Figuring it out

[Long Lurker 34]

LFA, I get what your saying and i also do not as I am not privileged in your lifestyle. But as in anything in life when you enjoy something and then lose it, feelings can make you feel malaise or sad. Reverse that thought, as it was something you got to experience as a bonus or something special. It should not feel sadness but joy and happiness on something that was experienced. Much like a amusement park that had your favorite ride but now has closed. feel the joy of experiencing something that was here if even for a short time. I am sorry if that sounded so disjointed from a old man, whats the old sayin Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all?

FJ - Something I should try. Well put.

[Farmerj]

Unfortunately its something I had to live with, My marriage has been beset with illness and pain. I had to be the anchor and light to stay positive. I read so many on here of your adventures and journeys which I find amazing but yet something so simple as a kiss or a touch eludes me. So Mrs LFA please again, Dwelle not on what you have lost but relish in what you had and have. Memories are all i have left.

[GenerallySpeaking]

I wrote a post last week at one point and then deleted it. It was a bit melancholic, I guess, and I wasn't sure that I wanted it "out there" after all. The post was about "Sir" and also about Charlie and Tess. The gist of it is that I find it hard to say goodbye. The way that I play in this lifestyle requires friendship with the people that I play with. As a result, I end up genuinely caring for them. When things fizzle and fade, it seems like a loss. It isn't a deep depression or anything, but I still mourn that something has ended. Does anyone else feel this way?

I get this way too, only often in extremes. And like you, I've examined it, dissected it and pretty much looked at it from every angle. In the end, it's Kahil Gibran's quote from the book The Prophet that centers me.

"Joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you ... remember that the other is asleep upon your bed"

The deeper my sorrow, the deeper my love. The more I miss someone, the more I'm reminded what a wonderful person they were in my life.

[Lookingforadventure]

I fully get what you're feeling . Like you, I have a love for all of my guys and a very close connection with those past and present. Over the years, they have come and gone for various reasons, but have remained friends that I still care about. It is a loss when things fizzle and fade, but it's also a natural progression. So, it's right to mourn and right to remember, they're a part of us and will remain so.

Thank you friend. I appreciate that others have felt this way before as well. My mourning isn't great, but I do feel a sense of loss about something that has passed. But I also smile about all of the fun that has been had. And I do think he will continue to be a part of my life going forward (Sir at least, I'm less sure about Charlie and Tess), just in a lesser way.

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA, I get what your saying and i also do not as I am not privileged in your lifestyle. But as in anything in life when you enjoy something and then lose it, feelings can make you feel malaise or sad. Reverse that thought, as it was something you got to experience as a bonus or something special. It should not feel sadness but joy and happiness on something that was experienced. Much like a amusement park that had your favorite ride but now has closed. feel the joy of experiencing something that was here if even for a short time. I am sorry if that sounded so disjointed from a old man, whats the old sayin Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all?

Thank you friend. I do feel really blessed to have had the experiences that I've had, and to have found friends on this site who can listen to both my giddy excitement and my heart feelings when I'm a bit sad. Thank you. You are right, memories are always worth holding on to and celebrating.

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA, I get what your saying and i also do not as I am not privileged in your lifestyle. But as in anything in life when you enjoy something and then lose it, feelings can make you feel malaise or sad. Reverse that thought, as it was something you got to experience as a bonus or something special. It should not feel sadness but joy and happiness on something that was experienced. Much like a amusement park that had your favorite ride but now has closed. feel the joy of experiencing something that was here if even for a short time. I am sorry if that sounded so disjointed from a old man, whats the old sayin Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all?

The amusement park is still there how ever, that particular ride may not give the same thrill it once did, but still wont stop you from the limited times that it may become available.
New rides are in the making and usually the thrill level will match or exceed the previous ride or rides.

