Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[Christinebitg]

<< The bottomline is she has better orgasms from my tongue than sex with me, but pretending that isn't true just leads to resentment on both our parts.>>

Realistically, it's true for most couples most of the time, fantasies not withstanding.

[drstrangelove]

You need to stay off this site, stay away from fetishes and concentrate on your marriage. Most betrayals will take between 2-5 years to "recover" from. Many do not. You're treading thin mental ice confusing yourself at this stage IMHO.

Logically, that is precisely how I feel.

I recognize that there's way too much trauma we're both dealing with right now to flirt with sexual fetishes. My wife has been making significant discoveries about deep-seated issues from her past daily now (issues with her father, with her past sexual partners, etc.)--ultimately, she spent a lifetime looking for protection and love from men and never finding it and she carried all of that into our marriage.

Understanding that, I also realize I don't want to go through a multi-year recovery and find myself in a relationship where I still can't explore my sexual fantasies. I need to feel we have a genuine partnership where she's open to exploring anything. I feel like that's possible--and as long as I do, I won't push anything too hard--but I've spent so much of my life dancing around this that it feels like an act of insanity to deliberately do it again now.

[Chrislydi]

You need to stay off this site, stay away from fetishes and concentrate on your marriage. Most betrayals will take between 2-5 years to "recover" from. Many do not. You're treading thin mental ice confusing yourself at this stage IMHO.

Logically, that is precisely how I feel.

I recognize that there's way too much trauma we're both dealing with right now to flirt with sexual fetishes. My wife has been making significant discoveries about deep-seated issues from her past daily now (issues with her father, with her past sexual partners, etc.)--ultimately, she spent a lifetime looking for protection and love from men and never finding it and she carried all of that into our marriage.

Understanding that, I also realize I don't want to go through a multi-year recovery and find myself in a relationship where I still can't explore my sexual fantasies. I need to feel we have a genuine partnership where she's open to exploring anything. I feel like that's possible--and as long as I do, I won't push anything too hard--but I've spent so much of my life dancing around this that it feels like an act of insanity to deliberately do it again now.

You've spent an extensive amount of time managing to find an effective approach were you can start repairing a marriage that, for all intents and purposes, looked an absolute write-off. You've listed all the newly discovered mental obstacles on her side, and you're both getting the professional advice and counsel needed. If you realistically want to complete the repair work and save the marriage then you know the right path to take. If on the other hand you want it all now, or even a promise of all later, you risk all that foundation work being for nought

Really it's a choice of carry on after such good progress or maybe risk all and face the possibility of having to find someone else, start all over again and face the same dilemmas over her accepting it. Surely getting the foundation repaired before building on it is the right way

[Rogueuser1]

Glad to have you back - it sure sounds like you are taking the right approach and I am glad to hear things are improving with time.

[jratt85]

I'm curious how the STD test turned out..

[drstrangelove]

I'm curious how the STD test turned out..

We’re both negative across the board—the other wife as well.

[jratt85]

I'm curious how the STD test turned out..

We’re both negative across the board—the other wife as well.

Okay good, that's about the best news out of all of this.. The other wife... I'm guessing she was finally told as well then?

[drstrangelove]

I'm curious how the STD test turned out..

We’re both negative across the board—the other wife as well.

Okay good, that's about the best news out of all of this.. The other wife... I'm guessing she was finally told as well then?

Yes, sorry, I forgot to provide that background here. So I made the decision I was going to tell her awhile back; however, because I was leaving the country with my mom for a week in early April, our therapist suggested I hold off until I return (she felt my wife had issues feeling abandoned and unprotected by men and leaving her alone to deal with the ramifications of the reveal could be bad--btw, she nailed that diagnosis before my wife realized it).

