How do you let a man know it is ok to date and have sex with your wife?

[Wesley Hudson Valley]

For those married couples experienced in the Hotwife Lifestyle, there are numerous ways your wife can meet a potential “new boyfriend, FWB, stud, bull, whatever terminology you like to use”. Typically, for my wife Kelly and I she is the one who chooses the man she wants to flirt with, and eventually have sex with. The “dating game” as she playfully calls it.

We have found it works better for us if I eventually meet her new man friend so I can get to know him and openly and in an upfront manner explain we are in the Hotwife Lifestyle and this is part of our relationship.

For the other man, it tends to be a huge sense of relief and he is not doing anything wrong or behind a husband’s back or worse yet some form of cheating.

I have been hugged, thanked, numerous handshakes when I disclosed I am perfectly ok if he dates and has sex with my wife in a respectful manner.

More men nowadays prefer to date married females over single females who tend to be too clingy, immature at times, just too much to deal with.

Your experiences and thoughts?

PS. If I think the man is a good match for my wife, I will give him a few pointers such as sending her cards or flowers goes a long ways with her, and she will show you that appreciation in and out of the bedroom

[ProfBaw]

Truth be told, we've found the guys to be clingy. The younger they are, the more they allow their emotions to take over in our experience. We had one that signed up to all of our pre-conditions, only to act differently once things played out. No idea what the deal is with these people. They want a married woman, with next to no risks attached to them, then get all clingy and expect them to be a one guy woman. Forgetting that the only reason they even met was because the woman wasn't wired for that sort of one guy relationship.

As for meeting people. In our experience, it depends greatly on what people are wanting out of it. My wife tends to meet people when she's out, like she would if she was single. So other than when we first started this, not much thought goes into it for us. No guy has been put off yet finding out she isn't cheating.

I get zero say in who she meets. Makes sense because I'm not the person getting intimate, so my opinion doesn't matter in that respect. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'd refuse to sleep with another woman that my wife picked out (unless i liked the woman too of course), but i'd want 100% say in who i slept or played around with. I really disliked one of her guys, but again, he didn't need to impress me.

[chard]

My wife and I liked to keep our activities private, she never had any difficulty pulling guys she fancied so I didn't need to involve myself. Having said that there was one occasion when I practically invited a guy to fuck my wife. The full story is in my post 'hunting in pairs' but when we were in the Bahamas we were sunbathing nude on a secluded beach. A black Bahamian guy walked past us and about 150 yards from us stripped naked and walked about in full view of my wife.
He walked past us again as he was leaving so we struck up a conversation, I told him he should have come closer so my wife could see him clearer and then we arranged to meet him next day in the same spot. We turned and he was already there and already naked. After some frolicking in the sea he fucked my wife right in front of me on the beach, with my permission of course so I guess I did invite him to fuck my wife.

[Johnann2227]

My wife and I liked to keep our activities private, she never had any difficulty pulling guys she fancied so I didn't need to involve myself. Having said that there was one occasion when I practically invited a guy to fuck my wife. The full story is in my post 'hunting in pairs' but when we were in the Bahamas we were sunbathing nude on a secluded beach. A black Bahamian guy walked past us and about 150 yards from us stripped naked and walked about in full view of my wife.
He walked past us again as he was leaving so we struck up a conversation, I told him he should have come closer so my wife could see him clearer and then we arranged to meet him next day in the same spot. We turned and he was already there and already naked. After some frolicking in the sea he fucked my wife right in front of me on the beach, with my permission of course so I guess I did invite him to fuck my wife.

I did something similar when we were at Hedo 2. I saw this local guy walking naked along the beach when I was getting out of the water. My wife was snoozing on her towel. I looked at the guy and knew he was perfect. 6 ft 3, about 22, really black, muscular with a great 6 pack and a long thick circumcised cock. He was just what my wife loved. I struck a conversation and after a few minutes just came out and said to him,"You are exactly what my wife loves. That is her tanning over there. Would you like to come back to our room for a drink?" He looked at my wife, smiled and walked straight over to her. I woke her, introduced our new friend and we sat talking. I told her that I had invited him back to our room for a drink. A big smile appeared on her face and she kissed me. She got up, took his hand and they walked down to the water. I sat and watched as they swam and then stood closely together. He leaned down and kissed her and I saw her reach out and obviously grab his cock. It was so hot sitting there amongst other guests watching my wife make out with him. She then turned, walked out of the water holding his now erect cock. She walked up the beach , and I followed her to our room. You can guess the rest of the afternoon.