I'm enjoying this metaphor...and am looking forward to my next ride

[Lookingforadventure]

Unfortunately its something I had to live with, My marriage has been beset with illness and pain. I had to be the anchor and light to stay positive. I read so many on here of your adventures and journeys which I find amazing but yet something so simple as a kiss or a touch eludes me. So Mrs LFA please again, Dwelle not on what you have lost but relish in what you had and have. Memories are all i have left.

Virtual hugs to you, friend.

[Lookingforadventure]

I wrote a post last week at one point and then deleted it. It was a bit melancholic, I guess, and I wasn't sure that I wanted it "out there" after all. The post was about "Sir" and also about Charlie and Tess. The gist of it is that I find it hard to say goodbye. The way that I play in this lifestyle requires friendship with the people that I play with. As a result, I end up genuinely caring for them. When things fizzle and fade, it seems like a loss. It isn't a deep depression or anything, but I still mourn that something has ended. Does anyone else feel this way?

I get this way too, only often in extremes. And like you, I've examined it, dissected it and pretty much looked at it from every angle. In the end, it's Kahil Gibran's quote from the book The Prophet that centers me.

"Joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you ... remember that the other is asleep upon your bed"

The deeper my sorrow, the deeper my love. The more I miss someone, the more I'm reminded what a wonderful person they were in my life.

It is funny because I deleted that original post, worried that people would misconstrue what I was trying to say and that I'd feel worse about it. And now this very short post has resulted in so many kind and thoughtful responses. I truly value this community.

Also, I love a great literary quote. You've just made my day. Thank you

[Lookingforadventure]

In other news, I kissed my boyfriend yesterday.

It had been exactly one week since we had a hotel date and I was craving seeing him. Neither of us had much time in our schedules, but he did say that he could make it work to be near my office around 10:15 if I wanted to get together for a quick hello. I certainly did!

There is a community recreation center near my office. It has a large parking lot and we have met there before. I pulled in a bit before 10:15 and he was already there. I parked right next to him. We both got out and he pulled me in for a very sensual and sexy kiss.

The only problem was that as I was pulling into the driveway, a truck with a city-run landscaping crew was also pulling in. They parked 20 feet away and college-aged students began unloading the lawn mowers, leaf blowers, weed whackers, etc that would keep them employed for the next hour or so. I am sure they were grossed out by the old people kissing in the parking lot! (Or maybe they were turned on by it! lol)

I didn't mind them seeing us kiss, but I did feel that they would notice if I got into G's car to give him a blow job. I thought that was probably a bad idea, all things considered...but I was very tempted.

In the end, we had to settle for some kissing and pg-rated groping. It left me aroused and eager for more. I texted Adventurer to let him know, and he said he'd be very willing to help me out when I got home

[venus-can99]

In other news, I kissed my boyfriend yesterday.

It had been exactly one week since we had a hotel date and I was craving seeing him. Neither of us had much time in our schedules, but he did say that he could make it work to be near my office around 10:15 if I wanted to get together for a quick hello. I certainly did!

There is a community recreation center near my office. It has a large parking lot and we have met there before. I pulled in a bit before 10:15 and he was already there. I parked right next to him. We both got out and he pulled me in for a very sensual and sexy kiss.

The only problem was that as I was pulling into the driveway, a truck with a city-run landscaping crew was also pulling in. They parked 20 feet away and college-aged students began unloading the lawn mowers, leaf blowers, weed whackers, etc that would keep them employed for the next hour or so. I am sure they were grossed out by the old people kissing in the parking lot! (Or maybe they were turned on by it! lol)

I didn't mind them seeing us kiss, but I did feel that they would notice if I got into G's car to give him a blow job. I thought that was probably a bad idea, all things considered...but I was very tempted.

In the end, we had to settle for some kissing and pg-rated groping. It left me aroused and eager for more. I texted Adventurer to let him know, and he said he'd be very willing to help me out when I got home

That’s great to hear that both of you could make some time to meet. As far as “old people kissing ” if your pics from A are any indication then I think the kids were probably disappointed that it just stopped with a

[afagehi7]

In other news, I kissed my boyfriend yesterday.

