Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[FNQLivin]

I feel so sorry for you both. I have no advice, other than to mention that love can be so much more than sex and you seem to have made them inseparable.

[drstrangelove]

I feel so sorry for you both. I have no advice, other than to mention that love can be so much more than sex and you seem to have made them inseparable.

I’m not sure that’s true, but I’m open to understanding the perspective. It is certainly true that I only discuss my sex life in this thread.

I spent yesterday cooking for my wife, as she requested a specific brunch and dinner. We hang out, laugh, spend time with our kids. We are taking a family trip to Disney later this week.

Still, I suspect I do put a relatively large weight on sex as it’s often a big part of my thoughts. I’m not sure that I equate sex to love though—I suppose physical touch is just a part of love and touch often leads to sex. Perhaps my understanding of what it is or how it should be is abnormal.

It’s all stuff I’ve attempted to work through in therapy this last year, though I don’t seem to have been very successful.

Edit: Interestingly, I wonder if post-affair if I genuinely don’t feel she loves me. I’ve certainly questioned it plenty—so much of her behavior, which is often led with anger, has made me wonder if she loves me at all.

[FNQLivin]

As I said, I feel for you both. From what you’ve written, it looks like she’s tried so hard (as have you) but there is a wall now that you both need to knock down. And it might be that you’re not the best lover in the World, but that doesn’t mean that either of you should look elsewhere or that ENM is the answer either.

To be brutally honest, from page 1 of this thread it looked like you were pushing her away (sexually at least) and when she sought that sexual connection with someone else, because it wasn’t done with you, you’ve been massively hurt and feel betrayed, but from her side (from what you have told us) it looks like she was looking for and seeking sexual intimacy with someone and fell in love (as most people would). You manipulated your sex life to basically cause her to look elsewhere and she did. I know that is not the whole story, but from over here, that’s how it reads.

As I said, I feel so sad for both of you.

[drstrangelove]

As I said, I feel for you both. From what you’ve written, it looks like she’s tried so hard (as have you) but there is a wall now that you both need to knock down. And it might be that you’re not the best lover in the World, but that doesn’t mean that either of you should look elsewhere or that ENM is the answer either.

To be brutally honest, from page 1 of this thread it looked like you were pushing her away (sexually at least) and when she sought that sexual connection with someone else, because it wasn’t done with you, you’ve been massively hurt and feel betrayed, but from her side (from what you have told us) it looks like she was looking for and seeking sexual intimacy with someone and fell in love (as most people would). You manipulated your sex life to basically cause her to look elsewhere and she did. I know that is not the whole story, but from over here, that’s how it reads.

As I said, I feel so sad for both of you.

I was absolutely playing with fire, though even at the time I recall trying to make the situation work for me—we were already several years into the marriage when I started this thread. She built up a lot of stress in her life—work, her family, my family, etc.—and she began leveraging sex over me. The best way I can frame it is that sex became a gift for me, not a fun thing to do together.

And then for sure, I ran with that to make my sex life more exciting for me. And she often enjoyed it more as well.

I’m not sure any of that matters now—we clearly both made mistakes.

[shadowtantra]

I can understand your feelings as I have felt a sense of inadequacy, anger and resentment after my wife's affair with her boss. The best thing that we did was see a sex positive therapist both individually and together to help us. It took us time and there are no silver bullets. We are still working on it - it being connection and intimacy, honesty and transparency and curiosity. But we are in a much better place than we were 2 years after the affair. I hope that you can find your way

[Amayzed]

Still, I suspect I do put a relatively large weight on sex as it’s often a big part of my thoughts. I’m not sure that I equate sex to love though—I suppose physical touch is just a part of love and touch often leads to sex. Perhaps my understanding of what it is or how it should be is abnormal.

Sex can be 90% of a marriage when it isn't working and 10% when it is working. I find myself focusing enormously on the sexual connection with my wife when it isn't clicking.

I believe true sexual energy goes somewhat dormant in many long-term relationships. Couples may regard that as a normal and satisfactory state of affairs, but something is missing nonetheless. People like you and I find themselves looking to rekindle it in any form it may take.

I want to experience whatever is genuine - authentic as you said - in my wife's sexual energy, even if it is about how other guys turn her on. When we can be real with each other then that is our closeness.

[SixInchDick]

Still, I suspect I do put a relatively large weight on sex as it’s often a big part of my thoughts. I’m not sure that I equate sex to love though—I suppose physical touch is just a part of love and touch often leads to sex. Perhaps my understanding of what it is or how it should be is abnormal.