[hotfreaks]

Depends on the guy. We feel him out and see. Sometimes, she just pretends to be cheating. She very recently met a guy through work...things got hot and heavy quickly and she fucked him yesterday afternoon. He thinks that she is stepping out.

In the end, ts all about my wifes pleasure and her getting what she wants. Some guys just can't handle the fact that a husband and wife could be into such a thing. But cheating, for whatever reason is "acceptable "

[Wifesharing]

Depends on the guy. We feel him out and see. Sometimes, she just pretends to be cheating. She very recently met a guy through work...things got hot and heavy quickly and she fucked him yesterday afternoon. He thinks that she is stepping out.

In the end, ts all about my wifes pleasure and her getting what she wants. Some guys just can't handle the fact that a husband and wife could be into such a thing. But cheating, for whatever reason is "acceptable "

This is what we do she prefers to meet natural out and about so the men she meets were not looking for this type of thing, well most the time. She(we) feel the guys out some she tells the whole story some she don't. She actually says that most the time the topic doesn't actually come up much unless it is a long term thing. She has found a few that couldn't handle the the husband knowing but was fine with her cheating I still find this strange, she just cuts them loose if this occurs. Now we find that a small % end up being okay with me there watching or joining in a threesome, when she has met them out and about. Now ones we have met online or in other lifestyle setting 100% have been okay with me watching or joining.

[Aussiem]

If we are out together and she responds to a guy chatting to her, then there usual comes a point when he says something like" I hope you don't mind me buying your wife a drink" or something along those lines. I just respond with. She is free to do what she wants and I'm not the jealous type.
Often they might ask how far they can go. My answer to that is as far as SHE wants. I am amazed at how many still don't take it as far as she wants.

[ProfBaw]

If we are out together and she responds to a guy chatting to her, then there usual comes a point when he says something like" I hope you don't mind me buying your wife a drink" or something along those lines. I just respond with. She is free to do what she wants and I'm not the jealous type.
Often they might ask how far they can go. My answer to that is as far as SHE wants. I am amazed at how many still don't take it as far as she wants.

I noticed that too. Looking at it from an everyday perspective, I can see why they don't. I mean, it all seems too good to be true. I'd probably think I'm being set up for a fall or lynching, if truth be told. The usual when you're out is one partner being overly protective and vocal. You could probably go into most pubs/bars etc and find that was the case with most people.

When i was younger, i'd never hit on a woman that was sat with her partner. If they both had come and sat close to me, or we just had been sat close out of coincidence, I'd probably have been uncomfortable with the situation, and moved away, even if i did find the woman attractive. Now, had she been with friends, like most people are when people get hook ups, that's different. But yeah, with her husband sat next to her, I don't think i would. Nerves would have taken over.

But you do get some brazen guys that hit onto women whether it's wanted or unwanted attention. It's finding those guys in our situation. One of our encounters happened naturally. We had been sat drinking for a few hours with a guy that just happened to strike up conversation with us. Nothing really happened for a few hours, but he began focusing on the wife, and I made my excuses and left. Nothing was forced.

[Parsifal]

My only foray in signaling to a guy my wife's interest in him and availability coincided with our first foray in her hotwifing. Our daughter and his were elementary school friends, also making us neighbors in the same subdivision. He was in the midst of a six month separation en route for divorce, leaving him emotionally vulnerable and quite horny. So after my wife and I decided we were ready for the plunge and wanted her to take it with him, I just came right out and asked him if he was game. I did it through a text exchange over a 4 day period in which I carefully guided into him into a safe space in which I was able to tease out of him his attraction for my wife in the context of me revealing her and my mutual desire for her to explore sex with someone else. On that one occasion only it was I who aligned my wife's experience by seducing the other man to invite her over alone and take her to bed, which he did.