It had been exactly one week since we had a hotel date and I was craving seeing him. Neither of us had much time in our schedules, but he did say that he could make it work to be near my office around 10:15 if I wanted to get together for a quick hello. I certainly did!

There is a community recreation center near my office. It has a large parking lot and we have met there before. I pulled in a bit before 10:15 and he was already there. I parked right next to him. We both got out and he pulled me in for a very sensual and sexy kiss.

The only problem was that as I was pulling into the driveway, a truck with a city-run landscaping crew was also pulling in. They parked 20 feet away and college-aged students began unloading the lawn mowers, leaf blowers, weed whackers, etc that would keep them employed for the next hour or so. I am sure they were grossed out by the old people kissing in the parking lot! (Or maybe they were turned on by it! lol)

I didn't mind them seeing us kiss, but I did feel that they would notice if I got into G's car to give him a blow job. I thought that was probably a bad idea, all things considered...but I was very tempted.

In the end, we had to settle for some kissing and pg-rated groping. It left me aroused and eager for more. I texted Adventurer to let him know, and he said he'd be very willing to help me out when I got home

I love that you love giving car BJs. That is soooo hot!

[Lookingforadventure]

That’s great to hear that both of you could make some time to meet. As far as “old people kissing ” if your pics from A are any indication then I think the kids were probably disappointed that it just stopped with a

I like to think that there was a little elbow jab and a whispered, "check that out." Followed by some thoughts of, "I want that kind of passion one day." Who knows, maybe we will even be a lasting memory for those impressionable young minds

[Lookingforadventure]

I love that you love giving car BJs. That is soooo hot!

Thank you. I really do. And it isn't limited to the car either. I really enjoy giving oral sex. There is something very sensual about it, but also very powerful. I like being in control and knowing that I'm the director of someone else's sexual pleasure.

I also have MANY fantasies that involve blow jobs. Once I gave Adventurer a blow job while driving (not very safe. Don't try it at home, folks. But in fairness, it was late at night, the road was straight and not very busy....but still, you shouldn't do it). I like giving blow jobs while Adventurer watches a football game or other sporting event that he only sort of cares about. I like to see if I can distract him from the action And I love waking up my men by sliding under the sheets to take them in my mouth.

I would enjoy an under-the-desk blow job scenario one day (when we are sure we won't get caught). I would like to give a blow job in the back of a movie theater. So, so many ideas in my mind

[Long Lurker 34]

I love that you love giving car BJs. That is soooo hot!

Thank you. I really do. And it isn't limited to the car either. I really enjoy giving oral sex. There is something very sensual about it, but also very powerful. I like being in control and knowing that I'm the director of someone else's sexual pleasure.

I also have MANY fantasies that involve blow jobs. Once I gave Adventurer a blow job while driving (not very safe. Don't try it at home, folks. But in fairness, it was late at night, the road was straight and not very busy....but still, you shouldn't do it). I like giving blow jobs while Adventurer watches a football game or other sporting event that he only sort of cares about. I like to see if I can distract him from the action And I love waking up my men by sliding under the sheets to take them in my mouth.

I would enjoy an under-the-desk blow job scenario one day (when we are sure we won't get caught). I would like to give a blow job in the back of a movie theater. So, so many ideas in my mind

LFA - LMAO My imagination just explodes with this.
If you are going to attempt this you really need to be aware of potential audience movement during the showing. Most movie theater layouts have exits to the bathrooms/lobbys at the rear. So if you are at the back gobbling a knob, in my estimation you would have a greater chance of being seen.
I think, with a sparsely attended show, 2nd or 3rd row from the front, in the centre and when you choose your seat make a point to slouch down in it, so it's less obvious when you "Go for Gobble".
Hope you manage to pull this off...you know what I mean.

