Wonderful Life With My Gorgeous Hotwife (revisited)

[Trickydicky69]

Yes, go enjoy the day . It’s all in your past anyway.
And since it’s generated such strong views amongst us reading and diverse opinions too then it must have been awfully intense for you two.
I’ll shut up now!

[Asterix42]

Gotta say; at this point in the story, John's life with his wife doesn't sound like it was all that "Wonderful".

[Asterix42]

.
So basically John, her husband and forever soul-mate, waits 25 days before he is able to get 15 quality minutes with Sherrie to discuss the future direction their marriage and lives will now take.

Put like that, it doesn’t sound like much of a marriage as far as respect goes.

You have read this, have you?

Should have clarified that my comment solely related to those 25 days. Reading about them, it did seem that a low point had been reached. I’m just impressed John, that you and Sherrie were strong enough to come back from it!

[Johng1953]

As a Brit, I’d say taking the piss is more than just mocking, at least in this context.
Used here, it means taking advantage of, having more than your deserved share and specifically, it’s meant in a disrespecting manner.
So Sherrie is taking the piss because she relys on John to be her support act without properly considering his feelings- she fucks off to Geoff, who has caused this problem and stays over.
John says she didn’t promise not to but that’s just making excuses in my book. There was an implied suggestion that she wouldn’t.
John does seem to spend a lot of time justifying her behaviour to us but if he’s ok with it.
So, my opinion is that she’s taking the piss.

That is exactly what I meant and what taking the piss means.

You are applying your own boundaries, likes, dislikes, to others.

Guilty as charged. But that's probably also a testament to your story telling ability in that I feel emotionally involved, not just coldly reading a narrative.

[Trickydicky69]

Yes, I think us regular readers are quite invested in this story, for our own personal reasons. I am anyway.
I’d also echo Asterix that many of my comments are really about the bad few weeks described recently.
I can see that leading up to that, the arrangement seemed to work.
I still contend that John wasn’t 100% happy however with everything which I think seeps out of the story a bit but then, who is happy 100% of the time? Or maybe it’s just my interpretation?
And tbf, we knew in advance that there were going to be problems and that they survived it.
I still don’t understand how one testy remark by John could possibly have set off this train of events if everything was so rosy in the garden? Was it last straw breaking the camels back? But despite Sherries explanation, how did it jump from all fine for you two, to become a complete meltdown, in just one sentence? Why couldn’t it have been talked out over a few days since you are such an understanding partnership?
Seriously, have I missed something or will it be explained more thoroughly later, for those of us who are hard of understanding?
Or how they could both be complacent/blinkered that Geoff had his own ideas about having Sherrie?
Of course, if either of those things hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be reading this.
If Geoff never knew John was aware, then actually, it sort of gives Geoff a bit of a get out clause.
He must have thought their marriage must be on the rocks for Sherrie to be able to spend so much time with him. So it was fair game to try to get Sherrie to move in with him.
I don’t believe it though! I still think Geoff is an unethical git!
Shame that John tells us that Geoff was never told about their arrangement- it would be interesting to know his views.
I also get the need to support people who are distressed but you have the patience of Solomon when she’s rejecting you (as in rushing back to Geoff but also because she now sees you as someone she no longer trusts or requires support from).
Arrgh, I have so many questions but must shut myself up again!

[KarrieKraves]

I’m thinking we might as well get all the dirty linen aired here and now.

J: So before you agreed it couldn’t be a 24/7 relationship, did you discuss leaving me and going to live with him? We might as well have the whole story.

S: Yes, briefly. I’d agreed to an open discussion with nothing ruled in or out, so of course he brought it up again, and we both knew that’s what he ideally wanted. And he wanted me submitted to him full time. Same sort of BDSM relationship but 24/7. Made the case again that living absolutely submitted to him in every way as his little woman and devoted submissive is the real me fighting to get out. I mean how does that even work? He spoke about the Wednesday night I got back after you’d crushed the joy out of my achievements, and I went to him all emotional. How he put me back together in my submission to him. And that’s the truth. He did.

J: Tell me about that Wednesday with him, Sher. The night you went running to him. I need to know.

S: You mean went running to him after you broke me into tiny pieces?

J: If you like.

The permafrost resurfaces for a moment.

S: No! I don’t like. Not at all. That’s exactly what you did, and I didn’t fucking like!

Her eyes mist over, as she simmers down again:

S: He really took me in hand that night. Despite all the travelling fatigue I arrived home with, he brought me alive, and then made me forget all about you by mastering me, I think, more then he’d ever done before. In my mood as I arrived at his, I was very receptive for my mind to be distracted from you. He took me away from you and the hurt and put me into my surrendered world with him. So thoroughly.

J: What does that mean?

S: He didn’t go easy on me if that’s what you’re thinking. The ritual enema cleansing and possession, and then he made me lie back on the vaulting horse and raise my legs and part them. He put a wide butt plug in me, blindfolded me, and ball-gagged me. I knew he was there at the foot of the horse, standing over me, and he was kind of rummaging between my lips down there for at least a couple of minutes, making sure I know he owns my body and can do anything he pleases. Pulling the outer lips, stretching them wide apart, pinching the flesh, wiping between them like I'm dirty, theatrically doing stuff that nobody else can do, and doing it to humiliate me, making me suck it all up.

G(to S): Hold your breath for a moment for me.

S(to me): By now I knew what was coming. I bit my lip in anticipation. The sharp sting, like a needle, then the weird burning sensation around my pee hole as he pushes the tube into me. He was fumbling around sticking it to my thigh. Then he walked around, took the blindfold off and sat me up. I looked down and there’s the tube coming out of me, taped to my leg and feeding into a bag with my pee already running into it. He’s catheterised me again, and I can’t comment because of the ball gag. So I’m just grunting and drooling. Leaking at both ends. When he does this to me, I feel my free will cease to exist, and I’m floating on air, weightless yet again. Your one sentence dismissal of me on the phone was way out of my mind by then, I can tell you. I was his toy. I wanted to be his toy.

She says she was surprised he went to such extremes that night, and I’m shocked at his bizarre method of comforting her.

G(to S): I know you think you’ve come for sympathy, but total submission is always the best medicine for you, girl. I’ll never spare you under any circumstances. You need it, and you’ll always get it from me. You need to let go of that superficial world you have out there completely and put yourself fully into my hands. Always.

S(to me): It worked too. I was soon deep in my sub space and nothing else mattered at all. Naturally I thought he was talking to me just in the moment as usual, but thinking about it while I was down south, I think now that he was preparing the ground for wanting me to go and live with him, and the bombshell he dropped the next night.

John- re reading the last segment and especially the cliffhanger that we left off at, a few questions come to mind.

