Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[Chrislydi]

Yes Dr we only get what's posted and can only comment on that. It therefore falls largely on yourself, with the full picture to come to a more rounded view, one which could easily be obvious to you but not to us.

It's therefore with the extremely restricted insight we get hard not to agree with FNQLivin's conclusions. It does look a commendable effort at explaining her motivations and thoughts on the sex with you, both before, during the affair and now, and that with the other man when she was lying and cheating with her partner in crime. It obviously doesn't go into the huge breakdown in trust, her slanderous betrayal to family, or her misrepresentation and lying to you yourself, but that didn't seem to be it's remit, or at least that of what you would share on here.

I would say you're making extremely good progress, so be careful you're not seeing the wood for the trees.

[drstrangelove]

Whoa! I’m not one to say to keep this sex related. For whatever reason, I read your story and feel connected to you. Feel free to PM if you want.

Understood—that wasn’t anger directed at you. I just recognize that you guys are only seeing a fraction of my life right now, so what you may seem as pettiness from me has a larger picture. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong though and I appreciate the feedback.

[FNQLivin]

When a later incident took place, I remember the shame at having to come clean. I never truly revealed all. My opinion is therefore coloured by my own experience.

[southbound]

I was once in a relationship kind of like this. She loved me, but loved dick just as much. When she said that she wanted to have sex with other people, I could have said, go ahead, but I got pissed and broke it off.
This was an oportunity I missed. Not seeing far enough ahead to realize we could both have what we wanted.

[drstrangelove]

I was once in a relationship kind of like this. She loved me, but loved dick just as much. When she said that she wanted to have sex with other people, I could have said, go ahead, but I got pissed and broke it off.
This was an opportunity I missed. Not seeing far enough ahead to realize we could both have what we wanted.

That's not the case here though. She's not interested in fucking other people--she entered into an exit affair because she was done with our marriage. It all went wrong for her for a variety of reasons and now she's very much re-committed to me. I need to see her show more empathy and remorse before I reconcile though.

As for us being in a cuckold relationship, it's hard to see the path now, but our increased ability to be more open in sexual conversations, can only help my future sex life regardless of the direction it takes.

I'll update you all on a significant revelation from this afternoon as well.

She responded to my last email, where I asked her to give me more detail on how she felt about me in our old sex life. I can tell she was hesitant to be truthful, but we dug in. She told me that our sex life--me largely giving her oral and cuming in my pants--made her feel sad for me. She sees me as a relatively dominant personality in other aspects of life and couldn't understand why I was interested in acting so submissive in bed. She said it seemed like I had no self-respect and I was degrading myself.

I asked her why she preferred that sex act if it meant her husband, the one she loved, was degrading himself. She replied that it was just because she often preferred it to sex with me.

Harsh, but true. I then asked if it also led to her losing respect for me and she said yes.

And then of course, the key question I asked: "Did your lack of respect for me in bed have anything to do with your desire to have a more dominant man fuck you?

Her: "Yes...it did."

So that was a lot to deal with obviously. The phrase, "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" comes to mind. As you all know from my thread, a part of my failings as a lover were designed to get her more interested in other sexual outlets. My mistake was not securing the foundation of our relationship before attempting such a folly.

All that said, there were many factors that led to the affair, but her lack of enjoying sex and seeking a sexual spark was a significant part, so my involvement in my own betrayal is very relevant.

We've been having sex largely nonstop; and had sex twice today already (once while I was halfway through writing this post) and it doesn't feel like this is my wife's guilt--she's now convinced I love and respect her, but it took hundreds of hours of talking and writing each other for her to see that and she's still realizing it more day by day.

We also spent a lot of time talking about how I didn't feel degraded by cuming in my pants because I thought I was in the safety of my wife. She never thought about it like that--when I asked her to do things I wanted (anal, sucking me off after she cums on my dick from intercourse, etc.), she always felt it was me trying to degrade her and make her feel bad and didn't understand why I'd want that. She's now come around to accepting that has a loving married couple, she can "degrade" herself for my pleasure without feeling bad about herself.

She surprised me this afternoon after riding me for 15-20 minutes cowgirl, she came twice; after the second time she hoped off and licked all her cum up and blew me until I came. It was so hot and it seemed really genuine from her, trying to show me that she's open to changing.

We'll see if the empathy and remorse follows in our conversations to follow.