Then a few days before I left for my trip, the other wife texted my wife to say hi and check in--they had an acquaintance relationship going because they were both on PTA, but the real truth was that the other wife had been suspicious of my wife and her husband throughout the entire affair, just lacked any evidence, so she was trying to keep my wife close to her to get a read. The first kiss night, Dec. 17, when the PTA was out for dinner and drinks, her husband returned to the table after kissing my wife with mascara on his cheek--he played it off, but she knew something happened. She tried to get it out of him for days, but he just made her feel crazy. After that, she never got any other evidence.

Anyway, my wife was in a bind when she received the text--knowing I was going to tell her the truth eventually, she had no way of responding to the text. So my wife came to the conclusion to call her that day and walk her through everything for about 20-25 minutes (the other man was with her when she called, so it was awkward--she had to walk outside).

A couple of days later, I met the other wife for a four-hour conversation at a local book store. We have since kept in touch via text, but it's dying down gradually. Interestingly, the other wife made a pass at me: "It's not fair that they had their fun--we should get to have fun too." I graciously backed away from that obviously, though she is a beautiful woman. I'd like to let the relationship fade away though I think--I'm being cordial and we still keep in touch--and we have to coordinate who takes our sons to various baseball practices to avoid our spouses from contacting each other.

Sadly, it looks like their relationship is heading for divorce--she can't forgive him for what he did. She's unwilling to really discuss reconciliation with him right now. In her defense, it's very likely he has been a serial cheater, but I feel so awful for her and her small children.

[Chrislydi]

Tough on the children but that serial cheater doesn't deserve any loyalty or respect, it's all on him. Sometimes when trust breaks down and acrimony reigns, staying together, shouting and arguing with each other is much tougher. He should move out and she should be awarded the house, he deserves fuck all.

[drstrangelove]

So I thought I'd give you guys an interesting update.

My wife and I went out to dinner with my sister and brother-in-law and the night went well. We came home and went up to bed early--my wife cuddled near me wearing a sexy thong and a short black lacy night gown. She was happily telling me about her day, largely complaining about her boss.

I had a big trigger, recalling how she told me most of her car meetups would go--she'd arrive to his car, breathlessly complain about work and me to the other man, with him nodding along in agreement and providing a listening ear. She'd finish up in 10-15 minutes, then they'd start making out and she'd blow him, with him usually fingering her (sex once after the BJ). It was routine for all four meetups in his car.

It struck me that the exact same thing was happening right now--her providing me inane details about her day, me nodding along, then us eventually having sex, which we've been doing daily. I became really sad, fighting back tears. To top things off, it was also the four month anniversary of their first hotel stay on Jan. 4--so I knew exactly four months earlier he was fucking her at that very moment.

She recognized my sadness and held me close, apologizing for hurting me so badly. I eventually drifted off to sleep (it was early, around 9:30 p.m.), her as well--I never spoke a word.

I woke up about 90 minutes later, her lying next to me asleep. Her perfect ass in the thong was up against me, uncovered. I felt entirely confused with a million thoughts in my end. I considered initiating sex, but didn't. I just sat there thinking. She stirred and woke up a bit after 20-30 minutes, cuddling into me.

We began talking, her being apologetic for not recognizing the various triggers, especially the anniversary date. We talked about sex a bit, with her noting how special our sex has been since the affair reveal--she said she just wants to have sex with someone who loves and respects her and that's why our recent sex has been so meaningful.

That bothered me a bit because she was having admittedly great sex with the other guy when it was very clear to her he neither loved nor respected her. I asked her what she would have done if after I found out, I allowed her to continue the sexual relationship with him.

She became a little angry and said she couldn't have done that. I asked her why she was ok having fun sex with another man only if she was also betraying the man who does love her. That left her in a corner and she became upset further, not knowing how to tackle it.

I backed off, seeing it wasn't productive, but I realized there was a lot more to explore with her on the topic as her feelings on sex and love are very confused. Even though I know she was tired, she looked too outrageous for me not to initiate anything, so I did.