You asked Sherrie if she and Geoff had discussed her leaving you and going to live with him 24/7. Her answer was "Yes" this option was "on the table" and was discussed further. Was your concern that Sherrie would choose to go and live with Geoff as his full time submissive for a specified (or perhaps even unspecified) period of time until she had explored/satisfied this part of herself; at which time she would then likely return to you; or was your concern that she would choose to leave her marriage to you permanently and eventually become Geoff's wife.
If the plan she had negotiated with Geoff at this point did include her moving in with him for a specified period of time to explore/satisfy her dark desires, can you comment on your thoughts, feelings, tolerances to this choice, if this was indeed to become your reality. I guess what I am asking is were you prepared for this and would you have accepted this arrangement if you knew that she would return to you and the marriage at some point in the future.

Can you share your feelings at the fact that Sherrie even considered leaving you for Geoff and that this was one possibility that was included when she answered your question "S: Yes, briefly. I’d agreed to an open discussion with nothing ruled in or out, so of course he brought it up again, and we both knew that’s what he ideally wanted."

During her time at the cottage clearly Sherrie has thought out/devised some sort of plan to convince Geoff to "take her back" so they can continue their relationship. She has refused to share any of her thoughts, feelings or plans from her time away with you, choosing instead to share/discuss these details with Geoff first. Obviously she is successful in negotiating some type of plan with Geoff where their relationship can continue going forward without actually having to move in with him or to leave her marriage with you.

She's now back home with you on the Friday evening after work, and will now presumably share details of her discussion/negotiations with Geoff. Obviously whatever deal she has made with Geoff will have to be beneficial to him and will most likely contain some (or perhaps many) concessions on her part. Whatever these concessions might be...none of them have been discussed with you previously despite the fact that you will likely be affected by them in some way in the near future either directly or indirectly.

How do you feel about being "left out of the loop" on Sherrie's/Geoff's discussions/negotiations despite the fact that there will likely be some ramifications for you as a result?? Do you think what Sherrie has done here (secret negotiations with Geoff without any input/agreement from you) is fair to you?? What are your overall feelings about where things are at in these regards at this point in the story.

[Trickydicky69]

John doesn’t see it like that KK. He has an iron clad belief that their relationship was never in danger from Geoff and events have proven him right, so who are we to argue?
You and I can see this danger and perhaps now John may agree that for another couple (not him and Sherrie though) then it could be a marriage breaker. I admire his belief (less obvious that Sherrie believes it too - only judging her from what he’s written about her not trusting anyone anymore) which has carried them through these events.
I’m just hoping that by the conclusion, our questions will be answered and clear how these events seem to so abruptly occur, as if from a sunny blue sky. I don’t think what Sherrie tells him when she returns but before seeing Geoff again, is an explanation. As an explanation of suddenly leaving, renting a cottage for 6 months and starting a new life, it’s a bit weak!
It’s what she’s intellectually stating but I really don’t think John/Sherrie have yet told us the truth.
She hasn’t for instance, explained what it is that Geoff has been telling her, what “opened her eyes about John” etc.
So although I/we are exasperating John, I do feel that’s because he hasn’t yet told us what he really knows but perhaps has forgotten that he hasn’t yet told us- he is presuming that we have some knowledge which actually we’re still unaware of.
Presumably to come…

[SusAno]

I rarely post but it does seem like John appreciates some comments and speculative insights from the many many people who are following this thread. And in appreciation for one of the most well written and gripping threads in years I feel obligated to jot down a few comments of my own.

To me it seems the core conflict, the one that nearly blew up their marriage, is around Sherrie’s true identity.

We can see there are some things that are well integrated and true regardless of the situation. She is brave, open to new experiences and challenges, and can display tremendous determination and grit when it comes to diving into those experiences. But there are some things about her that depend on where she is and who she is around.

- Is she really a brilliant researcher, an engaging speaker, and the KEY player in the struggle to develop a new business whom multiple people are relying on for their livelihood?

- Or is she really a sexual submissive, who feels most comfortable and at peace serving her master and experiencing hours of ecstasy through pain, humiliation, and intense sexual pleasure?

In my opinion this conflict has been growing stronger the more time she spent with Geoff and the less satisfying and more stressful the science and business environment becomes. She does get some of her love and companionship needs met by John. But she is also getting some of those met by Geoff, partly through helping her shut down her thinking brain with powerful sexual and submissive experiences that wash away the grindy money and leadership stresses she carries in her other life. And partly through the aftercare Geoff provides after he gives her what she asks him for.

I should also note if this is the core conflict then there really are no villains in this story.

Sherrie is just trying to sort out who she really is. She is not over-reacting to one thoughtless comment. John’s statement just provides the match to a massively built up pile of emotional tension, stresses, and conflicts around who she is, her needs, money, leadership, and submission. The idea then that she may lose Geoff, the one person who gives her what she feels she needs to help her carry the other part of her life is simply too much and she literally runs away.

Geoff sees her as a true submissive, one who literally begs him to dominate and humiliate her and loves, LOVES it when he does. If that is who she truly is, why would he not try to save her from a sexless marriage where her husband for his own financial gain, forces her to suffer and stress trying to be what she is not. It is not easy to pick a side in a marriage, but many of us have supported someone to get out of a relationship and situation that is making them unhappy and not meeting their needs.

John sees her a complex talented woman who has lovingly engaged in intense sexual games that satisfy both her and him. But to him, her talents, leadership, strength and dominance reflect who she truly is. That’s who he is in love with. It arouses him that she denies him and teases him about the sexual satisfaction she gets from exploring her submission with another man. But until now that has just been a game they play because that is not who she is. The idea it could blow up their marriage seems unfathomable. But leaving and considering permanently moving out is EXACTLY what people do when they are thinking of ending their marriage.

Dialectical thinking holds that seemingly opposing thoughts can both be true.

It is absolutely possible for completely opposite aspects of our personalities to become integrated and reach a point where they are just part of the complexity of life. And this board is full of people who are dominant in one area but submissive in another. But the journey to get there can be difficult and sometimes we choose one thing and walk away from another.

Anyway, my two cents and thank you again John for sharing.

[Trickydicky69]

I can entirely agree with you SusAno, on one level. Psychology theory is one interpretation and certainly who is the core personality of Sherrie is at the centre of all this.
But did she need to have a meltdown? She married up these parts of herself happily before and a thoughtless remark shouldn’t have triggered it.
As you say, people in general cope with this everyday. We all wear masks.
Potentially there are no villains and as I’ve briefly mentioned and you’ve explained further, Geoff may have thought their marriage was a sham, since she saw Geoff so much.
But the problem with playing the cheating wife card for so long, is the illusion becomes unsustainable.
Either Geoff saw through them and realised John did know all along (John says Geoff is blissfully unaware) or Geoff saw his chance to take her.
I still see though, that he has been manipulating her into this position. You say he has been giving her aftercare but of what type? Whispering marriage wrecking ideas to her when she is in vulnerable sub space is not after care!
And in Sherries monologue, she lets drop about these talks of Geoff. So it has been going on.
At least, from what John has written…. but he is holding back some things I’m sure.