[p_jimi]

My wife has been regularly fucking with other people two or three times a week for about two or three years, but she has never fucked in front of me. I once traveled home in a truck. The driver was a handsome young man. The word turned to the girls. He asked if we would stop to fuck a whore on the side of the road. I was lying upstairs in the bed resting behind the seat and secretly pulling my cock. It was only in such a state of excitement that I could talk to a stranger about this subject. I tried to prepare what I had to say. He said that he often stops to fuck a whore. I asked if his wife fucks other people at home while he is on the road. He said no. I told him that it would be correct if he told his wife that he fucks with other people and that his wife fucks with other people while he is on the road. He was surprised by this, but I continued. My wife regularly fucks other people with my knowledge, and if you accepts, I offer not to stop, but you can fuck my wife when we get home. All I asked was that I could watch you fuck my wife and jerk off I the mean time.
He was very surprised but accepted my offer. Then I called my wife and told her everything. I asked if she was in the party? She said, if he's handsome, she's fine. I told my wife to put on a very short skirt, a transparent, white thong with lace and come out by car to the truck parking lot where we would waiting be for her. And so it happened. When she arrived, she climbed into the resting bed, which was at eye level for the driver. I gently signaled my wife to spread her thighs so the driver could see her hairy pussy through the lacy thong. The driver started caressing my wife's thighs up to her cunt. After a short conversation, we headed home. I got off first so the driver could do whatever he wanted with my wife. I don't know if he kissed my wife's mouth or her pussy, but he helped her off the truck by reaching under her short skirt and holding my wife's pussy in his palm. We got into the car. The driver started fondling my wife's pussy, who spread her legs and took off her panties. Cars driving in the neighboring lane enjoyed the sight. At home, the driver and my wife fucked really well, and I jerked off. Then came the sequel. The driver fucked my wife every week. The very good thing about this relationship was that I got into a closer relationship with the driver. I asked him to fuck my wife with more and more colleagues, more and more times. Later I asked him to get my wife to fuck two people at the same time. This led to the fact that later my wife started to be fucked by several people at once. This was also good because my wife systematically fucked her coworkers, but only separately. From then on, at group building parties, every workmate fucked her one night. Then the next day again.

[Her number1]

For the vast majority of our time, I don't signal, set-up, or get involved. Farmgirl takes care of how, when, and where she meets guys, and what she wants to do with them. She is her own woman.

[hedonistcouple]

In our experience it is extremely easy to let a man know if he IS involved with non-monogamy e.g. at swingers clubs or on online swinging websites, but extremely difficult to do with men NOT involved in organised non-monogamy which we call vanilla.

[Wifesharing]

In our experience it is extremely easy to let a man know if he IS involved with non-monogamy e.g. at swingers clubs or on online swinging websites, but extremely difficult to do with men NOT involved in organised non-monogamy which we call vanilla.

This is what we see

[60dCommon]

My (ex) wife picked up guys on her own. Some were from our social circles, but most were caught in the wild. For one-offs, or intermittent hookups, I'm not sure she bothered telling them she was married (did't wear a ring). Her long-time boyfriend knew about our arrangement, but didn't want any involvement from me.

But, on one occasion, my wife asked me to invite a guy who was dining alone at a nearby table to join us. We'd stopped at a diner on the way home from skiing, and sitting just 10' or so away was a good-looking guy - a little younger than us (late 30s), athletic, wearing ski bibs rolled down to his waist, and a form-fitting T-shirt. He was in my wife's line of sight, and over my shoulder. Almost as soon as we sat down, I noticed her stealing glances in his direction, and by the time we'd ordered, she was practically having a conversation with him through her gaze. That's when she surprised me by telling me to go invite him to move to our table.

I don't remember exactly what I said to him, but it was some variation on "my wife would like you to join us, so you're not dining alone." I gestured for him to slide in alongside her in the booth, while I sat across from them. They didn't go crazy, and start making out in the Denny's, but she did slide closer to him, and occasionally place her hand on his bicep when making a point, or laughing at something he'd said. We learned he was an excellent skier, with lots of tips for us. He was into some of our other activities too, but always at a very high level. This gave my wife easy openings to emasculate me by comparing his athletic prowess to mine. He caught the vibe, and joined in, joking along with her.

All of this left me feeling flustered - aroused, but with my dick shriveled to an innie, and tightness in my chest. My wife generally kept her playtime completely separate from me. I'd never witnessed her seduce anyone before, let alone participated in the seduction. I excused myself to use the toilet (and to quietly settle the tab), but really just needed to clear my head a bit. Splash some cold water on my face. Recognize that this is really happening. When I returned to the table, they were sharing a laugh over some private joke. Later, as we were in the parking lot, I realized we hadn't exchanged contact info when parting. When I mentioned it to her, she gave me a seductive grin, saying "Oh, don't worry about that - we already have a date lined up," before hopping in the car.

