At a cross road

[BuxomHotwife]

First time posting after lurking in the background gaining valuable information. The site and its members are second to none with topics and excellent feedback.

The wife (38) and I (42) happily married for 6 years and dating for 3 before tying the knot. She has expressed a desire for casual dating after admitting she misses the chase. A testament to our relationship that she can express this desire without fear of reprisal. The wife has blonde hair and blue eyes with a 36 GG bust and killer waist. In public men often glance over and others can’t take their eyes off her which I find quite arousing.

I suggested swinging being mutually beneficial and the wife declined. She can’t handle the thought of me with another woman and I respect her decision. We shifted our conversation towards a Hotwife lifestyle beginning with MFM and with me being present because that’s essentially my fantasy and kick watching her in action. The wife gets her chase dating other men and the three of us get together for some fun. A win-win situation!

The wife has met a single guy online with experience in this lifestyle having played solo for a year with another man’s wife. He’s adventurous and although the wife enjoys sex it’s generally vanilla between us. I have tried to push the boundaries on a few occasions to no avail. I’m talking about CIM and anal mainly, nothing too extreme.

More recently the wife has expressed a desire to meet this man alone. Now it’s getting real the thought of me being present at any capacity is too difficult for her. I’ve seen the messages and this guy is keen for solo play. I asked if I could ever be present and she’s doesn’t know?
This revelation has killed off my fantasy and the prospect of sitting at home each week is creating some negative thoughts.

The wife needs a connection and would rather a steady guy meeting once weekly as supposed to one night stands. I totally get this. I’m beginning to understand that I’ll never participate and trying to adjust my trail of thought to accommodate this change. Yes, I want my wife to have fun.

Lastly, the wife was very excited to announce a potential threesome with this guy and another woman. I read the messages and he would love to finish with both women on their knees and firing his load in each of their mouths and then the women French kiss. He’s a very heavy cummer, I’ve seen a video lol. The wife in response was happy.

This was a joint venture which has become one sided and I’m struggling to find a positive for myself. Everyone else is eating cake.
The revelation of a third has hurt my feelings. Should her priority be getting comfortable and me involved?

Before I pull the plug completely, I would like the opportunity to reach out for your comments to help enlighten me or other.

Thank you.

[skoot1958]

So she is full of NRE and going with everything this potential FWB is proposing, does he have a woman to would join them or is this just wishful thinking ? Has your wife ever been with a woman 1on1? If not is this in her todo list as well ? If so have her start looking for a woman’s as well whitest she is full of NRE, it is a different sort of vid, he just want raw sex, a woman may want more or send he to a gay bar and see what happens

You need ground rules, like you can both stop this at any time, hard to do in reality but worth talking about, also I assume this man will get a full STD test done, what about the condom rule? And will she stick with it

With their first coffee date, you could be in the room to watch from a distance, for her safety as well, you should be able to talk to him, maybe a 3 way chat group, this shows you part of the arrangement, nothing outside this communication channel

You have to agree what you get out of this, or it will become one sided, will they take photos, can you be there, or do you just get a will fucked wife back, which is fun as well

[trecital]

The only thing I can advise is to talk to your wife about it. Tell her how it seems to you that you are missing out. In her excitement she may have overlooked or glossed over your wants and needs.

If you discuss it fully she should realise that you need more from the arrangement. You will need to find some compromise, or else you are probably going to quickly resent the whole arrangement. Which isn't a good thing.

Good luck.

[elina]

Dear Buxomhotwife

Thank you for sharing, I understand why this is challenging for you.

What I take away from your message is the following.

1) You are married to an incredibly attractive, sexy Lady.
This Lady is not fully satisfied by the sex-life you and Her have involving nobody else.
She enjoys the attention of extra males chasing Her and wants to go all the way,
2) Your Wife still want to keep you all to Herself, She is not prepared to allow you to play with other women!
The good news here is that She must love you and see you as the spouse,
She wants all for Herself (lucky you with such a wonderful Lady)
3) You are now fealing jealous and left out.

I agree with trecital that you need to share your emotions with your Wife.
I think you should also emphasize how much you love Her, and maybe that the fact that She does not want to play with someone else seems to indicate that She loves you to much for Her to be able to see you with another Woman. Which in one way makes you feel loved, but that you struggle with Her then insisting on having sex with others on Her own.

Then discuss with Her how She can help you keep your natural feelings of jealousy in check here.
Jealousy to me is a very natural response, it is the fear of loosing someone we dearly love.
Tell Her that you love Her and want Her to be fully sexually satisfied, but are afraid that the fealing of jealousy may be overwhelming to you.
Explain this to your Wife and tell Her that this is challenging for you in this situation and ask Her if She has any thought on what She can do to help you accept and live with these emotions.