[blooit1]

Great port @SusAno. Your analysis and subsequent hypothesis is well reasoned.
I’m inclined to agree with most of what you suggest. Perhaps the one aspect I’m less inclined to align with, are your thoughts on G…….Clearly he is a dominant, but I don’t believe he is a sadist. The pain, suffering and humiliation he provides to S is for her benefit and is largely encouraged by her.
I don’t believe G gets that much out of it per se. He gets off on control and I have to say he exercises that control to leverage maximum benefit to himself.
I struggle to accept that he made his pitch to S with the intention of saving her from “a sexless marriage”. I think he’s far too selfish for that. More likely, he’s made the pitch with a view to strengthening his control over S and hence increasing his own pleasures.
I’ve always struggled to get a good read on G and my take on him changes as J reveals more to us. Where we stand in the tale now, he appears to be the only one who is not getting all his needs met, ie he wanted a closer emotional bond to S, which she has firmly rebuffed. I wonder how sustainable this might be for him??
It will be interesting to hear what J thinks of your post and I look forward to hearing more from him in the future.

[Trickydicky69]

Speaking as a Dom previously, it’s hard work being a Dom!
So I think Geoff is getting all his needs satisfied, otherwise he wouldn’t do it. Remember this has been 4 years plus he had a sub before Sherrie too.
The only thing he isn’t getting, is Sherrie 24/7 and that is what he’s been trying to engineer, with these recent effects.
Sherrie was getting everything she wanted but now seems to be having existential angst.
John was happy mostly although I still feel some vibes from John that perhaps he would have liked the old Sherrie back a bit more- seeing her naked, having PIV sex again etc. Not so much time with Geoff.

[Cuckysi]

Like SusAno I feel the need to publically post my thanks to John for a wonderfully engaging thread. I only found this thread a couple of weeks ago - looking for something to 'entertain' myself whilst I had the house to myself. I read it by chronologically jumping through John's main posts, skipping the comments in order to get to the end before members of my family returned to the house. I finished my read through indignant on John's behalf and full of admiration for his steadfast loyalty to Sherrie and their marriage! I was appalled by Sherrie's selfish and callous disregard of his feelings and their marriage (in particular her seemingly disproportionate response to his fairly innocous comment about cheap rate phone calls and her whole post blow up response including reconnecting with Geoff before any rapprochement with John), and also thoroughly disliking Geoff.
Last weekend i had an empty house again and, this is the real testament of how powerful this thread is, I reread it in its entirety twice - all of John's posts, all the comments by his readership and, crucially, his replies to those comments. This time I had a very different picture - respect for the way Sherrie so skillfully pushed John's buttons sexually, and also sympathy for the opposing pressures that were seemingly causing her such angst. For me as well (and I do apologise as this is your thread and your story) the verdict is out in terms of how I view John - is he nobly allowing Sherrie to explore her sexuality in a safe and supported way or is he allowing her to flirt with disaster in order to satisfy his own selfish sexual desires?
The figure I feel most sorry for (and I do realise that I could be sadly disabused of this view with what is to come) is Geoff. Imagine meeting what might be the women of your dreams, a willing and engaged participant in what ever you can come up with, and then finding that you are only providing her a service! Whether or not he knows that John is aware of his and Sherrie's activities, they are both using him for their sexual gratification without him having agreed to take play a role in this.
I'm dying to see how this plays out given that there is another 18 months to two years left of the Sherrie/Geoff relationship. I'm not going to predict anything (given how more experienced posters have got it some of it wrong so far), however I do wonder if it ends because Sherrie continues her descent (not a fall as it is by her own volition) into the bottomless pit and Geoff actually backs out because he is not up to it! It will also be interesting to see if the little and rare reservations expressed by John continue to grow, and what impact the continuation of these relationships have on the financial difficulties faced by their business and their marriage. Finally I'm hoping, given that this takes place about 20 years ago, that we have more of John and Sherrie's story and bring us up to date with park run away weekends.
I am full of admiration and envy for those of you who have been part of this journey for the last two years or so. I'm checking for updates every day and desperately hoping that the potential sale of their business doesn't distract him from finishing their story.
I've never been tempted to post before, so this is a testament to how powerful and engaging I've found John's posts and the engagement by the wider community with some amazingly interesting and insightful posts.

[Trickydicky69]

Fair points Cuckysi.
I’m certainly minded to put Geoff in the naughty corner!
But it’s not unreasonable to try seeing it from his viewpoint. The amount of time she spent there would suggest there’s a problem in the marriage- if J & S had a normal marriage. However, they don’t, as it turns out. It’s survived all this upset plus the amount of free range they give each other.
Geoff probably had never encountered a couple like them - I know I struggle to really believe in the strength of this bond despite Johns explaining. And that’s with the benefit of this lifestyle forum. Which Geoff wouldn’t have had the benefit of at the time.
So perhaps he genuinely thought he had a fair game chance. Nevertheless there is evidence suggesting that he has been manipulating in the background and his attitude is that the husband is Sherries issue, not his.
So I think that does support my belief that Geoff has a selfish, narcissistic personality trait- he appears to have never married, not sure if had kids etc. Not it means that every unmarried guy is like that but makes you wonder.
And I personally think he is a sadist too, not just a control freak. So he might get off on causing emotional pain too.

I’ve already suggested that playing the cheating wife long term isn’t tenable, so again, giving him benefit of the doubt, perhaps he simply thought he’d stir things up and see how it all works out.

As for John using and abusing Sherrie for his own benefit- I don’t see it. Except as a subconscious thing - she wants to enjoy herself and it turns him on to let/encourage/support her. Which is basically what John tells us is the situation. So it suits them both. They’re very lucky to have found each other.
Except Geoff threw a spanner in the works.

I can’t see Sherrie going for deeper and darker submission at this point. She’d have to move in with Geoff to do that realistically and I don’t think either John or Sherrie could cope with that.
There’s been a severe event and even though she can’t give it up, I suspect she still registers it subconsciously and realises that actually she and John are reaching the limits of what they can expect of each other and still be together. Sherrie ought to give time now to John and have a proper reset, not blindly carrying on.

At what point are you no longer a couple? If she lived with Geoff for 2 years in deep submission, then in the UK, John can legally apply for divorce and she cannot stop him, even if she felt that they were still a couple and she was just “experimenting.” These are the extremes of course but it’s fair to say, their marriage is unusual in many ways but works for them.

As the previous poster mentioned, even talking about leaving your marriage suggests you might be reaching the point of doing it- weighing up the pros and cons. Consciously thinking of it… so the bond hasn’t broken but has come up for discussion. Geoff must now be confused though because she spends so much time there, visible marks, denies John sex yet also tells him she’s not leaving John!

It’s curious that John states that Geoff was never informed of the truth. Even afterwards. Makes you wonder why? And if they had been more upfront, perhaps all this wouldn’t have happened.
I know John says it was deliberate because it made it more exciting but as I said, was it tenable for Geoff to still believe it after 4 years?
So I can understand your sympathy for Geoff as he was just providing a service. So why didn’t Sherrie admit it to him when they reunited? They had a heart to heart then. But perhaps she did ? Perhaps it’s John who is in the dark?
John’s take has always been absolute trust of Sherrie to tell him what he needs to know. What if she did admit to Geoff what the truth was? And has never told John?