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA - LMAO My imagination just explodes with this.
If you are going to attempt this you really need to be aware of potential audience movement during the showing. Most movie theater layouts have exits to the bathrooms/lobbys at the rear. So if you are at the back gobbling a knob, in my estimation you would have a greater chance of being seen.
I think, with a sparsely attended show, 2nd or 3rd row from the front, in the centre and when you choose your seat make a point to slouch down in it, so it's less obvious when you "Go for Gobble".
Hope you manage to pull this off...you know what I mean.

Should this fantasy ever become reality, I'll be sure to report back.

[Lookingforadventure]

"Sir" had his birthday. We haven't been in frequent contact lately, but he did reach out last week and was surprised when I mentioned that his birthday was coming up.

He's not a big believer in birthday's. To him, it is just another day. I, however, love birthdays and try to take note of when they happen. It is one of those things my brain remembers.

So I asked him if he had any plans. He did not. Then I asked if he used his birthday as the starting date for a new year, and spent any time reflecting on goals or resolutions for what he wanted to accomplish. He chuckled and said, "nope, just another day."

After chastising him for the heresy of saying that birthdays aren't important, I agreed to text him on his birthday with my goals list for his year. Perhaps it is a bit narcissistic to force myself into someone else's plans, but what I really wanted to do was make sure that he had a few moments throughout his birthday where he was distracted from his work, and smiling about something devilish that he could do with a willing woman. I think it worked.

I sent him a text first thing in the morning, wishing him a happy birthday and letting him know that his list would be forthcoming throughout the day. Then I tried to remember to text whenever I had an appropriate break from my own work. Here is the list (with some extra details for the OWH crowd)

#1 Find a date in the next 365 days where Sir, Adventurer and I can get together. (This has proven difficult for us, so I think it might take time. I did mention to him that the longer it takes to find this date, the more time I have to practice and get ready for goals 2-10)

#2 Book a very cool BDSM space for at least 4 hours on said date. (I will need time for all the deviant activities we can get up to)

#3 In advance of said date, I need to practice my deep throat skills. My goal is to be able to hold a cock fully in my throat, without gagging, for as long as he or Adventurer want it to be there. (Note that this does lead to a lot of drool. I get a little bit embarrassed about it, but both men seem to enjoy making me a drooly mess)

#4 Experiment with rope. (Truthfully, this one might not happen at that BDSM play date. I think it might be more of a thing that Adventurer and I try together, because rope takes time and patience to do well. Sir might have interest, I don't know. But there is awkwardness in the whole set up time). What I texted to him said "I like how rope feels on my skin, and I'd like to try some different bound positions to see how it feels. Plus, I'd also like to experiment with tying my breasts quite tightly." I kind of like that look of breasts wrapped in rope and squeezed into shapely mounds. I don't like when they turn purple or anything, but before that point it is kind of hot.

#5 More suspension play. (We started trying this out at my last play date with sir and I quite enjoyed it. I'd like to try some new positions and see what I like). I added, "I'd like to suck your cock while I'm upside down again. I'd also like to be man-handled while a spreader bar holds my feet apart, and my hands are tied above my head. Actually, there are many suspension things I'd like to try."

#6 Anal play. (Quick aside, Adventurer and I have been going to the gym a lot lately as part of a new health kick. I will also note that Sir has a thing for anal play. He likes me to wear butt plugs, he enjoys sliding dildos into my butt or having me hold my cheeks open so he can admire it. I was kind of feeding into his existing kinks and teasing him a bit). I wrote "My goal is to do lots of squats and lunges so that when #1 happens, Sir is tempted by my butt. Ideally for much insertion play."

#7 said "I am intrigued by suction play and would like to explore that more. Clit suction. Breast suction. Nipple suction"

#8 simply said "Fisting success". (LOL. I am intrigued by fisting but have been unable to do it. Sir's hands aren't huge and we've tried this a couple of times. He gets close, but I tap out before it goes all the way in. I'd like to try again. )

#9 I was running out of ideas, but needed to come up with two more. What I decided on was this, "Maybe labia clamps or something that could be used to stretch and spread me open....although I reserve the right to tap out if it is too much."