Good luck and please keep us posted.
Sincerely
elina
(Submissive male).

[Topnotch]

Sounds like my wife. She plays alone and she doesn't want to share me. She does send me pics and videos tho. It works for us

[gesdell]

My opinion is that cuckolding should be fun for the cuck too. If you aren't enjoying it, then there is no eroticism in it for you. Some people are into the humiliation and denial, but not everyone. You can try it her way and make a list of things that you like and dislike about it and talk it over with her, maybe there are ways to keep you invested in this without you actually being present. At the end of the day, it is still about what makes you happy in life, even if that is through someone else's pleasure or not.

[leo-cpl]

WOW! What a rollercoaster ride this must be.....so close to your fantasy and yet so far. So we were partly in the same boat when we started (wife couldn't stand the idea of me being with another woman).....thats changed after the first cpl of years.
But if I could recommend, what I did differently was I chatted n screened the guys before selecting the guys who I thought she would enjoy chatting and interacting with (before i introduce them online).....this helped coz when we did meet the guy casually over drinks I knew him and having chatted early on it was like strangers meeting up for a casual drink. This helped her be comfortable too with me around....not sure if its too late for you to try this. Good Luck, hope things work out so everyone enjoys

[veub]

There's no way that if she's talking about a threesome with him that she's not already fucking him solo.
You two need a long conversation - outside of bed and without alcohol.

[MartasBoy]

.....Before I pull the plug completely, I would like the opportunity to reach out for your comments to help enlighten me or other.

Thank you.

I would feel inclined to point out to my wife, that without me being allowed some involvement, it feels more like she is just cheating, or at least going off to enjoy a selfish Act that excludes me, her life partner.

My wife however, also prefers when I am not present. She doesn't care for her sex play to be a spectator sport. But they have allowed me some involvement. And there are photos that are sent to my phone when they are out, and I am home. That helps me feel like I'm not completely forgotten about.

[setv4]

First time posting after lurking in the background gaining valuable information. The site and its members are second to none with topics and excellent feedback.

The wife (38) and I (42) happily married for 6 years and dating for 3 before tying the knot. She has expressed a desire for casual dating after admitting she misses the chase. A testament to our relationship that she can express this desire without fear of reprisal. The wife has blonde hair and blue eyes with a 36 GG bust and killer waist. In public men often glance over and others can’t take their eyes off her which I find quite arousing.

I suggested swinging being mutually beneficial and the wife declined. She can’t handle the thought of me with another woman and I respect her decision. We shifted our conversation towards a Hotwife lifestyle beginning with MFM and with me being present because that’s essentially my fantasy and kick watching her in action. The wife gets her chase dating other men and the three of us get together for some fun. A win-win situation!

The wife has met a single guy online with experience in this lifestyle having played solo for a year with another man’s wife. He’s adventurous and although the wife enjoys sex it’s generally vanilla between us. I have tried to push the boundaries on a few occasions to no avail. I’m talking about CIM and anal mainly, nothing too extreme.

More recently the wife has expressed a desire to meet this man alone. Now it’s getting real the thought of me being present at any capacity is too difficult for her. I’ve seen the messages and this guy is keen for solo play. I asked if I could ever be present and she’s doesn’t know?
This revelation has killed off my fantasy and the prospect of sitting at home each week is creating some negative thoughts.

The wife needs a connection and would rather a steady guy meeting once weekly as supposed to one night stands. I totally get this. I’m beginning to understand that I’ll never participate and trying to adjust my trail of thought to accommodate this change. Yes, I want my wife to have fun.

Lastly, the wife was very excited to announce a potential threesome with this guy and another woman. I read the messages and he would love to finish with both women on their knees and firing his load in each of their mouths and then the women French kiss. He’s a very heavy cummer, I’ve seen a video lol. The wife in response was happy.

This was a joint venture which has become one sided and I’m struggling to find a positive for myself. Everyone else is eating cake.
The revelation of a third has hurt my feelings. Should her priority be getting comfortable and me involved?

Before I pull the plug completely, I would like the opportunity to reach out for your comments to help enlighten me or other.

Thank you.

Since your Wife is changing the dynamics of her Hotwifing, and is now excluding You, You should change some things into your favor. It's time that get a Hotwife to play with, to level the playing field.
You were willing to not have an equal right to a girlfriend while she had boyfriends on the side, while including you in her Playtime. Now that has changed and if you are not pleased with that and she won't change her requirements for this new relationship, then you have a right to change things too.
You should consider also having a extra lover on the side as she now does. Just something to consider going forward. Just my opinion on your situation. Good luck with everything, hope it all goes well for you all.

