Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[feetuji]

Question: do you girls like to say I love you to other guys (not only your hubby/partner) with whom you have sex?

Nope. That's reserved for my hubby. My playmates are just that, fun friends.

Thanks for answering

[Lookingforadventure]

Page 100 on this thread!!

Question: do you girls like to say I love you to other guys (not only your hubby/partner) with whom you have sex?

No, but I do wish there were more words for love in the English language. I prefer to play with the same men in an ongoing way. I have feelings that go beyond "I care for you" or "I like you", but they are different than how I love my husband.

I may have to start looking in other languages to see if there is a solution

[Farmgirl]

Page 100 on this thread!!

Question: do you girls like to say I love you to other guys (not only your hubby/partner) with whom you have sex?

Liese and Lookingforadventure both said things that I agree with .
I don't tell other men that I love them, that is for my Number1 and me. I do feel a special connection with my guys, I do love them and care for them deeper than just as friends, we are after all lovers sharing our bodies and emotions.

[Mumfred]

Do you ever initiate hotwifing activities with your husband?

The reason I ask is that I am trying to gauge interest level from my wife. Sometimes we’ll talk about doing hotwife stuff, like camming and going out to flirt with guys, and she says she would like to do this or that. But when I make a concrete suggestion, with specific timing, she is always busy or it isn’t the right time. I understand it can be tough to find the right time but she says no about 90% of the time and she never approaches me to ask if I want to do something along those lines. It makes me feel like she doesn’t like to do it but wants to say yes to me. When it gets down to it she really doesn’t want to spend her time that way. When we do hotwife stuff she does seem to be turned on and enjoys herself. But I always feel like I need to push her, I don’t like that feeling and a big part of what I like about hotwifing is that she would like it too. I’m wondering if it would be best for us both if I gave up and found other interests.

[Chrome-chains]

Do you ever initiate hotwifing activities with your husband?

The reason I ask is that I am trying to gauge interest level from my wife. Sometimes we’ll talk about doing hotwife stuff, like camming and going out to flirt with guys, and she says she would like to do this or that. But when I make a concrete suggestion, with specific timing, she is always busy or it isn’t the right time. I understand it can be tough to find the right time but she says no about 90% of the time and she never approaches me to ask if I want to do something along those lines. It makes me feel like she doesn’t like to do it but wants to say yes to me. When it gets down to it she really doesn’t want to spend her time that way. When we do hotwife stuff she does seem to be turned on and enjoys herself. But I always feel like I need to push her, I don’t like that feeling and a big part of what I like about hotwifing is that she would like it too. I’m wondering if it would be best for us both if I gave up and found other interests.

ANSWERS_

"When it gets down to it she really doesn’t want to spend her time that way. "

I think you understand she doesn't need it. I think you cannot accept that because it doesn't fit into your need framework.

"When we do hotwife stuff she does seem to be turned on and enjoys herself."

That is her prerogative.

"But I always feel like I need to push her, I don’t like that feeling and a big part of what I like about hotwifing is that she would like it too."

You seem to be nagging...that is not sexy. That is not respect for her...she is the instrument you seem to be playing for YOUR delight.

"I’m wondering if it would be best for us both if I gave up and found other interests."

I suggest interests that get you both turned on...and it may not be sexual.

Sex is between the ears of a woman and not in her genitalia. She isn't hearing what she needs to hear. A womans hormones play a great deal into this. She may also feel she has a full life and this is simply a minutia she could do without.

[Mumfred]

Sex is between the ears of a woman and not in her genitalia. She isn't hearing what she needs to hear. A womans hormones play a great deal into this. She may also feel she has a full life and this is simply a minutia she could do without.

Thanks Chrome.

[anneshubby2]

My wife has a friend who has been crucified by gossip. She is terrified of people from her ethnic group talking. I know before we were married she was a topic with others since she had 2 kids out of wedlock. Plus, my ex-wife through us under the bus when we got divorced. The 2 biggest obstacles from becoming a hotwife is religion and gossip. Have anyone experienced gossip and what did you do to overcome it? How do you avoid it?

[Farmgirl]

My wife has a friend who has been crucified by gossip. She is terrified of people from her ethnic group talking. I know before we were married she was a topic with others since she had 2 kids out of wedlock. Plus, my ex-wife through us under the bus when we got divorced. The 2 biggest obstacles from becoming a hotwife is religion and gossip. Have anyone experienced gossip and what did you do to overcome it? How do you avoid it?

I am a Christian and church secretary of our church, I've not found my beliefs and understanding of Scripture to be a real obstacle. I will say that there are many man-made laws, rules, and ordinances that are just that, man-made while claiming to be Scripture.

As for gossip, I don't play the gossip game. You can worry over gossip, but you can't control it. So, I don't worry about it, try to overcome it, or avoid it.
If people dislike you because of gossip, you didn't need them in your life. Those that love you will love you, gossip or not, so stay with the second group and don't worry about the first group.
Gossipers only have control over you if you allow it.