[Chrislydi]

Your understanding and detailed descriptions are very much appreciated and show just how deeply you think about all aspects of completely repairing a badly torn relationship. It always feels like saying something you already know such is your intelligent appraisal of each positive or negative step, but there are so many good signs now that concentrating on areas where there is still progress to be made, can give a little bit of a distorted picture, just as the opposite is true also.

So although the progress may be uneven, in that the sexual and physical part seems a lot further advanced than the open signs of remorse etc, talking is producing answers. The why and how she felt you degraded yourself then, however unjustified, seems to have been partially through lack of understanding and dealing with those feelings of inadequacy and why this is happening. Talking and understanding will help you get past it.

A British idiomatic expression comes to mind, ,'this is almost like teaching your grandma to suck eggs' - a person giving advice to another person in a subject with which the other person is already familiar

[FNQLivin]

Reading this as you wrote it.

You wanted to be a cuckold.
Either intentionally or not, your sexual performance went down.
You both lost sexual desire for each other.
You moved to mainly oral on her and cumming in your boxers
You thought that might encourage her to seek fun and make you a cuckold.

The actual end result was that she saw your loss of performance and cumming in your boxers as demeaning and she lost respect for you, as a man and as a partner. She humoured you in an effort to appease the situation. She then met a man who excited her, was thrilling. It turned out he was good in bed. She justified this to herself with all the reasons that people do.

From a distance, it seems that you drove her to this and that she sought excitement, adventure and lust in someone else. Her sin was to bad mouth you to others to substantiate her reasons to herself and others, should your relationship end. Your angry because she didn’t act out your fantasy in the way that you wanted. Your relationship wasn’t in the correct state in the first place and between the two of you, you both managed to contrive a situation that could destroy your relationship, but neither are faultless.

She seems to me to be really trying and you’re just setting new tests for her, waiting for one to fail, so you can say, ‘see, I told you so…’

Sorry once again for being brutal, but it would only take a little spark for this fire to get out of control and then it’s irretrievable.

[Lucky Dog]

I was once in a relationship kind of like this. She loved me, but loved dick just as much. When she said that she wanted to have sex with other people, I could have said, go ahead, but I got pissed and broke it off.
This was an opportunity I missed. Not seeing far enough ahead to realize we could both have what we wanted.

That's not the case here though. She's not interested in fucking other people--she entered into an exit affair because she was done with our marriage. It all went wrong for her for a variety of reasons and now she's very much re-committed to me. I need to see her show more empathy and remorse before I reconcile though.

As for us being in a cuckold relationship, it's hard to see the path now, but our increased ability to be more open in sexual conversations, can only help my future sex life regardless of the direction it takes.

I'll update you all on a significant revelation from this afternoon as well.

She responded to my last email, where I asked her to give me more detail on how she felt about me in our old sex life. I can tell she was hesitant to be truthful, but we dug in. She told me that our sex life--me largely giving her oral and cuming in my pants--made her feel sad for me. She sees me as a relatively dominant personality in other aspects of life and couldn't understand why I was interested in acting so submissive in bed. She said it seemed like I had no self-respect and I was degrading myself.

I asked her why she preferred that sex act if it meant her husband, the one she loved, was degrading himself. She replied that it was just because she often preferred it to sex with me.

Harsh, but true. I then asked if it also led to her losing respect for me and she said yes.

And then of course, the key question I asked: "Did your lack of respect for me in bed have anything to do with your desire to have a more dominant man fuck you?

Her: "Yes...it did."

So that was a lot to deal with obviously. The phrase, "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" comes to mind. As you all know from my thread, a part of my failings as a lover were designed to get her more interested in other sexual outlets. My mistake was not securing the foundation of our relationship before attempting such a folly.

All that said, there were many factors that led to the affair, but her lack of enjoying sex and seeking a sexual spark was a significant part, so my involvement in my own betrayal is very relevant.

We've been having sex largely nonstop; and had sex twice today already (once while I was halfway through writing this post) and it doesn't feel like this is my wife's guilt--she's now convinced I love and respect her, but it took hundreds of hours of talking and writing each other for her to see that and she's still realizing it more day by day.