Sex can be 90% of a marriage when it isn't working and 10% when it is working. I find myself focusing enormously on the sexual connection with my wife when it isn't clicking.

I believe true sexual energy goes somewhat dormant in many long-term relationships. Couples may regard that as a normal and satisfactory state of affairs, but something is missing nonetheless. People like you and I find themselves looking to rekindle it in any form it may take.

I want to experience whatever is genuine - authentic as you said - in my wife's sexual energy, even if it is about how other guys turn her on. When we can be real with each other then that is our closeness.

Yeah I can relate to this. Before we had kids, my wife and I had a lot of sexual energy. We fooled around on average 5-6 days a week. It was like a dream come true for me. After having our first child, my wife's sexual energy died. I don't mean she was only "in the mood" half as much as she used to. I mean it DIED. Poof, no more libido. That has put an enormous strain on our relationship and it is still a problem 15 years later.

Whatever sexual energy your wives still have, even if it's for other men, cling on to that for dear life. You're lucky to have it. I'd take that over nothing. I've tried to steer my wife towards a hotwife lifestyle to try to spark something, but she won't do it. On a sexual level, she's like a child now, or perhaps an elderly woman.

[SixInchDick]

Still, I suspect I do put a relatively large weight on sex as it’s often a big part of my thoughts. I’m not sure that I equate sex to love though—I suppose physical touch is just a part of love and touch often leads to sex. Perhaps my understanding of what it is or how it should be is abnormal.

Sex can be 90% of a marriage when it isn't working and 10% when it is working. I find myself focusing enormously on the sexual connection with my wife when it isn't clicking.

I believe true sexual energy goes somewhat dormant in many long-term relationships. Couples may regard that as a normal and satisfactory state of affairs, but something is missing nonetheless. People like you and I find themselves looking to rekindle it in any form it may take.

I want to experience whatever is genuine - authentic as you said - in my wife's sexual energy, even if it is about how other guys turn her on. When we can be real with each other then that is our closeness.

Yeah I can relate to this. Before we had kids, my wife and I had a lot of sexual energy. We fooled around on average 5-6 days a week. It was like a dream come true for me. After having our first child, my wife's sexual energy died. I don't mean she was only "in the mood" half as much as she used to. I mean it DIED. Poof, no more libido. That has put an enormous strain on our relationship and it is still a problem 15 years later.

Whatever sexual energy your wives still have, even if it's for other men, cling on to that for dear life. You're lucky to have it. I'd take that over nothing. I've tried to steer my wife towards a hotwife lifestyle to try to spark something, but she won't do it. On a sexual level, she's like a child now, or perhaps an elderly woman. What I mean is it's not on her mind or a priority. It doesn't exist in her head.

[Mattmattiass]

I don’t mean to pry, but if the libido dropped that hard, you might want to check with an endocrinologist. Taking estrogen or progesterone (even just a birth control bill) can really help this. Helped us.

[drstrangelove]

Still, I suspect I do put a relatively large weight on sex as it’s often a big part of my thoughts. I’m not sure that I equate sex to love though—I suppose physical touch is just a part of love and touch often leads to sex. Perhaps my understanding of what it is or how it should be is abnormal.

Sex can be 90% of a marriage when it isn't working and 10% when it is working. I find myself focusing enormously on the sexual connection with my wife when it isn't clicking.

I believe true sexual energy goes somewhat dormant in many long-term relationships. Couples may regard that as a normal and satisfactory state of affairs, but something is missing nonetheless. People like you and I find themselves looking to rekindle it in any form it may take.

I want to experience whatever is genuine - authentic as you said - in my wife's sexual energy, even if it is about how other guys turn her on. When we can be real with each other then that is our closeness.

Yeah I can relate to this. Before we had kids, my wife and I had a lot of sexual energy. We fooled around on average 5-6 days a week. It was like a dream come true for me. After having our first child, my wife's sexual energy died. I don't mean she was only "in the mood" half as much as she used to. I mean it DIED. Poof, no more libido. That has put an enormous strain on our relationship and it is still a problem 15 years later.

Whatever sexual energy your wives still have, even if it's for other men, cling on to that for dear life. You're lucky to have it. I'd take that over nothing. I've tried to steer my wife towards a hotwife lifestyle to try to spark something, but she won't do it. On a sexual level, she's like a child now, or perhaps an elderly woman.

I’m very sorry to hear about your wife. Libidos are a tricky thing.

I wish I could just feel grateful for what I have, but post-affair it’s felt bad more than it’s felt good. I’m at a point where I’d prefer to masterbate than navigate the sexual waters with her. And the worst part is I know I’m going to look back with regret at all this wasted time where we could have been having so much sexual fun.

