Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[afagehi7]

I notice guys here posting all kinds of wild fantasies from mfm, fmf, to being humiliated, wife leaving, getting Prego, etc... The list is long, far, and wide. Rarely do we see any of the females (well verified females) post any kinds of wild fantasies. Some even say they don't have fantasies.

Based on this, I'd say that fantasizing about wild scenarios is largely a male activity... Or are y'all ladies holding out on us.

I'm guessing it's like watching strippers, this is largely a guy thing, sure on occasion a woman may watch a Chippendale or even a female stripper, but largely this is a man thing.

Would y'all agree? Fantasizing, especially about wild* encounters, is a male dominated sport?

*Wild - for lack of a better term

Some of us have fantasies, some of us don't. Either way, men try to tell us how and why we should have or do them . It's so easy to see on the forums when someone asks a female opinion, and the female opinion is pushed aside.

My question wasn't really about having fantasies but the extreme content. You see so many guys posting their fantasies about wearing a dress, getting their balls smashed with a hammer while shooting whip cream up there nose and smearing bananas in their eyes... My question was, and I posit, that few women have these extreme types of fantasies... I'm suggesting that it's a guy thing.

[Farmgirl]

Some of us have fantasies, some of us don't. Either way, men try to tell us how and why we should have or do them . It's so easy to see on the forums when someone asks a female opinion, and the female opinion is pushed aside.

My question wasn't really about having fantasies but the extreme content. You see so many guys posting their fantasies about wearing a dress, getting their balls smashed with a hammer while shooting whip cream up there nose and smearing bananas in their eyes... My question was, and I posit, that few women have these extreme types of fantasies... I'm suggesting that it's a guy thing.

Oh, I know what you meant and I answered it, I believe, with your perspective in mind. I think you just weren't a tune with how I put it .

It is because some men predominantly have these, shall we say Outlandish, fantasies, that when one of us VHWs give our opinion, they ignore it, mansplain it, or just gloss over it as if it didn't exist. That is because our real female desires and thoughts don't align with their fantasies ( the hammer, the bananas, and all).
They could listen to us and our input to learn about real women and sex, but since our reality doesn't fit their fantasy, we can't possibly have a valid view of women and sex.
It's not all men, there are some very good ones here. But there is a significant group that has fantasy brain and no reality gets in.
I know I irritate some, but Hey, I try to keep the fantasy stuff in check on here. Why not just endeavor to enjoy reality-based fantasy when it comes to women and sex.
Although a blow-up doll wouldn't care unless you poked a hole when smashing his balls with the hammer.

[redredbull]

Do you regret anything about this lifestyle??

[Liese]

some men predominantly have these, shall we say Outlandish, fantasies, that when one of us VHWs give our opinion, they ignore it, mansplain it, or just gloss over it as if it didn't exist. That is because our real female desires and thoughts don't align with their fantasies ( the hammer, the bananas, and all).
They could listen to us and our input to learn about real women and sex, but since our reality doesn't fit their fantasy, we can't possibly have a valid view of women and sex.
It's not all men, there are some very good ones here. But there is a significant group that has fantasy brain and no reality gets in.

Well put! This certainly reflects my experience in the lifestyle, especially online. In person, more of the guys with experience tend to have a better grasp on reality.

And I'm so glad you're back, Farmgirl!

[Farmgirl]

And I'm so glad you're back, Farmgirl!

Thank you, Liese!!

[Herman71]

I have a question for the HW’s or men with knowledge of this only. If anyone was abused as a child how did it affect her getting into or going into the HW lifestyle?

[Marinecuckplease]

Are there any hotwives whose husbands are alphas and satisfied you sexually before becoming hotwives? What made you take the leap to leave happiness and security for little gain? While it is absolutly a turn on for me to share her. I think its more about wanting her to experience something different other than me.

[Farmgirl]

Do you regret anything about this lifestyle??

None at all!

If I could fix things about the lifestyle, it would be to give men the desire for sex that most think they have, then we wouldn't have to hunt so hard .

[Farmgirl]

Are there any hotwives whose husbands are alphas and satisfied you sexually before becoming hotwives? What made you take the leap to leave happiness and security for little gain? While it is absolutly a turn on for me to share her. I think its more about wanting her to experience something different other than me.