[anneshubby2]

As for gossip, I don't play the gossip game. You can worry over gossip, but you can't control it. So, I don't worry about it, try to overcome it, or avoid it.
If people dislike you because of gossip, you didn't need them in your life. Those that love you will love you, gossip or not, so stay with the second group and don't worry about the first group.
Gossipers only have control over you if you allow it.

Great advise. This is just what I needed to hear. Thank you.

[Liese]

My wife has a friend who has been crucified by gossip. She is terrified of people from her ethnic group talking. I know before we were married she was a topic with others since she had 2 kids out of wedlock. Plus, my ex-wife through us under the bus when we got divorced. The 2 biggest obstacles from becoming a hotwife is religion and gossip. Have anyone experienced gossip and what did you do to overcome it? How do you avoid it?

I keep my sex life quite separate from the rest of my life. I have my hub as my constant, my confidant, my lover. I have my lifestyler friends as my playmates and people I can talk to about sex. I have my regular friends, the rest of the family, and they're all run on a need to know basis, and frankly they don't need to know. My faith community is liberal, sex positive, and has long supported LGBT, poly, etc. And I have gained enough confidence in myself and my choices over time so that I don't much care what small minds might be saying about me behind my back. That approach has worked for me for over 2 decades now, with no real consequences. Thus far in the lifestyle, I ran into one woman from my church and one woman from where I worked. We all respected each other's choices, and shared stories of how we made hotwifing work for us, and kept each other's confidences. So long as I practice this lifestyle ethically, I don't have anything to be ashamed of.

That's my experience anyway.

[anneshubby2]

My wife has a friend who has been crucified by gossip. She is terrified of people from her ethnic group talking. I know before we were married she was a topic with others since she had 2 kids out of wedlock. Plus, my ex-wife through us under the bus when we got divorced. The 2 biggest obstacles from becoming a hotwife is religion and gossip. Have anyone experienced gossip and what did you do to overcome it? How do you avoid it?

I keep my sex life quite separate from the rest of my life. I have my hub as my constant, my confidant, my lover. I have my lifestyler friends as my playmates and people I can talk to about sex. I have my regular friends, the rest of the family, and they're all run on a need to know basis, and frankly they don't need to know. My faith community is liberal, sex positive, and has long supported LGBT, poly, etc. And I have gained enough confidence in myself and my choices over time so that I don't much care what small minds might be saying about me behind my back. That approach has worked for me for over 2 decades now, with no real consequences. Thus far in the lifestyle, I ran into one woman from my church and one woman from where I worked. We all respected each other's choices, and shared stories of how we made hotwifing work for us, and kept each other's confidences. So long as I practice this lifestyle ethically, I don't have anything to be ashamed of.

That's my experience anyway.

I am very appreciative for the message. Thank you.

[long4her]

Hi VHWs, I’ve got a question from a Wannabe stag. My lovely wife has known for some time that I’d love her to pursue relationships outside of our marriage and she’s been very receptive. She seemed reluctant to try it while her mother was still alive, but her mom passed away 6 months ago, after a long, wonderful life.

Question: How much did fear of your mothers judgment have kept any of you from getting into this lifestyle earlier or is it largely a non-issue?

[Farmgirl]

Hi VHWs, I’ve got a question from a Wannabe stag. My lovely wife has known for some time that I’d love her to pursue relationships outside of our marriage and she’s been very receptive. She seemed reluctant to try it while her mother was still alive, but her mom passed away 6 months ago, after a long, wonderful life.

Question: How much did fear of your mothers judgment have kept any of you from getting into this lifestyle earlier or is it largely a non-issue?

I never considered my mother's judgment in any sort of a good way, I was not a mother's girl. But, to your question, I have one: Why would one let someone else decide what they can and can not enjoy? If someone is judgmental, why would one want to be around them?

I'm not expecting an answer, it is just meant to be thought-provoking.

[long4her]

Apologies if this has been asked before, but did any of you get into this lifestyle of your own accord/because you initiated it? It just seems that so many guys on here have to coax/beg/cajole their wives into it, and the wives are at least reluctant at first if not downright hostile to the idea. That doesn’t seem like much fun if that’s the case. Thanks ladies.

[Farmgirl]

Apologies if this has been asked before, but did any of you get into this lifestyle of your own accord/because you initiated it? It just seems that so many guys on here have to coax/beg/cajole their wives into it, and the wives are at least reluctant at first if not downright hostile to the idea. That doesn’t seem like much fun if that’s the case. Thanks ladies.

My Number1 did bring it up first, mostly in a kidding /joking way. He was too scared, nervous, and embarrassed to talk openly about it for several years, but I could see that it was a part of him. By the time he could admit it to me and to himself, I was ready.

[Liese]

Apologies if this has been asked before, but did any of you get into this lifestyle of your own accord/because you initiated it?

In my late 30's my sex drive shot up like a rocket, and my previous anxieties and inhibitions about sexuality and my body sort of melted away. I told hub that I was ready to try new things with him; toys, sexy pics, sex in different places. He was definitely onboard, and we talked a LOT of things we could try. Hub encouraged these talks, but didn't try to push any particular activity on me, letting me decide what I wanted to talk about and consider.
Playing with others was not part of the discussion initially but we ended up watching lots of porn showing group sex. I found it very stimulating but was slow in letting hubby know that. Eventually after a few years of fun stuff together, I told him I fantasized about others seeing me naked, seeing me masturbating.