We also spent a lot of time talking about how I didn't feel degraded by cuming in my pants because I thought I was in the safety of my wife. She never thought about it like that--when I asked her to do things I wanted (anal, sucking me off after she cums on my dick from intercourse, etc.), she always felt it was me trying to degrade her and make her feel bad and didn't understand why I'd want that. She's now come around to accepting that has a loving married couple, she can "degrade" herself for my pleasure without feeling bad about herself.

She surprised me this afternoon after riding me for 15-20 minutes cowgirl, she came twice; after the second time she hoped off and licked all her cum up and blew me until I came. It was so hot and it seemed really genuine from her, trying to show me that she's open to changing.

We'll see if the empathy and remorse follows in our conversations to follow.

This post made me really happy, because of the great communication between the two of you, how much closer you seem to have gotten, and how you both may be getting what you need in your relationship. Any time a couple can do this, it's great. Hope it continues to get even better.

[drstrangelove]

I know it's been awhile, but I thought I'd post. It's been a bumpy ride over the last month, and that includes our sex life. It's been mostly good, but still issues arise. Of interest, we have a couple of times fooled around with her role-playing that I can't have sex with her, touch her, see her pussy, get a BJ, etc.--only a HJ. She's fun at teasing the scenario out and it's enjoyable. I also don't recall if I mentioned it, but she got a vibrator and loves it. She attempted to use it once on her own but couldn't quite get an orgasm, but we've been using it a lot together--she'll use it as a warm up and then ask for sex to finish her off. Mostly though, we're having normal sex--a first for a long time in our relationship--and it's been fun.

Yesterday was also the first time I watched porn and masterbated since the affair reveal on March 15. Historically, I was always jerking off to cuckold and cheating porn, so I had been staying away from the entire thing as it hit too close to come. I tried to watch some lesbian porn to ease back in, but I wasn't feeling it. I swapped over to cuckold porn right away--it was a scene of a husband watching his wife get fucked on a couch. All I could think about was my wife getting fucked by the other guy. I jerked off a came right away to the scene as I was really turned on.

It's a weird feeling--I think I'm essentially over the trauma of her fucking another guy--it literally turns me on. But I'm still incredibly hurt and betrayed that we didn't have the bond I thought we had--she treated me like a piece of garbage and badmouthed me to everyone. And I understand her warped justifications for what she did--and recognize she was and still is experiencing a depression--but it's hard to know how this relationship pans out right now.

I recognize that I want to spend my life in a honest and loving partnership--one where I can explore my kinks (and hers)--but I still worry that my wife doesn't have love and desire for me. So for the time being, all I can do is focus on getting myself right and observe my wife's behavior to see if I'll be able to feel safe with her again.

Anyway, I hope all of you are well.

[Chrislydi]

Thanks for the detailed update Dr.S, it's good to see there are still positives even if progress is patchy. I'm aways impressed at how you sum it up so conscisely even though only highlighting relevant bits to this forum. Keep trying, you'll get there and good luck.

Chris

Ignore below

(Is your wife still spending inordinate amounts of time chatting to her online friend still? - excuse me of I've mixed this thread up with another but I remember this was a real problem on the thread in thinking of. - wrong thread I was thinking of a virtual cuckold newaussiecuck's one )

[Mad Dog65]

It's a weird feeling--I think I'm essentially over the trauma of her fucking another guy--it literally turns me on. But I'm still incredibly hurt and betrayed that we didn't have the bond I thought we had--she treated me like a piece of garbage and badmouthed me to everyone. And I understand her warped justifications for what she did--and recognize she was and still is experiencing a depression--but it's hard to know how this relationship pans out right now.

I recognize that I want to spend my life in a honest and loving partnership--one where I can explore my kinks (and hers)--but I still worry that my wife doesn't have love and desire for me. So for the time being, all I can do is focus on getting myself right and observe my wife's behavior to see if I'll be able to feel safe with her again.

Anyway, I hope all of you are well.

Dr S, your story resonates with mine in alot of different ways. Thank you for sharing your reflections here as they are invaluable for all who have had similar experiences and may not have the language to articulate the journey. In the end all you can do is focus on being your honest and true to yourself and then you can be the best partner and father and friend. I wish you both good luck on this journey of repair and rebuilding.

[chris]

DrS, I applaud you for another wonderfully honest post.

I think you’re experiencing PTSD from a betrayal. It is going to take time and patience for you to get to the other side, and in the meantime your wife bears the duty of complete and total honesty and unusual openness about everything. Suggest Googling on the subject of trust for tips for the aggressor and for the injured (you).