I went down on her and brought her to orgasm, but for the first time since post affair, I felt like I could have easily cum in my boxers during it (I haven't been doing that at all). I was really turned on knowing that four months ago he fucked her all night, so the humiliation of cuming in my pants in that moment was a big turn on. I refrained though, ultimately fucking her briefly--I only lasted less than a minute though, which was a stark contrast to the marathon sessions we've been having.

Then today we're both working and she's at her office. She reached out, telling me how important I am to her and how much she loves me. She apologized for briefly getting angry with me last night and explained she just struggled with the question of an open relationship--she said in the moment, she doesn't think she could have done it because she felt so hollow with our marriage in such bad shape. She also asked, "and how would you feel about an open relationship? I can't imagine you'd want to share a partner with someone."

I responded, telling her if I offered her the one-sided open relationship then, and she took it, it would have been built on a broken marriage and failed; if I offered it now and she took it, we wouldn't be able to deal with the added strain on top of all the pain from the affair; but I said I had no idea if I'd be open to it in the future, I just know that we need to build a strong relationship between us first with open communication and no secrets.

It has left me thinking if a cuckold relationship would be possible with us one day, I just think a lot needs to happen first. I suspect a large barrier for her will be her relationship to sex in general--she'll never want to go out and get used by a random guy and I suspect I'm a long way off from being comfortable with her developing an emotional relationship with someone again. But it would need to be a slow, gradual process that builds well before any overnight hotel stays.

Regardless, I now see that the fetish hasn't left me--cuckolding and cheating was such a turn off for me in the weeks following the reveal, but I find it erotic again, so that's something.

[FNQLivin]

Thank you for the update

[FNQLivin]

Both you and Parklife strike me as thoroughly decent, loving husbands and partners.

[Chrislydi]

I fully endorse those sentiments from FNQLivin. You seem fully tuned in to what's needed now and what can may be thought of at some time in the future. Your updates are always worth reading.

[chris]

dr, I think you're right on the money. Now is not the time.

However, being cuckolded is now innate in your sexuality. You can't fight that, and you shouldn't, and she has to accept it as part of the whole you.

So... maybe a compromise going forward is that it's ok to talk about it together, fantasize about it together, but not actually involve another man? And maybe that changes in a few years, once the marriage is on solid ground? Or perhaps never.... and you have to be ok with that....

[drstrangelove]

I thought I'd give you guys an update.

A few nights ago my wife told me she wanted to be more open with me sexually and asked me to suggest some things I'd like to do with her. Off the top of my head, I rattled off a few: anal sex again, her masterbating for me, and her jerking me off while telling me a hot sex story from her past (not the affair...).

She shot them all down, focusing in on anal, saying it really hurts her because my dick is so big (the compliment doesn't make it any better). She seemed most open to masterbating, but wouldn't commit.

The next night (two nights ago), the topic of her wall being back up arose and she asked me why I thought that, so I mentioned her offering of more sexual openness and then how she shot everything down. I focused in on her masterbating for me as it seemed to be the most mild and it seemed crazy for her to turn that down considering she's the one who offered to do something.

She replied: "You want to know why I don't want to do that? It's because he asked me to do that and it hits a little too close to home."
Me: "But you did do that for him!"
Her: "I was only pretending in the video!"

Context: She maintains that she's never masterbated in her life--including alone--but it is something he asked her to do in person that didn't happen. She sent him a "short" video (from my living room) of her "pretending" to masterbate for him.

I was incredibly hurt by the exchange because it feels like she's reserving sex acts between the two of them and not offering them to me. Her rationale is that she doesn't want to simulate the sex acts from the affair with me, but my position is that is incredibly humiliating for me.

Then last night she was dressed in a sexy red thong and we got into bed, but she ruined the mood (I won't bother you all with the details) and I didn't want to fool around with her. She fell asleep and I was lying there and about an hour or so passed. She was facing away from me, curled up a bit, with her perfect ass in the thong pointing back at me.

