Finally Told wife I want her to Hotwife

[ThePerfectHubby87]

It's been 5 months since we had the talk. Nothing new to report. I think my wife goes on pretending that we never had the talk. The only change is she is slightly more open to admitting when she thinks another man is attractive if we're watching TV. She never has said anything when we're out and hasn't ever gone in this direction when talking dirty during sex or in the heat of the moment. I haven't brought it up since late January. I'm not 100% sure if I should just keep quiet about it or try to bring it up during pillow talk. I don't get the idea that she thinks about the conversation anymore.

If it helps, my husband first mentioned that he wanted to watch me fuck another guy 9 years ago, and I finally did it for the first time this year. I was/am(?) pretty conservative, work in public health so very aware of STIs, not super body confident, and was very sure this was a ploy for my husband to ultimately get to fuck other women. It took time, reassurance, multiple conversations, our relationship growing stronger, etc. for me to finally agree. So my advice is that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

After 9 years what made you decide to do this?

[Anonymouswifemi]

I wish i had a great answer for you, but i really just dont. I guess i got comfortable with the idea, was finally convinced my husband wasnt secretly gunning to sleep with other women, I was done being pregnant and nursing and not sleeping, the stars aligned and we met a good bull very randomly, etc.

[h3atseeker]

Hi, perfect hubby, one thing that comes to my mind is that much of the discussion is about being a hot wife means to "fuck other guys". But that's the finale, right? There are so many little steps towards that ultimate goal (if it is the goal at all). When I talked to my wife about the topic, I started with "I sometimes imagine you being with somebody else". Everything stayed a fantasy until months later I told her I thought it would be hot if she went out sometime in a sexy outfit. Just because it would be sexy to know other guys checked her out and for her to get back that feeling of being wanted. We haven't proceeded much since this but it still is such a turn-on for both of us. Had I started with "I want you to fuck someone else", I think it would have been too much. One thing that worked out well for me: every time my wife said "that's not for me", I asked her why. Maybe your queen is not okay with the thought of sleeping with someone else (yet). But maybe she is okay with telling you whom she finds hot... Baby steps. All the best to you.

[Htravik]

Usually, a lot of patience, respect for space, honest conversations and cues that help her see her sexuality a different way works pretty well. The last part works only is she has it in her. Keep chipping at it! Good luck!

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Usually, a lot of patience, respect for space, honest conversations and cues that help her see her sexuality a different way works pretty well. The last part works only is she has it in her. Keep chipping at it! Good luck!

I have been working on patience. I have not been bringing it up at all. My wife works at a bar and said a guy was flirting with her and was jokingly asking if she was going to come home with him. This was obviously a major turn on for me and I wanted to ask if she was attracted to him but was able to hold my composure. She didn't bring it up in an exciting or related to hotwife way at all. She brought it up like she thought he was rude. I wanted to tell her if she had chemistry or just wanted to have fun ever with any men I wouldn't mind at all if they hung out or she had a drink after work. I resisted saying it though lol. Was that a missed opportunity?

[lickitysplit]

Has she brought up guys hitting on her in the past?
If she works in a bar there will be plenty of guys hitting on her.
So this may be a clue that she's still marinating. I doubt that she will one day blurt out that she wants to be a hotwife with a guy from the bar.
She is still a good girl.
It is not like she has forgotten about your conversation, are you looking to have a threesome with her and the player to be named later or do you want her to be with him while you watch, or her to date other men and come home to you?
I am a low mileage bull and one of the husbands pretty much wants to watch while the others want to watch and then join in and watch the finish..

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Has she brought up guys hitting on her in the past?
If she works in a bar there will be plenty of guys hitting on her.
So this may be a clue that she's still marinating. I doubt that she will one day blurt out that she wants to be a hotwife with a guy from the bar.
She is still a good girl.
It is not like she has forgotten about your conversation, are you looking to have a threesome with her and the player to be named later or do you want her to be with him while you watch, or her to date other men and come home to you?
I am a low mileage bull and one of the husbands pretty much wants to watch while the others want to watch and then join in and watch the finish..

I'm looking for the Vixen Stag style relationship. I just want my wife to he happy. I get pleasure out of her receiving pleasure. If I had a choice I would always want to be there. I would want to have threesomes but at some point watch. I would like to do some occasional cleanup but more into reclaiming sex after. I'm 100% down for her to go on dates without me but would only enjoy this if I got a play by play with pictures of how the dates went. I definitely want be as involved as possible if im not there. I thought the best chance of her feeling comfortable and getting started is if I wasn't there at first.

I want to watch and reclaim but threescore would be fun as I think my wife would love 2 guys pleasuring her at the same time if she could get over the major mental hurdles.