I also think the cuckold thing is part of who you are now. I hope she can accept that side of you because try as you might it ain’t going away. It’s an integral part of your sexual identity and you’re vulnerable that way. Having said that I also suggest you avoid making it unhealthy — such as indulging in too much cuckold porn

[drstrangelove]

DrS, I applaud you for another wonderfully honest post.

I think you’re experiencing PTSD from a betrayal. It is going to take time and patience for you to get to the other side, and in the meantime your wife bears the duty of complete and total honesty and unusual openness about everything. Suggest Googling on the subject of trust for tips for the aggressor and for the injured (you).

I also think the cuckold thing is part of who you are now. I hope she can accept that side of you because try as you might it ain’t going away. It’s an integral part of your sexual identity and you’re vulnerable that way. Having said that I also suggest you avoid making it unhealthy — such as indulging in too much cuckold porn

I think your post is spot on. I've been reading a ton on betrayal trauma and infidelity--also posting on an infidelity forum regularly for some great community support. And my wife and I are doing individual and couple's therapy. So there's no lack of effort on either of our parts.

As for my cuckolding fetish, you're right--it's not going away. And you're also right that I need to control it and not let it take control of me. I need to keep exploring it with my wife so I can feel less vulnerable with her about it. Honesty has never been my problem, but the shame is there, especially in how she can react to it.

**

This morning, after we drove back home from couples therapy, we chatted in a bit in our garage after we parked. Eventually my wife initiated and started kissing me, into a HJ, and then into a BJ--she is on her period, so no reciprocation was possible. She swallowed and then wiped some dripping cum off her mouth (was hot to watch). For her, it was an act of kindness and love, and I'm so thankful for it--but it's also confusing as hell for me.

On Feb. 8, she met the other guy in his car in a parking garage, while on her period. They talked, then she started kissing him, then she blew him, swallowed, and they talked for a few more minutes before she ran to catch the train home. It's all I could think about while we were hooking up.

In my mind, the fantasies are just rolling--I'm imagining him getting the BJ and telling her to go kiss me hello when she gets home. And then to make me eat her out and cum in my pants later that night because her pussy, ass and mouth were all his now--I don't get access to them anymore. It's all the typical submissive cuckold stuff running through my head. I know that didn't happen, but my running with the fantasy in sexual situations is happening all the time--especially if I'm getting a HJ or BJ as I'm less actively involved.

I've been largely honest and I told her afterwards it was a bit of a trigger for me--us playing out a nearly identical sexual scenario as she did with him. I probed a bit about the details of the differences between the two meetings (Feb. 8 vs. today). She only noted two differences really--one, what she always says--his dick was significantly smaller so she had to skip the HJ (with me we made out while she gave me a HJ to start off for a few minutes before she gave me the BJ; with him, she couldn't give him a HJ very easily); two, with me it was loving and tender as we kissed, with him it was lustful and passionate.

I asked how she felt afterward with both--and in both cases she said she felt great afterwards. With me, she wanted to be generous and loving and show she cared for me, so she felt good knowing I enjoyed it. With him, she felt an ego boost and increased confidence from pleasing him--she did add though that Feb. 8 specifically was the first time he didn't send her a follow-up text afterward that night--so she went to bed feeling a bit used and that carried over to the next day.

I also asked about his dick again, as his small size is something she constantly brings up. She made it clear she doesn't bring it up for my benefit to make me feel better; she just describes it as an issue in their hookups. She said sex with him felt physically lacking--the situation of the sex was the hottest thing she's ever done, but she often was actively thinking how she wished she could feel more during it. She said BJs with him were good though because him having a smaller dick made them easier on her.

Anyway, I like focusing on the sex because it's the part that doesn't hurt me. The rest of the aspects of the affair are like daggers in my heart.

I know these posts are less sexy than many other threads, but I find it therapeutic to write about this stuff and I can't imagine doing it anywhere else lol.

[Chrislydi]

Dr S these posts are far more interesting than the bland 'samey' stuff on other threads where you constantly feel you've read similar somewhere else before. Yours are generally well thought out, structured, informative and stand out from the crowd. They also give details of the sex within a recovery context, more reflective in tone with references to the history of her betrayal but accompanied with details of the ongoing steps being taken, such as couples therapy. You also don't pretend all is rosy or disastrous but paint a more complex and intricate picture highlighting where it's better and where there are still problems. It may be therapeutic for you, and I hope that continues, but it's also very intriguing to follow. Optimism Is still the overriding emotion I get from it.

