Ky_Da wrote: ↑Wed Feb 05, 2025 7:36 am
The other night I was lying in bed, thinking of a number of the comments on this forum. Some comments I disregard because they're off the mark far enough that they don't apply, but some are very insightful and cause me to pause and think. This night, my wife lay close, our conversation a whisper in the dark. It was late and we both needed to be asleep, but sleep seemed to elude us both.
"Jaimee, do you... do you think... have we gone far?" I asked, my voice tentative, worried I was poking the bear by asking what had become by now a now well-worn question.
I swear I felt her stiffen. "You mean have I gone too far?" she said, her voice defensive.
"I'm not trying to pick a fight, Jaimee," I said, trying to keep my voice as placating as possible.
Jaimee let out a long sigh, the sound of frustration mixed with fatigue. "I'm sorry. I know that. It's just we keep circling back to this, so it's clear you feel like I've gone too far."
"Not exactly," I began, the words catching slightly. "Well, maybe..." I paused, knowing Jaimee was ready to interject. I quickly continued, "It's not just the tattoos," I said, preempting her defense. "Or the piercings. And what's happened so far. If it were just those things, I think I'd be okay with it. But I have to be honest, when you add it all up - our neighbors seeing a lot more of our lifestyle, even your mum with her suspicions - it's a lot to handle. Individually, maybe it's manageable, but together, it's overwhelming. This Lexi persona of yours, she doesn't seem to have any limits." I took a quick breath and added, "Lexi scares me a bit."
She scoffed lightly, the sound echoing in the quiet room. "That's rubbish. Lexi is just a part of me, a part we both enjoy. She lets me be wild, lets me push boundaries without losing who I am at my core. I'm still Jaimee, love. I'm still your wife, the mother of our children. Lexi is just the name we give to the part of me that's free, that loves this game as much as you do."
I felt the weight of her words, the dismissal of my fears as if they were unfounded. "But where do we draw the line? When does it stop being fun and start being something else entirely?"
Jaimee shifted closer, her hand finding mine in the dark. "I don't know, Ky. Maybe we don't need a line. Maybe it's about feeling it out as we go. I love you, and I love our life together. Lexi is just... an extension, a way to explore parts of myself I never knew existed. It's not about losing myself; it's about finding more of me." Her voice softened, trying to bridge the gap between us.
"But what if you lose yourself in the exploration?" I asked, my voice betraying my fear. "What if you find you prefer Lexi to Jaimee?"
She squeezed my hand, her tone reassuring. "I won't lose myself, Ky. I couldn't, not with you here. Lexi is fun, exciting, but she's not my whole world. You, our family, that's my anchor. Lexi's just the sail that lets me catch the wind, feel the thrill. But at the end of the day, I come back home to you, to us. I need you to trust that."
I sighed, the tension between us palpable yet somehow comforting, I still felt like we had a willingness to navigate this together. "I want to trust that. I'm just... I'm worried. I'm supposed to be your anchor, but I think I'm being drug along the bottom of the ocean. I'm not being very effective."
Jaimee moved even closer, her breath warm against my cheek. "You're doing fine," she assured me, her voice a calm balm. "And I appreciate you giving me this freedom. I've been thinking a lot about why I'm so into all this lately. Growing up at home, all those years of boarding school... I was in this super strict environment, you know? Layers of rules, and if you stepped out of line, there were consequences. Even at home, my mum was like a bloody sergeant major for propriety."
I smiled at the imagery, understanding her mother all too well. "So this has all been about rebellion?"
Jaimee let out a snort of a laugh. "I suppose. In a way, yeah. I mean, sod what society thinks is proper, innit? I want to live by my own rules for once." She paused, her gaze going all dreamy like she was looking into the past or maybe just into herself. "But I know there's got to be limits, right? Can't have everything going tits up, can we? But there's got to be room for a bit of exploration, for pushing the boundaries, for actually living life on our terms."
"But we've been playing this game on and off for quite some time now," I said, my voice gentle, careful not to provoke. "I suppose I thought you'd have explored this rebellious streak of yours a while back. But it seems like it's only grown, like you're really set on doing things your way now."
She laughed softly, a sound that was both wistful and resolute. "Maybe I am. We'll need to find a new center eventually, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm enjoying this, pushing boundaries. And with Sipho... there's this connection, this... I've never felt the things I feel when we play. It's like discovering a whole new part of myself I want to explore."
Her words were a mix of excitement and confession. "But, Ky, I love you, love our family. I don't want to lose any of you. I'm so grateful for your support. If I've gone too far, I'm sorry, love. I want this to be good for you too."
I felt her reassurance, but also the tension of her desire to continue. "I'm doing my best not to end things this time. I've tried to leave the control in your hands. You've liked that, haven't you?"
"Liked it? I've bloody loved it," she admitted, her tone softening. "But I'm not ready to give it up. I worry you'll... you'll want to pull the plug too soon."
I took a deep breath, the conversation teetering between reassurance and risk. "I told you I wouldn't this time - that it would be your call... I just want to make sure we're not losing us in all this."
She moved closer, her hand resting over my heart. "We're not losing us, Ky. We're just... expanding us. But I need to know you're with me, that you'll keep going along."
Her words were a plea, wrapped in the love we shared, yet tinged with the edge of her newfound desires. "I'm here," I managed, though my voice was a mix of commitment and caution. "But we need to keep talking about this, yeah? Keep checking in."
"Yeah, we do," she agreed, her voice a whisper of promise and excitement. "I just... I want to experience all of this while I can. While we can."
The conversation was far from perfect, marked by pauses, corrections, and the raw honesty of two people trying to navigate a complex love and lifestyle. But there, in the intimacy of our shared space, something felt different. I was there with the woman I loved, sharing a moment of intimate conversation. While Lexi was just a name, a sort of excuse for Jaimee to delve into her sexual exploration, it seemed like Lexi was morphing into someone real, almost as if I was lying beside a stranger.
We whispered our goodnights, and soon Jaimee's breathing deepened into sleep, leaving me wide awake, my mind churning through our conversation. Adding to the whirl of thoughts was the fresh image of her latest tattoo work, seared into my memory. She had returned home just yesterday, her skin adorned with new ink.
The tattoo on Jaimee's right breast had evolved. The original spade, inked in black with sharp outlines and shaded depth, now contained a white 'Q' at its center. This addition was subtle yet striking, the white 'Q' contrasting against the dark spade, making the tattoo even more symbolic of her identity within the cuckolding lifestyle.
Around her nipple, Jaimee had further expanded the design. A series of delicate, thorny vines now encircled her areola, the thorns pointed and menacing, interwoven with small, dark roses, each petal meticulously detailed to contrast with the starkness of the thorns. This floral pattern radiated outwards, subtly framing her nipple like a dark, intricate crown. The vines twisted and turned, following the natural curve of her breast, adding an element of danger and beauty to the spade.
The addition of these elements meant that most of her breast was now covered in ink.
She insisted that she had chosen the design herself and paid for it, asserting that Sipho had no hand in it. I wanted to believe her—I did believe her. Yet, I couldn't shake off the concern that, even if Sipho hadn't directly influenced her decision, his presence might have subtly shaped her desires in ways she wasn't fully acknowledging.