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by gordon921 » Tue Jul 26, 2022 12:35 pm
Hi newaussiecuck,
I agree with afagehi7, said it on other threads, have no idea what divorce laws are like in Aussie, in the UK You could lose 1/2 of your pension pot, you may end up paying alimony, house sold and equity split 50/50, etc, etc but I'm guessing, so go see a lawyer, again in the UK you can generally get a 15-30 minute consultation for free. They will at a high level give you what you could expect, but go in prepaid, go back over 3 years, what each of you have contributed (earned), who paid the mortgage, bills etc, assets you/her have house, pension pots, savings etc. That will help them to advise them and to you make some decisions.
Forget the girl in the park, she is just a distraction, you have only met her in the park for chats, not been on any dates, don't know what she wants etc. You've also said she may have gone back studying, so this is just a distraction to you decision making process and an excuse your using to delay things. You need to sort things at home one way or the other. I went into divorce shit scared at what I'll lose etc, but years later I know I have come out the other side better than her, she buried her head in the sand, where as I made plans to secure my retirement, hoped to retire this year but need another couple of years to recoup what divorce cost me, but I am happy.
You need to have a plan
1. Start job xx/xx/xx
2. Probation finished xx/xx/xx
3. Talk to MIL xx/xx/xx see what she advises.
4. Point 3 xx/xx/xx + x days, depending on 3 confront you wife, get her the other side of the breakfast bar/dinning room table and lay it down straight, don't plead, don't negotiate, state this is what I/we need to happen over the next xx weeks/months, are you in or out, I am at peace with divorcing you now or after xx weeks if you bail it. You have to do the work, she is in what is known as an emotional affair, but one saving grace is it seems it would be difficult for her to cross from an EA to PA, which I suspect would be a red line.
5. Go to IC (individual counseling) and during 4 advise her to go to her own. Do NOT do marriage counseling, that may come after you both have been through IC and want further help, but MC's main focus is saving the marriage irrespective of the cost, so they will urge you to rug sweep etc.
You are not happy, but it is in your hands to change that, start down that path.