Like I said, she mostly kept her playtime private, so I don't know when or how many times they hooked up. We did, however, run into him at a sporting event a year or so later. I saw him, and suggested we go say hi - with an expression that said " are you really sure about that?" she said "OoooooKay - if you want." Turned out to be an odd conversation where he mentioned that he had a new girlfriend every third sentence. I assume he was just trying to make it crystal clear he wasn't game for more playtime, at least not at that moment.

Anyway, just once I let a man know it was OK for him to date my wife by inviting him to join us for dinner.

[BT2]

How do we let a man know it is ok to date and have sex with my wife? Well, for one thing we find her playmates on dating sites, either print or internet. We have only once involved a friend, which was nice for a couple of years but eventually cost the friendship. As a rule we have not involved friends, coworkers nor relatives. When we respond to a solicitation, or place one ourselves, we ALWAYS disclose that she is a married woman who has her husband's knowledge and approval. That way he knows that she is married, is not cheating, and there is no object other than recreational sex, e.g. not a permanent relationship nor marriage. When she is looking for a new fb, (since we don't involve friends, coworkers nor relatives) we do so together, and when she meets a new playmate it may be part of a threesome, or I introduce myself then disappear - no particular reason other than that is the way it has worked out.

So that is our way of letting a man know it is ok to have sex with my wife.

[baltic52]

I don't "let" a guy have sex with my wife. She decides who gets to have sex with her. She has great judgement and I trust her judgement completely. She is a great partner to me and can sense if I don't like a guy. If she senses that, I have seen her politely remove herself from a conversation with a guy that I know she found a possibly for sex. This lifestyle is all about trust. Trust your woman.

[LongTermHubby]

My wife flew to the west coast on a business trip and had accepted a invitation to stay with a soon-to-be lover while she was there. He called me from the airport to say she had arrived safely and I responded by telling him to take good care of her. He did.

[Smit_hd]

Wife was chatting up a few different older men the last time we were in Vegas and I wanted to let them know somehow. I think it can be tough..

[Wifesharing]

Wife was chatting up a few different older men the last time we were in Vegas and I wanted to let them know somehow. I think it can be tough..

It can be tough in a vanilla situation like that especially if you are clearly together. I usually just stay mostly out of the conversation and as time goes by the ones that are bold will take notice some just never pick up on it and well that is okay too

[Smit_hd]

Wife was chatting up a few different older men the last time we were in Vegas and I wanted to let them know somehow. I think it can be tough..

It can be tough in a vanilla situation like that especially if you are clearly together. I usually just stay mostly out of the conversation and as time goes by the ones that are bold will take notice some just never pick up on it and well that is okay too

Yeah live and learn. Next time I would play it differently but it was all still fun and exciting.

[Wifesharing]

Wife was chatting up a few different older men the last time we were in Vegas and I wanted to let them know somehow. I think it can be tough..

It can be tough in a vanilla situation like that especially if you are clearly together. I usually just stay mostly out of the conversation and as time goes by the ones that are bold will take notice some just never pick up on it and well that is okay too

Yeah live and learn. Next time I would play it differently but it was all still fun and exciting.

That is great that you still found it fun and exciting

[Long Lurker 34]

Wife was chatting up a few different older men the last time we were in Vegas and I wanted to let them know somehow. I think it can be tough..

It can be tough in a vanilla situation like that especially if you are clearly together. I usually just stay mostly out of the conversation and as time goes by the ones that are bold will take notice some just never pick up on it and well that is okay too

WS - What about having some business type cards made up, with your wife's number. She could give you some sort of signal where upon you hand the fellow one and say "She would really like you to call to arrange a proper date", or some such.

[Wifesharing]

Not a horrible idea it might still scare away some. Definitely a much more subtle way of saying it.

[Long Lurker 34]

Not a horrible idea it might still scare away some. Definitely a much more subtle way of saying it.

WS - That will happen no matter what approach or method is used or by whom.

[Wifesharing]

Not a horrible idea it might still scare away some. Definitely a much more subtle way of saying it.

WS - That will happen no matter what approach or method is used or by whom.

I agree I think your method is a good approach. My wife is a real estate broker she gives out her cards a lot it is also a easy way to give out her number most guys do use to start more conversation