Maybe a deal breaker to start- no recap of what happened

[Drakebelg]

We've been talking about cuckolding on and off for a year. My wife f54 was making it clear that she was getting close to wanting to do it. From the start she was clear that I would be waiting at home but now she's saying that she won't tell me the details of what happened.

I think this is a deal breaker for me.

Any advice on this or potential solutions?

Update: We had a great talk about it and I explained how a situation where she comes homes and doesn't tell me anything would mean very little for me. She hadn't realised how important and arousing the telling was for me.

She told me she has started checking out men in a sexual way and it turns her on. I explained that this is a good example of how just telling me this turns me on. I also told her that she clearly flirted with our bank manager and I loved. She said she found him hot. HMMM.....

So we agreed that she needs to give me some information on how it went and how it felt. We also agreed the following with most of it coming from her.

She will do the searching for a bull online and keep her eyes open in her day to day life.
She will talk about it with a friend who is single but is sexually active via online dating with multiple FWB's.
For the first date she would like to meet him for a coffee with me nearby.
For a second date I will drop her off and wait nearby for a few hours.
She will use a condom but let him cum on her body so I can can wash her off.
She will give me feedback on how it went and some of the things they did.
We will have sex afterwards.

This morning she told me to massage her and then fuck her with a big cock sleeve to 2 intense orgasms. I was then allowed to cum in her (15 seconds lol).
She then told me that she made a tinder account just after our talk and is checking out SDC.

[leggysman]

I think you tell her that this thing has to be a (somewhat) 2-way street. You're a couple, a team. It has to be fun for both of you.

If hearing about her dates is your minimum threshold for being able to enjoy this, then tell her that. Don't accept less, or else you might find yourself in an emotionally unpleasant place, while at the time she's having a ball ( ) and that will be awkward to fix.

Establish these things before you start. Both of you might find your needs, wants, and "rules" evolve over time, but at least start out with a mutual understanding of how you want to begin.

[Shadnaster]

If it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. You're in this together. If you wanted her to have sex with a total stranger but she didn't want to then, that would be a deal breaker too.

[trecital]

Is there a reason why she doesn't want to tell you the details?

Maybe she thinks that you will react badly?
Maybe she still harbours guilt about having sex with another man?

There could be all sorts of reasons. You need to discuss this with her.
As others have said, it would be unwise to agree to her proceeding, without resolving this issue.

[Pufferfish]

If it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. You're in this together. If you wanted her to have sex with a total stranger but she didn't want to then, that would be a deal breaker too.

This right here. You both have an equal say.

Not wanting to share details is wanting to keep it a secret. If it's a secret it isn't being honest. If she can't be honest, she shouldn't do it.

It sounds like communication still needs some work. You two aren't on the same page yet and don't want the same things. You shouldn't move forward until you both want the same things and agree on how things should work.

[parklife]

I agree with puffer in that it sounds like communication needs more work. Make sure you’re both on the same page a d you both have an understanding what the ‘recap’ is and how you both feel about it.

I don’t think it needs to be a dealbreaker, but both of you may need to find your compromise.

I’l say that when my wife started, I wanted a recap… I had questions, follow up questions and then I probably wanted to tal on about it some more. My wife? She isn’t a great story teller and is rather curt and blunt. Early on it frustrated the hell out of me.. left me wanting to know more, left me feeling out of the loop…. And I could have fallen into that emotionally unpleasant place. I didn’t… we talked, we got to an understanding of what we both wanted/needed. For my wife, it’s about expressing her own sexuality and ha vi no some autonomy over that. She didn’t just want this to be me experiencing my own fantasy her serving as just a sexual tool for my kink. So she needed parts of it that were hers. And part of that was keeping some things personal. She wasn’t doing this just for my own sexual wants but was doing throws to express her ow sexual side. Over time. I realized that the less I went looking for answers and stories, the more open she became sharing them. She felt less like being interrogated and more like sharing her experience. But that also meant I needed to wait for her to process that experience in her own way.

Long story short…. Make sure you both try to look at the issue from each of your viewpoints. There is no one size fits all and there is likely more common ground it be found if you approach it less as a deal breaker and more as a slight road block you need to find your way around. She has her reasons for wanting to keep some things private and you have yours for wanting to know more details. Find where you can agree on certain things and see if there is space to move forward.

[Drakebelg]

I agree with puffer in that it sounds like communication needs more work. Make sure you’re both on the same page a d you both have an understanding what the ‘recap’ is and how you both feel about it.

I don’t think it needs to be a dealbreaker, but both of you may need to find your compromise.

