A virtual cuckold?

[newaussiecuck]

Don’t know how old L’a dog is, but what if her dog died? Have you thought of that?

It's very unlikely. Her dog is only a puppy about 7 months old.

Plus with the timing of how last meeting went and taking my number but not calling or messaging when she said that she would (was supposed to be an exchange of contact details).

It's something else apart from her dog. Maybe she just wanted to be friends but I ruined it by wanting more. Who knows really.

[joel68]

Too bad you didn’t get her number! Usually when that occurs it goes both ways.

What happened? I forgot why you didn’t get hers.

Sorry, I didn’t know the age of her dog.

[newaussiecuck]

Too bad you didn’t get her number! Usually when that occurs it goes both ways.

What happened? I forgot why you didn’t get hers.

Sorry, I didn’t know the age of her dog.

That's ok.

I thought I was getting her number. I asked her if she wanted to exchange contact details and she said ok and asked for my number first. Unfortunately I didn't know it off top of my head and had to search for it. I think maybe that weirded her out. So after getting mine and checking it I was expecting that she would call it then and there to give me hers. But instead she said she'll message me when she gets home but never did. All very strange to me.

I would have never just given my number and expected her to go to the effort of contacting me. I was going to contact her.

I'm still none the wiser really as to what happened.

[newaussiecuck]

Just had lunch, today is SO uncomfortable!

[newaussiecuck]

Most of the afternoon I let her work alone in the backyard while I pulled weeds at the front. Stayed right out of her way.

Went to the park but only stayed an hour, it was getting cold.

She seems maybe in a better mood tonight we'll see.

I followed what the books said and didn't bother to try and fix her mood, just stayed away and let her sort it herself.

The old me would have apologised by now even though I've done nothing wrong, or tried to pick up her mood. The new me says "Fuck that, I'm not apologising for nothing!"

Not sure if this new attitude will fix anything (probably not, it's probably unfixable), but hopefully good practice so that I don't get into this mess with someone else.

[whosbeensleeping]

Good to hear how things are going, even when not great. I think the not fixing is definitely a good practice.

[newaussiecuck]

Good to hear how things are going, even when not great. I think the not fixing is definitely a good practice.

Thanks for being interested!

It's the walking on eggshells effect and not knowing what kind of mood or response you'll get even from the same actions that makes it most difficult.

I've found another book that might be good for me to read next. Has good reviews and I think the topic is what I need.

"Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself" by Aziz Gazipura

[whosbeensleeping]

Thanks for the reference.
Ran across a counselor today, Nova Gibson, who's from your neck of the woods and seems quite insightful.
Here's a quote from her:
What is baiting?
Baiting is when a toxic person purposely does or says something that they know will hurt or upset you. It is usually some rude or cruel comment or remark, or a condescending remark. It is done to provoke some kind of reaction out of you, make you feel inferior, or to start drama and an argument. Never take the bait from a toxic person who does this. They are highly controlling, and often subtlety abusive. They have no concern for how they make others feel, and according to them, hurting someone else is never their fault. It will be your fault for reacting.

[newaussiecuck]

Thanks for the reference.
Ran across a counselor today, Nova Gibson, who's from your neck of the woods and seems quite insightful.
Here's a quote from her:
What is baiting?
Baiting is when a toxic person purposely does or says something that they know will hurt or upset you. It is usually some rude or cruel comment or remark, or a condescending remark. It is done to provoke some kind of reaction out of you, make you feel inferior, or to start drama and an argument. Never take the bait from a toxic person who does this. They are highly controlling, and often subtlety abusive. They have no concern for how they make others feel, and according to them, hurting someone else is never their fault. It will be your fault for reacting.

Yeah baiting seems to happen quite a bit unfortunately. The trick is in catching it in time to not react.

It's one of the tactics of narcissists. However, it was also mentioned quite a bit in the book I read about why women test men. That book was exceptional and insightful in how to handle a lot of those situations. Whether the woman is a normal functioning woman or a narcissist the techniques in how to handle the situation are the same.