Perhaps he’s reading this now, thinking “I’ve been played for a fool”…. insert the name John or Geoff depending on your beliefs….
That’s just British irony/sarcasm by the way, not a criticism.
The lowest form of wit/humour….

[Maddie_Hippychick]

John… We’re waiting.

[Johng1953]

Almost 2 weeks since John even logged on. Maybe some of our criticisms of Sherrie's behaviour and our questioning of her commitment to their rock solid love and marriage as John's obviously was has driven him away.
I hope not.
After all, in the end he was proved to be right.

[Maddie_Hippychick]

Let’s hope for the best. I know we all like to speculate on this thread, but I really just hope he’s OK.

[JeffBingham]

@cuckysi I have absolutely zero empathy for Geoff. He knowingly and willingly initiated an affair with a married woman. Sherrie’s complicity in this is irrelevant. Going into this relationship, Geoff had no idea of John and sherrie’s arrangement. So the best thing you can say about him is that he didn’t give a fuck, which in my book makes him a selfish and shitty human being. At worst, he wanted her for himself and to destroy her marriage. That would make him an even more despicable person.

I believe him to be in the former camp. He just had, and has a total disregard for other people’s lives and marriages. If that’s the best case scenario, he’s a piece of shit in my book. We won’t ever play with cheating men or men that think my wife is cheating on me. If they need to think she’s cheating in order to fuck her, they’re either an asshole or they’re insecure. Either way, they won’t get the privilege of fucking Mrs Bingham!

[Trickydicky69]

I’m sure John is fine but busy. He’d tell us if he was permanently off the board although admittedly, Chris didn’t.
Probably just busy with work plus he does read and respond to our musings and he’s probably putting responses together offline.
After all, he’s got responses plus the next instalment to write!
He may be trying to finish the opus for us as it is a monster!

[antidote2909]

Yeah, I hope so too.

[Lensman2000]

John, I hope that nothing dire is keeping you from updating your riveting story. I'm sure your beautifully written posts must be labor-intensive with quite a bit of buffing, polishing and, maybe, consultation with Sherri before you're comfortable publishing. All of your avid readers appreciate your effort and are looking forward to hearing how you and Sherri navigated the last of the Geoff years... and then some.

[john jasson]

(I left off with Sherrie and I in the midst of our emotional Friday night reconnection after her passionate Thursday reunion with Geoff. She’s currently describing the Wednesday night with him after her return from her trip. If you haven’t read the previous part please do so first or this will make no sense. (Or even less sense than usual!))


She says she was surprised he went to such extremes that night, and I’m shocked at his bizarre method of comforting her.

G(to S): I know you think you’ve come for sympathy, but total submission is always the best medicine for you, girl. I’ll never spare you under any circumstances. You need it, and you’ll always get it from me. You need to let go of that superficial world you have out there and put yourself fully into my hands. Always.

S(to me): It worked too. I was soon deep in my sub space and nothing else mattered. Naturally I thought he was talking to me just in the moment as usual, but thinking about it while I was down south, I think now that he was preparing the ground for wanting me to go and live with him, and the bombshell he dropped the next night.
**********

J: Were you ever open to it? Could it have been a possibility? Because I just can’t imagine you in that headspace full time. It’s alien to everything you’ve always been. The properly independent young woman doing her own thing.

She speaks but falters continually. Thinking her way through, choosing her words carefully. Hesitating again and again. Correcting herself for nuance.

S: Not by last night, I wasn’t open to it, well not by this week really, and even then…... Maybe not ever, realistically. I mean…., totally honestly, it pecked at my head a little bit while I was away at Mum’s, particularly when I was rebelling against her demanding that I come back home to you….. Yeah, and I’m ashamed….., deeply. Stupidly, I suppose I did wonder idly what it might be like to devote my whole self to that surrendered life. You know? As I’m lying there unable to move or speak that Wednesday night I got back, I felt him lording over me such total power that he’s taken every last thing from me including my control over my own continence. He’s watching my pee run into a bag that he’s fixed into me on a whim. He’s smirking as he asserts his full mastery of me……. He knows full well I’m into it too which makes it far worse for me…. Or better! Depending on whether it’s while it’s happening or in the remorseful immediate aftermath. He knows I’m enjoying it because he’s so familiar with my reactions by now, that everything about my body confirms it before his eyes. No way can I conceal it. And he taunts me with the knowledge, always turning up the volume on me….

G(to S): That’s right, girl. Keep blushing your shame. There are bits on your belly and thighs that aren’t a deep enough shade of puce for my liking yet, and they need to exhibit the livery of your full disgrace to me. I’ve never known a sloppy wet cunt dribble so much as yours does while you’re catheterised. The nick of your arse is soaked and so is the horse underneath you! Proves to me how much you love your helplessness before your Master. You need to let your shame out and gorge on the energy of your humiliation to him. Tell me how much you need this, girl.

S: I can’t speak because of the ball gag, and the drool from my mouth running down my neck is already reaching my chest, but I still have to try to form the words anyway and grunt as best I can that it’s essential to my very existence and I can’t live without it. Savouring my own discomfort and deep embarrassment might be mad, but I’m helpless to do anything but relish it. He’s done this to me, you see, so I can fool myself that I have no responsibility for being this way at all. I can pander to his desires and my own obsessions, and escape completely from my demanding grown up world outside without any blame. What it does to ignite my senses is far beyond description. So heady. It’s not the real me at all though, is it? Then in the cottage when I was at rock bottom, craving the way he treats me and fearing I’d lost him for good, I guess a little of me was leaning to it again. Wondering if I wanted to live like that. It’s always coming from my sex brain. The wild, reckless side of me that needs him so badly and will do anything to have my fill would have said yes at that time, perhaps…. Yeah. I’m sure it would….. But don’t forget, I was open to smoking cigarettes and cutting myself off from you as well, so everything was more than a bit crazy. It wasn’t me doing all that stuff. I don’t need to tell you that. I wasn’t in a good place, was I? Totally fucked up.

J: Yeah, I know. I never actually lost faith in you and us. How could I? You know I wouldn’t, but I feared you were having a mental breakdown when you left. I had a few desperate times especially in the small hours. I’m only human too.

She looks shocked, almost shattered, at my assessment of her state of mind.