I would love for weekend vacation trips where she is hotwifing and we just have a ton of fun.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Hi, perfect hubby, one thing that comes to my mind is that much of the discussion is about being a hot wife means to "fuck other guys". But that's the finale, right? There are so many little steps towards that ultimate goal (if it is the goal at all). When I talked to my wife about the topic, I started with "I sometimes imagine you being with somebody else". Everything stayed a fantasy until months later I told her I thought it would be hot if she went out sometime in a sexy outfit. Just because it would be sexy to know other guys checked her out and for her to get back that feeling of being wanted. We haven't proceeded much since this but it still is such a turn-on for both of us. Had I started with "I want you to fuck someone else", I think it would have been too much. One thing that worked out well for me: every time my wife said "that's not for me", I asked her why. Maybe your queen is not okay with the thought of sleeping with someone else (yet). But maybe she is okay with telling you whom she finds hot... Baby steps. All the best to you.

I really appreciate this. The build up and games flirting with the idea woukd be just as fun if not more than the finale. I get what you're saying here. I haven't really recommended any games yet. I was waiting for her to get curious and ask questions but she hasn't yet. I want her to bring it up bc everyone is right and I'm being too impatient. If she told me who she thought was hot I would literally do cartwheels in my head haha.

[lickitysplit]

Is this the first time she mentioned a guy hitting on her since you asked her to be a hot wife.
I just think that if it is then she is thinking about doin it and checking your
reaction...she doesn't want you to think she is slutty.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Is this the first time she mentioned a guy hitting on her since you asked her to be a hot wife.
I just think that if it is then she is thinking about doin it and checking your
reaction...she doesn't want you to think she is slutty.

I think it's the first time she has mentioned it since we talked about it. She says she never gets hit on but she's very beautiful so I doubt it. She hasn't mentioned it much in our entire relationship.

[Des 31]

I don't think there's a magic formula to convince a wife who's reluctant, but most successful hotwife relationships probably begin with reluctance. It's almost always the man who brings it up.

My wife and I think the wife has to have some interest or curiosity she hasn't shared with her husband. I encouraged my wife to have sex with other men for about a year before she finally succumbed to temptation. As it turned out, it wasn't as I expected. She entered into an affair with a coworker but without my knowledge. I ultimately learned of it and confronted her.

She said she didn't tell me for the reason she didn't believe I could handle it as well as I thought. I withheld my anger and disappointment out of concern she might not wish to continue. When telling her I assumed she would be open with me, she said I should have noticed she hadn't resisted the idea "lately." Now that she had experienced the thrill of extramarital sex, she agreed it would be difficult to return to the time when it was just the two of us.

We have good communication and trust now and she has never withheld anything from me since. I soon learned that she gains greater thrills when being fucked by other men than with me, but I love that too. She has often said, "If it wasn't better with someone else, what would be the point of doing it at all?" I tell her I get as much out of her encounters as does she, but she has difficulty believing that's quite possible. I feel I really do.

~ Des

[Lapster]

Not understanding the delete process

[Lapster]

Rewriting

[harmankard]

How’s it going?

[ThePerfectHubby87]

How’s it going?

She doesn't bring it up. I try not to as well. I got her to start dressing Sevier. I think she's more confident.

She's a long way away. She's not comfortable even admitting other men are attractive.

[BDJ]

It's going to be a long road to travel, that seems apparent. But any incremental steps toward her acknowledging her body as a vessel of desire to others, i.e., dressing differently, is a positive step. You never know what catalyst will change her attitude. Be patient.

[lickitysplit]

She doesn't bring it up. I try not to as well. I got her to start dressing Sevier. I think she's more confident.

She's a long way away. She's not comfortable even admitting other men are attractive.

It may happen someday...it may not. But it's out there and if you play a long game and bring the idea up once in a while in a light hearted way she might come around. Maybe if you see a hot couple with an extra guy you could make a comment like "I wonder what those three are doing later" nudge nudge, wink wink.

She is thinking about it too, just not as often as you.

[harmankard]

Have you tried going on vacation? Buy her some risqué bikinis. Take a nap, leave her alone for bit pool side. I find wives need to get out of their element. I’m not saying a whole week on the French Riveria but even a hotel with a rooftop pool for a weekend could jump start things.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

I misread some flirtatious play with my wife. I thought maybe she was coming around to the idea of babysteps. I thought maybe she was rounding the corner and starting to think about the opportunity of having sex with other men. I was 100% incorrect. She said she isn't in to the idea and she thought she made that clear with our last conversation.shr daid she hoped we never had thos conversation again. I could tell it upset her and that made me feel like shit.
At the very end of our conversation she said maybe some day down the road. I told her thats why I get confused. Hard no to where she was upset but then left the smallest sliver of hope at the end.