Chris

[drstrangelove]

Dr S these posts are far more interesting than the bland 'samey' stuff on other threads where you constantly feel you've read similar somewhere else before. Yours are generally well thought out, structured, informative and stand out from the crowd. They also give details of the sex within a recovery context, more reflective in tone with references to the history of her betrayal but accompanied with details of the ongoing steps being taken, such as couples therapy. You also don't pretend all is rosy or disastrous but paint a more complex and intricate picture highlighting where it's better and where there are still problems. It may be therapeutic for you, and I hope that continues, but it's also very intriguing to follow. Optimism Is still the overriding emotion I get from it.

Chris

Thanks, Chris.

We definitely have our bumps, but our sex life has been optimistic lately. We got her a vibrator a few weeks ago and she loves it--she's asking to use it while we play regularly now and she just took it on her work trip (and sent me a video). I can tell it really opened up her idea of exploring sexuality. She's much more open to my kinks now and just generally looks at sex a little more open-minded than before.

A few people throughout this thread had suggested a vibrator and I didn't push it until now--I'm regretful of not listening earlier.

Anyway, one new development that came the other night was she told me even though I'm often focused on her orgasms, I still needed to always cum myself. I told her that's BS and we went back and forth. I finally suggested she make a bet, so she did. She bet me $500 that I couldn't go three days without cuming (with her still allowed to get sexual gratification with me involved).

I decided to say fuck it and took it as my opportunity to suggest a chastity cage to prove me point--she could hold the key to ensure I went the full time. She started to waiver a bit--I suspect the idea of a chastity cage intimidated her a bit; perhaps too extreme. So I let it go for the moment.

Now with her traveling, I worked it back into the conversation and said I was going to order one--she clearly had thought about it at least a little, because she responded way more optimistically, writing that she thought it would be fun and kinky.

It was over text, so I don't know how genuine she was being, but the cage is now on its way. I also shared with her a key holder guide for dummies and she checked it out. I'm going to ease into it as our relationship is still a mess, but her open-mindedness was a big deal for me. If I choose to stay with her, I want to be able to explore all my interests, so this was a big sign that she'll be more receptive moving forward.

[Chrislydi]

Thanks, Chris.

We definitely have our bumps, but our sex life has been optimistic lately. We got her a vibrator a few weeks ago and she loves it--she's asking to use it while we play regularly now and she just took it on her work trip (and sent me a video). I can tell it really opened up her idea of exploring sexuality. She's much more open to my kinks now and just generally looks at sex a little more open-minded than before.

A few people throughout this thread had suggested a vibrator and I didn't push it until now--I'm regretful of not listening earlier.

Anyway, one new development that came the other night was she told me even though I'm often focused on her orgasms, I still needed to always cum myself. I told her that's BS and we went back and forth. I finally suggested she make a bet, so she did. She bet me $500 that I couldn't go three days without cuming (with her still allowed to get sexual gratification with me involved).

I decided to say fuck it and took it as my opportunity to suggest a chastity cage to prove me point--she could hold the key to ensure I went the full time. She started to waiver a bit--I suspect the idea of a chastity cage intimidated her a bit; perhaps too extreme. So I let it go for the moment.

Now with her traveling, I worked it back into the conversation and said I was going to order one--she clearly had thought about it at least a little, because she responded way more optimistically, writing that she thought it would be fun and kinky.

It was over text, so I don't know how genuine she was being, but the cage is now on its way. I also shared with her a key holder guide for dummies and she checked it out. I'm going to ease into it as our relationship is still a mess, but her open-mindedness was a big deal for me. If I choose to stay with her, I want to be able to explore all my interests, so this was a big sign that she'll be more receptive moving forward.

Normally most would caution you as to make sure the marriage is rock solid before taking any steps in this direction, and still be careful not to push this too far that it adds stress and strains to an already far from settled situation. However for all that I recognise you need this in your life and her apparent movement towards accepting such a limited 'fun' bet might well prove an enlightened step in the right direction rather than anything negative. I hope she continues to accept this side of you but be very, very careful and put the marriage getting stronger as the priority, one might follow the other now you've planted the seed, further progress down this route will be far more stable and secure with a much better chance of success if done so with that solid base secured. Lastly the usual bit about us only peering through the smallest of windows and seeing but a tiny portion of what truly makes a marriage a properly functioning and loving one reported. So recognise the real state of your marriage, all the non reported everyday interactions and mundane stuff too and let the whole picture inform you of how progress really is, let this overall situation guide you as to when and where it's really much safer to continue to suggest any further steps you both might take along this road.