S: Shit. I don’t know what a breakdown feels like, but it couldn’t be much worse than how I was feeling. You could be right. You know I’m weird to begin with, and I’m so grateful to have you putting up with it and me. Geoff always says the submitted Sherrie is the real me fighting to get out from under a life that I’ve overcomplicated. I admit it makes me think when he says it, and the idea gets that same part of me very agitated, ready to scratch the itch some more. It’s there now, despite all of this shit, but my sane head says it would never work as a life for me. And really, despite him insisting only he knows what’s good for me, I don’t believe Geoff understands what makes me tick at all. He only wants to see that part of me that craves submission and he feeds into it and sparks off it because he’s into that side of me too. Fair enough, I guess. I’m deliberately quite shy and secretive about my outside life when I’m with him, so being sub is the only aspect of me I show to him, but what he doesn’t realise is that perhaps the biggest kick of all is the constant anticipation stalking my brain when I’m not actually doing it. The subtle drip, drip thrill of going through my normal responsible real world life that I cherish, while never knowing when this inverse role will overwhelm me again from out of the blue. Hard to explain this, but it seems to put me on a higher plane of lucidity the whole time in everything I do. Maybe I’m valuing every second of my normal life too because I’m never knowing when he will strip all my adult rights and dignity away from me, and make me bow utterly to his will again; force me to endure my humiliation and his tough discipline. It’s an odd feeling needing to be demeaned, I can tell you, and even wallowing happily in the prospect and the inevitability. I never expected this could be me, but I made peace with it, didn’t I? Opened my mind and accepted it as intrinsic to who I am, and it’s been so rewarding for years now. I don’t regret a thing before the last few weeks, but accepting it alone as the whole sum total of me? That would be something quite different.

J: It’s been rewarding for both of us. All three of us, I’m sure, but of course it isn’t the sum total of you. That’s ludicrous, and you’re not telling me anything I don’t know already about you living in anticipation. I’ve told you in the past that I can tell when you haven’t had your medicine for a while and you’re getting needy for it. It’ll only ever be one facet of you though. You’re a multiverse of other incredible traits and qualities way beyond BDSM. It’s nothing by comparison to the complete you and all the things I love about you.

S: Thanks, babe. You are always too kind to me.

She knits her brow as her recall kicks in.

S: Well. Almost always!

I’m not getting away with my failings in THAT phone conversation so easily yet, it seems, regardless of our amiable conversation.

S: But I’ll be so hot just from wondering when it will be, you know? The next time he sends for me. I can’t help it. No physical stimulation or anything is required. Solely having the mindfuck that at any given moment he could signal me and within minutes have me reduced to some nonentity, that helpless “girl” in his hands, just sends me and keeps me wet with excitement a lot of the time. All this is going on, firing my consciousness, and I love that nobody around me knows what’s driving me so wickedly – well maybe except you sometimes. I’d become attuned to having that high level of stimulation whatever I’m doing. Hoping for it to be today, maybe this hour. Dreading it too….. Then at some random point, his text will ping in dripping with that cocky arrogance and foreboding. Negating me as a woman instantly, and taking my breath away at the thought of what’s to come. Maybe I’m sitting at my lab bench looking into the microscope, my stomach doing somersaults at the prospect of what he might make me do or do to me. Then I’m involuntarily hyperventilating. Those crazy, uncontrollable parts of me exhilarated in the hope and fear he’ll be really severe on me. Rushing to get out of the lab in the headspin he’s put me into, my legs trembling as I try to keep it together for long enough to reel off instructions to the team to pick up my work and tell them I have to leave urgently. If only they knew!

J: I know it consumes you the moment he calls you to him. It always has though. I remember those early times way back. His texts always put you into a dither. I love to watch it happen as the change comes over you.

S: Absolutely. Completely. I’m instantly lost as a naughty child about to be punished. My body tingles with electricity as I make my way to him ready to kneel before him in submission and offer myself up for whatever he has planned. If I was with him 24/7, all of that would be gone though, wouldn’t it? It would just be routine. Being totally selfish, I don’t want that. There’s a lot more to me, as you say. Probably ninety percent more of me that’s wrapped all around you. But just as I don’t want it 24/7, events have proved I don’t want to be without it 24/7 either. It was just perfect as it was, but suddenly I was faced with all or nothing! Why did he have to ruin it?!

Her awesome technical analysis again. She’s given the matter comprehensive consideration, I can see, but not with her usual scientist’s dispassion. She is emotional in the extreme.

J: You’re asking a lot of a man like him to comprehend the finer points of your complex psyche!

S: Yeah, I know……..

She falls silent into one of her thoughtful trances for some seconds. It’s when I know she’s processing stuff, slicing and dicing it through her brain. I take in what are very familiar Sherrie mannerisms as she pouts, biting her bottom lip then licking it. They’re cutely feminine interludes to watch, but they’re somehow immensely powerful at the same time.

S: After he dumped me I suppose I was seeing him through rose-tinted glasses, but….. As I said he doesn’t understand what makes me tick, John, and neither does he nurture the full spectrum of me, mind and body like you do. He could never stimulate and fulfil my intellectual and loving, emotional needs. I know I’m very demanding that way. He’s just a red hot sex and discipline machine for me, and I can’t minimise that. I won’t try to minimise it and insult your intelligence just to make things seem less awkward for us right now. He makes my body perform to its maximum in the pool, on the track, in bed and he drives my submissive kink crazy; totally connects with it, and he’s exactly what I need when I’m feeling that side out. I couldn’t put up with him full time, being realistic, though. I get the impression it would be like being in the forces with his intensity, and the thrill would curdle very quickly. As I’ve tried to explain, so much of it’s about the vibe that’s just a minuscule seed in my head while I’m doing everyday stuff. Mental much more than physical. The ever present danger that he’ll snap his fingers and I’m ordered with no choice into this other wild world. I’d be bored shitless in every other respect and even the hot stuff would be played out and lose its appeal if it was all the time. I wasn’t in my right mind to entertain the idea even for a second, and I can see that clearly now the mist has lifted. It’s you. But you know it anyway without me saying. You knew I’d come around when even I didn’t. You’re so wise. You ground the crazier parts of me, always have done. That’s why my Mum loves you so much! She sees that you’re my lightning conductor keeping me safe from myself. It was always you. It always will be. I have faith in you and us too. I guess that in my self-pity and despair at losing my play toy, it never crossed my mind that all this was genuinely at risk. I kind of look upon you and us as eternal, a given, so fooling around with him is only an erotic risk that plays with our heads, not a real one. It frightens me now how it’s been between us. I love you so much.

I venture a hug and draw her body in to me.

J: Bloody hell, Sher. This is by far the closest we’ve ever come to fucking it all up.

I whisper the words in her ear as she turns to look at me. Her face is full of pain:

S: I DO love you so much, John, believe me, I always will. You ARE me, but I can’t live completely without him just now. I’m afraid he spilled over somehow from my sex brain into my real world, and I hadn’t realised it. Can you see? I’m so, so sorry, my love. It is a dangerous game we played. But deep down I guess we always knew, even if we ignored it.

J: It was always so hot, and we just thought we were strong enough.

S: We are. Well, I hope we are, but it’s been seismic. Some of the thoughts I had while I was away. My brain was overloading; tripping out. I don’t want to experience them again, ever.

J: Like?

I can routinely read her expression, of course. She frequently tells my I’m the only person who knows her inside out. She’s clearly in really difficult territory, and she’s debating internally her next revelation.

S: Alien things that are just not me…….. Things that strike fundamentally at the woman I believe I am….. Undermining…. Everything. I…. This is so hard…..