I said fuck it and went to initiate, thinking I'd wake her up for sex. I grabbed her ass and rubbed my fingers over her covered pussy and asshole. I took out my dick and stroked it slightly as I grabbed her ass; no movement from her still. Then it all hit me--how humiliating this was. She was lying her, another man's whore, denying me sex acts she did with him. In that moment, all the anger I had over that turned into my sexual fetish.

I kept stroking my dick while I cupped her ass and came hard--it was less than a minute and probably the fastest I've cum on my own. She never woke up. It's all very confusing because the humiliation is so hurtful and such a turn on for me.

I couldn't really sleep, but I was in and out, with the anger fading. At 3 a.m. our daughter came in from a bad dream and woke up my wife, who put her back to bed. We cuddled up and it led to us getting intimate. I felt up her ass again while I sucked on her nipples and she gave me a HJ.

I told her I wanted her to cum on my face, so she took off the thong and repositioned herself in 69. I licked her clit while she deep throated my dick until she had a mild orgasm after 5-7 minutes. She repositioned herself into reverse cowgirl, riding me slowly for 5-7 minutes. I then pulled her back so she was in a bridge position with her hands braced backwards, giving me full access to thrust deep and hard. She quickly had a massive orgasm, screaming out and creaming on my dick.

I fucked her for a few minutes like that before rolling her off to my side. I grabbed her from behind, squeezing her tits while I fucked her for about 10 minutes like that--she came again. I told her when I was about to cum, I wanted her to swallow it. I fucked her really hard and pulled out, with her quickly repositioning to catch my cum. She sucked it all out while also cleaning all her cream off my cock.

It was incredibly hot and only the second time she's done that (I had her do it once back in March right after the affair reveal).

Anyway, I thought you'd all enjoy the update. I feel like she's open to being more generous in bed now and I want to keep pushing--there are so many sexual repressed thoughts I have from the last 15 years.

[jratt85]

I definitely get what you mean, her being willing to do something with someone else but not you definitely hurts.. While I've never done anything with anyone in person (other than fingering a girl I settled for and her never returning the favor) I used to talk to a woman that told me about all these different things she had done for other guys, including pics and vids she sent one guy she was talking to online.. yet she wouldn't show me those pics or vids.. We had talked to each other (including on the phone, we were even each other's first phone sex partners) yet I wasn't allowed to see the pics or vids. She even told me about doing a bondage shoot at an old (and haunted) prison and a gangbang that was fully filmed/photographed yet I wasn't allowed to see it.. That definitely hurt and I didn't (and still don't) get why she was willing to tell me about it but not let me see it. In the end, I guess she just wasn't attracted to me and didn't want me to think of her in a sexual manner (or she was lying about it all together) though why she'd bring up being slutty for someone else... I'll never know.. It ended with her ghosting me years ago and never talking to me again.

Not hijacking, just trying to relate.. Your wife definitely reminds me of that. This whole exchange also reminds me of what you did for months before you figured out the affair.. She got mad at you, held out on the things you wanted, made excuses, went to bed mad, then gave enough to appease you and keep you around. Her resentment is obviously still there yet so is her fear of being left alone. Despite how long you fucked her after making yourself cum, it really sounds like the same old story. The sad part is you also have the same mindset you did then and jump right back into it.. You settle and flip a switch in your mind that turns it into a cuckold thing and makes you cum really quick so you just get it over with even though it's obviously not what you want and not emotionally satisfying... like when you almost came in your pants again.. It's actually kind of amazing how you're capable of that, but at the same time I don't think it's a good mindset for you to have right now.

[Chrislydi]

Thank you dr. that is a massively encouraging update and very hot indeed. It looked more like one step forward and two steps back at one point, but it looks as though she's finally really embracing her new found sexual openness towards you. Around ten steps forward and none back by the finale.

Having read jratt85's post, I think he does raise some warning signs and possible or potential red flags. So maybe temper any real enthusiasm with a little continued watchfulness for now.