[bbarnsworth]

BuxomHotwife, wow. Just wow. If you swapped the genders in this scenario, we'd all be saying what an asshole the husband is. The wife's not allowed to play, but he is, and he doesn't want her around when he plays, and oh guess what? Now he's going to be part of a three some with two other women and no you don't get watch or participate in that either.

I'm sorry, this is a lose-lose-lose scenario. Your wife is using you. Pull the plug. If she refuses, time to talk to a lawyer.

The ONLY way this plays out ok is if you enjoy being a true, humiliated cuck with a wife who routinely cheats on you, doesn't allow you to ever play, and you have to just take it. Anything else, and this should be over IMMEDIATELY.

[BuxomHotwife]

Thank you all for providing valuable feedback. I shall return soon to provide an update.

All the best

[parklife]

Perhaps I’m too late to the game, but a few thoughts…

The cynic in me reads this as, “my wife expressed a desire because our rationship is strong enough to voice them and handle it. She was clear and concise in what her personal boundaries are. I saw this as an ‘in’ and proceeded to see how I could push this to fit into my fantasy thinking it could satisfy us all. Now that it’s getting closer to reality, my wife realizes she doesn’t want to be my pornstar and be a prop to my fantasy. Instead, she wants it to be about her and her original desire, to casual date because she enjoys the chase. When asked if we can try my fantasy, she doesn’t know (perhaps because she hasn’t put on foot out the door on the first one yet). Not because we can focus on my fantasy the way I fantasize about it playing out, my fantasy is dead and I’m thinking of taking the ball and going home. I mean, I do want my wife to have fun… but what’s in it for me?”

Now, maybe that’s too harsh… but it’s not totally off the mark either. You two clearly have a great relationship to even start the conversations…. Is it perfect? Maybe not but it also moves things forward. There is give and take and often, especially in the early goings, it may seem that one or the other has to do a lot of giving…. But that’s ok…. It gets the wheels in motion and once theyre moving, it’s easier to make your course adjustments.

My wife and I started under different circumstances…. I encouraged her to have extra fun…. For her, she didn’t teams to add another proverbial notch to the belt, so she reconnected to an old flame. It wasn’t ideal in my mind, but looking back, it made her comfortable. Comfortable enough to go thru with it and ultimately share her intimacy with me via videos. If I had held firm that I was t comfortable with her solo with an ex lover, she never would have been comfortable enough to move forward.

My wife once told a friend about our arrangement and her friend was aghast when she heard I don’t get to have fun with others. She said it was unfair to me and if my wife was playing, I should be allowed to play too. Only, for us, what it comes down to is the fact that it fucking turns me on when my wife expressed herself sexually with others. I enjoy it, she enjoys it. My wife would be hurt and mortified if I was with another woman. The idea brings her absolutely no joy whatsoever. That means it’s a non starter for me. Why would I ever do anything to cause that anguish? Fair does not mean equal, fair means both parties are pleased with the outcome they each receive.

For you, you’re thinking it’s neither fair nor equal because you aren’t satisfied with what you get. Just remember, you can’t hit a flush without starting with cards matching suits. In other words, I don’t know if you’ll ever get to watch your wife in action with another man. But I’m pretty darn sure she’ll need to be a hotwife in order to do it. You can try to hit a flush on the deal, but rarely does everything come together so quickly. Perhaps you get a few of the cards to match and then you play your chances on the draw….

[FNQLivin]

Good points. I expect the frustration may also be that his wife refuses CIM or anal (fair play to anal) but she's offering up a MFF threesome where she kneels with another woman and takes a load to the face, where I expect they will then kiss. That would be insanely hot to be a part of, but to be told no, you can't even be there, see it or participate is the issue. Perhaps it is also because she's not done anything yet and the first person she's lined up is going to 100 straight away?

I definitely see your point though.

[veub]

Good points. I expect the frustration may also be that his wife refuses CIM or anal (fair play to anal) but she's offering up a MFF threesome where she kneels with another woman and takes a load to the face, where I expect they will then kiss. That would be insanely hot to be a part of, but to be told no, you can't even be there, see it or participate is the issue. Perhaps it is also because she's not done anything yet and the first person she's lined up is going to 100 straight away?

I definitely see your point though.