We’re swimming through treacle at this stage.

J: You have to do this for me, Sher. We need to be on the same page at least with understanding where we are before we go forward.

S: I know babe. It’s just…. so HARD! I woke up in a cold sweat in the cottage in the middle of the night from a dream where I was sitting on the floor in a bare room, like I imagine a prison cell or a dungeon. The only thing I had on was his belly chain, and I’m breast feeding a tiny new born baby……. I know, I know!!! In the dream I knew it was mine and his. I mean, you know how far such a situation is from very non-maternal me, and he’s had a vasectomy for Christ’s sake, but there I was dreaming about me with his baby. You know? And this baby is sucking on my nipple for all it’s worth, making it red raw and excruciatingly painful, like I’m being punished by him through imposing this miniature version of himself on me….. And I was even relishing the scenario in the dream. The mind does odd things. I know I’ve made you suffer, but if it’s any consolation, I’ve made myself suffer too as you can see. And ridiculous dreams are just one example.

It’s profoundly shocking, totally out of character, and especially while she was in such a fragile state.

J: I can certainly see you’ve been through the wringer, love, and it’s no consolation at all, by the way. I actually can’t bear for you to suffer. I just want to protect you and have you back to your brilliant best. My wonderful Sherrie as you’ve always been. And whatever it takes, you will have it.

S: Do you really mean that though? Knowing what I want? Knowing I want him and crave what he does to me? I’m so very bad. I know I am.

Her big brown eyes are interrogating me. Looking for my inner feelings as I process:

S: I feel very lucky that he will still see me after turning him down flat. Can I dare to think that we can go back to where we were and carry on? Can I really be so lucky that you would allow me to be that mad person again? I know it’s a lot to ask. I’m not asking lightly. And I know I have no right and no other man would entertain my degenerate behaviour. I’ve been faithless, and a nightmare. I understand if you can never trust me, but I want this so bad, John. That can’t be a shock to you after all we’ve shared in doing this. Please don’t tell me you’re shocked.

J: No, I’m not shocked. Setting aside the shit that’s gone down this month, is what you’re asking for really that much different to the way things were before?

She’s speechless, full of emotion. Something profound occurs to me out of the blue:

J: Do you take me for a weak, gullible idiot?

The question throws her into confusion, and her face tells me she isn’t sure if I’m changing my mind, admonishing her, or messing with her head. Or even if she can be sure she heard me right. She looks at me in consternation such that she need not verbalise an answer. Her response might be superfluous, but it’s uncompromising nonetheless:

S: No! Fuck, no! You know I don’t!! You are the strongest person in the world. You must be made of steel to put up with me and still love me! You have all of my love, admiration and respect. More than ever before, if that’s possible.

J: I will always trust you to do right by me in the end. I just want to mend you and us. For us to love each other and be happy. Just situation normal, or whatever is normal for us. We’ve always maintained that we’re unbreakable. It hasn’t changed for me. I’m shaken, but not broken. It doesn’t matter what you do with him if I still have you as mine. And if I don’t still have you as mine, well it’s back to our old bottom line, isn’t it? We never had what we thought we had in the first place. But I wouldn’t feel too lucky about him being prepared to carry on with you. Why wouldn’t he? He’s half your age again older than you, and you’re fucking beautiful. He’s punching well above his weight with you, and he can do anything he likes to you right out of his darkest fantasies. He will never ever find a more beautiful and kinky sub.

S: You do still have me if you want me, babe, and you always flatter me. I’m so sorry for the scare, and I’m still partly in shock, but I’ll get there. I agreed with Geoff last night that if we carry on it has to be pulled back in some ways. I made it clear over and over so that he can be in no doubt that I’m married to you and that’s non-negotiable and not ever going to change. We didn’t work out what it all means, exactly. It’s still too raw, but there you are. He said he kicked himself a thousand times for finishing with me, and he says he’ll take what he can get of me rather than nothing. I guess that cost him a lot to say as a dom. I hope it doesn’t compromise his power over me, you know, subconsciously with either of us, and affect his dominance in our BDSM scene.

J: You must think you’re Superwoman or something with these guys hanging on a string for just a piece of you after you abandoned them both.

She laughs coyly, modestly. Modestly like my real Sherrie. The one I’ve known since we were 19.

S: Of course not. Far from bloody Superwoman that’s for sure! I’ve just been tossing around on an ocean of upset battered by the storm. You’re my number one, and you get much more than a piece of me. You always will because I belong with you. I do know you regretted hurting me as soon as you’d done it. Don’t beat yourself up anymore. It was just the wrong thing at absolutely the worst possible time. I was devastated and went off the deep end, then one thing led to another like dominoes falling. But there is nothing like our love, I promise, although Geoff and I were actually very loving in bed last night after we’d got the earthquake of our first frantic fuck out of the way.

That’s alarming. Some visions still immediately wave red flags even after all these years.

J: Loving? Really? You said you sat naked in his lap, crying.

S: Yeah. That was tough just listening to him pour it all out. And it’s tough relating this stuff to you now, but you say you always want the detail, don’t you? Even if you might not like it, you want it straight from the hip. No holds barred, right? So I always tell you everything. That’s our deal, and I’ll never shortchange you.

J: Sure. You know me. You’re my naughty girl! So I always need to know. Except the things you’re too scared to tell me!

S: It was a whole new experience. Loving Geoff! We made love twice more later on. I mean he really made love to me, kissed me without biting me, caressed my face softly, and was so tender to me. Even with the strain of that monster cock of his inside me, splitting me in two, I knew he was pulling his strength right back. Restraining his usual aggressive instinct to ball me through to kingdom come. It was to savour, but it was alien to me at the same time. I mean I’d never really made love to a man other than you. Not genuine deep feeling kind of love. It was sweet in a way, but I actually told him that I don’t want him to be too nice to me too often or I might go off him. I’m just not used to him being romantic and attentive. I don’t go there for that, and it felt freaky and dangerous; weird and even somehow disappointing. Like he’d gone limp on me during a performance. He laughed at that, and kissed me again, but I was thinking of you while he was doing it, feeling bad and fretting about being with him and not you. That’s never a thing if I’m with Geoff my Master because I’m so much into that, I’m a hundred percent distracted by it, and it’s so opposite to what you and I have that it doesn’t cross us. Anyway, gym and swim and running training goes on as before whatever happens. I want to keep my fitness levels going in the right direction and he drives me hard like I need to be.

J: And everything else? The kinky BDSM stuff?

S: Played by ear depending on how much we can or can’t keep our hands off each other as time goes by. If I tried to stay away from him I think I would just want to go back anyway, but I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know there. I’m being honest. I need his domination, and I’d rather admit that to both of us now than have to slide back later.

J: You say he was loving. Did he tell you he loves you?

S(smiles): If you knew him you wouldn’t ask the question. He said a lot of lovely things about me, but it was all on the theme of loving to dominate me, how wonderful a sub I am, and me loving his mastery. He’s not really given to verbal declarations of emotion. Not like we do all the time. He’s a bit stiff like that. (laughs) He’s stiff in other ways too!