Chris

[jratt85]

Dr S these posts are far more interesting than the bland 'samey' stuff on other threads where you constantly feel you've read similar somewhere else before. Yours are generally well thought out, structured, informative and stand out from the crowd. They also give details of the sex within a recovery context, more reflective in tone with references to the history of her betrayal but accompanied with details of the ongoing steps being taken, such as couples therapy. You also don't pretend all is rosy or disastrous but paint a more complex and intricate picture highlighting where it's better and where there are still problems. It may be therapeutic for you, and I hope that continues, but it's also very intriguing to follow. Optimism Is still the overriding emotion I get from it.

Chris

Thanks, Chris.

We definitely have our bumps, but our sex life has been optimistic lately. We got her a vibrator a few weeks ago and she loves it--she's asking to use it while we play regularly now and she just took it on her work trip (and sent me a video). I can tell it really opened up her idea of exploring sexuality. She's much more open to my kinks now and just generally looks at sex a little more open-minded than before.

A few people throughout this thread had suggested a vibrator and I didn't push it until now--I'm regretful of not listening earlier.

Anyway, one new development that came the other night was she told me even though I'm often focused on her orgasms, I still needed to always cum myself. I told her that's BS and we went back and forth. I finally suggested she make a bet, so she did. She bet me $500 that I couldn't go three days without cuming (with her still allowed to get sexual gratification with me involved).

I decided to say fuck it and took it as my opportunity to suggest a chastity cage to prove me point--she could hold the key to ensure I went the full time. She started to waiver a bit--I suspect the idea of a chastity cage intimidated her a bit; perhaps too extreme. So I let it go for the moment.

Now with her traveling, I worked it back into the conversation and said I was going to order one--she clearly had thought about it at least a little, because she responded way more optimistically, writing that she thought it would be fun and kinky.

It was over text, so I don't know how genuine she was being, but the cage is now on its way. I also shared with her a key holder guide for dummies and she checked it out. I'm going to ease into it as our relationship is still a mess, but her open-mindedness was a big deal for me. If I choose to stay with her, I want to be able to explore all my interests, so this was a big sign that she'll be more receptive moving forward.

The only thing about this is you might be leading back into that role that she says made her cheat to begin with.. It's obvious she likes you being more dominant and you taking a submissive role puts you in that "weak" position that she didn't like and supposedly lost respect for you because of.. I think you're treading on very thin ice with your natural interest in cuckolding and being submissive, it really doesn't sound like she has a dominant bone in her body and just wants to be taken.. I don't think she understands the idea of a switch either. You've taken the dominant aggressive role for her and she loved it, but you just naturally keep coming back to being submissive.. I definitely think that if you stay together in the long run, you are going to need a dominant partner for both of you, though she might not want to share them at that point.

I'd definitely suggest you getting some toys for yourself, a prostate massager etc for when you're playing alone but be wary over just how submissive you act with her.

[chris]

I understand your need to express the cuckold/submissive in you. I understand it’s a deal-breaker.

However in order to get that need met, and no matter how strong that need feels, I believe you have to focus on the marriage first. Without that, you will likely end up with nothing.

[Chrislydi]

jratt85 posted

'It's obvious she likes you being more dominant and you taking a submissive role puts you in that "weak" position that she didn't like and supposedly lost respect for you because of.. I think you're treading on very thin ice..'

There have been threads very recently highlighting this as perhaps a notable trait for quite a sizeable percentage of women, at least putting that idea out there for discussion. In your case I would think it more than likely the case. Tread very carefully before you take any further steps which might be perceived as submissive, the LS can surely break a marriage quicker than most other lifestyles if there are huge fault lines running through it to begin with. Establish the solid loving base first.

Chris

[residueS]

How are things going lately, does the chastity pan out? Hope all is well.

[drstrangelove]

How are things going lately, does the chastity pan out? Hope all is well.