My husband is (for lack of a better word) very Alpha, and has always satisfied me sexually. It's not about me being unsatisfied, it's about me being myself and him loving me for it. I enjoy variety, he wants me to enjoy myself. He isn't threatened, rather he is very secure in who he is.
And, I didn't "leave happiness and security", and there was no "little gain". He and I have all of the happiness and security of anyone, and I would say more than the majority. The gain was quite immense to our marriage!

[Marinecuckplease]

Are there any hotwives whose husbands are alphas and satisfied you sexually before becoming hotwives? What made you take the leap to leave happiness and security for little gain? While it is absolutly a turn on for me to share her. I think its more about wanting her to experience something different other than me.

My husband is (for lack of a better word) very Alpha, and has always satisfied me sexually. It's not about me being unsatisfied, it's about me being myself and him loving me for it. I enjoy variety, he wants me to enjoy myself. He isn't threatened, rather he is very secure in who he is.
And, I didn't "leave happiness and security", and there was no "little gain". He and I have all of the happiness and security of anyone, and I would say more than the majority. The gain was quite immense to our marriage!

I feel that is exactly what i want for my wife. To go experience other peoples thoughts and for her to find out who she really is. Not just what shes " supposed" to be.
I didnt mean to insult or insinuate anything by "leave happiness and security" or "little to gain". I am assuming those would be my wifes arguments as thas is usually her thought process

[Farmgirl]

I feel that is exactly what i want for my wife. To go experience other peoples thoughts and for her to find out who she really is. Not just what shes " supposed" to be.
I didnt mean to insult or insinuate anything by "leave happiness and security" or "little to gain". I am assuming those would be my wifes arguments as thas is usually her thought process

Continue to read, ask, and learn so you have answers to her questions and concerns. She can only feel secure about this if you are sure about it and have the needed answers.

[Marinecuckplease]

I feel that is exactly what i want for my wife. To go experience other peoples thoughts and for her to find out who she really is. Not just what shes " supposed" to be.
I didnt mean to insult or insinuate anything by "leave happiness and security" or "little to gain". I am assuming those would be my wifes arguments as thas is usually her thought process

Continue to read, ask, and learn so you have answers to her questions and concerns. She can only feel secure about this if you are sure about it and have the needed answers.

Thank you

[feetuji]

Question: do you ever had a bull* getting jealous about your partner or even other bulls? A guy trying to be dominating perhaps or possessive?
Not exactly related but what about a dangerous bull tou barely know? Maybe a robber, a sexual abuser etc?

* Bull...in the lack for a better word to mean a guy that its not your partner, but a lover, a fuck buddy,whatever.

[2inUPMichigan]

Question: do you ever had a bull* getting jealous about your partner or even other bulls? A guy trying to be dominating perhaps or possessive?
Not exactly related but what about a dangerous bull tou barely know? Maybe a robber, a sexual abuser etc?

* Bull...in the lack for a better word to mean a guy that its not your partner, but a lover, a fuck buddy,whatever.

I purposely do not meet men quickly but instead spend some time trying to get to know them and how they would treat me. A man who thinks this is an easy way to get a woman alone to rape or rob will probably get bored after 2 weeks of texting and not meeting. This isn't instant gratification for me, and that is what those crimes have in common (in my opinion).

Any woman who plays alone needs to be aware of her surroundings (exits, anything that looks out of place, something that could be used against her), be able to either physically get herself out of trouble or be able to talk herself out of trouble.

I am clear from the beginning that I will not be exclusive with any man that I play with (its even in my profile). I make it a point early on to talk about other men I am playing with or in contact with (for potential future fun) so that there is no misunderstanding and also to gauge their reaction.

A dominant man is a turn on, a possessive one is not. I will correct his misunderstanding after one comment, but will consider cutting off contact after two.

[feetuji]

Thanks for your answer. And sorry for wrong use of the word "dominant". In my mind I was think ng on possessive lol

[parklife]

How do I tell my wife it’s ok if she has someone else as her primary sexual intercourse partner?