It’s a lighthearted comment, but the mood is still intense, and I still have heavy stuff I need to cover.

J: I’m still upset that you felt you could bed him in the aftermath of this but not me. How does that work? You said chemistry, but we have always had superbly hot sexual chemistry between us too. I mean, I could understand if you were off both of us, but it seems that he dumped you but I was the bad guy. You looked at me on Wednesday after more than a week apart, and you didn’t feel the usual need for us to jump into bed together. In fact, just the opposite. I asked you, and you said no, not even to cuddle. I’m not used to it and it hurt a lot.

Her face creases up in a kind of horror at having her actions related back to her.

S: I am really sorry about it all, babe. I know it was wrong of me, but it was like he was the one I had the issue with that had to be settled before you and I could move on. It was unfinished business that I couldn’t bypass in my mind. You know I love you, even if I wasn’t acting like it, but don’t forget how much you upset me on the phone when I got back from California, so right then when it all first kicked off, you were the bad guy. I’m over it now, like I just told you, but at the time it felt like you destroyed our whole beautiful world. Coming on top of me being exhausted and the business being so precarious, you just didn’t seem to appreciate or care about what I’d tried to do to improve things for us by going out on a limb over there. That was a big, big ask for me; a mountain to climb. I’d never done anything like it in my life before, and I was scared stiff, more than I admitted even to you. But I faced it, I went. Overcame my fears, even made a success of it and those guys really were eating out of my hand by the end, then I get back so, so full of it all, run to the phone desperate to hear your voice, and you’re like, Fuck off and call back in two minutes! No “Thank you, sweetheart.”. No “You’re wonderful, darling.”. No “I love you, Sherrie.”. No fucking nothing! SHIT, John!

I shrivel again at the awful thought. Her big eyes are wide. I see that it still pains and confounds her that I was less than a hundred percent there for her. It confounds me too. Neither of us understands it. What was I thinking?

J: I knew I hurt you, but I apologised for it straightaway. I felt like cutting my tongue out. Yes it was stupid, but I don’t think it quite deserved the whirlwind I reaped. We reaped.

S: I know, John. It’s ok now. I’m only trying to explain, but I really was exhausted and emotional. I needed your strength and comfort enveloping me like I thought could always rely on, and instead you blanked me with a crass remark. An apology doesn’t stop the hurt, you know, and it was such a shitty thing to say, made worse by you never having treated me that way before, ever. So why then of all times? It made no sense, and it was the catalyst for all that followed because in my horror and vulnerability that night as he put me into restraint, I told Geoff how much you’d upset me in terms I regret now. He was the only sounding board I had. No doubt he was thinking about my words all the time I was there with him controlling me. Before we went to bed he tied me down and caned me over the vaulting horse while I still had the catheter in, telling me this was my punishment for being so stupid as to put up with being married to you, and he really made it hurt. Gave me four stinging strokes all on the same fleshy line where my bum meets my thighs, and he had to carry me to the bedroom because I couldn’t stand up afterwards. The remnants of the bruises are still there. He was sending a strong message, I suppose, but I hadn’t joined the dots, probably stupidly, and the next night after swimming he made his move. Then, when I backed off in shock and tried to close it down, he threw me out. Literally pushed me out of bed, marched me to his front door and out into the night with my clothes in my hands. All incredibly bad timing. All three of us are responsible.

Even now, I don’t feel able to ask her exactly what it was she said to him about me, so I keep quiet. Maybe one day she’ll volunteer it; maybe it’s better left dark.

S: You’re my rock, and I knew deep down I would come out of the bad place and that when I did you would be there for me. You would always understand me. I suppose I was taking you for granted, but I think often that’s what real lovers do, like when you said what you said to me. You assumed I would be ok with it. That’s careless of both of us, really, but I know I can always depend on you, even if I treat you badly, so please take it as a compliment. I didn’t set out to do any of that shit, just like you didn’t set out to upset me. It all hit me like a ton of bricks, and I know it hit you the same way. I DO love you, John. SO much.

With a jolt, I realise she’s told me she loves me quite a few times now. Normally that’s umpteen times a day, but I can’t recall the last time before this evening. It’s a familiar warm feeling, and I feel a powerful surge of love for her.

J: I know, sweetness. I know you were suffering badly. I never lost confidence in us even at my lowest ebb, but you gave me a hell of a fright. You do seem much better for seeing him. It’s more than I could do for you when you got back though, and that worries me about our own connection.

S: Yeah, but again, you have to remember it was him that my main trauma was about. I was losing him, not you. I never ever think I’m losing you because I see you as part of me. If you were being uncharitable you might say that gives me licence to shit all over you, but I promise it was never like that. Now I’ve reached some kind of understanding with Geoff, I’m calm on it again, or I think I am. When it all went off, I felt like a hedgehog rolling into a ball with my quills out for protection. Nobody could get near me, and I’m so, so sorry, but probably because of how it kicked off, that included you. I didn’t feel I could share the problem with you. It was wrong of me. I know it was wrong, but you are the closest to me, so you got the full effect of the blast. I cut you off. I ran away. I’m sorry, and I’m ashamed, but actually I was cutting myself off rather than you. I really couldn’t cope with anyone or anything, and it was scary.

J: It’s been tough for both of us. Losing him really affected you far more than I could ever have imagined it would.

S: Yes, me too, but it’s all relative. If I lost you I’d kill myself. Absolute truth!

My surge of love is rising now from strong to overwhelming. Is she really speaking her feelings or just trying to comfort me in my pain? Whichever it is, it is coming from her heart through love for me, so that’s alright. She’s being my familiar little darling, so I’ll take it.

J: I’d kill myself if I lost you. It crossed my mind, but then, deep down, the voice of our love came to me and told me you’d come back. I knew I had to be here for you when you did. I suppose I could cope when you were venting on me. Just about. I was more worried about you when you sent those texts saying that you were a terrible person and to leave you alone.

S: Oh, babe! I hate myself so much right now. You know I was out of my tree. I didn’t even know what I was saying or thinking most of the time.

J: And smoking cigarettes? Really?

S: Yes, really. A measure of where my head was. I threw the rest of them away the next day.

J: Are you coming back to our bed tonight?

She breaks out into a sly smile:

S: I’ll think about it.

I can hardly believe it after all that’s gone down, but the little bitch then dredges up one of her evil, shit eating grins for me:

S: Dare I ask? Is our game still on?

J: You little slut! Well whether it is or not, I’m going to take all of your clothes off and I’m going to fuck you good at long, long last.

S: Hmmmm. Maybe. So long as you use condoms.

After all she’s put me through! She’s plainly feeling much more like her real self now. And that’s certainly ok with me. It’s actually fucking fantastic. Maybe it is only because she knows Geoff is back on line for her, but again, for now I’ll take it. Throughout my life I’ve been a firm believer in patience; slowly, slowly, catchee monkey. It’s worked out well for me in the past, and I’m already hard at the thought of having her. It seems she’s no longer denying me, but I’m hotter still because she’s told me to wear a condom. Pushing my buttons again like only she can, but it’s simply practicality because she’s still off the pill.