While the book was fantastic and I highly recommend it, it probably did muddy the waters a little for me and my situation. When I read some of the traits of narcissists described in some of the tests that women make, I could feel myself starting to get a bit confused as to what I was dealing with. Was it just normal testing and I kept failing and just need to do better at passing these tests, or was it truly toxic narcissist behaviour and I've been deliberately set up for failure and been undermined by her evil and toxic nature?

I need to go back to the main events that happened over the last few years and when I do I can clearly see how non-normal and toxic and narcissistic (and probably psychopathic) she truly is. People do fuck up and have affairs or emotional affairs, but it takes a very mean spirited evil person to not give a shit about your husband's injury or surgery or his dying father and not even go to his funeral. I think I'm still in disbelief that even happened. In no way can any of that be construed as a test.

I also bought another book (this one audio so I can listen while driving to/from work. It's titled:
"The First Will Be Last: A Biblical Perspective On Narcissism (Don't Just Survive - Thrive)" by DC Robertsson

I'm only a quarter of the way through and so far this is quite a good book looking at it from a completely different perspective. I'm a firm believer that at its core human nature hasn't changed over thousands of years, so interesting to read what was written thousand's of years ago on the subject. Amazing!!!!

It goes into detail about how truly evil narcissists are and even goes as far as calling Satan as the first narcisist! Again I think back to the darkness I felt when praying over wife versus the light and joy I felt when praying over L.

God I miss L so much, please bring her back into my life!

[whosbeensleeping]

Wishing the same for you. Will send good thoughts your way.

[newaussiecuck]

Wishing the same for you. Will send good thoughts your way.

Thanks, I'm preying too!

Today was one of those days where I worked from home but everything was great and perfectly normal. I can enjoy the good days but they do make for a lot of confusion and makes me question why I'd even consider leaving when life's good on days like these.

I went to the park and N2 was there. She was away on the bench talking on her phone when I arrived. 20 minutes or so later she comes over smiling and asks how I'm doing "I haven't seen you in a while" I think it had only been a few days, maybe 4 or 5. Interesting.

One thing I'm not so sure about is she was drinking out of a very small thermas cup. I assumed it was coffee she was drinking. However somehow the conversation got around to wine, it was just the 2 of us plus the old retured guy chatting and I think he brought it up. So she actually mentioned that she was just drinking some, that's what was in the thermas container! She said she has a glass each night. That's fine and pretty normal I guess, but drinking wine at a dog park did raise some flags with me. I won't throw her under the bus over it, was a small container and was a freezing cold day so the equivalent of a glass of wine to keep her warm is probably ok. She wasn't intoxicated or anything, so I'm probably making a small deal over nothing. I'm not sure if I mentioned but she's an executive assistant. I always make a point of patting her dog and she was talking to her dog "awww that's so good is it? You're enjoying that" lol.

One thing before she left she quietly said "good luck" to the retired guy. I don't know what it's about, but very soon after that she had left the park and he commented about how he hasn't seen L for a long time. I'm not sure if it's related but I half wonder if she spoke to him about me. Probably not and it's likely to be something else she wished him good luck for.

Sunday afternoon there was a lady there that I've spoken to just a few times. Last time I saw her she was there with J when I was chatting to J. Remember that I think J knows L as they both described the same location as to where they live. This lady is also Vietnamese like L and J and she was cleanly not wanting to talk to me in detail much apart from hi and kind of walked past me and then to say bye when she was leaving. Not sure what that was about, but left me feeling a bit down and weird like my name was mud with them. Could also be that she was just giving me a wide birth so as to not step on L's toes. I hope it's the latter explanation!

Tomorrow I'll hopefully bump into N at the office. There's a chance that I might have a work meeting with her and another guy in our team as next step for the work I did for her. She sent an email to him and me, and she's asking the guy to do something for her, but he doesn't want to do it without a good reason. So he mentioned Monday that we might have a meeting to discuss why she wants it and whether it's worth doing. Not sure if the meeting will happen, I hope so. I might end up playing good cop to his bad cop. If there's no meeting I might go down and have a chat with her about it regardless.

