Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[BeauJames]

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[Farmgirl]

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[irishstag41]

Hi amazing hotwives
My wife has recently met a French guy online. She is 42 he is 27. She already has a French lover who is 32. They spend an evening together every fortnight, and it's a really positive relationship for all of us . She likes to tell me about it when she comes home after her date and we have amazing sex.
She plans on meeting the 27 year old soon. She is super excited. He is black extremely muscular and 11 inches. Her dream guy. She has told me that she wants her dates with him to be private and doesn't wish to share . We have been in the lifestyle 2 years and this is a first .she has had four lovers in total. Is this something that you have had with your husbands?
Thanks

[irishstag41]

Hi amazing hotwives
My wife has recently met a French guy online. She is 42 he is 27. She already has a French lover who is 32. They spend an evening together every fortnight, and it's a really positive relationship for all of us . She likes to tell me about it when she comes home after her date and we have amazing sex.
She plans on meeting the 27 year old soon. She is super excited. He is black extremely muscular and 11 inches. Her dream guy. She has told me that she wants her dates with him to be private and doesn't wish to share . We have been in the lifestyle 2 years and this is a first .she has had four lovers in total. Is this something that you have had with your husbands?
Thanks

[Farmgirl]

Hi amazing hotwives
My wife has recently met a French guy online. She is 42 he is 27. She already has a French lover who is 32. They spend an evening together every fortnight, and it's a really positive relationship for all of us . She likes to tell me about it when she comes home after her date and we have amazing sex.
She plans on meeting the 27 year old soon. She is super excited. He is black extremely muscular and 11 inches. Her dream guy. She has told me that she wants her dates with him to be private and doesn't wish to share . We have been in the lifestyle 2 years and this is a first .she has had four lovers in total. Is this something that you have had with your husbands?
Thanks

Are you meaning that she doesn't want to share the details with you? Or, that she doesn't want you there?

[irishstag41]

Both...She just wants to let me know when they're meeting up and where but wants the dates details to be private.

[Liese]

Is this something that you have had with your husbands?

That'd be a dealbreaker for us. But that's our arrangement. With us, my hub is always present and as involved as he wants to be. Either of us can veto a playmate, an activity at any time and for any reason, or no reason, no questions asked in the moment. We'd discuss it at length later, of course. And we never change our rules/limits during play with others. That's a decision we would make together, later, just the two of us.

What sort of rules/limits do you have with your wife?

I'm a big believer in having couples figure out what rules and limits they want to use, and how they use them well ahead of any events.

[Farmgirl]

Both...She just wants to let me know when they're meeting up and where but wants the dates details to be private.

I prefer to play without my husband present, but I always give him the details as I process them. That is our way; I get alone time with my lovers and I then share my adventure by telling my Number1.
Couples do things differently according to what works for them. If it's not working for you, an open, pleasant discussion is in order with your wife.

[irishstag41]

Hi LHW ,
I don't know how to reply individually so I'll reply to both . Hope that's OK.
For Leise ...In relation to rules limits I guess we found out as we went . For our first experience I was there and watched , I did not participate. I have not been involved since . The reason is that it's hard to find a bull in Ireland so my wife is on a dating app. She tends to have boyfriends for 6 months and goes on dates /,weekends away in hotels etc . I'm completely OK with this. I guess it's watching her enjoy herself that turns me on. I'm completely in love with the woman and watching her put clothes on her olive Mediterranean skin, preparing for her date , is a huge turn on.
I guess if she wanted a relationship independent of me I'd be OK. I don't feel threatened. I know well be together either way . She tells me every day .
For Farm girl ...We talk about her encounters after and it's amazing...I've been a cheater all my life until I met my wife . Something i feel very guilty about now
I would never cheat on her ..nor sleep with anyone with permission...I believe the lifestyle has contributed to my mindset it's hard to explain. I have no worries if she doesn't share do..I think it could work

[Dzs1653]

I've been thinking about irishstag41's questions and the replies from Liese and Farmgirl. It occurred to me that the non-sharing of details might actually be originating from the new 27-year-old. After all, he may consider the sharing of details to be a violation of his own privacy. So my question for the VHWs is, have you ever encountered a situation where a guy you were seeing or considering seeing told you that he did not want the details of his encounter(s) with you to be shared with your husband?

