that I thrive when I have more than one lover and that I have enough love inside me to offer more than one man. As soon as I told my husband that I felt like we could stop trying to be everything our spouse needs emotionally or sexually, we realized that (1) he has aspects of his sexuality he might also explore, (2) opening up released a sense inside of him that marriage is a trap and he now loves me without resentment, (3) he’s proud to share his sex-goddess wife with others. We’ve dived into hotwifing as one part of Ethical Nonmonogamy, and it is a great fit for our spiritual and emotional values. Hotwifing allows me to own my own sexuality in a way that monogamy doesn’t; it’s a way to demonstrate life without ownership.

But notice this—It isn’t about my husband’s inadequacy. My husband is an amazing lover who may even be a bull for other couples. (When his monthly business trips start up, he will likely do this—and I will 100% write him a letter of recommendation, ladies.) It’s not about my husband’s fetishes—we actually share a desire for him to guide a cock into me and clean me up later. If a woman is having sex with men who are not of her choosing, if she feels disempowered or disrespected, if she is being coerced by her husband into a lifestyle that doesn’t interest her—that isn’t really Hotwifing. It’s just another man manipulating his wife out of his own lusts.

[justdreaming]

I’m interested in reading responses from hotwives who either dipped their toes into hotwife activities or had it become an integral part of their lives and then, for one reason or another, pulled back and refused to entertain the idea, only to resume it at some point. What was the catalyst that got you back into it and how do you feel about it now?

[Farmgirl]

First, I'd like to say I love the answer CurvyNerdMILF gave you!

My husband and I have been an item since I was in junior high school, and I sensed early on that he liked the thought of seeing me with other males. Over time, I realized that he actually had a desire to share me. Probably because I learned this about him even before he was ready to admit it to himself, I became used to it and before long, aroused by it. By the time we were married, I knew for sure he wanted me to have sex with other men, though he still couldn't admit it "in the light of day".
So, I never had a feeling that he was trying to get rid of me, or that he was wanting to see other women. When he was deployed, I did have guys stay overnight with me (I wasn't cheating, we had a don't ask, don't tell policy), but I didn't become an actual Hotwife until he admitted that is what he wanted. Once he was able to admit it, I was all in.

[Farmgirl]

I’m interested in reading responses from hotwives who either dipped their toes into hotwife activities or had it become an integral part of their lives and then, for one reason or another, pulled back and refused to entertain the idea, only to resume it at some point. What was the catalyst that got you back into it and how do you feel about it now?

Many of us already have our stories on the site. A little reading and you'll find several to your liking .

[justdreaming]

Thanks. Could you suggest one or a few threads?

[justdreaming]

Thanks. Could you suggest one or a few threads?

[Farmgirl]

Thanks. Could you suggest one or a few threads?

Justdreaming, there are so many, I hesitate to slight anyone by picking theirs. When you read posts, look at the signature line, many have links there.

[justdreaming]

Thanks. I’m still interested in hearing any responses or reading any suggested threads.

[feetuji]

Quick sexual question: do you enjoy seeing your partner licking you (or penetrating you, whatever) filled with the juices from other guy(s)…? Or thats a turn of for you? I could expand the question, asking about him playing (licking, touching, using as lube, whatever) with the fluids of the other guy(s), wherever they are.
Thanks

[Happycuck48126]

Skin bleaching and whitening products. Recently I've been whitening/bleaching my wife butt and stuff and my own (her request). I have not had any negative effects my wife however has. Within an hour she says it feels a bit itchy and tender. Most side effects go away in a few hours usually. She's tried various products to cool and relieve with hits and misses.

Are there any products you recommend? And do you think whitening will have any real effect on the darker color of male genitals where it's actually skin pigmentation.

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, this question has doubtlessly been asked elsewhere, but did you have multiple partners as young women? I know everyone’s answer will be unique, but I only ask since my wife didn’t and I just wonder if it’s a mental barrier you can’t get over as you get older.

Thanks in advance.

[CurvyNerdMILF]

Dear VHWs, this question has doubtlessly been asked elsewhere, but were did you have multiple partners as young women? I know everyone’s answer will be unique, but I only ask since my wife didn’t and I just wonder if it’s a mental barrier you can’t get over as you get older.

Thanks in advance.