Sorry for the lack of updates. My wife and I are on separate vacations right now—I didn’t want to go with her to visit her family.

The cock cage didn’t pan out—it was on me, I just feel too awkward pushing it right now. I’m sure I’ll revisit it down the line. It still turns me on, but I think I need my wife to be more of driver of it and right now she likely feels too awkward about it all things considered.

Our sex life has been largely great—we’re having sex or I’m getting a BJ virtually every day, and sometimes we go multiple times a day. Most of it is fairly straight-forward and non-kink. But we are also still sorting through a tremendous amount of emotional baggage.

I’ve avoiding giving those kind of updates here, but essentially, I’m still looking for her to show more remorse for what she’s done. I see progress and I’m hopeful we can reconcile. And a part of any reconciliation would be more open communication on my kink, so there’s potential for something sexually interesting to still develop. You’ll all just need to bare with me on this—I know it’s slow going.

[KevDi69]

Hang in there and do what you need to get your marriage back on track.

[residueS]

How are things going lately, does the chastity pan out? Hope all is well.

Sorry for the lack of updates. My wife and I are on separate vacations right now—I didn’t want to go with her to visit her family.

The cock cage didn’t pan out—it was on me, I just feel too awkward pushing it right now. I’m sure I’ll revisit it down the line. It still turns me on, but I think I need my wife to be more of driver of it and right now she likely feels too awkward about it all things considered.

Our sex life has been largely great—we’re having sex or I’m getting a BJ virtually every day, and sometimes we go multiple times a day. Most of it is fairly straight-forward and non-kink. But we are also still sorting through a tremendous amount of emotional baggage.

I’ve avoiding giving those kind of updates here, but essentially, I’m still looking for her to show more remorse for what she’s done. I see progress and I’m hopeful we can reconcile. And a part of any reconciliation would be more open communication on my kink, so there’s potential for something sexually interesting to still develop. You’ll all just need to bare with me on this—I know it’s slow going.

Thanks for the update! Speaking of her family, did her mother intentionally outed her affair? I think someone mentioned that is a possibility. I assume any interaction with her family would be rather awkward after how she portrayed you to them?

[drstrangelove]

How are things going lately, does the chastity pan out? Hope all is well.

Sorry for the lack of updates. My wife and I are on separate vacations right now—I didn’t want to go with her to visit her family.

The cock cage didn’t pan out—it was on me, I just feel too awkward pushing it right now. I’m sure I’ll revisit it down the line. It still turns me on, but I think I need my wife to be more of driver of it and right now she likely feels too awkward about it all things considered.

Our sex life has been largely great—we’re having sex or I’m getting a BJ virtually every day, and sometimes we go multiple times a day. Most of it is fairly straight-forward and non-kink. But we are also still sorting through a tremendous amount of emotional baggage.

I’ve avoiding giving those kind of updates here, but essentially, I’m still looking for her to show more remorse for what she’s done. I see progress and I’m hopeful we can reconcile. And a part of any reconciliation would be more open communication on my kink, so there’s potential for something sexually interesting to still develop. You’ll all just need to bare with me on this—I know it’s slow going.

Thanks for the update! Speaking of her family, did her mother intentionally outed her affair? I think someone mentioned that is a possibility. I assume any interaction with her family would be rather awkward after how she portrayed you to them?

Nah, it wasn’t intentional. Both my MIL and my wife have poor hearing, so they speak loudly. I overheard things my MIL was saying while I was upstairs (I wrote a post about it on March 15/16). What I overheard confirmed all the red flags I was seeing, so I called my wife out—she gave me a BS story, so I had to steal her phone while she was sleeping to get the hard proof. Still, it took three more days of her trickling lies and truth to me before she finally came fully clean.

I have since patched things up with her family though. My MIL was very angry with my wife briefly as my wife had been misrepresenting everything to her—my MIL felt used by all the lies my wife was sharing all so my wife can find someone to justify her affair.

I’ve had lengthy conversations with my MIL, FIL and SIL over the months—my decision to not join my wife wasn’t because of them, it’s just the emotional turmoil of our current relationship—I don’t want to be on her home turf if there’s a blowup right now. Things are better, but I don’t have confidence it’s safe yet.

[Rogueuser1]

Glad to hear things are still heading in the right direction --- trust is easy to destroy in a moment but it is a long, hard slog to rebuild it and you are living that right now. Thanks for keeping us up to date.