And #10 was simply a photo of an e-stim toy that could be inserted into a butt. It then opens (kind of like a tulip) and vibrates as well as provides the electro stimulation.

These were sent throughout the day and most were met with a "Wooooohoooo" or a "Yeeeeeeeeeeeesssss" or "Definitely. 100%. Absolutely. Let's do it".

I don't know that any of this will actually happen, but I do know that he quite enjoyed the birthday distractions. In the end, his colleagues took him out for lunch and his friends took him out for dinner. He texted me before bed to say that it had been a good day, and that he looked forward to carrying out the list...and more!

[trecital]

I think that was a birthday he will remember, for a long time. Hope you all achieve your 10.

[Lookingforadventure]

I think that was a birthday he will remember, for a long time. Hope you all achieve your 10.

Last year I simply sent him a picture of me naked with "Happy Birthday Sir" written on my body with marker I'm not sure which he liked better.

[Long Lurker 34]

"Sir" had his birthday. We haven't been in frequent contact lately, but he did reach out last week and was surprised when I mentioned that his birthday was coming up.

He's not a big believer in birthday's. To him, it is just another day. I, however, love birthdays and try to take note of when they happen. It is one of those things my brain remembers.

So I asked him if he had any plans. He did not. Then I asked if he used his birthday as the starting date for a new year, and spent any time reflecting on goals or resolutions for what he wanted to accomplish. He chuckled and said, "nope, just another day."

After chastising him for the heresy of saying that birthdays aren't important, I agreed to text him on his birthday with my goals list for his year. Perhaps it is a bit narcissistic to force myself into someone else's plans, but what I really wanted to do was make sure that he had a few moments throughout his birthday where he was distracted from his work, and smiling about something devilish that he could do with a willing woman. I think it worked.

I sent him a text first thing in the morning, wishing him a happy birthday and letting him know that his list would be forthcoming throughout the day. Then I tried to remember to text whenever I had an appropriate break from my own work. Here is the list (with some extra details for the OWH crowd)

#1 Find a date in the next 365 days where Sir, Adventurer and I can get together. (This has proven difficult for us, so I think it might take time. I did mention to him that the longer it takes to find this date, the more time I have to practice and get ready for goals 2-10)

#2 Book a very cool BDSM space for at least 4 hours on said date. (I will need time for all the deviant activities we can get up to)

#3 In advance of said date, I need to practice my deep throat skills. My goal is to be able to hold a cock fully in my throat, without gagging, for as long as he or Adventurer want it to be there. (Note that this does lead to a lot of drool. I get a little bit embarrassed about it, but both men seem to enjoy making me a drooly mess)

#4 Experiment with rope. (Truthfully, this one might not happen at that BDSM play date. I think it might be more of a thing that Adventurer and I try together, because rope takes time and patience to do well. Sir might have interest, I don't know. But there is awkwardness in the whole set up time). What I texted to him said "I like how rope feels on my skin, and I'd like to try some different bound positions to see how it feels. Plus, I'd also like to experiment with tying my breasts quite tightly." I kind of like that look of breasts wrapped in rope and squeezed into shapely mounds. I don't like when they turn purple or anything, but before that point it is kind of hot.

#5 More suspension play. (We started trying this out at my last play date with sir and I quite enjoyed it. I'd like to try some new positions and see what I like). I added, "I'd like to suck your cock while I'm upside down again. I'd also like to be man-handled while a spreader bar holds my feet apart, and my hands are tied above my head. Actually, there are many suspension things I'd like to try."

#6 Anal play. (Quick aside, Adventurer and I have been going to the gym a lot lately as part of a new health kick. I will also note that Sir has a thing for anal play. He likes me to wear butt plugs, he enjoys sliding dildos into my butt or having me hold my cheeks open so he can admire it. I was kind of feeding into his existing kinks and teasing him a bit). I wrote "My goal is to do lots of squats and lunges so that when #1 happens, Sir is tempted by my butt. Ideally for much insertion play."