I'm going to the office tomorrow with a couple of days growth, the book on attraction I read suggested some facial hair could be good. I was very freshly shaved last week when I approached her desk. Hoping some scruffy facial hair will give an edgier look, after she's seen the fresh faced look.

[newaussiecuck]

So the meeting with N is actually happening!

It's in half hour. It might also be with her boss who I mentioned is also pretty good looking in her own right.

It's a work meeting so won't be too flirty, but any chance to be in her mind is good.

I had to prompt the guy to set up the meeting lol.

[whosbeensleeping]

Cool!

[newaussiecuck]

So the meeting happened but it was a bit of a fizzer unfortunately. She video called into the meeting!

If she's working from home today that's obviously fine and the only way she can join the meeting. The background was blurred, but I think it did look a bit like she was at home but I couldn't tell.

However if she's in the office today that's a bad sign which means she's either probably avoiding me, or couldn't be bothered to walk up a flight of stairs.

I guess 3rd option is she's just so used to videoing into most meetings that it didn't occur to her to come up to the room.

Now to find out if she's in the office today. The meeting was called with only half hour's notice so wasn't a factor in whether she worked from home or not.

Edit: Walked past her area on my way out for lunch and although I couldn't be 100% certain from a quick glance at a distance it looks like neither N or her boss are in today. Next chance might be Wednesday next week.

[whosbeensleeping]

Too bad. Staying tuned.

[newaussiecuck]

Too bad. Staying tuned.

It's confirmed that N isn’t in today so I'm none the wiser.

Unfortunately I couldn't pick out any cues from the video call that I might have been able to discern if she was in the room, or even if it was a one on one video call like last time. Couldn't have any off topic banter with my colleague in the room.

In hindsight I wish I had confirmed her presence in the office today before reminding him to setup the meeting. It might have been forgotten until next week otherwise.

Oh well, will just have to find an excuse to go say hey next week.

Edit: It's better that I was able to confirm she isn't in the office today. That's better than thinking she was avoiding me. When I think back to last week, she was quite obviously enjoying the attention. I guess that wouldn't happen if she didn't value me and the attention that I was giving. That doesn't mean she's interested, but I kind of felt like it was an ego boost for her if nothing else, in a way that wouldn't happen if she thought I was a dweeby loser trying to hit on her.

When I left that day last week I walked past her area 20 minutes after knockoff time expecting her to have gone home and the area cleared out. Instead there were 3 other girls standing around her desk chatting and socialising with N. I've wondered if they were gossiping about my visit and finding out what's going on. As mentioned I've never been to her desk before, had no business reason to be there and we were obviously not talking about business.

Or it could just be a usual occurrence for those 3 girls to be socialising with N after work. It didn't seem to be just usual office chit chat the way they were gathered around her desk. I only saw the back of them and it was a very quick one second glance on my way out, but wish I knew who they were as they might have been good options for finding out N's status (single or not). I still think the indications are that she's single.

[newaussiecuck]

Today was a work from home day. Things were mostly OK and again I was starting to feel how much easier it would be to just go along with everything and try and see if we can put the past behind us and move on.

However, "wife" was getting excruciatingly on my nerve while watching some tv tonight. Always has to give her opinion and poo poo's my opinions or cuts me off and talks over the top of me. When I do manage to get something out that's inciteful and something she hadn't thought about she hardly acknowledges it and then has to go on and try and top it.

Most times I'm left with just giving 1 word answers or grunts because there's no point responding (she's just waiting for me to acknowledge the brilliance of her points of view). At one point she said something pretty stupid and I just didn't respond at all and just kept watching the tv. She followed up with saying something else with a "huh?" question at the end to prompt a response and I still didn't respond. She got really pissy after that saying "OK I'll shut up now". So I then either had to respond or be faced with the ice cold silent treatment I got on Saturday. So I gave some acknowledgement and then on and on it went. Aaarg!