[2inUPMichigan]

I've been thinking about irishstag41's questions and the replies from Liese and Farmgirl. It occurred to me that the non-sharing of details might actually be originating from the new 27-year-old. After all, he may consider the sharing of details to be a violation of his own privacy. So my question for the VHWs is, have you ever encountered a situation where a guy you were seeing or considering seeing told you that he did not want the details of his encounter(s) with you to be shared with your husband?

Before playing with a man it is important to share with him any requirements/boundaries that the two of you have as a couple for him. Then it is up to him to decide if he is willing to play within those parameters. It should not be working the other way. The other man is not the one dictating how things are going to happen.

If a man "told me he did not want the details of his encounters" to be shared with my hubby I would probably recommend he be dating single women

[Liese]

Before playing with a man it is important to share with him any requirements/boundaries that the two of you have as a couple for him. Then it is up to him to decide if he is willing to play within those parameters. It should not be working the other way. The other man is not the one dictating how things are going to happen.

If a man "told me he did not want the details of his encounters" to be shared with my hubby I would probably recommend he be dating single women

2inUPMichigan is wise, as always!

[irishstag41]

Hi.
No the 27 year old has no problems with her revealing his identity. It's just something she wants to try. Maybe we are edging towards a more poly type relationship...she's meeting him in 2 weeks so we will see how it plays out!

[Suchagoodgirl]

Dear VHWs, second question in quick succession.

I’ve bought my wife vibrators and dildos in the past and she said she uses them but I suspect not. She’d never order them herself. I just like the idea of her pleasuring herself and maybe fantasizing about a lover. Question: ( and I know every woman is different) Would you consider your husband doing this to be a loving act or being controlling?

I think you need to look deep down at why you got her the toys in the first place.... For her pleasure or for yours "I just like the idea of her pleasuring herself and maybe fantasizing about a lover."

Another thought:
It sounds to me that you might want to know when she uses them (it's a turn on for you). You could ask her to tell you right after the next time she uses it. Then if she does, take her in your arms and tell her she's so beautiful or something very rewarding for her. Or maybe even offer to cook dinner. Hahaha

Great idea! I often read about the guys trying to convince his wife to try being a hotwife and I wonder how many of those talks focus on how amazing he thinks she is. Or does he take the time to show her with actions not just words that he supports her exploring her sexuality in new ways, even if it's not with another man.

I would like ask the hotwives, How do you like to be rewarded for being naughty? Is there something your husband does that makes you feel special in the lifestyle beyond just reclaiming sex?

[Farmgirl]

Great idea! I often read about the guys trying to convince his wife to try being a hotwife and I wonder how many of those talks focus on how amazing he thinks she is. Or does he take the time to show her with actions not just words that he supports her exploring her sexuality in new ways, even if it's not with another man.

I would like ask the hotwives, How do you like to be rewarded for being naughty? Is there something your husband does that makes you feel special in the lifestyle beyond just reclaiming sex?

He makes me feel cherished, adored, and loved.

[70sstag]

Hi Ladies,
Got another one for you. Wife and I started finding guys for her to play with about three years ago. She got into it by going to a swingers club with me, which has had the unintended result of us getting into soft swinging. I’m fact, over the last year, that’s where our focus has been entirely.

Now, I know some will roll their eyes about this statement, but I feel like we’ve drifted too far from our original purpose-her playing with other guys. I’ve had some great experiences with other ladies in this process, but ultimately this distracts me from my reason for ever wanting to enter this world-watching her with other guys/MFM play. She is straight, so doesn’t play with the other lady, and doesn’t get off on watching me play either.

A few months ago I brought up finding guys to her to play with, and she reacted with some apprehension. She says she finds comfort knowing the couples we play with are married and on board with whatever happens in the bedroom. She’s concerned that she’ll end up with a guy who is cheating, which isn’t something she wants to be a part of. She also says in the other guy scenario, she feels like the pressure is on her.

Given the above, do any ladies have any advice on how to make her feel more comfortable getting back into more hotwifing, and less swinging?

Thanks!