[Rogueuser1]

Wow --- such an intense night! I wouldn't be too upset about her doing things for other guys but not you even though it is humiliating. She is trying to work through shutting down that corner of her life and forcing her back into it by doing certain things isn't going to help you long term. It is definitely something you two should both talk through with your counselor but I'd be careful about pressing too hard on it. Try to think of other things you could do that are new: maybe pick up a slim dildo/butt plug and "DP" her with that in her bum and you in her pussy for example. Ask her if she would let you spank her - just don't take it too far especially the first time ---- remember that you are spanking your loving wife as foreplay for sex not punishing a cheating slut no matter how much you want to.

[drstrangelove]

I definitely get what you mean, her being willing to do something with someone else but not you definitely hurts.. While I've never done anything with anyone in person (other than fingering a girl I settled for and her never returning the favor) I used to talk to a woman that told me about all these different things she had done for other guys, including pics and vids she sent one guy she was talking to online.. yet she wouldn't show me those pics or vids.. We had talked to each other (including on the phone, we were even each other's first phone sex partners) yet I wasn't allowed to see the pics or vids. She even told me about doing a bondage shoot at an old (and haunted) prison and a gangbang that was fully filmed/photographed yet I wasn't allowed to see it.. That definitely hurt and I didn't (and still don't) get why she was willing to tell me about it but not let me see it. In the end, I guess she just wasn't attracted to me and didn't want me to think of her in a sexual manner (or she was lying about it all together) though why she'd bring up being slutty for someone else... I'll never know.. It ended with her ghosting me years ago and never talking to me again.

Not hijacking, just trying to relate.. Your wife definitely reminds me of that. This whole exchange also reminds me of what you did for months before you figured out the affair.. She got mad at you, held out on the things you wanted, made excuses, went to bed mad, then gave enough to appease you and keep you around. Her resentment is obviously still there yet so is her fear of being left alone. Despite how long you fucked her after making yourself cum, it really sounds like the same old story. The sad part is you also have the same mindset you did then and jump right back into it.. You settle and flip a switch in your mind that turns it into a cuckold thing and makes you cum really quick so you just get it over with even though it's obviously not what you want and not emotionally satisfying... like when you almost came in your pants again.. It's actually kind of amazing how you're capable of that, but at the same time I don't think it's a good mindset for you to have right now.

I relate to your point here. One minute I think I want to separate from her, the next minute I want to make it work, and then the next minute I want to be her cuck. It’s exhausting being in my head right now.

If I had to analyze myself a bit, I wonder if over the last two months I’ve just become more accepting of separation from her, so naturally the cuck stuff has gradually returned—as though, what do I have to lose? Push to see if I can have the fun sexual life I want or call it quits.

Of course the problem is this is all so much bigger than random kinks. I just have a hard time thinking she can go from such hatred and cruelty to me back to loving me with all her heart. I see it up close and it seems legit, but objectively I look at it and feel like I must be missing something and she’s a phony.

The sad truth is it may be more likely that this affair wasn’t her inner whore coming out, it was just her willing to use her inner whore to find a new man because she thought her marriage was over. So even if she does indeed love me and want to be with me, I’ll potentially be fighting against the idea of going back to normal—and that’s just no longer an option for me.

[FNQLivin]

People make mistakes all the time. Personally, as someone who had an affair in a previous relationship, I knew why I did it. It wasn’t because I didn’t love that person, it was because there was something missing. There was the thrill, the passion of a new relationship, the fact that it was a bad thing to do. Ultimately we split, but only after she found solace in a new relationship herself.

I think she realises she made a mistake and wants to be with you. I would give up the fantasy and spend time on you both.

[subtoall]

I relate to your point here. One minute I think I want to separate from her, the next minute I want to make it work, and then the next minute I want to be her cuck. It’s exhausting being in my head right now.