Earlier I went to the park and it was just me and N2 for a bit. There wasn't any alcohol this time, I think it was just a one time thing the other day. It's the only time I've seen it. We mostly just played with the dogs and chatted a bit. So we now know each others work from office and work from home schedules. I brought up mine first and I think she took note that I was basically telling her which day's I'm most likely there.

We haven't had any deep and meaningful conversations like what I had with L, but I do feel there's a bit of interest there. I caught her looking up to look at me while she was patting her dog, but I guess I was looking at her too in order to catch her looking at me. So there's that.

It was really cold with rain coming so very few people there today. I haven't had much chance to get the word around that I'm hoping to see L again. Maybe on the weekend I can see some more people.

[Long Lurker 34]

Today was a work from home day. Things were mostly OK and again I was starting to feel how much easier it would be to just go along with everything and try and see if we can put the past behind us and move on.

However, "wife" was getting excruciatingly on my nerve while watching some tv tonight. Always has to give her opinion and poo poo's my opinions or cuts me off and talks over the top of me. When I do manage to get something out that's inciteful and something she hadn't thought about she hardly acknowledges it and then has to go on and try and top it.

Most times I'm left with just giving 1 word answers or grunts because there's no point responding (she's just waiting for me to acknowledge the brilliance of her points of view). At one point she said something pretty stupid and I just didn't respond at all and just kept watching the tv. She followed up with saying something else with a "huh?" question at the end to prompt a response and I still didn't respond. She got really pissy after that saying "OK I'll shut up now". So I then either had to respond or be faced with the ice cold silent treatment I got on Saturday. So I gave some acknowledgement and then on and on it went. Aaarg!

Earlier I went to the park and it was just me and N2 for a bit. There wasn't any alcohol this time, I think it was just a one time thing the other day. It's the only time I've seen it. We mostly just played with the dogs and chatted a bit. So we now know each others work from office and work from home schedules. I brought up mine first and I think she took note that I was basically telling her which day's I'm most likely there.

We haven't had any deep and meaningful conversations like what I had with L, but I do feel there's a bit of interest there. I caught her looking up to look at me while she was patting her dog, but I guess I was looking at her too in order to catch her looking at me. So there's that.

It was really cold with rain coming so very few people there today. I haven't had much chance to get the word around that I'm hoping to see L again. Maybe on the weekend I can see some more people.

NAC - Doesn't exactly seem like the sort of day that would inspire deep and meaningful convos, so I wouldn't read anything into it.

[joel68]

I really hope L comes back to the park. Or that you find out more about her.

Maybe someone there has her number. Just a thought.

Good luck!

[newaussiecuck]

Today was a work from home day. Things were mostly OK and again I was starting to feel how much easier it would be to just go along with everything and try and see if we can put the past behind us and move on.

However, "wife" was getting excruciatingly on my nerve while watching some tv tonight. Always has to give her opinion and poo poo's my opinions or cuts me off and talks over the top of me. When I do manage to get something out that's inciteful and something she hadn't thought about she hardly acknowledges it and then has to go on and try and top it.

Most times I'm left with just giving 1 word answers or grunts because there's no point responding (she's just waiting for me to acknowledge the brilliance of her points of view). At one point she said something pretty stupid and I just didn't respond at all and just kept watching the tv. She followed up with saying something else with a "huh?" question at the end to prompt a response and I still didn't respond. She got really pissy after that saying "OK I'll shut up now". So I then either had to respond or be faced with the ice cold silent treatment I got on Saturday. So I gave some acknowledgement and then on and on it went. Aaarg!

Earlier I went to the park and it was just me and N2 for a bit. There wasn't any alcohol this time, I think it was just a one time thing the other day. It's the only time I've seen it. We mostly just played with the dogs and chatted a bit. So we now know each others work from office and work from home schedules. I brought up mine first and I think she took note that I was basically telling her which day's I'm most likely there.