I went through periods of both self-denial and exuberant sluttiness as a single woman. Sometimes it was years between partners; sometimes it was hours. I have always had a very high libido and masturbated a lot. I struggled with the ethical messages I’d been taught about promiscuous sex, fears of getting pregnant or infected with HIV, and my own emotional neediness. Men I loved had made me feel either disposable or too “good” to have casual sex with, and I had major issues with attachment due to being abandoned by my father. Eventually, I just sort of exploded sexually, and I discovered that I felt free, strong, and ecstatic when having sex with men I barely knew. But I also found sadness and more of that sense of being disposable. Then I met my husband, and 16 years of monogamy both healed my father-wounds and taught me that I really can love multiple men at once, letting my emotional attachment to men (who weren’t lovers, at this point) be lighter and less clingy while still being deep and fulfilling needs that no one man could by himself (even my amazing husband).

I think that some HWs feel a need to explore because they never experience a variety of men and sexual experiences. Others, like me, just sort of have a list for life and all it’s pleasures.

[Lookingforadventure]

Dear VHWs, this question has doubtlessly been asked elsewhere, but did you have multiple partners as young women? I know everyone’s answer will be unique, but I only ask since my wife didn’t and I just wonder if it’s a mental barrier you can’t get over as you get older.

Thanks in advance.

I am on the opposite end of the spectrum as CurvyNerdMILF (which is partly why I love the VHWs on this site...so much experience from so many different backgrounds). For me, I was raised conservatively and -- until recently -- my only sexual partner was my husband. And you are right, it was a mental barrier. I had to get past the messages I had been taught about sex and "purity" as part of my self-worth. I also had worries about if having sex with other men would ruin the special bond between my husband and I.

I'm happy to chat with your wife if her situation is similar and she wants to know more about my situation. Ultimately, though, she is going to have to decide if it is something she's ready for.

[feetuji]

Dear VHWs, this question has doubtlessly been asked elsewhere, but did you have multiple partners as young women? I know everyone’s answer will be unique, but I only ask since my wife didn’t and I just wonder if it’s a mental barrier you can’t get over as you get older.

Thanks in advance.

I am on the opposite end of the spectrum as CurvyNerdMILF (which is partly why I love the VHWs on this site...so much experience from so many different backgrounds). For me, I was raised conservatively and -- until recently -- my only sexual partner was my husband. And you are right, it was a mental barrier. I had to get past the messages I had been taught about sex and "purity" as part of my self-worth. I also had worries about if having sex with other men would ruin the special bond between my husband and I.

I'm happy to chat with your wife if her situation is similar and she wants to know more about my situation. Ultimately, though, she is going to have to decide if it is something she's ready for.

What are your toughts now regarding your bond with your husband? How was your first time with the other man and what feelings did you have? And final question, did you had sex with that other guy because it was a fantasy your husband had? Sorry for so many questions, but I am curious about how these things start for shy women like you and like my wife (my wife is also low in sexual libido).

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHWs, this question has doubtlessly been asked elsewhere, but did you have multiple partners as young women? I know everyone’s answer will be unique, but I only ask since my wife didn’t and I just wonder if it’s a mental barrier you can’t get over as you get older.

Thanks in advance.

Like you know, each woman will be a little different.
I didn't have sexual experience when I married other than with my boyfriend, now he's my Number1, my husband. We dated since I was in 8th grade, 14, and married at 18 for me.
When we married, he was in the Marine Corps. When he deployed, we had a don't ask/ don't tell agreement about sex. He had other women when he was deployed, and I had Marines stay over with me while he was gone.
I knew from high school days that he had a fantasy of showing me off to other men, and I came to believe that he wanted me to have sex with other men. I didn't act on being an actual Hotwife until he could admit his desire to himself, I was then 37 when he could do that. I didn't have a problem making the decision because of our history and my surmising his desires and his actually admitting them. Once that happened, I was ready.

[Lookingforadventure]

Dear VHWs, this question has doubtlessly been asked elsewhere, but did you have multiple partners as young women? I know everyone’s answer will be unique, but I only ask since my wife didn’t and I just wonder if it’s a mental barrier you can’t get over as you get older.

Thanks in advance.

I am on the opposite end of the spectrum as CurvyNerdMILF (which is partly why I love the VHWs on this site...so much experience from so many different backgrounds). For me, I was raised conservatively and -- until recently -- my only sexual partner was my husband. And you are right, it was a mental barrier. I had to get past the messages I had been taught about sex and "purity" as part of my self-worth. I also had worries about if having sex with other men would ruin the special bond between my husband and I.

I'm happy to chat with your wife if her situation is similar and she wants to know more about my situation. Ultimately, though, she is going to have to decide if it is something she's ready for.

What are your toughts now regarding your bond with your husband? How was your first time with the other man and what feelings did you have? And final question, did you had sex with that other guy because it was a fantasy your husband had? Sorry for so many questions, but I am curious about how these things start for shy women like you and like my wife (my wife is also low in sexual libido).