Ive been around a while, we’re not new but things have morphed and changed. I’m not a “cuck” in the traditional sense but I’m also not a “stag” for whatever it means. I have a hotwife, she has FWB…. Personally, my self confidence in the bedroom when it comes to intercourse is lacking. I’ve explained that to her and she feels like it’s because I’ve defaulted to using a sleeve and ultimately to taking care of myself manually after bringer her to orgasm orally (she’s a one and done kind of girl so after her orgasm, it’s really about just getting me off because she’s over it). She thinks I’ve made my cock so sensitive that when we do fuck, I’m Bo md to orgasm quickly because it’s the “wow” factor. She thinks if we fuck I n the traditional sense, I’ll re-build a “tolerance” and last longer.

It sounds great in theory…. But she introduced that idea a week ago and I’ve been turned down everytime I attempt to initiate sex. That being said, frankly, I’m at the point where I just don’t care about fucking. She has someone she loves fucking.. she loooks forward to fucking. And I’m ok with it. I feel she’s trying to force our intimacy and I just don’t know how to tell her that our connection/togetherness is what I truly care about regardless of fucking. Ultimately, I think she feels guilty about how she “thinks” we should be and how we currently are.

I want to tell her I just don’t care about fucking as long as we can still have Anna give sex life in other ways. I mean, if she’s not feeling it with intercourse, why make it such a big deal. It’s not to me…. But if I say that, I’m concerned she’ll take it as I don’t want it. Which is the furthest from the truth…. I do, I’m just no good at it (meaning I’m currently having performance issues).

I’m losing my own train of thought. I guess ultimately I’m trying to figure out how to convey the fact that I love her to death, I want to please her but that o recognize that we’re just not currently there and I want her to feel ok about that and ok about the fact she does have someone that satisfies that need while kilt taking away from what I provide.

Not even sure I’m making sense but I assume some hotwives will understand what I’m saying/asking.

[Liese]

I understand what you mean. I think you've discovered how your dick works, and how it doesn't work, and what you want in your sex life as a result. And that's important info for every guy to know. And it seems you've offered reasonable accommodations to your wife for you both to find satisfaction, separately and together. I'm sorry she's not hearing it and thinking she can make you change how it works for you.

[smith812]

Need some quick thoughts and insight….

Wife going out next week on a 4th date with her Bull and up to this point it’s been condoms and safe sex. I personally believe no condom is a very intimate thing to do and have been reluctant to say the least in being on board with them going bare.

Am I being far too uptight here and making “too many rules” that we are trying to avoid so that she can relax and simply have fun?

Thanks in advance for the feedback and advice.

- L

[Farmgirl]

Need some quick thoughts and insight….

Wife going out next week on a 4th date with her Bull and up to this point it’s been condoms and safe sex. I personally believe no condom is a very intimate thing to do and have been reluctant to say the least in being on board with them going bare.

Am I being far too uptight here and making “too many rules” that we are trying to avoid so that she can relax and simply have fun?

Thanks in advance for the feedback and advice.

- L

I answered your question in your thread in the Hotwife forum. If you would like to follow up, let me know here or there.

[2inUPMichigan]

Need some quick thoughts and insight….

Wife going out next week on a 4th date with her Bull and up to this point it’s been condoms and safe sex. I personally believe no condom is a very intimate thing to do and have been reluctant to say the least in being on board with them going bare.

Am I being far too uptight here and making “too many rules” that we are trying to avoid so that she can relax and simply have fun?

Thanks in advance for the feedback and advice.

- L

My first thought is that if the two of you have an agreement that condoms are necessary then that should be respected by everyone involved.
My hubby and I talked about condoms and testing and agreed that both were necessary for everyone involved. If a man doesn't respect what is important to us he does get invited back. (He doesn't get to make the condoms decision! Either he accepts the decision the two of you made or he walks)

Now if this change is something being initiated by your wife then there shouldn't be another play date until the two of you sit down and discuss whether or not BOTH of you want to renegotiate your agreement.

Is this really about a rule? Or is this about communication?

I would say it is more about communication. Sit down with your wife and tell her you want to talk about your original agreement and ask if there is anything she wants to renegotiate. (It is healthy to reevaluate things from time to time as both of you change through this journey.)
Then bring up the fact that condoms were part of your original agreement and ask for her reasons why SHE wants to change things. If she tells you it is him asking for the change that could be a red flag
Talk to each other and really listen so that you can find what works for both of you. Then she can tell him what changes, if any, have been made.