We haven't had any deep and meaningful conversations like what I had with L, but I do feel there's a bit of interest there. I caught her looking up to look at me while she was patting her dog, but I guess I was looking at her too in order to catch her looking at me. So there's that.

It was really cold with rain coming so very few people there today. I haven't had much chance to get the word around that I'm hoping to see L again. Maybe on the weekend I can see some more people.

NAC - Doesn't exactly seem like the sort of day that would inspire deep and meaningful convos, so I wouldn't read anything into it.

I think what I was meaning to say that I think she maybe has some interest in me, but I'm still trying to figure out what is my interest in her. We haven't had much of a deep conversation to give me much of an indication as to whether she's someone I'm interested in. Outside looks wise she's OK but I don't know much about her personality. She's probably doing the same to suss me out.

Maybe somthing to explore slowly, but I don't feel I can really do that while door is even slightly ajar with L.

[newaussiecuck]

I really hope L comes back to the park. Or that you find out more about her.

Maybe someone there has her number. Just a thought.

Good luck!

Thanks Joel, yes I really do hope so too. I wish I could go back in time and do these last few months again, especially the last 2 times I saw L. I can't though so just have to move forwards the best I can.

Nobody that I speak to regularly would have her number and I'm obviously not welcome to call her right now even if I was to get her number, as she already has mine unless she took it down wrong.

Only thing I can do is wait, and ask around enough that somehow it will get back to her. J and PG are the best bets, and also that other couple I mentioned who knew my name and L's dog's name and also knows PG. I haven't seen any of those three for several weeks now though.

Just have to wait and sort myself out in the meantime.

Onto N, she's actually in the office today so seems she swapped Wednesday for today for being in the office.

[newaussiecuck]

I'm probably reading too much into this, but there was a small interaction with N just now.

She's been in a workshop all day on my floor, and had to walk past near my desk a couple of times today. Dissapointingly she didn't stop by to say hi or anything, but was with co-workers and now that I've made my interest known it's probably up to me to make the next move. I guess I shouldn't expect her to make a scene in front of my co-workers like I did in front of hers last week.

However, I was sitting at my desk working away and one of her team mates (who I've only spoken to once or twice) came out of their workshop when it was wrapping up to invite me and my team to go into their room and help myself to a table of treats (cakes etc) that they had left over from their workshop. That's kinda pretty normal actually so nothing to read into that.

What was interesting though, is when I went into the room (I was first) N just happened to be the only girl at the table getting a slice of cake when I walked in after having been invited in. Coincidence????? Maybe. I don’t believe too strongly in coincidences though.

However, what was most interesting was there was a definite knowing look from one of her team mates to N while I was standing next to N. Like a wink and a nod kind of thing. What it means I can't be sure, but it was an unmistakable knowing look and I felt it confirmed that I was the topic of conversation at least at some point amongst some of her co-workers. Whether it indicates she has interest or just wanted to check there's no hard feelings after last week I can't be sure. With the knowing look, being invited in and N just happens to be standing at the snack table alone felt like a bit of a setup.

I couldn't take too long but I just asked N how she was, how their workshop went and asked for her recommendation on selection of food to get, which cakes and biscuits were the best. Just nice and casual.

Apart from the video call it was the first chance to speak to her since the knockback of my lunch offer last week, so kind of an icebreaker. I might stop by her desk on my way out to wish her a great weekend if she's still there.

As I said I'm probably reading too much into it, but if it was a bit of a setup then I guess it could be considered clearance to make another approach.

Edit: I left 10 minutes early but their area was cleared out, they'd likely all gone home after their workshop finished an hour or so ago.

I've replayed that knowing look over in my mind a few times already. That was kinda fun to see.

[joel68]

You need to find out if she is single and available. N, that is. I’m

But baby steps for now.

[newaussiecuck]

You need to find out if she is single and available. N, that is. I’m

But baby steps for now.

I did think of asking someone from my department today who might know. He's a younger guy, also Asian and spends a bit of time hanging around down on her floor with her department and has done so since at least I started about 8 months ago. He would likely know which girls are single. He obviously hasn't been too successful himself as he's not dating any of them lol.