Of course she has already "done" something with this guy. Otherwise nothing she says makes sense.
She says she needs an emotional relationship before she fucks someone but finds a guy online with whom she is willing to get excited about a threesome with another woman before they ever even "casually date?" Yeah, that makes sense.
She was already involved with this guy and brought up "casual dating" to get a hall pass to fuck the guy. Nothing else makes any sense.
The OP should look forward to many long nights at home by himself.

[funfortwo]

Hi there BuxomHotwife,
I read your post with great interest. Sounds like things are moving in the right direction, she is open to it, you are open to sharing her, but you both have some reservations. You are almost there, but you should communicate the pros and cons of the LS. If you can't handle a solo date, and she doesn't feel comfortable with you there, then unfortunately this journey should come to an end. You could continue with role playing and toys to supplant the "real thing" and that's not so bad. My wife and I had discussions regarding hotwifing that lasted almost 10 years before we took the leap into the LS. I had reservations about not being present and she wasn't sure she could handle having sex in front of me, stating she would worry about my feelings causing the entire situation to be awkward. She also mentioned that "if" she ever did it, it would need to be with one person that she had a connection with...not romantic, but someone other than a random hookup. I was willing to try the solo date scenario, and she finally met someone she was attracted to that checked the boxes. Initially, I didn't get photos or videos because we were ALL trying to figure this situation out, which we did. Over the first few meetings, she would tell me everything that happened and we would have reclamation sex, which we both truly enjoyed. But, the first few months, although exciting, were filled with some ups and downs that needed to be worked through. I ended up meeting this gentleman in person discussing our boundries and I felt much more comfortable with the arrangement. He wasn't trying to take my wife, he loved the arrangement and I realized he was/is a great guy. We committed to debriefing how we feel and what went right/wrong/better/worse a day or two after their meeting, while sober. (the meetings happen about once a month lasting for 4-5 hours). Our communication and relationship went to the next level!! I am POSITIVE I am her number one, but we both enjoy our dynamic. It works for us. I'm not telling you that this will/will not work for you, but through communication you will find out what you can handle and what she can also. I would avoid threats, or ultimatums, they don't usually work a positive loving relationship.

[slenderfish]

BuxomHW:

The door is opened but it is not exactly what you were envisioning. Welcome to life!

You have to accept that ultimately, the wife runs the show in a hotwife situation. She kept the door closed for many years, and now that it's open, she wants to experiment. How can that be bad?

If, before she was ready to start anything, she had asked for this as a fantasy for herself as a condition to starting up, would you have readily agreed?

If so or if not, there is a give- and take- in all this and it's not going to be perfectly balanced as you go along. But really, this is not a YES or NO situation, it's an opportunity to adjust. She wants you to adjust in some ways, fine, but at the same time it's fully reasonable for her to adjust in some ways. Just be open and friendly about it, not combative. Take it slow and with love and compassion.

In looking back at my first few weeks and months of experience with SW trying out HW activities, I probably came on too strong even when I believed I was not, with this same complaint that I was being shut out of my part, and she was getting all the fun and benefits, etc. She preferred solo, etc.

My two cents.

[Her number1]

Perhaps I’m too late to the game, but a few thoughts…

The cynic in me reads this as, “my wife expressed a desire because our rationship is strong enough to voice them and handle it. She was clear and concise in what her personal boundaries are. I saw this as an ‘in’ and proceeded to see how I could push this to fit into my fantasy thinking it could satisfy us all. Now that it’s getting closer to reality, my wife realizes she doesn’t want to be my pornstar and be a prop to my fantasy. Instead, she wants it to be about her and her original desire, to casual date because she enjoys the chase. When asked if we can try my fantasy, she doesn’t know (perhaps because she hasn’t put on foot out the door on the first one yet). Not because we can focus on my fantasy the way I fantasize about it playing out, my fantasy is dead and I’m thinking of taking the ball and going home. I mean, I do want my wife to have fun… but what’s in it for me?”

Now, maybe that’s too harsh… but it’s not totally off the mark either. You two clearly have a great relationship to even start the conversations…. Is it perfect? Maybe not but it also moves things forward. There is give and take and often, especially in the early goings, it may seem that one or the other has to do a lot of giving…. But that’s ok…. It gets the wheels in motion and once theyre moving, it’s easier to make your course adjustments.

My wife and I started under different circumstances…. I encouraged her to have extra fun…. For her, she didn’t teams to add another proverbial notch to the belt, so she reconnected to an old flame. It wasn’t ideal in my mind, but looking back, it made her comfortable. Comfortable enough to go thru with it and ultimately share her intimacy with me via videos. If I had held firm that I was t comfortable with her solo with an ex lover, she never would have been comfortable enough to move forward.