If I had to analyze myself a bit, I wonder if over the last two months I’ve just become more accepting of separation from her, so naturally the cuck stuff has gradually returned—as though, what do I have to lose? Push to see if I can have the fun sexual life I want or call it quits.

Of course the problem is this is all so much bigger than random kinks. I just have a hard time thinking she can go from such hatred and cruelty to me back to loving me with all her heart. I see it up close and it seems legit, but objectively I look at it and feel like I must be missing something and she’s a phony.

The sad truth is it may be more likely that this affair wasn’t her inner whore coming out, it was just her willing to use her inner whore to find a new man because she thought her marriage was over. So even if she does indeed love me and want to be with me, I’ll potentially be fighting against the idea of going back to normal—and that’s just no longer an option for me.

I think this is exactly a conversation you need to have with her. Just be a bit more open minded in how you approach it, as in, all these sentences you wrote above are questions you're wondering about, rather than coming across so certain you know what's happening or what is going on in her head.

[drstrangelove]

I asked my wife a series of questions (via email) about how she felt about our sex life during the marriage; how she felt about making love or fucking; questions about her affair partner; questions about the specific acts she did with him. I thought I'd share her emailed response here as it might be something you're all well equipped to comment on.

In terms of our sex life pre-affair I can say that the task it self largely fell to the wayside. For me, I went to bed conflicted a lot at night. Knowing you wanted to play, but feeling in the moment too tired, knowing I had to get up for the kids or go to the city. Making every selfish justification in the world.

Yes, our sex life largely changed with you giving me oral and cumming in your pants. I just felt a different side of you. Someone who wasn’t in control, someone who had always been strong headed. It just made me see a different side of you. I wasn’t sure why you were doing it.

In terms of resentments and sex it would come in the form if we had a fight or if I felt that day you hadn’t helped out with something.

When we would have sex ultimately I would get into it. But it felt forced and that is on me in terms of my communication. It felt negative and I made it that way. I was selfish in the respect of i didn’t want to do it I would let you know.

"Making love" to me seems like we are emotionally connecting, nothing else is around us. There is passion, but I can feel the actual love and the act seems pure. "Fucking" to me seems like doing some of these raw sexual acts that you list out as requests: cumming on my face, anal sex, cumming in my mouth after sex.

Sex with [other man] was better than the sex we had in our marriage but I feel more freedom or connection with you now. The sex with [other man] seemed passionate and exciting. Knowing it was something we shouldn’t be doing. Like we were going to get caught.

The specific sexual acts we did were: missionary both ways, mostly doggy style, reverse cow girl, Anal, he gave me head and I reciprocated. Overall the sex was good because of the situation all emotions were heightened. In terms of mechanics, it will be something I largely forget.

The handcuff request came from me because it was something I wanted to explore. He didn’t request. I was nervous that maybe he wouldn’t untie the handcuffs, but that was the only sense of fear.

This is another example of my selfishness. In terms of sex, yes I get largely embarrassed but then there is a piece of me that feels degraded. But then I have to remind myself that it shouldn’t be degrading if it is with the right person. My sexual past yes has been largely due to getting guys attention. Feeling like I am doing something for them in those moments. I guess I rarely explored what I’d like in the situation. Sex has been taboo. Something I grappled with in high school and was nervous, scared to do. Would I do it wrong, would I please the other person?

I hope this provides some insight into my thoughts.

Of note, that is certainly not a comprehensive list of the sex acts she did as we've discussed more, including her video masterbating for him, sex in a bathtub, sex while blindfolded, and often swallowing his cum.

It also seems obvious to me that I'm just not the right guy for her. I don't think she loves me. Open to feedback though of course.

I might as well post my email response to her as well:

I’d like to hear more about your thoughts on the submissive aspect of how our sex life developed. You reference it, but there’s more depth you can share. You weren’t sure why I was cuming in my pants and giving you oral all the time, but what did you think? How did you feel?