[Liese]

Given the above, do any ladies have any advice on how to make her feel more comfortable getting back into more hotwifing, and less swinging?

I think she's told you clearly what's working for her, and where she's at with it. Maybe ask yourself what you can do to change your mindset/attitude/rules (if anything) in order for you to get more enjoyment out of the softswinging that she is indicating that she prefers. Or find a guy whose wife will sign off that she's ok with him playing with her/you two? We've done that a few times ourselves with couples where the wife lost interest.

We started with soft/moderate swap, but also went on to add some MFM fun for me where hub watches and joins when he is ready to. I do love that he wants to watch me with others guys! However, we still do lots of play with other couples, and my FF experiences are still a big thrill for me. So we're not really mirroring your situation.

[70sstag]

Given the above, do any ladies have any advice on how to make her feel more comfortable getting back into more hotwifing, and less swinging?

I think she's told you clearly what's working for her, and where she's at with it. Maybe ask yourself what you can do to change your mindset/attitude/rules (if anything) in order for you to get more enjoyment out of the softswinging that she is indicating that she prefers. Or find a guy whose wife will sign off that she's ok with him playing with her/you two? We've done that a few times ourselves with couples where the wife lost interest.

We started with soft/moderate swap, but also went on to add some MFM fun for me where hub watches and joins when he is ready to. I do love that he wants to watch me with others guys! However, we still do lots of play with other couples, and my FF experiences are still a big thrill for me. So we're not really mirroring your situation.

Thanks for your reply, Liese! I don’t want to stop soft swinging as much as I want to mix some MFM back into the pot.

[farmerJ]

Okay this might be a dumb question, But what is a average play date tempo, Is it once a week, monthly, when the itch needs scratching? Just curious, I am sure its different for everyone's needs

[Lookingforadventure]

Okay this might be a dumb question, But what is a average play date tempo, Is it once a week, monthly, when the itch needs scratching? Just curious, I am sure its different for everyone's needs

I think this will vary greatly. If I'm meeting brand new people, I find it very stressful. It takes a lot of mental energy to get to know them, and I have a lot of anxiety about the first meeting. So once a month is plenty. Even once every other month.

If I'm having a date with a regular partner, once a month doesn't seem like enough.

I think the key is to find a pace that feels right to you and also keeps the rest of your life (husband, kids, work, etc) in balance.

[Liese]

Okay this might be a dumb question, But what is a average play date tempo, Is it once a week, monthly, when the itch needs scratching? Just curious, I am sure its different for everyone's needs

For about a decade, hub and I would play with others (which usually meant at least some time spent with hub watching me with another guy, then MFM with hub and another guy) about once a month on average. Then covid hit and we stopped for almost 2 years, before cautiously starting up again. Now we're doing some sort of play date or party every 2-3 months. That seems about right for us for now.

[Farmgirl]

Okay this might be a dumb question, But what is a average play date tempo, Is it once a week, monthly, when the itch needs scratching? Just curious, I am sure its different for everyone's needs

Each woman that answers will have a different "date tempo". We are individuals and have our own individual likes and wants.
For the last few years for me, especially after meeting Allen, I meet him 1-3 times a week, so I guess you could say I average twice a week. And, then you can count in Jack now and then .
If I could, I would fuck Allen every day . When friends talk about their sex lives (or lack of), I think to myself, Y'all should get a boyfriend! There is nothing compared to naughty sex with a lover as a Hotwife . And it brings excitement to my Number1 and I.

[farmerJ]

Thanks Farmgirl and LFA, I am just trying to wrap my head around this

[rascalnvixen]

I'm not sure if this thread is only for hotwives generically or if a follow up question to an answer by a hotwife is allowed, so I'll ask my question here and risk the wrath. Farmgirl, you mentioned that you see Allen on average twice a week and that you would fuck him every day if you could. Does that mean that Allen is your primary sex partner? I know Number 1 is always #1 in your book, but do you have more sex with Allen than anyone else??? Evidently, you are a very sexually active person. It sounds like you have sex with someone every day. That is HOT!!

Rascal

[farmerJ]

Good question Rascal, I was going to ask also, do any of you hotwifes, does your husband have the freedom to go find a girlfriend? go on weekends with them, Trips any of that?