My wife once told a friend about our arrangement and her friend was aghast when she heard I don’t get to have fun with others. She said it was unfair to me and if my wife was playing, I should be allowed to play too. Only, for us, what it comes down to is the fact that it fucking turns me on when my wife expressed herself sexually with others. I enjoy it, she enjoys it. My wife would be hurt and mortified if I was with another woman. The idea brings her absolutely no joy whatsoever. That means it’s a non starter for me. Why would I ever do anything to cause that anguish? Fair does not mean equal, fair means both parties are pleased with the outcome they each receive.

For you, you’re thinking it’s neither fair nor equal because you aren’t satisfied with what you get. Just remember, you can’t hit a flush without starting with cards matching suits. In other words, I don’t know if you’ll ever get to watch your wife in action with another man. But I’m pretty darn sure she’ll need to be a hotwife in order to do it. You can try to hit a flush on the deal, but rarely does everything come together so quickly. Perhaps you get a few of the cards to match and then you play your chances on the draw….

Very well said, and I agree with you.

[sandy691196]

Buxomhotwife-

Let's list out the salient points in the situation-

1.It starts with the wife wanting (demanding) the right to date for kicks sake.

2. You propose swinging but SHE doesn't want to share you (it's somehow her call on who shares whom!).

3. You graciously agree to let her play while you are kinda included. She agrees and scouts the talent available.

4. She finds a guy and he won't have you around..So she doesn't want you around either (again, somehow it's her call!). You are supposed to tag along with whatever she decides.

Do we need to spell it out mate!? Hello!?

What setv proposed above is the way to look at it. She plays solo- you play solo..
Or else..

[Topnotch]

Parklife I love the way you put that. Kudos to you

[veub]

Buxomhotwife-

Let's list out the salient points in the situation-

1.It starts with the wife wanting (demanding) the right to date for kicks sake.

2. You propose swinging but SHE doesn't want to share you (it's somehow her call on who shares whom!).

3. You graciously agree to let her play while you are kinda included. She agrees and scouts the talent available.

4. She finds a guy and he won't have you around..So she doesn't want you around either (again, somehow it's her call!). You are supposed to tag along with whatever she decides.

Do we need to spell it out mate!? Hello!?

What setv proposed above is the way to look at it. She plays solo- you play solo..
Or else..

Finally someone gets it. He wasn't the one looking for this - she was.

[parklife]

Buxomhotwife-

Let's list out the salient points in the situation-

1.It starts with the wife wanting (demanding) the right to date for kicks sake.

2. You propose swinging but SHE doesn't want to share you (it's somehow her call on who shares whom!).

3. You graciously agree to let her play while you are kinda included. She agrees and scouts the talent available.

4. She finds a guy and he won't have you around..So she doesn't want you around either (again, somehow it's her call!). You are supposed to tag along with whatever she decides.

Do we need to spell it out mate!? Hello!?

What setv proposed above is the way to look at it. She plays solo- you play solo..
Or else..

Finally someone gets it. He wasn't the one looking for this - she was.

Really?!? That’s what you got from these paragraphs? Demanding? It’s like we read entirely different scenarios.

She has expressed a desire for casual dating after admitting she misses the chase. A testament to our relationship that she can express this desire without fear of reprisal. The wife has blonde hair and blue eyes with a 36 GG bust and killer waist. In public men often glance over and others can’t take their eyes off her which I find quite arousing.

I suggested swinging being mutually beneficial and the wife declined. She can’t handle the thought of me with another woman and I respect her decision. We shifted our conversation towards a Hotwife lifestyle beginning with MFM and with me being present because that’s essentially my fantasy and kick watching her in action. The wife gets her chase dating other men and the three of us get together for some fun. A win-win situation!

[veub]

I wouldn't have used "demanding" but otherwise - yes.

[subbieCuck]

"I’m struggling to find a positive for myself"

The happiness of having a happy wife. Should be enough.

[leggysman]

"I’m struggling to find a positive for myself"

The happiness of having a happy wife. Should be enough.

If you're not both enjoying this, in whatever way you choose to ultimately proceed, then I predict it's unlikely to work out well. There will be sore feelings that will be awkward to express - particularly if you agreed the parameters together. You're a team. It's OK for you to also have needs and wants, and she should care about those. If you're not sure she does, expect to be unhappy with the outcome. If you know she does care, then make sure she knows your needs ahead of time.

I totally get why you might feel left out and sidelined, if she's planning to jump straight into fantasy FMF threesomes with this other bloke, and you're specifically not invited. Maybe she could at least promise you invitations to similar future extravaganzas?