[drstrangelove]

It’s been awhile since my last update, so I want to check in. Things have been going fairly well with my wife. Sex life has been frequent and fun and we work in Cuckold Sexting a couple of times a month now.

So I was thinking: she has a few business trips coming up—and the first one is California next week. I was planning to offer her a very light-hearted game that could dip her toes in the water without putting much pressure on. Something like this, but open to feedback and tweaks. Keep in mind, it needs to be small stuff:

5: Leave your wedding ring at home.
5: Go out to dinner with no panties while wearing a dress/skirt
- Bonus 5: Send me a proof pic.
10: Flirt with a man.
- Bonus 5: If he asks your situation, tell him you have an open relationship.
- Bonus 10: Exchange numbers.

Rewards:
10: Flowers
20: Dinner
30: Beach Vacation

Let me know if there are things I should change or maybe add on. This is all off the top of my head.

[whosbeensleeping]

I think those are some hot ideas. Can't wait to hear if she takes you up on any of it.

[KevDi69]

I like your point system. How many has she accumulated?

[drstrangelove]

I like your point system. How many has she accumulated?

Unfortunately we hit a bit of a rough patch and the game didn’t materialize last month, but it’s something I plan to keep in mind. Things are going much better now, but I’m trying to stay patient and not push anything. Hopefully I’ll have more updates again soon though.

[TinyTim]

I have reservations about the point system. It’s too tit for tat and reminds me of giving doggie treats to Spot for coming when called. Maybe she likes to turn you on with the fantasy talk or texts but the live stuff is not her thing, considering your history? Maybe she’s not really into the fantasy talk either, but she wants to please you? My wife is like that. I could be off, every couple is unique.

[emily_sissy_gurl]

We have now progressed to the point where she see's me wearing thongs. She still laughs at the pink ones but understands how more supportive they are for me when caged. I have now had her spank me with a wooden spoon. She's never done that before. During the 1st session, she started to paddle my ass really hard which caused me to flinch and moan. I asked why she chose to hit harder. She wanted to get a response from me. The second time she paddled me, she was even more firm in her delivery to the point where I would flinch. She started to rub the spoon all over my body not allowing me to figure out when she would strike next. I leaked so much precum into my pink thong that night. She absolutely loved it.

[drstrangelove]

So it’s been a long time. I had decided to stop posting because my posts felt a bit thin—lots of ups and downs, but the problems in our relationship weren’t fun and were overshadowing anything good.

We have had a great few months—since July things have been *really* good. Sex life is also great, so really no complaints. She’s even willing to routinely sext about fantasy cuck stuff.

Well, over the weekend, my kids had a school Halloween event and she took both of them—her AP (F) was there. They didn’t talk, but they were in proximity.

Today, he texted her. She was transparent and we discussed—she engaged. He wouldn’t tell her what he wanted, and insisted on talking over the phone or meeting.

Now there’s a lot of uncertainly—as I posted, back in April, he initiated a friend request on Facebook and she texted him. He then expressed anger and blamed her for ruining his life.

Now, six months later, no idea what he wants. But we had a long talk—the idea of him wanting to hook up with her again was in the back of both of our minds.

On her side, she wants to fulfill my Cuckold fantasy, but also enjoys the attention/validation it would give her. She wants that and would be willing to potentially go through with it.

We talked more. My analytical brain was trying to think of every angle.

We’ll see how it goes on Wed, but I can’t imagine what else he’d want from her other than hooking up, especially that he won’t discuss over text and just him after seeing he I’ve weekend (and she looked hot).

I recognize I’m playing with fire, but I’m open to seeing where this leads. No matter what, I’ll be back with another update this week…

[FNQLivin]

Please be careful. Jezza has a thread that just got real sad. I’d hate that for anyone, but you seem a decent person.

[drstrangelove]

Please be careful. Jezza has a thread that just got real sad. I’d hate that for anyone, but you seem a decent person.

I appreciate that—I do have concerns considering how things went six months ago and also considering he’s now divorced. So there’s a lot of variables and risk here. My wife is incredibly cautious though, so if there’s any question of her safety, we’ll pull the plug.

[Guhunkadorn]

THAT is a 'meat and potatoes' update if I ever read one.

Thankfully you two have been communicating effectively for a few years and I can't help but think your marital bond is stronger now than it has ever been.

Thank you good luck, and look forward to your next update.

[safira]

Drstrangelove (I love your name), please pardon my interruption of your thread.