Good luck!

[smith812]

Need some quick thoughts and insight….

Wife going out next week on a 4th date with her Bull and up to this point it’s been condoms and safe sex. I personally believe no condom is a very intimate thing to do and have been reluctant to say the least in being on board with them going bare.

Am I being far too uptight here and making “too many rules” that we are trying to avoid so that she can relax and simply have fun?

Thanks in advance for the feedback and advice.

- L

My first thought is that if the two of you have an agreement that condoms are necessary then that should be respected by everyone involved.
My hubby and I talked about condoms and testing and agreed that both were necessary for everyone involved. If a man doesn't respect what is important to us he does get invited back. (He doesn't get to make the condoms decision! Either he accepts the decision the two of you made or he walks)

Now if this change is something being initiated by your wife then there shouldn't be another play date until the two of you sit down and discuss whether or not BOTH of you want to renegotiate your agreement.

Is this really about a rule? Or is this about communication?

I would say it is more about communication. Sit down with your wife and tell her you want to talk about your original agreement and ask if there is anything she wants to renegotiate. (It is healthy to reevaluate things from time to time as both of you change through this journey.)
Then bring up the fact that condoms were part of your original agreement and ask for her reasons why SHE wants to change things. If she tells you it is him asking for the change that could be a red flag
Talk to each other and really listen so that you can find what works for both of you. Then she can tell him what changes, if any, have been made.

Good luck!

THank you very much for your insight and advice! It’s appreciated on my end a ton!

L

[Goodhubby7]

Hello to all you fabulous ladies. Im looking for some female advice, opinions and chat and an overall female perspective on things and not just excited fantasy guy talk.
In a nutshell i want to know if there is any potential for my wife to possibly be a hotwife.
She is 43, 8 years younger than me. She is extremely attractive and very gym fit. Very intelligent and well-educated. Runs her own successful small business. We used to have quite an adventurous sex life and she is most certainly a natural Dom and i a natural submissive.
About 6 years ago after our 2nd child she completely lost her sex drive. I said i would wait, understood and wouldnt ever pressure her. Slowly sex faded and about 2 years ago was the last time we had sex. Me being sub didnt moan or push.
Laste year i had strong suspicions she had cheated but never found proof. I was hoping to and offer the hotwife option as a solution sort of.
Obviously theres a lot more details so a chat would be good to explore more.
Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated. Dm me if possible.x

[Liese]

Goodhubby7, you do need a chat, but you need to have it with your wife. You need to ask her where she's at sexually, and let her know where you are at sexually. Discuss your desires and interests, etc. Hubby and I opened things up for us by talking honestly about what we did and didn't want sexually.

You may discover things that don't make you happy, but I think it's better to know what's really what, than to try to guess, and/or to live in doubt.

Good luck.

[Herman71]

I posted this in the wannabes section first but this forum here is more suitable.
You all probably don’t remember our history so I will give a little refresher. My wife and I have had a few mfm fun times together. She has even had a couple of alone times with her friend. That was two years ago. She has said she isn’t interested anymore in anyone but me. The other day she asked me to find a recipe that she had looked at earlier on her phone. While I was searching for it I saw that she had googled “why does my husband want me to be a hotwife”. I was just curious as to you guys’ thoughts on her search. Is she really curious about restarting her/our fun. Or does she think her husband is just a freak LOL. We have talked about it in depth and she says she’s not interested anymore but also when we are making love she brings it up a lot. Any thoughts on how I can communicate better with her about this without making her feel like I’m pushing her? Thank you for your input!!

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Hello Hotwives,

I recently had the talk with my wife. My question for the hotwives is for those that were initially a hard no.

How long after did you start fantasizing or thinking about sleeping with other men after your husband told you about their hotwife fantasy?

Can you tell me how the thought started to grow in your mind and what that process was like?

Was it hard to get out of your mind you could sleep with other men and your husband was turned on by it?

I'm just looking for advice and want to better understand the hotwife mind after learning about your husband's desires. Thank you in advance.