Then she gets up, sits on my lap and comes in for a real Sherrie kiss that I’ve needed badly these long weeks. I hold her so tight, like I won’t ever let her out of my arms, then I’m caressing her sweet, beautiful face with my fingertips almost unable to believe this is happening. I feel her warmth, her heavenly softness. My irreplaceable darling. This is the epitome of real love and I drink it all in with a thirst that will never quench. We move it on with a bottle of red like so many times before.

At last, we indulge our mutual delight in undressing each other, and I marvel at seeing her awesome body fully naked again before breaking off to find some condoms that have been languishing at the back of the drawer for ages. I beckon her to put the rubber onto me, and she falls to her knees in front of me to kiss the end of my cock, barely brushing it featherlike with her lips. Other than that she doesn’t touch it, but she unrolls the condom onto me, and we’re soon fucking all over the room, respecting our old time honoured tradition. Sherrie loves to fuck. She’s so ready, ever so responsive and tight as a vise around my thrusting cock, proving that Geoff hasn’t been able to change her in that respect at least, in spite of his girth and his early boasts promising to give her a cunt like an old whore. It’s been a long time, and we’re soon reaching our mutual crashing orgasm that leaves both of us breathless and exhausted. It feels like she’s finally home. More home than she’s been for a while in that sense, I suppose. Of course my mind wanders to what else she might have got up to with him last night, and what more passed between them. She’s wet as hell, and there’s more than a hint of Damien nipples. Is she thinking about him as we make love, I wonder. Is she elated even as we lie here still joined in the knowledge that she has the green light from both of us once more to do her worst with him? Even now, there’s still no cure for me, but I don’t care. My love is here as one with me, and it’s all that matters. We’ve both climaxed for the first time together since the self-inflicted craziness, and we’ve engaged in ecstatic full penile-vaginal coitus for the only time since just after Geoff deepened her submission to him.

J: Fuck, Sher. I needed that. The first time we’ve been one flesh in over a year. That’s ridiculous.

S: Yeah. But I think I’m gonna miss denying you, and I think you’ll miss it too. It was red hot for both of us, but I needed that joining too. More than that, our love needed it. That’s what matters, and it was wonderful, just like always. It never gets old.

J: Don’t worry. I’ll let you tease me mercilessly sometimes.

She gives me one very mischievous look in response.

S: You’ll let me? You think you need to give me permission, big man?

As she’s been doing a lot of the talking this evening, revealing stuff about last night and her mind’s turmoil over her time away, I start to tell her my tale of woe that I’ve already related here. The despair at her leaving, the daily hell at the business, the lonely marathon walk through the hills, getting smashed on that grim Sunday and playing all of our cherished tunes. We’re still cosy lying naked on the rug together, so I reach out to the coffee table and grab the remote to switch on the sound system. The Lightning Seeds’ CD is still in there, so I set up “Pure” and let it run.

J: I must have played this a hundred times, torturing myself.

Tears instantly fill her eyes and she moves to kiss me again softly, one hand on my cheek, the other holding my already resurgent erection as our love song plays on. By the time it’s halfway through, she’s put a fresh condom on me and she’s sitting on my lap again, facing me this time, positioning her supple body over me, my cock sliding far up inside her to the hilt where it belongs, as she reacquaints me with the outrageous things she can do to a man in cow girl position with her exquisite vaginal muscles and her rapid, powerful X rated rhythmic pelvic movement.

My hands stroke her back lightly, encouraging her, urging her on to higher heights as I think of the multiple times he must have enjoyed this very pleasure since I last did so. Her back is soft to my touch, but also firm now through all of her fitness activities with Geoff. She’s a very fit, strong woman in her prime, but she seems beautifully, totally, exquisitely vulnerable as she whimpers, her face contorting in response to another climax building and then cresting deep within her. This must be the vision her Master experiences as she willingly humbles herself before him while she takes him into her anally in this same position. I try to picture the submission etched across her face as she struggles to accommodate his size there. The stark difference is that while her sweet vision of feminine vulnerability urges me on only to love and comfort her tenderly, it incites Geoff to ever greater extremes in his quest to tame, dominate, break her spirit and humiliate her. I muse on her complex psyche that thrives on both of these extremes. Additionally, I recall, there is never ever a condom separating their bodies as he coaxes and cows her to his will. It’s a final barrier I have yet to break down, but I also acknowledge the erotic aspect of it for both of us, as well as the practical contraceptive imperative. After some minutes of blissful silence as we remain tightly embraced, heads over shoulders with our genitals still locked, she speaks bringing me out of my trance:

S: I’m so sorry, John. I will love you forever. Please, please forgive me for my mad bitch act.

I grip her shoulders and push her body backwards a little, so I can look her in the face. I’m not much when it comes to shit eating grins, but:

J: I’ll think about it. And I’m not at all convinced it’s an act!

She chuckles at my barb at her expense.

S: I just love you, Mr Jasson. So much.

J: I just love you, Mrs Jasson.

“Pure” was apparently still set on repeat from that mental Sunday, and after several plays it’s nearing its end chorus yet again. We haven’t sung it to each other like way back when we were kids, but as we continue to look deep into each other’s eyes, she does mouth the evocative line “Shiver at the sight of you.” to me, and I reply with the very last line “Pure and simple just for you.” Yep. We definitely have a bit of a moment over that as we collapse together in a heap of tears and emotion.

[PaNic]

So glad you’re back John!

[Trickydicky69]

Fantastic writing as always. In fact, probably the best yet!
I say that because I always felt you were holding back, especially in those asides when you were trying to answer my exasperating questions.
This is the back story details I thought were lurking.
Of course, I see it my way and inevitably feel this vindicates some of my views which you didn’t want to pre-empt for the sake of the intense story.
Obviously, it’s not finished but we can probably see where the rest is heading….. or maybe that will prove presumptuous of me?

I know myself and others have had a poor view of Geoff which frankly, this segment has not exonerated him. The best I will say is that he truly believed you were a rubbish husband and that Sherrie would be happy as a 24/7 sub. He did manipulate her but didn’t appreciate her more complex character which is what tripped him up.

It was pleasing to read her sincere apologies to you and the explanation of what was going on in her head during the cottage weeks. We can all understand how close to a breakdown she was.

But without being too harsh, many of us probably will still see her as somewhat selfish/self centred and “smugly” secure in your love of her, that she could just assume you would be there for her.
And that she didn’t really, sincerely understand how awful it was for you, until you spelt it out in your explanation to her.
i.e. no insight into the chaos she caused to you personally.

This selfish aspect of Sherrie reminds me too much of my wife and is something I really don’t love or respect in her, hence my sensitivity to the story. So in my book, you are a saint!

At least she forgave you about the phone bill!

[Tracey52]

Back to normal then I suppose?

[subtoall]

Superlative writing.