#7 said "I am intrigued by suction play and would like to explore that more. Clit suction. Breast suction. Nipple suction"

#8 simply said "Fisting success". (LOL. I am intrigued by fisting but have been unable to do it. Sir's hands aren't huge and we've tried this a couple of times. He gets close, but I tap out before it goes all the way in. I'd like to try again. )

#9 I was running out of ideas, but needed to come up with two more. What I decided on was this, "Maybe labia clamps or something that could be used to stretch and spread me open....although I reserve the right to tap out if it is too much."

And #10 was simply a photo of an e-stim toy that could be inserted into a butt. It then opens (kind of like a tulip) and vibrates as well as provides the electro stimulation.

These were sent throughout the day and most were met with a "Wooooohoooo" or a "Yeeeeeeeeeeeesssss" or "Definitely. 100%. Absolutely. Let's do it".

I don't know that any of this will actually happen, but I do know that he quite enjoyed the birthday distractions. In the end, his colleagues took him out for lunch and his friends took him out for dinner. He texted me before bed to say that it had been a good day, and that he looked forward to carrying out the list...and more!

LFA - You just continue to blow my mind with the shear variety of things you do or have a desire to try.

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA - You just continue to blow my mind with the shear variety of things you do or have a desire to try.

Well, I do like to be impressive! Lol.

Truthfully, a lot of it is curiosity. I think that's why I appreciate sir so much, because he has a fair bit of experience in these area but he's not at all pushy. It allows me to try things, or express interests in a way that has a lot of escape routes if I decide I don't like it.

I can also be a bit complicated. Sometimes I'll dislike something and end it quickly, but then want to revisit it again at a later date. I might even top from the bottom with a, "what about if we try this? Or stop when we get to this?" He is always happy to follow my lead.

I thinks that's why I say that I'm actually a very poor sub...but he doesn't seem to mind.

[Long Lurker 34]

LFA - You just continue to blow my mind with the shear variety of things you do or have a desire to try.

Well, I do like to be impressive! Lol.

Truthfully, a lot of it is curiosity. I think that's why I appreciate sir so much, because he has a fair bit of experience in these area but he's not at all pushy. It allows me to try things, or express interests in a way that has a lot of escape routes if I decide I don't like it.

I can also be a bit complicated. Sometimes I'll dislike something and end it quickly, but then want to revisit it again at a later date. I might even top from the bottom with a, "what about if we try this? Or stop when we get to this?" He is always happy to follow my lead.

I thinks that's why I say that I'm actually a very poor sub...but he doesn't seem to mind.

LFA - That's not being complicated, that's being human. Sometimes one just has to wrap their head around what is going on or allow ones body to adjust to a sensation that is quite different than what one is accustomed to.
And topping from the bottom, I would think unless both are totally hardcore, is how both are able to enjoy what's going on more fully.

LFA - Like Frickin' Awesome!! - Have a great weekend.

[venus-can99]

Hope you get 10 out of 10 on your list for Sir’s birthday.
On a slightly different note- you talk about your dog(s) in your narratives. May I ask what kind are they? We currently have one that from the Humane society- possibly some Rhodesian Ridgeback mix. Before that we had a pure bred Samoyed (very empathetic and expressive) and a Lab Border Collie cross.

Venus

[Farmerj]

I was speed reading this and i saw LFA, and drool and suction so you can imagine where my mind went!

[regular3]

Awesome wish list. Could you please clarify the fisting wish? Are you suggesting vaginal or anal?

[Lookingforadventure]

LFA - That's not being complicated, that's being human. Sometimes one just has to wrap their head around what is going on or allow ones body to adjust to a sensation that is quite different than what one is accustomed to.
And topping from the bottom, I would think unless both are totally hardcore, is how both are able to enjoy what's going on more fully.

LFA - Like Frickin' Awesome!! - Have a great weekend.

Thank you. Have a great weekend too!