However, he's a bit of a loose cannon and might blab to the wrong person or who knows maybe he fancies N himself. I don't know but it's a risk if I involve someone else like him. I want to set myself apart and not be tarred with his brush. Safest option would be to quietly ask one of the girls if I bump into one alone. However that would definitely get back to N and might seem a bit childish and highschool-like.

A couple of the books I read on attraction said that in each scenario ask what's the strongest course of action and do that. Today while at the sweets table I could have followed her away from the table and further away from the door back to where she was sitting and tried to talk to her more. However it felt like that was a bit much and putting me into a pretty weak position. It might have been what she wanted (or not) but it felt like it would be a weak, desperate move to try and talk more at that time. The stronger position was the quick friendly polite casual conversation that we had and then retreat quickly. I turned and looked back and caught her eye while leaving. That will likely keep her wondering over the weekend, rather than offering up a silver platter opportunity to deliver another rejection.

In my case I think the strongest next course of action is to enter the lion's den once more and just wish her good morning or afternoon on my way in or out. Maybe ask her if she'd like to catch up over coffee / tea or some such. Coffee / tea is a lower barrier of entry than a lunch.

She would most likely know by now that I'm interested, and she'll have had some time to consider whether she'd like to get to know me more. If she knocks that back then I'd have to drop it unless/until she makes a move and shows a clear signal at a later time. I don't want any sexual harassment claims!!

If she's single and I assume and act strongly as if she's single then that confidence would pay off.

If she's not single and I act as if she is, then she'll likely let me know and there's really not much to lose from the situation.

That's just the way I'm looking at it right now, and plays more into the suggestion I was given to play the long game with her. I felt that trying to talk to her longer today would have been rushing things and come off as desperate.

[Long Lurker 34]

You need to find out if she is single and available. N, that is. I’m

But baby steps for now.

I did think of asking someone from my department today who might know. He's a younger guy, also Asian and spends a bit of time hanging around down on her floor with her department and has done so since at least I started about 8 months ago. He would likely know which girls are single. He obviously hasn't been too successful himself as he's not dating any of them lol.

However, he's a bit of a loose cannon and might blab to the wrong person or who knows maybe he fancies N himself. I don't know but it's a risk if I involve someone else like him. I want to set myself apart and not be tarred with his brush. Safest option would be to quietly ask one of the girls if I bump into one alone. However that would definitely get back to N and might seem a bit childish and highschool-like.

A couple of the books I read on attraction said that in each scenario ask what's the strongest course of action and do that. Today while at the sweets table I could have followed her away from the table and further away from the door back to where she was sitting and tried to talk to her more. However it felt like that was a bit much and putting me into a pretty weak position. It might have been what she wanted (or not) but it felt like it would be a weak, desperate move to try and talk more at that time. The stronger position was the quick friendly polite casual conversation that we had and then retreat quickly. I turned and looked back and caught her eye while leaving. That will likely keep her wondering over the weekend, rather than offering up a silver platter opportunity to deliver another rejection.

In my case I think the strongest next course of action is to enter the lion's den once more and just wish her good morning or afternoon on my way in or out. Maybe ask her if she'd like to catch up over coffee / tea or some such. Coffee / tea is a lower barrier of entry than a lunch.

She would most likely know by now that I'm interested, and she'll have had some time to consider whether she'd like to get to know me more. If she knocks that back then I'd have to drop it unless/until she makes a move and shows a clear signal at a later time. I don't want any sexual harassment claims!!

If she's single and I assume and act strongly as if she's single then that confidence would pay off.

If she's not single and I act as if she is, then she'll likely let me know and there's really not much to lose from the situation.

That's just the way I'm looking at it right now, and plays more into the suggestion I was given to play the long game with her. I felt that trying to talk to her longer today would have been rushing things and come off as desperate.

NAC - Easy start to this. Wedding ring yeah or nay?