Armyguy, this post belongs but mine does not?
Your transphobia is highlighted.

[Rogueuser1]

I am glad you trust your wife enough to let this go forward. Hopefully he is kind and doesn't just scream at her or blame her like last time.

[jratt85]

So it’s been a long time. I had decided to stop posting because my posts felt a bit thin—lots of ups and downs, but the problems in our relationship weren’t fun and were overshadowing anything good.

We have had a great few months—since July things have been *really* good. Sex life is also great, so really no complaints. She’s even willing to routinely sext about fantasy cuck stuff.

Well, over the weekend, my kids had a school Halloween event and she took both of them—her AP (F) was there. They didn’t talk, but they were in proximity.

Today, he texted her. She was transparent and we discussed—she engaged. He wouldn’t tell her what he wanted, and insisted on talking over the phone or meeting.

Now there’s a lot of uncertainly—as I posted, back in April, he initiated a friend request on Facebook and she texted him. He then expressed anger and blamed her for ruining his life.

Now, six months later, no idea what he wants. But we had a long talk—the idea of him wanting to hook up with her again was in the back of both of our minds.

On her side, she wants to fulfill my Cuckold fantasy, but also enjoys the attention/validation it would give her. She wants that and would be willing to potentially go through with it.

We talked more. My analytical brain was trying to think of every angle.

We’ll see how it goes on Wed, but I can’t imagine what else he’d want from her other than hooking up, especially that he won’t discuss over text and just him after seeing he I’ve weekend (and she looked hot).

I recognize I’m playing with fire, but I’m open to seeing where this leads. No matter what, I’ll be back with another update this week…

Seriously, don't ever do anything with that guy again.. He's obviously not stable and I would not risk your wife's safety with him.. If she wants to hook up with someone, go out to a bar or club with her and have her wear something hot and watch as guys want to dance with her and let her know you're up for anything that happens or doesn't. Don't let that guy be the only one she is willing to fuck around with. He's not worth it and she should be able to find someone else that gives her a spark and isn't connected to so much negativity.

[drstrangelove]

So it’s been a long time. I had decided to stop posting because my posts felt a bit thin—lots of ups and downs, but the problems in our relationship weren’t fun and were overshadowing anything good.

We have had a great few months—since July things have been *really* good. Sex life is also great, so really no complaints. She’s even willing to routinely sext about fantasy cuck stuff.

Well, over the weekend, my kids had a school Halloween event and she took both of them—her AP (F) was there. They didn’t talk, but they were in proximity.

Today, he texted her. She was transparent and we discussed—she engaged. He wouldn’t tell her what he wanted, and insisted on talking over the phone or meeting.

Now there’s a lot of uncertainly—as I posted, back in April, he initiated a friend request on Facebook and she texted him. He then expressed anger and blamed her for ruining his life.

Now, six months later, no idea what he wants. But we had a long talk—the idea of him wanting to hook up with her again was in the back of both of our minds.

On her side, she wants to fulfill my Cuckold fantasy, but also enjoys the attention/validation it would give her. She wants that and would be willing to potentially go through with it.

We talked more. My analytical brain was trying to think of every angle.

We’ll see how it goes on Wed, but I can’t imagine what else he’d want from her other than hooking up, especially that he won’t discuss over text and just him after seeing he I’ve weekend (and she looked hot).

I recognize I’m playing with fire, but I’m open to seeing where this leads. No matter what, I’ll be back with another update this week…

Seriously, don't ever do anything with that guy again.. He's obviously not stable and I would not risk your wife's safety with him.. If she wants to hook up with someone, go out to a bar or club with her and have her wear something hot and watch as guys want to dance with her and let her know you're up for anything that happens or doesn't. Don't let that guy be the only one she is willing to fuck around with. He's not worth it and she should be able to find someone else that gives her a spark and isn't connected to so much negativity.

So in many ways I agree with you. And sure enough, Wednesday came and went and he never called. So he’s still playing games and who knows what is going on in his head.

The problem has been she’s been very closed off to opening that door for anyone else—with him, she feels like it’s comfortable territory and knows it could purely be sex and she’d have fun.

So it leaves me in a weird spot. I agree this guy is an asshole, but I also recognize that’s her type—she’s always been into assholes, excluding me lol. So if she were to ever decide to move forward with another guy, she’d probably find a new asshole anyway.

Bottom line, nothing happened yet and I’m keeping my expectations tempered. I should have waited until after he called to update this—it looks like I may just be spinning my wheels again.

[FNQLivin]

No, Thankyou for your updates.