[Pufferfish]

Yeah, it sounds like she wants to tell you a hard no, but then tells you "maybe some day". Kind of like the females who want to break up with someone, but remain friends. Half in half out is going to lead to some confusing times.

I think ultimately it's just a trust and transparency issue right now. She most likely has an issue opening up to you about this and what she truly feels about it. And is uncomfortable talking with you about it right now. I think she's going to play defensive with this for some time until she becomes more trusting of revealing the deepest secrets of her mind with you.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Yeah, it sounds like she wants to tell you a hard no, but then tells you "maybe some day". Kind of like the females who want to break up with someone, but remain friends. Half in half out is going to lead to some confusing times.

I think ultimately it's just a trust and transparency issue right now. She most likely has an issue opening up to you about this and what she truly feels about it. And is uncomfortable talking with you about it right now. I think she's going to play defensive with this for some time until she becomes more trusting of revealing the deepest secrets of her mind with you.

I 100% agree. I think right now she maybe disgusted with me for having this fantasy but is trying her hardest not to make me feel bad so she's holding back.
I try to get her to open up and try not to ever be judgmental when she does. She is adamant that she doesn't think about sleeping with anyone but me. She has told me she has no fantasies. I'm thinking time and temptation may not win over her thoughts to make this leap.

[aztd]

Yeah, it sounds like she wants to tell you a hard no, but then tells you "maybe some day". Kind of like the females who want to break up with someone, but remain friends. Half in half out is going to lead to some confusing times.

I think ultimately it's just a trust and transparency issue right now. She most likely has an issue opening up to you about this and what she truly feels about it. And is uncomfortable talking with you about it right now. I think she's going to play defensive with this for some time until she becomes more trusting of revealing the deepest secrets of her mind with you.

I 100% agree. I think right now she maybe disgusted with me for having this fantasy but is trying her hardest not to make me feel bad so she's holding back.
I try to get her to open up and try not to ever be judgmental when she does. She is adamant that she doesn't think about sleeping with anyone but me. She has told me she has no fantasies. I'm thinking time and temptation may not win over her thoughts to make this leap.

Many women day that. When you start dirty talk about another man fucking her and she gets wetter and cums quick and hard...well.

I have called me wife on this, she looked to get uncomfortable little smile and charge the subject.

She didn't dispute she liked it, well

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Yeah, it sounds like she wants to tell you a hard no, but then tells you "maybe some day". Kind of like the females who want to break up with someone, but remain friends. Half in half out is going to lead to some confusing times.

I think ultimately it's just a trust and transparency issue right now. She most likely has an issue opening up to you about this and what she truly feels about it. And is uncomfortable talking with you about it right now. I think she's going to play defensive with this for some time until she becomes more trusting of revealing the deepest secrets of her mind with you.

I 100% agree. I think right now she maybe disgusted with me for having this fantasy but is trying her hardest not to make me feel bad so she's holding back.
I try to get her to open up and try not to ever be judgmental when she does. She is adamant that she doesn't think about sleeping with anyone but me. She has told me she has no fantasies. I'm thinking time and temptation may not win over her thoughts to make this leap.

Many women day that. When you start dirty talk about another man fucking her and she gets wetter and cums quick and hard...well.

I have called me wife on this, she looked to get uncomfortable little smile and charge the subject.

She didn't dispute she liked it, well

It's true she enjoys the dirty talk very very occasionally. But after our last conversation I'm under the impression she would be pissed off if I tried anything like that right now. She doesn't want it. I tried. For now....I'm trying to be supportive and leave it alone. Just curious from hotwives here if they think for Long term?

[dsfoa]

That's a disappointing turn, perfect hubby. It definitely sounds like it's time to back way off. I'm a longtime wannabe too, and while I feel lucky about how much I'm able to talk about it with my wife, that's still a small fraction of how much I think about it. I'm afraid all of it would chase her off, or turn her off at least.

If I were you, I'd try to move on without it as long as possible. If & when I did bring it up again, it would be outside of any intimate or inebriated time. And maybe just acknowledging that I understand she's not into it, but the fantasy is a huge turn-on for me and if she ever has an interest in playing along to any degree, that I will definitely be game for it.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Nothing relating to hotwifing and I resisted bringing it up 1 time. Not even joking hints.

However, this weekend was insane. My wife was hornier than she has ever been in 12 Years. Definitely were in some 3some role play positions but without the role play. My wife was literally blowing my mind.

Probably a few weeks ago she said to hopefully never talk about it again. Then a week later she transformed into a sexual freak. I could have used help fucking her this weekend. Am I reaching here or is this related to me doubling down and getting serious and telling her I want a hotwife a few weeks ago. The convo didn't go well at all but her body was telling me something else this weekend..

What does everyone think?