My husband and I are probably closer as a result of this experience. We communicate a lot and have enjoyed seeing each other experience new things through these adventures.

My first time with another man was great (see our story in my signature line) but it helped that I had talked with him for several months before we played in person. We were very comfortable with each other and I trusted him to go at my speed.

I wouldn't say that I was shy. Lol. I just was hesitant to include other people in our sex life. I actually have a high sex drive. My husband and I had shared lots of fantasies with each other, so this was a natural out pouring of that.

And don't worry about lots of questions. That's what this site is for. I don't mind answering as long as the questions are genuine and respectful (yours were)

[Michaels30309]

Dear VHWs, this question has doubtlessly been asked elsewhere, but did you have multiple partners as young women? I know everyone’s answer will be unique, but I only ask since my wife didn’t and I just wonder if it’s a mental barrier you can’t get over as you get older.

Thanks in advance.

Like you know, each woman will be a little different.
I didn't have sexual experience when I married other than with my boyfriend, now he's my Number1, my husband. We dated since I was in 8th grade, 14, and married at 18 for me.
When we married, he was in the Marine Corps. When he deployed, we had a don't ask/ don't tell agreement about sex. He had other women when he was deployed, and I had Marines stay over with me while he was gone.
I knew from high school days that he had a fantasy of showing me off to other men, and I came to believe that he wanted me to have sex with other men. I didn't act on being an actual Hotwife until he could admit his desire to himself, I was then 37 when he could do that. I didn't have a problem making the decision because of our history and my surmising his desires and his actually admitting them. Once that happened, I was ready.

@Farmgirl. Your candor and “real” and grace all wrapped up with a “don’t eff with me” style is really awesome to watch… clear you’re both a supportive spouse and a leader at the same time.

[feetuji]

Lookinforadventure, thanks for your answer

[OZCPL]

How strange is it for a wife to initiate a cuckold relationship. I'm so excited about the new dynamic but I wonder when she decided this is what she wants. I'm fully supportive of her choices and wants. But now I wonder if my love making has ever been enough for the women I've been with, or has my wife's needs simple went beyond what I can supply. Or is she simply wanting more and knows I'll always be with her. So many questions. Thanks for the help.

hey I read an article a while ago with some statistics. I can't remember the exact numbers but in situations where the woman initiates an open relationship then most likely she's already having sex with another man. So it may not apply in your case but your wife was probably seeing someone when she initiated it with you.

Kate88
I hope you dont mind me supporting your comment
That was true for my wife. I learned to appreciate some compersion but still am a stag at most. We both liked sex but were not a perfect fit in that respect. However, we did prove to to be an excellent team in most other areas and have had a long and happy marriage with a happy healthy family.

[2inUPMichigan]

Curious if any VHWs have any thoughts on what, if anything, DIFFERENT from a vanilla proplosal, a devotee of a HW Goddess should do in getting engaged? Thoughts on ritual to ask, ring, jewelry etc. Things are getting very intimate in the best way.

Oh this could be fun! I will have to give it some thought.

Definitely you could make a statement with the jewelry and the proposal shouldn't be vanilla as you aren't just asking her to be your wife you are formalizing your commitment as her devotee.

You will tell us all about it won't you?

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, do you find yourselves being more confident in the other parts of your life ( beyond sex , though that’s huge ) since becoming Hotwives? Can you give one or two examples if that’s the case? Thanks in advance for your usual well-considered answers.

[Wolphey]

This question is for Farmgirl and 2inUP.
You both mentioned reconciling your lifestyle with your religion: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=32970&start=1700#p1163267

My wife is struggling with tat aspect as well.
1. Is there any advice you could offer to help her get mast that hurdle?
2. One of her fears is being "found out". 1. How do you handle that possibility?

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, is there a non-sexual thing that your husband does for you that simply makes your day? My wife is on her feet all day long, so when I rub my wife’s feet with hot oil first thing in the morning before she gets out of bed, she is so much happier than when I didn’t. I swear she grows 2 inches taller.

Any pointers are very much appreciated.

PS. Even though I’m a Wannabe I only got really into giving my wife regular,great foot rubs since I broached the hotwife LS with her, and she didn’t shoot it down. There seems to be a connection between Hotwifing ( or the dream of it ) and a wish to serve her and make her happy

[Michaels30309]

Dear VHW… thx in advance for your insights…

Who enjoys making the final invite to play the most? You or your husband?

If the setting is a vanilla but nice bar, meet a good prospect and it evolves beyond innuendo / flirtation, who decides? How do you align with hubby? Who makes the invite? Or do you wait for the suitor to suggest?

Have any signals?