You write that you like the idea of making love and look down on the idea of fucking, even though you admit the fucking with [other man] was better than the lifetime of sex in our marriage. You enjoyed being fucked because it was taboo and slutty, but the thought of being taboo and slutty with me feels degrading.

That’s not the view of love—you don’t love me. You view me as someone who wants to use you for my carnal pleasure in an exploitive way, not as someone that wants to explore all his sexual desires with his wife, who he loves, rather than another woman outside our marriage.

You and [other man] fucked each other because you didn’t want to open yourselves to sex and love with your spouses. [Other man] wanted anal sex with [his wife], but she felt it degraded her too—so he went and fucked my wife’s ass. And you were all too happy to comply because it meant your husband wouldn’t be the one degrading you. You liked the taboo of him fucking your ass precisely because it had nothing to do with love and it had nothing to do with me.

From my perspective, I get neither your love nor your lust. I’m the loser who gets [other man's] leftovers when you pity me enough. Again, there’s no love from you; this is a systematic breakdown of my ego and confidence. I haven’t quite figured out exactly how I feel about what you’re doing to me and why.

Also, that’s not a comprehensive list of the sex acts you did. It doesn’t list how often you’d blow him and happily swallow down his cum—it doesn’t mention sex in a bathtub or sex while blindfolded. It doesn’t mention him licking your asshole or you sending him a video, legs spread on our family couch, fingering your soaking wet pussy. Those are just a few of the sex acts I know about that you omitted. Perhaps I need to accept that you’ll never be able to be entirely transparent with me.

Her response to my email just now:

-Missionary
-doggy style
-reverse cow girl
-him eating my ass
-blow jobs (6-8 times)
-fingering
-him giving me oral
-missionary while putting his had on my throat
-reverse cow girl with him having his hand on my neck
-anal sex
-sex blindfolded and handcuffed and him fucking my vagina while I’m laying down
-attempted sex in the bath tub
-send video of attempted masturbation
-sent photos of me naked (8-10)
-him sending me videos of himself jerking off
-handjob
-for sex he would always cum on my stomach or back

[FNQLivin]

I don’t know what you’re looking for. That email response to me is everything you say it isn’t.

She loves you. You are so focused on the negative you can’t see it. You will lose her.

As a kid, my dad would tell me to ‘snap out of it’ to get me to reset. I think you need to reset.

I had an affair when I was married. It was exciting. Intoxicating. It wasn’t because I didn’t love my wife, the affair was the thrill in my life.

The way you are going, you will force the issue and she’ll just leave you anyway.

The demands you are making for her are hard for her to reply to, yet she does. It’s like you want to fully humiliate her before you’ll be happy.

Sorry for being so harsh.

[drstrangelove]

I don’t know what you’re looking for. That email response to me is everything you say it isn’t.

She loves you. You are so focused on the negative you can’t see it. You will lose her.

As a kid, my dad would tell me to ‘snap out of it’ to get me to reset. I think you need to reset.

I had an affair when I was married. It was exciting. Intoxicating. It wasn’t because I didn’t love my wife, the affair was the thrill in my life.

The way you are going, you will force the issue and she’ll just leave you anyway.

The demands you are making for her are hard for her to reply to, yet she does. It’s like you want to fully humiliate her before you’ll be happy.

Sorry for being so harsh.

It's hard for me to see it through that lens, but something I have considered is that I'm opposed, in my soul, of being the one who gives up on our marriage. Maybe a part of me, subconsciously, wants her to walk away from me so I can say she had the affair and then she walked away. I can then look my kids in the eyes the rest of my life and say it was she that quit on us.

Maybe.

But it's also worth noting that I'm only posting the sex-related stuff on this forum. You guys aren't aware of how selfish and unemphatic she has been this last week. You all rightfully told me this wasn't the place to chat about marriage reconciliation, so I'm doing my best to keep this thread active with sex stuff.

[FNQLivin]

Whoa! I’m not one to say to keep this sex related. For whatever reason, I read your story and feel connected to you. Feel free to PM if you want.