I’l say that when my wife started, I wanted a recap… I had questions, follow up questions and then I probably wanted to tal on about it some more. My wife? She isn’t a great story teller and is rather curt and blunt. Early on it frustrated the hell out of me.. left me wanting to know more, left me feeling out of the loop…. And I could have fallen into that emotionally unpleasant place. I didn’t… we talked, we got to an understanding of what we both wanted/needed. For my wife, it’s about expressing her own sexuality and ha vi no some autonomy over that. She didn’t just want this to be me experiencing my own fantasy her serving as just a sexual tool for my kink. So she needed parts of it that were hers. And part of that was keeping some things personal. She wasn’t doing this just for my own sexual wants but was doing throws to express her ow sexual side. Over time. I realized that the less I went looking for answers and stories, the more open she became sharing them. She felt less like being interrogated and more like sharing her experience. But that also meant I needed to wait for her to process that experience in her own way.

Long story short…. Make sure you both try to look at the issue from each of your viewpoints. There is no one size fits all and there is likely more common ground it be found if you approach it less as a deal breaker and more as a slight road block you need to find your way around. She has her reasons for wanting to keep some things private and you have yours for wanting to know more details. Find where you can agree on certain things and see if there is space to move forward.

Thank you. You hit the nail on the head here. We had a great talk yesterday, see my update above.

[Drakebelg]

If it's a deal breaker, it's a deal breaker. You're in this together. If you wanted her to have sex with a total stranger but she didn't want to then, that would be a deal breaker too.

This right here. You both have an equal say.

Not wanting to share details is wanting to keep it a secret. If it's a secret it isn't being honest. If she can't be honest, she shouldn't do it.

It sounds like communication still needs some work. You two aren't on the same page yet and don't want the same things. You shouldn't move forward until you both want the same things and agree on how things should work.

Thank you. We had a great talk yesterday, see my update above. It was more about being uncomfortable and hurting me with too many details.

[Drakebelg]

Is there a reason why she doesn't want to tell you the details?

Maybe she thinks that you will react badly?
Maybe she still harbours guilt about having sex with another man?

There could be all sorts of reasons. You need to discuss this with her.
As others have said, it would be unwise to agree to her proceeding, without resolving this issue.

She was worried about how I would react. I told her how turned on I was with her blatant flirting of a man we bumped into and her checking out men while out walking. I explained her recap even if short is essential to have me involved. She said she understood it now and was fine by it.
She even found it a pity for me that because they guy will wear a condom that I can't clean her creampie. I said let him cum on your body, and she thought it was a great idea. So yeah, she is definetly thinking about whta turns me on.

[Drakebelg]

I think you tell her that this thing has to be a (somewhat) 2-way street. You're a couple, a team. It has to be fun for both of you.

If hearing about her dates is your minimum threshold for being able to enjoy this, then tell her that. Don't accept less, or else you might find yourself in an emotionally unpleasant place, while at the time she's having a ball ( ) and that will be awkward to fix.

Establish these things before you start. Both of you might find your needs, wants, and "rules" evolve over time, but at least start out with a mutual understanding of how you want to begin.

We've sorted it out. See my update above.
As you mention for me this is now very important, maybe in the furture less so or even more so. We are both on the same page again and she's getting excited, enthusiastic and more practical about the going forward now.
We are keepin the rule to a minimum: she finds the bull, first date meetup with me there in the same cafe, me somewhere in the neighbourhood during the first sexdate, condoms, me not in the room, her giving a recap, reconnecting and aftercare.

[Shadnaster]

For the first date she would like to meet him for a coffee with me nearby.
For a second date I will drop her off and wait nearby for a few hours.
She will use a condom but let him cum on her body so I can can wash her off.
We will have sex afterwards.

Meeting him together for coffee was always one of our rules. We would make sure we'd tell them there would be no sex. Just coffee. You would be surprised at how many guys that weeded out. not a bad thing.


One thing I see missing here is, is she going to tell you details about the date? I thought that was the sticking point?

[Drakebelg]

For the first date she would like to meet him for a coffee with me nearby.
For a second date I will drop her off and wait nearby for a few hours.
She will use a condom but let him cum on her body so I can can wash her off.
We will have sex afterwards.

Meeting him together for coffee was always one of our rules. We would make sure we'd tell them there would be no sex. Just coffee. You would be surprised at how many guys that weeded out. not a bad thing.

One thing I see missing here is, is she going to tell you details about the date? I thought that was the sticking point?

Lol. I was sure I had typed it. Yeah, after my explanation and giving some examples she understood and agreed that she will give me feedback on how it went and some of the things they did. I can imagine that at the start she might still be embarrassed or afraid to give all the details and to be honest I don't expect all the details.
That's a great point using the coffee date to filter out no shows or weed out where there is no connection.