Hub thought a bit, and eventually said we should talk about doing 'watch and be watched' with someone. And that's what we later did, and more.

[long4her]

Hi Ladies, are there things you’ll do with your boyfriends that you won’t do with your husbands? If so, can you explain why?
Are there things you reserve only for your husbands?
Thanks and I appreciate all your recent, articulate answers

[Farmgirl]

Hi Ladies, are there things you’ll do with your boyfriends that you won’t do with your husbands? If so, can you explain why?
Are there things you reserve only for your husbands?
Thanks and I appreciate all your recent, articulate answers

There aren't things I do with my lovers that I don't do with my husband, and pretty much vise-versa.
I don't say "I love you" to my lovers, though I do love them, just not in the same way as my husband. The only thing I can think of that might come close to what you're asking is:
I want my lovers to cum me. I don't allow my husband to cum in my pussy. He can cum in my ass or mouth, or anywhere else he wants, just not my pussy. That is for my lovers. It is something we both enjoy, the whole mind-fuck of him being denied ejaculating in my pussy while knowing my lovers can.
Even other couples who play various "denial" games are doing it for each other.
I've pretty much always done anything "new" that I've contemplated for a lover, with my husband first.

[Kays cuck]

Hi Ladies, are there things you’ll do with your boyfriends that you won’t do with your husbands? If so, can you explain why?
Are there things you reserve only for your husbands?
Thanks and I appreciate all your recent, articulate answers

There aren't things I do with my lovers that I don't do with my husband, and pretty much vise-versa.
I don't say "I love you" to my lovers, though I do love them, just not in the same way as my husband. The only thing I can think of that might come close to what you're asking is:
I want my lovers to cum me. I don't allow my husband to cum in my pussy. He can cum in my ass or mouth, or anywhere else he wants, just not my pussy. That is for my lovers. It is something we both enjoy, the whole mind-fuck of him being denied ejaculating in my pussy while knowing my lovers can.
Even other couples who play various "denial" games are doing it for each other.
I've pretty much always done anything "new" that I've contemplated for a lover, with my husband first.

Holy hell that is so hot. Amazing farmgirl.

[mysteryman2099]

As someone that may or may not consider trying the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle (only if she brings it up) how many end up with the hubby/cuck becoming pussyfree? Related question, how many started the lifestyle because of the hubby's performance issues? Is the sex really mechanically better, or is it hotter and more exciting because of the taboo nature of the husband being replaced by another man/woman (that happens too, right)? Like I said, I'm a newbie, Day 1 of voluntarily becoming pussyfree (can't come during PIV sex with wife, so said the heck with it, I'll just go down on her) and wondering if she'll just seek out cock that can come on her own.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum mysterman2099,

[Farmgirl]

As someone that may or may not consider trying the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle (only if she brings it up) how many end up with the hubby/cuck becoming pussyfree? In nearly all cases, if the husband becomes "pussy free" it is because that is something he wants. Hotwives and Cuckoldresses rarely do things "to" their husbands, rather they do things "for" their husbands.Related question, how many started the lifestyle because of the hubby's performance issues?While some may enter the lifestyle because of the husband's performance issues, many of us do not. My husband is still my best lover! Is the sex really mechanically better, Mechanically better, No! or is it hotter and more exciting because of the taboo nature The naughtiness and taboo is excitingof the husband being replaced by another man/woman No one else is replacing my husband (that happens too, right)? Like I said, I'm a newbie, Day 1 of voluntarily becoming pussyfree (can't come during PIV sex with wife, so said the heck with it, I'll just go down on her) and wondering if she'll just seek out cock that can come on her own. So, you just decided to become "pussy free" on your own, without input from your wife. Have you actually told her that you want a Hotwife?
A lot of what you've said comes across as ill-informed or fantasy based.

[irishstag41]

Hi.
No the 27 year old has no problems with her revealing his identity. It's just something she wants to try. Maybe we are edging towards a more poly type relationship...she's meeting him in 2 weeks so we will see how it plays out!

Just to update, her 27 year old has moved to Paris, (work arrangements). She is going to see him next week and they are spending a few nights together. Surprisingly she has become very attached to her white boyfriend and they are both starting to have feelings for one another. Both of us are finding her lifestyle very positive and are moving cautiously

[Farmgirl]

Hi.
No the 27 year old has no problems with her revealing his identity. It's just something she wants to try. Maybe we are edging towards a more poly type relationship...she's meeting him in 2 weeks so we will see how it plays out!

Just to update, her 27 year old has moved to Paris, (work arrangements). She is going to see him next week and they are spending a few nights together. Surprisingly she has become very attached to her white boyfriend and they are both starting to have feelings for one another. Both of us are finding her lifestyle very positive and are moving cautiously

Irishstag,
This thread is for asking questions of Verified HotWives. Your post today and the one you quoted are not questions, but comments. Please feel free to ask any questions you would like answered by a VHW here, but it would be proper to start a thread of your own for your story/updates.

[irishstag41]

Ok apologies